Balance - Book one by Marc Dickason
CHAPTER 16
For a long time I was lost in nonsensical dreams and darkness.
The next thing that became comprehensible was voices; distant and talking in gibberish. They seemed familiar these voices, but as though I must have encountered them in a dream, or perhaps the distant past.
As the only thing present to occupy my time I focused on them, attempting to extract meaning from the sing-song tones and peculiar syllables.
This went on for an age.
Finally as my wits returned in a gentle reestablishment of reality, I registered the voices belonging to Selena and Benny.
I wish I could say that rediscovering normality had been a relief. Instead I felt a distinct loss at having to forsake my comfortable black void, regretting that I could not have stayed just a little longer.
Memories returned in an endless déjà vu.
“…not an Enforcer anymore. Understand?” Benny was saying.
“And this is not the jurisdiction of an Enforcer, Mister Kingston,” Selena responded dryly, “As long as he remains my student, I make the decisions.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The authority of an Enforcer takes precedence-”
“Over all other magical laws,” she finished the quote, “I’m aware of the rules, Mister Kingston. But since Jet Clarence has not yet officially finished his training, he remains the responsibility of his trainer.”
I kept my eyes closed, feigning unconsciousness.
Benny let out a shuddering sigh. “Selena. Really, what is it you’re trying to do here? I’m struggling to understand your angle, but it really escapes me. All I can think is that you have a little crush on Jet. And let me remind you that this is against regulations in Trainer/Student Protocol.”
“Don’t patronise me,” Selena snapped, “You know very well why I want Jet here and away from you.”
There was a pause.
“Don’t insult me, Selena,” Benny’s voice now adopted a note of genuine intention, “I respect what I am dealing with. You and I both know this. And I’d go as far as to say he is potentially one of the most dangerous men on the planet. Now, turn him over to Enforcer custody or I will be forced to return with an official warrant.”
“As you wish, I will await your return.”
Another pause. The next words were tinged with frustration. “Selena! Please! Let’s put petty shit aside and acknowledge the situation. You are meddling with serious protocol here. A magic user of this level of power is no joke. What he did is easily class 4.”
“Class 5, in my opinion,” she interjected.
“Then what are we doing here?! The shit storm you will bring down on our heads harbouring him will be of epic proportions! Do you realise what could happen if he loses control?!”
“He will not lose control.”
“Have you seen the state of your house?!”
“He will not lose control. Now, if there is nothing else Mister Kingston, I have matters to which I need to attend.”
I decided it was time to speak. “Don’t I get an opinion?”
I opened my eyes and took a first look around. It was without question located in Selena’s residence. This was made obvious by firstly, the presence of a four post football field where my bed should be, and secondly the size of the room which was roughly that of a small island.
Two faces turned in my direction. Benny’s one of alarm, Selena’s, despite her assurance I would not lose control, one of caution.
“Jet!” Benny spoke first, “Welcome back, buddy. Thought you were in a coma there for a second. How do you feel?”
“Not bad,” I responded honestly, “Not bad at all.”
“Do you remember what happened?” Selena asked, approaching my bed.
I did. An impression seared into my brain, I remembered my grandmother murdering my father in cold blood. The inhuman way the murder had been dealt with; the heartless fashion in which my mother had said “He’s dead” to an eight year old child. It would never leave me.
And I was aware of something else. Another reality buried in the dark corners of my mind. I needed the resentment. Somehow, it was a cornerstone of who I was, sitting as substitute where something else should have been. Not something I fully understood, but knew it to be the reason my demon remained. And changed.
“Yes, I remember what happened,” I replied to Selena. Then added with a certain amount of awkwardness, “Sorry about your house.”
“The house is insured. Any rational trainer will tell you it’s essential.”
She leaned over and studied my face, looking into one eye then the other.
“Are you feeling disorientated?” she asked, “Confused? Do you know where you are?”
“I told you, I feel fine.”
“Tell me where you are?”
“I assume this is your house,” I muttered, “Considering the level of décor.”
“Your confrontation with your demon did not go as planned.”
“I guessed that. If that was normal I’m sure insurance would have abandoned you long ago.”
“This is no joking matter, Jet.”
“She’s right,” Benny interjected, stepping forward, “This is pretty major.”
“What exactly happened?” I asked, roused by the uncommon serious note in Benny’s voice.
“It’s a rare event, but not completely unheard of,” he continued, “The confrontation released hidden Spirit.”
“Hidden Spirit?”
“Well, not exactly hidden, more … dormant.”
I thought about this. “How much Spirit? You just claimed I was one of the most dangerous men on Earth. How much Spirit is that?”
The two exchanged glances.
“A lot,” Benny said, “With immense destructive potential.”
It seemed to me I had already been capable of an immense amount of destruction, without raising too many eyebrows. And since I did not feel in any way different, I filed the misplaced concerned expressed by both under paranoia. I would change that conclusion later.
“So what happens now?” I asked.
“We were just now discussing this,” Selena said, throwing Benny a sideways scowl, “Your training is not yet complete. With the banishing of your demon an unfortunate failure you must now be taught to use a Primary Crutch. It will not take long, but I would prefer if you remained under my watch for a few days. The rest will do you good.”
“Which is bullshit,” Benny muttered, “You’re coming with me, Jet. I think after being unconscious for three days you’ve had more than enough rest, wouldn’t you agree?”
Three days. I reeled in shock. It had felt no more than a casual nap.
He had chosen the words carefully. In two days we would play our poker game finale. This explained his eagerness to get me from under Selena’s watchful eye.
“Tell her, Jet,” he continued, putting more emphasis in his voice than needed, “Tell her you’re coming with me.”
It was a decision that had been coming, now made into an unavoidable situation. I would have given anything to spend a few days sharing personal space with Selena, leading to who knew what. It seemed very possible that it would be a few days that remained the highlight of my life. I almost didn’t allow myself the luxury of imagining a life with Selena as a partner. It was parallel to hoping for something as fantastic as winning the lottery.
But the fact remained; Brent’s life depended on my participation.
I considered throwing caution to the wind and blurting out the truth, letting Selena in on the situation. Would she understand? Give us the money? Lend a helping hand? Or what was it Benny had said;
“It was as if she thought taking one step outside the established laws somehow made her less perfect.”
Benny and I had both already strayed from the law and it did not seem impossible that she would have us spending the rest of our lives as vegetables. After all, did I believe she liked me enough to betray perfection a second time…?
With my stomach tightening and
heart refusing to believe what it was hearing, I hung my head and made my decision.
“I guess I’ll go with Benny,” I said.
The silent vacuum greeting my words seemed to stamp irrevocability on the occasion.
I dared to raise my eyes and meet Selena’s gaze. I imagined that her expression, although minutely different from the one that occupied her face indefinitely, told a tale of bottomless hurt.
“As you wish,” she said at last, “Then return tomorrow. It will be our final lesson together.”
With that she turned on her heel and exited. I watched her go, drawing on every ounce of my willpower to not call out.
“We’ve lost major time,” Benny whispered, waiting for her to be beyond earshot, “I have been going out of my mind here, buddy. I was about ready to go with plan B, round up a few mercenaries and knock off a bank.”
“Sorry to make you wait.”
“Hey, shit happens. We’ve got only tomorrow left to practice. But it’s not impossible. In fact, I think we can pull it off fairly easily.”
My head was still spinning, trying in vain to justify my decision. I stared at a wall for a few moments wondering if life would ever again be so kind to me.
“Jet! Are you with me? You okay? Feeling strange?” His voice was cautious and I looked up, realising that there was a new edge in his communication.
He was afraid of me.
“I’m fine,” I said, standing from the bed and realising I was wearing only boxer shorts. Benny pointed to a cupboard; I opened it and was met by a selection of men’s clothing that cost more than my car.
“You bought me clothes?”
“Me? Don’t be ridiculous. Selena.”
I sighed and dressed, realising that the style of clothing was unlike anything I had worn in my life. Smart enough to be accepted at yacht clubs.
“Oh, and sorry about the whole demon thing,” he added, “That must have been tough.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets and diverted his gaze. I guess it was hard for anyone to know how to deal with matters relating to demons with such potential to enter dark emotional waters.
“Thanks,’ I replied. I meant to let the matter drop, but a need to express troubling thoughts took over. I paused in the act of buttoning the silk shirt. “I think I’m glad.”
He looked up. “About what?”
“I think I’m glad the demon isn’t gone.”
“How do you mean?”
“I need it.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t follow you.”
“I need it to help me kill my mother and grandmother.” The words were out. I couldn’t believe they had emerged from my own mouth. “I didn’t mean that.”
For a long time Benny said nothing. Then he sighed and shook his head. “I won’t pretend to know where your demon comes from, Jet. But I have come to accept that such matters are peoples’ own business, and for good reason. I never heard you say that whether you mean it or not. And I’m sorry. Whatever they did to you, I’m truly sorry.”
“Thank you.”
As the moment passed I continued dressing, buttoning the shirt and pulling on trousers.
“Look, Jet,” he hesitated, “I’m not sure you realise the scale of the situation you’re in. People with your level of Spirit are taken pretty seriously by the Department of Magic. I mean, you are a walking bomb. You understand?”
I certainly didn’t feel like a walking bomb. “Sure.”
“I’m meant to register you as a class 5 magical hazard. Like, today. But that means you’ll be under constant surveillance for months. There will be tests, exams…”
I slipped on the leather shoes. “My guess is you’re not going to register me?”
“No. Obviously not,” He hesitated again, his brow creasing, “I need to ask you something, and I want you to not take it the wrong way.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you in control?”
“Yes.”
“No, listen to me before you answer.”
“Okay.”
“Maybe you think you’re okay, but really you’re not…”
“No, I’m okay.”
He sighed, rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat. “Jet, if you lose control you could destroy a city block.”
I looked up, frozen with one arm half into the sleeve of my new black jacket. The words sunk in. At first I thought he might have been joking, looking for a way to lighten the mood. But his face showed no indication of humour.
“What?”
“You heard me. Are you starting to understand the situation now?”
“How is that even possible?”
“It’s possible. In about maybe a hundred cases around the world people share the same level of Spirit. It’s that rare. And each of these people, believe you me, have more Enforcers stapled to their asses than a shit pile has flies.”
I stared. Again I made an attempt to detect an unusual level of Spirit and came up empty.
“So,” he said, looking at me closely, “I’m going to ask you again. Are you, or are you not, in control? Because if you start looking like you might blow your lid, I may have to… stop you.”
My feeling was of being as much in control as I ever had. Which is to say; I had never been a person who lost control easily.
Images flashed through my mind; me, not a few days ago, turning on Clinton and knocking him over a table. My grandmother’s face looming at me, cold and calculating. “Oh for goodness sake, stop acting like it’s the end of the world.”
I hadn’t meant it, I told myself. It had just been an understandable reaction to recent developments. But even as I assured myself a tiny flame ignited in my stomach, flooding me with warmth.
“I think I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“Alright. Good. Then why the hell are we standing around? We have work to do.”
We headed downstairs and out the front door, where I was met with my third crushing blow of the day. Where my car had sat was now only an ominous black stain on the cobblestones.
“Where’s my car?” I asked Benny, dreading the answer.
“Oh. Seems it got partially crushed by a slab of stone you blew out the mansion roof. Selena had it towed.” He shrugged. “Sorry. Let’s take my car.”
My shoulders sagged. The old beast had finally been destroyed. No job. No home. No family. No love interest - And now no car. At least I wasn’t wearing borrowed clothes.
For a long time I was lost in nonsensical dreams and darkness.
The next thing that became comprehensible was voices; distant and talking in gibberish. They seemed familiar these voices, but as though I must have encountered them in a dream, or perhaps the distant past.
As the only thing present to occupy my time I focused on them, attempting to extract meaning from the sing-song tones and peculiar syllables.
This went on for an age.
Finally as my wits returned in a gentle reestablishment of reality, I registered the voices belonging to Selena and Benny.
I wish I could say that rediscovering normality had been a relief. Instead I felt a distinct loss at having to forsake my comfortable black void, regretting that I could not have stayed just a little longer.
Memories returned in an endless déjà vu.
“…not an Enforcer anymore. Understand?” Benny was saying.
“And this is not the jurisdiction of an Enforcer, Mister Kingston,” Selena responded dryly, “As long as he remains my student, I make the decisions.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The authority of an Enforcer takes precedence-”
“Over all other magical laws,” she finished the quote, “I’m aware of the rules, Mister Kingston. But since Jet Clarence has not yet officially finished his training, he remains the responsibility of his trainer.”
I kept my eyes closed, feigning unconsciousness.
Benny let out a shuddering sigh. “Selena. Really, what is it you’re trying to do here? I’m struggling to understand your angle, but it really escapes me. All I can think is that you have a little crush on Jet. And let me remind you that this is against regulations in Trainer/Student Protocol.”
“Don’t patronise me,” Selena snapped, “You know very well why I want Jet here and away from you.”
There was a pause.
“Don’t insult me, Selena,” Benny’s voice now adopted a note of genuine intention, “I respect what I am dealing with. You and I both know this. And I’d go as far as to say he is potentially one of the most dangerous men on the planet. Now, turn him over to Enforcer custody or I will be forced to return with an official warrant.”
“As you wish, I will await your return.”
Another pause. The next words were tinged with frustration. “Selena! Please! Let’s put petty shit aside and acknowledge the situation. You are meddling with serious protocol here. A magic user of this level of power is no joke. What he did is easily class 4.”
“Class 5, in my opinion,” she interjected.
“Then what are we doing here?! The shit storm you will bring down on our heads harbouring him will be of epic proportions! Do you realise what could happen if he loses control?!”
“He will not lose control.”
“Have you seen the state of your house?!”
“He will not lose control. Now, if there is nothing else Mister Kingston, I have matters to which I need to attend.”
I decided it was time to speak. “Don’t I get an opinion?”
I opened my eyes and took a first look around. It was without question located in Selena’s residence. This was made obvious by firstly, the presence of a four post football field where my bed should be, and secondly the size of the room which was roughly that of a small island.
Two faces turned in my direction. Benny’s one of alarm, Selena’s, despite her assurance I would not lose control, one of caution.
“Jet!” Benny spoke first, “Welcome back, buddy. Thought you were in a coma there for a second. How do you feel?”
“Not bad,” I responded honestly, “Not bad at all.”
“Do you remember what happened?” Selena asked, approaching my bed.
I did. An impression seared into my brain, I remembered my grandmother murdering my father in cold blood. The inhuman way the murder had been dealt with; the heartless fashion in which my mother had said “He’s dead” to an eight year old child. It would never leave me.
And I was aware of something else. Another reality buried in the dark corners of my mind. I needed the resentment. Somehow, it was a cornerstone of who I was, sitting as substitute where something else should have been. Not something I fully understood, but knew it to be the reason my demon remained. And changed.
“Yes, I remember what happened,” I replied to Selena. Then added with a certain amount of awkwardness, “Sorry about your house.”
“The house is insured. Any rational trainer will tell you it’s essential.”
She leaned over and studied my face, looking into one eye then the other.
“Are you feeling disorientated?” she asked, “Confused? Do you know where you are?”
“I told you, I feel fine.”
“Tell me where you are?”
“I assume this is your house,” I muttered, “Considering the level of décor.”
“Your confrontation with your demon did not go as planned.”
“I guessed that. If that was normal I’m sure insurance would have abandoned you long ago.”
“This is no joking matter, Jet.”
“She’s right,” Benny interjected, stepping forward, “This is pretty major.”
“What exactly happened?” I asked, roused by the uncommon serious note in Benny’s voice.
“It’s a rare event, but not completely unheard of,” he continued, “The confrontation released hidden Spirit.”
“Hidden Spirit?”
“Well, not exactly hidden, more … dormant.”
I thought about this. “How much Spirit? You just claimed I was one of the most dangerous men on Earth. How much Spirit is that?”
The two exchanged glances.
“A lot,” Benny said, “With immense destructive potential.”
It seemed to me I had already been capable of an immense amount of destruction, without raising too many eyebrows. And since I did not feel in any way different, I filed the misplaced concerned expressed by both under paranoia. I would change that conclusion later.
“So what happens now?” I asked.
“We were just now discussing this,” Selena said, throwing Benny a sideways scowl, “Your training is not yet complete. With the banishing of your demon an unfortunate failure you must now be taught to use a Primary Crutch. It will not take long, but I would prefer if you remained under my watch for a few days. The rest will do you good.”
“Which is bullshit,” Benny muttered, “You’re coming with me, Jet. I think after being unconscious for three days you’ve had more than enough rest, wouldn’t you agree?”
Three days. I reeled in shock. It had felt no more than a casual nap.
He had chosen the words carefully. In two days we would play our poker game finale. This explained his eagerness to get me from under Selena’s watchful eye.
“Tell her, Jet,” he continued, putting more emphasis in his voice than needed, “Tell her you’re coming with me.”
It was a decision that had been coming, now made into an unavoidable situation. I would have given anything to spend a few days sharing personal space with Selena, leading to who knew what. It seemed very possible that it would be a few days that remained the highlight of my life. I almost didn’t allow myself the luxury of imagining a life with Selena as a partner. It was parallel to hoping for something as fantastic as winning the lottery.
But the fact remained; Brent’s life depended on my participation.
I considered throwing caution to the wind and blurting out the truth, letting Selena in on the situation. Would she understand? Give us the money? Lend a helping hand? Or what was it Benny had said;
“It was as if she thought taking one step outside the established laws somehow made her less perfect.”
Benny and I had both already strayed from the law and it did not seem impossible that she would have us spending the rest of our lives as vegetables. After all, did I believe she liked me enough to betray perfection a second time…?
With my stomach tightening and
“I guess I’ll go with Benny,” I said.
The silent vacuum greeting my words seemed to stamp irrevocability on the occasion.
I dared to raise my eyes and meet Selena’s gaze. I imagined that her expression, although minutely different from the one that occupied her face indefinitely, told a tale of bottomless hurt.
“As you wish,” she said at last, “Then return tomorrow. It will be our final lesson together.”
With that she turned on her heel and exited. I watched her go, drawing on every ounce of my willpower to not call out.
“We’ve lost major time,” Benny whispered, waiting for her to be beyond earshot, “I have been going out of my mind here, buddy. I was about ready to go with plan B, round up a few mercenaries and knock off a bank.”
“Sorry to make you wait.”
“Hey, shit happens. We’ve got only tomorrow left to practice. But it’s not impossible. In fact, I think we can pull it off fairly easily.”
My head was still spinning, trying in vain to justify my decision. I stared at a wall for a few moments wondering if life would ever again be so kind to me.
“Jet! Are you with me? You okay? Feeling strange?” His voice was cautious and I looked up, realising that there was a new edge in his communication.
He was afraid of me.
“I’m fine,” I said, standing from the bed and realising I was wearing only boxer shorts. Benny pointed to a cupboard; I opened it and was met by a selection of men’s clothing that cost more than my car.
“You bought me clothes?”
“Me? Don’t be ridiculous. Selena.”
I sighed and dressed, realising that the style of clothing was unlike anything I had worn in my life. Smart enough to be accepted at yacht clubs.
“Oh, and sorry about the whole demon thing,” he added, “That must have been tough.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets and diverted his gaze. I guess it was hard for anyone to know how to deal with matters relating to demons with such potential to enter dark emotional waters.
“Thanks,’ I replied. I meant to let the matter drop, but a need to express troubling thoughts took over. I paused in the act of buttoning the silk shirt. “I think I’m glad.”
He looked up. “About what?”
“I think I’m glad the demon isn’t gone.”
“How do you mean?”
“I need it.”
His eyes narrowed. “I don’t follow you.”
“I need it to help me kill my mother and grandmother.” The words were out. I couldn’t believe they had emerged from my own mouth. “I didn’t mean that.”
For a long time Benny said nothing. Then he sighed and shook his head. “I won’t pretend to know where your demon comes from, Jet. But I have come to accept that such matters are peoples’ own business, and for good reason. I never heard you say that whether you mean it or not. And I’m sorry. Whatever they did to you, I’m truly sorry.”
“Thank you.”
As the moment passed I continued dressing, buttoning the shirt and pulling on trousers.
“Look, Jet,” he hesitated, “I’m not sure you realise the scale of the situation you’re in. People with your level of Spirit are taken pretty seriously by the Department of Magic. I mean, you are a walking bomb. You understand?”
I certainly didn’t feel like a walking bomb. “Sure.”
“I’m meant to register you as a class 5 magical hazard. Like, today. But that means you’ll be under constant surveillance for months. There will be tests, exams…”
I slipped on the leather shoes. “My guess is you’re not going to register me?”
“No. Obviously not,” He hesitated again, his brow creasing, “I need to ask you something, and I want you to not take it the wrong way.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you in control?”
“Yes.”
“No, listen to me before you answer.”
“Okay.”
“Maybe you think you’re okay, but really you’re not…”
“No, I’m okay.”
He sighed, rubbed his eyes and cleared his throat. “Jet, if you lose control you could destroy a city block.”
I looked up, frozen with one arm half into the sleeve of my new black jacket. The words sunk in. At first I thought he might have been joking, looking for a way to lighten the mood. But his face showed no indication of humour.
“What?”
“You heard me. Are you starting to understand the situation now?”
“How is that even possible?”
“It’s possible. In about maybe a hundred cases around the world people share the same level of Spirit. It’s that rare. And each of these people, believe you me, have more Enforcers stapled to their asses than a shit pile has flies.”
I stared. Again I made an attempt to detect an unusual level of Spirit and came up empty.
“So,” he said, looking at me closely, “I’m going to ask you again. Are you, or are you not, in control? Because if you start looking like you might blow your lid, I may have to… stop you.”
My feeling was of being as much in control as I ever had. Which is to say; I had never been a person who lost control easily.
Images flashed through my mind; me, not a few days ago, turning on Clinton and knocking him over a table. My grandmother’s face looming at me, cold and calculating. “Oh for goodness sake, stop acting like it’s the end of the world.”
I hadn’t meant it, I told myself. It had just been an understandable reaction to recent developments. But even as I assured myself a tiny flame ignited in my stomach, flooding me with warmth.
“I think I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“Alright. Good. Then why the hell are we standing around? We have work to do.”
We headed downstairs and out the front door, where I was met with my third crushing blow of the day. Where my car had sat was now only an ominous black stain on the cobblestones.
“Where’s my car?” I asked Benny, dreading the answer.
“Oh. Seems it got partially crushed by a slab of stone you blew out the mansion roof. Selena had it towed.” He shrugged. “Sorry. Let’s take my car.”
My shoulders sagged. The old beast had finally been destroyed. No job. No home. No family. No love interest - And now no car. At least I wasn’t wearing borrowed clothes.