A Measure of Disorder by Alan Tucker
Sara asked, “Do you think that’s what’s happening to Jenni?”
Crank looked Jenni over. “I still don’t see any change in her at all, unlike all the others. The only thing we can be certain of at this point is she isn’t festri’i or the guardians would not have let her pass.”
Jenni breathed a small sigh of relief — she didn’t like the thought of burning alive. Then she had another thought. “How did we pass? Last I heard they’d said ‘no’.”
“Once Marco’s mother separated herself from the group, I asked again, and our passage was granted.” Crank smiled. “You were too busy dodging spears to hear me I guess.”
The girls laughed softly, then Jenni said, “That was all Sara’s doing … you were amazing, girlfriend!”
Sara blushed, which made an interesting color on her coppery skin, then she frowned. “I couldn’t stop all of them though.”
Jenni closed her eyes and thought about Charles. In her mind, she watched again as he fell helplessly into the river, just out of her reach. She shuddered. “It was my fault. I didn’t grab him in time.”
Crank put a hand on each of their shoulders. “No blame is to be had for either of you. While we certainly grieve for those we’ve lost, what happens, happens because it is Mother’s will.”
Jenni put her hand over Crank’s. “Thank you, Crank, but I don’t think that’s true. I want to believe I’m still in control of my life; that my decisions matter.”
Crank nodded. “You are and they do. What I believe, is things that happen out of our control, happen for a reason. Even if we can’t always understand what that reason might be.”
“But —”
Crank held up a hand. “Just hear me out.” He turned to Sara. “Do you think you could have moved or reacted any faster than you did to stop all of those spears?”
Sara thought about it. “No,” she said, “I honestly don’t know how I stopped the ones I did.”
“And, Jenni,” Crank said, turning back to her, “do you believe you could have moved any quicker to keep Charles from falling, and —” he held up a finger to keep her from responding, “even if you had, that we could have saved him from so serious an injury? Our supplies and healing knowledge are very limited.”
Jenni sighed and had to admit he was right, even though it pained her. “I guess … but I still feel bad, like it was my fault.”
“I understand. I grieve for him also. But I ask you, please do not blame yourself for his passing.”
Jenni nodded and the three fell silent, lost in their own thoughts, listening to the sounds of the forest.
Later, Sara asked, “Who was Brandon talking about? The person he said was helping him: Mog-something.”
“Mogritas.” Crank spat on the ground. “He is an enemy of Mother.”
“How did Brandon find him?” Jenni asked. “He was only away from us for a few days.”
Crank considered. “I’ve heard it said Mogritas can enter one’s dreams. Perhaps that was it. He is very powerful.”
“Powerful and bad,” Sara said.
“Yes,” Crank agreed. “He is the darkness to Mother’s light.”
Jenni shivered. “And now Brandon and the others are going to join with him.”
“It appears so.”
“And Brandon’s a dragon,” Sara added.
Crank sighed. “Yes. Again, I didn’t see because there have been no dragons for hundreds of years. They are mostly stuff of stories and legends now.” He chuckled, trying to relieve some tension. “You and your friends are certainly making things interesting around here,” he said, grinning at Jenni and Sara.
They smiled back at him and Jenni offered, “Well, you were off looking for adventure when you saw us … I’d say you found it!”
“Be careful what you wish for …” Sara added.
They shared a laugh and later walked back to where the others were resting.
* * * *
That evening, the group sat together to discuss their situation. Ms. Pap’s eyes seemed brighter and livelier somehow, even as her skin appeared more gray and inflexible.
They were certainly a strange looking bunch, Jenni decided, glancing around the circle at her friends and classmates. Only about half of them were still human-sized, and many of those would not have passed for human except on Halloween.
Nate, Ethan, and Rachael were only about a foot tall and all three of them had sprouted tiny, clear wings from their backs. Crank had told them about a type of Faerstrastenai that were extremely small, but could fly on their own.
Tori, who was now about six inches tall, and Faith, were becoming the Faerstrastenai they had encountered a few times already. Faith was larger, maybe ten inches, and had a slightly green cast to her skin and hair. She was not handling her transformation well, unlike Tori, who, after finding Merlin, had embraced it wholeheartedly.
Denny was the last of the “little people” and was only a few inches taller than Crank. Denny was not happy with his new stature — he played lots of sports when he wasn’t working on go-karts and such things. Jenni hoped he could find something to take his mind off it when they got to the city.
Bonnie and Matt were blue and brown versions of themselves, respectively. Bonnie was always thirsty and spent more and more time near the river. Matt, on the other hand, attracted dirt and dust much like Pigpen from the Charlie Brown cartoons. He wasn’t offensive to be around, just, well, dirty.
Carrie and Marco sat next to each other, holding hands. Carrie had lost weight and looked quite elegant to Jenni’s eye. Marco’s large, normally expressive eyes still held a blank stare much of the time, but Carrie’s presence seemed to be helping him.
Sara and Crank sat next to Jenni, completing the circle. Jenni already thought of Crank as one of her best friends, even though she had known him for a short time.
Ms. Pap lightly cleared her throat and began, “So much has changed for all of us, with still more to come I fear. I wanted all of you to know, first off, how proud I am of what you have accomplished since we began this strange journey, hiking around a lake, looking for plant samples.” She smiled and a couple of them chuckled.
Then she sighed and continued, “We’ve all suffered losses, some more than others.” She glanced at Marco beside her and placed a gnarled hand on his shoulder. “And, I’m sad to say, those losses aren’t over.”
They all looked at Ms. Pap questioningly. “What do you mean?” Jenni asked in the silence.
“Ever since we came within sight of this forest, I’ve been hearing … whispers, for lack of a better word.” She paused. “I think I know what I’m turning into and I won’t be able to continue on with you much longer.”
Jenni heard several gasps of surprise around the circle. Next to her, Crank was nodding slowly.
“You will be part of Lodir’naie,” Crank said.
Ms. Pap nodded. “Yes. I believe the voices I’m hearing are from the forest and I’ll join it soon.”
Many started talking at once.
“Wait,” Jenni said in the clamor. “You think you’re turning into a tree? That’s crazy!”
Ms. Pap held up her hand and waited until they had quieted down. “Why, Jenni?” she asked. “Why is that any crazier than what we’ve already experienced here?”
Jenni started to protest again, but Crank put a hand on her arm. “Jenni,” he said calmly, “she isn’t just turning into a tree, she is becoming part of Lodir’naie. The word, Lodir’naie, in our ancient language means ‘Mother’s mind’. This forest is much more than just a collection of trees. It has a consciousness, a will of its own.”
They took some time to get used to that idea. A thinking forest.
Marco, surprisingly, was the first to speak. “You’re okay with this, Ms. Pap,” he said not as a question, but a statement of fact.
“Yes,” she answered him. “I am sad to be leaving you all, but I know in my heart you will thrive and prosper as you are meant to, in your own ways.” She looked up and
They fell silent. Jenni went to embrace her teacher in a fierce hug. The rest of them joined in and they sat, holding each other, as darkness descended on the forest.
* * * *
The next morning, they woke to find a tree about ten feet in height, in the middle of their camp. The remnants of Ms. Pap’s clothes were strewn about its base. Jenni shed a few tears and gave the tree one last hug.
Each of them spent a moment to say goodbye in their own way. Faith was one of the last to approach. She reached up and touched the bark with her tiny hand and a look of surprise flashed across her face. It soon turned to a smile.
“Guys!” Faith exclaimed. “I can hear her!”
Everyone crowded around.
“It’s hard to make out.” Faith closed her eyes and concentrated. “Like a whole room full of people all talking at once. But I can pick out Ms. Pap’s voice in there.” Faith paused, listening. “She says again how proud she is of us … and to listen to Crank’s advice.”
Jenni saw Crank color at the mention of his name.
Faith continued, “She wants us to know she’s happy and we should follow our hearts.” She shook her head. “It’s all too jumbled, I can’t pick out anything else,” she said sadly.
They broke up to collect their things. They picked up Ms. Pap’s backpack and the scraps of cloth, not wanting anything to go to waste.
They were ready to head out when Merlin flew in and landed next to Tori. She grunted in disgust and pointed her tiny arm at the river.
“Go take a bath, Merlin, you’re filthy!”
The falcon chirped at her and dutifully hopped toward the water.
Everyone laughed and walked east, heading deeper into the forest.
17
It was strange traveling without any adults around. They didn’t do anything different from before, but it felt different. The thought would occur to Jenni sometimes, as they picked their way through the trees, that they were completely on their own. She would feel her blood rush, and everything around her seemed more alive. Excitement would force a grin on her face. They could do anything they wanted, but they had a purpose. It was all very grown up.
One afternoon, three days after leaving Ms. Pap, they found a large sand bar near the bank of the river. The sand was warm and soft and felt wonderful to lie on, so they decided to stop early and make their camp. After more than two weeks of sleeping on hard ground, with rocks and twigs interrupting their sleep, the thought of a bed of smooth sand sounded heavenly.
They collected nuts and Tolenton’naie — their usual fare for dinner. Then Jenni and most of the others spent the afternoon lounging on the sand, soaking up the sunshine.
The day before Merlin had decided Tori was small enough to be carried, so they had started flying lessons of a sort. Jenni watched the two of them pass by, and one of them made a loud squeak — either Tori because she was losing her balance, or Merlin because Tori had pulled too hard on his neck feathers — it was impossible to tell which. Tori was having the time of her life. Jenni wasn’t so sure about Merlin, but he was a patient teacher and the two had been inseparable.
They relaxed and did their best to forget their losses and difficulties. They hadn’t seen the need to post watches as they felt protected in the forest. Crank had pointed out one or two Faerstrastenai guardians were always nearby. Jenni figured the guardians were there to make sure she and her friends behaved as much as to offer protection, but the result was the same. They felt safe.
* * * *
After the best night of sleep she had experienced, morning acquainted Jenni with the drawback of sleeping on fine sand: it got everywhere.
Even so, it had been worth the trouble as she felt more rested and vigorous than she had since their arrival.
Everyone worked to shake out their clothing, until a shout from Denny grabbed their attention. Jenni and Sara ran to the other end of the sand bar to see what the trouble was.
Denny stood over a shirt and pants laid out neatly in the sand. Jenni realized they were Matt’s. Matt himself was nowhere to be found.
They spent several minutes shouting his name into the forest with no response.
Perplexed, Jenni bent down to retrieve Matt’s clothing. She shook out the shirt and jeans and was folding them up when she noticed movement at her feet. Startled, she jumped back and looked closer at the sand. It shifted and moved, like something was sliding just under the surface, but nothing showed itself.
“Hey guys,” Jenni called out. “Come look at this!”
The others rushed back to her and also watched the sand.
The movement stopped briefly, then began again, only instead of swirling around, the sand came together and formed a growing mound. They backed away a step or two and it continued to get bigger, passing three feet at the base and a foot and a half high.
Crank looked thoughtfully at the mound and said, “Taebri’i.” The mound stopped growing and tried forming different shapes.
“What is it, Crank?” Jenni asked him.
“Earth spirit,” he replied. “I think Matt completed his transformation and became a taebri’i, an earth spirit.”
They all stared in fascination as the sand kept trying to make a coherent shape, but fell in on itself every few seconds.
Sara asked, “What’s he doing then?”
“Probably learning about his new abilities. I suspect it’s not something he would know how to do right away, much like Tori has to practice riding Merlin.”
Denny picked up Matt’s pack, which was still laying nearby, and began passing out items to the group to carry. Once it was empty, he knelt down by the mound and held the pack open. After a moment’s hesitation, the sand started pouring into the pack. Denny looked up and laughed. “Amazing!”
“Who’s going to carry it?” Marco asked. “And how can we fit a ‘Matt’ amount of sand in his pack?”
The pack filled about half way, then the sand stopped flowing. Denny shrugged and zipped it up. Sara sighed and handed one of the smaller bags she had been carrying to Jenni. Sara then hoisted Matt’s pack of sand onto one shoulder. “It’s not bad,” she announced. “Ten pounds maybe.”
Jenni shook her head. So, now one of our friends is a bag of sand. What’s next?
Everyone packed up and they set off again. Clouds were rolling in from the west and it looked like they’d see rain later in the day.
* * * *
The rain materialized, but only in short spatters and didn’t hinder their progress. That evening, after they’d eaten, they sat under a monstrous tree and let its leaves protect them from the sporadic rain showers.
Sara set Matt’s pack down and opened the top. She shrugged when Jenni looked at her questioningly. “In case he wants to ‘stretch his legs’ — I don’t know!”
Jenni turned to Crank and asked what was on all their minds. “Do you think it’s still … well, Matt?”
“I really don’t know much about elemental spirits,” he answered. “There seems to be some form of intelligence that drives them, but do they have personality? I have no idea.”
Jenni glanced in the bag. “Is he even still in there?”
The sand in the bag shifted and a finger sized column climbed over the top, then fell back down inside.
“Well, I guess that answers that question!” Sara laughed.
Jenni giggled. “Okay, Matt, you made your point.”
She and the others settled down with their music, video games and other distractions and made ready to sleep.
The rain increased as the night wore on. By morning, they were soaked through, even under the cover of the trees. Water filtered down through the branch
Jenni took some of their water bottles to the river to refill them while the others packed up. Out from under the trees, the rain was steady. It chilled her, but summer was approaching and she knew it would warm up quickly in spite of the cloud cover. The birds and other creatures that usually made the forest a riot of sound were all quiet, waiting out the rain.
Jenni was filling the last bottle when she looked up and saw a figure in the water a few feet away.
She squeaked and fell back on the bank, dropping the bottle in the river. Composing herself, she realized the figure wasn’t in the water, but rather was water. The river itself had risen up into a roughly human shape, about four feet tall, and stood — if water could stand — regarding her passively.
The bottle Jenni had dropped drifted near it. Part of the form reached out to corral the bottle and hold it. Then it slowly moved forward and presented the bottle to Jenni.
Wide-eyed, Jenni took the bottle from the watery apparition. There were no facial features, just the shape of a head and shoulders that flowed into a torso and down into the river. It was in constant motion, like the river itself, but the form kept relatively steady.
Sara, Bonnie and several others came running from camp.
“What’s going on, Jenni?” Sara asked hurriedly. “We heard you and —” Sara saw the object of Jenni’s attention and stared.
“I think it’s okay,” Jenni said, still watching the form in front of her.
“What is it?” Sara asked.
Bonnie gasped. “It’s Charles.”
“What?” Jenni asked, startled. “How do you know?”
“He’s … talking to me. I mean, I can hear him, faintly, in my head. It’s him.”
Jenni thought back again to their battle outside the forest. “But he got hit with a spear and fell in the river. How can this be him?”
“He is undei’i.” Crank had joined them as well. “Like Matt and Marco’s mother, but Charles has become a water spirit.” He turned to Bonnie and said, “I think you will be also, Bonnie. That’s why he can speak with you.”
“Yeah, Charles is kinda explaining that to me too,” she said, her voice a little shaky.