Awakening by Qwantu Amaru
Awakening
By
Qwantu Amaru
* * * * *
PUBLISHED BY:
Qwantu Amaru
Awakening
Copywright 2012 Qwantu Amaru
License Statement
Acknowledgements
Thank God for the talent, mind and soul.
Mom and Dad for the nurturing, morals, intellect and insight.
Keith Rogers for the vision.
Friends and family for the undying support.
BackTalk! poetry troupe for the movement.
contents
scars
resignation
solitary
higher power
change
something for the thugs
gone baby gone
a theist
12 months later
one kiss
monster
some things (never change)
no one (compares to you)
eve
Exclusive Excerpt from One Blood by Qwantu Amaru
scars
My tattoos were not fused to my skin
With hues of a burning inkpen
I earned each and every one of them
When you trace them
You can see everywhere I've been
Every single time I've fallen
And gotten up again
I'm going to let you in
Within the deep dark den of my self
I'm giving you the combination to my soul
I've been dreading this moment ever since we first met
But I offer no apologies for the life I've led
Because if I want you to get me
I've got to show you the real me
Expose you to my filthy
Underbelly
Ready or not I need to show you a few things
Come count the skeletons in the closet of this king
I truly hope you will linger after exploring my inner space
For the outcome of your inspection might determine my fate
Now that you've dissected my cosmology
Do you still love me
Like you said you did before you experienced the blizzard of my bodies loneliest lair
Do you still care
Like you said you did before you took in my years of wear and tear
Are you as scared as I am
Can you be the comforter
Who finally smothers my loneliness
Because this was my last test
Now I'm yours
Mind body and soul
You've seen me broken that's how I've become whole
Yes the years took there toll but I've paid my debts
Because I bet the house on you and am walking away a winner
A sinner reformed a man reborn
Once scorned
Now crowned
Taken from undiscovered to world-reknowned
Full of hope for a future that exceeds our expectations by far
But first you have to trust me enough to show me your scars
resignation
I always said that I'd quit before I ever got fired
But maybe I should have quit before I ever got hired
Okay, it's true, I lied on my application
Created tall tales in the blanks about previous jobs and education
Basically I've been wasting your time and mine
And I'm smart enough to know when the wine and dine is over
I'm in way over my head
I made this bed
But I can't lie here anymore
And oh how I wish I could
Lie
Because that's what these arrangements are all about
You had your doubts when you signed me up
But I filled your head up with beautific fallacies
And surprisingly you entered into this fantasy world with me
And I love you for your belief and trust in me, I truly do
Still two years have passed and things haven't improved
My performance ratings have plummeted
But my salary like my waistline has increased
I don't dream of promotions anymore
Now I dream of being released
From the responsibility of striving to succeed
From the need to be the best I can be
Feeling completely unmotivated, I just long to be free
Of the long hours, and always having to be on call
It sucks to say but I'm not afraid to throw it all away
And I may regret saying these words some day
But today just is not that day
So please accept my resignation
My failure
My incompetence
My inability to communicate
Have all led to this
Awareness, not ignorance, is real bliss
And I must insist that you can't convince me to stay
Because both parties are most definitely better off this way
At the end of the day, life's just too short
The next time I see you will probably be in court
And at that time you can seek your retribution
For the bruises and contusions suffered while loving me
You can tell them all about how I abandoned my husbandly post
You can proclaim how our love life went comatose
Feel free to roast me on the spit of the judges gavel
I won't unravel and I won't refute your claims
Just give me back my last name and I'll give you your due share
And then I'll walk out of that courtroom with nary a care
Because all's fair in love and work
My only regret is that I ever caused you to feel hurt
Now I'm resigned to a life of solitude and loss
At least until I find a new Boss…
solitary
There is a dream
Frightening in its intensity
I must understand the meaning
So I can break free
There is a road
All menacing curves
I must walk alone
It is my destiny
There is a house
Haunted by hope
I must finish the foundation
Before it becomes too dark to see
There is a place
Awe inspiring in its immensity
I will reside there
But I can't take you with me
higher power
only one choice in this life to make
only one direction to take
but all roads lead to home
all roads lead to him
and her
and it
all things fit
inside this light filled pit
keep going
you'll make it
keep giving
don't worry about what you get
no regrets allowed
live in the now
climb down the tower
seek your higher power
until your final hour
never
stop
searching
the
truth
is
urging
urgent
earnest
earned
blessed
this is not a test
this
is
life
change
The restless are resting less
Because there is less assurance
Yet increased uncertainty
Certainly
These are dark days
But sun rays travel light years to illuminate the way
So who are we to lie idling by
Letting time pass us by
What will it take to make us try
Harder tomorrow than we did today
Will it take more calamities
More Darfur's
More slain Iraqui's and Afghani's
Higher death counts of our troops
Higher amounts of toxins in our food
In our air
Why don't we care about any of these things?
Why do we put so much value on diamond rings
While every day we divorce from nature
Is it our basic nature to destroy
Or can we employ our strengths to create
What are we waiting for
We don't have to be restless anymore
Just like we don't need wings to soar
We just need to sweat
We need to get behind a common cause
If we can applaud our sports teams
Can we also collectively dream
Of a world community
United
Where only necessary resources are divided
Can we decide it's time to stop laying blame
Shouldn't we be so ashamed of the state of our home
That we hone in on each problem
And then take the necessary actions to solve them
This moment is not about the them's and they's
Nor is it about the concerns that mask our way
It's about making history
And to make history we have to create a new majority
A new society built on the solid bricks of change
A new golden age where people are no longer afraid
A world where games are not played with people's lives
A place where survival does not rival education
A nation of people chasing self-actualization
Now is not the time for patience
Now is the time of freedom
Now is the time to get the job done
Now is the time for one nation
Illuminated
Now is the moment we've waited for a lifetime
But we can't allow any more time to slip away
We must embrace positive change for our children's sake
Let us take on this new challenge
Let us all join hands
We must change the world
And together, yes we can
something for the thugs
You can call me NIGGER
Any day
But the day you refer to me
As a THUG
Will be the day
BLOOD will paint the streets
Because in my heart
Beats the blood of KINGS
I am royalty
So please don't degrade me
Or my people
By labeling
See it won't stick
Like those colored only signs
In the sixties
You will be crushed by the gravity
Of our new majority
A new psychology is being born
It's time to put away those worn titles
File them away under the word IGNORANCE
They can't ignore us
If we value ourselves
If we stop selling out to downpressers
If we put away the clown nose and big shoes
And get down to big business
No one will think less of you my brother
And I do love you
Or else I wouldn't be saying these words to you
See it took a trip to prison for Malcolm to learn the power of words
THUG literally means HOODLUM
And a HOODLUM is a criminal
Think about the subliminal messages you send our kids
By making it COOL to share this appearance
How COOL will the floor of their cells be
How happy will you make the wealthy
Who only long to see a majority of us behind bars
Instead of behind the wheels of luxury cars
That we bought with CLEAN money
It's funny
We do more damage to ourselves
Than any oppressor could fathom
But this self-destructive tendency is not random
It is something planted inside each of us since we were young
But we are older now
No longer dumb
So if you long for freedom
And equality in this society
Join with me
And remove these false wrappings
Claim your kingdom
gone baby gone
Beautiful baby boy
Elaborate stroller
Loving mother
By his side
Pacifier pacifying
Eyes fluttering
Dreaming
Of the future?
The father sits
In close proximity
Smoking
Cigarette
after
Cigarette
after
Cigarette
Admires baby's fluttering eyes
Baby coughs
Sputtering
The future becoming
a
smoke
filled
room
a theist
A white picket fence
Separates
Our faiths
Yet you see
Unfathomable
Distance
Like the space between
Earth and sun
Still
It comforts me
To see your light on
Over there
I often
Question
The sorry state of humanity
why
can’t
we
begin
to
speak
intelligibly
about
he
she
it
a difficult subject
to be sure
are you so sure
about existence
and its meaning?
God leaning
or
God leery
ironically
there is only one right response
i believe
12 months later
Last year
On this day
I bought you an iPod
There was no music
Yet you still danced
This year
There will be
no
dancing
and for that
I
Apologize
one kiss
I know this is a taboo subject between friends
But I feel like bending the rules a bit
Because whenever you lick your lips
My focus slips and I forget
That I'm not supposed to be looking at you like this
Is it wrong to wish we could get closer
Is it wrong to ask you to come over
At this ungodly hour
Is it wrong to give in to the power of this longing
Just this once
I've been fighting this want ever since we first met
But I respect you too much to cross the line
Even if you are a dime
Damn
I'm a man and you're a woman
I should be warming your mouth with mine
Our fingers should be as intertwined as our minds
We should be putting our doubts behind
We 2 should become 1 of a kind
If you let me I could find all of your fun spots
I could get you so hot you would beg me not to quit
I could lick and lick and lick
I could be a perfect fit
I could pick you up
Around 8
And take away all your sorrows
A
And maybe even make you late
For work
If this desire is lurking somewhere within you as well
You need to help me
By telling me that you want me too
After that we should do what comes natural
And deal with what comes after
In the aftermath
In the afterglow
I will show you the love we made was not in vain
There is no shame in giving in to these feelings
We've been stealing glances for how many years?
We've been dancing around this issue for how many years?
How long are we going to let fear rule our lives?
Let's live in the moment for once
Let's walk to the edge and jump
And after we come back up for air
You'll see that I'm still here and you're still here
That our friendship hasn't gone anywhere
That we didn't want it to go
But now we know
Where to go to find true bliss
And it all starts
With
Just
One
Kiss
monster
Your hands
Send short sparks
Through nerve endings
Raw
Stuff me
With your cotton
caress
Now drink me
Through lips high
and low
And hear me groan
Own these sounds
Like you own my
Flesh
Make me your pet
Smell my desire for you
Wet your palette
Gaze upon passion
Of your creation
Lust unrationed
Pants unfastened
Feast
famished eyes
On your
love monster
My sex
responds to
only one master
some things (never change)
There is secret hope
in your smile
I pray it never fades
The same way I pray
That one day the timing will finally be right
To ignite the fuse
We've long refused to touch
Because friendship has always had to be enough
It's amazing we've stayed in touch
After all these years
After all this time
Is there still a small space in your heart
I might claim as mine?
If I quantified the amount of space
You occupy in my mind
You would have a clear sign of how much
I want you
How much I have longed
To spend longer and longer moments
Just we two
Laughing
Loving
Touching
Doing what we do
You are precious
Irreplaceable
And I love you now more than ever
Wherever life pushes us next
I have a secret knowledge
That allows me to pass these tests