Bloodlust by Michelle Rowen
“Are you trained in first aid?” Noah asked nervously, looking around the empty room and ending at Matthias’s pale and sickly form.
I shook my head. “Afraid not. You?”
“A little. But this is your show, Jill. I’m not going near that heart. It disturbs me how delicious it looks.”
I cringed. “That is disturbing.”
“Should you wash your hands first?”
“With what?”
“Right. That’s another excellent point. This place isn’t decked out with a full commode, is it?”
I didn’t exactly have a game plan here. Matthias must have seen the trepidation in my gaze.
“It’s . . . okay . . .” His voice was so quiet I barely heard it.
I felt weak suddenly with the prospect of what I had to do. “There’s nothing okay about this. This is going to hurt you, and I don’t even know if it’ll work. Plus, I think I might throw up.”
His forehead was creased and he let out a small sound that may have been a laugh.
I glared at him. “This isn’t even remotely funny.”
“You’ll . . . be fine. Just . . .” He paused and swallowed thickly. “Take it . . . shove it into my chest . . .”
Shove the vampire’s severed heart into his bloody chest. This wasn’t happening. This was a horror movie I’d fallen into and couldn’t get out of.
“What do you want me to do?” Noah asked.
I tried to breathe. “Catch me if I pass out.”
“Will do.”
I unscrewed the lid of the jar and placed it on the ground. Then I forced myself to reach into the glass container and wrap my fingers around the cool, slippery heart. My own heart beat so wildly in my chest it made me dizzy. Matthias’s heart didn’t currently beat. It felt cold and dead, like meat you might buy from the deli section of the grocery store.
I faltered. Maybe I couldn’t do this. I’d failed biology in high school and never dreamed about being a nurse or a doctor when I grew up. This was a million miles outside of my comfort zone. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then . . . do it . . . quickly.”
I nodded. “Uh, Noah?”
“Yeah.”
“Which way is up?”
He drew a bit closer. “You have it upside down.”
“Okay.” I adjusted it.
I gripped it tightly and pushed apart Matthias’s bloody ruined shirt so I could clearly see the gaping wound in his chest. I gagged. Couldn’t help it. If nothing else, at least it hadn’t healed over yet. That would have meant I would have had to cut him open again.
Not a good thought. None of this was good. But if it worked, then it was worth it. I’d chalk the inevitable nightmares up to a successful learning experience.
I looked in his pale eyes, this vampire who’d claimed me so he could use my blood to destroy his brother. His brother who’d tried to gain vengeance on him by tearing out his heart and locking him away in a coffin to let him suffer.
He’d saved my life. I wasn’t saving his—he’d live even if his heart was destroyed. But this wasn’t living.
My soul mate. The other end of my metaphysical rope. The leech on my energy. The reason I wasn’t going to die because of the Nightshade.
“Do it . . .” Matthias whispered.
Before I could second-guess myself, I shoved the heart into his chest.
He arched his back and cried out in pain as my hand disappeared deep into his flesh and up under his rib cage where the original wound had been.
I gagged again at the feel of the inside of Matthias’s body. Vampires were warmer on the inside than I would have expected. Not regular human body temperature, but warmer than room temperature. I forced the heart in as far as it could go, then pulled my hand out. It made a disgusting, wet smacking sound.
I tried not to think. I pressed down on the wound that started to ooze blood again. My right hand and arm were now red and slick with blood up to my elbow.
“Okay, I’m a vampire now, and that was still pretty fucking gross to watch,” Noah said, the disgust naked in his voice. “Wow.”
Matthias writhed under my touch, his face contorted with pain.
“Shit, Noah—” I’d begun to feel more panicky with every passing moment. “I don’t think it’s working. He’s not healing.”
I heard a creak and my head whipped in the direction of the door expecting to see we’d been discovered and Kristoff’s men would drag me away from Matthias before he’d recovered.
Jade peered in at us. She wore a long blue dress printed with sunflowers and her red hair was back in a ponytail.
Relief mixed with annoyance. The last thing I needed to deal with right now was an insane dhampyr. She entered a little more, her gaze moving over each of us in turn and ending with Matthias. By the look on her face, I knew she recognized him. He was the vampire who’d forced her to give him blood to help heal his internal damage from drinking my blood. The same vampire she’d been forced to feed earlier tonight when he’d been staked.
It had helped him both times. Her blood healed. My blood killed.
Life and death, Jade and me were. Like two sides of a coin.
“Jade,” I whispered fiercely. “What are you doing down here?”
Her expression was distant but there was concern there. “He’s evil, you know. And there is so much blood. An ocean to wade in and a sunrise beyond. It scares me.”
I frowned. “Who’s evil?”
“The man who looks like this one.” She nodded at Matthias. “He wants to kill my baby.”
“Your baby.” I remembered what Isaiah said before he was killed, that Jade had a child who died years ago, which was likely why she fixated on the child vampire Patricia so much. “Do you mean . . . Sara?”
She nodded. “Yes, my baby. How could anyone want to hurt her?”
“Who wants to hurt her?” Kristoff said she wasn’t in danger. I wasn’t surprised he’d lied about that, too. I kept my hands pressed firmly against Matthias’s bleeding chest. He suffered in silence now, but I knew the pain hadn’t lessened for him. I blamed that knowledge on our brand-new bond.
Jade leaned against the doorframe. “I heard the blond man talking on the telephone. He said they could have her and use her blood however they wanted. He told them to come immediately to take her away. Amore, amar—”
“Amarantos,” I finished for her, stunned. “He said he’s going to give Sara to the Amarantos?”
“I don’t want Sara to be hurt.” Tears streaked down her cheeks.
My head hurt as I thought it through as quickly as I could. “Do you know how you can save your baby, Jade?”
“How?” she asked eagerly, drawing closer to me.
“You need to give Matthias some of your blood. He can stop Kristoff.”
She looked down at the badly injured vampire. “He can?”
I nodded. “I swear he can. If you can help him, he can help Sara. I promise.”
It wasn’t a lie. I believed Matthias had the motivation and the ability to stop his brother. However, I didn’t know for sure that he’d be successful, especially not after going through all of this.
Jade frowned deeply. “They all drink from me. I should be used to it, I suppose, but I never am. It hurts so much. They give me gifts and let me ride on the Ferris wheel, but it doesn’t make it better.”
Maybe her insanity was a blessing more than a curse. It helped her escape into a world where her baby was still alive and all was well with the world of amusement-park rides and family dinners. “I’m sorry.”
I eyed Matthias with deepening concern. He looked close to death, struggling to breathe, struggling to deal with whatever pain he felt right now. And the only relief I could get for him was in the form of a crazy dhampyr with some major maternal instincts.
There wasn’t enough time to try to convince Jade to help the easy way. The hard way would have to do. “Do you want to help Sara or do you want her to die a horrible death at the hands of
She visibly flinched.
“They’ll tear her apart, drink her blood, and throw her tiny body away like garbage.” I forced the words out, twisting like a knife to get the reaction I needed. “Is that what you want? Or do you want her to live?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “I want my baby to live.”
“Then give Matthias your blood now, Jade. Now.”
She stared at me in silence for so long I was sure she was going to run away. I’d been too harsh. Pushed too hard.
But instead, she nodded.
I held my breath as she moved closer to the coffin and extended her arm over Matthias’s mouth.
“Drink from me,” she said.
His pained gaze flicked to mine for a moment, before he slowly reached up to grip her arm and brought it to his lips. I saw her wince as he bit into her wrist and the slide of red blood down the corner of his mouth as he began to feed, his eyes blackening, and hunger branched along his cheeks.
Noah watched with rapt attention. “Damn, I’m so thirsty right now.”
It was as if all of my coiled up energy disappeared and I stumbled backward until I felt the solid stone wall behind me. It helped to keep me on my feet. I didn’t think it had anything to do with Matthias and my bond this time. I’d just been so tense for so long that something had to give. What gave was my ability to keep myself upright at the moment. I wiped my right hand and arm off on the skirt of the black dress I wore until only my fingernails were stained with Matthias’s blood.
Matthias fed for a while. Finally Jade staggered back a few steps and sat down on the floor, holding her arm to her chest. She looked at me and I hated to see the pain and confusion on her pale face, but I wasn’t sorry I got her to agree to this. I pushed away from the wall and went to Matthias’s side. His eyes were closed and there was blood on his lips. I thought for a moment that it hadn’t worked, but then I looked down at his wound. It was still bloody, but it had begun to heal. I let out an audible sigh of relief.
“Go,” I said to Noah. “Get to the kids upstairs. We’ll be up as soon as we can and then we’re leaving.”
He nodded and helped the dhampyr to her feet. He closed the broken door as best he could behind him.
A couple minutes later Matthias’s eyelids fluttered open and he immediately focused on me. His wound had healed over, although it wasn’t completely gone—a thick, raised pink line remained. Maybe this injury would actually leave a scar this time.
I pressed my hand against his cool forehead. “How are you feeling right now?”
He looked up at me. “I’m improving.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Kristoff ripped out your heart and stuffed you in a coffin.”
“My brother doesn’t forgive easily.”
“No shit.”
He blinked. His eyes had returned to their normal pale gray color. The dark patches under his eyes were fading. “You saved me.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little at that. “If you call stuffing your heart back in your chest and hoping like hell that it worked, then I guess I did.”
“Others would have left me right where I lay.”
“I couldn’t do that.” His intense gaze was making me nervous. “And it has nothing to do with our bond, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I never said it did.”
“Honestly Matthias, you should have told me you were going to do that to me.”
He swallowed, then reached down to touch where his wound had been. “You weren’t well after Declan injected you with the fusing potion. I was certain you’d die.”
“But I didn’t.”
“That’s right, you didn’t.” His meaning was clear. I would have died if he hadn’t claimed me right then and right there.
“I’m not saying I’m sorry you did it. I want to live. But—but maybe you should have saved it and used it on someone who wanted to be bound to you for all eternity. Declan says this makes us soul mates.”
He didn’t reply. I’d take that as a confirmation.
I sighed. “Fabulous. And now I can find you—that’s how I found you down here. I sensed where you were like a rope that ties us together. I’m guessing you can do the same for me.”
“Yes.”
“Anything else?”
“It’s a good metaphor—the rope. Your life is tied to mine. You’re still human and can be hurt or killed. But it will take a great deal more effort. You will also be stronger—as strong as a dhampyr. Along with your blood it will be a lethal combination.”
I thought it through. “How can it be reversed?”
“It can’t be.” He didn’t look upset by this, there was the slight glimmer of amusement in his eyes now, which was nothing but infuriating considering the topic of conversation. “I know you’d prefer to be bound to Declan.”
“I’m not sure I want to be bound to anyone. Not this much.”
“He’s a vampire now.”
I gripped the edge of the coffin. “I guess I’m a sucker for men who like the nightlife.”
Matthias was silent for a moment, then he struggled to sit up so we were at eye level to each other. “I can make you forget him if you want.”
I frowned. “What?”
“No other vampire can ever influence you again, except for me. Let me show you. Look at me, Jillian.”
The moment I looked at him everything else suddenly flew away from me. Every stressful thought, every worry, every single problem. There was only Matthias.
He had complete and total power over me.
He’d influenced me before just after I’d first met him. Influenced me into his bed and made me desire him even though I knew on some level that it was wrong and unnatural and not how I truly felt. My emotions weren’t involved then, just my body.
But now everything had changed.
I loved him. I knew for certain that he was the only man I wanted to be with. I’d do anything for him. I craved his touch, his kiss, his caress. I wanted to be at his side forever. In his bed every night.
I touched his face, trying to memorize every feature, every line. My fingers trailed over his cheek, his jaw, his mouth.
“What do you want, Jillian?” he whispered.
“You.” I brushed my lips against his, my hand moving to tangle into his hair.
I needed his body against me, filling me. It was a desperate need that I couldn’t—
Suddenly, the feeling vanished as if I’d just had a bucket of cold water thrown at me.
“See what I mean?” he said, amusement sliding behind his gray eyes.
I slapped him so hard across his face that my hand stung.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped.
He shrugged. “It worked though, didn’t it?”
“It wasn’t real. Stop fucking with my mind.”
He raised a pale eyebrow. “What’s real? If every one of your senses tells you something is real, then why can’t it be?”
“I’m not in love with you.”
He studied my face. “In the beginning I could only increase the desire you already felt for me, but now it sounds like there are more interesting emotions to play with. Let me know when you want me to make it permanent.”
I tried to slap him again but he caught my wrist.
“I’ll take that as a polite no?” he said.
“You can take it as a hell no.”
Matthias scared me and this was just another example of why. He had too much power over me. If he chose to exert that power again and not take it away, I knew he could make me do whatever he wanted and I’d follow him around happily like an adoring pet. It seemed so real, if only for a moment. That was almost scarier than anything Kristoff could do.
He eased himself out of the coffin. “Enough of this. I’m better now and I need to find my daughter.”
“Nice to know we agree on something.” I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. “And by the way,
I could have sworn I saw him grin at me, but I turned my back and exited the room.
Maybe I should have left him locked in the coffin after all.
22
MY ANGER AT HAVING MY EMOTIONS SHAMELESSLY manipulated faded quickly. As soon as we left the room Matthias had been imprisoned in, I got my priorities straight again. Also memories of what happened earlier at The Silver Cross and what Alex wanted me to tell Matthias kept replaying in my head.
“I need to tell you something,” I said as we quickly moved down the tunnel toward the rope ladder leading back to the basement. “It’s about . . . Alex.”
Matthias stopped walking. “I know what Kristoff wanted you to do. He saw Alex as a threat now that he’s been awakened.”
I nodded. “Kristoff sent me to his nightclub earlier tonight.”
His expression tensed. “Is he dead?”
I clasped my hands in front of me to stop them from shaking and nodded. Matthias needed to know this. Maybe this wasn’t exactly the ideal time to tell him, but if something went wrong I was afraid there might not be another time. “He knew why I was there—someone tipped him off about my blood, but . . . but he bit me anyway. I—I tried to stop him. I’m so sorry.”
He didn’t speak for a moment.
A big part of me worried about how he’d take this news. My blood had killed someone Matthias had cared deeply for at one time, someone he likely felt a great deal of guilt about. I wondered if he’d been there when Alex was dragged out into the sunshine, watching from a safe, dark place as he extracted his vengeance.
I’d seen many sides of Matthias. It was very possible he could be that cruel if he felt justified in what he was doing due to a perceived betrayal.
“I hadn’t seen him in years,” he said quietly.
“He—he wanted me to tell you something.”
Matthias looked at me, his expression grim. “What?”
“That he forgives you. And that he still has faith in everything you do.” I didn’t elaborate. I think Matthias would know all too well what was being forgiven.