Beautiful Darkness by Kami Garcia
It had been years since he had seen or touched her.
They had only met in letters and between the covers of the books she left for him in the Tunnels. But he hadn’t seen her or heard her voice in all that time. Marian had made sure of that. She stepped through the door cut into the ceiling, the light spilling into the room. Macon’s breath caught in his throat. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Her shiny brown hair was held away from her face by a pair of red reading glasses. She smiled.
“Jane.” He hadn’t said her name aloud in such a long time. It was like a song.
“No one’s called me that since…” She looked down. “I use Lila now.”
“Of course, I knew that.”
Lila was visibly nervous, her voice shaky. “I’m sorry I had to come, but this was the only way.” She avoided his eyes. It was too painful to look at him. “What I have to tell you—it’s not something I could leave for you in the study, and I couldn’t risk sending a message through the Tunnels.”
Macon had a small study in the Tunnels, a reprieve from the self-induced exile of his solitary life in Gatlin. Sometimes Lila pressed messages between the pages of the books she left for him. The messages were never personal. They always related to her research in the Lunae Libri—possible answers to the questions they were both asking.
“It’s good to see you.” Macon took a step forward, and Lila stiffened. He looked hurt. “It’s safe. I can control the urges now.”
“It’s not that. I—I shouldn’t be here. I told Mitchell I was working late in the archive. I don’t like to lie to him.” Of course. She felt guilty. She was still as honest as Macon remembered.
“We are in an archive.”
“Semantics, Macon.”
Macon drew a heavy breath at the sound of his name from her lips. “What is so important that you would risk coming to me, Lila?”
“I’ve found something your father kept from you.”
Macon’s black eyes darkened at the mention of his father. “I haven’t seen my father in years. Not since—” He didn’t want to say what he was thinking. He hadn’t seen his father since Silas had manipulated Macon into letting Lila go. Silas and his twisted views, his bigotry against Mortals and Casters alike. But Macon didn’t mention any of that. He didn’t want to make it harder for her. “The Transformation.”
“There is something you need to know.” Lila dropped her voice, as if what she was about to say could only be spoken in whispers. “Abraham is alive.”
Macon and Lila didn’t have time to react. There was a whirring sound, and a figure materialized in the darkness.
“Bravo. She really is much smarter than I had anticipated. Lila, is it?” Abraham was clapping loudly. “A tactical error on my part, but one your sister can correct easily enough. Wouldn’t you agree, Macon?”
Macon’s eyes narrowed. “Sarafine is not my sister.”
Abraham adjusted his string tie. With his white beard and Sunday suit, he looked more like Colonel Sanders than what he was—a killer.
“There’s no need to be nasty. Sarafine is your father’s daughter, after all. It’s a shame you two can’t get along.” Abraham walked casually toward Macon. “You know, I always hoped we would have a chance to meet. I’m sure once we talk, you’ll understand your place in the Order of Things.”
“I know my place. I made my choice and Bound myself to the Light long ago.”
Abraham laughed loudly. “As if such a thing were even possible. You’re a Dark creature by nature, an Incubus. This ridiculous alliance with the Light Casters, defending Mortals—it’s inane. You belong with us, with your family.” Abraham looked at Lila. “And for what? A Mortal woman you can never be with? One who is married to another man?”
Lila knew it wasn’t true. Macon hadn’t made his choice solely because of her, but she knew she was part of the reason. She faced Abraham, mustering all the courage she possessed. “We’re going to find a way to end all that. Casters and Mortals should be able to do more than just coexist.”
Abraham’s expression changed. His face darkened, and he no longer looked like an aging Southern gentleman. He looked sinister and evil as he smiled at Macon. “Your father and Hunting—we hoped you would join us. I warned Hunting that brothers are often a disappointment. As are sons.”
Macon turned his head sharply, his face changing to mirror Abraham’s. “I am no one’s son.”
“At any rate, I can’t have you or this woman interfering with our plans. It’s unfortunate, really. You turned your back on your family because you loved this filthy Mortal, and yet she will die because you dragged her into this.” Abraham vanished, materializing in front of Lila. “Oh, well.” He opened his mouth, baring his gleaming canines.
Lila covered her head with her arms and screamed, waiting for the bite that never came. Macon materialized between them. Lila felt the weight of his body as it slammed into hers, throwing her backward. “Lila, run!”
For a second she was paralyzed, as the two of them thrashed at each other. The sound was violent, as if the earth was tearing itself apart. Lila watched as Macon threw Abraham to the ground, his guttural cries ripping through the air. Then she ran.
The sky swirled around me slowly, like someone hit REWIND. Liv must have been talking to me, because I could see her mouth forming words, but I couldn’t make them out. I closed my eyes again.
Abraham had killed my mother. She may have died by Sarafine’s hand, but it was Abraham who ordered it. I was sure of it.
“Ethan? Can you hear me?” Liv’s voice was frantic.
“I’m okay.” I pushed myself up slowly. All three of them were staring down at me, and Lucille was sitting on my chest.
I was sprawled out on the rotting walkway. “Give it to me.” Liv was trying to pry the Arclight out of my hands. “It’s acting as some kind of metaphysical channel. You can’t control it.”
I didn’t let go. It was a channel I couldn’t afford to close.
“At least tell me what happened. Who was it now? Abraham or Sarafine?” Liv put her hand on my shoulder to steady me.
“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Link stared down at me. “You okay, man?”
I blinked a few times. It was as if I was underwater, watching them through ripples. “I’m fine.”
Ridley stood up a few feet away, wiping her hands on her skirt. “Famous last words.”
Liv picked up her backpack and stood staring at the end of the almost endless dock. I pulled myself up next to her.
“This is it.” I looked at Liv. “I can feel it.”
I shivered. That’s when I noticed she was shaking, too.
6.20
Sea Change
It felt like we had been walking forever, as if the bridge in front of us only got longer the closer we got. The farther we went, the less we saw. The air became brighter and heavier and wetter, until suddenly my feet came to the edge of the weathered planks—and what appeared to be an impenetrable wall of fog.
“Is this the Great Barrier?” I squatted down, touching the place where the wood ended. My hand felt nothing. No invisible Caster stairwell. Nothing.
“Wait, what if this is like a dangerous force field or some kind of poisonous smoke?” Link pulled out his shears and gently pushed them into the mist, then yanked them back, perfectly intact. “Or maybe not. Still, pretty creepy. How do we know if we go through that we’re going to be able to come back?” As usual, Link was only saying what the rest of us were thinking.
I stood at the end of the bridge, facing the nothingness. “I’m going through.”
Liv looked insulted. “You can barely walk. Why you?”
Because this whole thing is my fault. Because Lena was my girlfriend. Because I might be a Wayward, whatever that is.
I looked away and found myself looking at Lucille, her claws digging into Ridley’s shirt. Lucille Ball was no fan of the water. “Ouch!” Ridley put her down. “Stupid cat.”
With a flick of her tail, she took off and was gone.
“Because.” Turns out, I couldn’t explain. Liv shook her head, and without waiting for anyone else, I followed Lucille into the clouds.
I was in the Great Barrier, between universes, and for one second I didn’t feel like a Caster or a Mortal. All I felt was magic.
I could feel it and hear it and smell it, the air thick with sound and salt and water. The shore at the end of the bridge was pulling at me, and I was overwhelmed with an unbearable sense of longing. I wanted to be there with Lena. More than that, I just wanted to be there. I didn’t seem to have a reason or logic for it, apart from the intensity of the longing itself.
I wanted to be there more than anything else.
I didn’t want to choose one world. I wanted to be part of both. I didn’t want to see only one side of the sky. I wanted to see it all.
I hesitated. Then I took a single step and walked out of the fog and into the unknown.
6.20
Out of the Light
Cold air hit me, sending goose bumps up my arms.
By the time I opened my eyes, the brightness and the fog had disappeared. All I could see was a blur of moonlight pouring into a hole in the jagged cave in the distance. The full moon was clear and luminous.
I wondered if I was looking at the Seventeenth Moon.
I closed my eyes and tried to experience the intense rush I’d felt the moment before, when I was between worlds.
It was there, behind everything else. The feeling. The electricity of the air, as if this side of the world was full of life I couldn’t see but could sense all around me.
“Come on.” Ridley was behind me, pulling Link, whose eyes were squeezed shut. Ridley let go of his hand. “You can open your eyes now, Super Stud.”
Liv appeared after them, breathless. “That was brilliant.” She came up beside me, barely a golden hair loose from her braids. She watched the waves crash against the rocks in front of us, her eyes sparkling. “Do you think we’re—”
I answered before she had a chance to finish. “We’ve crossed into the Great Barrier.”
Which meant Lena was here somewhere, and so was Sarafine.
And who knows what else.
Lucille was sitting on a rock, casually licking her paw. I saw something next to her, snagged between two rocks.
It was Lena’s necklace.
“She’s here.” I bent down to pick it up, my hand shaking uncontrollably. I had never seen her without it, not once. The silver button was shining through the sand, the wire star caught in the loop where she had wrapped the red string. These weren’t just her memories. They were our memories, everything we had shared since we met. The evidence of every happy moment she’d ever experienced in her life. Tossed aside like all the other lost bits of broken shells and tangled seaweed that washed up on the beach.
If it was some kind of sign, it wasn’t good.
“Did you find something, Short Straw?”
Reluctantly, I opened my hand and held it out for them to see. Ridley gasped. Liv didn’t recognize the necklace. “What is it?”
Link looked at the ground. “It’s Lena’s necklace.”
“Maybe she lost it,” Liv said innocently.
“No!” Ridley’s voice was rising. “Lena never took it off. Not once in her whole life. She couldn’t have lost it. She would’ve noticed the second it slipped off.”
Liv shrugged. “Maybe she noticed. Maybe she didn’t care.”
Ridley lunged at Liv, Link holding her back by her waist. “Don’t say that! You don’t know anything! Tell her, Short Straw.”
But even I didn’t know anymore.
As we picked our way along the shore, we approached a rocky line of uneven coastal caves. Tidewater pooled in their sandy floors, and jagged rock walls kept everything in shadow. The pathway between the rocks seemed to be leading us toward a particular cave. The ocean crashed around us, and I felt like it could wash us away in a second.
There was real power here. The rock was humming under my feet, and even the light of the moon seemed alive with it.
I jumped from one rock to the next until I was high enough to see past the rocky outcroppings of the coastal caves. The others climbed after me, trying to keep up.
“There.” I pointed at a large cavern, just beyond the caves surrounding us. The moon was shining directly above it, illuminating an enormous jagged crack in the ceiling.
And something else.
In the moonlight, I could barely make out figures moving in the shadows. Hunting’s Blood pack. There was no mistaking them.
No one said anything. This wasn’t a mystery to solve anymore. It was quickly becoming reality. It was a cave most likely filled with Dark Casters, Blood Incubuses, and a Cataclyst.
All we had was each other and the Arclight.
The realization hit Link hard. “Face it. The four of us are dead.” He looked down at Lucille, who was licking her paws. “With one dead cat.”
He had a point. From what we could see, there was only one way in or out. The entrance to the cave was heavily guarded, and what waited inside was likely to be an even more formidable threat.
“He’s right, Ethan. My uncle’s probably in there with his boys. Without my powers, we’re not going to survive the Blood pack again. We’re useless Mortals. All we had going for us was that stupid shiny stone.” Ridley kicked at the wet sand, as hopeless as ever.
“Not useless, Rid.” Link sighed. “Just Mortals. You’ll get used to it.”
“Shoot me if I do.”
Liv stared out at the sea. “Maybe this is as far as we can go. Even if we could get past the Blood pack, to take on Sarafine would be…” Liv didn’t finish, but we all knew what she was thinking.
A death wish. Insanity. Suicide.
I looked out into the wind, the darkness, and the night.
Where are you, L?
I could see the moonlight pouring into the cave. Lena was out there somewhere waiting for me. She didn’t answer, but that didn’t stop me from reaching for her.
I’m coming.
“Maybe Liv’s right, and we should think about goin’ back. Gettin’ some help.” I noticed Link’s breathing was labored. He had been trying to hide it, but he was still in pain.
I had to own up to what I was doing to my friends, the people who cared about me. “We can’t go back. I mean, I can’t.”
The Seventeenth Moon wasn’t going to wait, and Lena was running out of time. The Arclight brought me here for a reason. I thought about what Marian said at my mother’s grave when she gave it to me.
In Light there is Dark, and in Dark there is Light.
It was something my mom used to say. I pulled the Arclight out of my pocket. It was turning a brilliant green, incredibly bright. Something was happening. As I turned it over and over in my hands, I remembered everything. It was all there, looking back at me from the surface of the stone.
Sketches of Ravenwood and Macon’s family tree, spread across my mother’s table in the archive.
I stared at the Arclight, seeing things for the first time. As I did, images rose to the surface of my mind, and the stone.
Marian handing me my mother’s most treasured possession, standing between the graves of two people who finally found a way to be together.
Maybe Ridley was right. All we had going for us was this stupid shiny stone.
Then a ring, twisting on a finger.
Mortals alone were no match for Dark power.
A picture of my mother, in the shadows.
Could the answer have been in my pocket all along?
And a pair of black eyes that reflected back my own.
We weren’t alone. We never were. The visions had laid it all out for me from the beginning. The images vanished as suddenly as they had appeared, replaced by words, the second I thought them.
&nbs
“The Arclight—it’s not what we thought.” My voice echoed off the rock walls surrounding us.
Liv was surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s not a compass. It never was.”
I held it up so they could all see. As we watched, the Arclight shone, brighter and brighter, until it was eclipsed in a perfect circle of light. Like a tiny star. I could no longer see the stone within the light.
“What is it doing?” Liv breathed.
The Arclight, which I took so innocently from Marian at my mother’s grave, wasn’t an object of power, not for me.
It was for Macon.
I held the Arclight up higher. In the iridescent moonlight of the shallow tidal cave, the dark water around my feet glittered. Even the tiniest flecks of quartz studded in the rock walls caught the light. In the darkness, the sphere seemed to ignite. I could see the glow of the round, pearlized surface revealing the swirling colors of a hidden interior. Violet churned into somber greens, then burst into vibrant yellows, which deepened into oranges and reds. In that second, I understood.
I wasn’t a Keeper, or a Caster, or a Seer.
I wasn’t like Marian or my mother. It wasn’t for me to keep the lore and the history or protect the books and the secrets that made up so much of the Caster world. I wasn’t like Liv, charting the uncharted, measuring the immeasurable. I wasn’t Amma. It wasn’t for me to see what no one else could or to communicate with the Greats. More than anything, I was nothing like Lena. I couldn’t eclipse the moon, bring down the skies, or kick up the earth. I could never convince anyone to jump off a bridge, like Ridley could. And I was nothing like Macon.
In the back of my mind, I had been searching for how I fit into the story, my story with Lena. Hoping I could fit into it at all.