Charlie Ford Meets Secret Agent Man by J.D. Tynan
"Jesus, Charlie, are you hit?"
"No." I shrugged it off and felt completely humiliated, just one more reason for me to feel inferior to men. I bleed once a month, that's clearly a sign of weakness right there.
"Can I get Bella or not?" I snapped.
He nodded and rolled over a couple of times to finish helping me get the African man completely untangled from his harnesses.
The African's face was even more mangled than Vince's was.
I was still leery about taking the Jeep and making that much noise, but Vince said that he had overheard the gang of asses and they weren't due back until tomorrow at sunset, so I pulled up in front of Bella's bush and she wasn't there. It was pitch black outside and one of the only two clouds in the sky had overshadowed the moon; my guts felt tied in knots. What had I done? Some big animal, or even worse, some big South African had come for her. My heart leapt into my throat.
"Be-ll-a," I shouted loudly and dramatically, sounding a lot like Marlon Brando. After all, the names did rhyme.
Then I heard a rustling in another bush.
Hell, all these bushes looked alike. My arrhythmia stopped and Bella came running toward me.
"Are you okay?" I hugged her tightly and I hadn't been so happy to see anyone in my entire life. Somehow, she had become my mission and come hell or high water, I was going to return her to her father in one piece. "Did anything bite you? Did you get scratched by any weird bushes?" I checked her up and down and hugged her again. "We'll be home soon. I promise. I promise." I pressed a kiss into her hair and thanked God for my father, because if it weren't for my father and his many faults, I would not have rebelled against him and learned how to kill people without hesitation.
I roared back to the campsite and rustled up some fresh water, checked around for any sort of radio. I found some sort of short wave radio, but Vince warned me against using it.
"You don't know who's listening," he said as I helped him take off his shirt. He really looked good without a shirt on, but I kept my mind on the task at hand. Although I never went to medical school, I did learn the basics, so I splinted his ankle the best I could and then jammed a syringe of morphine into the hardness of his thigh.
Bella had to be the one who cleaned up his wounds because I don't do blood and there was no amount of elephant crap that would get me to actually play doctor on Vince's mangled face.
I brought enough cots into one tent for everyone to sleep on. I found the main tent and cleared it out, taking everything that I thought we might need, including weapons, maps, Vince's laptop and food. There were mounds of canned food, mostly stew and canned beans, but it was heavenly. I did happen to find two chocolate bars and tucked one aside to torture Vince with, but then again, do men really crave chocolate the way women do? I don't think so, so I ate the second Hershey bar without remorse. I had saved his life tonight, and that was about the last good deed I had in me for the day. I was spent.
Bella filled up on food and climbed in next to Vince while I stayed awake and listened for strange bumps in the night. I doused the fire thoroughly and laid my head back to look at the stars. At least I knew how to appreciate nature while I was out here in the middle of nowhere. I found Orion and the Big Dipper and tried to remember the rest of my astronomy, but it was hard because I wanted to close my eyes so badly.
I had found quite a bit of first aid supplies and I had drugged Vince to high heaven so I knew it wasn't a possibility to take shifts that night. I was just going to have to suck it up and stay awake.
I began daydreaming about doing this sort of thing in even more exotic lands, like Australia and Central America. I bet the bugs in Central America were even larger than my fists so I started dreaming about room service and driving a black-and-white cruiser up and down the city streets—streets with bathrooms and hot coffee and doughnuts. I would have given anything for a cup of hot coffee and a Krispy Kreme.
I had thought so much about what I wanted to do when I grew up and now that it was less than a year away, it scared the hell out of me. I was actually going to buy a house, put down roots, get a job that I had to actually get dressed for and grow up. My life was about to change dramatically. I had just spent the last three and a half years living in other people's homes, taking care of other people's children and basically getting a free ride.
Sure, I worked hard for my paychecks, but the money was astronomical for what I did and the perks were even better. I realized that all those money market accounts and all that money I had saved over the last twelve years was about to be spent. I was going to have a mortgage. I was going to have to pay utilities and buy my own food, pay for my own gas and car insurance. Ahhh. It all sounded so grown up, so unlike me.
I actually smiled for the first time in days. A lazy smile that made all those small insignificant details seem so far away. Right then, survival was my utmost priority and I had a dire feeling that I would never look at life the same way again. I didn't think I would be taking anything for granted for the rest of my days and perhaps I did want to do more than a run-of-the-mill police officer did. Maybe I wanted more, something wilder, something more dangerous. Something like what Vince did. Nah. I laughed in my head. I wasn't that crazy. Besides, I still had no idea what he was up to or who he really was, but I was certainly going to find out.
Chapter Seven
The first chatter of birds jolted me out of my trance at daybreak. It was by far my most favorite time of the day here in Africa. The air was crisp and cool, the animals seemed tamer and more at ease and I liked watching Vince sleep.
"Don't do that," he groaned from under his blanket that he had just tossed over his eyes. Clearly, he had transparent eyelids or had extra sensory perception and had sensed that I was watching him sleep again. "Did you stay up all night?"
His face looked much better since Bella had scrubbed the dried blood from his cuts. They hadn't mangled him as badly as I feared. He still looked ruggedly handsome, even with that disapproving scowl in his face.
"I didn't close them once." I yawned, but was ready for answers, not ready for sleep. "How's your pain? I have more morphine." I patted the first aid pouch next to me.
"Why don't you go clean yourself up and Bella can find you some new pants." I guess he had more of a problem with my lack of maxi-pads then he did with his broken ankle.
He nudged Bella in the back.
She stirred and sat upright on her cot. "I had the weirdest dream." She shook her little blonde head and frowned. "Dinosaurs were coming to get us."
I giggled because it had been a long night, and I was happy that she was dreaming about big imaginary beasts rather than real ones, and then I scowled at Vince once I realized how Bella was going to get me new pants. "She's not touching D-E-A-D people."
Vince chuckled and Bella frowned.
"I can spell you know," she said.
Vince laughed again and dropped his weary head back onto his cot.
"Sorry," I said. "I'm so used to babysitting toddlers. I forgot."
"My duffle is in the tent that I was kept in. You can have some of my pants," Vince continued once his laughter died down.
"Thank you."
I went into the tent, retrieved the duffel, changed my pants, tore open a couple of pillows and made authentic African maxi pads with the cotton. Then I wondered what tribeswomen wore or maybe they were just lucky enough not to have periods.
I shook my head with a smirk, went through the rest of his duffle, and found more chocolate and a fancy flask with the initials R.M. etched into the bottom. I smelled the flask. It smelled like fine cognac and then I took the duffle to Vince… if that was his real name.
When I returned after eating his last chocolate bar, he was sitting up helping Bella bandage the African's arms. "Do you know who he is? Why are you here? Who are you following and who is R.M?"
"Jesus." He wiped his brow with the back of his wrist.
It was already scorching hot and I had just made him squirm.
"I never asked you to," he snapped fiercely. Well, I wasn't expecting that big of a thank you.
"Buffoon," I grumbled through my gnashing teeth. I was so stinking mad I couldn't look at him anymore. I quickly pulled his laptop off the table and flipped it on. A blank home page blinked at me and asked for a password. "Shit," I shouted and pounded my fists down on the metal camp table.
"Did you happen to learn encryption in the Army?" He said with conceit, disdain, and something else that I couldn't quite decipher. I think it was just pure bruised pride. A woman had saved his life and now he was going to make me feel inferior for the rest of my life because of it. "I saved your life too, you know. You were about to untie the ringleader. Didn't they teach you anything in the Army?"
Okay, so now I was more than convinced. It was the way he kept saying Army that tipped me off. He was a Marine or had at least been one at one time. It's no secret that the two don't get along. Sure, we're all on the same team, but the Marines are some of the most hard-core, war-mongering sons-of-bitches I have ever met. However, in a good way. I completely hold them in the highest regard, I just don't like to sit around and bullshit with them because it always ends in a pissing contest or a who-has-the-biggest-dick contest. Needless to say, I don't have one of those so I end up feeling quite small around Marines.
"I'm sorry," I said with my head held high. "I didn't mean to insult you the other day, I was just angry. I don't think Marines are cocksuckers. In fact, I hold them in the highest regard. Present company excluded of course." I meant it to be cocky and tinted with spite and I think I pulled it off, because he pulled me into his lap. Boy, he was fast.
We were then nose to nose again and that must have been when he smelled the chocolate on my breath. "Did you eat my chocolate?" he asked breathlessly. His entire Yoga persona had gone out the window. He was either just as turned on as I was, or he was beyond pissed off that I stole yet another one of his candy bars. I was hoping for turned on.
"Yes." I gulped and smiled. "Are you going to start giving me some answers now?"
He licked his lips. They were dry and coarse and pretty banged up but I really wanted him to kiss me.
Then I turned my head because Bella was gawking at us and I really didn't think he was going to kiss me. I think he was going to rip out my tongue and eat it for breakfast. Yep. He's a Marine all right.
I cleared my throat, got off his lap and grabbed up the supplies. It was time to start loading the Jeeps to get the hell out of there and find a phone. Bella helped me load up the African man who had opened his eyes for a couple of minutes and smiled. Most likely because I had shot his ass full of morphine and he was delusional and thought we were his harem or something. I piled on the boxes of food, all the guns I could find. I smashed the radio to bits and then stacked even more supplies into another Jeep.
Vince looked at me strangely.
"Bella can drive one," I said as I loaded up the rest of the blankets and pillows.
Bella jumped up and down, arms flailing in the air as if she were at an N'Sync concert.
"Can you drive?" Vince narrowed his eyes on the girl.
She nodded emphatically.
I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Sure she can. You and she can take one, and I'll take Mystery Man in the other."
"Charlie." his eyes narrowed. I don't think he liked me telling him what to do. Vince liked to be the one in control. He had a penis dangling between his thighs and he wanted me to know it. "Can I talk to you in private?" By the tone of his voice, I was convinced he was actually going to show it to me.
I asked Bella to wait by the other Jeep, but I wanted to keep her in my sights.
"What?" I started on the defensive. He was perched against the hood on the Jeep, keeping his weight off his bad leg. "You can't drive in your condition, can you?" I asked rhetorically.
"No." That must have been hard for him to admit. He swallowed hard. "Do you want the bad news or the bad news?"
Nothing could possibly shock me at that point so I asked for the bad news first. I stared at him and waited for his response. His head hung low and he shook it from side to side before speaking. At that point, I half expected him to say he was going to ditch us again.
He pulled his laptop to his chest, did some fast fingering and then turned the screen so that I could see it. "This is where we are." He pointed to the screen. To me it just looked like an ordinary map. Big green and brown patches with little black dotted lines and a couple of thin blue lines and a couple of big blue globs that I assumed were bodies of water. "This is where we need to get to." He pointed to another spot on the map. "We could go here, but my guess is that thirty men with semi-automatics would be waiting for us."
"Can't you just signal for an extraction right here?" I asked.
His expression changed. I don't think he liked that I knew his jargon, or his intentions. I think he liked being Rambo.
"Didn't you pay attention during class, little girl?"
My blood boiled in my veins. One—I hated being called little girl. My brother Dave used to call me that when I wanted to play football with the boys in the backyard or follow them to the pond to catch frogs. Two—I hated that he was right. I hadn't paid attention and right after I opened my mouth and suggested it, I felt like an ignoramus.
"I know." I rolled my eyes. "There's protocol, procedures and little imaginary lines in the sand." I looked at him and I think he was impressed. Good for me. "It's your show. You tell me what you think we should do."
He scratched his chin. He had a nice chin. It was very manly. I can't believe that even for one second I ever thought he was a nerd. "We could go west, but it's possibly a two-day drive and we probably don't have enough gas."
Okay. I looked at the sky and took a deep breath. Perhaps I did pay attention in Yoga class.
Bad guys with guns or we take our chances in the wild. We had vehicles, at least for a while; we had food, water and pillows. "I vote for heading west."
"Are you sure?"
"Um, let me think about that?" I narrowed my eyes.
"Thirty men with guns?"
There was a long moment of silence between us until he looked up from the screen and looked right into my brown eyes.
"Thanks."
I don't know why he said it but he did.
"For what?"
I liked the genuine smile on his face just about as much as I liked his hand on the back of my neck.
"For saving my life." He rubbed his coarse thumb up and down the side of my throat.
Wow!
He dropped his hand from my neck when Bella cleared her throat loudly. I think she was becoming uncomfortable watching over the African gent. Either that or she didn't want to witness me making out with Secret Agent Man. Hell, she'd already witnessed me kissing her father, she probably already thought I was a ho as it was.
Bummer. I thought for sure he was going to kiss me again.
"Who is this guy?" I asked Vince, but he didn't answer.
He climbed into the passenger seat of Jeep number two. Bella bolted into the driver's side. Elation lit up her face. She started the engine and beamed over at me. I loved to see her smile.
"Easy now," I heard Vince say, and then I started my own engine and we were off.
The African man woke up a number of times, vomited out the side of the Jeep, and then passed out again. I stopped a couple of times, to give him water and readjust his head on the blanket. I hoped that it was the morphine making him sleep and not a prelude to death. I didn't want anyone else to die on our little expedition. I knew that Bella and I would be okay and I had a strong feeling that Vince would survive, but I was beginning to wonder about the Mystery Man. I then began wondering if Mystery Man was the key to this entire mess. After all, he was the only dark-skinned one that the South Africans hadn't killed off. Clearly, he had been tortured within an inch of his life and I felt proud that I had sh
I looked behind me at this point and Bella seemed to be holding her own.
Vince on the other hand, looked downright petrified. Every so often, I would hear her yelp with excitement and she would speed up ahead of me, wave and then he would wave his hands frantically and she would slow down.
When the sun was beating down directly from above, and I had finished singing every lyric to every television show I had ever seen, I pulled over under the canopy of a large tree and cut the engine just as I finished with…here on Gilligan's Isle.
I could hear rushing water in the distance and I was hot.
"We can stop here for lunch," I said, as I jumped down from my Jeep, and shimmied my ass because it had fallen asleep.
"Stop for lunch?" Vince growled. "What do you think this is? Summer camp?"
"The child needs to eat."
I could hear Bella's stomach growl even over his exaggerated grunts.
He watched from the Jeep with gun in hand while I fed Bella some chili and fruit.
I then took off down the hill toward the rushing water. I'd always had a predisposition to water, even as a kid. My mother used to scream and yell at me because I wouldn't get out of the bathtub when she wanted me too. Then when I was older, she would scream and yell at me because I never got out of the pool. What can I say? I'm part fish.
The water felt so wonderful against my hot skin. I peeled off all my clothes, washed each piece against a coarse stone and laid them on a flat rock to dry while I gallivanted around in the cold water. Bella joined me and, yeah, for a minute, it felt a bit like summer camp. I, for once, was having fun and taking the time to stop and smell the roses. I needed to clear my head and take inventory of what was most important to me.
I was shocked to admit that my family was the most important thing to me. I really wanted to make amends with my brothers and get to know their wives and children. Little Randy and Carla were already three and five and I had only seen them once. Dave's little boy, Marcus, had just turned one and I didn't even bother to send the little guy a birthday card with money in it. I wasn't doing a very good job as Aunt Charlie. I needed to stop being so damn self-involved and stop blaming my father for everything. Laying my head back in the water for a moment, I truly appreciated that I was alive to feel the things that I was feeling.