For All Time by Jude Deveraux
The answer was that nothing on earth would make this hurt any less. She had done a very stupid thing. She had fallen in love with a man she couldn’t have, so she deserved what she got!
As she lay there she thought about her choices now. She could go into a deep depression where she moped around for weeks, months even, or she could get on with life. Right now she had two jobs: to put in a garden for Jared’s cousin’s house and to pull off a huge wedding for Victoria. Between them, there would be plenty to fill her mind so that she didn’t have time to think—or to remember.
As for what happened after the jobs were done, someday she’d meet a man, fall in love with him, and—
And what? she wondered. Spend her life comparing him to Graydon? What mortal man could live up to him? Graydon was a scholar, an athlete, an old-world gentleman. He could—
Toby closed her eyes hard. She couldn’t allow herself to think like that, for that way lay madness. From the beginning, she’d always known what was going to happen. On the first day she’d met him, Graydon had told her about his coming engagement to the highborn Danna. He’d even described the ceremony in detail.
He’d always been honest with her.
She threw back the covers and stood up, and the saying “This is the first day of the rest of your life” came to her mind. Yes, this was a new beginning.
She put on a robe and her resolve lasted all the way down to the kitchen. Jilly was sitting at the table in the sunroom, reading a Cale Anderson novel, and didn’t look up.
Toby’s first thought was that Graydon had cleared that room out. From those windows she had watched him working out. That was the table where she and Graydon, Lorcan, and Daire had eaten many meals. She could almost taste the Lanconian cheeses, the griddle cakes. She could see Graydon and Daire drinking their beers and talking in the deep Lanconian language that had become so familiar to her.
I won’t survive, she thought. Living alone in this house, which was filled with so many memories, was too much for her.
She went to Jilly, who looked up at her in question. “I can’t do this,” Toby whispered. “I can’t—”
She broke off because Victoria—beautiful as always—came in through the door from the garden, and behind her was a tall, gray-haired woman Toby had never met before.
“Darling,” Victoria said as she put her hands on Toby’s shoulders and kissed her on both cheeks. “We thought you were going to sleep forever. Poor Graydon had to leave. We said we’d wake you but he wouldn’t let us. He said you’d been through enough and that you needed your rest. Tell me, did you have another of your dreams?”
Toby thought Victoria looked ready to get out her pen and paper to record the whole episode. Pointedly, Toby looked behind her at the other woman.
Victoria stepped back. “This is a friend of mine, Millie Lawson, and she came to the island for a holiday, but she’s going to help you with my wedding and that garden for Jared.”
“Please forgive my friend,” Millie said before Toby could speak. “All this is being piled on you rather quickly. I take it you had a recent breakup with your boyfriend?”
Toby thought it was a great deal more than that, but wasn’t going to say so to this stranger. “Are you enjoying Nantucket?”
“Toby, dear,” Victoria said, “I have also persuaded Millie to move in with you.”
“What?” was all Toby could say, her face showing her shock.
Jilly stepped between Victoria and Toby. “Millie is a retired event organizer and she’s worked for some big corporations, museums, even some embassies. She’d planned to stay on Nantucket until after Victoria’s wedding, but …” Jilly trailed off.
“I find retirement to be deadeningly boring,” Millie said, “and I’ve seen all the beaches and glorious sunsets I can abide. When Victoria said that her wedding planner might need help, I asked if I could volunteer my services. As for staying in your house, I’m sure you wouldn’t want a stranger moving in with you.”
Toby opened her mouth to agree that that wouldn’t work when a movement in the garden caught her eye. Instantly, her heart leaped into her throat. It was Graydon, with Lorcan and Daire! But no, it was Jose Partida and his landscaping crew coming to work.
Toby’s heart seemed to plummet to her feet and she knew that if she were alone she just might run upstairs and get back into bed—and maybe never get out again. She looked back at the woman. Her accent had a faint English tone to it and she certainly looked capable. “Yes,” Toby said, “please help me with the wedding, and I have an empty”—the word almost made her choke—“bedroom upstairs. It will be easier to work if we are together.”
“How wonderful!” Victoria said, then threw open the door and called out, “Jose, you darling man, I need help with some luggage.”
When the two women went out the front door, Jilly put her arm around Toby’s shoulders. “I know it doesn’t seem so now, but you will survive this. Eventually, time will smooth things out.”
Toby had heard that Jilly’s first husband, the father of her two children, had been a horrible man. Jilly was a survivor of a great deal more than just a broken heart.
For a moment Toby hugged her, but then she pulled away. “Sometimes Victoria is heavy-handed and—”
“Imperious,” Jilly said. “She’s quite pushy, really.”
“Yes. Very. But in this case I think it would be better for me not to live alone.”
“So do I,” Jilly said.
The sound of luggage being carried upstairs and Victoria giving the men orders took over. Within minutes, for the second time that summer, Toby had a stranger living in her house.
As Victoria left, she handed Toby a foot-tall stack of what looked to be letters. “Snail mail?” Toby asked as she took them.
“What can I say? I’ve invited writers, and that’s what they do. See what they want and answer them. Have you decided on prizes for the best costumes yet?”
“Autographed copies of your books?” Toby suggested.
Victoria laughed. “How droll. You’d better have something engraved so their publicists can list it on Wikipedia. Let me know what you need, but I’ll be in isolation while I write, so I may be difficult to reach.” She lowered her voice. “Millie really is very good at her job, so trust her. And talk to her.”
“How long have you known each other?”
Victoria waved her hand. “Isn’t that a bit like asking a girl her age? Anyway, dearest, good luck.” She left the house.
Jose came down the stairs. “That woman has a lot of luggage. You want us to clean up the greenhouse?”
“No,” Toby said and thought how that had become Graydon’s job. “I’ll do it.”
“You need to get outside,” Jose said. “It’s not good for you to stay in here so much.” She knew he was right and she followed him into the garden.
Toby would have liked to spend some time getting to know Millie, but on the other hand, if she sat and talked, she might end up crying, then she’d—
She didn’t want to think about what she’d do if she didn’t have masses of work to keep her busy. As Toby went down the stairs on the first morning after Millie moved in, she smelled pancakes. They reminded her of Graydon’s Lanconian griddle cakes and for a moment she almost ran back upstairs. But she took a few deep breaths, forced her mind to calm down, and went into the kitchen.
“I hope you don’t mind that I made breakfast,” Millie said.
“No, it was very kind of you, but you certainly don’t have to wait on me.”
“I enjoy cooking, but I no longer have anyone to cook for.”
“Do you have a family?” Toby asked.
“Grown children who have no more need of me. What shall we tackle first today? Garden or wedding?”
“I think I’d better show you what’s been done so far on both things. Lorcan was handling a lot of the details and I’m not sure where she left off.”
“Lorcan? That’s an unusual name. Who is she?”
&nbs
“I apologize,” Millie said. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. I take it Lorcan had something to do with the cad who walked out on you?”
Toby drew in her breath as anger ran through her. “No!” she managed to say. “Graydon did not ‘walk out.’ He is a loyal, honorable man who puts others before himself. He—” Breaking off, she sat down heavily on a chair at the breakfast table. “He did what he had to do,” she whispered.
Millie sat down beside her and took Toby’s hand in hers. “I’m very, very sorry for what I said. I don’t know any of the facts. Victoria was rather vocal about how the man broke your heart. I think she’d like to boil him in oil, but I’m sure there’s another side to all of it.”
Toby looked up. The woman’s face was very sympathetic. She was older, but she had utterly perfect skin, and Toby realized that at one time Millie had almost certainly been a beauty. Right now she looked as though she might cry in sympathy. “It wasn’t like that. Victoria has it wrong. But still, I need time to heal from this and I don’t want to talk about it. I’d just like to work and try to put the past behind me.”
With a smile, Millie squeezed her hand. “I understand, but I also want you to know that I’m here if you do want to talk. I know some about men and tears.”
“Thank you,” Toby said, and realized that she did feel better. “How about if I show you the garden Jared wants me to put in?”
“And Jared is …?”
“My landlord and friend,” Toby said as Millie handed her a plate of pancakes. “What do you know about gardening?”
“That roses and lilies look good together.”
“That’s enough,” Toby said and began to eat.
It didn’t take long for Toby to realize that Millie had been modest about her knowledge of gardening and everything else. The woman was a powerhouse of information and efficiency.
After only a quick look at Jared’s garden Millie said, “Keep it simple. Classic. Easy to maintain.”
“My thoughts exactly,” Toby said, and they began discussing what plants to put where, seating areas, and even a small gazebo at the back. By the time they’d walked back to Kingsley Lane, they were ready to make sketches using the measurements Toby and Lorcan had taken.
Jared had set up a complete design studio in Kingsley House, and with his permission, the two women began using his antique drafting table to draw the plans for the garden. And Millie set up a chart to keep track of what had been done and needed to be done for Victoria’s wedding. By the third day, the two women were moving forward quickly.
Originally, the idea of the famous authors coming in costume had seemed to be an excellent one, but besides the letters, Toby had never received so many emails and text messages in her life. Some of them were so long they were almost scenes from a novel—and all the authors expected Toby to be an expert on Regency everything.
Victoria said, “Tell them you’re not a copy editor and they can verify their own research.” But the truth was that Toby could easily answer all their questions. After all, she had been there.
“How do you know so much about this time period?” Millie asked as they went over the flowers ordered for the wedding.
“I—” Toby began but stopped. What could she say? That she’d traveled through time? “I’ve read a lot of Regency novels,” she said and looked back at the order forms.
During the weeks leading up to the wedding, Toby talked to Lexie a couple of times a week but things had changed between them. Toby got the idea that Lexie was concealing as much of the truth as she was.
“I’m fine,” Toby told her friend. “Graydon has an entire country to run. He couldn’t very well give that up just to stay with a commoner.”
“Don’t you read the news?” Lexie said angrily. “There’s Prince William. And the future Queen of Sweden married her personal trainer.”
“Oh, yes,” Toby said. “That’s in Lanconia’s constitution. Physical trainers are okay but florists are out.”
“Am I supposed to find that funny?” Lexie asked.
“So how are you and Roger getting along?”
“We’re fine,” Lexie replied, echoing what Toby had said. “I’m more concerned about you.”
And that’s how all their conversations went. Toby asked about Lexie; Lexie asked about Toby. But neither one told a lot of information.
As much as Toby tried to immerse herself in work, there were still times when she nearly lost it. A week after they left, Lorcan sent Toby a large package of cheeses and sausages, and some handmade lace. She’d had to use diplomatic channels to get the food through customs, but it had arrived safely.
Inside was a brief note from Lorcan.
We miss you every day and HE is very, very unhappy.
Lorcan
“Good!” Toby said, letting anger take over so she wouldn’t give way to tears.
She shared the food with Millie, Ken, and Jilly. Millie bought wine and Jilly made a raspberry pie. The evening was good, and it was only when Jilly spoke of Lanconia that Toby put her hand up. She refused to listen to a word about the country.
But Ken said it anyway. “The engagement ceremony was postponed.” He glanced at Millie, who kept her head down and didn’t interfere or pry into the conversation.
Toby nodded. “That’s because Rory still has his cast on. They can’t let the wrong prince get engaged. It has to be Graydon who pledges himself to her.”
“The official excuse was—”
Again Toby put her hand up, but this time Ken said nothing.
Besides refusing to read/hear/listen to anything about Lanconia, Toby made no effort to find out about Tabitha and Garrett. The last time she and Graydon had asked Dr. Huntley, Toby had spent days crying over what they were told. If their last visit hadn’t saved those two, with Graydon gone, there would be no further chances to change what had happened. And this time there would be no one to hold her when she cried.
No, Toby told herself. It was better to stick to the present and the future. The past—and that included all things Lanconian—must stay where it was.
By the time the wedding day was close, Millie and Toby had become great coworkers. They were such an efficient team that they could act without words.
Millie was the one who designed the awards to be given for the best costumes—and they’d come up with so many categories that there would be few participants who didn’t receive a Lucite plaque. Best hair, best headdress, best white gown, best shoes, et cetera. There was one for everything that she and Millie had come up with over a pitcher of margaritas. It had been a fun night.
The only bad moment had been when Toby said she wished she had some of the yellow cheese that Graydon didn’t like.
“Who is this man Graydon I keep hearing of?” Millie asked as she refilled Toby’s glass.
Toby was a bit tipsy but certainly not drunk. “A true prince of a man,” she said as she raised her glass and took a sip.
“Is he the love of your life?”
“Absolutely not!” Toby said. “After Victoria’s wedding I’m going to meet a man who will sweep me off my feet. He’s going to be intelligent and educated and will make love to me all day long. No more virginity for me!” Toby drained her glass.
“You’re a …?” Millie asked, wide-eyed.
“Yes and no,” Toby said as she put down her glass. “Tabitha had a great time but Toby got nothing. Honorable men are good on paper but in real life they’re a pain in the neck.”
“You have to tell me this story,” Millie said.
“No,” Toby answered. “Not now. Not ever. I’m going to bed. See you in the morning.” She went up the stairs and fell into bed.
By the day before the wedding, both Toby and Millie were exhausted—but everything was in place. Victoria’s dress—the white one, so Lorcan had won the bet—had arrived earlier that week from Martha Pullen and it wa
Millie knew some people in the costume department at the Metropolitan Opera in New York and her dress had arrived packed in tissue paper. The gown was of pale peach satin covered with fine netting that was embellished with embroidery done in silver thread. Over the years, the thread had tarnished to a soft glow that enhanced the beauty of the dress. It was such a good reproduction that it looked like it had been hand sewn.
As for Jilly and Alix and their men, Dr. Huntley knew where clothing from the era was hidden away in boxes in the attic of Kingsley House. Ken dug them out, and he and Jared never stopped complaining about what they had to wear to the wedding.
Toby hung her own dress on her closet door and the sight of it brought back so many memories she could hardly stand up. She sat down on the side of the bed and stared at it, her mind flooding with images of her and Graydon together.
“Are you all right?” Millie asked from the open doorway. “Oh, my! Is that your gown? It is truly exquisite. Are you sure it fits?”
“I know it does,” Toby said.
“Perhaps you should try it on to see.”
Toby stood up. “I know it fits!” she said, her voice almost angry. “I’ve worn the dress often, even had it removed from my body. I’ve danced in it and laughed. I got married in it!” She put her hands over her face.
“I think I should leave you alone,” Millie said softly.
“No, please,” Toby said. “Don’t go. Isn’t there some work that needs doing?”
“We could check the chapel to see if the candles have been placed correctly.”