Dear Bridget, I Want You by Penelope Ward
Brendan turned the helmet over and pointed. Little B was inscribed. While my son thought that was the coolest thing ever, it made me sad to think every time I saw it would be a reminder of Simon—especially after he was gone for his new job.
“Can we go play games now?” The boys had gobbled their food and were anxious to attack the overpriced, money-eating machines.
I took out the gift card Mom had sent. “Yes, but no leaving this room. Not even to go to the bathroom, Brendan. I mean it. You, too, Kenny. If you need to go, let me know, and I’ll walk with you. You both stay in this big game room only. And don’t talk to strangers.”
Brendan rolled his eyes. “Fine.”
“Go ahead.” I’d barely finished the words when the little boys took off running. I looked at Simon. “Am I too overprotective?”
“This feels like a trap question.”
“What do you mean?”
“If I say yes, you’re overprotective, you’re going to argue with me that you’re not. If I say no, then I’m lying to you. It’s a no-win situation.”
“So you think I’m overprotective.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But only because you’re trying to avoid arguing with me?”
Simon smiled. “How about a glass of wine for you?”
“I’d love that. But I can’t. I drove here.”
“I’ll leave my car in the parking lot and drive us all home in your car.”
“But then how will you get to Calliope’s later?”
“I can stay in my old room, and you can drive me back here tomorrow morning.”
While it was tempting since Simon being back had me on edge and a glass of wine would definitely help, it wasn’t a good idea. “That’s okay. But thank you for the offer.”
Simon nodded, looking disappointed.
Since the day we’d met, I’d always felt comfortable around Simon. But now there was awkwardness between us, and I wasn’t sure if it was just me, or we both felt it. I hesitated to make conversation because in my mind, all roads led to Simon moving back to England. But that was selfish of me. I needed to suck it up and get it out of the way so we could go back to normal. Well, as normal as the two of us could be until he left.
“So. Tell me about the job in England.”
“It’s a private practice in Leeds. I’d be an internist with nine to five hours.”
“Wow.” I did my best to feign excitement, even managed a toothy smile. “You must be looking forward to that after all the crazy shifts you work.”
“Set hours would be nice, yes.”
It was difficult to look at Simon, because it felt like he could see right through my lies. I traced a figure eight in the condensation on my soda glass. “That’s great. I’m happy for you, Simon.”
When I didn’t look up, he placed two fingers under my chin and gently lifted my head until our gazes met. “I’m not taking the job, Bridget.”
“What? Why?”
“Because it’s three-thousand miles away.”
I was afraid to let hope spark for fear of being burned. “I don’t understand.”
“I was hoping to have this conversation in private. But you aren’t going to let me get anywhere near you and a quiet room. So, I guess this is as good of a place as any.”
Of course, Brendan and his friend picked that moment to run back to our table. “Look at all these we won!” The boys were clutching fistfuls of tickets.
“Wow. That’s great, sweetheart.”
“We’re going to leave them with you so we don’t lose any.”
“Okay.”
The boys stuffed the tickets into plastic cups and then ran off again. I turned my attention back to Simon. Just as he was about to speak, the waitress came to check on us. “Can I get you anything else?”
I looked at Simon who was laughing at yet another interruption. “We’ll have a glass of Cabernet and the check, please.”
“You’re drinking wine?”
“No. You are. As soon as she returns with the check, you’re going to chug that glass. Then we’re going to go beat the boys at a game of two-on-two air hockey, followed by spending a half-hour in the ticket redemption center so the two of them can pick out junk worth a dollar that cost fifty to win. After that, I’m going to drive you home so we can talk in private after Brendan goes to sleep.”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Telling. But hopefully you’ll be good with that plan.”
I squinted at Simon as he put the car into drive. “Did you have something to do with that?”
“What?”
“Brendan’s friend just conveniently invited him for a sleepover, and now we are going to have the house alone to ourselves? I saw you and Brendan whispering when you kicked my and Kenny’s butts in air hockey.”
We’d just dropped the boys off at Kenny’s and were heading to my house. After the bomb that Simon dropped on me that he wasn’t taking the job in England, my one glass of wine had turned into two. It actually worked to loosen me up, and the four of us had a great time playing air hockey. Not to mention, Simon had rolled up his shirtsleeves, and every time he whacked the puck, the muscles in his forearm flexed. So, yeah, wine and air hockey did the trick. But now that it was just the two of us about to be alone in my house, I was nervous. So nervous.
“I had nothing to do with that invitation. Everything is falling into place just as Pokémon said it would.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Inside the house, my nervousness escalated. When Simon unlocked the door and put his hand on my hip to usher me inside, I nearly leaped out of my skin.
“You’re jumpy.”
“You touched a ticklish spot,” I lied.
“I’ll have to remember that.”
Simon set the keys on the kitchen counter, and I went right to the refrigerator for more anti-nerve serum. “Thank you for driving us home. Would you like a glass of wine now?”
“Sure.”
I poured us each a glass and invited Simon to sit in the living room. As we entered, I flicked on the light. Simon flicked it off right behind me. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“It’s a full moon. The room is lit enough because you have the blinds open.”
He was right. The lighting streaming in from outside was beautiful. It gave off a soft glow that was peaceful and relaxing. Together we sat on the couch.
I shut my eyes and tried to let it all sink in—the wine, the moon, the late hour—hoping I’d find my calm. But when I opened my eyes again, Simon was staring at me in the most intense way. “What? You’re making me nervous with how serious you look right now.”
“Sorry.” He brought his wine to his lips and proceeded to down the entire glass in one long chug.
“Thirsty?” I laughed nervously.
Simon set his glass on the table and then took mine from my hand, placing it down next to his.
“What if I wanted to chug mine like you just did yours?”
“You can do that after I’m done. Hell, I’ll down another one and join you after I spit out what I need to say.”
Simon shifted and turned to face me head-on. He took both of my hands into his, and I realized he looked as nervous as I felt. Once our gazes were locked, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath before starting. “I can’t take the job in Leeds or anywhere else because I can’t leave you. I think if I even tried, gravity would pull me right back.” He paused, and his voice turned soft. “The first time I saw you, I felt it and it scared me. When I moved in and realized it was you again, I thought it had to be a big coincidence, and I was afraid to get to know you. When I kissed you, it scared the living shit out of me, and I wanted to pull away. But when I tried, I realized I couldn’t, and that scared me even more. Then I went back to England and thought about what my life would be like without you in it, and I finally realized that I was more afraid of losing you than I was of finding you. I love you, Bridget. So much
My heart was thundering in my chest so hard that it actually made me a little nervous for my health. A sheen of cold sweat formed on my neck, my forehead, my palms. Simon’s nerves must have been shot waiting for me to respond. He squeezed my hands. “Bridget…say something.”
I swallowed a lump of tears in my throat and tasted salt. “I don’t know what to say.”
His smile was nervous. “How about, Simon – I’m madly in love with you, too. Now get that big rig up and running and drive it into my naughty garage.”
I scrunched up my nose.
“No? Not working for you, huh? Okay. How about, Simon – my love for you is brighter than all the stars in the sky. Now let’s go put some sour cream on the big burrito.”
I laughed. “You’re really disgusting.”
Simon reached around to my ass and pulled me closer to him. His face turned serious and his voice was low. “Oh yeah? But you love me anyway, right?”
Ben was the only man I’d ever said those words to. I’d known for a while that I was falling in love with Simon, but since I never really believed that he’d be saying those words to me, I didn’t bother to freak out about how I might feel saying them aloud the first time. Now here it was suddenly, and I felt panicked.
I stared at him like a deer in the headlights.
Simon blew out a shaky breath. “Talk to me, Bridget. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I’m scared.” I finally managed to croak out.
“That makes two of us. I’m fucking terrified.”
“What if it doesn’t work out, Simon?”
“What if it does?”
“What if you’re miserable here in the States and go back home in a few months?”
“What if I stay forever and we’re happy?”
I looked down. Simon was being so honest and putting so much on the line, I needed to do the same. A tear streaked down my face. “I’ve never said those words to anyone except for…”
Simon closed his eyes and nodded. “Except for your husband.”
I reached out and took Simon’s hand, placing it over my heart. “Do you feel that? You made it beat again. It’s yours. I couldn’t have changed that even if you’d decided to go back to England.”
Simon cupped both my cheeks. “The words aren’t important. You’ll say them when you’re ready.” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “I love you, Bridget Valentine. I’ll just tell you twice as much for now.”
I’d never given any thought to the difference between having sex and making love before. But what Simon and I experienced tonight was definitely the latter. He truly made love to me. It was beautiful and moving, and if I had any doubt that the words he’d shared with me earlier in the night weren’t genuine, I was certain now. You couldn’t fake what just happened between us. Game changing. Life changing.
My head rested on his firm chest as he stroked my damp hair. “That was…” he said. “…I don’t know what that was, but I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
“I know. It was magical. Makes you almost want to never do it again because there’s nowhere to go but down from that.”
I suddenly found myself lifted into the air and flipped onto my back. Simon hovered over me. “Not a fucking chance, woman.”
I giggled. “You sound a little like a caveman.”
Simon caressed my cheek. “How do you want this to work, luv?”
“What do you mean?”
“Should I take that apartment I found?”
God, there was so much to think about. “I don’t know, Simon. I guess I need a little time for this all to sink in. It’s not just me that I have to worry about. Brendan is already attached to you, and I’m not sure he’s ready to see you in my bed.”
Simon searched my eyes. “Sweetheart, where are we right now?”
“I’m not sure what you’re asking? We’re at my house, of course.”
“Yes, but where?”
“In the converted garage. In your room.”
“Why aren’t we in your room? I asked you where you wanted to go. All of your stuff is in your room. This room is practically empty.”
I opened my mouth to say it wasn’t what he thought, and then closed it.
Simon’s smile warmed my heart. He brushed his lips across mine. “It’s okay. Brendan isn’t the only one who needs some time. Take all that you need. I’m not going anywhere anymore, and you’re worth the wait.”
The doorbell rang while I was finishing up in the shower. Bridget had just left for the grocery store, and I’d planned to fix the flat on her bicycle while she was out. We thought we’d surprise Brendan and take him to the bike trail that ran through town later today when he got home. Hopping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around my waist and yelled, “One minute!” so I could pull on some pants before opening the front door. But as I passed the window in the kitchen, I saw the truck parked outside and thought better of putting on clothes.
“Nick—buddy. How’s it going?” I opened the door and smiled broadly.
Nolan looked me up and down. “It’s Nolan. I thought you didn’t live here anymore?”
I hung onto the top of the door and made sure to flex. “Ah. That was a little misunderstanding. I’d just returned from a trip back home to England. But I’m back now. So we won’t be needing your services anymore. I can take care of the bedroom for Bridget. Sorry to make you come out here this morning. We would have called earlier, but we slept in after being up half the night. You know how it goes when you get back from a trip, mate.”
“Uhh…Is Bridget home?” He tried to look around me, but I filled most of the doorway.
“Nope.”
“I’ll just give her a call then.”
Considering she’d forgotten her cell on the kitchen table, I thought that was a great idea. “Good. Yes, you do that.”
I shut the door. Change of plans. I needed to spackle a wall before patching a bike tire.
Bridget stormed inside of the bedroom where I was working on the wall.
“What the hell did you do, Simon?”
I was covered in patch paint. “Hello to you, too, luv.”
“You fired Nolan and didn’t even consult with me. I just got his voicemail. You can’t fire someone who doesn’t work for you.”
“I thought I already made it clear that I had this situation under control. Why pay someone when I can do the work myself?”
“You didn’t have a right to make that decision. I had promised him the work.”
“I don’t want him in your bedroom. You don’t know who he is, and I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you didn’t have a right to make that decision for me!”
I could feel my face burning up with anger. “Why don’t you tell me what rights I do have, then? Who am I to you, Bridget? Your boyfriend? Your roommate? Your fuck buddy? What the hell are we doing? I came back from England to tell you that I love you, that I want a life with you, and you haven’t even answered me as to whether I should find a new flat or not.” I placed my hand on her chin, prompting her to look up at me. “Do you want me here?”
Her eyes were moist and her breathing quickened. I hoped I hadn’t scared her.
She finally answered, “Yes. I do want you here. It just feels…hard to believe, okay?”
My tone softened. “What does?”
“That you’re really staying. I can’t seem to…truly believe it.”
“Was I not clear on my reasons for turning down the job?”
“You were…I just…I guess I don’t understand why you would choose this life over that one.”
Did she seriously believe I would be better off without her?
“If it’s hard to understand why I love you, that’s because it’s not real
“It’s not just me in this scenario…”
“You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I know what an incredible responsibility this is?”
“Exactly! Why would you choose it?”
She seemed to think she was making a point I hadn’t already long considered.
“Incredible doesn’t mean unwanted, Bridget. I fully understand and accept the magnitude of this.”
“He’s going to fall in love with you, Simon. Are you going to be able to return it? Can you really love someone else’s son?”
I told her the absolute truth. “I already do.”
We needed a change of scenery. Things were getting too intense in the house. I convinced Bridget to follow through with our original plans to head to the bike path with Brendan, even though I was far from finished with my spackling job.
Having spent the entire morning working in her bedroom, I didn’t have time to finish patching her bike tire before we left. So, we opted to walk together while Brendan rode his new bicycle. He was up ahead of us as we strolled.
I originally figured we would continue our talk from earlier in a less stressful environment, but our conversation on the bike path turned to lighter topics, like the upcoming school carnival. That was just as well since I needed to keep an eye on Brendan and couldn’t be distracted too much. The weather was nice, which meant there were lots of people out cycling or rollerblading today. I needed to look out for him.
“Don’t go too far ahead, buddy,” I shouted.
Brendan promptly slowed down. Even though Bridget and I were chatting, I didn’t take my eyes off him for one second. If I saw an adult rider ready to pass him, I’d yell, “Watch out, Brendan! To your left!”
It was interesting. There were certain times when Bridget was the more protective one, but today I was definitely proving to be the bigger worrier. It must have had to do with the body of water nearby. When it came to Brendan’s physical safety in this environment, my mind couldn’t help wandering to Blake, especially since a lake ran right alongside the path.