Forever Lucy by Terri Anne Browning
“But you said—”
“And I meant it. I’ll be right here.” He tipped up my chin. “Go, Lucy. You need this.”
I knew he was right, but damn it, I didn’t want him to be. Fighting back tears, I pulled back. “Where is she?” I asked Dad in a voice tight with emotion.
“Our usual table. It’s more secluded. You should have a little privacy.” Before I could turn in that direction, he caught my wrist. “She loves you, Lu. Don’t be too hard on her.”
All I could do was nod once and pull free. I understood why they were sending me in there alone—she was my mom, for gods’ sake. It wasn’t like she was going to beat me or some crazy shit. But I couldn’t help feeling hurt they would do that to me.
Slowly, I made my way through the dining room to the table that seemed to be reserved for my family whenever we had a meal here. As I neared, I saw people from tables close to Mom shooting her curious looks. Most of them were men, and their gazes were full of the kind of hunger I had seen countless times in Dad’s eyes. Layla Thornton was a beautiful woman, and I looked more like her than I did Lana. There was only about an inch height difference between us, whereas Lana was taller like her father. We were curvier than our middle sister, and our complexions were creamier, and Lana’s was more olive.
With her long, cinnamon-colored hair hanging over her shoulders and down her back, in her designer black dress and a rock the size of a small planet on her ring finger that Dad had given her when they got married, she was the picture of high-class perfection. No one would have ever imagined she had once scrubbed floors and toilets just to feed Lana and me. She had worked hard to make sure we were taken care of, at times barely feeding herself to be certain we didn’t go hungry.
But that was before she had become Emmie Armstrong’s housekeeper. Before she had fallen in love with Dad at first sight.
Now she was the wife of one of the most legendary drummers in rock history, and men craved what Jesse Thornton had.
As I drew closer, I saw Mom’s face. Her eyes were darting around nervously, her teeth eating away the lipstick on her full lips just as I had done on the drive over. She looked as anxious as I felt, and for some reason, that put me a little at ease.
As she caught sight of me, Mom’s entire body seemed to jerk in reaction. She jumped to her feet when I neared the table, and her brown eyes filled with tears. I sucked in a sharp breath when her chin began to tremble. “Lucy,” she whispered so fiercely my heart contracted. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”
A lump clogged my throat, but I couldn’t look away from her desperate, pleading eyes. “Mom… I…”
With a soft sob, she pulled me into her arms, and I went willingly. This. This hug, feeling her arms wrapped around me so lovingly, the brush of her lips against my temple. That was all I had really wanted from the moment I had made my confession. It was what I had ached for, subconsciously or not. And it broke something open inside of me that had still been dammed up. The tears flowed freely, and the lump that had been choking me eased as she rocked me against her.
“I’m so, so sorry, Lucy,” she whispered again. “I love you so much, baby.”
“I love you too, Mom.” My voice cracked. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She just stood there holding me for the longest time. There were no words needed, not yet. It felt good simply to have her hugging me the way she used to. It was only when the murmurs of those around us reached my ears that I finally pulled back. She tenderly wiped away one of my tears.
“Can we talk?”
I nodded, and we sat at the table behind her. She turned her chair so we were facing each other and took both my hands. “Part of me didn’t even know what I was doing, Lucy. There was a section of my brain that tuned out the fact that I had pulled so completely away from you, and I didn’t even understand it. But…” She grimaced as if she were in physical pain. “There was another part of me that understood everything I was doing, that saw how much I was hurting you, and even though I hated myself for doing it, I couldn’t seem to stop.”
“I know I ruined everything, Mom,” I whispered brokenly.
“No!” She shook her head adamantly. “You did nothing wrong. You’re sick, Lucy. Don’t you think I know that? This wasn’t your fault. It’s mine and mine alone. I handled you telling me about…the cutting…wrong. And I just kept messing up from there onward. You are one of the three most precious people in my life. If something happened to you or your brothers, I would be devastated. It would kill me. So, I pretended like nothing was wrong, even while I started watching the twins for the smallest signs that something was going on with them. In the process of pretending, I wasn’t paying attention to the truth. In my delusion that everything was perfectly fine, I pushed you away to continue lying to myself.”
I started to speak, to tell her I understood, but she stopped me.
“I was selfish, Lucy. And it took Lana saying she didn’t even recognize me anymore for me to realize just how selfish I was actually being. Our sister, she doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and she flayed me alive. But I understood why. She loves you just as much as I do. You were her baby for four years before you became mine.”
“Mom—”
“No, please, let me finish.” She inhaled deeply and slowly let it out. “I can never make up to you for what I’ve done this past year. I don’t even know where to begin to make things right between us, and I realize I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Her chin trembled, and a few tears leaked from her eyes. “But, I’m asking you to anyway. I’m begging you to forgive me and give me another chance to be a part of your life. T-to be your mom again.”
It was my turn to wipe away her tears even as a few more fell from my own eyes. “You will always be my mom. No matter what happens, in my heart, you are my mom. I’ll admit there hasn’t been much in my life that has hurt quite as much as this wall that’s been between us.” She flinched, but I powered on. “But I don’t want to hurt anymore, Mom. I don’t want to go through life without you beside me. You’re not just my sister or my mom. You are one of my closest friends, and I love you so damn much.”
Relief filled her eyes, and she gave me a trembling smile. “I-I kind of won the daughter lottery when I got you, baby.”
I grinned. “Yeah, you sure are lucky.”
Laughing, she grabbed one of the linen napkins and dabbed at her eyes before handing it to me. But after a moment, the laughter died, and her face became pained once again. “I’m so sorry about the wedding. I guess I became motherzilla-of-the-bride. My only excuse is that I wanted everything to be perfect for you.”
I waved away her apology. “It’s not all your fault, Mom. I should have said something instead of letting it get so out of control.”
“Why didn’t you?” she asked in a quiet, soothing voice.
Damn, that was a loaded question. I had so many answers, so many excuses, but in the end, I had kept quiet because I’d wanted everyone to be happy. Yet, in the process, I was the one who had ended up miserable. I’d given up my own happiness for those around me when I never should have compromised my own well-being.
Mom’s eyes widened when I explained that to her. “Baby, don’t you ever—ever—do that again. Nothing is more important to me than your happiness. If that means you have to give me a verbal bitch slap every now and then, so be it.”
“I promise it won’t happen again,” I assured her.
“Dad told me you and Harris are doing all the planning on your own.” Her smile was sad but understanding and reassuring. “How has that been going?”
“I’ve had fun,” I told her honestly, even though I could see that stung her a little. “I’m sorry, but when you were helping me, I couldn’t have fun.”
“Don’t be sorry. I get it.” She reached for the two water glasses in front of us and handed one to me. “Tell me what you’re doing.”
For the next fifteen minutes, I told her everything Harris and I had already accomplished. She was so impressed
“You two seem to be having a good time over here,” Harris muttered dryly.
“When we didn’t hear from the two of you, we got worried.” Dad dropped a kiss on the top of my head before kissing Mom on the lips. “How are my two favorite girls doing?”
“Jess, wait until you hear about the cake the kids have picked out!” Mom gushed.
Dad’s eyes sparkled with relief and love for her as he dropped down into the seat beside Mom. “Tell me about this cake, Lu.”
Harris took the seat beside me as I told my dad about the new cake we had picked out. As we ordered dinner, Mom told us about their trip to Paris. Her cheeks filled with pink, and I knew she was leaving out a lot of details, something I was immensely grateful for. And I left out plenty of my own details as I told her about the trip to Colorado.
The night, something I had been dreading only an hour before, turned out to be one of my favorite dinners of the year. I was reluctant to call an end to it, but Mom asked if we could have lunch the next day. Happier than I had been in forever, I kissed her cheek and hugged Dad before Harris ushered me into the back of the Range Rover Marcus had pulled up in front of the restaurant.
“Night, baby!” Mom called.
“Night, Lu. Love you.”
I waved at them as Marcus pulled away. “Everything go well?” my bodyguard asked cautiously from the front seat.
Harris chuckled. “I’d say it was a success.”
Marcus seemed relieved. “That’s good. I don’t like it when the women are at odds with each other.”
“Me either, man. It turns the entire universe upside down.” Harris tucked me closer against him and touched his lips to my forehead. “But everything is perfect again. Right, sweetness?”
I snuggled deeper into him. “Yeah, babe. It’s perfect.”
Chapter 11
Harris
February
Lucy folded my T-shirt and placed it in my carry-on, quietly humming to herself like she didn’t have a care in the world. Meanwhile, my head was a fucked-up mess, and all I could think about was throwing her down on the bed and spending the next three days making love to her until neither one of us cared if we missed the parties our friends were throwing us this weekend.
All the things Jace had promised me we would do when we got to Vegas didn’t sound nearly as fun as they had a few months before. Having a guys’ weekend just drinking and blowing money at the tables held zero appeal for me. Whoever had invented bachelor and bachelorette parties was a dumbass who didn’t understand what it felt like to be so jealous at just the thought of the woman he loved having some dirty motherfucker dancing with his junk in her face.
I told Lucy exactly what my weekend plans were, down to which casinos the guys were taking me to. Yet Lucy hadn’t said a single word about where she was going this weekend, what Kin had planned for her. All I knew was that she had been happy about it all week and practically dancing from the excitement. Which meant she had to know at least some of what her maid of honor had planned for her.
“How many button-ups do you want me to pack for you, babe?” she asked as she stepped into my side of the closet.
“Two is fine,” I gritted out.
She sent me a smile over her shoulder. “Grab your toothbrush and other toiletries from the bathroom. You don’t want to be late to the airport. Jace will be here any minute.”
“Fuck Jace,” I muttered, but I did as she had requested. I’d tried to back out of this fucking weekend three times already, but my friend and best man hadn’t even listened to me. I didn’t know what was going on with that dickhead, but he was starting to piss me off. There were moments when I wondered if he was on drugs. But Jace was pretty straight-edged about that shit, and he never looked high.
He hadn’t confided in me what was messing with him, though. And I knew for a fact that he hadn’t mentioned what was happening with him to Kin. I didn’t need Lucy to tell me to figure out Kin was about two steps away from walking away from their relationship.
Either Jace was blind to the fact that his girlfriend was about to leave him, or he just didn’t care. I was going for the former, because I’d seen how hard it had been for him the last time they had been broken up. How desperate he’d been to get her back after leaving her to deal with her mother’s death all alone.
That Kin had put up with Jace’s secrets this long surprised the hell out of me. She had been fighting for them this time around, but that fight was quickly fading. She didn’t have the same light in her eyes she’d once had, and I could see the spark of life starting to flicker out.
So why the fuck couldn’t Jace see it?
I tossed my toiletries bag on top of the clothes Lucy had just packed for me, making her roll her eyes at me before putting the little bag in its rightful place. “I’ll text you when I get to my hotel later,” she promised, seeming oblivious to the fact that I was anything but happy about my bachelor party.
“What time will you get there?” But what I really wanted to ask was, Where the fuck are you going?
She glanced at the digital clock on the table on my side of the bed. “Shouldn’t be any later than six or seven Vegas time,” she assured me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and tilted her head back to grin up at me. “I hope you have a great time this weekend. But if you end up in jail, I’m gonna be pissed.”
“Best way to keep me out of jail is to tie me to the bed,” I half joked. “Then I can be at your mercy all weekend, and you won’t have to worry about having to bail me out.”
She smirked up at me. “Yeah, but I’m willing to bail you out so you can have this experience.” She stepped up onto her tiptoes, but I still had to lower my head so she could kiss me. Her lips barely touched mine before she was standing flat on her feet again, and her expression turned serious. “Babe, I know you’re not one hundred percent into going, but I don’t want you to miss out on your bachelor party. You’ll always regret it if you don’t go.”
“I would never regret choosing to stay home in bed with you over anything else.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet. But you can do that any other weekend.” She stepped back, picked up the carry-on and handed it over, before pushing me toward our bedroom door. “Now, go. I need to pack for myself.”
“Lucy…”
“Love you!” she called out, ignoring my imploring tone as she walked into the closet again. “Have fun!”
Biting back a slew of curses, I slammed the door. Marcus, who was sitting on the couch flipping through channels, looked up as I stomped toward the front door. “Problems?” he questioned with a side smile, which, for that guy, was like a full-on grin.
“She’s such a pain in the ass at times,” I grumbled. “Don’t let her out of your sight all weekend.”
He nodded. “That was my plan. Enjoy your weekend. Don’t get arrested. She’s not going to be happy if she has to cut her weekend short to come bail you out of jail.”
“So I’ve been told.” The doorbell rang, and I opened the door to find Jace standing on the other side alone. “Where’s Gray? I thought he was going with us.”
“He’s taking a later flight out,” my friend said in a huff. “You ready?”
I tossed my carry-on’s strap over my shoulder. “Yeah. Let’s go before I change my mind.”
Downstairs, Kale, Cash, and Sin were already waiting in the back of a yellow taxi van. They all seemed pumped up about the trip, including Jace. On the drive to the airport, Sin produced several flasks and started passing them around. By the time we got checked in, I was feeling a little mellower. The wait for our flight wasn’t long, but we still stopped at one of the bars for another round of drinks.
Nat had booked our flight, so we had most of the first-class section to ourselves. The five of us spent the f
We got checked in at the hotel, and the drinking only escalated after that. Instead of going out, we stayed in and had our own private poker game. The fridge in our kitchenette was stocked with enough beer to satisfy an entire army, which would probably last us the rest of the night if we were lucky.
“Jace, your damn phone is annoying the fuck out of me,” Sin bitched as he grabbed for the noisy device on the large table sitting in the middle of the living room in our huge-ass suite. “Who the fuck keeps calling you? Kin?”
Before Sin could even touch the phone, Jace snatched it up. I wasn’t even trying to look at it, but I saw the screen as Jace sent the caller to voice mail. It wasn’t Kin. There wasn’t even a name on the ID, but the number was an area code I didn’t recognize.
“Why does a number you don’t know keep calling you?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“I know the number,” he bit out before lifting his bottle of beer to his mouth.
“Then who the fuck is it?” He didn’t say a word, and my eyes narrowed. “Are you cheating on Kin?”
“Fuck no!” he yelled, tossing his cards on the table in front of him. “What the fuck? Why would you think that?”
The others stared at him like he’d lost his mind. “Because you’ve been acting shady since the summer tour,” Cash supplied for him.
“Because you’re more of a moody sonofabitch than I am the majority of the time,” Sin offered.
“Because your girlfriend thinks you are,” Kale informed him.
The last part had Jace’s entire face turning three different shades of white. “I’m not fucking cheating on Kin. Who told you that shit, Kale?”
“Santana tells me everything. The girls talk.” He nodded his head in my direction. “Right, Harris?”
“Yeah, man. Kin tells Lucy everything, and they don’t even try to hide what they’re talking about from me. She didn’t think it at first. For months, she tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. But you not talking to her has made her unable to assume anything but that you’re cheating.”