Fire With Fire by Jenny Han
I stare at her, mouth agape. “Don’t you get it, you little idiot? There’s not an apology in the world that could make up for the shit you’ve done.” I can feel my temperature rising, despite the fact that I’m trying to keep cool. “All the lies you’ve told about me. The teasing, the bullying. I never deserved that. I was your friend. I never did anything to you.”
Rennie starts shaking. She wraps her arms around herself tight, but it doesn’t make it stop. She stares down at her ugly-ass boots. “Fine. You’re right. You’re totally, totally right. I’m getting everything I deserve.”
I don’t comfort her. Instead I say, “Eh, I’m not so sure about that, Ren. I mean, I hope you do get what you deserve. I hope things get a lot worse for you.”
The words leave a bad taste in my mouth. They are mean, really really mean. Maybe too mean.
I think she’s going to look up and tell me to eff off. But she doesn’t. She looks up, and she’s got tears in her eyes. She takes a step backward, away from me. “Let me say one last thing, Kat. For the rest of my life, I want you to know that I’ll be ashamed for not being there for you when your mom got sick. I don’t want you to go off to Oberlin or wherever, us never see each other again, and you not know that.”
It’s hard to make words come out. My throat is suddenly so tight. “Good. You should be ashamed.” I can feel my chin start to shake.
Rennie sees this, and her tears come fast. “I’m sorry,” she says. And then she’s sobbing. She sits down on the step, leans forward and puts her head in her lap, and bawls.
This kind of shocks me. And then I realize I’m getting everything I’ve always wanted. Not revenge, but an apology. A real one. Except I’m too sad to enjoy it. Things didn’t have to be this way.
I sink down too, one step above her, and watch her shoulders heave up and down. It’s hard not to comfort her. I end up patting her back. Twice. Damn. I’m only human.
Dad and Pat pull up with a Christmas tree tied to the roof of the car. They see us, and Pat’s eyes go wide. I shake my head, so he knows it’s okay. He pulls my dad in through the garage.
Rennie lifts her head. “I want to promise you something. I promise on my heart that I will not do one more mean thing to you, Kat. Ever.” My throat is dry, so I give her the slightest nod of acknowledgment. “And I wanted to invite you to my New Year’s Eve party.”
I’m about to say thanks but no thanks to her invitation, but then it hits me. If I’m at the party, then I’ll get to see shit between Reeve and Lillia go down firsthand. “Can I bring someone?” I ask, thinking of Mary. “If I don’t have anything better to do?”
Rennie laughs at that. “Classic Kat,” she says. “Totally. Whoever you want.” She stands up and stretches. “There’s going to be a bouncer, like at a speakeasy. If you tell him ‘My flask is empty,’ he’ll let you in for free.” Her face breaks into a devious smile. “I’ve even got a special surprise planned for midnight and I want you front and center for the show. Boom boom boom, baby.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes at her, because dude, she’s still so Rennie.
“Listen . . . I do appreciate you coming over,” I say gruffly. “And for saying that stuff to me.”
She smiles. “It’s the least I could do.” She scratches Shep behind the ears and then kisses him on the head. “Bye, Kat.”
“Bye, Ren.”
In a weird way, it doesn’t feel like good-bye. It feels like maybe the smallest bit of a start.
* * *
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
* * *
LILLIA
AS SOON AS I GOT home from school, I locked up the liquor cabinet and the door to the wine cellar; then I made a sign with my calligraphy pen that said Off Limits and put it on my parents’ bedroom door. I debated putting up a sign on the front door that said Please Take Off Your Shoes, but then decided it would be a bit much. If I see people putting their feet up on the white couches, I will politely ask them not to.
I’m wearing the lacy black corset top that Kat bought for me. I haven’t had the nerve to wear it until now, but I think that as hostess I’m supposed to look extra special. I’m wearing it with a pleated gray mini and my gold horseshoe pendant. I curled my hair and teased the crown up so it’s bouncy and big. The last touch is pale pink lipstick and a dab of perfume.
I see Reeve’s truck pull into our driveway and watch him bound up the walkway with four pizza boxes stacked up. I run over to the front door and fling it open before he can ring the bell.
His jaw drops when he sees me. “Damn, Cho.”
It’s exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but my cheeks still heat up. “Thanks for picking up the pizzas,” I say as he steps inside. He hands me the boxes as he slips off his shoes and lines them up against the wall. He’s wearing white sweat socks with a gray toe, the same brand as my dad. This makes me smile for some reason.
I can feel his eyes on me as I walk him to the kitchen. I set the pizzas down on the counter. “Thanks again,” I say, just to have something to say.
“No sweat.”
“Did you get the kegs?” I ask.
“Yeah, they’re in the back of my truck.”
“I’ll help you bring them in,” I say.
Reeve lets out a laugh. “They’re too heavy for you and me. I’ll get PJ to help when he gets here.” Giving me the once-over, he adds, “Your skirt’s too short for you to help anyway.”
I make a pouty face. “It’s not that short.”
He grins at me. Then he hooks his hands on my hips and pulls me toward him, nice and easy. He keeps his eyes on me, watching me carefully, giving me a chance to stop him if I want.
But I don’t. I don’t want. I mean I do. Want.
And then he’s kissing me; his mouth is soft and sure against mine. He really knows how to kiss.
* * *
I don’t remember inviting this many people. And I explicitly said no underclassmen, so why do I see junior girls from the squad? This party is so not VIP. And God, being the hostess is probably the least fun thing ever. I’m constantly running around wiping up spills and turning down the music. I haven’t even had one sip of alcohol!
Thank God, Reeve is here.
He’s standing at the door, barking at people to take off their shoes. “Morrissey, were you raised in a freaking barn?” he growls. Reeve winks at me when he sees me watching.
I’m doing a lap around the downstairs when I see her. Rennie. I can’t even believe it, but there she is, drinking a beer, sprawled out on my couch with her high-heeled boots on, even though she knows the rules better than anyone here, talking to Ash, who’s perched on the armrest.
I’m not sure what to do. If I try to kick her out, it’ll be such drama, which is exactly what she wants. For us to have a fight in front of all these people. So I do the exact opposite; I grab a bowl of chips from the kitchen and sail over to the couch with a sunny smile. “Hey, guys!” I plop down beside them.
Rennie gives me a fake smile where only the corners of her mouth go up, and Ash leans over and hugs me. “Lil, everything’s a mess,” she wails.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her.
“Derek told me tonight that he wants to keep it casual; he doesn’t want to be in a serious thing his senior year.” Ashlin blows her nose with a cocktail napkin.
“Ugh,” I say. “That’s so Derek.”
“Ash, this is the best thing that could have happened,” Rennie says, taking a sip of her beer. “Derek isn’t boyfriend material.”
I push the bowl of chips toward Ashlin. She stuffs a handful in her mouth and says, “But you and Reeve are totally a thing and Lil and Alex are probably going to get together too. Who does that leave me with? PJ?” She makes a disgusted face.
I don’t say what I’m thinking, which is, Um, excuse me, but Reeve and Rennie are so not a thing because Reeve and I are. I wait to see if Rennie will correct Ashlin, but she keeps sipping on her beer. All she says is, “Aw, PJ is super cute. Don’t wor
I stand up because I can’t listen to this garbage anymore. “Ash, I’ll be back in a sec. I’m going to go make sure nobody’s upstairs.”
Rennie rolls her eyes. “Nobody’s going to have fun if you’re running around all uptight like a prison guard. Hello, it’s supposed to be a party. Chill out.”
I’m about to snap back at her when Reeve comes bursting into the living room. He scoops Rennie up off the couch and throws her over his shoulder like she weighs nothing, which she does. “Put me down, Reeve,” she squeals, kicking her feet.
“No shoes in the house, Ren!” he says, pulling them off her feet. Then he tosses her back down on the couch, and her cup of beer tips over and spills everywhere; some splashes on my arm. “Awesome. Thanks, guys,” I say, sopping up the floor with napkins.
Reeve bends down and starts helping me. “Sorry, Cho.”
“Chill out, Lil,” Rennie says, her face red from being held upside down. “It’s beer! Beer gets spilled at a party.”
“Rennie, I swear, if you tell me to chill out one more time . . .” I say it and I mean it; I’m not joking.
Rennie narrows her eyes at me, and we stare each other down. Reeve tries to put his arms around both of us, but I shrug away from him.
Then Alex wanders in with a paper plate in one hand and a beer in the other.
“Hey!” I say to Alex. “I haven’t seen you all night.”
Alex swallows his bite of pizza. “I’ve been around.” He takes a swig of beer. “Oh, and I went to pick up the pizzas and they said somebody already got them.”
I clap my hand to my mouth. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I totally forgot to text you.”
Alex stuffs the rest of the slice in his mouth. “No worries.”
“I’m so, so sorry, Lindy,” I say, and Rennie rolls her eyes.
“Yeah, sorry, Lind,” Reeve drawls. “I took care of it.”
Alex looks from me to Reeve, who is still standing next to me. Quickly I say, “They were on his way to get the kegs, so I thought it would be easier.”
“No worries,” Alex says again, resting his plate on the coffee table. Then he pulls his wallet from his back pocket, and my stomach twists in a knot. He takes a few twenties from the billfold and holds them out for Reeve. “Here.”
“What’s this for?” Reeve asks him, his eyes narrowing on the money.
Alex takes a step closer, still holding out the cash. “I told Lil I wanted to take care of the pizzas.”
“ ‘I told Lil I wanted to take care of the pizzas,’ ” Reeve mimics back in a whiny-baby voice. “Too late. I already got it.”
Alex’s face goes red. I’m about to tell him to let it go, but before I can, he tosses the money on the coffee table. “Keep the change.”
Reeve says, “I’m not the delivery boy, you dick.”
Alex laughs dryly. “Who knows . . . in a couple of years, you might be.”
My hands fly to my face. I can’t even believe Alex said that. I’ve never seen him talk to Reeve that way before. On the couch, Rennie rears up like she’s going to tear into Alex.
Reeve’s fist is clenched at his side, and I just know he’s about two seconds from flattening Alex. I have to do something, fast.
Heart racing, I gather up the bills and hand them back to Alex. Nicely but firmly I say, “Thanks, Lindy, but Reeve’s got it covered.” Then I let my body fall against Reeve and slide my hand into his.
It’s a tiny display, subtle and quiet and barely anything. But it only takes a second before Alex’s jaw goes tight. I turn my head and look at Rennie, on the couch. Her mouth has dropped so far open that I can see her molars. My whole body squeezes tight with nerves, but I don’t move.
They are all seeing this. Us.
Then Reeve glances down at me, shocked. And definitely not happy. He pulls his hand free from mine and says, “What are you doing, Cho?” like I’m out of my mind, like we didn’t have that conversation in his truck, like we’ve never even kissed. Then with a chuckle and a shake of his head, he steps away from me, picks up Alex’s paper plate, and disappears into the kitchen. And I’m left there, standing in front of everyone, with my mouth wide open.
What just happened?
I can’t bear to see the look on Rennie’s face or anybody’s face. I spin on my heels and quickly head upstairs. What was that talk about doing what feels right, and people can go to hell if they don’t like it? I was the one who said we should be discreet!
I go straight to my room and close the door and plop down in front of my vanity. My hair looks like crap, super flat but not in the shiny, sleek way. It’s probably because I’ve been running around for the last two hours cleaning up other people’s messes. I drag a brush through it roughly, then put on a fresh coat of lipstick because most of it has worn off. I can feel the music from downstairs pumping through the walls, and I just want to lie down on my bed. I wonder how soon is too soon to kick people out.
I’m sure he did it because he was embarrassed. Because of the thing Alex said about him becoming a delivery boy. Maybe I handled it wrong. I could have given him space, let him do his bravado thing, and waited for a better moment.
God, I sound like Mary.
Sighing, I head back downstairs to check on things. From the foyer, I hear the roar of a car engine peeling down my driveway. I peek through the curtains. It’s Alex’s truck.
Great. Just great.
In the sitting room I notice a water ring on the coffee table, and I try to smudge it out. I go into the kitchen to grab some Pledge, and that’s when I find Rennie sitting on the floor, her back up against our oven door. Reeve’s standing over her.
“Reevie . . . I feel wasted.” Her head sways from side to side, her hair hanging in her face. “Will you please take me home?”
I peer at her. She’s had, like, two beers. I’ve seen her finish a six-pack in under an hour and not get tipsy. “Wow, I didn’t even see you drink that much,” I say.
Rennie’s eyes suddenly snap into focus on me. “Maybe someone put something in my drink.”
I reel back a step.
Reeve stands up. “Ren, how much did you have?”
“I don’t know . . .” Rennie moans, now back to acting wasted. “I lost count.” She’s totally putting on a show. She’s only been at the party for, like, thirty minutes, and a second ago she was fine. “I’ll drive myself home. I don’t want to make you leave.”
“There’s no way in hell I’d let you drive like this,” he says, shaking his head.
He helps her to her feet, and then he hoists her up and Rennie wraps her arms around his neck. “You’re the bestest, Reevie,” she sighs, closing her eyes and snuggling closer.
“Go get your coat. I’ll meet you by the front door.”
“Okay. Huuuuurry.” Rennie wobbles off.
When Rennie’s gone, Reeve says to me, “I’m gonna drop her off.”
I stare hard and fold my arms. “I don’t even know what she’s doing here in the first place!”
Reeve straightens and says, “She’s here because all of us are, Lil. All her friends. What’s she supposed to do? Sit at home alone?”
I feel my lip curl. How many times did Rennie make it so I was doing exactly that! “Can you please not defend her to me?”
“I know she can be a bitch sometimes, but she’s a good girl at heart.” Reeve runs a hand through his hair, then glances over toward my front door. “Look, I’ll drop her off and then I’ll come back.”
I screw my lips together. “Don’t bother. I’m gonna make everybody leave soon anyway.” I flick my hair over my shoulder. “Just so you know, Alex left.”
Reeve sneers. “Good. Little rich boy punk bitch.”
“Reeve!” I glare at him.
From the front door I hear Rennie call out Reeve’s name. “Reevie! I’m ready!”
He glances back. “Look, let me take care of this, and then I’ll come back to help yo
“I can do it myself.”
He sighs, exasperated. “Are you mad at me?”
Coolly I say, “Why would I be mad at you?”
Reeve grabs my hand and says, “I swear I’ll be right back. Give me twenty minutes.”
I want to tell Reeve not to come back tonight, but I can’t bring myself to say the words. Because I do want him to. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I can’t help it.
I smooth down the pleats of my skirt. “Okay. If you want.”
After looking over both shoulders to see who’s around, Reeve plants a quick kiss on my forehead. Then he fishes his keys out of his pocket, asks me to save him a piece of pizza, and is gone.
* * *
When everybody else leaves an hour later, I turn down Ash’s offer to help me clean up. I hustle her out the door, and then I run upstairs and change into my cute pj’s, a pink cami with a bunny print and matching shorts. I feel nervous butterflies as I put on lotion and the tiniest dab of my Lillia perfume at the pulse of my neck. I put my hair up and then I put it back down.
I’ve never been alone with a boy in my house before. Anything could happen.
I don’t want it to go too much further than kissing. Okay, I kind of do, but at the same time I don’t. I’m not ready yet. And anyway, I’m still angry. And I’m going to give Reeve a piece of my mind for sure. So I figure we’ll stay downstairs on the couch and that will have to be it.
While I wait, I clean up the living room, throwing away plastic cups, wiping down the tables, fluffing up the couch pillows. It’s taking so long for Reeve to come back, I even get out the vacuum cleaner. Another hour goes by and the kitchen’s clean too; the house almost looks back to normal. I set out two pieces of pizza on a nice plate, not a paper one, and I cover it in plastic wrap so I can heat it up when he gets here.
That’s when I get the text. It says, Stuck at Rennie’s. Not gonna make it back tonight. I read it twice to make sure I’m getting it right. He’s ditching me. For her.
* * *
Rennie and I never had crushes on the same boys. She had a rotation of boys that she liked, boys who were loud and brash and you never knew if they were making fun of you or if they were serious. She liked the ones who made her feel unsure. Because Rennie was always, always sure.