Betrayal: Book Three of Allies and Adversaries by Kevin Gordon
The smell of frying meat filled the room, a room only recently christened with people, and their ways. It hung low in a thin smoke, getting into clothes, onto counters, working its way through the small dwelling until it worked its way deep into the mouth and throat of an impatient, tired woman, driving her mad with hunger.
“Damn, don’t burn it!”
He kept his eyes on the pan, watching the fat caramelize, the sizzle of oil spattering on his hand, keeping him awake. He lifted it, peeking under to see how brown it was, then let it rest, turning down the heat a little. A quick glance to the toaster, its glowing coils eagerly browning pastry within. He could just smell it.
About a mroa more.
For some reason, cooking brought him some peace. He always cooked for the family, at first for practical reasons, as Nemosini was always out on missions. Soon it was a task turned to pleasure, a facet of his life that he had control over. At least, it gave him pleasure until lately.
“It smells done Nulin. Bring it over, I’m hungry!”
He ignored her, knowing it took a little longer to make it done, otherwise, she’d get a little sick, and the Iganinagi couldn’t afford one of its Coss getting sick all over the little babies and children they were slaughtering.
“Dammit!”
Her fist pounded the table, and she stormed into the small kitchen. There was barely enough room for one, but she wedged her way in, pushing him aside. The walls bowed a little, the sound of metal echoing through the room, her muscular and sharp-edged arms jutting into his body, a pain he absently ignored. She turned the pan, moving him aside.
“It’s done! See, look at the bottom! Are you dumb or something!” she shouted, her mouth next to his ear.
“You want it? You want it now?!”
“Yes dammit, that’s what I’ve been telling you for the past five mroas now.” She went back to the table, shaking out a napkin, picking up her fork and knife. “Get it on the damn plate—I’m hungry!”
She smelled of blood and death to Nulin, her husband. Nemosini took a long shower, yet it still clung to her, a second skin that made her feel like a corpse. Sometimes, the few times they would have sex, her grunting on him, slapping him a couple of times, he had to do everything not to throw up, he felt like he was being fucked by the dead. She slammed her fists again on the table, looking like a very old, petulant child. He picked up the meat with a fork, and threw it on her plate, the gristle and oil spattering her clothes.
“There’s your damn meat.” He turned, and pulled out the pastry from the toaster, slamming it on her plate. “And your damn bread.”
She sighed deeply. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at her with eyes that had heard it too many times before, a little ritual they went through that had no meaning left. He felt even now that they were words said automatically, the same way she said ‘thank you’ or ‘please.’
“I know.”
“It’s those damn ‘RECs,” she said, cutting into her food. “They keep on hunting us. It’s getting harder and harder to hit our targets. We lose too many, and accomplish too little.”
He sat down across from her as she shoved the morsels into her mouth, gnashing and swallowing in one quick motion, the sounds of even her feeding nauseating Nulin.
“You know it’s not easy for those who live here,” he said, turning away. “Crime is on the rise ever since we relocated. I worry about our children, every time they go outside to school or to play. I’ve forbidden Minnlis from going outside without someone but Jay is too old for that, and too many of our people are losing focus.” It had been three dcas since this cell had settled, deeper in the bowels of Foundation, and Nemosini felt it still was too early to begin venturing on Core. Many were suffering from cabin fever and were growing anxious to get out of the gloom and filth. “The people need to get out, at least once in a while.”
“And what? Get out, and get killed? Think straight. At least they’re alive.”
“Sometimes it’s not enough to live.”
She looked at him, with knowing eyes. “Sometimes it’s not.”
He looked back, with knowing eyes. She coughed, and went back to her food, speaking as she chewed.
“You worry too much, the people are fine!” cried Nemosini. “Come up with a festival or something. Get Kleder, and get that damn grill going, and have a feast. Stop whining, and do something about it.”
He looked at her, this animal-machine consuming the food without tasting, without breathing. Many times he thought on how she had changed over the cas—all her charm, her beauty, fading with ever emdec she fired, with every body burned or buried by her hands. He had forgotten what love was, at least until recently, when he started spending time with Sullise. He just had to wait, a little longer, until she was a little older, before he could separate from Nemosini, and join with Sullise. As it was they had to meet in secret, in the shadows, consummating their lust away from the judgment of others. She was so kind, so sweet, he had forgotten he used to despise those qualities in women, forgotten he mated with Nemosini because of her strength, because of her confidence and aggression.
No, it was the balance I loved. So strong with others yet so tender with me. Only with me.
There was a time when they spent every free moment with each other, as they raised Jaylind. When Aiella still walked through each cell, working with her Coss, Nemosini would talk of the day’s struggles with Nulin, and he would speak of Jaylind’s first words, or what was going well in the community. They would go down, together, the three of them, and wash their clothes with the other families, and spend the day and early evening talking of their hopes for the future, what they dreamed their children would become. She depended on him for his words of kindness and support, and he on her for words of optimism and hope.
Then Minnlis was born, and it all changed. Not at first, while the glow of another newborn radiated from their home brightly, a beacon for all to see. But soon after, when things got more difficult, cooking and feeding two little mouths. More excuses would come from Nemosini, about being unable to make it home, needing to stay undercover, or finish a covert mission. It became harder for Nulin to take all the clothes down to wash alone, harder to keep track of Jay, as she increasingly started to explore, and become rebellious. Finally, for Nulin’s birthroa, Nemosini moved the family into a better house, with a better stove, larger rooms, and a stolen stash of maintenance micrometa, to clean. No longer would she need to go with Nulin to wash the clothes, no longer would she need to help with chores around the house. Nulin thanked her, and cursed her at the same time, knowing she did it just to get away from him, distance herself from the commitment and obligation of family.
The pain welled in him for a moment, remembering those times, bringing a tear to his eyes that he quickly wiped away.
“I need to leave.”
She watched him get some things, and head out the door. Even after it shut, she kept looking at the door, thinking of his face, and better times. She looked down at the rest of the meat, growing cold. She knew it was a little underdone, and knew she would be a little sick this roa.
Sometimes he just sickens me. The way he talks, the way he stands, without looking over his shoulder, or being aware what’s around him. He wouldn’t last a til out there, with us, fighting the TELREC.
They tried hard to punish the TELREC for the death of Ksilte and the destruction of their headquarters—Theia commanded that. They managed to get a database of families of some of the TELREC stationed on Novan. In three roas they had fifty children, most not even old enough to cast. They rigged a line into the cast-net and beheaded them all, stepping on the heads until they were flat and bloody. Nemosini knew the TELREC would hunt down the families of those in SC-1, and knew they would be killed, but the faces of those children still haunted her. She burned the boots she wore that roa, yet even now she took off her new boots whenever she entered her house.
“Dad?”
She started eating again, putting on the pret
ense that everything was normal. Her daughter Jaylind came into the room, throwing open the door, looking around, almost not noticing her mother.
“Where’s Dad?”
“He left. Are you ready for school?”
“Why did he leave?”
Nemosini slammed the fork on the table. “Does it matter?”
“Why did Dad leave?!” Jay yelled those words, spittle flying from her mouth, her eyes open, wide, and to Nemosini increasingly judgmental. Nemosini struggled to control her body, so trained it was to act in an instant to conflict. For a moment she tried to search Jay’s mind, to find out what was bothering her now, but it was closed, her thoughts buried deep down.
I wish I had never taught her that. She has a powerful mind, and has become too good at hiding her thoughts from me. Me! And I’ve interrogated the best of them. Well, like mother, like daughter.
“Don’t yell at me,” said Nemosini, pointing a finger at her daughter.
Jay paced around the room, hungry, but unwilling to sit down at the same table as her mother. She had to see her enough during the roa, working in the same groups, constructing building after building until all her body was worn down, her mother barking orders like a drill sergeant, expecting twice from Jay what she did from the others. And if that wasn’t bad enough, to see Themis come over and cesct with her, and see her smile again, only for him. Jay didn’t know when she began to hate her, but she hated her now for all the work, for the relocation, for what she was doing with Themis.
“Why do we have to be down here?” demanded Jay. “Because of you. You and this hatred of our people.”
Nemosini flew up, her fist clenched on the table. “I don’t hate our people, I love them, along with all us who fight to save them!”
“By killing children? Children like Minn? I saw that broadcast!”
Nemosini sighed, turning her head away, pain filling her skull, throbbing and thick. “I told you never to watch that. I warned you when we would broadcast.”
“Why? Other children can be proud of what their parents do, why can’t I?!” cried Jay. “Because what you do is so despicable, it sickens dad, and me, and it would Minn if she knew.”
“Don’t you ever tell her!” screamed Nemosini, pounding her fist on the table.
“Oh I won’t. Unlike you, I care about her.”
Jaylind threw open the door and ran out, Nemosini watching her leave, and even after the door shut, she still looked out after her.
Something has got to change.
Jaylind was a child of the Iganinagi, but she always knew she was not one of them. She didn’t respect her father—always caring for children in the province, organizing, making speeches. She thought of her father as weak, and when she heard he was spending time with another woman, she knew for sure how weak he was. How weak all men always were. Though the Novans may not have cared about multiple partners, the Iganinagi were simpler, they spent time with one another, and relationships meant something to them. And yet she couldn’t blame her father, for her mother was so strong, and she was spending more time with Themis. She was a warrior unlike most others—able to lead others into battle, vicious, and resourceful. Jay had heard of her exploits since she was old enough to understand speech. She loomed large in her life, a father figure who was not a father. She couldn’t blame her father for wanting someone else, someone more . . . feminine. The past few cas had gotten worse, as she bossed him around more. He just took it—the hard words, the insults, even the things thrown in his face. Jaylind could hear them sometimes having sex, heard the pounding on the wall, heard the grunts that were not made by her father. Her mother was like an animal sometimes, and Jaylind hated her for it.
People come up to me and say ‘wow, you’re Nemosini’s daughter; I’ll bet you’ll make your mother proud,’ while dad would be right there, a nobody. Everyone says how cool it must be to have a mother like mine. I’d give anything just to be a regular person, just a Novan.
She always liked to explore, and this roa was no different. School may have been starting, but Jaylind needed to find a way to Core, a way out of the compound. She often ventured to Core from their old location, spending droas walking the streets, seeing the people absorbed on the cast-net, even taking Minnlis with her once in a while. She wished she could be one of them, and leave this sad life behind.
I may call them the ‘stupids,’ and yet, they don’t kill little children. They don’t live in this disgusting hole, forced to work every waking droa.
The new home she was forced to live in was dark, damp and putrid. Situated between two ancient waste refinement processors, they had yet to procure an air purification system small enough to take down there. The move was a hasty one form their old cell and they left most of their personal effects behind. The technology was the most important thing—technology to break into the cast-net, to modify meta, to fight the TELREC, so most of the homes were made out of the material nearby. As Jaylind walked down the central road, she saw dozens of welding lasers punctuating the darkness with a firework of light, casting illumination on those who toiled endlessly to fashion their people a new and decent home. Deep down, Jaylind knew they meant well, that soon things would be back to normal, or at least close to normal. But a large part of her wished she had a real life, like other Novans. One of relaxation and pleasure, not filled with visions of headless children and crying, begging men.
The path she walked straddled the village, an arbitrary one made as they built houses and shanties radiating out from the center. Her belly rumbled, and she cursed herself for running out before she had a chance to grab some breakfast.
I could have tolerated her shit for a little bit.
Jay sat down, watching life go by in the cell. She slouched down in her tan baggy pants, making them ride up on her like a sock, pulling her oversized shirt together in a bundle, getting a little warmth. It was cold down there, always cold, and the climate machines hadn’t yet been assembled. The only time she felt warm was in front of a small fire, or when . . .
There she is.
In the distance, a few of her fellow classmates walked by. Mostly girls, a few boys were lagging behind, making fun of this or that. A proud, preening girl led the way, but Jay’s eyes followed a small, thin thing, always looking around. Her small feet stumbled over this stone or that, her head always turning up or around, fear and anxiety worn like favorite clothes. Jay noticed her about a cas ago, one of those stolen glances that she returned, them both smiling, turning back quickly. The girl always wore thick, black clothes, bundled around her. Jay walked close to her once, brushing against a forearm mistakenly left exposed. The softness was like an aphrodisiac to Jay, and the girl seemed to like it too. They stole glances and smiled at each other, but neither had the courage to make an advance. Jay was working up the nerve when the resettlement occurred. It had been a full dcas since last she saw that girl. In a few moments her classmates walked out of view, leaving Jay with the image of the girl in her mind; her eyes, her hair, her delicious body wrapped up, buried in a tomb of clothes. Jay’s house had a small basement—it was one of the few structures already built when they arrived. The basement was close, and dark, and Jay longed to take this girl down there.
Sullise . . . sweet Sullise.
There were few innocent moments among the Iganinagi children, for most of their free time was spent learning how to fight with a blade, a projectile weapon, or learning the foundations of mental resistance and combat. The classroom was the only place any social activity happened. Jay thought for a moment of going to class, trying to sit next to Sullise, maybe stealing a few moments alone with her, out back, under the pretense of going to an outhouse. But something else won, the call of the unexplored, this new section of Core the cell was now close to. She got up and moved quickly out of its boundaries. She couldn’t help but draw a little attention as she went.
“Hello Jay!”
“Hello.”
It was Prodal, a well-known meta technician
. Jay hurried by, her head down, trying to avoid conversation. She started going behind the remaining shanties, hugging the shadows, but even that was not enough.
“Hey Jay! How’s your mom!”
It was Vel-Prin, a woman in charge of the perimeter defenses, carrying some weaponry.
“Good,” she answered brusquely, with a quick wave. She never could escape the adulation of her mother, and her conspicuousness as her daughter. Jay went slower now, avoiding the sounds of people.
I just want to get out of here.
She crouched and made her way quickly around some storage containers, but suddenly bumped into a large man, carrying several burlap sacks.
“Ho Jay!” he cried, as he recovered his balance. “Where you off to?”
“Nowhere.”
It was Kleder, a man who Jaylind knew since she was a child. He made the most spectacular dinners, cobbled together with leftovers of leftovers. He was part of the fabric of this cell, a man who worked hard, with Jaylind’s father, to keep morale high. He owned the community grill—a fixture that had become the centerpiece of every gathering. Everyone would sit around the glowing coals, roasting food, drinking, and sharing of their roa’s work, of their family, of their hopes and dreams. Jay spent many an droa next to him, laughing at his jokes, even falling asleep on his great round belly. Jay knew he never fought any battles, never did anything great, but she respected him more than anyone else. He set down his sacks, plopping them on the ground, bringing up a cloud of dust. He laughed, and beat it off his clothes. Jay tried to walk away, but Kleder came up beside her, keeping pace.
“What’s wrong, tough one? You look worse than I’ve ever seen you.”
“You know I hate that name.”
“I’m so terribly sorry, Jaylind Rosstel,” he said dramatically, with a half-frown, a half smile, and a slight bow, that finally brought a reluctant smile to Jay’s face. “Now, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Of course it’s something!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air. “You remember you used to tell me everything. I remember that time you got into that fighter your mom stole, and messed it up good! Why, that thing almost exploded, and woulda taken you, and half the cell with it!” He clapped Jay on the back, laughing heartily, but to no response. “Come on, Jay, it’s not that bad. I know it smells down here. But that’s only because I haven’t had a chance to fire up the grill yet! When I do, and you get some nice, hot food in your belly—”
“I just don’t feel like it.”
Kleder stopped, and grabbed Jay by the shoulders.
“Jay, you’re almost a woman now, so it’s about time somebody spoke to you like a woman, like an adult. I know things are wrong in your family. I know you’ve heard just about everything that’s going on. I can’t say if I like it or not—it’s not my place to pass judgment. You mom, well, she’s got a lot on her plate. It’s not right that she doesn’t spend time with you and your little sister, and I know it means little that she’s helping others, but that’s the way it is. Novan kids barely talk to their parents, barely know they exist, so you are lucky to have what you have. And your dad, well, he’s always been there for you, I know that. But right now, he’s going through some hard times, and he needs you now, more than ever. Even if he is doing something wrong, it’s not mine, or your place to pass judgment. Just to be there, when he realizes what the right path is. You understand?”
Jay looked up in to Kleder’s eyes, eyes she had known for so long that always made her feel better, safer. There were few people she would call a friend, and Kleder was one of them.
“I suppose.”
Kleder sighed with a faint smile, knowing he only reached a little of her.
“One roa, you’ll understand what it means to be an adult. Life gets more complicated than you could imagine. Some of those kids think that going out and killing people is fun, and they cheer when they hear how many ‘RECs were killed. But when you’re an adult, when you’ve grown up all those cas, learned all those things, laughed with so many people, shared good and bad times with them, well, it hurts real deep to see someone lose their life. To know they will never smile, will never laugh again. And to know that you were responsible. Your mom, she’s gotten used to killing, but I see how it affects her. She’s got children, and I know it hurts her to rob other children of their fathers, and mothers. I’ve sat with her many a night, as she would cry into my arms.”
“Mom?” she asked, with genuine surprise.
“Yes, your mom! That strong woman warrior we call our Coss, has those moments. She may not act it, but she feels pain greater than you or I can imagine. And she does it all for us.”
“I’ve heard that before,” grumbled Jay.
“I know, I know, like I said, one roa you’ll understand. I might be a little more sentimental than the rest of them here, but I also might be a touch smarter.” Kleder laughed softly, looking Jay up and down, remembering not so long ago how small she was, and how much happier. He thought that she was just this little girl who would run around, chasing after her mother, hiding behind her father’s legs. The memory almost brought a tear to his eye. “But, enough preachin’ for now. I’m not a Rell, and neither are you. Keep an eye out, wherever you go. Trouble comes in all shapes and sizes.”
“Thanks.”
Jaylind stumbled on, leaving the activity of the cell behind, tracing the path the cell came in by. Making her way slowly, up service corridors, up ladders and rusty, barely-functioning lifts, she slowly ascended to Core. The light grew brighter the higher she went; the air was cleaner and less filled with dust. The words Kleder spoke to her stayed with her, softening her anger.
It always seems better after I talk with him.
She turned a corner leading to an open platform—the most open area on the path leading between the cell and Core. Nemosini had remarked on the way down that it would be a perfect staging area for ‘RECs if they were to ever assault the cell. Up ahead, Jay could see a crew installing some defensive weaponry, a contingency for such an occurrence. One of them raised his hand.
“Ho Jay!”
Damn.
Out of the twenty or so people, one stood and ran over. A large man, he was covered with dirt and grime, his clothes motley with badges of jobs done and done well. He beamed with a wide smile, gentle and kind.
“Hey tough one!” cried Themis, the Coss of cell twelve. “Where you goin’?”
“Around.”
“What do you mean ‘around?’” he demanded. “You know it’s more dangerous the farther away from the cell you go. Besides, there’s still a lot that needs to be done. You know that.”
Jay looked at him with angry eyes, her arms crossed over her small, budding chest, tossing what little hair she had back over her shoulders. Themis casually returned her angry gaze. He put his hands on his belt, squaring up, looking as the battalion leader he was.
“Come on, tough one, what’s wrong?”
Jay’s scowl deepened to eyes of hate.
“You don’t wanna to speak to me?” he asked, putting his hand on Jay’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” she spat, recoiling in disgust.
“Dammit girl, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t touch me! You can touch my mom, but don’t touch me!”
Themis sighed. “Jay, I know—”
“You know what it’s doing to my dad?” she demanded, shedding a few angry tears. “My real dad? Just because you kill babies with my mother, you two think you’re above it all, better than everyone else. That you can go around and fuck anyone—”
“Watch your mouth—”
“—anyone you feel like!” she yelled, attracting some attention from the others. “In my dad’s house, in his bed! I’ve seen you wait until he leaves, until he goes out and tries to help people, you fucking murderer! Shit you damn fuck!”
“Jaylind!” His voice bellowed, like he was giving battle orders. “I will not tolerate words like
that from you.”
“Or what? What’ll you do?” More tears ran down her face. “Kill me? Cut off my head, and stomp it into dust, and wash the blood off your boots? Cut off my father’s head? Go away, and leave my mother alone!”
Jay ran fast, heedless of Themis’ cries, heading higher and higher to Core. She calmed down, and made the rest of the journey thinking on her hatred of Themis, and the rest of her people.
I wish . . . I wish I could just leave! Leave them all behind, even my dad. I hate them. Themis thinks he is so good, so perfect fighting, but he’s no better. No better than anyone. I’ll bet my mother wouldn’t even cry if I died. She’d just sigh, and be glad I was gone. The daughter who wouldn’t follow in her footsteps.
Jaylind never liked to fight, or play with the guns that were an ever present fixture in the cell. Unknown to Nemosini, she saw one of their terrorist broadcasts, when she was barely seven cas old. They always had an AV unit—a small device that translated a minute portion of the cast-net into video and audio for those without implants, mostly children. Even now, Minnlis watched it constantly. Jay remembered seeing her mother, Themis and a few others on it, standing over ten men—CRODAM officers—who participated in a coordinated attack on one of their cells. The men were kneeling, their hands behind their backs, sobbing uncontrollably.
They were strong men too, she thought, recalling the memory. Anyone could see they weren’t the regular fools CRODAM has. They looked like they could fight, and there they were, on their knees, begging for their lives.
The Iganinagi forced them to say their names, their positions in CRODAM. Nemosini was there, and she read aloud the crimes they were accused of.
“These men have betrayed our people! They ruthlessly cut down the liberators who sought to free our people from the TELREC overseers. There can be no pity for men such as these, no compassion! No mercy for collaborators of any kind. The Novan people must be awakened, and see how we are being pitted against each other.”
Each of the Iganinagi stood behind a captive, and raised a long, waved sword.
“Such shall perish all enemies of the Novan people!”
Each grabbed the heads of the men kneeling, pulling their faces up. Jay could see the tears streaming down their faces, hear the sobbing. It was the first time she ever saw something like that, and though she couldn’t turn away, she could feel that for every moment she watched, some part of her died.
“Aiella!”
They struck down with the sword, piercing their bodies just under the heart. They had done this many times before, and knew just where to strike. They kept holding the prisoner’s heads high as they convulsed, dying slowly. Jay remembered crawling into a corner, rocking back and forth, crying for what seemed like an eternity. Her mother came back later that roa, all smiles, kissing Nulin, lifting Minnlis high in the air—she was just born a little while before. She reached over to give Jay a hug, and she returned it, but from that roa on she looked at her mother through different eyes.
Kleder was right. It takes something away from yourself, when you kill someone. I could never do that. Never. I could never be like my mother. I could never be with a man like my mother. How I hate them. Dirty and stupid, that’s what they are. The boys in her class always tried their advances on her, realizing what a prize it would be to mate with the daughter of the Coss. They show off their muscles, show off their guns. They slap each other around, and think I would like that?
Soon she was on Core, standing on a street like so many others, filled with nameless faces absently walking to and fro, linked by an unseen web of pleasure and depravity. They walked as the living dead around her, their aspect closed and distant, their limbs navigated by their CMS systems. None of them noticed Jay; none even noticed that it was roa instead of night, warm instead of cold. The first time Jay saw Novans like this they frightened her, reminding her of some Iganinagi who were damaged mentally by the TELREC, becoming devoid of conscious thought, their bodies kept alive by a heart that pumped without a soul. They stumbled around, cared for by parents and spouses too sentimental to grant them a final mercy. They loomed large in Jay’s nightmares, their soulless eyes staring at her, accusing her of some nameless deed she’d forgotten. Even now, she’d rather push her way through the crowds, rather than look in those dark and distant eyes.
I wonder what province I’m in now, she thought to herself, looking around. Ah well. There’s always someplace nice, not too far away.
She began to wander around, looking at the sights, taking in the tall buildings, the ships sailing fast overhead, the angry thoughts of Themis and men fading away. It was a grey roa, when the buildings seemed to merge into the sky, and the people undulated through a murky skin. Jaylind took some back alleys, looking all around, wary of predators that lurked for the weak and stupid. Little did she know she had already caught one predator’s attention.
That must be for illegal drugs. There were several people loitering around the front of an entrance, dazedly looking up into the sky with vacuous expressions tinged with a certain panic. She could tell they must have been on lleldin. She had been on Core several times, and had learned much in her travels. She couldn’t understand why anyone would want to distance themselves from the cast-net. I can’t get on, and all they want to do is get off. What a cruel world. She walked further down, seeing more curious storefronts. That must be a genehancement clinic. Then she turned a corner, leading to a tight alley, sloping down a little. Ahh, now that looks good.
She stopped in front of a store with two large windows on either side of an old, dirty grey door. In one, a naked man was seated, pleasuring himself, his eyes shut, his mind linked into the cast-net. On the other side, in front of Jay, an old woman did the same thing, her breasts flaccid, her skin clammy and wrinkled. Jay was at once disgusted, and excited; she couldn’t take her eyes off the woman as she ran her hand between her legs, back and forth, slipping in for a moment, then out, going along her thighs. The woman moaned, then cupped one of her breasts softly and opened her eyes. Jay became self-conscious and went back in front of the man, as she felt it was more expected for her to do. He looked stupid to her, playing with that part of his body, moaning and gyrating.
Jay had tried to be with some boys in her cell, most within the past cas. Though homosexuality was accepted, even encouraged in Novan society, the Iganinagi were much more focused on the act of procreation, and the denial of excess pleasure. In extreme cases homosexuals were banished—exiled to the general Novan population, their memories wiped of anything about the Iganinagi. Jay realized she was different a few cas ago, felt urges building within her that boys could not satisfy. They seemed clumsy and stupid to her, interested in showing off their muscles, acting tough. Maybe it was because of her mother, but she had no need to be with someone tough. Sex with them was a painful, selfish affair, with all the attention focused on them. She saw how they treated the girls she knew. They grunted and groaned, fucking somewhere dark, going through motions like a senseless beast. They expected to be pleased—their egos, as well as the rest of them, stroked and admired. She felt the most excitement being around a few of her female classmates—the close talking, the intimate conversations. But she never acted on it, for though she hated her mother, she could not bring that kind of disgrace on her family. The man behind the window opened his eyes, smiling at her as he came on his hands.
“That’s disgusting.”
The voice startled Jay, and she almost fell over her heels. She turned, and a young girl was standing next to her. About the same age, she was a little shorter than Jay, thin, with a tight, sheer shirt and thick orange pants. She moved closer to the window, looking at the naked man turn towards her and smile.
“Can you believe that?”
“Uhh . . . what?” asked Jaylind, unsure of what to do.
“Don’t you see him doing that?”
She turned, but the man looked the same.
“What do you mean?”
The girl look
ed at Jay quickly. “You don’t have an implant, do you?”
Jay turned crimson with embarrassment. She knew one roa this would come up, and struggled to remember her pre-planned excuses.
“Well, no, I mean, something went wrong with it, and it’s being fixed. How did you know?”
“No one with an implant just looks into a window like that,” said the girl with a wry smile. “And no one as old as you speaks as well as you do unless they’ve never had an implant. Do you have a low MPR?”
Jay heard somewhere about that. “Yeah.”
The girl nodded, and shrugged her shoulders. She had a way about her that kept Jay’s attention—at once disinterested, yet interested at the same time. She was nothing like most of the girls back in the cell. They were very boyish, using her mother as a role model—challenging the boys at everything, lifting weights, endless competitions in weaponry and physical prowess. She reminded her of Sullise, with a little more muscle, and much more mystery.
“My name’s Anies.”
“My name’s Jay.”
Anies reached out her hand, and Jay took it, looking in her eyes as they shook hands. She seemed soft to Jay, yet direct, in an unchallenging way. Anies walked over in front of the woman, who noticed her, and started performing for her.
“Mmm . . . I like that.”
Jay looked at Anies, transfixed by her beauty, and her directness. She stood next to Anies, watching the old woman perform.
“She’s kinda gross,” said Anies, “but she knows what to do with her hands.”
Jay looked down, and saw the old woman move her fingers in and out, dancing for a while around the opening, around her thighs. For a moment her age didn’t exist, and she became aroused just watching her movements. Anies stood close to her, the bare skin of her arm touching Jay’s. Never before had she felt desire so raw, felt excitement so sweet. Anies smiled.
“You are so sweet! But your thoughts are too open.”
Jay remembered, and closed off her mind.
“No, no, don’t do that,” said Anies gently. “I like to nest what you are thinking.”
She turned to face Jay, their bodies moving closer. Jay felt so hot, so nervous, hoping the moment would never end.
“Why were you looking at that man?”
“I don’t know,” shrugged Jay. “I thought I should.”
Anies laughed. “He’s so big! And so stupid.”
Jay looked back at the man, sprawled out on the chair, his arms the size of her legs.
“I know,” Jay said pausing, thinking for a moment. “Where I come from, some things aren’t allowed.”
“What are you, Rell?”
“No.”
Anies took Jay’s hand. “I like . . . softness.”
“So do I.”
Anies waited a moment, her lips coming closer to Jay’s, then her face lighting up in a wide smile.
“Have you ever been on the cast-net?” she asked quickly, the words tumbling out.
“No.”
Anies was positively jumping in place, her happiness conquering Jay’s depression. She looked as if she might burst, and Jay chuckled silently watching her.
“Do you want to?”
“How?” asked Jay, catching some of her excitement.
“Come on!”
Anies ran quick, practically yanking Jay behind her. Jay had trouble keeping up with her, as her eyes were distracted by all the unfamiliar sights. They wove in-between the people on the streets, bumping into some, but no one seemed to care as they were too engrossed in the cast-net. As they ran, Anies’ short skirt fell down some, revealing the lower part of her back, that sweet, smooth spot that gradually turns into a fleshy divide. Her mind became consumed with lust, and Anies’ flirtatious eyes stoked the flames higher in her mind than ever before. So despite her training as the daughter of a Coss of the Iganinagi, Jay’s eyes glossed over the landmarks that would have led her home, just as her mind glossed over the blaring sirens warning her of a trap.
Eventually after what seemed an eternity to Jay, Anies stopped, let go her hand, and ran down stairs to a shop. Jay slowly descended and ventured inside, scanning the room carefully to try to get her bearings. It was dark, but not seedy. The floor was swept and clean, the chairs, though worn, shined in a dim light that spoke of ‘mitters old and worn. Anies looked over to a man behind a counter, Jay seeing she must have cast something to him. Of thin build but with a small belly, his eyes never met Anies’, they kept looking into space. Behind him was a large glass-enclosed cabinet, with hundreds of small devices in them. He gave her one of those small plastic and metal devices, and Anies took Jay’s hand, motioning her to sit at some chairs nearby.
“Come and sit.”
Jay looked around, and saw a few other people in chairs nearby. They smelled, even to her, a child of the Iganinagi, who had little water available for bathing, and no CMS system that would control her odor.
“You don’t smell, at least not bad, so don’t worry.” Anies said softly, seeming to sense Jay’s thoughts. “Now sit back.”
Jay looked over at the people again, each with a similar implant on. A few of them sat upright, their eyes closed. But others were slouched back in their chairs, their heads rolling back and forth, spittle and mucus dripping from their mouths and nose.
“Those are apathets, Jay. Addicts to the cast-net. Too much of a good thing does that to a person. Hopefully, you won’t do that to me.” She leaned in and laughed, making Jay forget about everything else. “I don’t think I could afford lleldin, to make me forget about you.” She smiled a sweet smile that Jay wanted to kiss again and again. Anies got on her knees on the chair, beside Jay, and leaned in with the device.
“Just put this on. It goes behind your ears, like this, and over your head.”
Jay felt her hands on her head, lifting her hair, cradling the device over her ears. She could smell Anies; smell the sweetness of her body. Anies leaned in, and kissed her on the cheek.
“There!”
“Now what?”
“Just relax,” said Anies, as she knelt beside her. “Sit back. I have a few friends I do this for. Don’t worry. It won’t hurt.”
Jay sat back, so nervous she could barely stop shaking, for a til distracted by thinking on how many other friends Anies had. Then her thoughts turned to where she was—in a store foreign and unknown. She knew she shouldn’t have been this far away on Core, knew she lost track of where they had run, and doubted she could get back there alone. She didn’t know this girl, no matter how attractive she was, no matter how arousing she was. Her mother probably would have killed her if she knew. And that is when she began to relax.
Damn her.
She sat back, and in moments, the world around her dimmed.
^Calm down.^
Anies’ cast soothed her mind, taking away her anxiety. In tils, an image appeared in front of her.
^Hello Jay.^
It was Anies, dressed in a flowing, white dress. A sun hung behind her, and as she looked down, the ground was a verdant green, tall blades of grass covering her feet. A breeze flowed over Jay’s skin, as she could hear the noise of creatures, light and sweet, in the background. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, the most beautiful experience she ever had. She stood for a moment in this garden, among things she knew to be trees, feeling a sense of peace and clam she never felt before. She looked down at herself, and saw she was naked, but it didn’t seem to matter to her. She felt no shame, no embarrassment, even as she turned, and noticed Anies standing beside her. She was nude also, a beautiful sight to behold, her white dress laying as a pool around her feet. She had seen men naked, but it was a rare time when she saw another girl in the nude. To see her standing like that before her was glorious for Jay to behold. She felt that it was as it should be, what she knew casting would be like.
^I like you.^
^I like you, too.^
Jay pressed close, and kissed her, finally
doing what she had longed to do for most of her life—kiss another girl. The kiss to Jay was like none she had ever felt. It was so full of passion, so wrought with lust, she could scarce control herself. She could feel every delicious texture of Anies’ lips; every curve of her warm body, lithe and firm, as she began to hold her close. What Jay felt before, those first sensations in the real world of her closeness, and her smell, paled to this euphoria. Jay grew hungry for Anies, and she gave Jay ample sustenance. Jay ate at her, licking her small breasts, kissing her neck, her hands, tasting the sweetness of her skin. Anies moaned as Jay massaged her breasts, as their legs intertwined and they ground into each other, their bodies lifting off the ground. Anies’ kisses were like raindrops that fell all over her skin, never in one place exactly the same way. They were as nourishment to Jay’s soul, as the little essence she left behind was drawn into her, to become a part of her. Jay wished she wouldn’t stop, merely grow thicker as the storm, to dominate her body, and reign over her thoughts. But as a passing summer shower her devotions dried and faded into the wind, leaving brightness, hope, and love.
“What?”
Jay opened her eyes, and she was back in the store, the light low and faint. Anies still knelt beside her, smiling a sinful, knowing smile.
“You liked that?”
It took Jay a few moments to acclimate to her surroundings. It seemed like she was heavier now, that breathing was more difficult. There was a sluggishness all around her, and she felt so very alone. Jay couldn’t believe she didn’t notice all those things when she was on the cast-net, couldn’t believe how close her thoughts were to Anies’. It was as if for a few moments they were one, experiencing each other’s sensations, as well as their own. Never before had Jay felt that close to someone, felt so open, yet safe.
“Oh yes,” said Jay eagerly as she awkwardly got to her feet, a little unsure of her balance. “I should be getting back.”
“I’ll lead you back where I found you.”
They walked back quickly, Jay quiet for most of the time, a little anxious to get back to the cell. Jay wanted to roll over in her mind those images, that experience, before it began to fade. Anies held Jay’s hand, guiding her quickly through the streets. After a while, they came back to the entrance to the service tunnel, the beginning of Jay’s journey back below. She had never felt sadder in her life, looking down that dark, cold passageway.
“Will I see you again?”
Jay couldn’t believe Anies said those words.
“I’d like that.”
“Tomorrow?”
Jay thought on her mother, and father, and what they were planning to do tomorrow.
“Yes.”
Anies smiled, and kissed her on the lips, soft and warm, Jay reveling in the bold statement of her affection. It kindled more memories of her short time on the cast-net, of how much more she wanted to do. Jay watched Anies walk away, thoughts of lust and passion taking root in her mind, in her soul, binding her and blinding her.
Chapter 6
“Damn, don’t burn it!”
He kept his eyes on the pan, watching the fat caramelize, the sizzle of oil spattering on his hand, keeping him awake. He lifted it, peeking under to see how brown it was, then let it rest, turning down the heat a little. A quick glance to the toaster, its glowing coils eagerly browning pastry within. He could just smell it.
About a mroa more.
For some reason, cooking brought him some peace. He always cooked for the family, at first for practical reasons, as Nemosini was always out on missions. Soon it was a task turned to pleasure, a facet of his life that he had control over. At least, it gave him pleasure until lately.
“It smells done Nulin. Bring it over, I’m hungry!”
He ignored her, knowing it took a little longer to make it done, otherwise, she’d get a little sick, and the Iganinagi couldn’t afford one of its Coss getting sick all over the little babies and children they were slaughtering.
“Dammit!”
Her fist pounded the table, and she stormed into the small kitchen. There was barely enough room for one, but she wedged her way in, pushing him aside. The walls bowed a little, the sound of metal echoing through the room, her muscular and sharp-edged arms jutting into his body, a pain he absently ignored. She turned the pan, moving him aside.
“It’s done! See, look at the bottom! Are you dumb or something!” she shouted, her mouth next to his ear.
“You want it? You want it now?!”
“Yes dammit, that’s what I’ve been telling you for the past five mroas now.” She went back to the table, shaking out a napkin, picking up her fork and knife. “Get it on the damn plate—I’m hungry!”
She smelled of blood and death to Nulin, her husband. Nemosini took a long shower, yet it still clung to her, a second skin that made her feel like a corpse. Sometimes, the few times they would have sex, her grunting on him, slapping him a couple of times, he had to do everything not to throw up, he felt like he was being fucked by the dead. She slammed her fists again on the table, looking like a very old, petulant child. He picked up the meat with a fork, and threw it on her plate, the gristle and oil spattering her clothes.
“There’s your damn meat.” He turned, and pulled out the pastry from the toaster, slamming it on her plate. “And your damn bread.”
She sighed deeply. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at her with eyes that had heard it too many times before, a little ritual they went through that had no meaning left. He felt even now that they were words said automatically, the same way she said ‘thank you’ or ‘please.’
“I know.”
“It’s those damn ‘RECs,” she said, cutting into her food. “They keep on hunting us. It’s getting harder and harder to hit our targets. We lose too many, and accomplish too little.”
He sat down across from her as she shoved the morsels into her mouth, gnashing and swallowing in one quick motion, the sounds of even her feeding nauseating Nulin.
“You know it’s not easy for those who live here,” he said, turning away. “Crime is on the rise ever since we relocated. I worry about our children, every time they go outside to school or to play. I’ve forbidden Minnlis from going outside without someone but Jay is too old for that, and too many of our people are losing focus.” It had been three dcas since this cell had settled, deeper in the bowels of Foundation, and Nemosini felt it still was too early to begin venturing on Core. Many were suffering from cabin fever and were growing anxious to get out of the gloom and filth. “The people need to get out, at least once in a while.”
“And what? Get out, and get killed? Think straight. At least they’re alive.”
“Sometimes it’s not enough to live.”
She looked at him, with knowing eyes. “Sometimes it’s not.”
He looked back, with knowing eyes. She coughed, and went back to her food, speaking as she chewed.
“You worry too much, the people are fine!” cried Nemosini. “Come up with a festival or something. Get Kleder, and get that damn grill going, and have a feast. Stop whining, and do something about it.”
He looked at her, this animal-machine consuming the food without tasting, without breathing. Many times he thought on how she had changed over the cas—all her charm, her beauty, fading with ever emdec she fired, with every body burned or buried by her hands. He had forgotten what love was, at least until recently, when he started spending time with Sullise. He just had to wait, a little longer, until she was a little older, before he could separate from Nemosini, and join with Sullise. As it was they had to meet in secret, in the shadows, consummating their lust away from the judgment of others. She was so kind, so sweet, he had forgotten he used to despise those qualities in women, forgotten he mated with Nemosini because of her strength, because of her confidence and aggression.
No, it was the balance I loved. So strong with others yet so tender with me. Only with me.
There was a time when they spent every free moment with each other, as they raised Jaylind. When Aiella still walked through each cell, working with her Coss, Nemosini would talk of the day’s struggles with Nulin, and he would speak of Jaylind’s first words, or what was going well in the community. They would go down, together, the three of them, and wash their clothes with the other families, and spend the day and early evening talking of their hopes for the future, what they dreamed their children would become. She depended on him for his words of kindness and support, and he on her for words of optimism and hope.
Then Minnlis was born, and it all changed. Not at first, while the glow of another newborn radiated from their home brightly, a beacon for all to see. But soon after, when things got more difficult, cooking and feeding two little mouths. More excuses would come from Nemosini, about being unable to make it home, needing to stay undercover, or finish a covert mission. It became harder for Nulin to take all the clothes down to wash alone, harder to keep track of Jay, as she increasingly started to explore, and become rebellious. Finally, for Nulin’s birthroa, Nemosini moved the family into a better house, with a better stove, larger rooms, and a stolen stash of maintenance micrometa, to clean. No longer would she need to go with Nulin to wash the clothes, no longer would she need to help with chores around the house. Nulin thanked her, and cursed her at the same time, knowing she did it just to get away from him, distance herself from the commitment and obligation of family.
The pain welled in him for a moment, remembering those times, bringing a tear to his eyes that he quickly wiped away.
“I need to leave.”
She watched him get some things, and head out the door. Even after it shut, she kept looking at the door, thinking of his face, and better times. She looked down at the rest of the meat, growing cold. She knew it was a little underdone, and knew she would be a little sick this roa.
Sometimes he just sickens me. The way he talks, the way he stands, without looking over his shoulder, or being aware what’s around him. He wouldn’t last a til out there, with us, fighting the TELREC.
They tried hard to punish the TELREC for the death of Ksilte and the destruction of their headquarters—Theia commanded that. They managed to get a database of families of some of the TELREC stationed on Novan. In three roas they had fifty children, most not even old enough to cast. They rigged a line into the cast-net and beheaded them all, stepping on the heads until they were flat and bloody. Nemosini knew the TELREC would hunt down the families of those in SC-1, and knew they would be killed, but the faces of those children still haunted her. She burned the boots she wore that roa, yet even now she took off her new boots whenever she entered her house.
“Dad?”
She started eating again, putting on the pret
“Where’s Dad?”
“He left. Are you ready for school?”
“Why did he leave?”
Nemosini slammed the fork on the table. “Does it matter?”
“Why did Dad leave?!” Jay yelled those words, spittle flying from her mouth, her eyes open, wide, and to Nemosini increasingly judgmental. Nemosini struggled to control her body, so trained it was to act in an instant to conflict. For a moment she tried to search Jay’s mind, to find out what was bothering her now, but it was closed, her thoughts buried deep down.
I wish I had never taught her that. She has a powerful mind, and has become too good at hiding her thoughts from me. Me! And I’ve interrogated the best of them. Well, like mother, like daughter.
“Don’t yell at me,” said Nemosini, pointing a finger at her daughter.
Jay paced around the room, hungry, but unwilling to sit down at the same table as her mother. She had to see her enough during the roa, working in the same groups, constructing building after building until all her body was worn down, her mother barking orders like a drill sergeant, expecting twice from Jay what she did from the others. And if that wasn’t bad enough, to see Themis come over and cesct with her, and see her smile again, only for him. Jay didn’t know when she began to hate her, but she hated her now for all the work, for the relocation, for what she was doing with Themis.
“Why do we have to be down here?” demanded Jay. “Because of you. You and this hatred of our people.”
Nemosini flew up, her fist clenched on the table. “I don’t hate our people, I love them, along with all us who fight to save them!”
“By killing children? Children like Minn? I saw that broadcast!”
Nemosini sighed, turning her head away, pain filling her skull, throbbing and thick. “I told you never to watch that. I warned you when we would broadcast.”
“Why? Other children can be proud of what their parents do, why can’t I?!” cried Jay. “Because what you do is so despicable, it sickens dad, and me, and it would Minn if she knew.”
“Don’t you ever tell her!” screamed Nemosini, pounding her fist on the table.
“Oh I won’t. Unlike you, I care about her.”
Jaylind threw open the door and ran out, Nemosini watching her leave, and even after the door shut, she still looked out after her.
Something has got to change.
Jaylind was a child of the Iganinagi, but she always knew she was not one of them. She didn’t respect her father—always caring for children in the province, organizing, making speeches. She thought of her father as weak, and when she heard he was spending time with another woman, she knew for sure how weak he was. How weak all men always were. Though the Novans may not have cared about multiple partners, the Iganinagi were simpler, they spent time with one another, and relationships meant something to them. And yet she couldn’t blame her father, for her mother was so strong, and she was spending more time with Themis. She was a warrior unlike most others—able to lead others into battle, vicious, and resourceful. Jay had heard of her exploits since she was old enough to understand speech. She loomed large in her life, a father figure who was not a father. She couldn’t blame her father for wanting someone else, someone more . . . feminine. The past few cas had gotten worse, as she bossed him around more. He just took it—the hard words, the insults, even the things thrown in his face. Jaylind could hear them sometimes having sex, heard the pounding on the wall, heard the grunts that were not made by her father. Her mother was like an animal sometimes, and Jaylind hated her for it.
People come up to me and say ‘wow, you’re Nemosini’s daughter; I’ll bet you’ll make your mother proud,’ while dad would be right there, a nobody. Everyone says how cool it must be to have a mother like mine. I’d give anything just to be a regular person, just a Novan.
She always liked to explore, and this roa was no different. School may have been starting, but Jaylind needed to find a way to Core, a way out of the compound. She often ventured to Core from their old location, spending droas walking the streets, seeing the people absorbed on the cast-net, even taking Minnlis with her once in a while. She wished she could be one of them, and leave this sad life behind.
I may call them the ‘stupids,’ and yet, they don’t kill little children. They don’t live in this disgusting hole, forced to work every waking droa.
The new home she was forced to live in was dark, damp and putrid. Situated between two ancient waste refinement processors, they had yet to procure an air purification system small enough to take down there. The move was a hasty one form their old cell and they left most of their personal effects behind. The technology was the most important thing—technology to break into the cast-net, to modify meta, to fight the TELREC, so most of the homes were made out of the material nearby. As Jaylind walked down the central road, she saw dozens of welding lasers punctuating the darkness with a firework of light, casting illumination on those who toiled endlessly to fashion their people a new and decent home. Deep down, Jaylind knew they meant well, that soon things would be back to normal, or at least close to normal. But a large part of her wished she had a real life, like other Novans. One of relaxation and pleasure, not filled with visions of headless children and crying, begging men.
The path she walked straddled the village, an arbitrary one made as they built houses and shanties radiating out from the center. Her belly rumbled, and she cursed herself for running out before she had a chance to grab some breakfast.
I could have tolerated her shit for a little bit.
Jay sat down, watching life go by in the cell. She slouched down in her tan baggy pants, making them ride up on her like a sock, pulling her oversized shirt together in a bundle, getting a little warmth. It was cold down there, always cold, and the climate machines hadn’t yet been assembled. The only time she felt warm was in front of a small fire, or when . . .
There she is.
In the distance, a few of her fellow classmates walked by. Mostly girls, a few boys were lagging behind, making fun of this or that. A proud, preening girl led the way, but Jay’s eyes followed a small, thin thing, always looking around. Her small feet stumbled over this stone or that, her head always turning up or around, fear and anxiety worn like favorite clothes. Jay noticed her about a cas ago, one of those stolen glances that she returned, them both smiling, turning back quickly. The girl always wore thick, black clothes, bundled around her. Jay walked close to her once, brushing against a forearm mistakenly left exposed. The softness was like an aphrodisiac to Jay, and the girl seemed to like it too. They stole glances and smiled at each other, but neither had the courage to make an advance. Jay was working up the nerve when the resettlement occurred. It had been a full dcas since last she saw that girl. In a few moments her classmates walked out of view, leaving Jay with the image of the girl in her mind; her eyes, her hair, her delicious body wrapped up, buried in a tomb of clothes. Jay’s house had a small basement—it was one of the few structures already built when they arrived. The basement was close, and dark, and Jay longed to take this girl down there.
Sullise . . . sweet Sullise.
There were few innocent moments among the Iganinagi children, for most of their free time was spent learning how to fight with a blade, a projectile weapon, or learning the foundations of mental resistance and combat. The classroom was the only place any social activity happened. Jay thought for a moment of going to class, trying to sit next to Sullise, maybe stealing a few moments alone with her, out back, under the pretense of going to an outhouse. But something else won, the call of the unexplored, this new section of Core the cell was now close to. She got up and moved quickly out of its boundaries. She couldn’t help but draw a little attention as she went.
“Hello Jay!”
“Hello.”
It was Prodal, a well-known meta technician
“Hey Jay! How’s your mom!”
It was Vel-Prin, a woman in charge of the perimeter defenses, carrying some weaponry.
“Good,” she answered brusquely, with a quick wave. She never could escape the adulation of her mother, and her conspicuousness as her daughter. Jay went slower now, avoiding the sounds of people.
I just want to get out of here.
She crouched and made her way quickly around some storage containers, but suddenly bumped into a large man, carrying several burlap sacks.
“Ho Jay!” he cried, as he recovered his balance. “Where you off to?”
“Nowhere.”
It was Kleder, a man who Jaylind knew since she was a child. He made the most spectacular dinners, cobbled together with leftovers of leftovers. He was part of the fabric of this cell, a man who worked hard, with Jaylind’s father, to keep morale high. He owned the community grill—a fixture that had become the centerpiece of every gathering. Everyone would sit around the glowing coals, roasting food, drinking, and sharing of their roa’s work, of their family, of their hopes and dreams. Jay spent many an droa next to him, laughing at his jokes, even falling asleep on his great round belly. Jay knew he never fought any battles, never did anything great, but she respected him more than anyone else. He set down his sacks, plopping them on the ground, bringing up a cloud of dust. He laughed, and beat it off his clothes. Jay tried to walk away, but Kleder came up beside her, keeping pace.
“What’s wrong, tough one? You look worse than I’ve ever seen you.”
“You know I hate that name.”
“I’m so terribly sorry, Jaylind Rosstel,” he said dramatically, with a half-frown, a half smile, and a slight bow, that finally brought a reluctant smile to Jay’s face. “Now, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Of course it’s something!” he cried, throwing his hands in the air. “You remember you used to tell me everything. I remember that time you got into that fighter your mom stole, and messed it up good! Why, that thing almost exploded, and woulda taken you, and half the cell with it!” He clapped Jay on the back, laughing heartily, but to no response. “Come on, Jay, it’s not that bad. I know it smells down here. But that’s only because I haven’t had a chance to fire up the grill yet! When I do, and you get some nice, hot food in your belly—”
“I just don’t feel like it.”
Kleder stopped, and grabbed Jay by the shoulders.
“Jay, you’re almost a woman now, so it’s about time somebody spoke to you like a woman, like an adult. I know things are wrong in your family. I know you’ve heard just about everything that’s going on. I can’t say if I like it or not—it’s not my place to pass judgment. You mom, well, she’s got a lot on her plate. It’s not right that she doesn’t spend time with you and your little sister, and I know it means little that she’s helping others, but that’s the way it is. Novan kids barely talk to their parents, barely know they exist, so you are lucky to have what you have. And your dad, well, he’s always been there for you, I know that. But right now, he’s going through some hard times, and he needs you now, more than ever. Even if he is doing something wrong, it’s not mine, or your place to pass judgment. Just to be there, when he realizes what the right path is. You understand?”
Jay looked up in to Kleder’s eyes, eyes she had known for so long that always made her feel better, safer. There were few people she would call a friend, and Kleder was one of them.
“I suppose.”
Kleder sighed with a faint smile, knowing he only reached a little of her.
“One roa, you’ll understand what it means to be an adult. Life gets more complicated than you could imagine. Some of those kids think that going out and killing people is fun, and they cheer when they hear how many ‘RECs were killed. But when you’re an adult, when you’ve grown up all those cas, learned all those things, laughed with so many people, shared good and bad times with them, well, it hurts real deep to see someone lose their life. To know they will never smile, will never laugh again. And to know that you were responsible. Your mom, she’s gotten used to killing, but I see how it affects her. She’s got children, and I know it hurts her to rob other children of their fathers, and mothers. I’ve sat with her many a night, as she would cry into my arms.”
“Mom?” she asked, with genuine surprise.
“Yes, your mom! That strong woman warrior we call our Coss, has those moments. She may not act it, but she feels pain greater than you or I can imagine. And she does it all for us.”
“I’ve heard that before,” grumbled Jay.
“I know, I know, like I said, one roa you’ll understand. I might be a little more sentimental than the rest of them here, but I also might be a touch smarter.” Kleder laughed softly, looking Jay up and down, remembering not so long ago how small she was, and how much happier. He thought that she was just this little girl who would run around, chasing after her mother, hiding behind her father’s legs. The memory almost brought a tear to his eye. “But, enough preachin’ for now. I’m not a Rell, and neither are you. Keep an eye out, wherever you go. Trouble comes in all shapes and sizes.”
“Thanks.”
Jaylind stumbled on, leaving the activity of the cell behind, tracing the path the cell came in by. Making her way slowly, up service corridors, up ladders and rusty, barely-functioning lifts, she slowly ascended to Core. The light grew brighter the higher she went; the air was cleaner and less filled with dust. The words Kleder spoke to her stayed with her, softening her anger.
It always seems better after I talk with him.
She turned a corner leading to an open platform—the most open area on the path leading between the cell and Core. Nemosini had remarked on the way down that it would be a perfect staging area for ‘RECs if they were to ever assault the cell. Up ahead, Jay could see a crew installing some defensive weaponry, a contingency for such an occurrence. One of them raised his hand.
“Ho Jay!”
Damn.
Out of the twenty or so people, one stood and ran over. A large man, he was covered with dirt and grime, his clothes motley with badges of jobs done and done well. He beamed with a wide smile, gentle and kind.
“Hey tough one!” cried Themis, the Coss of cell twelve. “Where you goin’?”
“Around.”
“What do you mean ‘around?’” he demanded. “You know it’s more dangerous the farther away from the cell you go. Besides, there’s still a lot that needs to be done. You know that.”
Jay looked at him with angry eyes, her arms crossed over her small, budding chest, tossing what little hair she had back over her shoulders. Themis casually returned her angry gaze. He put his hands on his belt, squaring up, looking as the battalion leader he was.
“Come on, tough one, what’s wrong?”
Jay’s scowl deepened to eyes of hate.
“You don’t wanna to speak to me?” he asked, putting his hand on Jay’s shoulder.
“Don’t touch me!” she spat, recoiling in disgust.
“Dammit girl, what’s wrong?”
“Don’t touch me! You can touch my mom, but don’t touch me!”
Themis sighed. “Jay, I know—”
“You know what it’s doing to my dad?” she demanded, shedding a few angry tears. “My real dad? Just because you kill babies with my mother, you two think you’re above it all, better than everyone else. That you can go around and fuck anyone—”
“Watch your mouth—”
“—anyone you feel like!” she yelled, attracting some attention from the others. “In my dad’s house, in his bed! I’ve seen you wait until he leaves, until he goes out and tries to help people, you fucking murderer! Shit you damn fuck!”
“Jaylind!” His voice bellowed, like he was giving battle orders. “I will not tolerate words like
“Or what? What’ll you do?” More tears ran down her face. “Kill me? Cut off my head, and stomp it into dust, and wash the blood off your boots? Cut off my father’s head? Go away, and leave my mother alone!”
Jay ran fast, heedless of Themis’ cries, heading higher and higher to Core. She calmed down, and made the rest of the journey thinking on her hatred of Themis, and the rest of her people.
I wish . . . I wish I could just leave! Leave them all behind, even my dad. I hate them. Themis thinks he is so good, so perfect fighting, but he’s no better. No better than anyone. I’ll bet my mother wouldn’t even cry if I died. She’d just sigh, and be glad I was gone. The daughter who wouldn’t follow in her footsteps.
Jaylind never liked to fight, or play with the guns that were an ever present fixture in the cell. Unknown to Nemosini, she saw one of their terrorist broadcasts, when she was barely seven cas old. They always had an AV unit—a small device that translated a minute portion of the cast-net into video and audio for those without implants, mostly children. Even now, Minnlis watched it constantly. Jay remembered seeing her mother, Themis and a few others on it, standing over ten men—CRODAM officers—who participated in a coordinated attack on one of their cells. The men were kneeling, their hands behind their backs, sobbing uncontrollably.
They were strong men too, she thought, recalling the memory. Anyone could see they weren’t the regular fools CRODAM has. They looked like they could fight, and there they were, on their knees, begging for their lives.
The Iganinagi forced them to say their names, their positions in CRODAM. Nemosini was there, and she read aloud the crimes they were accused of.
“These men have betrayed our people! They ruthlessly cut down the liberators who sought to free our people from the TELREC overseers. There can be no pity for men such as these, no compassion! No mercy for collaborators of any kind. The Novan people must be awakened, and see how we are being pitted against each other.”
Each of the Iganinagi stood behind a captive, and raised a long, waved sword.
“Such shall perish all enemies of the Novan people!”
Each grabbed the heads of the men kneeling, pulling their faces up. Jay could see the tears streaming down their faces, hear the sobbing. It was the first time she ever saw something like that, and though she couldn’t turn away, she could feel that for every moment she watched, some part of her died.
“Aiella!”
They struck down with the sword, piercing their bodies just under the heart. They had done this many times before, and knew just where to strike. They kept holding the prisoner’s heads high as they convulsed, dying slowly. Jay remembered crawling into a corner, rocking back and forth, crying for what seemed like an eternity. Her mother came back later that roa, all smiles, kissing Nulin, lifting Minnlis high in the air—she was just born a little while before. She reached over to give Jay a hug, and she returned it, but from that roa on she looked at her mother through different eyes.
Kleder was right. It takes something away from yourself, when you kill someone. I could never do that. Never. I could never be like my mother. I could never be with a man like my mother. How I hate them. Dirty and stupid, that’s what they are. The boys in her class always tried their advances on her, realizing what a prize it would be to mate with the daughter of the Coss. They show off their muscles, show off their guns. They slap each other around, and think I would like that?
Soon she was on Core, standing on a street like so many others, filled with nameless faces absently walking to and fro, linked by an unseen web of pleasure and depravity. They walked as the living dead around her, their aspect closed and distant, their limbs navigated by their CMS systems. None of them noticed Jay; none even noticed that it was roa instead of night, warm instead of cold. The first time Jay saw Novans like this they frightened her, reminding her of some Iganinagi who were damaged mentally by the TELREC, becoming devoid of conscious thought, their bodies kept alive by a heart that pumped without a soul. They stumbled around, cared for by parents and spouses too sentimental to grant them a final mercy. They loomed large in Jay’s nightmares, their soulless eyes staring at her, accusing her of some nameless deed she’d forgotten. Even now, she’d rather push her way through the crowds, rather than look in those dark and distant eyes.
I wonder what province I’m in now, she thought to herself, looking around. Ah well. There’s always someplace nice, not too far away.
She began to wander around, looking at the sights, taking in the tall buildings, the ships sailing fast overhead, the angry thoughts of Themis and men fading away. It was a grey roa, when the buildings seemed to merge into the sky, and the people undulated through a murky skin. Jaylind took some back alleys, looking all around, wary of predators that lurked for the weak and stupid. Little did she know she had already caught one predator’s attention.
That must be for illegal drugs. There were several people loitering around the front of an entrance, dazedly looking up into the sky with vacuous expressions tinged with a certain panic. She could tell they must have been on lleldin. She had been on Core several times, and had learned much in her travels. She couldn’t understand why anyone would want to distance themselves from the cast-net. I can’t get on, and all they want to do is get off. What a cruel world. She walked further down, seeing more curious storefronts. That must be a genehancement clinic. Then she turned a corner, leading to a tight alley, sloping down a little. Ahh, now that looks good.
She stopped in front of a store with two large windows on either side of an old, dirty grey door. In one, a naked man was seated, pleasuring himself, his eyes shut, his mind linked into the cast-net. On the other side, in front of Jay, an old woman did the same thing, her breasts flaccid, her skin clammy and wrinkled. Jay was at once disgusted, and excited; she couldn’t take her eyes off the woman as she ran her hand between her legs, back and forth, slipping in for a moment, then out, going along her thighs. The woman moaned, then cupped one of her breasts softly and opened her eyes. Jay became self-conscious and went back in front of the man, as she felt it was more expected for her to do. He looked stupid to her, playing with that part of his body, moaning and gyrating.
Jay had tried to be with some boys in her cell, most within the past cas. Though homosexuality was accepted, even encouraged in Novan society, the Iganinagi were much more focused on the act of procreation, and the denial of excess pleasure. In extreme cases homosexuals were banished—exiled to the general Novan population, their memories wiped of anything about the Iganinagi. Jay realized she was different a few cas ago, felt urges building within her that boys could not satisfy. They seemed clumsy and stupid to her, interested in showing off their muscles, acting tough. Maybe it was because of her mother, but she had no need to be with someone tough. Sex with them was a painful, selfish affair, with all the attention focused on them. She saw how they treated the girls she knew. They grunted and groaned, fucking somewhere dark, going through motions like a senseless beast. They expected to be pleased—their egos, as well as the rest of them, stroked and admired. She felt the most excitement being around a few of her female classmates—the close talking, the intimate conversations. But she never acted on it, for though she hated her mother, she could not bring that kind of disgrace on her family. The man behind the window opened his eyes, smiling at her as he came on his hands.
“That’s disgusting.”
The voice startled Jay, and she almost fell over her heels. She turned, and a young girl was standing next to her. About the same age, she was a little shorter than Jay, thin, with a tight, sheer shirt and thick orange pants. She moved closer to the window, looking at the naked man turn towards her and smile.
“Can you believe that?”
“Uhh . . . what?” asked Jaylind, unsure of what to do.
“Don’t you see him doing that?”
She turned, but the man looked the same.
“What do you mean?”
The girl look
Jay turned crimson with embarrassment. She knew one roa this would come up, and struggled to remember her pre-planned excuses.
“Well, no, I mean, something went wrong with it, and it’s being fixed. How did you know?”
“No one with an implant just looks into a window like that,” said the girl with a wry smile. “And no one as old as you speaks as well as you do unless they’ve never had an implant. Do you have a low MPR?”
Jay heard somewhere about that. “Yeah.”
The girl nodded, and shrugged her shoulders. She had a way about her that kept Jay’s attention—at once disinterested, yet interested at the same time. She was nothing like most of the girls back in the cell. They were very boyish, using her mother as a role model—challenging the boys at everything, lifting weights, endless competitions in weaponry and physical prowess. She reminded her of Sullise, with a little more muscle, and much more mystery.
“My name’s Anies.”
“My name’s Jay.”
Anies reached out her hand, and Jay took it, looking in her eyes as they shook hands. She seemed soft to Jay, yet direct, in an unchallenging way. Anies walked over in front of the woman, who noticed her, and started performing for her.
“Mmm . . . I like that.”
Jay looked at Anies, transfixed by her beauty, and her directness. She stood next to Anies, watching the old woman perform.
“She’s kinda gross,” said Anies, “but she knows what to do with her hands.”
Jay looked down, and saw the old woman move her fingers in and out, dancing for a while around the opening, around her thighs. For a moment her age didn’t exist, and she became aroused just watching her movements. Anies stood close to her, the bare skin of her arm touching Jay’s. Never before had she felt desire so raw, felt excitement so sweet. Anies smiled.
“You are so sweet! But your thoughts are too open.”
Jay remembered, and closed off her mind.
“No, no, don’t do that,” said Anies gently. “I like to nest what you are thinking.”
She turned to face Jay, their bodies moving closer. Jay felt so hot, so nervous, hoping the moment would never end.
“Why were you looking at that man?”
“I don’t know,” shrugged Jay. “I thought I should.”
Anies laughed. “He’s so big! And so stupid.”
Jay looked back at the man, sprawled out on the chair, his arms the size of her legs.
“I know,” Jay said pausing, thinking for a moment. “Where I come from, some things aren’t allowed.”
“What are you, Rell?”
“No.”
Anies took Jay’s hand. “I like . . . softness.”
“So do I.”
Anies waited a moment, her lips coming closer to Jay’s, then her face lighting up in a wide smile.
“Have you ever been on the cast-net?” she asked quickly, the words tumbling out.
“No.”
Anies was positively jumping in place, her happiness conquering Jay’s depression. She looked as if she might burst, and Jay chuckled silently watching her.
“Do you want to?”
“How?” asked Jay, catching some of her excitement.
“Come on!”
Anies ran quick, practically yanking Jay behind her. Jay had trouble keeping up with her, as her eyes were distracted by all the unfamiliar sights. They wove in-between the people on the streets, bumping into some, but no one seemed to care as they were too engrossed in the cast-net. As they ran, Anies’ short skirt fell down some, revealing the lower part of her back, that sweet, smooth spot that gradually turns into a fleshy divide. Her mind became consumed with lust, and Anies’ flirtatious eyes stoked the flames higher in her mind than ever before. So despite her training as the daughter of a Coss of the Iganinagi, Jay’s eyes glossed over the landmarks that would have led her home, just as her mind glossed over the blaring sirens warning her of a trap.
Eventually after what seemed an eternity to Jay, Anies stopped, let go her hand, and ran down stairs to a shop. Jay slowly descended and ventured inside, scanning the room carefully to try to get her bearings. It was dark, but not seedy. The floor was swept and clean, the chairs, though worn, shined in a dim light that spoke of ‘mitters old and worn. Anies looked over to a man behind a counter, Jay seeing she must have cast something to him. Of thin build but with a small belly, his eyes never met Anies’, they kept looking into space. Behind him was a large glass-enclosed cabinet, with hundreds of small devices in them. He gave her one of those small plastic and metal devices, and Anies took Jay’s hand, motioning her to sit at some chairs nearby.
“Come and sit.”
Jay looked around, and saw a few other people in chairs nearby. They smelled, even to her, a child of the Iganinagi, who had little water available for bathing, and no CMS system that would control her odor.
“You don’t smell, at least not bad, so don’t worry.” Anies said softly, seeming to sense Jay’s thoughts. “Now sit back.”
Jay looked over at the people again, each with a similar implant on. A few of them sat upright, their eyes closed. But others were slouched back in their chairs, their heads rolling back and forth, spittle and mucus dripping from their mouths and nose.
“Those are apathets, Jay. Addicts to the cast-net. Too much of a good thing does that to a person. Hopefully, you won’t do that to me.” She leaned in and laughed, making Jay forget about everything else. “I don’t think I could afford lleldin, to make me forget about you.” She smiled a sweet smile that Jay wanted to kiss again and again. Anies got on her knees on the chair, beside Jay, and leaned in with the device.
“Just put this on. It goes behind your ears, like this, and over your head.”
Jay felt her hands on her head, lifting her hair, cradling the device over her ears. She could smell Anies; smell the sweetness of her body. Anies leaned in, and kissed her on the cheek.
“There!”
“Now what?”
“Just relax,” said Anies, as she knelt beside her. “Sit back. I have a few friends I do this for. Don’t worry. It won’t hurt.”
Jay sat back, so nervous she could barely stop shaking, for a til distracted by thinking on how many other friends Anies had. Then her thoughts turned to where she was—in a store foreign and unknown. She knew she shouldn’t have been this far away on Core, knew she lost track of where they had run, and doubted she could get back there alone. She didn’t know this girl, no matter how attractive she was, no matter how arousing she was. Her mother probably would have killed her if she knew. And that is when she began to relax.
Damn her.
She sat back, and in moments, the world around her dimmed.
^Calm down.^
Anies’ cast soothed her mind, taking away her anxiety. In tils, an image appeared in front of her.
^Hello Jay.^
It was Anies, dressed in a flowing, white dress. A sun hung behind her, and as she looked down, the ground was a verdant green, tall blades of grass covering her feet. A breeze flowed over Jay’s skin, as she could hear the noise of creatures, light and sweet, in the background. It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, the most beautiful experience she ever had. She stood for a moment in this garden, among things she knew to be trees, feeling a sense of peace and clam she never felt before. She looked down at herself, and saw she was naked, but it didn’t seem to matter to her. She felt no shame, no embarrassment, even as she turned, and noticed Anies standing beside her. She was nude also, a beautiful sight to behold, her white dress laying as a pool around her feet. She had seen men naked, but it was a rare time when she saw another girl in the nude. To see her standing like that before her was glorious for Jay to behold. She felt that it was as it should be, what she knew casting would be like.
^I like you.^
^I like you, too.^
Jay pressed close, and kissed her, finally
“What?”
Jay opened her eyes, and she was back in the store, the light low and faint. Anies still knelt beside her, smiling a sinful, knowing smile.
“You liked that?”
It took Jay a few moments to acclimate to her surroundings. It seemed like she was heavier now, that breathing was more difficult. There was a sluggishness all around her, and she felt so very alone. Jay couldn’t believe she didn’t notice all those things when she was on the cast-net, couldn’t believe how close her thoughts were to Anies’. It was as if for a few moments they were one, experiencing each other’s sensations, as well as their own. Never before had Jay felt that close to someone, felt so open, yet safe.
“Oh yes,” said Jay eagerly as she awkwardly got to her feet, a little unsure of her balance. “I should be getting back.”
“I’ll lead you back where I found you.”
They walked back quickly, Jay quiet for most of the time, a little anxious to get back to the cell. Jay wanted to roll over in her mind those images, that experience, before it began to fade. Anies held Jay’s hand, guiding her quickly through the streets. After a while, they came back to the entrance to the service tunnel, the beginning of Jay’s journey back below. She had never felt sadder in her life, looking down that dark, cold passageway.
“Will I see you again?”
Jay couldn’t believe Anies said those words.
“I’d like that.”
“Tomorrow?”
Jay thought on her mother, and father, and what they were planning to do tomorrow.
“Yes.”
Anies smiled, and kissed her on the lips, soft and warm, Jay reveling in the bold statement of her affection. It kindled more memories of her short time on the cast-net, of how much more she wanted to do. Jay watched Anies walk away, thoughts of lust and passion taking root in her mind, in her soul, binding her and blinding her.
Chapter 6