All in Pieces by Suzanne Young
“Sounds horrible.”
“Hey,” he says. “Be nice.”
I lift my head to look at his face. His strong jaw. His perfect lips, smirking as he stares up at the ceiling. “Look at me,” I whisper.
His eyes glance over to mine, studying my face. “I always look at you,” he says. “You just don’t always notice.”
Everything about him. I love everything about him. I move up to kiss softly at his lips, and he holds me close. We take our time. There’s no rush.
“This weekend,” he says after. “You want to try to see Evan?”
“Yeah. I’ll call.” And I feel the emptiness again. The sense of loss that never goes away. I grow quiet, and Cameron buries his face in my hair.
“It’s okay to miss him,” he says.
So I do. I miss my brother, and I decide that I won’t make Cameron take me home anymore. Because without Evan there . . . it’s not really home.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
My graduation gown is incredibly itchy. Cameron and I stand in line, waiting to enter the auditorium. Brooks students are allowed to graduate with the public school, and the entire production is way over-the-top.
Mr. Jimenez is up front, giving us instruction on how to walk out, but none of us are paying attention to him. When we start in, I notice two people standing in the doorway. My heart jumps, and I hear Cameron’s breath catch in front of me.
I step out of line, and Cameron asks if I want him to wait. I tell him I’ll meet him inside. He squeezes my hand and heads in with the group.
I walk to the doorway, my eyes brimming over with tears. He’s here. Although Kathy made me wait to see him, she brought Evan here. And it means everything.
I kneel down on the dirty hallway and open my arms. Evan comes running. He jumps all over me, knocking me on my ass and smothering my cheeks with kisses. I eventually get him settled enough to hug him, and then hold him back so I can get a look at him.
“You’re so tall,” I tell him, wiping under my eyes as I cry off the makeup Kendra helped me put on. Evan’s hair is cut short, and his clothes are new and clean. He looks like a regular little boy, even though I know he’s so much more.
“I made you this,” Evan says, holding out a necklace. It’s not macaroni but actual beads. It’s beautiful, and I let him slip it over my head. The necklace reaches right to my heart.
“Savannah,” Kathy says, stepping up. She helps Evan up off the floor, and I pull myself back together, trying to look like a responsible adult so she won’t regret letting me see him.
Evan stays at her side instead of mine. It hurts, it really hurts . . . but if he’s happy, that’s all that matters.
“I love you,” I mouth to him. He beams in return.
Kathy holds out an envelope to me. “I got you something,” she says. She keeps her eyes down, almost regretful. At first I think it’s my fault, but then I recognize it’s guilt. She knows how she’s hurt me. She might even be sorry.
I take the card, and she tells me to open it. There’s a check for several hundred dollars, and I quickly look over at her. I open my mouth to tell her it’s too much, but she holds up her hand to stop me.
“It’s for all the birthdays and holidays I missed,” she says, and then smiles gently. “It’s for all you did for Evan.” She steps closer and reaches to put her hand on my arm. “I’m proud of you, Savannah,” she says. “I’m really proud of you.”
I can’t respond. Inside, I have a million feelings at once, but more than anything . . . she’s proud of me. She’s finally proud of me.
I nod and sniffle hard, looking away. I can’t even say thank you, afraid I’ll start crying. She seems to understand and backs up to take Evan’s hand.
“You’d better get inside,” she says, wiping her eyes. She laughs. “You wouldn’t want to miss the ceremony after all this.”
I start toward the door. Kathy calls my name again.
“Would you . . . would you want to come over for dinner this weekend?” she asks. “I’m sure Evan would like to show you his room.”
“Yes!” Evan says, wide-eyed. “I got a new bed, Savvy! It’s big!”
“I’d love to see it,” I tell him. I look at Kathy, barely able to catch my breath. “Thank you,” I tell her, meaning it more than I ever have. I open the door of the auditorium; a voice on the microphone is welcoming people. Before I walk in, I turn to look at my aunt.
“Is it okay if my boyfriend Cameron comes to dinner?” I ask. I can’t believe I just called him that.
“Cameron’s a good friend,” Evan announces, tugging on Kathy’s hand.
“Sure, I’d love that,” she tells me.
I smile and blow Evan a kiss. And then I walk into the auditorium to graduate from high school.
* * *
“Congratulations, Savannah,” Mr. Jimenez says as I meet him in the center of the stage. The past few months have worn him down—he’s sprouting a few gray hairs. But he’s a good man, and I hope he gets a better gig next year.
“Thank you,” I say, taking the diploma from his hands. I’ll actually miss that class full of delinquents.
“Smile!” Kendra yells from the crowd. She and Marcel have made a big deal out of all of this. They’re treating it more like a sporting event than a graduation. I half expect them to be waving around one of those giant foam fingers.
I look out with an embarrassed smile, waiting for the flash of her camera. I can’t hurry off the stage fast enough, hating to be the center of attention. When I get back to my seat, the folding chair is cold even through my graduation gown.
I lean to the side. “You look really sweet in that hat,” I say to Cameron. His blond hair pokes out as he regards me with a mocking stare.
“Thanks, Sutton,” he says. “And that was a pretty nice smile you flashed up there. Can’t wait to frame it.”
I laugh. “Shut up.”
Cameron pats my leg and motions to the audience. “By the way,” he says quietly, “little man looked real good back there.”
“Yeah” I say. “He did. Oh, by the way, Kathy asked if I’d come over for dinner this weekend. I told her you’d come too.”
He turns to me, realizing the gravity of the request. “She did?” he asks. I nod, and he smiles to himself. “Cool. Yeah, I’ll go. I’ll be all charming and shit. Can’t wait to hang out with Evan. I’ve got a new handshake I want to teach him.”
I smile, staring at the gymnasium floor. “He’ll like that,” I say.
My father doesn’t come to the ceremony. I thought I wouldn’t care, but I do. In a way, I wish he’d shown up sober. But this is reality. And in reality, he’s probably home, drinking and hating me. But mostly hating himself.
I’m doing my best to accept that he’ll never be my dad again. Accept that my mother’s gone forever. I pretend it doesn’t hurt most days, but it does. But I’ve finally learned to stop blaming myself. The past few months have shown me that I have to let go to live. It isn’t my fault that I couldn’t make a normal family for Evan. I shouldn’t have had to.
Cameron leans in and whispers in my ear. “Congratulations, Savannah.”
I close my eyes, his breath so warm and comforting. “You know how I feel, right?” I say, turning to him. “I don’t have to say it or anything, do I?”
“Nope,” he says, putting his arm around me. “You don’t have to say it.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
Cameron pulls me closer to him, his lips against my temple. “But if you want to tell me anyway, you can.”
“You’re so needy.”
“Tell me.” I pull back and look over, loving how he continues to watch the stage and not me. He taps his finger against his cheek.
I can’t help it. I lean over and kiss him, completely helpless but in a different way. “I love you.” I say it so quietly, there’s no way he could have heard me.
“So obsessed with me,” he says.
I laugh, and his eyes glance in
“I love you, too, Savannah,” he says. “And now I think we should take that road trip. Explore the world being all lovey-dovey and shit.”
“No.”
“Please.”
“Absolutely not.”
He waits. Then, “We’ll leave next weekend.”
“Sounds good.”
He squeezes me, laughing in my hair. “We’ll stop at Disney and get Evan some mouse ears.”
“He’ll love those.”
“We’ll get Retha some too.”
“No,” I say. “She’d want something more sparkly.”
“Right.”
“And we’ll get Travis the Goofy hat,” I say. “He’ll be home by then.”
It’s not guaranteed that Travis will be let out of rehab that soon, but Retha believes it. So does Travis. I talked to him on the phone last night and sent him my love. He sounded good. And he didn’t make any promises.
Sometimes it’s hard. You can care so much about a person, give so much . . . but I’ve learned that love isn’t always enough. Still, we believe in Travis’s recovery, we count on it, we go on like it will happen—a definite. We don’t dwell on the alternative.
I look at Cameron, studying his face before softly kissing his lips. A raucous applause startles me, and around us the auditorium gets to its feet, clapping wildly.
I stand and look over the crowded auditorium, trying to find Evan. When I find him, my face immediately tingles. He see me too and starts waving, calling out to me.
“I love you, buddy,” I say, although he can’t hear me.
Aunt Kathy meets my eyes and smiles. She doesn’t hate me. She might even actually love me. Or at least she wants to. And I’m trying to be a better person. Someone Evan can look up to. I wave to Kathy and turn around.
When I sit, Cameron takes my good hand and holds it. He doesn’t look at me, but he still sees me. He’s always seen me.
For the first time, I’m filled with hope. For Evan. For me. And for the future I never thought I deserved.
SUZANNE YOUNG is the New York Times bestselling author of the Program series. Originally from Utica, New York, Suzanne moved to Arizona to pursue her dream of not freezing to death. She is a novelist and an English teacher, but not always in that order. Suzanne is the author of The Program, The Treatment, The Remedy, The Epidemic, Hotel for the Lost, and A Need So Beautiful.
Simon Pulse
Simon & Schuster, New York
Visit us at simonandschuster.com/teen
authors.simonandschuster.com/Suzanne-Young
ALSO BY SUZANNE YOUNG
The Program series
The Program
The Treatment
The Recovery
The Remedy
The Epidemic
Coming soon: The Adjustment
Hotel for the Lost
Just Like Fate
with Cat Patrick
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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First Simon Pulse hardcover edition November 2016
Text copyright © 2016 by Suzanne Young
Jacket photographs copyright © 2016 by Jill Wachter
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Jacket designed by Russell Gordon
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Author photograph by Dawn Goei
Interior designed by Mike Rosamilia
The text of this book was set in Garamond BE.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Young, Suzanne, author.
Title: All in pieces / Suzanne Young.
Description: Simon Pulse hardcover edition. | New York : Simon Pulse,
2016. | Summary: “A girl struggles to take care of her younger brother with special needs while confronting her own anger issues”—Provided by publisher. Identifiers: LCCN 2016003832 | ISBN 9781481418836 (hc)
Subjects: | CYAC: Anger—Fiction. | Brothers and sisters—Fiction. | People with disabilities—Fiction. | Bullying—Fiction. | Family problems—Fiction. | BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Special Needs. | JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Bullying. | JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Homelessness & Poverty. Classification: LCC PZ7.Y887 Al 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016003832
ISBN 9781481418850 (eBook)
Suzanne Young, All in Pieces