Descent by Charlotte McConaghy
Luca felt his heart tumble. ‘Because of what I have become?’
‘Yes. I don’t understand who you are anymore. It’s ... frightening. And you remind me of how the music became a curse instead of a gift.’
‘And you blame me for that?’ It was the same question he’d asked her the other night. This time she answered truthfully.
‘Yes. I know I shouldn’t, that it didn’t have anything to do with you. But ... I do. I can’t help it.’
He nodded stiffly. Ria said nothing more, but the point was clear. He shrugged, ‘Okay fine. Then the last thing I suppose I need to say is goodbye. I’m headed to a job in Karangul. I’m fairly sure I won’t make it back alive.’
‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Okay.’ And that was all. He stared at her in disbelief. Then he stood and walked to the door. He was clenching his teeth so as not to say anything, but suddenly he didn’t care. If he was about to die, then maybe he could be allowed to speak his mind.
‘That’s not enough!’ he growled, rounding on her. ‘Did our relationship really mean that little to you?’
‘You’re the one who let it end,’ she snapped. ‘I can’t give you anything more. I wish I could accept you for who you are, but I’m not that strong.’ She paused and met his eyes. There was a strange ringing in his ears. ‘And the thing is,’ she went on softly, ‘you never came to find me. And I can never forgive you for that.’
Everything inside him ached. What had he expected? That she would cry and run into his arms? This was exactly what the world was about. Sadness, pain, regret, guilt, loss. There was nothing else. It was his own fault to hope for anything more.
Luca turned and stumbled to the door. And then he paused, not looking at her, but speaking one last thing.
‘I made a mistake. And for that I am deeply sorry. I will bid you goodbye, and hopefully this mess I have created will be over soon enough.’
Mia climbed out of the litter and looked around. They were on the far side of the city of Samaraq, at the top of a set of stairs that were carved into the side of a rock wall. At different levels were public baths with people cooling off under the hot sun, and all around them luscious plants and palm trees gave shade. Behind them was an enormous temple, with carvings on every surface, and gold roofs that sparkled in the sun.
This was the sacred temple of the priestesses of the goddess Neith.
Mia had spent the previous night listening to Tye explain Samaraq’s religion. According to him, Neith was the supreme goddess of war and hunting and she protected the souls of the dead from being devoured by Ammit, who was appropriately called ‘Devourer of Souls’. The two goddesses would always be struggling for power over the souls of mortals, until the end of time. It was the people’s jobs to pray for Neith, giving her their loyalty and their faith in order to help her win the eternal struggle.
Standing in the shadow of the enormous temple, Mia shivered, looking up at the frescoes and carvings of the battle that were depicted over the entire surface. ‘Come inside,’ Tye told her softly, and she followed him in, grateful to escape the eyes of the monster that were shining out at her. Her sense of foreboding did not lessen, however, once they entered the temple.
The ceilings were held aloft with marble pillars, just like the palace, but this building was very different. No light entered from any window or door, and the walls were black, so that the only illumination came from some small lanterns. As her eyes adjusted to the dimness, shapes seemed to appear on the walls, emerging out of the darkness. Hundreds of glittering eyes, made from ruby stones, flickering in the candlelight.
‘What are they?’ she whispered.
‘Demons,’ Tye said darkly. ‘The servants of Ammit. Here to remind us of what the Lady Neith fights every moment we are alive.’
Mia shivered again and turned her eyes to the plinth at the end of the temple. Here stood a mighty stone statue of a woman. She had no doubt that this was Neith. In one hand the goddess held her cat-of-nine-tails whip, each tip adorned with a sharp metal spike. Around her neck there was a long, deadly snake, its eyes made of the same ruby stones as the demons.
‘What’s with the snake?’ Mia whispered, unable to take her eyes off the statue.
‘Neith’s servant and fiercest weapon. Saipor. She can put her consciousness into the snake and use its body as she wills.’
Mia’s gaze shifted to the face of the goddess. She honestly didn’t know if she was more frightened of the Devourer of Souls, or of the cold, violently determined strength in the face of the goddess.
‘She is brutal,’ Tye had told her. ‘A warrior. If you are looking for affection then you will not find it in Neith. What you will find is protection and strength.’
The most terrifying thing of all was the fact that Mia, as Queen of Samaraq, was supposed to be the goddess’ first anointed, the closest to her out of any mortal alive.
‘People used to think you were like her,’ Tye had told her the night before. Standing in front of the statue, this was beyond Mia’s comprehension.
Suddenly she felt something touch her shoulder and she gasped in terror. The sound echoed loudly within the temple. It was a woman, middle aged and very beautiful, dressed in a red robe with a hood that threw her face into shadow. It took Mia a moment to realise that where her eyes were supposed to be, there were instead empty sockets. She cringed, taking half a step back, then schooled herself to stay calm. Tye had warned her about the blind priestesses.
‘Greetings, majesty,’ the woman said, her voice soft and seductive. Her cheek bones were severe, her head held high, and if only she’d had eyes she would have been one of the most lovely women Mia had ever seen.
‘Hello,’ Mia said, straightening her shoulders and forcing herself not to look away from the sightless gaze.
‘It has been a long time. We thank the goddess every day that she has seen fit to bring you back to us.’
Mia nodded, then remembered she couldn’t be seen. ‘Yes. I’m very grateful too.’
‘So too do I pray, highness,’ the woman said, her empty sockets trained eerily on Mia’s face, ‘that you will come back to us properly one day soon.’
Mia stared at her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Half your soul is missing.’
There was silence in the temple. Mia looked at Tye for help, but he was deliberately staring at the ground.
‘How did you know?’
‘I see more than you can with your eyes.’
Mia clasped her hands together, feeling frightened again. She always felt frightened these days.
‘It’s all right to be scared,’ the woman said.
It would be so easy to freak out right then. Mia was, apparently, standing next to a woman who could read her mind. Instead she just felt sad. ‘But I’m queen. I’m not supposed to be scared of anything.’
‘That’s an untruth,’ came the honey-coated reply. ‘There is fear in everyone. It’s how you face it that makes you a queen.’
‘I bet Nayana was never scared.’
‘I know for a fact that she was. That’s what separates us from the Lady Neith, what makes us human. We are fallible. But as long as we have faith, our souls will be safe. Tomorrow night the two moons will be full together for the only time this year. We have a ritual to exact. As the goddess’s chosen daughter, you must be present.’
‘Of course. I’d be honoured.’
With overwhelming relief, Mia led Tye back out into the setting sun. The giant orb cast a brilliant orange light over the sand dunes and the pools below. Mia looked out at the people bathing. There were families with children playing and splashing happily.
‘How am I supposed to make the decisions that keep these people safe?’ she whispered into the evening air, not really expecting an answer. But after a moment she turned to look at her head servant where he stood a few steps behind her. ‘How am I supposed to do that when I can’t even make those decisions for myself?’
Tye was silent. He had never needed to have th
Mia shook her head, turning back to the sunset. ‘All that stuff...’ she murmured. ‘About faith and souls...’
‘I don’t understand why it makes you uncomfortable.’ It wasn’t a critique. Mia could see that Tye was actually perplexed. Well it was fair enough—he couldn’t possibly know anything outside this city and this faith. He couldn’t know about other beliefs, about science and atheism. He’d never been to Earth.
‘It’s hard for me,’ she tried to explain. ‘I’ve grown up in a family of people who don’t believe in anything. So coming here and hearing all this stuff about goddesses and rituals and being the “chosen one”—I don’t know what to believe. It’s weird.’
Tye frowned. ‘I’ve never heard of anyone believing in nothing. It doesn’t make any sense to me. But maybe in your world there are different ways of life.’
‘Definitely.’
‘Here, Mia, it is different. I do not know what is right and what is wrong—it certainly seems to me that people should be allowed to believe whatever they want. But you still have to be able to to support the religion of your people. If they thought you had abandoned them...’ he shook his head slowly. ‘The fear you feel now? I think it would be multiplied in every member of this city.’
‘I didn’t say I was going to abandon them! I just said I was feeling a bit weird about it all.’
‘And all I’m saying is don’t let anyone else know you’re feeling that way.’
Mia stared at him, suddenly irritated. She didn’t want a rebuke—she just wanted someone to listen to her.
‘I said I’d come to the ritual didn’t I?’ she snapped.
‘You’ll have to do more than that,’ he warned. ‘You take part in the ritual every year. And you need to know what to do or else everyone will know something is wrong.’
‘Well why don’t you just tell me, rather than pointing out how naïve I am?’
Tye didn’t react to her tone. ‘It’s a sacrificial ritual.’
Mia spun around to look at him. ‘A what?’
‘Neith sacrifices herself constantly to fight for us. Once a year, when both moons are full, we thank her with a sacrifice of our own: blood.’
‘Like what I had to do to get the city back? Cutting myself?’ she asked nervously.
Tye gritted his teeth. He was not an angry man, but what he had been through was enough to make even the gentlest of people rage with fury. She had forgotten everything, and now this. If he wasn’t so near the temple of the goddess, he might have cursed her for taking such an important thing from him. It seemed a tragedy to him; a betrayal of Neith herself, that someone might offer blood to a goddess they didn’t believe in.
‘You know I don’t remember!’ she snapped.
Tye took a deep breath. ‘Sometimes you make it very hard to be around you.’
She stiffened at the rude words, so out of character for him.
‘Good,’ she replied childishly.
He sighed. ‘Forgive me,’ he said carefully. ‘I spoke out of turn. I fear I am not worthy of explaining such a thing to you.’
‘Tye, that’s just stupid—of course you can tell me about a ritual!’
‘You don’t understand. It is sacred. I am merely a servant. It wouldn’t be right.’
Mia shook her head, the fear and nerves finally taking form as anger. ‘You’re being ridiculous! You said yourself that I need help to understand. But you are too cowardly to give it to me yourself.’
He blinked, staring at her. After a moment he couldn’t stand it any longer. ‘Excuse me,’ he murmured, and then he turned and walked from the temple, past the waiting litter, in a manner completely disregarding his status as servant and completely unlike him.
He couldn’t stand being around her like this. She knew nothing, and yet she blamed him for her confusion! It was unlike him to lose his temper, and to lay blame, especially when none of this was Mia’s fault. But ... it hurt. In ways he couldn’t name or speak aloud.
Tye spent the rest of the afternoon pacing his bedchamber and brooding. Unfortunately, it was in this state that he received his guest.
Somehow, he’d known she would come tonight. Something about the bond they’d shared once upon a time. He had instructed the guards to let her pass. He didn’t know why he’d done that. It was selfishness of the worst kind.
‘Odette, you shouldn’t be here and you know it,’ Tye said quietly.
‘You want me here, else you never would have let me pass the guards,’ she replied, shutting the door.
He didn’t reply, knowing full well that it was the truth.
‘Tye,’ she said, and he listened carefully for any sign of the old softness in her voice. If that vulnerability was still there, he might be undone. ‘You used to want me,’ Odette said, and there was only ice. She walked forward. ‘You used to love me, Tye. I’m still yours. I’ve been yours all these long years.’
Her voice was like honey caressing his mind. Tye shut his eyes so as not to look at her beauty.
‘I know you need me,’ she said. ‘ I would never forget you.’
With the words, his eyes snapped open. They would not speak any further on the thing that lay in the room between them. The past. They looked at each other, both thinking the same thing.
Odette walked forwards and took his hand gently in hers. She was not going to stop. There had been too much waiting. Once upon a time, when they were to be married, he had treasured beyond words the feel of her skin next to his, the feeling of her eyes turning to him. Things change, love grows, dies, transforms. He knew she was cold—why had he let her in? Because of memory, because of hurt.
‘Is this what you really want?’ he asked harshly, grabbing her by the shoulders. ‘When you know what it is that I truly desire?’
She looked at him closely and in her eyes he thought he saw something other than coldness. Something that dated back to the beginning, when first they’d known each other. ‘I can change that,’ she said firmly. ‘I will not be second for long.’ Her long dark hair trailed behind her, and he could smell her perfume. A scent he remembered well.
All the while, under everything else, came the question, shaped around another woman. Why did he continue to lie to her?
‘No. I can’t do this. You need to leave.’
The fury in her gaze was startling as she turned her back on him and swept from the room.
Later that night, when he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, regretting beyond words that he had let Odette into his room at all and thinking back over the events of the day, he gradually fell into an exhausted, sad sleep. Dreams wracked his mind. Disturbing dreams of serpents and ruby red eyes and bloody battles and long past desires. Then suddenly they shifted into something else entirely.
He stood under the roof of Neith’s temple, in the exact place he’d stood that afternoon with Mia. He watched the same scene unfold once more—Mia speaking with the priestess, her back turned to him, her red hair mesmerising—but after a moment the queen turned back to him and Tye gasped, for this wasn’t Mia. It was Nayana. He could tell from the eyes. She was older now. Older and far more certain.
She smiled at him, a smile he hadn’t seen in over a thousand years.
‘You’re so angry, darling,’ she said softly, and his heart constricted.
‘I ... I’m sorry,’ he told her. ‘I’m trying.’
‘I know you are.’ They were alone in the temple now, under the staring eyes of the demons. She moved closer to him. If he wanted to he could have reached out and touched her, but he would never do such a thing without being invited.
‘You don’t remember anything,’ Tye said, his voice stricken, overwhelming gratitude filling his heart at being allowed a moment with Nayana. He no longer had to shoulder the weight of his memories alone.
‘I know,’ Nayana said again. The confidence in her face was utterly beautiful. The simple knowledge of who she was and what was right. ‘But Tye,’ she murmured gently, ‘You must
‘I don’t know what to do!’
‘Just help her. Think of me. We are the same. Don’t think of her as a different person. Just think of her as me.’
Tye closed his eyes, breathing in the well-remembered smell of her. ‘I miss you so much,’ he whispered.
‘I’m still here, darling,’ she told him. ‘I always will be. Just be patient. Help me to remember and to do what’s right. That is your job now.’
‘It’s too hard. She looks at me and sees nothing.’
Nayana reached out with her fingertips and brushed his cheek, sending shivers into his soul.
‘So you must be strong, Tye. Be patient with her.’ She paused and then smiled once more. ‘You wake.’
Panic clutched at him. ‘No!’ he cried desperately. The edges of everything were blurring. She was fading.
‘Just wait for me,’ Nayana said to him, as the dream dissolved around him. ‘Wait for me and I’ll come back to you.’
Chapter 29
Jane, Fern and Altor had been to six of the towns on their list. Each had been the same: a mess of neglect and pain. Seeing people so agonised, over and over again, was becoming hard for Jane to bear. At least she knew the three of them were helping—the protectors would make a huge difference, so that people could try and salvage their lives.
Now, halfway between towns, they sat under some trees to a midday meal. Jane passed each of the boys a chunk of bread and cheese out of her pack and they chewed in silence. Finally she cleared her throat.
‘Remember when you were teaching me how to fight, Fern?’
He nodded.
‘Well, I think I need to start taking lessons again.’
‘Maybe you should be giving us lessons,’ Altor muttered wryly. ‘Am I the only one who remembers who saved us the last time we were attacked?’
Jane flushed. ‘I didn’t save you—’
‘Don’t try to argue, Jane,’ Altor said, grinning. ‘Accept your new status as the toughest in the group.’
She laughed and then glanced at Fern. He was smiling very gently. It was so much easier being around him now that they’d been honest with each other. Like they had a silent pact that could keep them going, one they would never talk about again, but would at least help them to stay sane around each other.