Forever & Always by Jasinda Wilder

  She licked her lips nervously. "This is one of those truth things. I've never...I've never gone down before." She shrugged, trying for nonchalance and failing. "It came up once, but I wasn't ready. Or just afraid. And...that was it."

  "That was it?" I sensed more to the story.

  "Yeah."

  I touched her cheek. "Hey. It's me. Tell me. No holding back."

  "He got mad when I said no. Not like, angry angry, just irritated. Like he couldn't believe I'd be so selfish, that was kind of the undertone he had. And it never came up again."

  I felt anger rush through me. "Ever, listen. That's your choice. Always, always your choice. I just want to be with you. If there's something you don't like or don't want, tell me. Please." I made sure her eyes met mine, that she saw my sincerity. "Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything."

  She turned into me, buried her face against my chest. "I'm sorry. That ruined the mood."

  "Ever, baby. No. Don't be sorry. I want the truth. I want us to always be honest." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her tight. "Besides, we can get the mood back. It's fine, okay? We have all the time in the world. Nothing matters, just us."

  She nodded. "Hey, would you mind if I took a shower?"

  I shrugged. "Go ahead, please. Take your time."

  She lifted up to kiss me, but she kept it brief, and then left the bed. I felt a stir in my cock as she walked away, her wide hips swaying and her hair loose. So sexy, so beautiful. I couldn't believe I'd been so lucky as to be with her, to get her body all for me. I lay in bed and drowsed, listening to the sounds of the water, imagining her skin all wet, black hair in slick strands against her fair skin. Some day we'd take a shower together, but I sensed she needed some time alone to push those thoughts of Billy away.

  I'd nearly fallen back asleep when I felt the bed dip under her weight at my feet.

  "You want to take one?" Ever asked.

  I opened my eyes and sat up. She was wrapped in a red towel, with her hair in a turban in another towel. She was wiping at her face with a small round piece of cotton.

  "Sure. That sounds great, actually." I couldn't take my eyes off her, though, as she stood up and unwound the turbaned towel from her hair, bent over, and rubbed her hair with the towel.

  I got out of the bed and moved to the doorway, but stopped to watch her. I'd never had this before, this kind of intimacy of day-to-day things shared. Ever sensed something and looked up at me, running her fingers through her hair.

  "What?" She smiled at me, her eyes loving but quizzical. "You're watching me very intently. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

  "It's not that," I said. "It's just...I've never done this before." I leaned against the doorway, trying to seem casual in my nudity when I was anything but. In the heat of the moment, when passions were raging, it was easy to be naked. Here, now, with conversation ranging to personal subjects, it was much harder to be so bare and vulnerable with her.

  "Done what?" Her eyes roved over me, as if she couldn't stop looking at me, even while we were talking. I knew how she felt.

  "Stayed the night. The whole...sharing a space thing."

  She tilted her head to one side, confused. "I'm not sure what you mean."

  I sighed. "Well, with Luisa, we never had our own place, you know? I stayed with Grams and Gramps, and she lived with her uncle. Most of the time, we hung out either in the spare room over the stables--which wasn't really a bedroom, just a loft with a cot--or it was outside, on a blanket."

  "Really? Outside?"

  I nodded. "It was...the best place for us to go to get privacy. Ride out a mile or two, out to the middle of nowhere where there was nothing but cows and horses and birds."

  "So you've never slept the whole night through with someone before?"

  I shook my head. "Nope."

  "Well, I've never done it outside. So maybe together we can...fix those things for both of us."

  I smiled. "I'd like that. I just love watching you. Seeing you dry your hair, everything."

  She licked her lips, a motion I was learning to correlate with nerves, a sign she was about to do something she was afraid to do. Her hair was hanging in damp black strings around her shoulders, the red towel wrapped tight around her chest and hanging to mid-thigh. Her eyes met mine, and she didn't look away as she moved to stand a couple feet away from me, hooked her fingers into the knot of her towel. My mouth went dry, and it was suddenly hard to swallow as she tugged the end of the towel free, slowly unwound it from around her torso, grasping the other edge and holding both now, keeping them closed. And then, with a twitch of her wrists, she dropped the towel, and she was naked. My cock immediately responded, hardening and lengthening at the sight of her lush curves and the dark circles of her areolae and the heavy weight of her breasts and the solid muscle of her thighs, her eyes like jade pools, hot on me.

  "Jesus, Ever." I could barely whisper. I simply couldn't believe she was meant for me, that she was giving me this incredible gift of her body, her passion, her love. "You are...just the most gorgeous and the sexiest woman I've ever seen in my life."

  "That was absolutely the right response." She sashayed toward me, her tits swaying with the accentuated sway of her steps.

  My cock was rigid now, achingly hard. She kept her eyes on mine for a brief moment, and I saw resolve in them, and hunger. She licked her lips once more, and then she was sinking to her knees in front of me. For a moment I couldn't react, could only stand stunned as she wrapped both her fists around my erection.

  "Wait, Ever. No. You don't--you shouldn't--"

  She slid her fists down my length, then stroked me hand-over-hand. "I want to. I want to try this." She looked up at me. "Have you ever had this done to you?"

  "Yeah. A couple times, not a lot." She moved her eyes away from mine, down to my cock, watching her own hands as they moved on me. My throat was dry, compulsively swallowing as she caressed my cock with her hands. I found my voice again. "Ever, seriously. I just want you. Us, together--"

  "Unless you don't want this, shut up and let me do it, before I lose my nerve." She moved her face closer, and my heart rate ratcheted up to a thunderous hammering. "I'm scared. I'm scared of doing it wrong. That you won't like it. That it won't be as good as when--"

  "Baby. There's no right or wrong. Not with us. And there's no comparing, either. Anything and everything you do, we do, is better than anything I've ever known. So if you want to try it, then god, I'm not gonna say no. Just...don't--don't bite me."

  She laughed. "I think I can manage that much."

  Another nervous flick of her tongue over her lips, and then she was shifting forward, her fists around my cock, and she was lowering her mouth to me, wrapping her lips gingerly around the tip. I swallowed hard and held completely still, my fists clenching at my sides. Her mouth was...shit, god...so hot and wet. She made an "mmmmm" sound, and moved her mouth away.

  "That's...not so bad. You actually kind of taste...good. A little like me. Like...like when I kissed you after you went down on me."

  "You taste so good. I can't wait to do that again." I closed my eyes as she put her lips around me again, taking me in to just past the groove around the head. "I can't wait to lick your sweet pussy again." Talking dirty was foreign to me. Talking during sex at all was strange. It had always been silent and quiet before.

  She moaned, and the sound and the vibration sent a shock of pleasure through me. "I really, really liked that. You are welcome to do that as much as you want." She stroked my cock with one hand, from the base up to her lips, and back down, and a groan left me. "You like that? Am I doing this okay?"

  "Fuck, Ever. Fuck..." I could barely form words. "So good. So--oh, Jesus--so good."

  She was moving her mouth on me now, her lips tight around the head of my cock, down to the groove and back up, sliding her fist slowly, so slowly up and down my length. I couldn't believe she was doing this. This was Ever, my Ever. My beautiful, perfect Ever. I glanced down, watched her ha
ir around her shoulders and tangling against her cheeks. As I watched, she paused to pull an errant strand of hair from her mouth. I pushed my fingers into her damp, thick hair and pulled it away from her face, held it gently, gingerly, at the back of her head. She flicked her eyes up to mine, spat me out of her mouth.

  "Guide me. Show me how you like it. Just...be gentle." She took me in her mouth, took me in deeper than she had yet, nearly half of my length in her mouth, her fingers around me and moving up and down my length.

  I held her hair out of the way, not applying any pressure, just holding her hair. "You could...you suck, a little, if you wanted. Like it's a sucker."

  She sucked then, gently at first, and then harder, and then she moved her mouth up and bobbed back down, sucking all the while. I groaned, moaned, gasped as she did this faster, taking me deeper, until I knew I had to be near the back of her throat.

  "Don't--oh, shit--don't gag yourself. God, that feels so good."

  She took me from her mouth and gazed up at me. "Good. I want you to like it. I want you to love it. I want--I want to make you lose control, like you did me." She took me in both hands again and stroked me, using her leftover saliva to slide her fists around me. "What else would make you feel good?"

  I didn't say it, but I was thinking that with Luisa, when she'd done this, she'd made it quick, fisting me into bucking, sucking me until I came. Ever was...she was going slowly, and we were in unfamiliar territory. Everything about Ever, about being with her, making love to her, touching her, was new for me. For her, too, I was pretty sure.

  "I don't know. It's never...never felt this good before. Not sure how it could better." She stared at my cock and watched as she did the hand-over-hand motion again, which made my knees buckle. "That--I really like it when you do that."

  She did it again, kept doing it, squeezing me in one fist and sliding that hand down, and then replacing it with the other as soon as there was room at the tip of my cock. She put her mouth to me, worked her tongue and lips around me, leaving saliva wet and slick around me, and then did the motion again, and now I couldn't stand it, couldn't keep my knees locked. Each erotic slide of her fists around me left me breathless, brought me closer to the edge, and with her head out of the way I could see her hands on me, and for some reason seeing her small white hands on my cock was so hot, so insanely hot that it made me even crazier.

  "What if...what if I did this?" she said, and then cupped my balls in one hand and pumped my cock at the base with the other, and then licked me with her tongue, a long, fat swipe of her tongue up my length, and again, and then the tip, and I knew she had to be tasting the pre-come I felt leaking from me. She continued the pumping motion, squeezing my balls gently, massaging them. Her tongue moved up my length, licking me like it was ice cream, and then she said, "You do taste good. I kind of like this, actually. I like the way you react to everything I do."

  I couldn't respond, couldn't speak. She'd taken me in her mouth again and was matching the rhythm of her fist around me with a bobbing of her head, sucking and moving and sliding her fist around me, and I felt the rising desperation inside me, the coiled tension building.

  "I'm--I'm close," I said. "I'm gonna come soon."

  "Good," she murmured, "come hard. I want to feel that. I want to taste you."

  She didn't relent, and my knees were weak. I had to brace myself on the doorposts to stay upright as she began to stroke my cock with both hands, sucking on the tip.

  "That...just like that. I'm--so close now. Fuck...god, yes, Ever. God...oh, god, oh, shit--"

  She kept the pace, sucking on the head of my cock and moving both hands on the length, and I was on the verge, right there, and I opened my eyes to watch.

  "I'm coming, oh, fuck, Ever, I'm coming...so hard, right now!"

  I exploded in her mouth, and she plunged her mouth around me, took me deep as I released inside her, keeping one fist around my base and working me hard, swallowing, pumping, sucking, moving, and I could only groan and curse as she drew ecstasy from me in dizzying waves.

  She finally let my cock leave her mouth with a soft pop, and looked up at me. "You came...a lot." She said it with a smile.

  I was embarrassed by that, feeling almost ashamed that she'd swallowed all of that. "Sorry--" I started to say.

  She interrupted me. "No, I liked feeling you lose control like that. I didn't mind the taste, either. Mostly, I loved feeling you enjoy it so much."

  I pulled her to her feet and tugged her into an embrace. "It was so amazing. Thank you, so much."

  "I'm glad I did it." She tilted her head to meet my eyes. "You can ask me anything, you know. If you want anything with me, just ask."

  "You, too."

  I kissed her then. Kissed her deeply, and tasted myself on her breath. I kissed her to prove something, but I wasn't sure what. Her hands curled around my shoulders, and she kissed me back as if she'd been drowning and my kiss was the air she needed to live. I moved her toward the bed, intending to give her what she'd given me.

  She stopped me, though. "Take a shower." She put her palms on my chest and pushed me away, as if tearing herself away from me. "I know how much better it made me feel."

  "Are you saying I stink?" I teased.

  She leaned toward me and sniffed. "A little?" She grinned and pushed me toward the bathroom. "Go. There are towels in there. My shampoo isn't girly-smelling, and there's normal bar soap, too. So you won't come out smelling like a girl."

  I closed the bathroom door, but didn't latch it or lock it. It was definitely a girl's bathroom, full of curling irons and hair dryers and little paintings on the wall, cases of makeup and bottles of eyeliner or some other goop. The mats on the floor were lavender in color, and the hand towels matched, but the folded shower towels stacked in the cabinet under the sink were varying in colors. I set a black towel on the toilet seat and adjusted the water to just cooler than scalding. I stepped in and soaked for a moment, then looked for the shampoo. There were no less than eight different bottles of different kinds of shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, exfoliating something or another, all kinds of other things. The one that seemed the least girly was vanilla-scented, so I used that.

  It was as I was rinsing away the shampoo and letting my mind wander that it hit me.

  Alex was dead.

  I'd let myself forget. Pushed it away. A flash of memory hit me like tidal wave. Alex, on his back, eyes glazed open, the room smelling of death and vomit.

  I tried to rein in the memory, the panic attack. I couldn't, though. Image after image hit me: Alex, alive, smoking a bowl, laughing as he exhaled a cloud of smoke; Dad, driving his truck, me in the passenger, seat, letting out a rare laugh at something I said; Mom, at the stove, cooking pasta; Alex, dead; Dad, dead; Mom, dead. I saw their last moments, their last breaths. It became a rolling montage, a series of lightning strikes hitting me one after another.

  The water went lukewarm, and I felt my knees give out. I hit the bottom of the tub in a heap, trying to breathe, trying to stop shaking.

  I'd kept it together for so long, kept it all pushed away, put away. Locked deep down. Numb. And now Ever was there, threading her beautiful smile and stunning eyes and tender love throughout me, her passionate hunger for me, and it was unlocking all the secret rooms where I'd hidden those memories, and it was all coming out at once, and it was too much.

  I felt the water turn off. I was sweating, but I was cold. Shivering, aching, gasping.

  "Cade? What's wrong?" Ever, on her knees outside the tub. Her hand on my wet shoulder, brushing the hair from my eyes.

  "They're all...they all died. Mom died. Dad died. Alex died. They all left me. Mom left me. Dad left me. Alex left me." I heard the words but couldn't stop them or control them. "I watched them all die. I found Alex. Hours before I came to you. I found him. I knew he was in bad shape, but I didn't think he'd--I didn't know. I didn't know. And Dad just gave up. At least Mom fought. She tried to stay but couldn't, at the end. It took her. The cancer
took her. Dad...he just couldn't take it without her. Couldn't live without her, and so he just gave up, just fucking stopped living."

  "Cade, honey. I'm so sorry."

  "Everyone left me."

  "I'm here." She pressed a kiss to my cheekbone. "I'm here. I'm with you, Caden. I'm here with you."

  I gasped for breath, fought to get air into my lungs, fought to slow my heart. "Ever?" I knew it was her, but it came out as a question. "You can't die. You can't give up. I think I get now why Dad gave up."

  She put a hand underneath my shoulder and pulled at me. I sat up, worked to get out of the tub. As the panic attack left me, I felt wetness on my eyes, tears. Shame hit me. After what Ever had just done for me, I went and had a panic attack, and I was crying now. I tried to hide, but there was nowhere to go. I was naked still, wet. She unfolded the towel and rubbed my chest with it, my stomach, my shoulders, my back.

  I tried to take it from her, but she wouldn't let me. "Ever. I'm--I'm okay."

  She gave me the most tender, most gentle, most loving smile I'd ever seen, glowing bright on her lovely face. "Let me."

  I dropped my hand and kept my eyes on her, feeling the shame at her seeing me cry twist into something else. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm--I'm more of a mess than I'd thought, I guess. It just, it hit me. Alex, then Mom and Dad, and it all just--I don't normally cry--"

  She brushed the towel over my face, dabbing at my forehead, my cheeks, then over my head, going up on her tiptoes to reach my hair. "Don't apologize, and don't be ashamed. Please?"

  It felt so, so strange to have her there in the tiny bathroom with me, dressed in nothing but a tiny, slinky red thong, so gently drying me with a towel, her eyes gazing at me in a way that seemed as much a tender caress as the touch of her hands upon my skin.

  "It's just...you're seeing me at my worst, and we just...had such an amazing experience together, and I feel like I'm ruining it with that stupid--stupid panic attack. I've never had that happen before, and I couldn't stop it, it just hit me. And I don't want you to think--"

  She wrapped the towel around my waist, and I tucked it in place. Her palms rested on my chest and she pressed her body up against mine. "Cade, you're allowed to be upset about things. You didn't ruin anything. And what kind of love would this be between us if I couldn't see you at your worst and comfort you?"