Can You Forgive Her? by Anthony Trollope

  CHAPTER LXXVII.

  The Travellers Return Home.

  Mr. Palliser did not remain long in Baden after the payment ofBurgo's bill. Perhaps I shall not throw any undeserved discrediton his courage if I say that he was afraid to do so. What would hehave said,--what would he have been able to say, if that young manhad come to him demanding an explanation? So he hurried away toStrasbourg the same day, much to his wife's satisfaction.

  The journey home from thence was not marked by any incidents.Gradually Mr. Palliser became a little more lenient to his wife andslightly less oppressive in his caution. If he still inquired aboutthe springs of the carriages, he did so in silence, and he ceased toenjoin the necessity of a day's rest after each day's journey. Bythe time that they reached Dover he had become so used to his wife'scondition that he made but little fluttering as she walked out ofthe boat by that narrow gangway which is so contrived as to make anarrival there a serious inconvenience to a lady, and a nuisance evento a man. He was somewhat staggered when a big man, in the middleof the night, insisted on opening the little basket which his wifecarried, and was uncomfortable when obliged to stop her on the plankwhile he gave up the tickets which he thought had been alreadysurrendered; but he was becoming used to his position, and borehimself like a man.

  During their journey home Mr. Palliser had by no means kept his seatopposite to Lady Glencora with constancy. He had soon found that itwas easier to talk to Mr. Grey than to his wife, and, consequently,the two ladies had been much together, as had also the two gentlemen.What the ladies discussed may be imagined. One was about to becomea wife and the other a mother, and that was to be their fate aftereach had made up her mind that no such lot was to be hers. It may,however, be presumed that for every one word that Alice spoke LadyGlencora spoke ten. The two men, throughout these days of closeintimacy, were intent upon politics. Mr. Palliser, who may be regardedas the fox who had lost his tail,--the tail being, in this instance,the comfort of domestic privacy,--was eager in recommending his newfriend to cut off his tail also. "Your argument would be very well,"said he, "if men were to be contented to live for themselves only."

  "Your argument would be very well," said the other, "if it were usedto a man who felt that he could do good to others by going intopublic life. But it is wholly inefficacious if it recommends publiclife simply or chiefly because a man may gratify his own ambition bypublic services."

  "Of course there is personal gratification, and of course there isgood done," said Mr. Palliser.

  "Is,--or should be," said Mr. Grey.

  "Exactly; and the two things must go together. The chiefgratification comes from the feeling that you are of use."

  "But if you feel that you would not be of use?"

  We need not follow the argument any further. We all know its nature,and what between two such men would be said on both sides. We allknow that neither of them would put the matter altogether in a truelight. Men never can do so in words, let the light within themselvesbe ever so clear. I do not think that any man yet ever had such agift of words as to make them a perfect exponent of all the wisdomwithin him. But the effect was partly that which the weaker man ofthe two desired,--the weaker in the gifts of nature, though arthad in some respects made him stronger. Mr. Grey was shaken in hisquiescent philosophy, and startled Alice,--startled her as much as hedelighted her,--by a word or two he said as he walked with her in thecourts of the Louvre. "It's all hollow here," he said, speaking ofFrench politics.

  "Very hollow," said Alice, who had no love for the French mode ofcarrying on public affairs.

  "Of all modes of governing this seems to me to be the surest ofcoming to a downfall. Men are told that they are wise enough to talk,but not wise enough to have any power of action. It is as though menwere cautioned that they were walking through gunpowder, and thatno fire could be allowed them, but were at the same time enjoinedto carry lucifer matches in their pockets. I don't believe in thegunpowder, and I think there should be fire, and plenty of it; but ifI didn't want the fire I wouldn't have the matches."

  "It's so odd to hear you talk politics," said Alice, laughing.

  After this he dropped the subject for a while, as though he wereashamed of it, but in a very few minutes he returned to it manfully."Mr. Palliser wants me to go into Parliament." Upon hearing this Alicesaid nothing. She was afraid to speak. After all that had passed shefelt that it would not become her to show much outward joy on hearingsuch a proposition, so spoken by him, and yet she could say nothingwithout some sign of exultation in her voice. So she walked onwithout speaking, and was conscious that her fingers trembled on hisarm. "What do you say about it?" he asked.

  "What do I say? Oh, John, what right can I have to say anything?"

  "No one else can have so much right,--putting aside of course myself,who must be responsible for my own actions. He asked me whether Icould afford it, and he seems to think that a smaller income sufficesfor such work now than it did a few years since. I believe that Icould afford it, if I could get a seat that was not very expensive atthe first outset. He could help me there."

  "On that point, of course, I can have no opinion."

  "No; not on that point. I believe we may take that for granted.Living in London for four or five months in the year might bemanaged. But as to the mode of life!"

  Then Alice was unable to hold her tongue longer, and spoke out herthoughts with more vehemence than discretion. No doubt he combatedthem with some amount of opposition. He seldom allowed out-spokenenthusiasm to pass by him without some amount of hostility. But hewas not so perverse as to be driven from his new views by the factthat Alice approved them, and she, as she drew near home, was ableto think that the only flaw in his character was in process of beingcured.

  When they reached London they all separated. It was Mr. Palliser'spurpose to take his wife down to Matching with as little delay aspossible. London was at this time nearly empty, and all the doingsof the season were over. It was now the first week of August, andas Parliament had not been sitting for nearly two months, the townlooked as it usually looks in September. Lady Glencora was to staybut one day in Park Lane, and it had been understood between her andAlice that they were not to see each other.

  "How odd it is parting in this way, when people have been together solong," said Lady Glencora. "It always seems as though there had beena separate little life of its own which was now to be brought to aclose. I suppose, Mr. Grey, you and I, when we next meet, will be fartoo distant to fight with each other."

  "I hope that may never be the case," said Mr. Grey.

  "I suppose nothing would prevent his fighting; would it Alice? But,remember, there must be no fighting when we do meet next, and thatmust be in September."

  "With all my heart," said Mr. Grey. But Alice said nothing.

  Then Mr. Palliser made his little speech. "Alice," he said, as he gavehis hand to Miss Vavasor, "give my compliments to your father, andtell him that I shall take the liberty of asking him to come down toMatching for the early shooting in September, and that I shall expecthim to bring you with him. You may tell him also that he will haveto stay to see you off, but that he will not be allowed to take youaway." Lady Glencora thought that this was very pretty as coming fromher husband, and so she told him on their way home.

  Alice insisted on going to Queen Anne Street in a cab by herself.Mr. Palliser had offered a carriage, and Mr. Grey, of course, offeredhimself as a protector; but she would have neither the one nor theother. If he had gone with her he might by chance have met herfather, and she was most anxious that she should not be encumberedby her lover's presence when she first received her father'scongratulations. They had slept at Dover, and had come up by amid-day train. When she reached Queen Anne Street, the house wasdesolate, and she might therefore have allowed Mr. Grey to attend her.But she found a letter waiting for her which made her for the momentforget both him and her father. Lady Macleod, at Cheltenham, was veryill, and wished to see her niece, as she said, before she died. "Ihave got
your letter," said the kind old woman, "and am now quitehappy. It only wanted that to reconcile me to my departure. I thoughtthrough it all that my girl would be happy at last. Will she forgiveme if I say that I have forgiven her?" The letter then went on to begAlice to come to Cheltenham at once. "It is not that I am dying now,"said Lady Macleod, "though you will find me much altered and keepingmy bed. But the doctor says he fears the first cold weather. I knowwhat that means, my dear; and if I don't see you now, before yourmarriage, I shall never see you again. Pray get married as soon asyou can. I want to know that you are Mrs. Grey before I go. If I wereto hear that it was postponed because of my illness, I think it wouldkill me at once."

  There was another letter for her from Kate, full, of course, ofcongratulations, and promising to be at the wedding; "that is," saidKate, "unless it takes place at the house of some one of your verygrand friends;" and telling her that aunt Greenow was to be marriedin a fortnight;--telling her of this, and begging her to attend thatwedding. "You should stand by your family," said Kate. "And onlythink what my condition will be if I have no one here to support me.Do come. Journeys are nothing nowadays. Don't you know I would goseven times the distance for you? Mr. Cheesacre and Captain Bellfieldare friends after all, and Mr. Cheesacre is to be best man. Is itnot beautiful? As for poor me, I'm told I haven't a chance left ofbecoming mistress of Oileymead and all its wealth."

  Alice began to think that her hands were almost too full. Ifshe herself were to be married in September, even by the end ofSeptember, her hands were very full indeed. Yet she did not know howto refuse any of the requests made to her. As to Lady Macleod, hervisit to her was a duty which must of course be performed at once.She would stay but one day in London, and then go down to Cheltenham.Having resolved upon this she at once wrote to her aunt to thateffect. As to that other affair down in Westmoreland, she sighedas she thought of it, but she feared that she must go there also.Kate had suffered too much on her behalf to allow of her feelingindifferent to such a request.

  Then her father came in. "I didn't in the least know when you mightarrive," said he, beginning with an apology for his absence. "Howcould I, my dear?" Alice scorned to remind him that she herself hadnamed the precise hour of the train by which they had arrived. "It'sall right, papa," said she. "I was very glad to have an hour to writea letter or two. Poor Lady Macleod is very ill. I must go to her theday after to-morrow."

  "Dear, dear, dear! I had heard that she was poorly. She is very old,you know. So, Alice, you've made it all square with Mr. Grey at last?"

  "Yes, papa;--if you call that square."

  "Well; I do call it square. It has all come round to the properthing."

  "I hope he thinks so."

  "What do you think yourself, my dear?"

  "I've no doubt it's the proper thing for me, papa."

  "Of course not; of course not; and I can tell you this, Alice, he isa man in a thousand. You've heard about the money?"

  "What money, papa?"

  "The money that George had." As the reader is aware, Alice had heardnothing special about this money. She only knew, or supposed sheknew, that she had given three thousand pounds to her cousin. But nowher father explained to her the whole transaction. "We couldn't haverealized your money for months, perhaps," said he; "but Grey knewthat some men must have rope enough before they can hang themselves."

  Alice was unable to say anything on this subject to her father, butto herself she did declare that not in that way or with that hopehad John Grey produced his money. "He must be paid, papa," she said."Paid!" he answered; "he can pay himself now. It may make somedifference in the settlements, perhaps, but he and the lawyers mayarrange that. I shan't think of interfering with such a man as Grey.If you could only know, my dear, what I've suffered!" Alice in apenitential tone expressed her sorrow, and then he too assured herthat he had forgiven her. "Bless you, my child!" he said, "and makeyou happy, and good, and--and--and very comfortable." After that hewent back to his club.

  Alice made her journey down to Cheltenham without any adventure, andwas received by Lady Macleod with open arms. "Dearest Alice, it is sogood of you." "Good!" said Alice, "would I not have gone a thousandmiles to you?"

  Lady Macleod was very eager to know all about the coming marriage."I can tell you now, my dear, though I couldn't do it before, thatI knew he'd persist for ever. He told me so himself in confidence."

  "He has persisted, aunt; that is certain."

  "And I hope you'll reward him. A beautiful woman without discretionis like a pearl in a swine's snout; but a good wife is a crown ofglory to her husband. Remember that, my dear, and choose your partfor his sake."

  "I won't be that unfortunate pearl, if I can help it, aunt."

  "We can all help it, if we set about it in the right way. And Alice,you must be careful to find out all his likes and his dislikes. Dearme! I remember how hard I found it, but then I don't think I was soclever as you are."

  "Sometimes I think nobody has ever been so stupid as I have."

  "Not stupid, my dear; if I must say the word, it is self-willed. But,dear, all that is forgiven now. Is it not?"

  "There is a forgiveness which it is rather hard to get," said Alice.

  There was something said then as to the necessity of looking forpardon beyond this world, which I need not here repeat. To all herold friend's little sermons Alice was infinitely more attentive thanhad been her wont, so that Lady Macleod was comforted and took heartof grace, and at last brought forth from under her pillow a letterfrom the Countess of Midlothian, which she had received a day ortwo since, and which bore upon Alice's case. "I was not quite surewhether I'd show it you," said Lady Macleod, "because you wouldn'tanswer her when she wrote to you. But when I'm gone, as I shall besoon, she will be the nearest relative you have on your mother'sside, and from her great position, you know, Alice--" But here Alicebecame impatient for the letter. Her aunt handed it to her, and sheread as follows:--

  Castle Reekie, July, 186--.

  DEAR LADY MACLEOD,--

  I am sorry to hear of the symptoms you speak about. I strongly advise you to depend chiefly on beef-tea. They should be very careful to send it up quite free from grease, and it should not be too strong of the meat. There should be no vegetables in it. Not soup, you know, but beef-tea. If any thing acts upon your strength, that will. I need not tell one who has lived as you have done where to look for that other strength which alone can support you at such a time as this. I would go to you if I thought that my presence would be any comfort to you, but I know how sensitive you are, and the shock might be too much for you.

  If you see Alice Vavasor on her return to England, as you probably will, pray tell her from me that I give her my warmest congratulations, and that I am heartily glad that matters are arranged. I think she treated my attempts to heal the wound in a manner that they did not deserve; but all that shall be forgiven, as shall also her original bad behaviour to poor Mr. Grey.

  Alice was becoming weary of so much forgiveness, and told herself,as she was reading the letter, that that of Lady Midlothian was atany rate unnecessary. "I trust that we may yet meet and be friends,"continued Lady Midlothian. "I am extremely gratified at finding thatshe has been thought so much of by Mr. Palliser. I'm told that Mr.Palliser and Mr. Grey have become great friends, and if this is so,Alice must be happy to feel that she has had it in her power toconfer so great a benefit on her future husband as he will receivefrom this introduction." "I ain't a bit happy, and I have conferredno benefit on Mr. Grey," exclaimed Alice, who was unable to repressthe anger occasioned by the last paragraph.

  "But it is a great benefit, my dear."

  "Mr. Palliser has every bit as much cause to be gratified for that asMr. Grey, and perhaps more."

  Poor Lady Macleod could not argue the matter in her present state.She merely sighed, and moved her shrivelled old hand up and down uponthe counterpane. Alice finished the letter without further remarks.It merely went on to sa
y how happy the writer would be to knowsomething of her cousin as Mrs. Grey, as also to know something of Mr.Grey, and then gave a general invitation to both Mr. and Mrs. Grey,asking them to come to Castle Reekie whenever they might be able. TheMarchioness, with whom Lady Midlothian was staying, had expresslydesired her to give this message. Alice, however, could not butobserve that Lady Midlothian's invitation applied only to anotherperson's house.

  "I'm sure she means well," said Alice.

  "Indeed she does," said Lady Macleod, "and then you know you'llprobably have children; and think what a thing it will be for them toknow the Midlothian family. You shouldn't rob them of their naturaladvantages."

  Alice remained a week with her aunt, and went from thence direct toWestmoreland. Some order as to bridal preparations we must presumeshe gave on that single day which she passed in London. Muchadvice she had received on this head from Lady Glencora, and noinconsiderable amount of assistance was to be rendered to her atMatching during the fortnight she would remain there before hermarriage. Something also, let us hope, she might do at Cheltenham.Something no doubt she did do. Something also might probably beachieved among the wilds in Westmoreland, but that something wouldnecessarily be of a nature not requiring fashionable tradespeople.While at Cheltenham, she determined that she would not again returnto London before her marriage. This resolve was caused by a veryurgent letter from Mr. Grey, and by another, almost equally urgent,from Lady Glencora. If the marriage did not take place in Septembershe would not be present at it. The gods of the world,--of LadyGlencora's world,--had met together and come to a great decision.Lady Glencora was to be removed in October to Gatherum Castle, andremain there till the following spring, so that the heir might,in truth, be born in the purple. "It is such a bore," said LadyGlencora, "and I know it will be a girl. But the Duke isn't to bethere, except for the Christmas week." An invitation for the ceremonyat Matching had been sent from Mr. Palliser to Mr. Vavasor, and anotherfrom Lady Glencora to Kate, "whom I long to know," said her ladyship,"and with whom I should like to pick a crow, if I dared, as I'm sureshe did all the mischief."