1950s: The Decade of Perfect Housewives, Cadillacs & Zombies by Eduard Joseph
bay. It kept their little town unspoiled.
She passed a set of swings in the park, followed by the slide and jungle-gym. It brought back many memories of her childhood; her mother prohibited her from playing in the park. It was un-ladylike, her mother always said. She never regretted not playing in a park with the other children. Her mother shaped her into the woman she was today.
As she got to the edge of the park, she noticed something move in the undergrowth to her left. She paused and stared at the bushes that engulfed the trunk of the tree. There was a slight rustle of leaves and then all was quiet once more.
“Hello?” She asked politely.
There was no answer and no movement.
“Is there a child in the bushes that needs assistance?” She insisted politely, “I am qualified in giving C.P.R. should someone need it.”
She stared at the bushes; half expecting a response, but nothing happened.
“Is there a zzzzzz…” She cringed at the taste of the word, “Is there an undead person in the bushes?”
She kept staring at the bushes; scrutinizing each leaf.
“If there is an undead person in the bushes,” She warned graciously, “I am armed and extremely dangerous.”
Without warning a rat jetted out of the bushes, startling Lucy. Instinctively, she kicked the rat and it summersaulted through the air, crashed into another tree and fell to the ground. It rolled back over onto its feet and scurried away.
Lucy gasped and took a moment to calm herself down. She touched her bun to make sure her hair was still neat, smoothed out her dress and straightened her posture. She just hoped nobody was around to see her run-in with a rodent.
She continued on her way back home and as she came around the bend in Loop Street, she saw the paper-man again. He stood at the gate of one of the houses and had his back to her. He repeatedly bumped into the gate, looked down, backed up and bumped into the gate. He was clearly irrational.
“Charles?” She said gracefully as she neared him, “Are you alright? Do you need any assistance?”
Charles turned around to look at her. His face was pale and his pupils were dilated. Saliva drooped from his lower lip as he groaned. Lucy stopped and stared at him from a safe distance.
“Charles?” She asked bemused, “When did you die?”
Charles sluggishly walked towards her with his outstretched hands.
“Charles.” She cautioned, “I’m warning you… damn. I used a conjunction. Charles… stay back. I am armed and I know how to defend myself.”
Charles didn’t heed her warning, because well, he was dead. He continued moaning as he walked towards her with his hands stretched out in front of him. His fingers clawed and moved like wriggling worms on a hook.
Lucy made sure she wasn’t being watched as she would die of embarrassment if someone saw her on the same street as a zzzzz… undead person. She lifted her dress and took the knife from the holster around her thigh. She lowered the dress and firmly gripped the knife.
“Charles…” She warned courteously, “Stay back.”
He kept walking towards her. She knew he wouldn’t stop until he got to her and that she had to put an end to it. She took a deep breath and stepped forward with the knife in a stabbing position. As he got closer, she stopped and scrutinized him. She wanted to stab him in the head, but had to strategically plan her position as to minimalize the blood spatter onto her clothes.
“Maybe from this angle.” She said to herself.
She moved to his right and practiced stabbing him while he sluggishly turned to face her. From where she stood she came to the conclusion that some blood spatter might occur.
“Nope.” She said.
She moved to his other side as Charles reached out at her, but missed. She scrutinized the zombie for a moment and was satisfied that no blood would splatter onto her from this angle.
“Perfect.” She said approvingly.
She raised the knife as Charles turned towards her and then brought the knife down onto his head. The blade pierced the skull and splattered blood and brains onto Lucy’s face as she quietly shrieked. She pulled the knife free and Charles’s lifeless corpse collapsed at her feet.
She was still frozen midway in a gasp as she wiped the blood from her face. So much for her perfect appearance.
She glanced at the houses that surrounded her and luckily for her, none of the residents heard or saw the commotion. She stared down at the lifeless zombie at her feet. She couldn’t leave him out there for all the world to see. She had to get rid of the evidence. She bent over, grabbed him by the wrists and started dragging him to a nearby bush. She pushed him into the bush with her foot and he rolled right in.
“Stay put.” She heaved, “I will come back to properly dispose of you later.”
She knew she had to get rid of the body. It had been years since anyone in town had seen a zombie. His body could cause widespread panic; something she wanted to avoid. After all, she had plans with her sister that day.
SIX
A good housewife didn’t ask stupid questions. A good housewife had morals and self-respect. A good housewife was born and bred to be perfect. It was something passed on from generation to generation, so why was Agnes so different? Why did she insist on being difficult when it came to being ladylike?
Lucy stood under the shower and thought about all the questions she had as the water washed away all the blood and guts of her early morning zombie kill. The red water twirled at her toes before disappearing down the drain.
Lucy had a busy day ahead. She had the appointment with her sister, she had to clean the house and teach Agnes to be a lady after school. It would be a daunting task, but once done it would be its own reward.
She got out of the shower, towelled herself dry and got dressed. It took her about thirty minutes to dry her hair, style it and put on some make up. Once she was satisfied she looked exactly like she did before the zombie kill, she went downstairs to start with breakfast.
When she got to the kitchen, Agnes was already sitting at the kitchen table. Agnes yawned and rested her chin on her hand as Lucy walked in.
“Morning sweetheart.” Lucy greeted warmly.
“Morning.” Agnes yawned.
“What would you like for breakfast?” Lucy asked, “Toast and eggs?”
“Yes please.” Agnes yawned.
“We have a busy day ahead of us.” Lucy said as she opened the fridge, “Remember you have lessons in being a perfect housewife with me at three this afternoon.”
“Yes, mother.” Agnes groaned.
Lucy cracked four eggs into a pan and said, “And no messing around at the library today. I need you refreshed and focussed for our lesson this afternoon.”
“Yes, mother.” Agnes yawned.
“I know it feels like punishment now,” Lucy said, “But in the long run you will thank me.”
Lucy popped two slices of bread into the toaster and attended to the eggs in the pan.
“I heard they found a zombie this morning.” Agnes sighed jaded.
Lucy cringed at the Z-word and the spatula scuffed across the surface of the pan, spilling some yolk. She quickly reached for washcloth and wiped up the spilled egg.
“Are you alright?” Agnes asked intrigued.
“Yes.” Lucy said nervously, “It’s just… you know how I hate that word.”
“You used a conjunction.” Agnes said losing interest in the conversation.
Lucy spun around, rested her hands upon the edge of the stove and smiled at Agnes. Agnes was perplexed at the sudden change in demeanour, but decided to dismiss it.
“Where did you hear that?” Lucy asked enthralled.
“Hear what?” Agnes asked pretending to be daft.
“About what they found?” Lucy said.
Agnes stared at Lucy a moment as if being completely daft.
“Found what?” Agnes asked pretending to be oblivious to the subject.
Agnes wanted her mother to say the word zombie
, but Lucy wasn’t biting.
“The undead person.” Lucy said.
Agnes sighed and said, “The radio said Mrs Patrick went out to get her morning mail and she said she saw someone kill Charles the paperboy. He was infected.”
Lucy nervously stared at Agnes and tried to keep her smile.
“Did she say who she saw?” Lucy asked.
“Nope.” Agnes yawned, “She only saw the person for a split second, but said she didn’t recognize her. The woman had blond hair though…”
Lucy let out a sigh of relief. Her secret was safe for the time being. It wouldn’t be long until she became a suspect with her brand new blond hairstyle, but by then most people will be more worried about how the zombie came into town and not about who killed him.
“They say Charles had flesh stuck in between his teeth.” Agnes said with a yawn, “Which means he bit someone before getting killed.”
A chill ran down Lucy’s spine. She didn’t recall seeing human flesh in his teeth. She wondered who the victim was. If there was a victim, they could turn and infect more people.
“Whoever it was, hasn’t come forward yet.” Agnes said, “So the police think the person is already dead… or undead. Apparently the victim is a smart zombie that’s going from house to house eating people.”
Lucy could feel the color draining from her face along with her smile. There was a knock at the front door which made Lucy nearly jump out of her skin.
“I’m kidding.” Agnes said with a chuckle.
“What?” Lucy asked half relieved.
“About what I just told you.” Agnes said, “It doesn’t seem he attacked anyone.”
Lucy let out a sigh of relief and said, “Don’t do that.
She passed a set of swings in the park, followed by the slide and jungle-gym. It brought back many memories of her childhood; her mother prohibited her from playing in the park. It was un-ladylike, her mother always said. She never regretted not playing in a park with the other children. Her mother shaped her into the woman she was today.
As she got to the edge of the park, she noticed something move in the undergrowth to her left. She paused and stared at the bushes that engulfed the trunk of the tree. There was a slight rustle of leaves and then all was quiet once more.
“Hello?” She asked politely.
There was no answer and no movement.
“Is there a child in the bushes that needs assistance?” She insisted politely, “I am qualified in giving C.P.R. should someone need it.”
She stared at the bushes; half expecting a response, but nothing happened.
“Is there a zzzzzz…” She cringed at the taste of the word, “Is there an undead person in the bushes?”
She kept staring at the bushes; scrutinizing each leaf.
“If there is an undead person in the bushes,” She warned graciously, “I am armed and extremely dangerous.”
Without warning a rat jetted out of the bushes, startling Lucy. Instinctively, she kicked the rat and it summersaulted through the air, crashed into another tree and fell to the ground. It rolled back over onto its feet and scurried away.
Lucy gasped and took a moment to calm herself down. She touched her bun to make sure her hair was still neat, smoothed out her dress and straightened her posture. She just hoped nobody was around to see her run-in with a rodent.
She continued on her way back home and as she came around the bend in Loop Street, she saw the paper-man again. He stood at the gate of one of the houses and had his back to her. He repeatedly bumped into the gate, looked down, backed up and bumped into the gate. He was clearly irrational.
“Charles?” She said gracefully as she neared him, “Are you alright? Do you need any assistance?”
Charles turned around to look at her. His face was pale and his pupils were dilated. Saliva drooped from his lower lip as he groaned. Lucy stopped and stared at him from a safe distance.
“Charles?” She asked bemused, “When did you die?”
Charles sluggishly walked towards her with his outstretched hands.
“Charles.” She cautioned, “I’m warning you… damn. I used a conjunction. Charles… stay back. I am armed and I know how to defend myself.”
Charles didn’t heed her warning, because well, he was dead. He continued moaning as he walked towards her with his hands stretched out in front of him. His fingers clawed and moved like wriggling worms on a hook.
Lucy made sure she wasn’t being watched as she would die of embarrassment if someone saw her on the same street as a zzzzz… undead person. She lifted her dress and took the knife from the holster around her thigh. She lowered the dress and firmly gripped the knife.
“Charles…” She warned courteously, “Stay back.”
He kept walking towards her. She knew he wouldn’t stop until he got to her and that she had to put an end to it. She took a deep breath and stepped forward with the knife in a stabbing position. As he got closer, she stopped and scrutinized him. She wanted to stab him in the head, but had to strategically plan her position as to minimalize the blood spatter onto her clothes.
“Maybe from this angle.” She said to herself.
She moved to his right and practiced stabbing him while he sluggishly turned to face her. From where she stood she came to the conclusion that some blood spatter might occur.
“Nope.” She said.
She moved to his other side as Charles reached out at her, but missed. She scrutinized the zombie for a moment and was satisfied that no blood would splatter onto her from this angle.
“Perfect.” She said approvingly.
She raised the knife as Charles turned towards her and then brought the knife down onto his head. The blade pierced the skull and splattered blood and brains onto Lucy’s face as she quietly shrieked. She pulled the knife free and Charles’s lifeless corpse collapsed at her feet.
She was still frozen midway in a gasp as she wiped the blood from her face. So much for her perfect appearance.
She glanced at the houses that surrounded her and luckily for her, none of the residents heard or saw the commotion. She stared down at the lifeless zombie at her feet. She couldn’t leave him out there for all the world to see. She had to get rid of the evidence. She bent over, grabbed him by the wrists and started dragging him to a nearby bush. She pushed him into the bush with her foot and he rolled right in.
“Stay put.” She heaved, “I will come back to properly dispose of you later.”
She knew she had to get rid of the body. It had been years since anyone in town had seen a zombie. His body could cause widespread panic; something she wanted to avoid. After all, she had plans with her sister that day.
SIX
A good housewife didn’t ask stupid questions. A good housewife had morals and self-respect. A good housewife was born and bred to be perfect. It was something passed on from generation to generation, so why was Agnes so different? Why did she insist on being difficult when it came to being ladylike?
Lucy stood under the shower and thought about all the questions she had as the water washed away all the blood and guts of her early morning zombie kill. The red water twirled at her toes before disappearing down the drain.
Lucy had a busy day ahead. She had the appointment with her sister, she had to clean the house and teach Agnes to be a lady after school. It would be a daunting task, but once done it would be its own reward.
She got out of the shower, towelled herself dry and got dressed. It took her about thirty minutes to dry her hair, style it and put on some make up. Once she was satisfied she looked exactly like she did before the zombie kill, she went downstairs to start with breakfast.
When she got to the kitchen, Agnes was already sitting at the kitchen table. Agnes yawned and rested her chin on her hand as Lucy walked in.
“Morning sweetheart.” Lucy greeted warmly.
“Morning.” Agnes yawned.
“What would you like for breakfast?” Lucy asked, “Toast and eggs?”
“Yes please.” Agnes yawned.
“We have a busy day ahead of us.” Lucy said as she opened the fridge, “Remember you have lessons in being a perfect housewife with me at three this afternoon.”
“Yes, mother.” Agnes groaned.
Lucy cracked four eggs into a pan and said, “And no messing around at the library today. I need you refreshed and focussed for our lesson this afternoon.”
“Yes, mother.” Agnes yawned.
“I know it feels like punishment now,” Lucy said, “But in the long run you will thank me.”
Lucy popped two slices of bread into the toaster and attended to the eggs in the pan.
“I heard they found a zombie this morning.” Agnes sighed jaded.
Lucy cringed at the Z-word and the spatula scuffed across the surface of the pan, spilling some yolk. She quickly reached for washcloth and wiped up the spilled egg.
“Are you alright?” Agnes asked intrigued.
“Yes.” Lucy said nervously, “It’s just… you know how I hate that word.”
“You used a conjunction.” Agnes said losing interest in the conversation.
Lucy spun around, rested her hands upon the edge of the stove and smiled at Agnes. Agnes was perplexed at the sudden change in demeanour, but decided to dismiss it.
“Where did you hear that?” Lucy asked enthralled.
“Hear what?” Agnes asked pretending to be daft.
“About what they found?” Lucy said.
Agnes stared at Lucy a moment as if being completely daft.
“Found what?” Agnes asked pretending to be oblivious to the subject.
Agnes wanted her mother to say the word zombie
“The undead person.” Lucy said.
Agnes sighed and said, “The radio said Mrs Patrick went out to get her morning mail and she said she saw someone kill Charles the paperboy. He was infected.”
Lucy nervously stared at Agnes and tried to keep her smile.
“Did she say who she saw?” Lucy asked.
“Nope.” Agnes yawned, “She only saw the person for a split second, but said she didn’t recognize her. The woman had blond hair though…”
Lucy let out a sigh of relief. Her secret was safe for the time being. It wouldn’t be long until she became a suspect with her brand new blond hairstyle, but by then most people will be more worried about how the zombie came into town and not about who killed him.
“They say Charles had flesh stuck in between his teeth.” Agnes said with a yawn, “Which means he bit someone before getting killed.”
A chill ran down Lucy’s spine. She didn’t recall seeing human flesh in his teeth. She wondered who the victim was. If there was a victim, they could turn and infect more people.
“Whoever it was, hasn’t come forward yet.” Agnes said, “So the police think the person is already dead… or undead. Apparently the victim is a smart zombie that’s going from house to house eating people.”
Lucy could feel the color draining from her face along with her smile. There was a knock at the front door which made Lucy nearly jump out of her skin.
“I’m kidding.” Agnes said with a chuckle.
“What?” Lucy asked half relieved.
“About what I just told you.” Agnes said, “It doesn’t seem he attacked anyone.”
Lucy let out a sigh of relief and said, “Don’t do that.