Free Me by Laurelin Paige
My gaze flicked down to the knife and back to my father’s face. JC tensed further under my hands, and I knew he’d fight for me. I couldn’t let him do it. He was smaller and unarmed. There’s no way he’d win, and the thought of him getting hurt…
My throat tightened.
“I’ll get it,” I said, lying through my teeth. “I’ll get the money for you. Just go.”
Dad didn’t even look at JC, as though his presence didn’t faze him in the least. “You see that you do. I’ll be back on Thursday. Same time.” He took a couple of steps backward then added, “You know I trust you, Gwen baby. Don’t let your father down.”
With a final nod, he went out the door.
JC followed to shut it after him, making sure it latched properly this time. I, on the other hand, ran to the sink, where I proceeded to dry heave.
***
JC got me a Sprite from the bar and had me sit on the worktable and drink it to try to calm my stomach. He took care of Paco, signing the paperwork that said the floor work was complete, and made sure the door was shut and locked after he left.
I watched him do my job, wondering if he thought I was helpless or if he was just being nice. I wasn’t helpless. I’d picked myself up after many attacks. This, though. This sweet attentiveness and concern—it was nice.
When JC disappeared back into the main part of the club, I called Norma.
“Are you alone now?” my sister asked after I’d told her everything.
“No. JC’s still with me.”
“Perfect. If you don’t stay with him, make sure he takes you home. Our apartment is secured, so you’d be safe there. I’ll talk to some people and see what our best options are from here. We’ll have to talk to the cops later, though. Are you good for now?”
I hadn’t cried, but now I felt like I might. “Mm-hmm,” I said, holding back the sob. “Thank you, sissy.”
JC returned as I clicked END. “I turned off all the lights and locked up the office.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice.
He nodded once in return. Then, taking a towel from the rack of dish linens by the sink, he asked, “Are you sure we shouldn’t have called the police?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Memories of red and blue lights arriving at our house flashed through my mind. The rare occasions that the neighbors cared enough to call them because of sounds of domestic distress. Each time they were there to rescue us. Each time Dad made his excuses—scared us into making excuses—and they left us to be hit again.
I took another sip of my Sprite and explained. “I’ve never had a good experience with police. I’d prefer to let Norma handle all of it. There are security cameras in this room. I’ll give her the tape, she can take it to whoever. She’ll make sure we do this right so he gets put back behind bars.”
I was still worried. My father had always been violent, but he wasn’t an idiot. He had to know I could report him. Did he think I was still so under his thumb that I wouldn’t?
“I don’t like this,” JC said, dropping a handful of ice from the bin into the towel.
“I know. Thank you for doing it my way.” From the look he gave me, I wasn’t so sure he planned on continuing doing things my way. I wouldn’t have been surprised to find he’d already called them while he was getting my drink.
But then, as he wrapped the towel up to keep the ice from spilling, he sighed. “I’ve been let down by the law before too. I understand doing things your own way.”
I pressed the somewhat cold drink to my aching cheek and stared at him, more grateful than ever for his presence, and only a little bit distracted by the realization that the last time I’d sat on this table, I’d had his cock inside me.
He walked over to me then and took the drink out of my hand. He set it on the table next to me and gently pressed the ice pack against my cheekbone. “This should work better.”
I hissed at the sting. He winced with me. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” I said through gritted teeth. “It will get better as it numbs.” I spoke from experience, but I bit my tongue before saying anything else on the matter, conscious of how much personal information I shared.
We were quiet for a few minutes, JC dabbing at my face while I tried not to wince. Then I realized, “Oh my God, I didn’t even say thank you! I would probably look even worse right now if you hadn’t come along when you did.”
He kept his eyes on his task. “I just wish I’d gotten here sooner. And you could never look anything related to the term worse. You’re breathtaking. As always.”
My stomach squirmed at his compliment. It was weird how he could make me get all shy and flustered from only a few words after all the things he’d seen me do naked. I looked down at my knees, hoping he thought my flush was from the cold of the ice. “How did you know I’d be here, anyway?”
His mouth turned down at the edges. “I didn’t. I was coming to see Matt.”
“Oh. I sent him home.” It was silly to be disappointed. He’d been there for me all the same. It didn’t matter if he’d come for me or not.
JC’s brows drew in. “I can’t believe he’d leave you here alone like that.” His words were terse and barely controlled.
“It’s not Matt’s fault. I shouldn’t have opened the door.” It had been a stupid mistake. My father was only one of the many bad situations that could have met me. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
JC lowered the towel from my cheek and looked me directly in the eyes. “No, you shouldn’t have.” His scolding completed, he returned the pack to my now-frozen face. “But trust me, Matt’s going to get an earful from me as well.”
The moment felt vulnerable and fragile, and though it might have only been me that was really vulnerable and fragile, it seemed like JC was as well. “You and Matt have a lot more between you than just your rental of The Deck, don’t you?”
His eyes flicked to mine then back to my cheek. “Yes.”
“But you don’t want to talk about it.”
“No.”
So much for vulnerable. All I ever got from him was walls, walls, walls. He’d shown up like my knight in shining armor, and I’d wanted to believe that it meant something. That I was someone he wanted to save. That I was worth fighting for.
But how could he think I was worth anything if he wouldn’t tell me even the simplest of details about himself?
It was impossible. I had to wake up and smell the coffee once and for all—he was never going to open up to me. I was never going to needle my way in. A relationship built on anything more than sex was never going to happen between us.
I wrapped my arms around myself, new tears pricking at my eyes. At least, if he asked, I could pretend they were for my father rather than JC. Though I doubted he’d even care if I said they were for him.
I sat up straighter. “I got this.” I reached to take the ice pack from him, ignoring the buzz that surged through my body as my hand touched his. “Sorry you had to deal with this. I’m sure I can take care of myself now.” Norma had told me to stay with him, but I couldn’t deal with the pain of rejection on top of everything else that had happened that morning.
He chuckled, not relinquishing the pack. “I’m not leaving you.”
“It’s fine. Really. This goes far beyond what we are.” It was bitchy and uncalled for, but I couldn’t help myself. I was hurting in so many ways. Lashing out felt good.
JC put the ice pack down and tilted his head to look at me. “Gwen, don’t.” The two words alone in that serious tone—they bit into me. Made me feel childish. Made me lose some of my bravado.
Some. Not all. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t belittle us.”
I scoffed. “I’m not saying anything you haven’t said.”
He placed his hands on either side of me, leveling his gaze, caging me in. “You’re right. I said it. It was complete bullshit then and it’s complete bullshit now.” He waited a beat. “You know I have feelings for you.”
My b
“You do?” It came out as a whisper, barely audible over the sound of my heart thump, thump, thumping in my chest. Maybe my father had hit me harder than I thought, and I was imagining this whole scenario.
JC smirked at me tenderly—was that a thing? Could people smirk tenderly? Because that’s what he did. “Don’t act like that surprises you. I know you know that I do.”
My breathing was back now, fast and shallow. I pinched my hip to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, which never works. If I really wanted to be sure, I needed to ask him to pinch me. Since my face was starting to sting again without the ice to keep it numb, I decided that was proof enough of my consciousness.
I played it cool, as if I weren’t completely floored by the conversation. “I’m surprised that you’re admitting it.” That only lasted half a second. “Why are you admitting it?” And why couldn’t you before?
Because he was right—I did know that he had feelings for me. It was the only thing that made it possible to go back to him week after week. He’d had feelings for quite some time, just as I had. So why was he only telling me now, out of the blue?
God, I hoped it wasn’t out of pity.
“Honestly, I don’t know.” JC let go of the table and ran his hand through his hair, his focus somewhere beyond me. “I got some news yesterday that I’ve been wanting for a long time. News that should have made me very happy. And yet all I could think was, I wonder what Gwen’s doing now. And when I walked in and saw that assface about to hit you, I’m going to be honest, I wanted him dead. Even more when I found out who he was. That he was your father. Someone who’d hurt you before.”
He reached a finger out to trace the hem of my skirt across my kneecap, sending a smattering of goose bumps down my skin. “I thought that I could keep anything with you away from the rest of my life.” His voice was quiet now. Raw. “That I could lock it in the space of our hotel room. But you’re everywhere. You’ve permeated everything I do, Gwen. It’s problematic for several reasons. But I think I’m just going to have to figure it out, because I can’t pretend it’s not happening anymore.”
He looked up, his eyes lost and pleading.
My heart lurched. “Christ. You are married, aren’t you?”
He laughed. “No. I’m not married.” His expression settled and his gaze went back to my cheek. He picked up the ice pack and was silent for several seconds, dabbing it against my cheek before he said, “I was engaged.”
“When?”
He shook his head once. “Not now. Before you. Several years ago. Her name was Corinne.”
“Was? Is she—?” I didn’t know how to finish my statement without sounding brash.
“Yes,” he said, his voice careful. “She’s dead. And the things I’m dealing with, the things that keep me from being everything I want to be with you, are related to that.”
“And you don’t want to talk about that either.”
He sighed. “I…I can’t. It’s not fair, I know.”
I shrugged, trying not to feel bad. This was progress, wasn’t it? Then why did I still feel so shut out?
“Gwen.” It was the same tone he’d used before. The don’t. I felt him saying it now with his body, with the plea in his voice.
He set the ice pack down again and gently brushed a stray hair off my face. Then he traced his thumb along my jaw, the side that was uninjured. Swept it tenderly across my skin. “I didn’t want to love you, Gwen. Not just because it wasn’t the right time, but because I didn’t want it to be possible to lose that much again.”
My pulse picked up, the hurt from a moment ago already erased with his new words. “But you do? Love me?”
Shit, I sounded eager. And hopeful. And happy.
“I do.” He dropped his hand. “That’s pretty much all I can give you right now. I can’t tell you the things you want to know. I can’t let you in on the rest of my life. Not yet. But I love you. I can give you that. Is that enough?”
It was honest and heartfelt, and for as many walls that he had surrounding him, I could still feel his earnest desire to connect. His sincere want to be with me. His utter and truthful love for me.
Was there anything else I really needed from him?
“It’s enough,” I said, my hands trembling in my lap. “For now, at least. I’ve been sticking around for a lot less. Not that really great sex is anything to scoff at.”
“Really great sex?” His smile was boyish, reaching all the way to his eyes. “Not just great sex but really great sex?”
I kicked him in the thigh then threw his own words back at him. “Don’t act like that surprises you. I know you know it is.”
He laughed, then cupped his hand behind my neck and pulled my face to his. He gave me one gentle, restrained kiss. “I want to kiss you more than this, but I’m worried I’m going to hurt you.”
“My mouth is completely fine.” Even if it weren’t, I would have endured the pain, because I needed to kiss him. Needed to feel his words in action.
“Thank God.” His words became muffled as he crushed his lips to mine. As gentle as he’d been with my face, he was equally rough with his kiss. He bruised me. He marked me, and I let him.
When I threw my arms around his neck and wove my fingers through his hair, I remembered how we’d kissed that day in March. How I’d felt free and light. How that glorious kiss had turned into something sad and empty when he’d turned me away. I’d realized that as liberated as he made me feel, I was now shackled in a new way, bound to JC with all my heart.
Which was only a bad thing if he went cold like he had before.
The thought of it brought a dark cloud over me. I pulled away.
JC didn’t let me go, one hand still at my neck, one around my waist. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He searched my face.
I tried to shake it off. “Nothing. No. I mean…” I decided to be honest with him. “I’m scared you’ll push me away again.”
He lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry I did that.” He lifted his gaze back to mine and stroked my good cheek with his fingers, so sweetly. With love. With adoration. “I was an asshole. I was falling for you, and I got scared. I didn’t know what I should do.”
Was I an idiot to believe things would be different this time? When I could still taste the pain of his rejection on my tongue?
“I still don’t know what I should do,” I said. But I knew what I would do—anything he wanted. He was my warden. I belonged to him.
“Well,” he fingered the collar of my shirt. “Do you love me?”
“I know that you know that I do.” I grinned a little too widely and gasped as the ache reignited in my face.
JC promptly returned the ice pack to my cheek, concern etched on his features. I covered his hand with mine. Then, because I hadn’t said it yet and I didn’t think it was fair to not let him hear the words, I said, “I do love you. Very much.”
His eyes brightened, but his face remained somber, serious. Desperate, even. “Then come be with me. Stay with me today. Tonight.”
“But it’s Tuesday.”
Now he smiled. Lacing his free hand through mine, he said, “I know what day it is. Be with me every day.”
And so I would.
Chapter Sixteen
When we got to our hotel room, JC fed me pain relievers and water. Then we stripped to our underwear and headed straight for the bed, where I promptly fell asleep. He held me as I let oblivion overtake me, kissing my face and neck every so often, and almost every time I stirred, I found him still there. The day’s events had exhausted me, and I slept until almost ten at night. But when I awoke, I felt refreshed and new and cared for.
Breakfast-slash-dinner greeted me. “I tried to order eggs and bacon,” JC said, bringing me a tray with a sandwich and fries. “The grilled cheese and bacon was the closest I could get until the Owl menu at eleven.”
I sat up against the headboard and took the tray. “I don’t think I’ve ever had coffee wi
“Should I have gotten something else?”
“Nope. This is perfect.” It was comfort food. And I was starving. I’d already eaten half of a sandwich by the time JC got into bed beside me with his tray. He’d ordered the same, minus the coffee.
After we were both settled, he handed me three Advil from a bottle on his nightstand. “How are you feeling?”
“All right. This will help.” I swallowed the pills. “Actually, my body almost aches as much as my face.” I must have really tightened up when I realized Dad was going to strike. I was out of practice.
JC shifted so he could knead the tension in my shoulders. “God, you’re all knots. I’ll run you a bath when you’re done eating.”
“Just me? Or will you join me?” The attentive boyfriend was sweet, but it was unfamiliar and somewhat awkward. And with the bruises from my father marking my face, his treatment felt a little like pity. I’d never sensed it from him before, and I hoped a little time together, slippery and naked, would fix that. “Because I hope you’ll join me.”
“You don’t have to ask me twice.” His fingers slid down my back and around to tease my nipple.
I moaned, leaning back into him, my hand finding him semi-hard in his boxer briefs. I squeezed playfully.
JC put a hand over mine, stopping my exploration. “Uh uh uh,” he scolded. “Not yet.”
I pretended to pout, or actually only half pretended since there was a part of my pout that was real and stinging from the rejection.
As always, JC read me and eased me.
“Soon,” he said, then licked along my earlobe. “I should warn you—you’re going to need more energy than you have to keep up with me tonight, Gwen.” His breath tickled where he’d left my skin wet. “So eat your dinner like a good girl, and then you’ll wait until I say before we start to get naughty.”
Now that was the man I’d fallen in love with. “Then let me go so I can.”
He laughed, removing his hands from me. We ate the rest of our meal in silence, exchanging flirty glances as we did. When we finished, he put our trays on the room service cart and rolled it into the other room. He came back and stood next to the bed, studying me intently.