There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom by Louis Sachar
Ronnie understood. She knew about Carla.
Bradley returned to his book.
Uncle Boris and Aunt Ruth are married. I bet you thought you already knew that, except you’re not as smart as you think you are. They were my uncle and aunt even before they got married. Uncle Boris is my mother’s brother and Aunt Ruth is my father’s sister. They didn’t even know each other until my parents got arrested for stealing the elephant. Then they both came here to take care of me. Hah! They fell in love and got married a week later. It was sickening! You’re lucky you weren’t here.
I’ve been cheated out of an aunt and an uncle. If they had each married somebody else, then I’d have two aunts and two uncles. Now I only have one aunt and one uncle. I wonder what happened to the aunt and uncle I don’t have. I wonder if they married each other, too.
Bradley looked up. He tried to make sense out of that last paragraph. It made him think. A lot of parts in the book made him think. That was one of the things he liked about it. It made him think about his father, too. About why the man who shot him wasn’t in jail.
There was a knock on the door. His mother entered holding a piece of paper. “Oh, you’re reading,” she said. “That’s good.”
“It’s a good book,” he replied.
“I just got this letter from the Concerned Parents Organization,” she said. “There’s going to be some sort of meeting about Miss Davis, your counselor.”
Bradley’s heart fluttered.
“It says if I have any complaints I should come to the meeting.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t think I have any complaints. She seems to be helping you. Do you have any complaints?”
“Oh, no! He doesn’t have any complaints.” Claudia laughed, coming in behind her mother. “He’s in love with her. I heard him say it to his animals.”
“What?” Bradley exclaimed in a very high voice.
Claudia snickered. “Look, Mom, he’s blushing! That proves he loves her.”
Bradley wished he could crawl under his bed and hide.
“It doesn’t prove anything,” said Mrs. Chalkers. “Quit teasing your brother.”
“Where’d you get the book, Bradley?” Claudia asked, like she already knew the answer.
His heart was beating very fast. “Carla gave it to me.”
“Carla gave it to him,” Claudia repeated.
“Well, I don’t care where he got the book,” said Mrs. Chalkers. “I’m just happy to see he’s reading it.”
“The only reason he’s reading is because he’s in love with his teacher,” said Claudia.
“She’s not my teacher, she’s my counselor,” said Bradley.
Claudia roared with laughter. His mother laughed, too, but she quickly covered her mouth.
“I didn’t say I was in love with her!” Bradley insisted. “We were just talking about my counselor, not my teacher, that’s all!”
“Are you going to let him marry her, Mom?” asked Claudia.
Mrs. Chalkers smiled. “Well, I don’t know. She seems like a very lovely girl.”
Bradley felt like he was going to die. His sister was hysterical.
“So you don’t have any complaints about Miss Davis?” his mother asked seriously, getting back to the letter.
“She’s okay,” he said without emotion.
Claudia snickered.
“Well, then, I won’t go to the meeting,” said his mother. “C’mon, let’s leave your brother alone.”
“The Concerned Parents Organization never likes anything,” said Claudia. “They’re always causing trouble at my school, too. They want to turn kids into robots.”
Bradley watched his sister and mother walk out of his room and shut the door behind them.
He lay down on his bed. His face was on fire. “So, I love her? What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing,” said Ronnie. “They just don’t understand about love.”
The door opened again. Claudia stuck her face inside and said, “If the Concerned Parents Organization ever found out Carla kissed you, she’d be fired for sure!”
32.
Bradley paid close attention as Mrs. Ebbel taught arithmetic. He nodded his head every time she said something that he already knew. Once he almost raised his hand to answer a question, but he lost his nerve. Somebody else gave the answer he would have given. I knew it, he thought as he nodded his head.
He had spent recess in the library reading My Parents Didn’t Steal an Elephant by Uriah C. Lasso. When he was leaving the library, Mrs. Wilcott stopped him and said, “You were reading, weren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Good for you, Bradley! Good for you!”
He smiled now as he remembered it. It’s because of Carla’s book, he thought. The book was his lucky charm. As long as he had it with him, it seemed like nothing could go wrong.
His black eye was all gone too.
When the bell rang for lunch, he put his arithmetic book away, took out his lucky book, and walked to Mrs. Ebbel’s desk. “May I please borrow the hall pass?” he asked.
She let him have it. He knew she would. He was holding the magic book.
He walked to Carla’s office. Just as he was raising his fist to knock, she opened the door. “Bradley, what a pleasant surprise!”
“You want to have lunch together?” he asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to go to the principal’s office.”
“What’s the matter? Did you get in trouble?” he joked.
She didn’t laugh at his joke. She shrugged her shoulders, then headed toward the principal’s office.
Maybe she really did get in trouble, Bradley thought as he watched her go. It’s probably because she doesn’t believe in rules. She must have broken one without knowing it. I should have warned her. But he wasn’t too worried. He couldn’t imagine anything bad ever happening to Carla.
He walked through the auditorium and outside to the playground. He sat down on the steps outside the auditorium and ate his lunch. At least he had her book with him. That was almost as good as eating lunch with her.
He didn’t read while he ate. He was afraid he might accidentally spill food on the book even if there were no such things as accidents.
Colleen Verigold walked by.
“Hello, Colleen!” he called to her.
She stopped and looked at him oddly, then walked away without returning his hello.
Bradley didn’t mind. He had said hello to Colleen because he knew Carla would appreciate it. He felt Carla was watching over him. And it didn’t matter that Colleen didn’t say hello back, because in his heart he heard Carla say, Hello, Bradley. It’s a pleasure to see you today.
He finished eating, then opened the book.
Guess what they’ve done now? They wallpapered the garage. I told you they were crazy! Whoever heard of anybody putting wallpaper on the walls of a garage? Purple paper with yellow polka dots!
I don’t even know how they got in there. The garage has been locked shut for months. The lock was broken or something so nobody could get in.
At least I’m glad they finally got it open. It was beginning to smell pretty bad. You could smell it from the driveway. Now it just smells like paste.
I can’t wait until my parents get home and put an end to all this craziness. Their trial is next week. They have to be found innocent.
I mean, if they stole an elephant I’d know about it, wouldn’t I? Where could you hide an elephant?
“Look, he’s reading,” said Robbie.
“I didn’t know he knew how to read,” laughed Curtis.
Bradley looked up. He was surrounded by Jeff and his gang.
“He can’t read,” said Brian. “He just looks at the pictures!”
They all laughed.
“Whatcha readin’?” asked Russell.
Bradley closed the book and slowly stood on the concrete steps.
“Chicken Chalkers,” said Dan.
Andy bounced a basketball.
Bradley glanced behind him. Doug was blocking the door to the auditorium. “What’s the matter, Brad-ley?” he asked.
“Hey, Chalkers, what’s the name of your book?” asked Robbie.
He looked at his book, then stared defiantly at Robbie.
“Let me see it,” said Robbie.
Bradley clutched it against his chest. No matter what, he wasn’t going to let them harm Carla’s book.
“Aw, c’mon, Bradley, be a pal,” said Robbie. “I just want to see it.”
Curtis chuckled.
Robbie stepped up toward him. “You can’t read anyway,” he said. “Give it to me and I’ll read it to you.” He reached out and rested his hand on the book.
Bradley jerked it away.
“Uh-oh, I think he’s getting angry,” said Brian.
“I just want to see it,” said Robbie. Again, he reached for the book.
Bradley held it under his left arm and against his chest. He made his right hand into a fist.
Robbie backed away. “Jeff,” he called.
“C’mon, Jeff, teach him a lesson,” said Dan.
Jeff stepped between Andy and Russell.
“All right!” said Curtis.
“Hold on,” said Andy. “Let’m get off the steps.”
The boys backed up. Bradley, clutching his book, walked down the concrete steps to where Jeff was waiting.
“Do you want me to hold your book, Bradley?” said Andy.
Bradley glanced at him.
“Don’t worry,” he said sincerely. “I won’t hurt it.”
Bradley handed Andy the book, then looked back at Jeff.
They stood on a patch of grass and dirt and faced each other. The bruise around Jeff’s eye had turned brown with a greenish tint. Jeff raised his fists.
The other boys formed a circle around them.
“C’mon, get’m, Jeff,” urged Brian.
“Give him another black eye,” said Russell.
Bradley readied himself. He raised his fists in the air, then lowered them. He had an idea.
“Hello, Jeff,” he said.
Robbie snickered.
Jeff stared at him, wide-eyed. “Hello, Bradley,” he replied.
Bradley smiled. He held out his hand.
Jeff smiled too. It was his first honest smile in a long time. He shook his best friend’s hand.
The other boys were dumbfounded. No one said a word.
Andy finally broke the ice. “Do you like to play basketball, Bradley?” he asked.
Bradley looked at him, bewildered. “I’m not very good,” he said.
“So? None of us are,” said Jeff, patting him on the back.
“Now we’ll have even teams!” said Robbie.
33.
Bradley was terrible!
He dribbled with two hands. He passed the ball to people who weren’t on his team. But, worst of all, whenever anyone passed the ball to him, he said “thank you.”
He never shot at the basket. He didn’t dare. Finally, after his team was losing 28 to 6 anyway, everyone told him to try a shot.
He looked around for someone to pass to.
Jeff sat down so Bradley wouldn’t pass it to him. “Just shoot,” he said.
The rest of his team sat down too. “Shoot it!” they said.
Everybody on the other team sat down too. “Shoot the ball!”
Bradley faced the basket. His tongue slipped out the corner of his mouth as he carefully aimed, then threw the ball high in the air. It hit the back of the rim, bounced against the backboard, then dropped through the net.
“Great shot!” said Jeff.
“Way to go,” said Andy, patting him on the back.
At first he couldn’t believe it, but then he saw Carla’s book, lying on the ground at the base of the basket. No wonder, he realized.
Everyone headed for the water fountain. Bradley went along, too, even though he wasn’t thirsty. But then, once he got there, he realized he was thirsty. He just hadn’t noticed.
“Good game, Bradley,” said Brian.
“You just have to stop passing to people who aren’t on your team!” said Dan.
“Maybe you should give the rest of us on your team black eyes too,” said Robbie. “Then you’ll know who to pass to.”
Everyone laughed, even Bradley.
He and Jeff were the last two left at the water fountain. Everyone else had already started back to class. As they drank, their eyes met and they broke up laughing.
“How did you get the black eye?” Bradley asked after he stopped laughing.
“Melinda,” said Jeff.
Bradley nodded. “She’s strong,” he said.
“Oh boy, you can say that again,” said Jeff.
They laughed again.
“My book!” Bradley suddenly exclaimed. He ran back to the basketball court where he’d left it.
Jeff shook his head as he watched Bradley run away. Life’s weird, he thought.
He walked into the boys’ bathroom and splashed his sweaty face with cold water. He had to hold the faucet down with one hand and splash his face with the other.
Colleen Verigold walked in.
He stared at her.
She looked around, then screamed and ran outside.
Jeff watched the door swing shut behind her.
34.
Life was too weird for Jeff to return to class.
Anytime you want to talk again, Carla had said, please feel free to come and see me. Even if you just feel like getting out of class for a while.
He hoped she had really meant it. He had a lot he wanted to say to her, beginning with “I’m sorry.”
He slowly walked to her office. He hoped she wasn’t with somebody else. He knocked.
Carla opened the door and smiled when she saw him. “Hello, Jeff.”
He smiled. “Hi, Carla. I’m—”
He stopped because he saw somebody else sitting at the round table.
“I believe you two know each other,” said Carla.
Jeff lowered his eyes. “Hello, Colleen,” he muttered.
Colleen Verigold covered her face with her hands.
“You don’t mind if Jeff joins us, do you, Colleen?” Carla asked.
Colleen shook her head with her hands still over her face.
Jeff awkwardly sat down. “Mrs. Ebbel doesn’t know I’m here,” he said.
“I’ll write you a note,” said Carla.
Colleen peeked out from between her fingers. “I’m not supposed to be here either,” she said.
Carla turned to Colleen. “So what’s the big emergency? Can you say it in front of Jeff?”
“He already knows,” said Colleen. She looked at Jeff. “You better not tell anybody!”
“I won’t,” Jeff promised.
“Tell anybody what?” asked Carla.
“Colleen walked into the boys’ bathroom,” said Jeff. “I was there washing my face.”
“Jeff!” Colleen exploded. “You just promised you wouldn’t tell!”
“Oops,” said Jeff. He blushed. “It was only Carla. You were going to tell her anyway, weren’t you?”
Colleen smiled at him. “I didn’t go there on purpose,” she explained to Carla. “It was an accident.”
“I don’t believe in accidents,” said Carla.
Colleen stared at her in amazement. She wondered how Carla knew she had gone in after Jeff on purpose. She turned to Jeff. “I’m sorry for saying hello to you when you didn’t like it.”
“That’s okay.”
“Anyway, how was I supposed to know you didn’t like it? You always said hello back.”
“I know. I can’t help it. Whenever anybody says hello to me, I always have to say hello back.” He looked at the picture of the green monster with six hands hanging on the wall. “If a big scary monster said, ‘Hello, Jeff,’ I’d probably say hello back to it, too.”
Colleen laughed.
“Well, what’s wrong with that?” demande
Colleen frowned. She suddenly remembered that Bradley Chalkers had said hello to her at the beginning of the lunch period and she had walked away without saying hello back. It made her feel terrible.
“You can say hello to me whenever you want,” said Jeff.
She smiled again. “Hello, Jeff,” she said.
“Hello, Colleen,” said Jeff.
“I read somewhere,” said Carla, “that in Zen, the most important rule is that when one person says hello to you, you have to say hello back.”
“What’s Zen?” asked Colleen.
“A religion,” answered Carla. She got a book from her bookcase. “Here it is.” She read aloud from Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters by J. D. Salinger: “ ‘In certain Zen monasteries, it’s a cardinal rule … that when one monk calls out “Hi” to another monk, the latter must call back “Hi!” without thinking.’ ”
“Jeff should be a Zen monk!” Colleen exclaimed with delight.
Jeff laughed. “I already say hello to anybody who says hello to me,” he said proudly.
“Can girls be Zen monks too?” Colleen asked.
“Why not?” asked Carla.
Colleen laughed with delight. Then she said, “Jeff, do you want to come to my birthday party next Sunday?”
“Yes!” said Jeff. “That’s the second most important rule about being a Zen monk. Whenever another Zen monk invites you to a birthday party, you have to say yes!”
Colleen laughed again. “You’re the only boy so far,” she said. “I’ll invite one more, but only one. I can’t invite too many boys.”
Suddenly she looked very serious. She knew what she had to do.
35.
Before dinner, while it was still light, Bradley’s father, bad leg and all, taught Bradley how to dribble. Bradley could hardly wait to show his friends.
The next morning, when the bell rang for recess, everyone hurried outside.
Except Bradley.
First, he had to put his paper neatly in his notebook. Then he had to mark his place in his book and put all his pencils in his pencil holder. Then he put everything away, neatly, in his desk.