Aberrant (short) by Jo-Anne Sieppert
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5
Perfect, me?
The three of us started towards the mall, the voice inside my head was screaming at me that this was a bad idea, that I shouldn't trust them. But they seemed sincere, maybe it was me being desperate for a friend, maybe it was because of what had happened with Jack, but whatever the reason, I was going with them to the mall, it couldn't hurt, it was just the mall. There would be other people there, it wasn't like I was going alone to their house or a dark alley somewhere.
Our mall was the best thing our town had, it brought in the teenagers from the neighbouring towns, as it was the closest one for miles. There was even a food court, and one or two designer clothing stores. It probably wasn't anywhere near as great as the malls in the cities, but for our small town it more than worked. I knew there would be no way to get out of the shopping trip with my mom tomorrow, so I would have to endure the mall twice in one weekend, that so far was my yearly limit.
“I really do love your hair today Delilah. You should wear it like that more often,” Avery said. I wondered what my mom would say to doing it every morning. Something told me I would be lucky if she lasted a week.
“My mom did it, I couldn't because of my arm,” I replied shaking my cast at her.
“Oh right,” she said, staring at the ground. She looked like she felt guilty. I was thrilled.
“So what was it that Jess said you had to worry about?” I asked changing the subject. I was beginning to feel guilty to, just looking at Avery.
“Jess thought, nah, it’s silly.”
“Well, now I'm curious.”
Katie looked around, as if checking that no one was listening. “Jess thought that you liked Sebastian, and that I needed to worry because he might like you too.” My heart leapt into my throat. I just stood there.
“But she was obviously wrong. You have a good guy-friend right?”
“Yeah, she was wrong. I don't like Sebastian,” I lied, “not in that way I mean. And don't worry, he doesn't like me at all, in any way.” That part was true.
“I know he likes you as a friend, he talks about you a bit. That's why Jess thinks he likes you. But I don't care if he likes you as a friend. Besides, I'm not worried,” she added smiling.
He talked about me? Why would he talk about me? I did my best to act nonchalant, I didn’t want them to get suspicious, but inside I was jumping up and down like a giddy school girl.
“So, are you and Sebastian an item?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Katie smiled, but it never touched her eyes.
“Not yet, but I think he will ask me soon. I really hope so at least.” I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I was well aware of the fact that the odds of Sebastian asking me to be his girlfriend were nothing anyone would bet on, unless they planned on losing the farm. But I had a little hope, in my dreams at least.
“So what about your guy friend, what is he like?” Avery asked, snapping both Katie and myself out of our daydreams.
“Well, he’s mysterious, I guess.” And he was, so mysterious I hadn't even seen him yet. That was not something I was going to tell anyone about.
“What do you mean?” Katie asked as we walked into one of the stores.
“Well, doesn't like to talk about himself too much, he's shy I guess.” I was regretting ever mentioning anything at all about Jack.
“Is that why you went to the island Delilah? Were you meeting him there?” How did she know? Had they been on the island while I was there with Jack? Or was it Jack after all? I wanted to slap them both right there, slap them and run away. But not to the island. I was never going back there to Jack the betrayer, and if he had a problem with that, he would have to come out of the bushes and tell me himself.
“Look, I'm sure you already knew it was us who took your bike from the docks, and we are sorry, very sorry Delilah, for everything.” Katie said.
“That's how you knew I had been to the island?”
“Well yeah. How else would we find out? But I assure you I won't listen to Jess any more. I mean it, and I will make it up to you.” What a predicament I was in. Should I believe her? She was awfully convincing. And her story meant Jack had nothing to do with it, he was who he said he was: not a Perfect! My thoughts were cut short as Jess stormed up to Katie, glaring at me the whole time.
“What is she doing here?” Jess snapped.
“I told you Jess, I am done, I am not torturing Delilah anymore. You were wrong, and because of that, Delilah almost got killed.”
“Aww poor baby, Delilah broke her arm, big deal.”
“Delilah didn't break her arm Jess, I broke it for her, and it was all because of you and your lies. Well no more.” Katie looked furious; there was no way she was pretending. It had been Jess all along; she was the cause of all my misery. I felt relieved, especially because Katie, head Perfect, was there defending me, defending me against her own friend. Another reason my broken arm was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.
“So what are you saying then Katie? We can’t be friends any more?”
“If you can’t be nice to my new friend Delilah,” my head whipped around at the word friend being in the same sentence as my name, “then yes Jess, that’s exactly what I am saying.” Jess turned to Avery to see if she felt the same way.
“Sorry Jess, I’m with Katie on this one. You went way too far.” I did my best not to smile. I felt strange, but in a fantastic way. I wanted to run to the island and tell Jack everything. But then I remembered, Jack. I had messed up and betrayed his trust. I would make it better, I promised myself, I would go out to the island every day and beg him to forgive me.
“Fine. If that’s the way it has to be, we are no longer friends! I won’t be friends with you as long as you are friends with Delilah,” Jess snapped. Katie turned to Avery, and then to me. I held my breath in anticipation.
“Fine, then we are no longer friends,” Katie replied.
“Same here,” Avery added. I felt guilty. The three of them had been friends for a long time, and now they weren’t and it was all my fault.
“Come on Delilah, let’s go.” Katie said pulling on my arm, and the three of us walked away.
“I will get you for this Delilah!” Jess shouted after me. I turned around to see her glaring as if to kill me with her eyes. I could see how she manipulated Katie and Avery. Jess was a psycho.
“Should I be worried?” I asked.
“No. We won’t let her do anything to you, promise” Katie said. Things were finally turning around, it was all so surreal.
“Besides, Katie is the most popular one, she controls who is in and who is out. Right Katie?” Katie shot Avery a look, I didn’t understand. She must have been embarrassed.
“Well, I can’t help but feel bad. I don’t want to come between friends.”
“Don’t be silly. Like we said, she could have stayed our friend if she would have been your friend too. She made the call.” Katie was right, I had nothing to worry about.
For the first time ever, I had a great time at the mall. I bought a couple of new pairs of jeans, ‘low riders’ at that. They were the cool jeans. Katie and Avery bought more clothes each than I had in my whole closet. But I was happy to say goodbye at the end of the night, I could really only handle so much shopping. I still had to go the next day with my mom.
When I got home I was quite surprised to see my parents home already, it was only eight o’clock on a Saturday night: it was early still.
“Hey, I’m home.” I tried to sound innocent, I was worried I would be in trouble; I hadn’t left a note or anything.
“Where have you been Delilah?” Yep, trouble. I could hear it in my mom’s voice.
“Shopping,” I replied.
“Pardon?”
“I was at the mall with Katie and Avery, I’m sorry I didn’t leave a note. It was a last minute invite, I kind of forgot.” My mom came rushing into the kitchen; I braced myself for the worst.
“Shopping, you? With other girls?”
“Yep. But don’t worry, I know we are going together tomorrow. I didn’t spend all my money, I saved some for us.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to do that, I would have given you more tomorrow.” I looked closely at my mom, this was not the reaction I was expecting at all, she was supposed to be mad, but instead she looked excited.
“Well, let’s have a look,” Mom said, pointing towards my bags. I started pulling out a pair of the jeans but she shook her head.
“Delilah please, go put them on so I can see, don’t just wave them at me like that.” I humoured her, a small price to pay if it meant I wasn’t going to be grounded. I went to my room and my mom followed right behind me, making me feel awkward. She sat on my bed while I slipped into my closet and tried on the first pair, I was impressed at how good I was getting at dressing myself with my cast on.
“They look great. They fit you and everything. They must actually be girl’s jeans too!” Mom didn’t like that I wore boy’s jeans. I thought they were comfy, and didn’t really care all that much about fashion anyway.
“Yep, they are girl’s. Katie and Avery helped me pick them out.”
“Those girls have good taste,” Mom said, waving me back into my closet to try on the next pair. She was just as happy with that pair as the last, and the final pair she really loved. She didn’t even care that they cost a month’s clothing allowance. She must have known I had enough clothing money in my drawer to purchase my first car. A car that was now going to be older than I first imagined, especially if this kept up. Not that one really needed a car in Echo, you could walk anywhere you wanted to go. The car was to leave Echo, returning being optional.
“They are great, Delilah. If you would rather go shopping with your friends tomorrow that’s okay.” I knew what my mom was up to, and I wasn’t going to let her off. Although I was not sure why it suddenly mattered.
“No Mom, it’s fine. I want to go with you. It’s your right as a mom remember?” I teased laying the guilt on thick.
“Well the thing is, I now have to go in to work tomorrow. Something came up that can’t wait.” This was great, now I could go to the island tomorrow.
“Well, what about next weekend?” I asked her. My mom smiled; it felt good to make her happy.
“I will schedule you in. You’re sure you don’t mind waiting?”
“I don’t mind, I promise. Work is important. I do understand that.” She smiled again. I knew all the right buttons to push.
“Hey Mom, do you think you would have time to do my hair again Monday morning?”
“I will make time Delilah. I’m just glad you are finally beginning to see how important it is to look good. You looked good today and then you had friends to go shopping with. See how it works?” I just smiled and nodded as she left the room. I was sure it was just a coincidence, but I let her believe what she liked.
I headed to the island early the next morning. I didn’t want to risk the chance of being seen by Katie, Avery or even worse, Jess. I wasn’t going to share Jack or the island with anyone, friend or no friend.
“Jack, if you’re here, I’m sorry, really, really sorry. I didn’t see you, if that makes anything better.” I called out. I didn’t expect him to be there that early, it wasn’t like he lived on the island. There was no reply so I took out my book and started to read. Reading always made my eyes heavy, I closed them for a minute or two, laying back on the rocks, and letting the cool breeze blow over my body. The ground was damp, but I didn’t mind. The cold helped keep me from falling asleep. It was so quiet, the lake was still, and the breeze didn’t seem to stir the trees at all. Laying there, in the deafening silence, I imagined the entire town was dead, (they could have been from the lack of noise.) I imagined that Jack and I were the only two left alive, and he could now show himself to me because now he had nothing to fear at all. Would I really be willing to pay a price such as that, for Jack? I already knew my answer, wrong as it may be.
“Jack, I’m sorry,” I called out again. I had never felt so lonely before, and I knew lonely quite well. The thought of Jack being gone, really gone, was enough to kill. Was there life without Jack? I couldn’t remember it; I didn’t want to remember it.
“Delilah, please don’t cry,” Jack called from the bushes. I hadn’t even realized that I was crying. I wiped my eyes, ashamed of my tears.
“I will cry if you are gone Jack,” I said.
“Don’t cry over me Delilah, believe me, I’m not worth it.” What was he saying? I couldn’t think of anyone better to cry over.
“I’m really sorry Jack. You have to believe me!”
“I know.” I was relieved a little. But there was something in his voice that seemed wrong.
“So are we still friends Jack?” I didn’t want to push my luck.
“Friends? If you want to be friends Delilah...” What was wrong with him? It pained me to hear his voice so broken.
“Of course I still want to be friends Jack.” I didn’t want to be just friends. I wanted to be more than friends, but how could we be if he wouldn’t let me see is face?
“Then we are still friends. What did you do yesterday Delilah?” he asked from the bushes. I knew I would have to regain his trust before he would sit with me again.
“You will never guess what I did Jack, or who I did it with!” I was thrilled I was finally able to tell Jack about my new friends.
“Well you sound excited, and I’m sure you are right, I will never be able to guess.”
“I went shopping, with Katie and Avery, you know the Perfects! Can you believe it?”
“No I can’t.” was all he said. I was disappointed, I had expected more than that.
“They explained everything to me. Jess had made them believe that I was a threat to Katie because of Sebastian. They apologized for being so mean to me and for what happened on the ropes. They even told Jess that if she couldn’t be nice to me then she couldn’t be their friend. They picked me over her Jack.” Even now as I said it out loud, I still couldn’t believe it myself.
“Just be careful Delilah. What if they are just tricking you?” I was furious, I couldn't believe he would even say that.
“Jack, they are not tricking me. I told you, they explained everything. They gave up their friend for me.”
“That could have been an act Delilah.”
“They wouldn’t have gone to so much trouble if they were just trying to be mean to me.”
“Maybe they were afraid you would get them in trouble for hurting you?” Why was he doing this? I wondered. Wasn’t he happy for me? Did he not want me to have friends?
“They would have just lied to the teachers, they would believe them over me anyway.”
“I just think you need to be careful, that’s all I’m saying.” He was ruining this for me. I was happy I had new friends, and I wanted Jack to be happy for me. But why would Jack be happy I had new friends? It could mean I wouldn’t be coming to the island so much, and that he wouldn’t be my only friend anymore. Why hadn’t I thought about that, he was probably jealous.
“Jack you don’t have to worry, I will still come here all the time. I can see my other friends at school. I don’t need to see them after school or on the weekends.”
“I’m not worried about that Delilah, if you have better things to do than come to the island, that’s great. You should hang out with other people. I just don’t want to see you get hurt that's all, and believe me, you will.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, I was hurt that he would be so cruel. Didn’t he care at all if he never saw me again? Had he been using me, to pass the time?
“Delilah they are not your friends. This won’t end well for you.”
“You think they couldn’t be my friends because I’m not what, cool enough for them?”
“Well no, you’re not.” I jumped to my feet. That was the last straw, I didn’t have to take this from him. All the thing
“Delilah, can’t you see what’s happening?”
“Oh yes Jack, I can see perfectly what’s happening. You are jealous! You are trying to ruin this for me because you are afraid I won’t come back here for you to use me anymore.”
“Don’t be stupid Delilah, I don’t care if I don’t ever see you again-”
“Well then you will know how I feel Jack!” I got in my boat and rowed as fast as I could back to shore. Jack made it perfectly clear he didn't care about me, so why should I bother with him anymore? I was hurt and angry, I swore never to go back to the island again.
My mom did as she promised Monday morning; she stayed home and did my hair for me. She helped me pick out a shirt to wear with my new jeans. I didn’t even know I owned a pink shirt, but trust my mom to find one in my closet.
“You look like a completely different girl Delilah. You look, perfect!” The word sent a whole new kind of shiver down my spine. To think, Perfect me? I had even allowed my mom to put a little make-up on me. She was right, I didn’t even look like me at all. If only Jack could see me now, I thought spitefully.
I was more nervous than I thought I would be when I got to the bus stop. What would people think of my new look? I soon as the thought entered my mind a flood of doubt followed. Why did I wear this? Why had I let my mom dress me up like a doll? I wanted to go home quickly and change but I knew I didn’t have time.
When the bus arrived I walked on with my head down as usual. I went straight for my seat at the front, until I heard Katie yell, “Delilah, we saved you a seat back here.” I looked up and smiled, took a deep breath and walked towards the back of the bus. Everyone’s eyes were on me, it was unnerving. I felt like I was on display at the zoo or something. Me, Delilah Martin, sitting at the back of the bus with the Perfects. I tried not to look at Jess who was sitting in the very same seat I had been taped too.
“Wow Delilah, you look amazing!” Katie said, loudly enough that most of the bus turned to look. I felt my face go red and sat down quickly.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“I bet your guy friend loves your new jeans hey?” Avery asked. I was stumped, do I tell them we are no longer friends? If I did would that make Katie worried about Sebastian again?
“He didn’t notice.” It was the truth, Jack hadn’t commented on my jeans, he was too busy being a jerk.
“That’s boys for ya, we put all this work into looking good and they don’t even notice.” We all laughed. I felt happy, confident, Perfect!
When I walked into school with Katie and Avery, people turned their heads, some whispered, and some even stared. It was really quite bizarre. It seemed as though I was the new girl in school and they all had to catch a glimpse of me. Had they forgotten who I was? I had only been off for a few days. Or were they remembering the last time they saw me, hanging half naked from the rope in gym class? I had almost forgotten that I hadn't been back since then. I noticed that nobody called me any mean names, nobody laughed or snickered as I walked past. Were they all sent a memo or something? Or was it simply the fact that I was walking with Katie and Avery that made me off limits? Either way, I liked it.
“Delilah, wow, look at you.” It was, Sebastian. I wasn’t ready to face him yet. I was far too embarrassed and nervous I might do something to make Katie rethink being my friend.
“Doesn’t she look great Sebastian? We took her shopping this weekend.” Katie said proudly.
“That’s really nice of you Katie.”
“I told you, I’ve changed. I apologized for everything, Delilah and I are friends now.” Sebastian looked at Katie suspiciously then he looked to me. I saw my chance to show Katie she didn’t need to worry.
“Katie and I had our troubles, but when she tried to help me as I passed out on the ropes, well it made up for everything else. She kind of saved my life. That’s what the nurse said anyway.” I added the last bit in for effect. I think it worked too. Sebastian smiled at Katie then gave her a hug before saying goodbye and heading to class.
“Thank you Delilah, you’re the best!” Katie squealed and hugged me.
All the teachers made an unusual and most definitely unnecessary fuss that I was back. Other kids were being nice to me asking how I was feeling and telling me how worried they had been. I suddenly had a lot of friends. I sat at the Perfects’ table at lunch. I sat next to Katie and Avery in class. I had switched places with Jess.
“You really do look great by the way,” Sebastian whispered to me in English class where he sat right behind me.
“Thanks,” I whispered back. My finger reached for my hair and began twirling.
“Although I much prefer your t-shirts with the prints on them, the Transformers one is my favourite.”
“Mine too, you can't beat the original Optimus Prime.” I said, just before the teacher looked our way. I couldn't believe he remembered the t-shirts I wore, I didn't think he noticed me at all, let alone my clothing. Everything had changed so quickly, it was hard to keep up.
After school I took as long as I could at my locker. I didn't want to be the first on the bus. I was the last, as usual. I walked towards the back slowly, thankful Katie saved me a seat.
“So what are you up to now?” Avery asked.
“Nothing much really, I was just going to go home.” It wasn't like I had any reason to go to the island anymore, Jack didn't want to see me and the feeling was mutual. Kind of...
“You’re not going to hangout with your guy friend?”
“Not today, he has other plans.”
“Again? He's quite the busy guy.” I had to tell them something, or they were going to get suspicious.
“Tell me about it, he's always busy playing one sport or another. It drives me crazy.” Hopefully that worked.
“Oh he's a jock? Well we best find you a guy at our school then. Jocks never have time for girls, not unless they are cheerleaders,” Katie laughed.
“Yeah I don't see myself with pom pom's and a mini skirt.” At that, we all laughed, so did a few other kids that were listening in.
“Well then, how about we go to the coffee shop and start thinking of a new guy for Delilah?” Katie suggested. Avery agreed, so did I. Apparently a few listeners felt they had been invited also, so they tagged along too.
The coffee shop was the place where most kids hung out at after school. This was my first time there, without parents. I was thrilled. As soon as the door opened a mixture of smells smacked me in the face. I picked out Pumpkin Pie, Spiced Piñon, Almonds, Chocolate, and Apple. The concoction of smells was heavenly, instantly becoming my new favourite smell. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, savouring the moment. I was excited to try anything.
The shop was empty until we all showed up, which was probably why the person working there was so happy to see us. There were little tables in the middle of the shop and booths on one wall. In the far corner there was an oversized stone fireplace with four large comfy chairs in front of it. That's where we headed. Other kids, popular kids, surrounded me; indie rock played softly over the speakers, it felt like a scene out of a movie. I couldn’t have even dreamt anything like this if I tried. It was surreal.
“Your usual Katie?” The boy behind the counter asked.
“Thanks Lee, you’re the best!” Katie smiled back at the guy and he almost dropped the pot he was holding.
“That's Lee Thomas. He loves Katie; she never has to pay for coffee here,” Avery said.
“Your just jealous,” Katie teased. It was obvious that Avery wasn't kidding about Lee. He brought Katie’s coffee to the table be
I lined up for mine and Avery's. I wasn't eager to start listing appropriate boys for me, but I was a bit excited to order my first coffee. The feeling quickly vanished once I tasted it. Yuck! People actually drank this stuff? I had never tasted anything so horrible in my life. It was what I assumed liquid dirt would taste like. I added a ton of cream and sugar just to make it somewhat drinkable. I would definitely try something else next time.
“So how about...” Katie started as she scanned the room for possible suitors, “Mike?”
“Seriously? Katie, he's dating Jess,” Avery pointed out.
“Oh, I forgot. Oops!” She smiled. Something told me she hadn't forgot at all.
“Daniel?” Avery said, pointing to the guy sitting next to Sebastian. I glanced quickly, so I wouldn't slip and look at Sebastian.
“He's too short,” I replied. He was shorter than me and I thought that just looked odd.
“Chris? He is very tall.” Katie was right. Chris was very tall, but Avery had been staring at him since we had lunch, and I wasn't going to risk it.
“Not my type. Nice guy though.” Avery smiled at me. I thought I handled that well.
“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Katie said, still scanning the room. “I got it!” She squealed, making us all jump.
“Art!” I was horrified! It must have shown on my face, because the entire table started to laugh. I hadn't realized Art was actually in the coffee shop too, and only a few tables away from us. I now felt awful. I looked over at him, but he hadn't seemed to notice, his head was still buried in his sketchpad as it always was. That was why we called him Art. Even the teachers called him Art, not that they talked to him all that much.
Art was like the male version of the old me. He didn't seem to have any friends and people made fun of him a lot. But he never took any notice. He just kept his head down and his mouth shut. Something I used to use as my only means of survival. I had never spoken to him before, and until then, I hadn’t really looked at him. At least not close enough to notice how black his hair was, or how pale his skin looked in contrast. I even noticed how sunken his eyes appeared. He looked, beautifully sad.
“Oh, maybe Art would be a good match you sure have been staring at him long enough,” Avery teased.
“I wasn't looking at him, I was looking at Will. Too bad he's a jock, I've had enough of that for a while.” I hope my explanation was believable, I thought as I twirled my hair, reluctantly taking my eyes of Art.
“I have the best idea!” Katie shrieked, causing most of us to jump, again.
“We will throw a party! We can do it at my house, Friday night. My parents will be out all night, they are driving to see my aunt’s new baby for the weekend.”
“Katie, that's perfect! We invite a ton of guys and Delilah can have her pick.” They were thrilled with their plan. I was terrified, but agreed anyway. What else could I do? This was going to be my first party, and the idea was kind of exciting. Katie and Avery started making plans. I nodded here and there, adding a little input when I could, but I couldn’t help but stare at Art. There was just something about him that I was drawn to. My heart almost stopped when he looked up from his sketchpad and right at me. I tried to turn away, but couldn’t. I was frozen, our eyes locked. Something about it seemed familiar.
“So what do you think?” Katie asked smiling. I felt guilty that I hadn’t heard a word of what she was saying.
“Sounds great,” I replied, hoping that was the right answer.
“I’m so excited, this is going to be a blast.” I must have got it right, she seemed happy.
As the week went on, word of Katie's party spread. Everybody who was anybody was going, and that included me. I was now a Perfect! I made friends with all the other Perfects, some of which I had a lot in common with. I didn't join in on any of their teasing, I usually thought of a clever excuse to have to leave when they started. I didn't want the Painfully part, just the Perfect. Any doubt that I had about their intentions had vanished. There was no way they would all play along in some kind of cruel joke, pretending to be my friend, there is no way they could have got the whole school to participate. I spent quite a bit of time chatting with Sebastian. He would have been the right guy for me, if not for Katie. I couldn't do that to my new friend.
My mom even noticed the change in me. She was thrilled, saying I looked like a proper teenage girl should. My dad didn't comment too much, he just agreed when my mom asked him if he thought I looked nice.
Katie, Avery and I went back to the mall twice before the party, looking for the most Perfect outfits. I was getting used to shopping, something I never would have thought possible a week or two ago. We were looking for dresses. That was the final decision, with a two-to-one vote. I lost. We were going to wear similar outfits, something the head Perfects did at all the parties.
“I haven't worn a dress in forever,” I groaned as tried on the fifth one they handed me over the door.
“Well you’re different now right? Besides I bet you look great, if you would come out and show us,” Katie said. Katie and Avery already had their dresses; they both picked the first ones they tried. I wasn't having as much luck.
“Come on Delilah, just show us one. If you don't come out, we are coming in.” I didn't doubt Katie's threat at all. I did up the dress and came out to show them.
“Well? What do you think?” They both just stared at me with out saying a word.
“I knew it, I look ridiculous!”
“No you don't Delilah, you look amazing!” Avery said, still staring at me. They both were and that made me feel very uncomfortable. I looked in the mirror, trying to see what it was they were seeing, but I couldn't. It didn't look terrible I guess, but it still wasn't me. But that was the point right? Not to be me, Delilah, but to be the new Perfect.
“It’s Perfect Delilah,” Katie said, sealing the deal on the purchase of my first little red dress. I couldn’t help but wonder if my mom would approve. The dress was red and cut a good two inches above my knee. It had a low cut V-neck and a band that wrapped high above my waist. I looked like a grown up, I thought it might be too fancy for a teenage house party, but Katie and Avery insisted it was the one. Their dresses were not too much different, except Katie’s had pink ribbon that wrapped around the waistband and hem of the dress, and Avery’s had silver beading around the skirt. They both looked amazing. I don’t think I compared to the two of them at all. They had far better figures than I did, they had some curves. I was like a stick, straight up and down, what little chest I had was emphasized by the dress, Katie said that was the part that mattered. I had to go shoe shopping next, apparently my runners wouldn’t match the dress at all. I hated shoe shopping more than anything else. They insisted I buy something with a heel but I wasn’t that good at walking in them. I tried on every pair of shoes Katie and Avery told me to and just picked the one with the smallest heal. Not that it stopped me from stumbling around like a fool.
Tomorrow night was the party. At this point I was beyond excited. I was officially swept up in all the magic of being part of the in crowd, it was euphoric. I was going over every guy at school in my head, trying to picture myself with any of them. The problem was, the only picture I got was of Sebastian. I took out my diary, it had been ages since I wrote in it. I read the last inscription. It seemed like I was reading a diary that belonged to someone else, and I was intruding on her most private thoughts. Her hurt, torment, and sadness was nothing that I was feeling now. It felt like a lifetime ago. I hadn’t even written anything about Jack. Not that he mattered anymore, not to me at least.
I wrote as much as I could about my fall off the ropes, my new friends and the party that was going on tomorrow night. My first party. I tried to imagine what it would be like, picturing what I had seen in movies, or read in books, but it wasn't easy. I could envision the groups of people, the laughing and joking. But what were they laughing and joking about? What do th
My eyes were getting too heavy to hold open anymore, and I was getting myself all worked up. I put my diary under my pillow, closed my eyes and slipped right into a dream of the party, and Sebastian.
We were sitting on a two person couch, our legs pressed together, facing each other and laughing. The room was full of people having a good time, but the hum of their conversation never really reached us. Katie had decided she liked someone else and was eagerly sucking face with him across the room. The light was low and there seemed to be a breeze coming from an open window, I never did spot. The music sounded like a relaxation CD of a lake or something, but it didn't matter, I was too busy listening to Sebastian. He was telling me how much he liked my t-shirts, he could have been reading a dictionary out loud and it wouldn't have made a difference, he was sitting with me, our legs were touching, I was in heaven. He reached out his hand and stroked my cheek. I froze, held my breath, and tried to savour his touch. He tucked a piece of my hair I had been twirling around my finger, behind my ear, then he held my face with his hand. Gently pulling my face towards him, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I reached up and my fingers slid into his hair.
When I woke up I couldn’t help but be disappointed a little. I knew the wonderful dream I had was not going to come true tonight, it couldn’t. I sighed, one last thought of Sebastian and our dream kiss.
My mom helped me wash and style my hair, she put on my make-up, giving me tips on how to touch it up for the party. I was surprised that she was so excited for me to attend the party. She had given me the speech on drinking alcohol and how it was not permitted in our house underage no matter what! But other than that she was thrilled. Thankfully.
I hadn’t shown my mom the dress I bought for the party. I figured it best not to push my luck, so I stuffed it into my backpack, and dressed in clothes that could be party attire.
I said goodbye to my parents and left for the school bus.