A Fluttered Dovecote by George Manville Fenn
the terror which came upon me, as I saw the tall,white figure come slowly gliding down--nearer, nearer, nearer; now inthe moonlight, now in the deep shade. Oh, it was fearful! And, afterall, to be candid, I believe the reason I did not scream out was becauseI could not; for my mouth felt hot and parched, and at times my headseemed quite to swim.
As I stood on one of the landings, and backed away from the comingfigure, I felt the door of the little room where we hung our garden hatsand mantles give way behind me, when I backed slowly in, pushed the doorsoftly to, and then crept tremblingly into a corner, drawing a largeshawl before me, but not without knocking down a hat from one of thepegs, to fall with, oh! such a noise, seeing that it was only straw.There I stood, almost without breathing, hoping that I had not beenseen, and that the figure, whatever it was, would go by.
Every second seemed turned into a minute, and at last I began to revive;for I felt that, whatever the figure was, it had passed on; and I drew along breath of relief, thinking now that I must gain my own room at anycost, and the sooner the better, for of course any meeting was quiteimpossible. I was just going to sigh deeply for poor Achille, when Ifelt, as it were, frozen again; for the door began to glide slowly open,rustling softly over the carpet--for everything sounded so horriblydistinct--and there at last stood the tall white figure, while, as Ifelt ready to die, I heard my name pronounced, in a low whisper,twice,--
"Laura! Laura!"
For a moment or two I could not reply, when the call was repeated; and,irresistibly attracted, I went slowly forward from my hiding-place, tofeel myself caught by the arm by Clara, who had been watching me.
"You cruel, wicked girl!" I exclaimed in a whisper. "How could youfrighten me so?"
"Serve you right, too, you wicked, deceitful thing," she said. "Whycould you not trust me? But I don't care. I know. I can see throughyou. I know where you are going."
"That you do not," I said, boldly; for I felt cross now the fright wasover, and I could have boxed the tiresome creature's ears.
"You'd better not talk so loudly," she said with a sneer; "that is, ifyou do not want Lady Blunt to hear your voice."
"There," I said, spitefully, "I thought you did not know."
"Under the tall elms by the garden wall," whispered Clara, laughing, andtranslating one of the sentences in the very note I had in my breast;and then I remembered that I had left it for about a quarter of an hourin my morning-dress pocket, before I ran up after changing and fetchedit down; though I never should have thought she would have been sotreacherous as to read it. But there, she had me in her power, andhowever much I might have felt disposed to resent her conduct, I coulddo nothing then, so--
"Hush!" I said, imploringly. "Pray, do not tell, dear!"
"Ah," said the nasty, treacherous thing, "then you ought to have toldme, and trusted me with your secret. But did you think that I wasblind, Laura Bozerne, and couldn't see what was going on? And you neverto respond to my confidence, when I always trusted you from the veryfirst. I did think that we were friends."
"Oh, pray don't talk so," I exclaimed; "nor make so much noise, or weshall be heard." For it was not I who spoke loudly now.
"Well, and suppose we are," she said, coolly. "I can give a goodaccount of my conduct, I think, Miss Bozerne."
"Oh, pray don't talk like that, dear," I said--"pray, don't." And then,feeling that all dissimulation was quite useless, I cast off thereserve, and exclaimed, catching her by both hands--"Oh, do help me,there's a darling; for he has been waiting for two nights."
"Yes, I dare say he has," said the deceitful creature; "but I don't meanto be mixed up with such goings on."
A nasty thing!--when I found out afterwards that she had more than oncebeen guilty of the same trick; and all the while professing to haveplaced such confidence in me. If I had been free to act, I should haveboxed the odious thing's ears; but what could I do then, but crave andpray and promise, and beg of her to be my friend, till she said shewould, and forgave me, as she called it; and then I watched her goslowly upstairs till she was out of sight; for whatever she might do inthe future, she declared that she would not help me that night.
And there I stood, in a state of trembling indecision, not knowing whatto do--whether to go after her, or steal down to the side door; and atlast I did the latter, if only out of pure pity for poor Achille, andbegan slowly to unfasten the bolts.
The nasty things went so hard that I broke my nails over them, while Iturned all hot and damp in the face when the cross bar slipped from myfingers, and made such a bang that I felt sure it must have been heardupstairs. And there I stood listening and trembling, and expectingevery moment to hear a door open and the sound of voices. It was onlythe romantic excitement, or else sheer pity, which kept me from hurryingback to my own room, to bury my sorrows in my soft pillow.
I waited quite five minutes, and then tied my handkerchief over my hat,and raised the latch. The next moment I stood outside in the deepshadow, with the water-butt on my right and the wash-house door on myleft; and then, with beating heart, I glided from shrub to shrub, till Ireached the wall, beneath whose shadow I made my way to the path thatruns under the tall elms, where the wall was covered with ivy.
In spite of my fluttering heart, and the knowledge I possessed of how Iwas committing myself, I could not help noticing how truly beautifuleverything looked--the silvery sweet light, glancing through the trees;the deep shadows; and, again, the bright spots where the moon shonethrough the openings. And timid though I was, I could not helprecalling Romeo and Juliet, thinking what a time this was for alove-tale, and regretting that there were no balconies at the Cedars.Then I paused, in the shade of one of the deepest trees, holding my handto my side to restrain the beating of my heart, as I listened for hisfootstep.
"I'll only stay with him one minute," I said to myself, "and then run inagain, like the wind."
A minute passed: no footstep. Two minutes, five, ten; and then I stoleto the end of the walk. But there was no one; and I began to tremblewith fear first, and then with excitement, and lastly with indignation;for it seemed to me that I was deceived.
"The poor fellow must have gone back in despair, believing that I shouldnot come. Ah! he does not know me," I muttered at last.
"Perhaps I am too soon," I thought a few minutes later, "and he may yetcome."
For I would not let the horrible feeling of disappointment get the upperhand. And then I crept closer to the wall, and waited, looking out froman opening between the trees at the moonlit house, and wondering whetherClara was yet awake.
All was still as possible. Not a sigh of the night wind, nor afootstep, nor even the rustle of a leaf; when all at once I nearlyscreamed, for there was a sharp cough just above my head. And as myheart began to beat more and more tumultously than ever, there was arustling in the ivy on the top of the wall, and a dark figure leaped tothe ground, where I should have fallen had it not caught me in its arms.
I shut my eyes, as I shivered, half in fear and half with pleasure; andthen I let my forehead rest upon my hands against his manly breast--foreven in those moments of bliss the big buttons on his coat hurt my nose.And thus we stood for some few moments, each waiting for the other tospeak; when he said, in a whisper,--"Better now?"
"Oh, yes," I replied; "but I must leave thee now. Achille, _a demain_."
"Eh?" he said, with a huskiness of tone which I attributed to emotion.
"I must leave thee now," I said. "How did you get out?" he whispered."By the side door," I said, trembling; for an undefined feeling of dreadwas creeping over me.
"Any chance of a taste of anything?" he whispered.
"Good heavens!" I ejaculated, opening my eyes to their widest extent,"who are you?"
And I should have turned and fled, but that he held me tightly by thewrist.
"Well, perhaps, it don't matter who I am, and never mind about mynumber," said the wretch. "I'm a pleeceman, that's what I am, countyconstabulary. Will that soot yer?"
<
br /> "Oh, pray release me!" I said, "oh, let me go!" I gasped; for Ithought he might not understand the first, these low men are soignorant. "Pray go to Monsieur de Tiraille, and he will reward you."
"That's him as I ketched atop of the wall, I suppose," said thecreature. "My, how he did cut when I showed him the bull's-eye!Thought it was a cracking case, my dear; but I'm up to a thing or two,and won't split. But I say, my dear, how's Ann? And so you took me forhim, did you? Well, I ain't surprised."
And then if the wretch didn't try to draw me nearer to him: but Istarted back, horrified.
"Well, just as you like, you know," exclaimed the ruffian. "But, I say,you'll let me drink your health, you know, won't you?"
"Oh, yes," I exclaimed, interpreting his speech into meaning "Give me ashilling," which I did, and he loosed my arm.
"That's right," he said. "I thought you were a good sort. Feel better,don't you?"
"Oh, yes," I exclaimed. "Please let me go now."
"Let you go," he said; "to be sure. I was just going to offer you myadvice, that you'd better step in before the old gal misses you. Hewon't come again to-night now, I scared him too much; so ta-ta, mydear--I won't spoil sport next time."
And then, almost before the wretch's words had left his lips, I fled,nor ceased running until I reached the side door, which I entered,closed, and fastened again; and then glided upstairs to my room, wherePatty still snored and Clara watched; but my acts seemed all mechanical,and I can only well recollect one, and that was my throwing myself uponher breast, and bursting into tears.
At last I was once more in bed, my heart still beating tumultuously; anddirectly after Clara crept in to my side, when it was of no use, I couldnot keep it in, for it did seem so kind and sympathising of her, thoughI believe it was only to satisfy her curiosity. So I had a thoroughgood cry in her arms, and told her of all the terrors of that dreadfulnight; when instead of, as I expected, trying to console me, the nastything had the heart to say,--
"Well, dear, it's all very fine; but I should not like to be you!"
CHAPTER NINE.
MEMORY THE NINTH--A GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
I suppose it comes natural to people to feel sleepy at night; for I didnot mention it before, but I had terribly hard work to keep awake onthat night when I had such a horrible adventure, while soon aftertelling that unfeeling Clara all about it I fell asleep, and they hadsuch a task to wake me when the bell rang. But I'm sure any one mighthave pitied my feelings upon that terrible morning. When I wasthoroughly awake it was just as if there was a weight upon my mind, andfor some time I could not make out what was the matter.
Then came, with a rush, the recollection of my adventure, so that Ifirst of all turned crimson with shame, and then as white as a dreadfulmarble statue. For somehow things do look so very different of a nightto what they do by broad daylight, and I do believe that, after all, oneof the greatest of missionary efforts would be a more general diffusionof gas and electric lights; for I'm sure if people are all made like me,we should not have been half so wicked if we had two suns instead of asun and a moon, and that last half her time making no shine at all. Ibelieve it's night that makes most people wicked; for fancy me going tomeet Achille under the elms in broad daylight! Why, the idea ispreposterous!
But oh! how bad, and wicked, and ashamed, and repentant, andconscience-smitten I did feel. It was dreadful only to think of it, formonths after. It seemed so horrible to me, how that I had rested myhead against the buttons of that shockingly low wretch of a policeman'scoat and not known the difference; while what Achille would have thoughthad he but known, I could not--nay I dare not--think.
Then there was that Clara looking at me with such a dreadful mockingsmile, that I felt as if I could have turned her into stone--for she wasoozing all over with triumph; and yet all the time I was so angry withmyself, for I knew that I was completely in her power, as well as inthat of the constable--a low wretch!--who might say anything, andperhaps tell the servants. And, by the way, who was Ann, that he hadasked me about?
"Why," I exclaimed, trembling, "it must be Sarah Ann, the housemaid; andI shall never dare to look her in the face again. Oh, Laura Bozerne," Isaid, "how you have lowered yourself!"
I had a quiet cry, and was a little better.
But I felt very guilty when I went down, and every time I was addressedI gave quite a start, and stared as if expecting that whoever spoke knewmy secret; while during lessons, when a message came from Mrs Bluntthat she wanted to see me in the study, I felt as if I should have gonethrough the floor; and on turning my eyes to Clara, expecting sympathy,there she was actually laughing at me.
"If this is being in love," I said to myself, "I mean very soon to beout of it again;" and then I stood trembling and hesitating, afraid tostir.
"Did you hear the lady principal's summons, Miss Bozerne?" said thatstarchy Miss Furness, in her most dignified style.
I turned round, and made her a most elaborate De Kittville obeisance,and I saw the old frump toss her head; for I know she always hated mebecause I happened to be nice-looking--mind, I don't say I wasnice-looking, for I am merely writing down now what people said who werefoolish enough to think so. Achille once said I was--but there, I willnot be vain.
So I crossed the hall, then to the study door, and stood with my handraised to take hold of the white china handle; but just then I heardMrs Blunt give one of her little short, sharp, pecking coughs, such asshe gave when muttering to herself to make up a scolding for some one.No sooner did I hear that cough than I dropped my hand down to my side,and stood hesitating upon the mat, afraid to enter; for who could helpfeeling a coward under such circumstances, I should like to know? Itwas very dreadful; and though I kept telling myself that I was not a bitafraid of Mrs Blunt, yet somehow I seemed to be just then. However, Ikept trying to make up my mind to bear it all, and to ask her pardon,and to promise that it should not occur again if she would not write tomamma; but my tiresome mind would not be made up, but kept running aboutfrom one thing to another, till I declare I almost felt ready to faint.
"Oh, Achille, Achille!" I murmured, "I must give you up. What I sufferfor your sake! _Oh, mon pauvre coeur_!"
I felt better after that, for it seemed that I was to return to my oldquiet state of suffering; and the determination not to run any morerisks began to nerve me to bear the present suffering; almost as much asthe rustle of the Fraulein's silk dress upon the stairs. And of courseI would not allow her to see me waiting at the door, and afraid to goin; so I tapped, and entered.
There sat the lady principal, writing a letter, and frowningdreadfully--though she always did that when there was a pen in her hand;and as she just looked up when I entered, she motioned me to a chairwith the feather end of the bead and silk adorned quill she held.
"Take a seat, Miss Bozerne," she muttered, between her patent minerals,as we used to call them; and there I was, sitting upon thorns,metaphorically and really--for the chair I took had the seat all workedin roses and briars and cactus, while there was that tiresome old thingwith the little glass dew-drop knobs at the end of the sprays in hercap, nodding and dancing about every time she came to a hard word.
"She is writing home, I know," I said to myself, "and then she means totake me back; for it must all be found out--and, oh dear! oh dear! whatshall I do?"
The scene there would be at home came up before me like a vision, and Ifancied I could hear papa storming, though he is not very particular,and his rage is soon over, just like a storm, and he is all sunshineafter. But mamma. Ah! how she would go on, and tell me that I had beensent down to cure me of my _penchant_ for the curate, to descend so lowas a policeman.
"Just like a common cook in an area!" I seemed to hear her say. But itwas only Mrs Blunt mumbling to herself as she sat writing.
And then I half felt as if I should like to run away altogether; andnext I thought that if some one had been there all ready with a fly or apost-chaise, I would have gone with him a
nywhere.
Directly after I gave such a jump, for there was the crunching of a stepupon the gravel sweep, and I felt the blood all flush up in my faceagain; for it was his step--his, and it seemed that he was to be broughtin, and we were to be confronted, and there would be quite a_denouement_; but then I felt as brave as could be, for was not he closeat hand to take my part? And I felt ready to say things that I couldnot have uttered, and to hear scoldings that would have killed me fiveminutes before.
I was just feeling ready to sink through the carpet when the old wretchraised her head.
"Ah! there's Monsieur Achille," she cried in a decisive tone, and now Ifelt as if it must be coming. But no, the tiresome old thing still keptme upon the thorns of suspense; while I heard the front door squeak andhis step in the hall, the opening and closing of a door, and I felt asif I could have rushed to meet him and tell him of the horrible state offear that I had been in; besides which, I knew that he would have a_corrected exercise_ to return me, and I was burning to see what hewould say.
"And now, Miss Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt, laying down her pen, andcrossing her hands upon the table, so as to show her rings, while shespoke in the most stately of ways--"and now Miss Bozerne, I have a crowto--er--er--I have, that is to say, a few words to speak to youconcerning something that has lately, very lately, come to my ears; andyou
As I stood on one of the landings, and backed away from the comingfigure, I felt the door of the little room where we hung our garden hatsand mantles give way behind me, when I backed slowly in, pushed the doorsoftly to, and then crept tremblingly into a corner, drawing a largeshawl before me, but not without knocking down a hat from one of thepegs, to fall with, oh! such a noise, seeing that it was only straw.There I stood, almost without breathing, hoping that I had not beenseen, and that the figure, whatever it was, would go by.
Every second seemed turned into a minute, and at last I began to revive;for I felt that, whatever the figure was, it had passed on; and I drew along breath of relief, thinking now that I must gain my own room at anycost, and the sooner the better, for of course any meeting was quiteimpossible. I was just going to sigh deeply for poor Achille, when Ifelt, as it were, frozen again; for the door began to glide slowly open,rustling softly over the carpet--for everything sounded so horriblydistinct--and there at last stood the tall white figure, while, as Ifelt ready to die, I heard my name pronounced, in a low whisper,twice,--
"Laura! Laura!"
For a moment or two I could not reply, when the call was repeated; and,irresistibly attracted, I went slowly forward from my hiding-place, tofeel myself caught by the arm by Clara, who had been watching me.
"You cruel, wicked girl!" I exclaimed in a whisper. "How could youfrighten me so?"
"Serve you right, too, you wicked, deceitful thing," she said. "Whycould you not trust me? But I don't care. I know. I can see throughyou. I know where you are going."
"That you do not," I said, boldly; for I felt cross now the fright wasover, and I could have boxed the tiresome creature's ears.
"You'd better not talk so loudly," she said with a sneer; "that is, ifyou do not want Lady Blunt to hear your voice."
"There," I said, spitefully, "I thought you did not know."
"Under the tall elms by the garden wall," whispered Clara, laughing, andtranslating one of the sentences in the very note I had in my breast;and then I remembered that I had left it for about a quarter of an hourin my morning-dress pocket, before I ran up after changing and fetchedit down; though I never should have thought she would have been sotreacherous as to read it. But there, she had me in her power, andhowever much I might have felt disposed to resent her conduct, I coulddo nothing then, so--
"Hush!" I said, imploringly. "Pray, do not tell, dear!"
"Ah," said the nasty, treacherous thing, "then you ought to have toldme, and trusted me with your secret. But did you think that I wasblind, Laura Bozerne, and couldn't see what was going on? And you neverto respond to my confidence, when I always trusted you from the veryfirst. I did think that we were friends."
"Oh, pray don't talk so," I exclaimed; "nor make so much noise, or weshall be heard." For it was not I who spoke loudly now.
"Well, and suppose we are," she said, coolly. "I can give a goodaccount of my conduct, I think, Miss Bozerne."
"Oh, pray don't talk like that, dear," I said--"pray, don't." And then,feeling that all dissimulation was quite useless, I cast off thereserve, and exclaimed, catching her by both hands--"Oh, do help me,there's a darling; for he has been waiting for two nights."
"Yes, I dare say he has," said the deceitful creature; "but I don't meanto be mixed up with such goings on."
A nasty thing!--when I found out afterwards that she had more than oncebeen guilty of the same trick; and all the while professing to haveplaced such confidence in me. If I had been free to act, I should haveboxed the odious thing's ears; but what could I do then, but crave andpray and promise, and beg of her to be my friend, till she said shewould, and forgave me, as she called it; and then I watched her goslowly upstairs till she was out of sight; for whatever she might do inthe future, she declared that she would not help me that night.
And there I stood, in a state of trembling indecision, not knowing whatto do--whether to go after her, or steal down to the side door; and atlast I did the latter, if only out of pure pity for poor Achille, andbegan slowly to unfasten the bolts.
The nasty things went so hard that I broke my nails over them, while Iturned all hot and damp in the face when the cross bar slipped from myfingers, and made such a bang that I felt sure it must have been heardupstairs. And there I stood listening and trembling, and expectingevery moment to hear a door open and the sound of voices. It was onlythe romantic excitement, or else sheer pity, which kept me from hurryingback to my own room, to bury my sorrows in my soft pillow.
I waited quite five minutes, and then tied my handkerchief over my hat,and raised the latch. The next moment I stood outside in the deepshadow, with the water-butt on my right and the wash-house door on myleft; and then, with beating heart, I glided from shrub to shrub, till Ireached the wall, beneath whose shadow I made my way to the path thatruns under the tall elms, where the wall was covered with ivy.
In spite of my fluttering heart, and the knowledge I possessed of how Iwas committing myself, I could not help noticing how truly beautifuleverything looked--the silvery sweet light, glancing through the trees;the deep shadows; and, again, the bright spots where the moon shonethrough the openings. And timid though I was, I could not helprecalling Romeo and Juliet, thinking what a time this was for alove-tale, and regretting that there were no balconies at the Cedars.Then I paused, in the shade of one of the deepest trees, holding my handto my side to restrain the beating of my heart, as I listened for hisfootstep.
"I'll only stay with him one minute," I said to myself, "and then run inagain, like the wind."
A minute passed: no footstep. Two minutes, five, ten; and then I stoleto the end of the walk. But there was no one; and I began to tremblewith fear first, and then with excitement, and lastly with indignation;for it seemed to me that I was deceived.
"The poor fellow must have gone back in despair, believing that I shouldnot come. Ah! he does not know me," I muttered at last.
"Perhaps I am too soon," I thought a few minutes later, "and he may yetcome."
For I would not let the horrible feeling of disappointment get the upperhand. And then I crept closer to the wall, and waited, looking out froman opening between the trees at the moonlit house, and wondering whetherClara was yet awake.
All was still as possible. Not a sigh of the night wind, nor afootstep, nor even the rustle of a leaf; when all at once I nearlyscreamed, for there was a sharp cough just above my head. And as myheart began to beat more and more tumultously than ever, there was arustling in the ivy on the top of the wall, and a dark figure leaped tothe ground, where I should have fallen had it not caught me in its arms.
I shut my eyes, as I shivered, half in fear and half with pleasure; andthen I let my forehead rest upon my hands against his manly breast--foreven in those moments of bliss the big buttons on his coat hurt my nose.And thus we stood for some few moments, each waiting for the other tospeak; when he said, in a whisper,--"Better now?"
"Oh, yes," I replied; "but I must leave thee now. Achille, _a demain_."
"Eh?" he said, with a huskiness of tone which I attributed to emotion.
"I must leave thee now," I said. "How did you get out?" he whispered."By the side door," I said, trembling; for an undefined feeling of dreadwas creeping over me.
"Any chance of a taste of anything?" he whispered.
"Good heavens!" I ejaculated, opening my eyes to their widest extent,"who are you?"
And I should have turned and fled, but that he held me tightly by thewrist.
"Well, perhaps, it don't matter who I am, and never mind about mynumber," said the wretch. "I'm a pleeceman, that's what I am, countyconstabulary. Will that soot yer?"
<
"That's him as I ketched atop of the wall, I suppose," said thecreature. "My, how he did cut when I showed him the bull's-eye!Thought it was a cracking case, my dear; but I'm up to a thing or two,and won't split. But I say, my dear, how's Ann? And so you took me forhim, did you? Well, I ain't surprised."
And then if the wretch didn't try to draw me nearer to him: but Istarted back, horrified.
"Well, just as you like, you know," exclaimed the ruffian. "But, I say,you'll let me drink your health, you know, won't you?"
"Oh, yes," I exclaimed, interpreting his speech into meaning "Give me ashilling," which I did, and he loosed my arm.
"That's right," he said. "I thought you were a good sort. Feel better,don't you?"
"Oh, yes," I exclaimed. "Please let me go now."
"Let you go," he said; "to be sure. I was just going to offer you myadvice, that you'd better step in before the old gal misses you. Hewon't come again to-night now, I scared him too much; so ta-ta, mydear--I won't spoil sport next time."
And then, almost before the wretch's words had left his lips, I fled,nor ceased running until I reached the side door, which I entered,closed, and fastened again; and then glided upstairs to my room, wherePatty still snored and Clara watched; but my acts seemed all mechanical,and I can only well recollect one, and that was my throwing myself uponher breast, and bursting into tears.
At last I was once more in bed, my heart still beating tumultuously; anddirectly after Clara crept in to my side, when it was of no use, I couldnot keep it in, for it did seem so kind and sympathising of her, thoughI believe it was only to satisfy her curiosity. So I had a thoroughgood cry in her arms, and told her of all the terrors of that dreadfulnight; when instead of, as I expected, trying to console me, the nastything had the heart to say,--
"Well, dear, it's all very fine; but I should not like to be you!"
CHAPTER NINE.
MEMORY THE NINTH--A GUILTY CONSCIENCE.
I suppose it comes natural to people to feel sleepy at night; for I didnot mention it before, but I had terribly hard work to keep awake onthat night when I had such a horrible adventure, while soon aftertelling that unfeeling Clara all about it I fell asleep, and they hadsuch a task to wake me when the bell rang. But I'm sure any one mighthave pitied my feelings upon that terrible morning. When I wasthoroughly awake it was just as if there was a weight upon my mind, andfor some time I could not make out what was the matter.
Then came, with a rush, the recollection of my adventure, so that Ifirst of all turned crimson with shame, and then as white as a dreadfulmarble statue. For somehow things do look so very different of a nightto what they do by broad daylight, and I do believe that, after all, oneof the greatest of missionary efforts would be a more general diffusionof gas and electric lights; for I'm sure if people are all made like me,we should not have been half so wicked if we had two suns instead of asun and a moon, and that last half her time making no shine at all. Ibelieve it's night that makes most people wicked; for fancy me going tomeet Achille under the elms in broad daylight! Why, the idea ispreposterous!
But oh! how bad, and wicked, and ashamed, and repentant, andconscience-smitten I did feel. It was dreadful only to think of it, formonths after. It seemed so horrible to me, how that I had rested myhead against the buttons of that shockingly low wretch of a policeman'scoat and not known the difference; while what Achille would have thoughthad he but known, I could not--nay I dare not--think.
Then there was that Clara looking at me with such a dreadful mockingsmile, that I felt as if I could have turned her into stone--for she wasoozing all over with triumph; and yet all the time I was so angry withmyself, for I knew that I was completely in her power, as well as inthat of the constable--a low wretch!--who might say anything, andperhaps tell the servants. And, by the way, who was Ann, that he hadasked me about?
"Why," I exclaimed, trembling, "it must be Sarah Ann, the housemaid; andI shall never dare to look her in the face again. Oh, Laura Bozerne," Isaid, "how you have lowered yourself!"
I had a quiet cry, and was a little better.
But I felt very guilty when I went down, and every time I was addressedI gave quite a start, and stared as if expecting that whoever spoke knewmy secret; while during lessons, when a message came from Mrs Bluntthat she wanted to see me in the study, I felt as if I should have gonethrough the floor; and on turning my eyes to Clara, expecting sympathy,there she was actually laughing at me.
"If this is being in love," I said to myself, "I mean very soon to beout of it again;" and then I stood trembling and hesitating, afraid tostir.
"Did you hear the lady principal's summons, Miss Bozerne?" said thatstarchy Miss Furness, in her most dignified style.
I turned round, and made her a most elaborate De Kittville obeisance,and I saw the old frump toss her head; for I know she always hated mebecause I happened to be nice-looking--mind, I don't say I wasnice-looking, for I am merely writing down now what people said who werefoolish enough to think so. Achille once said I was--but there, I willnot be vain.
So I crossed the hall, then to the study door, and stood with my handraised to take hold of the white china handle; but just then I heardMrs Blunt give one of her little short, sharp, pecking coughs, such asshe gave when muttering to herself to make up a scolding for some one.No sooner did I hear that cough than I dropped my hand down to my side,and stood hesitating upon the mat, afraid to enter; for who could helpfeeling a coward under such circumstances, I should like to know? Itwas very dreadful; and though I kept telling myself that I was not a bitafraid of Mrs Blunt, yet somehow I seemed to be just then. However, Ikept trying to make up my mind to bear it all, and to ask her pardon,and to promise that it should not occur again if she would not write tomamma; but my tiresome mind would not be made up, but kept running aboutfrom one thing to another, till I declare I almost felt ready to faint.
"Oh, Achille, Achille!" I murmured, "I must give you up. What I sufferfor your sake! _Oh, mon pauvre coeur_!"
I felt better after that, for it seemed that I was to return to my oldquiet state of suffering; and the determination not to run any morerisks began to nerve me to bear the present suffering; almost as much asthe rustle of the Fraulein's silk dress upon the stairs. And of courseI would not allow her to see me waiting at the door, and afraid to goin; so I tapped, and entered.
There sat the lady principal, writing a letter, and frowningdreadfully--though she always did that when there was a pen in her hand;and as she just looked up when I entered, she motioned me to a chairwith the feather end of the bead and silk adorned quill she held.
"Take a seat, Miss Bozerne," she muttered, between her patent minerals,as we used to call them; and there I was, sitting upon thorns,metaphorically and really--for the chair I took had the seat all workedin roses and briars and cactus, while there was that tiresome old thingwith the little glass dew-drop knobs at the end of the sprays in hercap, nodding and dancing about every time she came to a hard word.
"She is writing home, I know," I said to myself, "and then she means totake me back; for it must all be found out--and, oh dear! oh dear! whatshall I do?"
The scene there would be at home came up before me like a vision, and Ifancied I could hear papa storming, though he is not very particular,and his rage is soon over, just like a storm, and he is all sunshineafter. But mamma. Ah! how she would go on, and tell me that I had beensent down to cure me of my _penchant_ for the curate, to descend so lowas a policeman.
"Just like a common cook in an area!" I seemed to hear her say. But itwas only Mrs Blunt mumbling to herself as she sat writing.
And then I half felt as if I should like to run away altogether; andnext I thought that if some one had been there all ready with a fly or apost-chaise, I would have gone with him a
Directly after I gave such a jump, for there was the crunching of a stepupon the gravel sweep, and I felt the blood all flush up in my faceagain; for it was his step--his, and it seemed that he was to be broughtin, and we were to be confronted, and there would be quite a_denouement_; but then I felt as brave as could be, for was not he closeat hand to take my part? And I felt ready to say things that I couldnot have uttered, and to hear scoldings that would have killed me fiveminutes before.
I was just feeling ready to sink through the carpet when the old wretchraised her head.
"Ah! there's Monsieur Achille," she cried in a decisive tone, and now Ifelt as if it must be coming. But no, the tiresome old thing still keptme upon the thorns of suspense; while I heard the front door squeak andhis step in the hall, the opening and closing of a door, and I felt asif I could have rushed to meet him and tell him of the horrible state offear that I had been in; besides which, I knew that he would have a_corrected exercise_ to return me, and I was burning to see what hewould say.
"And now, Miss Bozerne," said Mrs Blunt, laying down her pen, andcrossing her hands upon the table, so as to show her rings, while shespoke in the most stately of ways--"and now Miss Bozerne, I have a crowto--er--er--I have, that is to say, a few words to speak to youconcerning something that has lately, very lately, come to my ears; andyou