Cherish Hard by Nalini Singh

"Is he hiring a buff personal masseuse named Sven?"

  "Hell no." He glared at her. "The masseuse is a fifty-year-old former bodybuilder named Helga. Now, can I carry on?"

  Pretending to zip up her lips and throw away the key, Isa made a "go on" motion.

  "Future Sailor is also creating a huge walk-in closet for you and filling it with designer shoes and clothes. He's giving you everything your heart desires."

  A flicker of darkness in Isa's gaze, but she didn't interrupt... though her hands went still on his shoulders.

  "And there's a tricked-out nursery too," he added. "Plus a private playground for our rug rats."

  Throat moving, Isa said, "How many?" It was a husky question.

  "Seven, I think."

  "Very funny, mister."

  "I'm not done." Sailor was the one who swallowed this time. "And in this fantasy house, future Sailor walks in late for dinner again because of a board meeting, and he has a gorgeous, sexy, brilliant wife and adorable children. But his redhead doesn't look at him the same anymore. And it doesn't matter how many shoes he buys her or how many necklaces he gives her, she's never again going to look at him the way she did before he stomped on her heart."

  40

  Dreams and Devotion

  ISA'S LOWER LIP BEGAN TO quiver, but she didn't speak.

  "I'm so sorry, baby." Sailor cupped her face, made sure she saw the sheer terror he felt at the thought of losing her. "I've been so tied to this idea of becoming a grand success that I forgot what it was all about in the first place--being there for the people I love. Sticking through the good and the bad. Never abandoning them."

  Silent tears rolled down Isa's face.

  "But that great plan of mine?" he said, determined not to give himself any easy outs. "It'd have meant abandoning everyone. How can I be there for anyone when all I do is work? When I shove aside all other commitments? When the people I love hesitate to ask for my time because I'm too tired and too busy?"

  Using his thumbs, he rubbed away her tears. More splashed onto the backs of his hands, her hurt as hot as acid. "Spitfire, please," he begged, breaking. "I'll let you punch me as many times as you want if you stop crying. With a big red glove. And you can post photos online."

  Isa pressed her lips together, blinked rapidly several times. And pretended to punch him with one fist, the touch a butterfly kiss.

  Catching her hand, he pressed his lips to it. "That's more like my Isa." He wrapped his arms around her again. And then he told her the most important thing. "I realized that I could become a multimillionaire, but it would mean nothing if my redhead didn't look at me the way she does now, if she expected to have to take care of everything alone like she's always done--because her man was a selfish bastard who was never there."

  Isa rubbed her nose against his. "You're being very hard on future Sailor," she whispered, her voice gone throaty.

  "That dumbass deserves it," Sailor growled. "He was going to put his desire to be a big man above his amazing, smart, loving redhead." Thrusting his fingers into her hair, he stole a kiss. It tasted of salt, and that just infuriated him again. "I love you, Isalind Rain. You are the most important part of my dream. Please tell me I haven't fucked up beyond redemption?"

  * * *

  ISA COULD BARELY SPEAK. "IF I say you have?" she finally whispered with a smile.

  "I'll tell you how my cat died yesterday so you'll feel sorry for me." A downturned, pathetic face. "Poor Fluffy. I had him for twenty-three years. I walked him every day."

  Laughing wetly, she said, "I think a cat that geriatric has earned his rest."

  "Isa." And there it was, his emotions laid bare. No defenses. No walls. The love, the devotion in him, it gutted her.

  Never, not in her wildest dreams, had she dared to imagine that she'd be that important to someone. As if she was air and without her, he couldn't breathe.

  "I love you too," she whispered. "And I forgive future Sailor for being a dumbass." Linking her arms around his neck, she spoke through the storm inside her. "In fact, I think future Sailor is going to be an incredible man I'll adore more with each and every day."

  "Yeah?" His lips kicked up in that familiar smile, but there was a question in his eyes, a quiet hunger. "What's he going to do?"

  Isa knew what he was asking her, what he needed her to tell him. "He's going to be a man who works hard but who has time for the people he loves. And he definitely has time to get up to wicked things with a certain redhead."

  "I like this guy's priorities already."

  "He's also the kind of father who takes a turn doing the school run because he enjoys spending time with his child." It was scary doing this, laying out her dreams, but Sailor had given her everything.

  Isa would be brave enough to give him the same back. "He has time to play with his baby, and to kiss his wife, and even if he forgets things now and then, or if he gets a little busy for a while, it's all right because his wife and child and all the members of his family know they're loved beyond measure." Perfection had never been what Isa wanted. "Because when it matters, he's there. He sees the people who love him."

  Demon-blue eyes solemn, Sailor said, "I can do that." It was a vow. "I can be that guy."

  "You already are," Isa whispered. "You're my dream, Sailor."

  But Sailor shook his head. "You ain't seen nothing yet, spitfire. I'm going to court the hell out of you." After a meditative pause, he added, "Nakedness during said courting is optional but highly encouraged."

  He was wonderful. And he was hers.

  Isa felt like a kid in a candy store.

  Tumbling him onto the sand, that muscled body hard and warm under her own, she said, "Tell me the truth."

  "About what?" His hands shaped her rear. "How much I love fondling you?"

  "Shh." She looked up with a pounding heart. "What if one of your parents comes out?" she asked, Devil Isa suddenly turning into a scandalized prude who wouldn't dream of doing anything naughty.

  "I've caught them making out twice this summer alone." Winking, Sailor tucked his hands inside her pajama pants. "We keep telling them to get a room."

  Not about to be distracted, Isa pinned him with her gaze. "You've been working on your business plan for years." It had been his driving ambition, the shining star on the horizon. "You really want to make it come true, don't you?"

  "Not at the cost of us" was the firm response, his hands equally firm where they massaged her weak, weak flesh.

  Slipping off him, she lay on her back on the sand. Which left him free to come up over her. "I like this position too," he said as he bent to kiss her neck.

  "Sailor, this is serious."

  He looked up at her tone, his expression solemn. "I'm okay with the trade-off, spitfire. I get you. The rest is immaterial."

  But Isa knew about dreams and about how much it hurt to give them up. Sailor had made hers come true with a raw passion she'd remember to her last breath. She wasn't about to do any less for him. For her blue-eyed demon who looked at her as if she was his Christmas.

  "Tell me your plan," she said. "I won't stop asking, so just give in and spill."

  Bracing himself on his forearm beside her, his free hand on her abdomen, Sailor narrowed his eyes. "I should've brought the handcuffs."

  "If you play nice," Isa said, "when we get back home, I'll show you the ones I bought for you."

  His eyes glinted. Then he began to speak.

  His plan was beautiful and detailed, and Isa's business brain flared at the simple brilliance of it. It was like Crafty Corners, a basic idea taken to the next level. But where Jacqueline's breakthrough had been in crafts, Sailor's focus was on plants. Specifically, on small gardening stores that didn't just sell plants and other garden items but that became a community hub through a finely tuned program of events, classes, and hiring local.

  The entire concept was based on building bonds and adapting to the needs of a specific area. No cookie-cutter shops. Each one would be unique, its personality forme
d by the local environment and community. As such, it would also feature the work of local artisans who created handcrafted items that could be used or placed in gardens, such as one-of-a-kind mosaics--thus drawing in another sector of the community.

  The boutique, child-friendly cafes within would be the icing on the cake.

  "Damn it," Isa muttered. "We have to figure out how to pull it off."

  "What?" Sailor blinked.

  "It's too good a plan to abandon." She tapped her lower lip. "Money is the problem. Especially since you want to do it on your own." Isa didn't make the mistake of offering him financial help--that would break Sailor's heart.

  It was so important to him that he didn't take, that he gave.

  She saw his scars now, understood how deep they went. "Did you ask anyone else for the loan?"

  Looking wary, he said, "No," and she realized he thought she was talking about family.

  "An angel investor," she said with a poke to his chest. "That's what you need. Someone who'll forward you the money on the strength of your idea and your track record so far. Someone who takes risks on start-ups in the hope of a big payoff." She frowned. "I know you want to go it alone--"

  "No, I have nothing against an investor," Sailor said. "It's a commercial decision for them, and they'd be getting a return. It's just, with family..."

  Isa could see him struggling to find the words to explain. "I understand, Sailor. It's a different ballgame when it's a bank or an investor for whom this type of thing is their business--any risk is weighed and calculated, no emotions involved. They won't invest in you out of love, and they expect you to return far more than they're giving.."

  Sailor nodded. "That's exactly it." His kiss was tender, his hand stroking the curve of her waist. "But with an angel investor--I thought that kind of thing was only for tech start-ups?"

  "Are you kidding? My mother has a fund set aside for investment opportunities at the ground level." She winced. "And oh God, Jacqueline will kill me because I didn't nudge you in her direction, but we must all sacrifice for love." If Sailor didn't want family investment, then so be it.

  "I know that world," she continued. "I can do the basic research for you, find out which investors are reliable and trustworthy." Isa would turn barracuda for this, make damn sure no one unscrupulous got their claws into Sailor's dream. "You'd have to do the hard sell yourself, but since you convinced Jacqueline over the phone, I have total faith in your ability to talk your way into an agreement."

  Catching his stunned expression, she winced. "Um, that is, if you want my help."

  He kissed her, all heat and smile. "You're amazing, spitfire. I'm so glad I wasn't a dumbass." When she laughed, he peppered her face with kisses. "But Isa," he said in a more serious tone, "if this doesn't work, never think I'll have regrets. Not for a single fucking second."

  Nothing but resolve in his expression.

  Nothing but a love that said he saw her and adored her.

  "I won't," she managed to get out. "But... we're going to do it." Because she loved him back just as madly.

  "Has anyone ever told you that you're stubborn?"

  "It's a gift."

  Epilogue

  (It Involves Monsters, Terror, a Dragon, and True Love)

  * * *

  ISA TRIED TO REMEMBER TO do that "huff, huff, huff" breathing she'd been taught. "It's happening," she said almost to herself, putting down the volume of Elizabeth Barrett Browning sonnets she'd been reading. "Harlow, Jake."

  The two boys, who were hanging out in her and Sailor's lounge playing video games, didn't take their eyes from the screen on which they were vanquishing monsters and hunting treasure.

  "Yeah?" one mumbled.

  "Hospital."

  The single word had them jumping up like jackrabbits, game forgotten and abandoned. On the screen, a monster ate Harlow's head while another bore down on Jake with predatory intent. The boys, however, had other priorities.

  One went to the cupboard to snag the bag she'd packed and put in there, while the other grabbed his keys. Both were qualified to drive, but it was the more experienced Harlow who was assigned as driver. Because this entire smoothly oiled operation was as a result of Sailor's unrelenting care--and slight terror.

  Isa called her husband as she got into the front passenger seat. "Snookums," she said in a private joke that still made her smile, "I'm on my way to the hospital."

  A sucked-in breath. "Meet you there."

  She smiled as she hung up and began to do her breathing again, her mind filling with thoughts of what it had taken to get here, to this moment when she was about to give birth to her and Sailor's baby, adding a tiny new person to their already huge extended family. It hadn't been easy. It had taken determination and grit and a firm belief in both their dreams.

  Also included had been the vanquishing of a dragon.

  Jacqueline had not been pleased when Isa handed in her notice at the end of the previous summer. She'd been gearing up for more blackmail when Isa told her to make a choice--a relationship with her eldest child and any children Isa might have, or a cold, empty existence devoid of any family contact.

  Unspoken had been the fact that if Isa cut her off, Jacqueline would have to maintain the bonds with Catie and Harlow on her own. And Jacqueline frankly sucked at being maternal. It was Isa who was the glue, Isa who made sure Jacqueline wasn't lost and out in the cold.

  "As for Harlow," Isa had pointed out, "he'll be fine." The summer had been good for her brother--he'd come out of the internship with a new confidence that had girls suddenly giving him a second look. He was still in awe of Jacqueline, but at least now he knew he could hack it in a business workplace.

  "If you think I'm letting that boy go after all the work I put into him this summer," Jacqueline had snarled, "your head's been addled by love hormones." A gimlet-eyed glance. "When did you learn to be so ruthless?"

  "I have your genes," Isa had said with a dry smile. "I try to keep the ruthless under control, but every so often it just bursts out."

  A twitch of her mother's lips. "You know you have me over a barrel." There was a strange vulnerability to her in that moment. "I have no desire to grow old surrounded by money and no children but Trevor." Her lips curled up. "He sent me flowers the other day. As if Jacqueline Rain's forgiveness can be charmed."

  Caught by that vulnerability, Isa had done something she rarely did--she'd hugged her mother, the scent of Jacqueline's perfume swirling around them. When she drew back, she'd held her mother's eyes. "Keep the dragon breath under control and we'll be fine. Also, you need to schedule a visit to Catie this weekend and take her out for a mother-daughter lunch."

  Jacqueline's eyes had glinted, but she'd made the appointment in her diary. Then she'd sighed. "Poetry, Isa, really? You're truly going to waste that incredible, ruthless mind on poetry?"

  "Nope. I'm going to use it to educate thousands of young minds through the years--and hopefully, one day, send my own words out into the world." Isa felt nothing but peace with the choices she'd made. "I'm also going to use it to love my family and create a legacy of love."

  Expression softening in a way Isa had rarely seen, Jacqueline had touched her fingers to Isa's cheek. "Does that Sailor Bishop know what he's got? Does he understand the gift of you?"

  Yes, Isa thought now, he did.

  Two weeks ago, he'd brought her home a surprise, a refurbished antique writing desk that Isa adored and petted and sighed over every time she sat down to work on her poetry. Sailor had found the beat-up and badly treated desk online, then brought it back to a lovely condition himself.

  He'd stashed it in Gabriel's garage and worked on it during the times when Isa was in Hamilton to see Catie. Sailor usually came along, but every so often, she and Catie would have a girls' weekend and he'd stay back to hang out with Gabe, his older brother's life having been turned upside down as a result of a career-ending on-field injury.

  "Gabe's always been impossibly strong," Sailor had said to
her a month after it happened. "That grit's still there, under the grief. He just needs a little support to find it again."

  Isa agreed with Sailor; she had a feeling Gabe would surprise them all with his next step in life. What she also saw was that the brothers shared an innate strength--they simply showed it in different ways. The man she loved with all her heart and soul grinned and just kept on going step by step, while Gabriel was more intense

  As for those girls' weekends she had with Catie, Jacqueline was starting to turn up and join in once out of every three times. Mostly because Isa would call her assistant and make sure Jacqueline's schedule was blocked out for the weekend. But at least the Dragon was making an effort. And it was slowly paying off; Catie going as far as to invite Jacqueline to a school event--to which Isa had driven Jacqueline when her mother made noises about canceling in favor of a strategy meeting.

  Dragons didn't change their scales without some help.

  Harlow wasn't only thriving, he'd become best friends with Jake despite the year that separated them and the fact that Jake was as sporty as Harlow wasn't. Isa's brother was also, for the first time in his life, part of a group of boys and men who hung out together doing "manly-man stuff" as Catie had put it.

  He'd gone white-water rafting with the Bishop-Esera males, tutored Danny in chemistry, and analyzed entire rugby games for Jake using statistical methods. Inspired by Jake's dreams of playing for international clubs, he'd also been talking to Isa about working abroad after he qualified.

  Her brother was like a butterfly coming out of his cocoon.

  Catie, meanwhile, had finally stopped growing--after reaching five feet nine. Which annoyed poor Danny no end. Sailor's baby brother was still the shortest kid in his class, but Isa had started to spot the signs of a growth spurt. Given the family genes, she had a feeling he'd one day be able to loom over Catie.

  To which point Catie had the perfect comeback: "I'll just get taller prosthetics."

  Laughing inwardly at the memory of Danny and Catie's last bickering session, Isa stroked her hand over her belly, her thoughts on the man who'd made her dreams into reality. Tough or not, she and Sailor had done it together every step of the way, sharing their dreams with one another and in so doing, making those dreams even better.

 
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