Beautiful Bastard by Christina Lauren
Stop. Stop!
He closed the trunk with a slam, breaking me out of my daze, and I placed the keys in his waiting hand. He walked over and opened my door, waiting for me to be seated before closing it behind me. Yeah, you’re a real gentleman, I thought.
We drove in silence, the only sound provided by the purr of the engine and the GPS calling out directions to the hotel. I busied myself going over our schedule, trying to ignore the man next to me.
I wanted to look at him, to study his face. I wanted to reach out and touch the slight stubble on his jaw, to tell him to pull over and touch me.
All these thoughts ran through my mind, making it impossible to concentrate on the papers in front of me. The time apart hadn’t lessened his hold over me at all. If anything it made it stronger. I wanted to ask him how the last two weeks had been. I actually wanted to know how he was.
With a sigh, I closed the folder in my lap and turned to look out the window.
We must have passed ocean and navy ships and people on the streets, but I didn’t see a thing. The only thing on my mind was what was inside the car. I felt every movement, every breath. His fingers tapped along the steering wheel. The leather squeaked when he shifted in his seat. His scent filled the closed space and made it impossible to remember why I needed to resist. He completely surrounded me.
I needed to be strong and be my own person, to prove that I controlled my path in life, but every part of me ached to feel him. I needed to regroup at the hotel before this conference, but with him so close, all my best intentions got away from me.
“Are you okay, Miss Mills?” The sound of his voice startled me and I turned to meet his hazel eyes, my stomach fluttering at the intensity behind them. How had I forgotten how long his lashes were?
“We’re here.” He motioned to the hotel, and I was surprised to see I hadn’t even noticed. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah,” I answered quickly. “Just been a long day.”
“Hmm,” he murmured, continuing to look at me. I saw his gaze flicker to my mouth, and God, I wanted him to kiss me. I missed the command of his mouth on mine, as if there were nothing in the world he wanted more than to taste me. And sometimes, I suspected that might actually be true.
As if drawn to him, I leaned forward in my seat. A hum of electricity buzzed between us, and his gaze flickered back to my eyes. He leaned in to meet me, and I could feel his hot breath against my mouth.
Suddenly my door opened and I jumped back into my seat, shocked to see the valet standing there expectantly, hand outstretched. I stepped out of the car, inhaling the air that wasn’t permeated by his intoxicating scent. The valet took the bags, and Mr. Ryan excused himself to take a phone call while I checked us in.
The hotel was packed with fellow conference attendees, and I saw several familiar faces. I had made plans to meet up with a group of other students in my program sometime on the trip. I waved to a woman I recognized; it would be great to get out with some friends while we were here. The last thing I needed was to sit alone in my hotel room and fantasize about the man down the hall.
After receiving our keys and seeing that the bellhop would take our bags to our rooms, I headed to the lounge in search of Mr. Ryan. The welcome reception was in full swing, and when I scanned the large room I found him standing next to a tall brunette. They stood close together, his head bent slightly as he listened to her.
His head blocked her face from my view, and my eyes narrowed when I noticed her hand reach up and grip his forearm. She laughed at something he’d said and he pulled away slightly, allowing me a better look.
She was beautiful, with shoulder-length, straight dark hair. As I watched, she placed something in his hand and folded his fingers around it. A strange look crossed his face as he bent his head to examine the object in his palm.
You have got to be kidding me. Did she—did she just give him her room key?
I watched for a moment more, and then something inside me snapped as he continued to stare at the key as if he was considering pocketing it. The thought of him looking at someone else with the same intensity, the thought of him wanting someone else at all, made my stomach twist with anger. Before I could stop myself, I was moving across the room until I stood beside them.
I placed my hand on his forearm, and he blinked over to me, a surprised, questioning expression on his face. “Bennett, are you ready to head upstairs?” I asked quietly.
His eyes widened and his mouth opened in shock. I’d never seen him look so utterly at a loss for words.
And then I realized: I’d never said his name before.
“Bennett?” I asked once more, and something flickered across his face. Slowly, the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile and our eyes locked for a moment.
Turning back to her, he smiled indulgently and spoke in a voice so smooth it sent a tremor through me. “Excuse us,” he said, discreetly placing her key back in her hand. “As you can see, I didn’t come here alone.”
The bright pulse of victory in my chest completely overshadowed the horror I should have been feeling. He pressed his warm hand to the small of my back as he led us out of the lounge and down the hall. But the closer we got to the elevators, the more my elation was replaced with something else. I began to panic as I realized how irrationally I had acted.
The reminder of our constant cat-and-mouse game exhausted me. How many times a year did he travel? And how often would he get a room key pressed into his palm? Would I be there every time to pull him back? If I wasn’t, would he happily skip upstairs with someone else?
And, truly, who the fuck did I think I could be to him? I shouldn’t care!
My heart was racing, the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. Three other couples joined us in the elevator, and I prayed I could make it to my room before I exploded. I couldn’t believe what I’d just done. I glanced up to see him wearing a triumphant smirk.
I took a deep breath and tried to remind myself that this was exactly why I needed to stay away. What happened down there was completely out of character for me, and completely unprofessional of both of us in such a public work setting. I wanted to scream at him, to hurt him and enrage him like he had me, but it was getting harder and harder to find the will.
We rode up in tense silence, until the last couple stepped out, leaving us alone. I closed my eyes, just trying to breathe, but of course all I could smell was him. I didn’t want him with someone else, and that feeling was so overwhelming that it took my breath away. And it was terrifying, because if I was to be honest, he could break my heart.
He could break me.
The elevator stopped and with a quiet ding, the doors opened at our floor.
“Chloe?” he prompted, his hand pressed to my back.
I turned, rushing out of the elevator.
“Where are you going?” he shouted after me. I heard his footsteps and knew there was going to be trouble. “Chloe, wait!”
I couldn’t outrun him forever. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.
Thirteen
A million thoughts ran through my mind in that second. We couldn’t keep doing this. Either this would continue or it had to stop. Now. It was interfering with my business, my sleep, my head—my fucking life.
But no matter how much I tried to kid myself, I knew what I wanted. I couldn’t let her leave.
She practically sprinted down the hall but I chased after her. “You can’t pull something like that and then expect me to just let you walk away!”
“The hell I can’t!” she yelled over her shoulder. She reached her room and fumbled with her key before shoving it into the slot.
I reached the door just as she got it open, meeting her eyes briefly before she ran in and tried to force it closed. My hand shot out, pushing it open so violently that it crashed into the wall behind it.
“
“Will you quit running from me?” I followed her, my voice echoing in the small space. “If this is about that woman downstairs—”
She looked impossibly more furious at my words and took a step toward me. “Don’t you dare go there. I have never acted like a jealous girlfriend.” She shook her head in disgust before turning to the counter and rummaging through her purse.
I stared at her she grew more and more frustrated. What else could this be about? I was completely bewildered. Her anger usually had me slammed against something and half naked by now. Here, she seemed genuinely upset. “You think I would be interested in any random woman who puts her room key in my hand? What the hell kind of man do you think I am?”
She slammed a brush on the counter, looking up at me furiously. “Are you serious right now? I know you’ve done this before. Just sex, no strings attached—I’m sure you get room keys all the time.”
I started to reply, because in all honesty I had been in relationships that were strictly about the sex, but this thing with Chloe hadn’t been just sex for a while now.
But she cut me off. “I’ve never done anything close to this and I don’t know how to navigate it anymore,” she said, her voice getting louder with each word. “But when I’m with you, it’s like nothing else matters. This . . . this thing,” she continued, gesturing between us, “this isn’t me! It’s like I turn into a different person when I’m with you, and I hate it. I can’t do it, Bennett. I don’t like who I’m becoming. I work hard. I care about my job. I’m smart. None of that would matter if people knew what was happening between us. Go find someone else.”
“I already told you, I haven’t been with anyone since we started this.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t take a room key if it’s put in your hand. What would you have done if I hadn’t been there?”
Without hesitation, I said, “Handed it back.”
But she just laughed, clearly disbelieving. “Look. This whole thing exhausts me right now. I just want to take a shower and go to bed.”
It was nearly impossible to imagine walking away from her and leaving this unresolved, but she’d already moved away and was turning on the shower. Just as I reached the door to the hall, I glanced back to where she stood, already surrounded by steam, watching me leave. And fuck if she didn’t look as conflicted as I felt.
Without thinking I crossed the room, gripped her face between my hands, and pulled her to me. When our lips met, she made a strangled sound of surrender, immediately digging her hands into my hair. I kissed her harder, claiming her sounds as my own, making her lips mine, her taste all mine.
“Let’s call a truce for one night,” I said, pressing three small kisses on her lips, one on each side and a lingering one in the middle, in the heart of her mouth “Give me all of you for one night, no holding back. Please, Chloe, I’ll leave you alone after that but I haven’t seen you in almost two weeks and . . . I just need tonight.”
She stared at me for several painful beats, clearly struggling. And then, with a quiet, pleading sound, she reached up and pulled me to her, standing on her toes to get as close as she could.
My lips were rough and unyielding but she didn’t move away, pressing her curves into me. I was lost to everything but her. We bumped into a wall, the counter, the shower door, shifting and pulling in our desperation. The room was completely filled with steam now, and nothing seemed real. I could smell, taste, and feel her, but none of it was enough.
Our kisses grew deeper, our touches wilder. I grabbed her ass, her thighs, slid my hands up and over her breasts, needing every part of her in my palms simultaneously. She pushed me back against the wall and a rush of warmth cascaded across my shoulder and down my chest, bringing me out of my haze. With our clothes still on, we had backed into the shower. We were getting soaked.
We didn’t care.
Her hands roamed my body frantically, yanking my shirt from my pants. With shaky hands she unbuttoned it, tearing off some buttons in her haste before sliding the wet fabric from my shoulders and tossing it outside the shower door.
The wet silk of her dress clung to her, accentuating every curve. I traced the fabric along her breasts, feeling her tight nipples underneath. She moaned and brought her hand to rest on mine, guiding my movements.
“Tell me what you want.” My voice was rough with need. “Tell me the things you want me to do to you.”
“I don’t know,” she whispered into my mouth. “I just want to see you come apart.”
I wanted to tell her that she was witnessing it now, and in all honesty she’d been watching it happen for weeks, but words fell away as I skimmed my hands down her sides and up under her dress. We teased and bit at each other’s mouths, the sound of the shower drowning out our moans. I slipped my hands into her panties and felt her warmth against my fingers.
Needing to see more of her, I removed my fingers and slid them up to the hem of her dress. In one movement I pulled it up and over her head and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of what lay underneath. Sweet Jesus. She was trying to kill me.
I took a step back, leaning against the shower wall for support. She stood before me, soaking wet in white lace panties that tied on the side with a satin bow. Her nipples were hard and visible beneath the matching bra, and I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to touch them.
“Fuck, you are so beautiful,” I said, running my fingertips along her taut breasts. A visible shiver ran through her and my hand traveled upward, across her collarbone, along her neck, and finally to her jaw.
We could fuck right here, wet and slippery against the tile, and maybe we would later, but right now I wanted to take my time. My heart sped up at the thought that we had an entire night ahead of us. No rushing out or hiding. No bitter fighting and guilt. We had one whole night alone and I was going to spend the entire time with her . . . in a bed.
I reached behind her and turned off the shower. She pushed against me, pressing her body further into mine. I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her deeply, my tongue sliding easily against hers. Her hips rocked against me and I pushed the shower door open, holding on to her as we stepped out.
I couldn’t seem to stop touching her skin: down her back, over the gentle curve of her backside, back up again along her sides to her breasts. I needed to feel, to taste every inch of her skin.
Our kiss never broke as we made our way out of the bathroom, stumbling clumsily while we desperately tore at our remaining clothes. I kicked off my wet shoes as I backed her into the bedroom, her hands raking along my stomach as she reached for my belt. Guiding her, I was quickly free of my pants and boxers. In a rush, I kicked them to the side, where they landed in a wet pile.
I traced along her ribs with my knuckles before sliding to the clasp of her bra, releasing it and practically ripping it off her body. Pulling her closer, I groaned into her mouth as her hard nipples grazed my chest. The tips of her wet hair tickled my hands as they roamed her naked back, felt electric against my skin.
The room was dark, the only illumination coming from the small sliver of light that crept out from the bathroom door and the moon in the night sky. The back of her knees hit the bed and my hands ran down to the last piece of clothing between us. My mouth moved from her lips, down her neck, and across her breasts and torso. I placed soft biting kisses across her stomach and finally to the white lace that hid the rest of her from view.
Sliding to my knees in front of her, I looked up and met her eyes. Her hands were in my hair, running her fingers through the messy, wet strands.
Reaching out, I took one delicate satin ribbon between my fingers and pulled, watching it slide off her hip. A look of confusion crossed her face as I continued running my fingers along the lace edge to the other side and did
She laughed, seeming to read my mind.
I guided her back so that she sat on the edge of the bed and, still kneeling in front of her, I spread her legs. Running my hands down along the silky skin of her calves, I planted kisses along her thighs and between her legs. Her taste slid around my mouth and inside my head, erasing everything else. Fuck, what this woman did to me.
Pushing her back to lie across the sheets I finally moved up to join her, running my lips and tongue along her body, her hands still tangling in my hair, guiding where she wanted me most. I slipped my thumb into her mouth, needing her sucking on me somewhere, needing my own mouth on her breasts, her ribs, her jaw.
Her sighs and moans filled the room and mingled with my own. I was harder than I could ever remember being, and I wanted to bury myself in her over and over again. I reached her mouth and dragged my wet thumb across her cheek when she pulled me down to her, every inch of our naked bodies aligned.
We kissed frantically, hands seeking and grasping as we tried to get as close as possible. Our hips rocked together, my cock sliding against her soaking heat. Each pass along her clit elicited a moan. With one tiny move, I could be deep inside.
And I wanted that more than anything, but I needed to hear something from her first. When she’d said my name downstairs, it had set something off inside me. I didn’t understand it yet, didn’t know if it meant something I wasn’t completely ready to explore, but I knew I needed her to say it, to hear it was me she wanted. I needed to know that for tonight, she was mine.
“I am fucking dying to be inside you right now,” I whispered into her ear. Her breath caught and a deep moan escaped her lips. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” she whimpered, her voice pleading and her hips rocked higher off the bed in search of me. My tip grazed her entrance and I clenched my jaw, wanting to prolong this. Her heels ran up and down my legs, finally locking around my waist. I took each of her hands and placed them above her head, entwining our fingers.