Change of Heart by Fran Shaff
“Neither will I, Jase.” She closed her eyes and sank her back into Jase’s chest. She knew she shouldn’t let herself feel what she felt for him. She’d be leaving soon, and, if she let herself care too much, it would only hurt all the more when she had to go. But right now she didn’t care about later.
No matter what the future might bring, she was going to let herself love being in Jase’s arms, and she would allow herself to love him just a little too.
Chapter Eight
The days following their trip to Pine Rock Hollow kept Jase on edge. How could he have taken advantage of Marietta the way he’d done? His behavior was despicable, yet she’d been kind enough to smooth things over for him.
He truly hadn’t taken her to the isolated area to take her in his arms, no matter how much the thought of doing just that had taunted and tempted him for weeks. He’d taken her there to show her a beautiful spot on a vast prairie and to show her the stone marker he was making for the Morgans.
He shouldn’t have held her; he shouldn’t have kissed her. Staring at his land from the top of Beaumont, Jase pulled his glove from his hand and touched his lips. He’d never experienced anything so gut-wrenchingly wonderful as the feel of Marietta’s silky cheek. He’d never tasted anything half as sweet as her rosy lips. The moment he’d held her close to his heart, he’d known he could never live without her again.
He kicked his mount and sent him into a frenzied run. Dust flew from hooves raising clouds of anger. Why did he have to care for her so much? If she’d stayed in Chicago, he’d have been so much better off. Zack would have become his son, and he’d never have known a love with Marietta he could never have.
Beaumont drove over the earth, grinding his shod hooves over rocks and dirt, throwing earthen powder into the air. Jase clung tightly to his mount, becoming one with the racing animal, moving gracefully with him, running with the steed--running away from the love in his heart. But he knew he couldn’t get away from his feelings for Marietta by driving his horse to its death. He reined in the stallion until it cantered methodically over the earth.
Maybe he should ask Marietta to stay.
He dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come. She was a refined lady, a city woman. She hadn’t made her distaste for the wilderness a secret. Few women could tolerate living in isolation. Kathy and Amy Carson had been extraordinary exceptions. Marietta would never in a hundred years consent to stay, even if she felt the same way about him as he felt about her.
Besides, he had his land speculation to tend to. He’d be gone a good deal of time with that project. It wouldn’t be fair to Marietta for him to be away so much if she did agree to stay. He rode to the barn, checked in with the ranch hands, and decided to have supper with them.
He finished his chores early; he needed a good night’s sleep. The next day he was taking Mrs. Whipple to her son’s home for Christmas, and, on his way back, he was to meet James Richards at Fort Kearney to discuss their schedule for next spring’s exploration.
When he returned, he hoped to spend some time alone with Marietta and Zack.
~ * ~
Marietta watched from the parlor window as Jase and Mabel rode away. The farther they went, the more alone she felt. Zack stood beside her, clinging to her skirt.
“I wish Jase and Mrs. Whipple didn’t have to go, Aunt Marietta.”
“Me too, but Mrs. Whipple wants to be with her son for Christmas.” She crouched next to Zack and kissed his cheek. “Just like I want to be with you. You can’t blame her for leaving, can you?”
He shook his head. “I know she had to go. Her son doesn’t have anyone to make him Christmas cookies.”
“That’s right. And Mrs. Whipple couldn’t go alone, so Jase is taking her. Her son will bring her back here next month sometime.”
Zack scratched through his blonde curls. “Next month? We’ll be gone before that.” He twisted his face as he thought. “While we’re here, you can cook for Jase and take care of him, but who will take care of him after we go and before Mrs. Whipple comes back?”
Marietta hadn’t thought about taking care of Jase the way Zack had suggested since Jase had been spending most of his time working or in the bunkhouse with the ranch hands. The thought of doing things for him--cooking for him and caring for him--appealed to her much more than it should have. “Jase doesn’t need someone to take care of him every minute. He will always be fine. He’s a very strong and capable man.”
Calling Jase by his first name sent pleasure coursing through her. What a wondrous time it had been in Pine Rock Hollow the day they became intimate enough to speak to each other on a first-name basis.
Marietta tucked the pleasure of her love for Jase deeply into her heart. She’d store it there and treasure it all the days of her life. Perhaps on cold winter days in the future--days filled with loneliness and loss--she’d be able to take out the day she’d spent with Jase in the wondrous, mysterious hollow and chase away the emptiness inside her. She’d be able to remember the heavenly touch of Jase’s lips against hers and the beat of her own heart as he’d pressed her close to him.
She would always cherish the day she’d fallen in love.
Two days after Jase left with Mrs. Whipple, a snowstorm pummeled the ranch. Though the storm was nowhere near as bad as the one which had delayed Marietta’s return to Chicago, it was serious enough to frighten her deeply. If it weren’t for the concern and comfort of Jase’s kind ranch hands, she would have spent every waking moment worrying about his safe return home and fretting about whether or not she’d be able to safely take her trip back to Chicago with Zack.
Spike Farley assured her Jase was one of the few men who could find his way around a prairie at night without moonlight. He promised her Jase would get home safely, and he’d get Zack and her to their stage in plenty of time.
While Spike’s words did give her great comfort, his reassurance began to wear thin six days after Jase left since he’d said he’d be gone only three or four days. If the snow had delayed him a day, he still should have been home.
By late evening on the sixth day, Marietta was in a panic
It was difficult to reassure Zack everything would be all right when she was deeply frightened for Jase’s safety herself, but she managed to do it anyway. She told him she was sure Jase would be home the next day.
In the evening she stayed with Zack until he fell asleep, then she went down to the parlor to worry all alone.
She stared out the window for hours, but she could see nothing moving, despite the fact that the moonlight reflecting off the snow made it seem almost as bright as twilight.
Jase could travel at night if he wanted to, she remembered Spike saying. There was enough moonlight to make it easy to see. Mrs. Whipple’s son lived only eight or nine miles northeast of the fort. Jase had told her he had a few other errands to attend to, but he still should have been back by now. Why wasn’t he home yet!
Marietta moved away from the window and sat on the rich-green sofa. The flowered lamp on the stand next to the couch shone brightly, but its luminance did little to comfort her aching heart. She glanced at the timepiece hanging around her neck: it was past two in the morning. She laid her head back on the sofa, closed her eyes, and prayed for Jase’s safe return.
In a little while, she fell into a deep sleep.
~ * ~
Jase saw a light burning in the window as he neared his ranch yard. He decided Marietta must be up early tending to his household. The thought of her taking care of his home warmed his half-frozen body. He’d forced himself to put thoughts of her out of his mind while making his trip. She’d be leaving soon. It wasn’t safe to love her as much as he did.
The business complications of his meeting with James Richards and the other members of the consortium who’d traveled to Fort Kearney had helped him push daydreams about Marietta and Zack out of his mind.
He’d learned in the discussions with the consortium members the hunt for land where
He’d hardly be able to spend any time at his ranch during the upcoming spring, summer, and fall. He’d have to trust one of his men to manage his operation at home. Maybe he’d divide up the responsibilities according to each man’s strongest suit: Lone Wolf could be in charge of the horses, Miguel excelled in money management. Stub was an expert in handling cattle, and Spike had a knack for the upkeep and care of the buildings.
The more Jase thought about his new venture the more excited he became. Every man at the meeting had been certain that building the right town at the right location along the Oregon Trail would bring them immediate returns on their investments. And, if the railroad eventually built along or near that route, the speculators would make a fortune. Jase would have a legacy to pass on to Zack, and his name would be remembered for all time as a founder of one of the first towns along a well-traveled western route.
Jase finally reached his house. He dismounted and tied his horse to the hitching post near his front door. He hurried up the steps to his house. He couldn’t wait to see Marietta.
Once he’d hung his winter wear in the front closet, he went straight to the parlor. He stopped short when he saw Marietta sleeping on his sofa. His heart warmed at the sight of her. Dear heaven, she belonged in his house and in his heart!
She was a vision of exquisiteness. Her cinnamon hair lay over her shoulders, and she wore the flattering blue shirtwaist she’d made from goods Mrs. Whipple had given her. She lay as still as a slumbering kitten, and Jase could think of only one thing he wanted to do--he wanted to take her into his arms and tell her how much he loved her.
It didn’t matter he’d slept little more than four hours each of the last few nights, or that the cold had wormed itself so deep inside his bones he felt as though he’d never be warm again.
To his utter amazement he realized even the land speculation meant nothing to him. Fame held no lure. Fortune was useless. Nothing in the world mattered but holding Marietta and telling her he loved her. All he needed or wanted in the world was her.
Slowly, ever so slowly and gently, he moved toward her, admiring her beauty as he made his approach. When he stood next to the sofa, he reached toward her. He wanted to touch her. He needed to touch her.
He drew his hand away from her and reached for the quilt lying on the back of the couch. He covered her with it and turned to blow out the light in the lamp.
He fought the urge to kiss her sweet cheek until the craving to touch her again overpowered his ability to forbear his desire. Jase moved closer to her, bent toward her, anticipated tasting the sweetness of her cheek. Just one kiss…
“Jase!” Zack’s excited whisper startled him.
He turned and signaled the boy to be quiet.
Zack ran to him, and he scooped him up. “Speak softly. Aunt Marietta is sleeping,” he said as he hugged him soundly.
“She was worried about you, Jase,” he whispered.
“She was?”
He pulled back and looked up at Jase as he nodded. “Yup. I saw her looking out the window all day yesterday. She kept saying, ‘I hope Jase comes home soon’.”
“She did?” Jase hadn’t wanted Marietta to worry about him, but he appreciated knowing she cared enough to be concerned for his safety.
He carried Zack to the kitchen. “Are you hungry, son?”
He rubbed his tummy when Jase set him down. “I could eat a whole steer.”
Jase chuckled lightly. “That’s pretty hungry. How about some side meat and fried potatoes?”
“And flapjacks with apple jelly?”
Jase fluffed the boy’s disheveled, slept-on hair with his fingers. “I’m not sure I can make flapjacks anywhere near as good as Mrs. Whipple’s, but I’m sure I can handle the side meat and potatoes. Maybe we could make some beans too.”
“Whatever you say, Jase. I’m just glad you’re home. Aunt Marietta said you’d be all right, and you are.”
“Did I hear my name?” Marietta leaned against the arch between the parlor and the kitchen.
Jase nearly dropped the cast iron pan he was holding when he looked at her. She’d been beautiful enough to knock a man over when she was lying on the sofa sound asleep, but awake and smiling at him, she was too lovely for words.
As he locked gazes with her, the grin left her face. She started moving toward him, and he handed the skillet to Zack. As though it were exactly what they were supposed to do, the man and woman wrapped their arms around each other and pressed their hearts together.
“I was worried about you, Jase.” The whimper of concern in her voice set his heart on fire.
“I told you she was worried,” Zack said smugly. He put the skillet on the table and threw his arms around the legs of the embracing couple.
“I’m sorry I was late,” Jase said. “I didn’t mean to worry anyone, especially not the two of you.”
“Lift me up, Jase. I want to hug with you.”
Jase reluctantly stepped out of Marietta’s arms and happily lifted Zack to his hip. The boy wrapped one arm around Jase and the other around his aunt.
“Give us a hug, Aunt Marietta.”
She did as he requested, linking herself with Jase and the boy on his hip.
“We’re all together now,” Zack said triumphantly. “It’s just like we’re a family.”
Chapter Nine
Jase was bone tired after traveling throughout the night to get home, but he couldn’t fall asleep when he went to bed. Zack’s words rolled around in his head. It’s like we’re a family. The boy was right. Jase felt it himself, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Marietta felt it too.
But what was he to do? He’d never wanted a family. He’d always had everything he felt a man could want. He loved adventure and new undertakings like starting a ranch in Texas and another one in the Nebraska territory, and building a new town along the Oregon Trail.
He stood on the threshold of opportunity few men had ever known. He was becoming an integral part of a growing nation’s advancement. It was only a matter of time before the railroad came through Nebraska and the territory became a state. His plans for the future had been made.
He left his bunk and went to the window. A light burned in Marietta’s bedroom across the yard from the bunkhouse. He swallowed hard.
He’d never truly, deeply loved anyone before, not anyone. He’d been on his own as long as he could remember. When he became a man, he made good friends with people like Clint, Stub, Lone Wolf, Miguel, Spike, and, of course, Kathy, Amy, and Will. He’d grown terribly fond of them all, but he’d never lost his heart completely to another person until Marietta came into his life.
Not that Zack hadn’t wormed his way under Jase’s skin, but his feelings for Zack were entirely different from his feelings for Marietta. The light in her room went out, and he stared at her window a moment longer. When he turned away, he made his hand into a fist and slammed it against the wall.
He couldn’t have it both ways. If he wanted to be a part of the land consortium, he’d have to forget about Marietta. He knew that was the right thing to do, or at least part of him knew it. If only he could squelch the part of him telling him he was a blasted fool to let a chance at love pass him by.
If he asked Marietta to stay--and in the unlikely event she took him up on his offer--he’d lose his one shot at immortality and financial success beyond his wildest dreams because he’d have to give up the land speculation.
How could a man choose between two perfect dreams?
~ * ~
Two days before Christmas, Marietta woke to one of the happiest days of her life. She’d promised Zack they’d make cookies together all day long. Zack had coaxed and cajoled Jase into promising he’d help with the tasty Christmas preparations. It would be a wonderful day.
The next two days with Jase would be bliss, and she’d have more sweet memories to tuck inside her heart for the lonely, hungry times in
A knock sounded at her door.
“Aunt Marietta, I’m ready to bake cookies.”
She smiled, went to the door and opened it. “Already, Zack? Don’t you want to eat breakfast first?”
“I’ll have cookies for breakfast, the kind with cinnamon on them.”
She hunched down next to him. “Cookies for breakfast? I don’t know. Don’t you want some meat and potatoes?”
He shook his head until his brains must have started rattling. “Cookies--cookies with cinnamon on them.”
She stood up and folded her arms. “Why not? It’s Christmas. Little boys’ wishes should come true at Christmastime. If you want cookies for breakfast, that’s what we’ll have.” She unfolded her arms and pinched his cheek. “I need to get dressed and wash up, and so do you. I’ll meet you in the kitchen, and we’ll get started on the cookies.”
~ * ~
Jase had tried all day to get his work finished so he could join Marietta and Zack in the kitchen, but there was just too much to do. Zack had begged him to help make Christmas cookies. Jase knew he’d be all thumbs trying to bake pastries--he could fry side meat, steak and potatoes just fine, but cookies were a little too delicate for his big fingers--but he’d do anything to spend time with the two most important people in his life.
When he’d finally finished the necessary work, he went to the bunkhouse to wash up and put on clean clothes, then he went to face what he expected to be one disappointed little boy in his kitchen. He was sure Zack would be upset he hadn’t come earlier to help.
Jase went in the front door and wiped snow from his boots. As he hung his winter wear in the front closet, he heard laughter sing through his house from the kitchen. The warmth of it touched his heart and made him instantly regret not coming inside sooner.