A College Girl by Mrs. George de Horne Vaizey
CHAPTER SEVEN.
AUNT MARIA'S CHOICE.
Aunt Maria arrived on Tuesday night, bringing "my woman" in attendance.She was more like a parrot than ever, for her face had grown narrower,her nose bigger, and the roundness of her eyes was accentuated by gold-rimmed spectacles. When a richly coloured Paisley shawl was drawntightly over her sloping shoulders the resemblance was positivelystartling to behold, and the terrors of an eight-weeks visit loomedlarger than ever before the minds of the Garnett sisters.
The extraordinary thing was that Aunt Maria seemed to take no notice ofthe girls, whom, as everybody was aware, she had come to inspect. Shetalked to father, she talked to mother, she cross-questioned the boys asto their progress at school and expressed regret that they had not donebetter; she displayed an intelligent interest in the neighbours, theservants, and the new dining-room rug, but for the three daughters ofthe house she had not a word, hardly, it was believed, a glance.
In the presence of such utter indifference it was impossible to keep upthe various roles which each girl had privately practised with the viewof concealing her charms and diverting Aunt Maria's attention fromherself. Clemence had decided that rounded shoulders and a lurchinggait were defects which at seventeen threatened a painful permanence,and had therefore lurched persistently throughout the first evening,since which time she had slowly but steadily recovered her natural gait.
After long practice before the mirror Darsie had decided that an openmouth and falling under-jaw could work marvels in the way of stupidityof expression, and had nerved herself to sit agape for the period offorty-eight hours. Lavender had decided to sulk. "Every one hatessulks! It would be better to live alone on a desert island than with aperson who sulks. I'll sulk, and she won't be paid to have me!" So onesister had sulked and the other gaped the whole of that first longevening, and then, becoming increasingly freed from their fears, beganto smile secretly across the table, to nod and to nudge, to telegraphmessages in the silent but eloquent fashions to which members of a largefamily resort when visitors are present and talking is not allowed. AndAunt Maria munched her food, and wrapped the Paisley shawl more closelyround her shoulders, and cast not a glance to right or left! A blissfulpossibility was broached that she had changed her mind, and did notdesire a visitor after all.
Wednesday and Thursday passed in increasing calm, but on Friday morningcertain alarming symptoms became visible. Mrs Garnett came tobreakfast with unmistakable signs of agitation upon her face. MrGarnett was silent and distrait, hid behind his newspaper, and answeredat random the remarks of his family. Late arrivals were allowed to passwithout reproach, and Tim's raids upon the marmalade received no furtherprotest than a flickering smile.
The die was cast! The girls knew it without a word; in a stupor ofmisery they sat, ears cocked, hearts in their boots, waiting for a signwhich should betray the truth, and decide once for all the identity ofthe victim.
It came at last, towards the end of the meal, in the midst of a ghastlysilence.
"Darsie, darling," said Mrs Garnett fondly, "won't you have some morecoffee?"
"_Darling_!" Never were Mrs Garnett's north-country lips known to usethat term except under stress of the most poignant emotion. To be"darling" one was compelled to be very ill, very sad, angelicallyrepentant, or in an extremity of fear, and Darsie, who this morning wasnot afflicted in any one of these three ways, realised in a flash theawful significance of the term. She sat white and silent, too dazed forspeech, and to do them justice Clemence and Lavender looked almost asperturbed as herself, relief on their own account being eclipsed for themoment by a realisation of the loss which the holiday party was about tosustain. With a sudden and uninvited humility each sister mentallyacknowledged that for the general good of the family it would have beenbetter had the choice fallen upon herself!
Darsie braced her feet against a leg of the table, and struggled with alump in her throat. Coffee? she never wanted to drink any more coffeeso long as she lived! The sight, the smell of it would be for everassociated with this ghastly moment. She turned big, woeful eyes on hermother's face and stammered a breathless inquiry:
"Mother, you have something to say! Please say it. Don't break it tome, please; it's worse to wait. Say it bang out!"
"Oh, Darsie, darling; yes, darling, it _is_ as you suppose! Aunt Mariahas chosen you. She wants you to start with her on Saturday morning,but if it's too soon--if you would rather stay over Sunday, I willarrange..."
Darsie bit her lips in the desperate resolve not to cry, but to carryoff the situation with a high air.
"If I'm to go at all, I'd rather go at once, and get it over. There'snothing to be gained by delay. `Better to die by sudden shock thanperish piecemeal on the rock.'"
"But you will want to say goodbye to your friends, dear; you will havelittle arrangements to make..." Mrs Garnett was all nervousness andanxiety to appease, but after the manner of victims Darsie felt aperverse satisfaction in rejecting overtures, even when by so doing shedoubly punished herself.
"I don't mean to say goodbye. I don't wish to see any one before I go.I hate scenes."
"Well, well! just as you please, dear. After all, it is for a veryshort time. Eight weeks will soon pass."
Silence. Every youthful face at the table was set in an eloquentdeclaration that eight weeks was an eternity, a waste, a desert ofspace. Mr Garnett put down his newspaper and hurriedly left the room.He had the usual male horror of scenes, and, moreover, Darsie was hisspecial pet, and his own nerves were on edge at the thought of thecoming separation. If the child cried or appealed to him forprotection, he would not like to say what he might do. Flight appearedto be his safest course, but Darsie felt a pang of disappointment andwounded love at this desertion of her cause, and the smart did not helpto improve her temper.
"Aunt Maria wishes to see you, dear, as soon as you have finished yourbreakfast," continued Mrs Garnett, elaborately conciliatory. "Fatherand I are very grateful to her for her interest in you, but you know,dear, how we feel about losing you, how we sympathise with yourdisappointment! We are convinced that in the end this chance will befor your benefit; but in the meantime it is very hard. We are sorry foryou, dear."
"And I," declared Darsie coldly, "am sorry for Aunt Maria!"
She pushed back her chair and stalked out of the room, while herbrothers and sisters stared after her agape. Along the narrow oil-clothed hall she went, up the steep, narrow staircase to the littlethird-floor bedroom, the only place on earth which was her very own.There was nothing luxurious about it, nothing of any intrinsic value orbeauty, but in the eyes of its occupant every separate article was apearl of price. All her treasures were here--her pictures, herornaments, her books, mementoes of journeyings, offerings of friends.It was a shrine, a refuge from the cold outer world. Alone in "my room"one lost the insignificance of a member of a large family, and became aresponsible human being face to face with personal trials andresponsibilities...
Eight weeks out of a life! To the adult mind a sacrifice of so short aperiod may be a disappointment, but can hardly be deemed a trial; toschoolgirl fifteen it may seem a catastrophe which clouds the wholehorizon. To Darsie Garnett the change of plan was the first real sorrowof her life, and these moments of reflection were full of a suffocatingmisery. Anticipated joys rose before her with intolerable distinctness.She saw her companions happily at play, and felt a stabbing dart ofjealousy. Yes, they would forget all about her and feel no loss fromher absence! Clemence and Vie would enjoy their _tete-a-tete_, would beunwilling to admit a third into their conferences at her return. Danwould take them for boating and fishing expeditions. Dan would grow tolike Clemence better than herself! Darsie gave a little sob of miseryat the thought. She had no sentimental feelings as regards Dan, or anyone else at this period of her life, but as the one _big_ boy, almostman, of her acquaintance Dan stood on a pedestal by himself as a loftyand superior being, whose favour was one of the prizes of life. ThatD
Darsie sobbed again, but her eyes were dry; she was angry, too angry tocry; her heart was seething with rebellion. Some one knocked at thedoor and received no answer, knocked again and was curtly ordered to "goaway"; then Mr Garnett's voice spoke, in gentle and conciliatorytones--
"It's father! Let me in, dear; I've just a minute..."
It was impossible to refuse such a request. Darsie opened the door, andthere he stood, tall and thin, with the embarrassed _boy_ look upon hisface which always made him seem especially near to his children. It wasthe look he wore when they were in trouble and he essayed to lecture andadvise, and it seemed to say, "I've been there myself; I understand!Now it's my part to play the heavy father, but _I'm not nearly so muchshocked as I pretend_!" To-day his manner was frankly commiserating.
"Well, Kiddie, dear! I was running off to town like a coward, but atthe last moment I was obliged to come up for a word. It's hard linesfor you, dear, and I want you to know that it's hard lines for me, too!The country won't be half so jolly as if we'd all been together. I'llmiss you _badly_, little lass!"
"_Don't_! I'll howl. _Don't_ make me howl!" pleaded Darsie hastily,the tight feeling about her eyes and lips giving place to an alarmingweepiness at the sound of the tender words. "If you really care,father, couldn't you--couldn't you possibly refuse?"
Mr Garnett shook his head.
"No! That's settled. We talked it over, mother and I, and agreed thatit must be done. It's a duty, dear, and we can't shelve duties in thislife. I'm sorry for you in your disappointment, and only wish I couldhelp, but in this matter no one can help but yourself. You can do a lotif you try. Shall I tell you, Darsie, how you could get over yourregret, and turn your visit to Arden into something far more agreeablethan you can now imagine?"
Darsie cocked an eye at him, suspicious and hesitating. He was going topreach! She knew the symptoms of old, and by way of counter-action puton her most dour and sullen expression.
"Um!"
"Very well, then, here it is! Turn your back on the might-have-been,and try with all your might to like what _is_! Aunt Maria will, I know,be all that is kind and indulgent--in her own way! It won't be _your_way, however, and that's the rub. If you begin your visit in a spiritof irritation, I'm afraid you are going to have a pretty poor time, butif you try to enjoy every little thing that comes along out of whichenjoyment can be squeezed and to _laugh_ at the rest, to laugh insteadof to cry--well, it's astonishing how the scene will change! Do youthink you could try?"
Darsie pouted, sulky and unconvinced. "Were _you_ resigned when youwere fifteen?"
"No, my lassie! I wasn't, indeed. Very far from it, I'm sorry to say.But when one has travelled on for many years and come many a cropper onthe way one _does_ long to show one's children the short cuts! That's_one_ short cut. Darsie; I wish you'd take it, and avoid the falls. Ifyou can't have what you like, try to like what you have. Expect good,not evil. Say to yourself every morning: `This is going to be a goodday, a happy day, one of the happiest days of my life,' and then you arehalf-way towards making it so. Poor little Kiddie! it sounds hard, buttry it--try it--and occasionally, just for a change, forget that you areDarsie Garnett for five minutes or so at a time, and pretend insteadthat you are Maria Hayes! Pretend that you are old and lonely andailing in health, and that there's a young girl staying with you fromwhom you are hoping to enjoy some brightness and variety! Eh? Theother morning in church you were beside me when we were singing `Fightthe good fight!' You sang it heartily, Darsie; I enjoyed yoursinging.--I thought you looked as if you really meant the words. Well,here's the battlefield for you, dear! Are you going to play coward? Idon't believe it. I think better of my girl!"
He laid his hand on her shoulder with a caressing touch. Darsiewriggled and screwed up her little nose in eloquent grimace, but whenthe hand crept up to her chin she lifted her face for the farewell kiss,and even volunteered an extra one on her own account on the dear, thincheek.
Mr Garnett smiled contentedly to himself as he descended the staircase.Darsie had made no promises, but he was satisfied that his words hadnot been in vain. And Darsie, left alone in her room, fellinstinctively to repeating the words of the grand old hymn--
"Run the straight race through God's good grace, Lift up thine eyes, and seek His Face..."
A little sob punctuated the lines. To the blind eyes of earth thestraight race appeared so very very crooked!