Tales From Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin
She took the path to the old house. When his ears stopped ringing he stole after her, hoping the charm was working and that this was only her particularly uncouth way of leading him at last to her bed. Nearing the house, he heard crockery breaking. The father, the drunkard, came wobbling out looking scared and confused, followed by Dragonfly’s loud, harsh voice - “Out of the house, you drunken, crawling traitor! You foul, shameless lecher!”
“She took my cup away,” the Master of Iria said to the stranger, whining like a puppy, while his dogs yammered around him. “She broke it.”
Ivory departed. He did not return for two days. On the third day he rode experimentally past Old Iria, and she came striding down to meet him. “I’m sorry, Ivory,” she said, looking up at him with her smoky orange eyes. “I don’t know what came over me the other day. I was angry. But not at you. I beg your pardon.”
He forgave her gracefully. He did not try a love-charm on her again.
Soon, he thought now, he would not need one. He would have real power over her. He had finally seen how to get it. She had given it into his hands. Her strength and her willpower were tremendous, but fortunately she was stupid, and he was not.
Birch was sending a carter down to Kembermouth with six barrels of ten-year-old Fanian ordered by the wine merchant there. He was glad to send his wizard along as bodyguard, for the wine was valuable, and though the young king was putting things to rights as fast as he could, there were still gangs of robbers on the roads. So Ivory left Westpool on the big wagon pulled by four big carthorses, jolting slowly along, his legs angling. Down by Jackass Hill an uncouth figure rose up from the wayside and asked the carter for a lift. “I don’t know you,” the carter said, lifting his whip to warn the stranger off, but Ivory came round the wagon and said, “Let the lad ride, my good man. He’ll do no harm while I’m with you.”
“Keep an eye on him then, master,” said the carter.
“I will,” said Ivory, with a wink at Dragonfly. She, well disguised in dirt and a farmhand’s old smock and leggings and a loathsome felt hat, did not wink back. She played her part even while they sat side by side dangling their legs over the tailgate, with six great halftuns of wine jolting between them and the drowsy carter, and the drowsy summer hills and fields slipping slowly, slowly past. Ivory tried to tease her, but she only shook her head. Maybe she was scared by this wild scheme, now she was embarked on it. There was no telling. She was solemnly, heavily silent. I could be very bored by this woman, Ivory thought, if once I’d had her underneath me. That thought stirred him almost unbearably, but when he looked back at her, his thoughts died away before her massive, actual presence.
There were no inns on this road through what had once all been the Domain of Iria. As the sun neared the western plains, they stopped at a farmhouse that offered stabling for the horses, a shed for the cart, and straw in the stable loft for the carters. The loft was dark and stuffy and the straw musty. Ivory felt no lust at all, though Dragonfly lay not three feet from him. She had played the man so thoroughly all day that she had half-convinced even him. Maybe she’ll fool the old men after all! he thought, and grinned at the thought, and slept.
They jolted on all the next day through a summer thundershower or two and carne at dusk to Kembermouth, a walled, prosperous port city. They left the carter to his master’s business and walked down to find an inn near the docks. Dragonfly looked about at the sights of the city in a silence that might have been awe or disapproval or mere stolidity. “This is a nice little town,” Ivory said, “but the only city in the world is Havnor.”
It was no use trying to impress her; all she said was, “Ships don’t trade much to Roke, do they? Will it take a long time to find one to take us, do you think?”
“Not if I carry a staff,” he said.
She stopped looking about and strode along in thought for a while. She was beautiful in movement, bold and graceful, her head carried high.
“You mean they’ll oblige a wizard? But you aren’t a wizard.”
“That’s a formality. We senior sorcerers may carry a staff when we’re on Roke’s business. Which I am.”
Taking me there?”
“Bringing them a student - yes. A student of great gifts!”
She asked no more questions. She never argued; it was one of her virtues.
That night, over supper at the waterfront inn, she asked with unusual timidity in her voice, “Do I have great gifts?”
“In my judgment, you do,” he said.
She pondered - conversation with her was often a slow business - and said, “Rose always said I had power, but she didn’t know what kind. And I ... I know I do, but I don’t know what it is.”
“You’re going to Roke to find out,” he said, raising his glass to her. After a moment she raised hers and smiled at him, a smile so tender and radiant that he said spontaneously, “And may what you find be all you seek!”
“If I do, it will be thanks to you,” she said. In that moment he loved her for her true heart, and would have forsworn any thought of her but as his companion in a bold adventure, a gallant joke.
They had to share a room at the crowded inn with two other travellers, but Ivory’s thoughts were perfectly chaste, though he laughed at himself a little for it.
Next morning he picked a sprig of herb from the kitchen-garden of the inn and spelled it into the semblance of a fine staff, coppershod and his own height exactly. “What is the wood?” Dragonfly asked, fascinated, when she saw it, and when he answered with a laugh, “Rosemary,” she laughed too.
They set off along the wharves, asking for a ship bound south that might take a wizard and his prentice to the Isle of the Wise, and soon enough they found a heavy trader bound for Wathort, whose master would carry the wizard for goodwill and the prentice for half-price. Even half-price was half the cheese money, but they would have the luxury of a cabin, for Sea Otter was a decked, two-masted ship.
As they were talking with her master a wagon drew up on the dock and began to unload six familiar halftun barrels. That’s ours,” Ivory said, and the ship’s master said, “Bound for Hort Town,” and Dragonfly said softly, “From Iria.”
She glanced back at the land then. It was the only time he ever saw her look back.
The ship’s weatherworker came aboard just before they sailed, no Roke wizard but a weatherbeaten fellow in a worn sea-cloak. Ivory flourished his staff a little in greeting him. The sorcerer looked him up and down and said, “One man works weather on this ship. If it’s not me, I’m off.”
“I’m a mere passenger, Master Bagman. I gladly leave the winds in your hands.”
The sorcerer looked at Dragonfly, who stood straight as a tree and said nothing.
“Good,” he said, and that was the last word he spoke to Ivory.
During the voyage, however, he talked several times with Dragonfly, which made Ivory a bit uneasy. Her ignorance and trustfulness could endanger her and therefore him. What did she and the bagman talk about? he asked, and she answered, “What is to become of us.”
He stared.
“Of all of us. Of Way, and Felkway, and Havnor, and Wathort, and Roke. All the people of the islands. He says that when King Lebannen was to be crowned, last autumn, he sent to Gont for the old Archmage to come crown him, and he wouldn’t come. And there was no new Archmage. So he took the crown himself. And some say that’s wrong, and he doesn’t rightly hold the throne. But others say the king himself is the new Archmage. But he isn’t a wizard, only a king. So others say the dark years will come again, when there was no rule of justice, and wizardry was used for evil ends.”
After a pause Ivory said, “That old weatherworker says all this?”
“It’s common talk, I think,” said Dragonfly, with her grave simplicity.
The weatherworker knew his trade, at least. Sea Otter sped south; they met summer squalls and choppy seas, but never a storm or a troublesome wind. They put off and took on cargo at ports on the north shore of O, at Ilien, Leng, Kamery,
and O Port, and then headed west to carry the passengers to Roke. And facing the west Ivory felt a little hollow at the pit of his stomach, for he knew all too well how Roke was guarded. He knew neither he nor the weatherworker could do anything at all to turn the Roke-wind if it blew against them. And if it did. Dragonfly would ask why? Why did it blow against them?
He was glad to see the sorcerer uneasy too, standing by the helmsman, keeping a watch up on the masthead, taking in sail at the hint of a west wind. But the wind held steady from the north. A thunder-squall came pelting on that wind, and Ivory went down to the cabin, but Dragonfly stayed up on deck. She was afraid of the water, she had told him. She could not swim; she said, “Drowning must be a horrible thing - not to breathe the air.” She had shuddered at the thought. It was the only fear she had ever shown of anything. But she disliked the low, cramped cabin, and had stayed on deck every day and slept there on the warm nights. Ivory had not tried to coax her into the cabin. He knew now that coaxing was no good. To have her he must master her; and that he would do, if only they could come to Roke.
He came up on deck again. It was clearing, and as the sun set the clouds broke all across the west, showing a golden sky behind the high dark curve of a hill.
Ivory looked at that hill with a kind of longing hatred.
“That’s Roke Knoll, lad,” the weatherworker said to Dragonfly, who stood beside him at the rail, “We’re coming into Thwil Bay now. Where there’s no wind but the wind they want.”
By the time they were well into the bay and had let down the anchor it was dark, and Ivory said to the ship’s master, “I’ll go ashore in the morning.”
Down in their tiny cabin Dragonfly sat waiting for him, solemn as ever but her eyes blazing with excitement. “We’ll go ashore in the morning,” he repeated to her, and she nodded, acceptant.
She said, “Do I look all right?”
He sat down on his narrow bunk and looked at her sitting on her narrow bunk; they could not face each other directly, as there was no room for their knees. At O Port she had bought herself a decent shirt and breeches, at his suggestion, so as to look a more probable candidate for the School. Her face was windburned and scrubbed clean. Her hair was braided and the braid clubbed, like Ivory’s. She had got her hands clean, too, and they lay flat on her thighs, long strong hands, like a man’s.
“You don’t look like a man,” he said. Her face fell. “Not to me. You’ll never look like a man to me. But don’t worry. You will to them.”
She nodded, with an anxious face.
The first test is the great test, Dragonfly,” he said. Every night he lay alone in this cabin he had planned this conversation. “To enter the Great House: to go through that door.”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” she said, hurried and earnest. “Couldn’t I just tell them who I am? With you there to vouch for me - to say even if I am a woman, I have some gift - and I’d promise to take the vow and make the spell of celibacy, and live apart if they wanted me to -“
He was shaking his head all through her speech. “No, no, no, no. Hopeless. Useless. Fatal!”
“Even if you -“
“Even if I argued for you. They won’t listen. The Rule of Roke forbids women to be taught any high art, any word of the Language of the Making. It’s always been so. They will not listen. So they must be shown! And we’ll show them, you and I. We’ll teach them. You must have courage, Dragonfly. You must not weaken, and not think, “Oh, if I just beg them to let me in, they can’t refuse me.” They can, and will. And if you reveal yourself, they will punish you. And me.” He put a ponderous emphasis on the last word, and inwardly murmured, “Avert.”
She gazed at him from her unreadable eyes, and finally said, “What must I do?”
“Do you trust me, Dragonfly?”
“Yes.”
“Will you trust me entirely, wholly - knowing that the risk I take for you is greater even than your risk in this venture?”
“Yes.”
“Then you must tell me the word you will speak to the Doorkeeper.”
She stared. “But I thought you’d tell it to me - the password.”
“The password he will ask you for is your true name.”
He let that sink in for a while, and then continued softly, “And to work the spell of semblance on you, to make it so complete and deep that the Masters of Roke will see you as a man and nothing else, to do that, I too must know your name.” He paused again. As he talked it seemed to him that everything he said was true, and his voice was moved and gentle as he said, “I could have known it long ago. But I chose not to use those arts. I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me your name yourself.”
She was looking down at her hands, clasped now on her knees. In the faint reddish glow of the cabin lantern her lashes cast very delicate, long shadows on her cheeks. She looked up, straight at him. “My name is Irian,” she said.
He smiled. She did not smile.
He said nothing. In fact he was at a loss. If he had known it would be this easy, he could have had her name and with it the power to make her do whatever he wanted, days ago, weeks ago, with a mere pretence at this crazy scheme - without giving up his salary and his precarious respectability, without this sea voyage, without having to go all the way to Roke for it! For he saw the whole plan now was folly. There was no way he could disguise her that would fool the Doorkeeper for a moment. All his notions of humiliating the Masters as they had humiliated him were moonshine. Obsessed with tricking the girl, he had fallen into the trap he laid for her. Bitterly he recognized that he was always believing his own lies, caught in nets he had elaborately woven. Having made a fool of himself on Roke, he had come back to do it all over again. A great, desolate anger swelled up in him. There was no good, no good in anything.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. The gentleness of her deep, husky voice unmanned him, and he hid his face in his hands, fighting against the shame of tears.
She put her hand on his knee. It was the first time she had ever touched him. He endured it, the warmth and weight of her touch that he had wasted so much time wanting.
He wanted to hurt her, to shock her out of her terrible, ignorant kindness, but what he said when he finally spoke was, “I only wanted to make love to you,”
“You did?”
“Did you think I was one of their eunuchs? That I’d castrate myself with spells so I could be holy? Why do you think I don’t have a staff? Why do you think I’m not at the School? Did you believe everything I said?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Her hand was still on his knee. She said, “We can make love if you want.”
He sat up, sat still.
“What are you?” he said to her at last.
“I don’t know. It’s why I wanted to come to Roke. To find out.”
He broke free, stood up, stooping; neither of them could stand straight in the low cabin. Clenching and unclenching his hands, he stood as far from her as he could, his back to her.
“You won’t find out. It’s all lies, shams. Old men playing games with words. I wouldn’t play their games, so I left. Do you know what I did?” He turned, showing his teeth in a rictus of triumph. “I got a girl, a town girl, to come to my room. My cell. My little stone celibate cell. It had a window looking out on a back-street. No spells - you can’t make spells with all their magic going on. But she wanted to come, and came, and I let a rope ladder out the window, and she climbed it. And we were at it when the old men came in! I showed ‘em! And if I could have got you in, I’d have showed ‘em again, I’d have taught them their lesson!”
“Well, I’ll try,” she said.
He stared.
“Not for the same reasons as you,” she said, “but I still want to. And we came all this way. And you know my name.”
It was true. He knew her name: Irian. It was like a coal of fire, a burning ember in his mind. His thought could not hold it. His knowledge could not use it. His tongue could not say it.
/> She looked up at him, her sharp, strong face softened by the shadowy lantern-light. “If it was only to make love you brought me here, Ivory,” she said, “we can do that. If you still want to.”
Wordless at first, he simply shook his head. After a while he was able to laugh. “I think we’ve gone on past .. . that possibility . . .”
She looked at him without regret, or reproach, or shame.
“Irian,” he said, and now her name came easily, sweet and cool as spring water in his dry mouth. “Irian, here’s what you must do to enter the Great House...”
III. Azver
He left her at the comer of the street, a narrow, dull, somehow sly-looking street that slanted up between featureless walls to a wooden door in a higher wall. He had put his spell on her, and she looked like a man, though she did not feel like one. She and Ivory took each other in their arms, because after all they had been friends, companions, and he had done all this for her. “Courage!” he said, and let her go. She walked up the street and stood before the door. She looked back then, but he was gone.
She knocked.
After a while she heard the latch rattle. The door opened. An ordinary-looking middle-aged man stood there. “What can I do for you?” he said. He did not smile, but his voice was pleasant.
“You can let me into the Great House, sir.”
“Do you know the way in?” His almond-shaped eyes were attentive, yet seemed to look at her from miles or years away.
“This is the way in, sir.”
“Do you know whose name you must tell me before I let you in?”
“My own, sir. It is Irian.”
“Is it?” he said.
That gave her pause. She stood silent. “It’s the name the witch Rose of my village on Way gave me, in the spring under Iria Hill,” she said at last, standing up and speaking truth.
The Doorkeeper looked at her for what seemed a long time. Then it is your name,” he said. “But maybe not all your name. I think you have another.”
“I don’t know it, sir.”
After another long time she said, “Maybe I can learn it here, sir.”
“She took my cup away,” the Master of Iria said to the stranger, whining like a puppy, while his dogs yammered around him. “She broke it.”
Ivory departed. He did not return for two days. On the third day he rode experimentally past Old Iria, and she came striding down to meet him. “I’m sorry, Ivory,” she said, looking up at him with her smoky orange eyes. “I don’t know what came over me the other day. I was angry. But not at you. I beg your pardon.”
He forgave her gracefully. He did not try a love-charm on her again.
Soon, he thought now, he would not need one. He would have real power over her. He had finally seen how to get it. She had given it into his hands. Her strength and her willpower were tremendous, but fortunately she was stupid, and he was not.
Birch was sending a carter down to Kembermouth with six barrels of ten-year-old Fanian ordered by the wine merchant there. He was glad to send his wizard along as bodyguard, for the wine was valuable, and though the young king was putting things to rights as fast as he could, there were still gangs of robbers on the roads. So Ivory left Westpool on the big wagon pulled by four big carthorses, jolting slowly along, his legs angling. Down by Jackass Hill an uncouth figure rose up from the wayside and asked the carter for a lift. “I don’t know you,” the carter said, lifting his whip to warn the stranger off, but Ivory came round the wagon and said, “Let the lad ride, my good man. He’ll do no harm while I’m with you.”
“Keep an eye on him then, master,” said the carter.
“I will,” said Ivory, with a wink at Dragonfly. She, well disguised in dirt and a farmhand’s old smock and leggings and a loathsome felt hat, did not wink back. She played her part even while they sat side by side dangling their legs over the tailgate, with six great halftuns of wine jolting between them and the drowsy carter, and the drowsy summer hills and fields slipping slowly, slowly past. Ivory tried to tease her, but she only shook her head. Maybe she was scared by this wild scheme, now she was embarked on it. There was no telling. She was solemnly, heavily silent. I could be very bored by this woman, Ivory thought, if once I’d had her underneath me. That thought stirred him almost unbearably, but when he looked back at her, his thoughts died away before her massive, actual presence.
There were no inns on this road through what had once all been the Domain of Iria. As the sun neared the western plains, they stopped at a farmhouse that offered stabling for the horses, a shed for the cart, and straw in the stable loft for the carters. The loft was dark and stuffy and the straw musty. Ivory felt no lust at all, though Dragonfly lay not three feet from him. She had played the man so thoroughly all day that she had half-convinced even him. Maybe she’ll fool the old men after all! he thought, and grinned at the thought, and slept.
They jolted on all the next day through a summer thundershower or two and carne at dusk to Kembermouth, a walled, prosperous port city. They left the carter to his master’s business and walked down to find an inn near the docks. Dragonfly looked about at the sights of the city in a silence that might have been awe or disapproval or mere stolidity. “This is a nice little town,” Ivory said, “but the only city in the world is Havnor.”
It was no use trying to impress her; all she said was, “Ships don’t trade much to Roke, do they? Will it take a long time to find one to take us, do you think?”
“Not if I carry a staff,” he said.
She stopped looking about and strode along in thought for a while. She was beautiful in movement, bold and graceful, her head carried high.
“You mean they’ll oblige a wizard? But you aren’t a wizard.”
“That’s a formality. We senior sorcerers may carry a staff when we’re on Roke’s business. Which I am.”
Taking me there?”
“Bringing them a student - yes. A student of great gifts!”
She asked no more questions. She never argued; it was one of her virtues.
That night, over supper at the waterfront inn, she asked with unusual timidity in her voice, “Do I have great gifts?”
“In my judgment, you do,” he said.
She pondered - conversation with her was often a slow business - and said, “Rose always said I had power, but she didn’t know what kind. And I ... I know I do, but I don’t know what it is.”
“You’re going to Roke to find out,” he said, raising his glass to her. After a moment she raised hers and smiled at him, a smile so tender and radiant that he said spontaneously, “And may what you find be all you seek!”
“If I do, it will be thanks to you,” she said. In that moment he loved her for her true heart, and would have forsworn any thought of her but as his companion in a bold adventure, a gallant joke.
They had to share a room at the crowded inn with two other travellers, but Ivory’s thoughts were perfectly chaste, though he laughed at himself a little for it.
Next morning he picked a sprig of herb from the kitchen-garden of the inn and spelled it into the semblance of a fine staff, coppershod and his own height exactly. “What is the wood?” Dragonfly asked, fascinated, when she saw it, and when he answered with a laugh, “Rosemary,” she laughed too.
They set off along the wharves, asking for a ship bound south that might take a wizard and his prentice to the Isle of the Wise, and soon enough they found a heavy trader bound for Wathort, whose master would carry the wizard for goodwill and the prentice for half-price. Even half-price was half the cheese money, but they would have the luxury of a cabin, for Sea Otter was a decked, two-masted ship.
As they were talking with her master a wagon drew up on the dock and began to unload six familiar halftun barrels. That’s ours,” Ivory said, and the ship’s master said, “Bound for Hort Town,” and Dragonfly said softly, “From Iria.”
She glanced back at the land then. It was the only time he ever saw her look back.
The ship’s weatherworker came aboard just before they sailed, no Roke wizard but a weatherbeaten fellow in a worn sea-cloak. Ivory flourished his staff a little in greeting him. The sorcerer looked him up and down and said, “One man works weather on this ship. If it’s not me, I’m off.”
“I’m a mere passenger, Master Bagman. I gladly leave the winds in your hands.”
The sorcerer looked at Dragonfly, who stood straight as a tree and said nothing.
“Good,” he said, and that was the last word he spoke to Ivory.
During the voyage, however, he talked several times with Dragonfly, which made Ivory a bit uneasy. Her ignorance and trustfulness could endanger her and therefore him. What did she and the bagman talk about? he asked, and she answered, “What is to become of us.”
He stared.
“Of all of us. Of Way, and Felkway, and Havnor, and Wathort, and Roke. All the people of the islands. He says that when King Lebannen was to be crowned, last autumn, he sent to Gont for the old Archmage to come crown him, and he wouldn’t come. And there was no new Archmage. So he took the crown himself. And some say that’s wrong, and he doesn’t rightly hold the throne. But others say the king himself is the new Archmage. But he isn’t a wizard, only a king. So others say the dark years will come again, when there was no rule of justice, and wizardry was used for evil ends.”
After a pause Ivory said, “That old weatherworker says all this?”
“It’s common talk, I think,” said Dragonfly, with her grave simplicity.
The weatherworker knew his trade, at least. Sea Otter sped south; they met summer squalls and choppy seas, but never a storm or a troublesome wind. They put off and took on cargo at ports on the north shore of O, at Ilien, Leng, Kamery,
He was glad to see the sorcerer uneasy too, standing by the helmsman, keeping a watch up on the masthead, taking in sail at the hint of a west wind. But the wind held steady from the north. A thunder-squall came pelting on that wind, and Ivory went down to the cabin, but Dragonfly stayed up on deck. She was afraid of the water, she had told him. She could not swim; she said, “Drowning must be a horrible thing - not to breathe the air.” She had shuddered at the thought. It was the only fear she had ever shown of anything. But she disliked the low, cramped cabin, and had stayed on deck every day and slept there on the warm nights. Ivory had not tried to coax her into the cabin. He knew now that coaxing was no good. To have her he must master her; and that he would do, if only they could come to Roke.
He came up on deck again. It was clearing, and as the sun set the clouds broke all across the west, showing a golden sky behind the high dark curve of a hill.
Ivory looked at that hill with a kind of longing hatred.
“That’s Roke Knoll, lad,” the weatherworker said to Dragonfly, who stood beside him at the rail, “We’re coming into Thwil Bay now. Where there’s no wind but the wind they want.”
By the time they were well into the bay and had let down the anchor it was dark, and Ivory said to the ship’s master, “I’ll go ashore in the morning.”
Down in their tiny cabin Dragonfly sat waiting for him, solemn as ever but her eyes blazing with excitement. “We’ll go ashore in the morning,” he repeated to her, and she nodded, acceptant.
She said, “Do I look all right?”
He sat down on his narrow bunk and looked at her sitting on her narrow bunk; they could not face each other directly, as there was no room for their knees. At O Port she had bought herself a decent shirt and breeches, at his suggestion, so as to look a more probable candidate for the School. Her face was windburned and scrubbed clean. Her hair was braided and the braid clubbed, like Ivory’s. She had got her hands clean, too, and they lay flat on her thighs, long strong hands, like a man’s.
“You don’t look like a man,” he said. Her face fell. “Not to me. You’ll never look like a man to me. But don’t worry. You will to them.”
She nodded, with an anxious face.
The first test is the great test, Dragonfly,” he said. Every night he lay alone in this cabin he had planned this conversation. “To enter the Great House: to go through that door.”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” she said, hurried and earnest. “Couldn’t I just tell them who I am? With you there to vouch for me - to say even if I am a woman, I have some gift - and I’d promise to take the vow and make the spell of celibacy, and live apart if they wanted me to -“
He was shaking his head all through her speech. “No, no, no, no. Hopeless. Useless. Fatal!”
“Even if you -“
“Even if I argued for you. They won’t listen. The Rule of Roke forbids women to be taught any high art, any word of the Language of the Making. It’s always been so. They will not listen. So they must be shown! And we’ll show them, you and I. We’ll teach them. You must have courage, Dragonfly. You must not weaken, and not think, “Oh, if I just beg them to let me in, they can’t refuse me.” They can, and will. And if you reveal yourself, they will punish you. And me.” He put a ponderous emphasis on the last word, and inwardly murmured, “Avert.”
She gazed at him from her unreadable eyes, and finally said, “What must I do?”
“Do you trust me, Dragonfly?”
“Yes.”
“Will you trust me entirely, wholly - knowing that the risk I take for you is greater even than your risk in this venture?”
“Yes.”
“Then you must tell me the word you will speak to the Doorkeeper.”
She stared. “But I thought you’d tell it to me - the password.”
“The password he will ask you for is your true name.”
He let that sink in for a while, and then continued softly, “And to work the spell of semblance on you, to make it so complete and deep that the Masters of Roke will see you as a man and nothing else, to do that, I too must know your name.” He paused again. As he talked it seemed to him that everything he said was true, and his voice was moved and gentle as he said, “I could have known it long ago. But I chose not to use those arts. I wanted you to trust me enough to tell me your name yourself.”
She was looking down at her hands, clasped now on her knees. In the faint reddish glow of the cabin lantern her lashes cast very delicate, long shadows on her cheeks. She looked up, straight at him. “My name is Irian,” she said.
He smiled. She did not smile.
He said nothing. In fact he was at a loss. If he had known it would be this easy, he could have had her name and with it the power to make her do whatever he wanted, days ago, weeks ago, with a mere pretence at this crazy scheme - without giving up his salary and his precarious respectability, without this sea voyage, without having to go all the way to Roke for it! For he saw the whole plan now was folly. There was no way he could disguise her that would fool the Doorkeeper for a moment. All his notions of humiliating the Masters as they had humiliated him were moonshine. Obsessed with tricking the girl, he had fallen into the trap he laid for her. Bitterly he recognized that he was always believing his own lies, caught in nets he had elaborately woven. Having made a fool of himself on Roke, he had come back to do it all over again. A great, desolate anger swelled up in him. There was no good, no good in anything.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. The gentleness of her deep, husky voice unmanned him, and he hid his face in his hands, fighting against the shame of tears.
She put her hand on his knee. It was the first time she had ever touched him. He endured it, the warmth and weight of her touch that he had wasted so much time wanting.
He wanted to hurt her, to shock her out of her terrible, ignorant kindness, but what he said when he finally spoke was, “I only wanted to make love to you,”
“You did?”
“Did you think I was one of their eunuchs? That I’d castrate myself with spells so I could be holy? Why do you think I don’t have a staff? Why do you think I’m not at the School? Did you believe everything I said?”
“Yes,” she said. “I’m sorry.” Her hand was still on his knee. She said, “We can make love if you want.”
He sat up, sat still.
“What are you?” he said to her at last.
“I don’t know. It’s why I wanted to come to Roke. To find out.”
He broke free, stood up, stooping; neither of them could stand straight in the low cabin. Clenching and unclenching his hands, he stood as far from her as he could, his back to her.
“You won’t find out. It’s all lies, shams. Old men playing games with words. I wouldn’t play their games, so I left. Do you know what I did?” He turned, showing his teeth in a rictus of triumph. “I got a girl, a town girl, to come to my room. My cell. My little stone celibate cell. It had a window looking out on a back-street. No spells - you can’t make spells with all their magic going on. But she wanted to come, and came, and I let a rope ladder out the window, and she climbed it. And we were at it when the old men came in! I showed ‘em! And if I could have got you in, I’d have showed ‘em again, I’d have taught them their lesson!”
“Well, I’ll try,” she said.
He stared.
“Not for the same reasons as you,” she said, “but I still want to. And we came all this way. And you know my name.”
It was true. He knew her name: Irian. It was like a coal of fire, a burning ember in his mind. His thought could not hold it. His knowledge could not use it. His tongue could not say it.
Wordless at first, he simply shook his head. After a while he was able to laugh. “I think we’ve gone on past .. . that possibility . . .”
She looked at him without regret, or reproach, or shame.
“Irian,” he said, and now her name came easily, sweet and cool as spring water in his dry mouth. “Irian, here’s what you must do to enter the Great House...”
III. Azver
He left her at the comer of the street, a narrow, dull, somehow sly-looking street that slanted up between featureless walls to a wooden door in a higher wall. He had put his spell on her, and she looked like a man, though she did not feel like one. She and Ivory took each other in their arms, because after all they had been friends, companions, and he had done all this for her. “Courage!” he said, and let her go. She walked up the street and stood before the door. She looked back then, but he was gone.
She knocked.
After a while she heard the latch rattle. The door opened. An ordinary-looking middle-aged man stood there. “What can I do for you?” he said. He did not smile, but his voice was pleasant.
“You can let me into the Great House, sir.”
“Do you know the way in?” His almond-shaped eyes were attentive, yet seemed to look at her from miles or years away.
“This is the way in, sir.”
“Do you know whose name you must tell me before I let you in?”
“My own, sir. It is Irian.”
“Is it?” he said.
That gave her pause. She stood silent. “It’s the name the witch Rose of my village on Way gave me, in the spring under Iria Hill,” she said at last, standing up and speaking truth.
The Doorkeeper looked at her for what seemed a long time. Then it is your name,” he said. “But maybe not all your name. I think you have another.”
“I don’t know it, sir.”
After another long time she said, “Maybe I can learn it here, sir.”