Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami
She stopped and was silent. I’d finished my whiskey, so I ordered another round for the both of us.
“What do you mean by ‘warped’?” I tried prompting her. “Do you mean anything specific?”
“Of course I do,” she said sharply. “Things have happened, but it’s hard to find the words to describe it. So I never told anyone. I mean, it was really real, what I felt, but if I try to explain it in words, then it sort of starts to slip away.”
“So it’s like a dream that’s very real?”
“But this wasn’t a dream. You know dreams sort of fade after a while? Not this thing. No way. It’s always stayed the same. It’s always real, right there, before my eyes.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“Okay, this is what happened,” she said, taking a drink of her Bloody Mary and dabbing her lips with the napkin. “It was in January. The beginning of January, right after New Year’s. I was working the late shift, which I don’t generally like, but on that day it was my turn. Anyway, I didn’t get through until around midnight. When it’s late like that, they send you home in a taxi because the trains aren’t running. So after I changed clothes, I realized that I’d left my book in the staff lounge. I guess I could have waited until the next day, but the girl I was going to share the taxi with was still finishing up, so I decided to go get it. I got in the employee elevator and punched the button for the sixteenth floor, which is where the staff lounge and other staff facilities are—we take our coffee break there and go up there a lot.
“Anyway I was in the elevator and the door opened and I stepped out like always. I didn’t think anything of it, I mean, who would? It’s something that you do all the time, right? I stepped out like it was the most natural thing in the world. I guess I was thinking about something, I don’t remember what. I think I had both hands in my pockets and I was standing there in the hallway, when I noticed that everything around me was dark. I mean, like absolutely pitch black. I turned around and the elevator door had just shut. The first thing I thought was, uh-oh, the power’s gone out. But that’s impossible. The hotel has this in-house emergency generator, so if there’s a power failure, the generator kicks on automatically. We had these practice sessions during training, so I know. So, in principle, there’s not supposed to be anything like a blackout. And if on the million-to-one chance something goes wrong with the generator, then emergency lights in the hallway are supposed to come on. So what I’m saying is, it wasn’t supposed to be pitch black. I should have been seeing green lamps along the hall.
“But the whole place was completely dark. All I could see were the elevator call buttons and the red digital display that says what floor it’s on. So the first thing I did was press the call buttons, but the elevator kept going down. I didn’t know what to do. Then, for some reason, I decided to take a look around. I was really scared, but I was also feeling really put out.
“What I was thinking was that something was wrong with the basic functions of the hotel. Mechanically or structurally or something. And that meant more hassle from the management and no holidays and all sorts of annoying stuff. So, the more I thought about these things, the more annoyed I got. My annoyance got bigger than my fear. And that’s how I decided to, you know, just have a look around. I walked two or three steps and—well, something was really strange. I mean, I couldn’t hear the sound of my feet. There was no sound at all. And the floor felt funny, not like the regular carpet. It was hard. Honest. And then the air, it felt different, too. It was … it was moldy. Not like the hotel air at all. Our hotel is supposed to be fully air-conditioned and management is very fussy about it because it’s not like ordinary air-conditioning, it’s supposed to be quality air, not the dehumidified stuff in other hotels that dries out your nose. Our air is like natural air. So the stale, moldy air was really a shock. And it smelled like it was … old—you know, like when you go to visit your grandparents in the country and you open up the old family storehouse—like that. Stagnant and musty.
“I turned around and now even the elevator call buttons had gone out. I couldn’t see a thing. Everything was out, completely, which was really frightening. I mean, I was entirely alone in total darkness, and it was utterly quiet. Utterly. There wasn’t a single sound. Strange. You’d think that in a power failure, at least one person would be calling out. And this was when the hotel was almost full. You’d’ve thought a lot of people would be making noise. Not this time.”
Our drinks arrived, and we each took sips. Then she set hers down and adjusted her glasses.
“Did you follow me so far?”
“Pretty much,” I said. “You got off the elevator on the sixteenth floor. It’s pitch black. It smells strange. It’s too quiet. Something funny is going on.”
She let out a sigh. “I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but I’m not especially a timid person. At least I think I’m pretty brave. I’m not the type who screams her head off when the lights go out. I get scared but I don’t freak out. I figure that you ought to go check things out. So I started feeling my way blind up the hallway.”
“In which direction?”
“To the right,” she said, raising her right hand. “I felt my way along the wall, very slowly, and after a bit the hallway turned to the right again. And then, up ahead, I could see a faint glow. Really faint, like candlelight leaking in from far away. My first thought was that someone had found some emergency candles and lit them. I kept going, but when I got closer, I saw that the light was coming from a room with the door slightly ajar. The door was pretty strange too. I’d never seen an old door like that in the hotel before. I just stood there in front of it, not knowing what to do next. What if somebody was inside? What if somebody weird came out? What was this door doing here in the first place?
“So I knocked on the door softly, very softly. It was hardly a knock at all, but it came out sounding really loud—maybe because the hallway was dead quiet. Anyway, no response. I waited ten seconds, and during those ten seconds, I was just frozen. I hadn’t the slightest idea what I was going to do. Then I heard this muffled noise. I don’t know, it was like a person in heavy clothing standing up, and then there were these footsteps. Really slow, shuffle … shuffle … shuffle …, like he was wearing slippers or something. The footsteps came closer and closer to the door.”
She stared off into space and was shaking her head.
“That was when I started to freak out. Like maybe these footsteps weren’t human. I don’t know how I came to that conclusion. It was just this creepy feeling I got, because human feet don’t walk like that. Chills ran up my spine, I mean seriously. I ran. I didn’t even look where I was going. I must have fallen once or twice, I think, because my stockings were torn. This part I don’t remember very well. All I can remember is that I ran. I panicked. Like what if the elevator’s dead? Thank god, when I finally got back there, the red floor-number light and call buttons were lit up and everything. The elevator was on the ground floor. I started pounding the call buttons and then the elevator started coming back up. But much slower than usual. Really, it was like this incredible slug. Like, second … third … fourth … I was praying, c’mon, hurry up, oh come on, but it didn’t do any good. The thing took forever. It was like somebody was jamming the controls.”
She let out a deep breath and sipped her drink again. Then she played with her ring a second longer.
I waited for her to continue. The music had stopped, someone was laughing.
“I could still hear those footsteps, shuffle … shuffle … shuffle …, getting closer. They just didn’t stop, shuffle … shuffle … shuffle …, moving down the hall, coming toward me. I was terrified! I was more terrified than I’d ever been in my whole life. My stomach was practically squeezed up into my throat. I was sweating all over, but I was cold. I had the chills. The elevator wasn’t anywhere near. Seventh … eighth … ninth … The footsteps kept coming.”
She paused for twenty or thirty seconds. And once again, she gave her r
“I can’t really describe how I felt. You just have to experience it,” she spoke dryly.
“Then what happened?”
“The next thing I knew, the elevator was there,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “The door opened and I could see that nice, familiar light. I fell in, literally. I was shaking all over, but I managed to push the button for the lobby. When it got there, I must’ve scared everyone silly. I was all pale and speechless and trembling. The manager came over and shook me, and said, ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ So I tried to tell him about the strange things on the sixteenth floor, but I kept running out of breath. The manager stopped me in the middle of my story and called over one of the staff boys, and all three of us went back up to the sixteenth floor. Just to check things out. But everything was perfectly normal up there. All the lights were shining away, there was no old smell, everything was the same as always, as it was supposed to be. We went to the staff lounge and asked the guy who was there if he knew anything about it, but he swore up and down he’d been awake the whole time and the power hadn’t gone out. Then, just to be sure, we walked the entire sixteenth floor from one end to the other. Nothing was out of the ordinary. It was like I’d been bewitched or something.
“We went back down and the manager took me into his office. I was sure he was going to scream at me, but he didn’t even get mad. He asked me to tell him what happened again in more detail. So I explained everything as clearly as I could, from the beginning, right down to those footsteps coming after me. I felt like a complete idiot. I was sure he was going to laugh at me and say I’d dreamed the whole thing up.
“But he didn’t laugh or anything. Instead, he looked dead serious. Then he said: ‘You’re not to tell anyone about this.’ He spoke very gently. ‘Something must have gone wrong, but we shouldn’t upset the other employees, so let’s keep this completely quiet.’ And let me tell you, this manager is not the type to speak gently. He’s ready to fly off the handle at any second. That’s when it occurred to me—that maybe I wasn’t the first person this happened to.”
She now sat silent.
“And you haven’t heard anybody talk about something like this? Weird experiences, or strange happenings, or anything mysterious? What about rumors?”
She thought it over and shook her head. “No, not that I’m aware of. But there really is something funny about the place. The way the manager reacted when I told him what happened and all those hush-hush conversations going on all the time. I really can’t explain any better, but something isn’t right. It’s not at all like the hotel I worked at before. Of course, that wasn’t such a big hotel, so things were a little different, but this is real different. That hotel had its own ghost story—every hotel’s probably got one—but we all could laugh at it. Here, it’s not like that at all. Nobody laughs. So it’s even more scary. The manager, for example, if he made a joke of it, or even if he yelled at me, it wouldn’t have seemed so strange. That way, I would’ve thought there was just a malfunction or something.”
She squinted at the glass in her hand.
“Did you go back to the sixteenth floor after that?” I asked.
“Lots of times,” she said matter-of-factly. “It’s still part of my workplace, so I go there when I have to, whether I like it or not. But I only go during the day. I never go there at night, I don’t care what. I don’t ever want to go through that again. That’s why I won’t work the night shift. I even told my boss that.”
“And you’ve never mentioned this to anyone else?”
She shook her head quickly. “Like I already said, this is the first time. No one would’ve believed me anyway. I told you about it because I thought maybe you’d have a clue about this sixteenth-floor business.”
“Me?”
She gazed at me abstractedly. “Well, for one thing, you knew about the old Dolphin Hotel and you wanted to hear what happened to it. I couldn’t help hoping you might know something about what I’d gone through.”
“Nope, afraid not,” I said, after a bit. “I’m not a specialist on the hotel. The old Dolphin was a small place, and it wasn’t very popular. It was just an ordinary hotel.”
Of course I didn’t for a moment think the old Dolphin was just an ordinary hotel, but I didn’t want to open up that can of worms.
“But this afternoon, when I asked you about the Dolphin Hotel, you said it was a long story. What did you mean by that?”
“That part of it’s kind of personal,” I said. “If I start in on that, it gets pretty involved. Anyway, I don’t think it has anything to do with what you just told me.”
She seemed disappointed. Pouting slightly, she stared down at her hands.
“Sorry I can’t be of more help,” I said, “especially after all the trouble you took to tell me this.”
“Well, don’t worry, it’s not your fault. I’m still glad I could tell you about it. These sort of things, you keep them all to yourself and they really start to get to you.”
“Yup, you gotta let the pressure out. If you don’t, it builds up inside your head.” I made an over-inflated balloon with my arms.
She nodded silently as she fiddled with her ring again, removing it from her finger, then putting it back.
“Tell me, do you even believe my story? About the sixteenth floor and all?” she whispered, not raising her eyes from her fingers.
“Of course I believe you,” I said.
“Really? But it’s kind of peculiar, don’t you think?”
“That may be, but peculiar things do happen. I know that much. That’s why I believe you. It all links up somewhere, I think.”
She puzzled over that a minute. “Then you’ve had a similar experience?”
“Yeah, at least I think I have.”
“Was it scary?” she asked.
“No, it wasn’t like your experience,” I answered. “No, what I mean is, things connect in all kinds of ways. With me …” But for no reason I could understand, the words died in my throat. As if someone had yanked out the telephone line. I took a sip of whiskey and tried again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to put it. But I definitely have seen my share of unbelievable things. So I’m quite prepared to believe what you’ve told me. I don’t think you made up the story.”
She looked up and smiled. An individual smile, I thought, not the professional variety. And she relaxed. “I don’t know why,” she said, “but I feel better talking to you. I’m usually pretty shy. It’s really hard for me to talk to people I don’t know, but with you it’s different.”
“Maybe we have something in common,” I laughed.
She didn’t know what to make of that remark, and in the end didn’t say anything. Instead, she sighed. Then she asked, “Feel like eating? All of a sudden, I’m starving.”
I offered to take her somewhere for a real meal, but she said a snack where we were would do.
We ordered a pizza. And continued talking as we ate. About work at the hotel, about life in Sapporo. About herself. After high school, she’d gone to hotelier school for two years, then she worked at a hotel in Tokyo for two years, when she answered an ad for the new Dolphin Hotel. She was twenty-three. The move to Sapporo was good for her; her parents ran an inn near Asahikawa, about 120 kilometers away.
“It’s a fairly well-known inn. They’ve been at it a long time,” she said.
“So after doing your job here, you’ll take over the family business?” I asked.
“Not necessarily,” she said, pushing up the bridge of her glasses. “I haven’t thought that far ahead. I just like hotel work. People coming, staying, leaving, all that. I feel comfortable there in the middle of it. It puts me at ease. After all, it’s the environment I was raised in.”
“So that’s why,” I said.
“Why what?”
“Why sta
“Spirit of the hotel?” she laughed. “What a nice thing to say! If only I really could become like that.”
“I’m sure you can, if that’s what you want,” I smiled back.
She thought that over a while, then asked to hear my story.
“Not very interesting,” I begged off, but still she wanted to hear. So I gave her a short rundown: thirty-four, divorced, writer of odd jobs, driver of used Subaru. Nothing novel.
But still she was curious about my work. So I told her about my interviews with would-be starlets, about my piece on restaurants in Hakodate.
“Sounds like fun,” she said, brightening up.
“ ‘Fun’ is not the word. The writing itself is no big thing. I mean I like writing. It’s even relaxing for me. But the content is a real zero. Pointless in fact.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, for instance, you do the rounds of fifteen restaurants in one day, you eat one bite of each dish and leave the rest untouched. You think that makes sense?”
“But you couldn’t very well eat everything, could you?”
“Of course not. I’d drop dead in three days if I did. And everyone would think I was an idiot. I’d get no sympathy whatsoever.”
“So what choice have you got?” she said.
“I don’t know. The way I see it, it’s like shoveling snow. You do it because somebody’s got to, not because it’s fun.”
“Shoveling snow, huh?” she mused.
“Well, you know, cultural snow,” I said.
We drank a lot. I lost track of how much, but it was past eleven when she eyed her watch and said she had an early morning. I paid the bill and we stepped outside into flurries of snow. I offered to have my taxi drop her at her place, about ten minutes away. The snow wasn’t heavy, but the road was frozen slick. She held on tight to my arm as we walked to the taxi stand. I think she was more than a little inebriated.