After We Collided by Anna Todd
Zed nods and puts up a gentle hand. “You’re right. I’m sorry for bringing all of that up. I just wish you would give me half the chances you give him. I’d never do things like hang out with Jace if I were in Hardin’s position, and on top of that, Jace always has random girls over there—”
“Okay,” I interrupt him. I can’t listen to any more about Jace and girls at his apartment.
“Let’s talk about something else. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings just now. I really am. I just don’t understand. You’re too good for him, and you’ve given him so many chances. But I won’t bring it up again unless you want to talk about it.” He reaches across the table and puts his hand on top of mine.
“It’s okay,” I say. But I can’t believe Hardin would be hanging out with Jace after we got into that fight in the driveway. That’s the last place I thought he would be.
Zed stands up and walks over to the door. “Come on, let me show you something.” I stand and follow him. “Wait there,” he says when I reach the middle of the room.
The light shuts off and I’m expecting pitch black. Instead my eyes are greeted with neon green, pink, orange, and red. Each row of flowers glows with a different color, some of them brighter than others.
“Whoa . . .” I half whisper.
“Neat, isn’t it?” He asks.
“Yes, very.” I walk down the row slowly, taking in the sight.
“We basically engineered them, then altered the seeds to glow like this.” Suddenly he’s behind me. “Watch this.” His hand moves to my arm and he guides my hand to touch a petal of a glowing pink flower. This flower isn’t glowing as bright as the rest—that is, until my fingertip touches it and it comes to life. I jerk my hand back in surprise and hear him chuckle behind me.
“How is that even possible?” I ask in amazement.
I love flowers, especially lilies, and these man-made blooms look similar to them—they’re officially my new favorite.
“Anything’s possible when science is involved,” he says, his face lit up by the flowers and his smile bright.
“How nerdy of you,” I tease, and he laughs.
“You aren’t in any position to call me nerdy,” he teases back, and I laugh.
“True.” I touch the flower again and watch it glow once more. “This is incredible.”
“I thought you’d like it. We’re working on doing the same with a tree; the problem is that trees take much longer to grow than flowers. But trees live much longer; flowers are too fragile. If you neglect them, they wilt and die.” His tone is soft, and I can’t help but compare myself to the flower, and get the feeling he’s doing the same.
“If only trees were as pretty as flowers,” I remark.
He moves to stand in front of me. “They could be, if someone made them that way. Just the way we took ordinary flowers and turned them into this, the same could be done with a tree. If it was given the right type of attention and care, it could glow like these flowers, but be much stronger.” I stay silent as he brings his thumb to my cheek. “You deserve that type of attention. You deserve to be with someone who makes you glow, not who burns out your light.”
Then Zed leans in to kiss me.
I take a step back and smack into a row of flowers; thankfully none fall as I steady myself. “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“You can’t what?” He raises his voice slightly. “Let me be the one to show you how happy you could be?”
“No . . . I can’t kiss you, not right now. I can’t go back and forth between the two of you. I was in your bed last night, then I kissed Hardin this morning, and now . . .”
“You kissed him?” He gapes, and I’m grateful for the room being dark except for the glow from the flowers.
“Well, he kissed me, but I let him before I pulled away,” I explain. “I’m confused, and until I know what I’m going to do, I can’t go around kissing everyone. It’s not right.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry if I’m leading you on or making you think—”
“It’s fine,” Zed says.
“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have brought you into the middle of this until I could think straight.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who keeps coming around. I don’t mind being led on, as long as you’ll have me around. I know we could be good together, and I have all the time in the world to wait for you to see it, too,” he says and walks over to turn the light on.
How can he always be so understanding?
“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me, you know?” I tell him and sling my bag over my shoulder.
“I would never hate you,” he says, and I smile.
“Thank you for showing me this—it’s incredible.”
“Thanks for coming. Let me at least walk you to class, though?” he offers with a smile.
BY THE TIME I get to the locker room to change and grab my mat, I arrive at yoga class only five minutes early. A tall brunette has taken my spot in the front, and I’m forced to sit in the back row closest to the door. I had planned on telling Zed that I’d never be able to feel the same way about him that I do about Hardin, that I was sorry for kissing him, and that we could only be friends, but he just kept saying all the right things. When he told me about Hardin being at Jace’s last night, it totally caught me off guard.
I always think I know what to do until Zed starts talking. The smoothness of his voice and the kindness behind his eyes always flusters me and messes with my thoughts.
I need to call Hardin when I get back to Landon’s and tell him about my lunch with Zed, and ask him why he was at Jace’s . . . I wonder what Hardin’s doing now? Did he go to classes at all today?
Yoga class was exactly what I needed to clear my head. When the class is dismissed, I feel much better. I roll up my mat and head out of the room, then suddenly hear “Tessa!” as I reach the locker room.
When I turn around, Hardin jogs up to meet me and runs his hands over his hair. “I, um . . . I wanted to talk to you about something . . .”
He sounds off, like he’s . . . nervous?
“Right now? I don’t think this is the place . . .” I don’t want to hash out all of our problems in the middle of the athletic building.
“No . . . it’s not that.” His voice is high-pitched. He’s nervous; this can’t be good. He’s never nervous.
“I was wondering . . . I don’t know . . . Never mind.” He flushes and turns around to walk away. I sigh and turn to go inside to change.
“Would you go out with me!” he yells . . . practically screams, really.
I can’t hide my surprise as I turn around. “What?”
“Like a date . . . you know, like, I could take you on a date? Only if you want to, of course, but it could be fun, maybe? I’m not sure, really, but I would . . .” He trails off, and I decide to end his humiliation as his cheeks flush a deep crimson.
“Sure,” I answer, and he looks down at me.
“Really?” His lips turn to a smile. A nervous smile.
“Yeah.” I don’t know how this will go, but he’s never asked me on a date before. The closest thing to a date was when he took me to the stream and then to eat afterward. But that was all a lie and it wasn’t an actual date. It was Hardin’s way of getting into my pants.
“Okay . . . When do you want to? I mean, we could go right now? Or tomorrow or later in the week?”
I don’t remember ever seeing him this nervous before; it’s adorable, and I try not to laugh. “Tomorrow?” I suggest.
“Yeah, tomorrow’s good.” He smiles and captures his bottom lip between his teeth. The air between us is awkward, but in a good way.
“Okay . . .”
I find myself feeling flustered, like I used to get the first few times I was around him.
“Okay,” he repeats.
He turns on his heel and walks away quickly, nearly tripping over a rolled-up wrestling mat. As I walk into the locker room, I burst into laught
chapter one hundred
HARDIN
Landon startles, then huffs, “What are you doing here?” as I burst into my father’s office.
“I came to talk to you.”
“About what?” he asks, and I sit in the large leather chair behind the hideously expensive oak desk.
“Tessa, what else?” I roll my eyes at him.
“She told me you asked her out already—looks like you really gave her some space.”
“What did she say?” I question.
“I’m not going to tell you what she says.” He slides a piece of paper into the fax machine.
“What are you doing, anyway?” I ask him.
“Faxing my transcripts to NYU. I’m going there next semester.”
Next semester? What the fuck? “Why so soon?”
“Because I don’t want to waste any more time here when I could be with Dakota.”
“Does Tessa know?” I know this will hurt her. He’s her only real friend. I find myself sort of reluctant for him to go . . . sort of.
“Yeah, of course she knows, she was the first person I told.”
“Anyway, I need some help with this date shit.”
“Date shit?” He smiles. “How nice.”
“Are you going to help me or not?”
“I guess.” He shrugs.
“Where is she, anyway?” I ask him. I had walked past the room she’s been staying in, but the door was closed and I didn’t want to knock. Well, I wanted to knock, but I’m trying my hardest to give her space. If her car hadn’t been in the driveway, I’d be freaking the fuck out, but I know she’s here. Well, I sure fucking hope so.
“I don’t know; she’s with that Zed guy, I think,” Landon says and my heart drops. I jump up to my feet in seconds.
“Joking! I’m joking. She’s in the greenhouse with my mum,” Landon says, looking at me with playful scorn.
I don’t care, though, I’m just relieved to know that my paranoid thoughts were getting the best of me. “That’s not funny. You’re a dick,” I spit, and he chuckles. “Now you’re definitely helping me,” I tell him.
AFTER LANDON GIVES ME some advice, he calls it a day and escorts me to the front door. On the way, I ask, “Has she been driving herself to Vance?”
“Yeah, she missed a few days when she was . . . well, you already know.”
“Hmm . . .” I lower my voice as we walk past the room that’s Tessa’s for now. I don’t want to think of how I hurt her, not right now. “Do you think she’s in there?” I ask quietly.
He shrugs. “I don’t know; probably.”
“I should just . . .” I turn the doorknob, and it opens with a small creak. Landon shoots me a glare, but I ignore him as I peer inside.
She’s lying on the bed with papers and textbooks scattered all around her. Her jeans are still on along with a sweatshirt; she must’ve been really exhausted to have fallen asleep while she was studying.
“Are you done being a creep now?” Landon hisses in my ear.
I flip the light switch off and step out of the doorway, pulling the door closed behind me. “I’m not being a creep. I love her, okay?”
“I know, but you clearly don’t understand the concept of giving her some space.”
“I can’t help it. I’m so used to being with her and I’ve been through hell the last nearly two weeks without her. It’s hard for me to stay away from her.”
We walk down the stairs in silence, and I hope I didn’t sound too desperate. Then again, it’s only Landon, so I don’t really give a fuck anyway.
I HATE GOING to the apartment now that Tessa isn’t there. For a second I consider calling Logan and going by the frat house, but deep down I know that’s a bad idea. I don’t want any problems to occur, and they always do. I just really don’t want to go back to that empty apartment.
I do anyway. I’m so damn tired. I haven’t slept properly in ages, it seems.
As I lie down in our bed I try to envision her arms around my waist and her head on my chest. It’s hard to imagine spending my life this way. If I never get to hold her again, if I never get to feel the warmth of her body next to mine . . . I have to do something. I have to do something different, something that will show her and show myself that I can do this.
I can change. I have to, and I fucking will.
chapter one hundred and one
TESSA
By the time I take a shower and dry my hair, it’s already six and the sky is long since dark. I knock on Landon’s bedroom door, but there’s no answer. I don’t see his car in the driveway, but he’s been parking in the garage lately, so he may still be here.
I have no idea what to wear because I don’t know where we’re going. I can’t stop looking out the window, waiting anxiously for Hardin’s car to appear in the driveway. When the bright flash of headlights finally does appear, my stomach turns.
Most of my anxiety is dissolved when Hardin steps out of the car in the black button-up shirt he wore to the dinner party. Is he wearing dress pants? Oh my God, he is. And dress shoes, shiny black dress shoes. Wow. Hardin dressed up? I feel underdressed, but the way he’s looking at me dissolves my unease.
He really is going all out for this. He looks so handsome, and he even styled his hair. It’s pushed back, and I can tell he used something to keep it that way, because it doesn’t fall down onto his forehead as he walks, the way it usually does.
He flushes. “Erm . . . hi?”
“Hi.” I can’t stop staring at him. Wait . . . “Where are your piercings?” The metal rings are gone from his eyebrow and lip.
“I took them out.” He shrugs.
“Why?”
“I don’t know . . . you don’t think I look better this way?” He looks into my eyes.
“No! I loved the way you looked before . . . and now, too, but you should put them back.”
“I don’t want them back in.” He walks to the passenger side of his car to open the door for me.
“Hardin . . . I hope you didn’t take them out because you thought I’d like you better this way, because it’s not true. I love you either way. Please put them back in.”
His eyes light up at my words, and I look away before climbing into the car. No matter how mad at him I am, I never want him to feel like he has to change his appearance for me. I was judgmental when I saw his rings for the first time, but I grew to love them. They’re part of him. “It’s not really like that, honestly. I’ve been thinking about taking them out for a while anyway. I’ve had them forever, and they’re sort of annoying. Besides, who the hell will hire me for a real job with that shit in my face?” He buckles his seat belt and looks over to me.
“People would hire you; it’s the twenty-first century. If you like them . . .”
“It’s not that big of a deal. I sort of like the way I look without them, like I’m not hiding anymore, you know?” I stare at him again and take in his new look.
He looks exquisite—he always does—but it’s sort of nice to not have any distractions on his perfect face.
“Well, I think you look perfect either way, Hardin; just don’t think that I want you to look a certain way, because I don’t,” I tell him and mean it.
When he looks at me he gives me such a shy smile that I forget what I wanted to yell at him about.
“Where are you taking me, anyway?” I ask him.
“To dinner. It’s a really nice place.” His voice is shaky. Nervous Hardin is my new favorite Hardin.
“Have I heard of it?”
“I don’t know . . . maybe?”
The rest of car ride is quiet. I hum along to the Fray songs that Hardin has obviously taken a strong liking to, and Hardin stares out the windshield. He keeps rubbing his hand over his thigh as he drives—a nervous action, I can tell.
When we arrive at the restaurant, it looks fancy and very expensive. All of the cars in the parking lot cost more than my mother’s house, I’m sure.
“I meant
“I can shut it back and you can reopen it?” I offer.
“That hardly counts, Theresa.” He smiles his smug smile, and I can’t help the butterflies in my stomach that appear when he calls me by my real name.
It used to drive me crazy, but I secretly loved every time he would say it to annoy me. I love it almost as much as I love the way he says “Tess.”
“We’re back to ‘Theresa,’ I see?” I smile back at him.
“Yes; yes, we are,” he says and takes my arm. I can see his confidence growing with each step we take toward the restaurant.
chapter one hundred and two
HARDIN
Do you know of another place you think you might like instead?” I ask her when we get back to the car. The man at the fancy restaurant I made reservations at claimed that my name wasn’t on the list. I kept my cool, careful not to ruin the night. He was such a fucking prick. My fingers grip the steering wheel.
Calm. I need to relax. I look over at Tessa and smile.
She bites her lip and looks away.
Was that creepy? That was creepy.
“Well, that was awkward.” My voice is unsteady and oddly high-pitched. “Do you have anything in particular you want, since we’ve apparently moved on to Plan B now?” I ask her, wishing I could think of another nice place to take her. One that might actually let us in.
“No, not really. Just somewhere with food.” She smiles.
She’s being really cool about this, and I’m glad. It was humiliating to be turned away like that. “Okay . . . McDonald’s, then?” I tease just to hear her laugh.
“We may look a little silly in McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, a little,” I agree.
I have no fucking idea where to go now. I should’ve come up with a backup plan ahead of time. This night is already spiraling, and it hasn’t even started yet.
We pull up to a stoplight, and I look around. A crowd of people fills the parking lot next to us. “What’s going on over there?” Tessa asks, trying to peer around me.