Friends Talk: Life, Work, and Love by Ernest Llynn Lotecka
10. WHAT WAS IT? Focusing and Memory
PARK: Dick and Frank standing
DICK
I almost forgot that we’re walking today. I was
going to a movie until the calendar popped up.
FRANK
Gratitude for the calendar messages that remind
us of the calendar.
DICK
That’s true. I think I have an attention problem.
FRANK
Most of us do -- one way or another. Seems often
more about focusing.
DICK
It’s hard for me to focus on some things.
FRANK
But not other things, huh.
DICK
Right. There’s things I like to focus on.
FRANK
Me too. Maybe things we’re good at doing and
matter more to us.
DICK
I’ve heard that for uninteresting things, about 5
seconds of focusing is needed to remember them.
FRANK
That’s true with knowing where I put my keys. Also
putting them in the same special place helps.
DICK
Where it gets mind boggling is having to remember
many things for an event.
FRANK
I’ve seen you writing things down and I tried it. It frees
up my mind. Thanks pal.
DICK
You’re welcome. I write down my ideas and other
stuff, but it hard to keep track of all the little notes.
FRANK
I’ve found having checklists to cover everything
to do or take is the only way I can be sure.
DICK
Oh, like the checklists pilots and campers use to
not miss any essentials for their trips.
FRANK
Lists are a powerful tool. Another tool I like
is a timer to take a timeout when I’m too stressed.
DICK
Sometimes I just try to go faster when I’m tense,
then it’s harder to pay attention to details.
FRANK
Yeah, more trying then gives less success. So
that’s when a relaxing time-out or “breather”
really helps.
DICK
You were telling me that Lori helped you get to
sleep easier with some relaxation techniques.
FRANK
Those relaxing words and images reduce stress
anytime. The time spent is well rewarded.
DICK
Let’s do a relaxing walk through these trees.
FRANK
And like the ancient advice, pay attention to
one thing at a time
They look around.
11. AWESOME EMPATHY* Fixing vs. Listening
COURTYARD: Frank and Lori in front of fountain
LORI (agitated)
Sally really bugged me again today, Frank.
FRANK
You should tell her to stop the buggy arguments or
you’ll use the bug spray. Let’s watch a video, Lori.
LORI (amused, then irritated)
That’s not what I was wanting.
FRANK (surprised)
What do you mean? I was just trying to help you get
over it.
LORI
I don’t want you giving me a quick fix.
FRANK
Then what do you want?
LORI
I just want you to listen and hear me out.
FRANK
Well I’m here now to hear you.
LORI
I was pretty mad.
FRANK
What happened?
LORI
She was changing what we agreed on again!
FRANK
Frustrating huh?
LORI
Yah.
FRANK (nodding)
LORI
And insulting.
FRANK
You felt put down?
LORI
I felt hurt because we’ve been friends.
FRANK
Hmm.
LORI
She could have asked me before breaking
another agreement.
FRANK
Yeah.
LORI
How would you have felt?
FRANK
Probably the same.
LORI
And I’ve been holding onto resentments
of Sally for quite awhile.
FRANK (looking and nodding)
LORI (sighing)
Now I feel clearer, lighter after telling you about it.
FRANK
I can see that. Good!
LORI (warmly)
Thanks for listening, Frank.
FRANK
You’re welcome. You’ve done that for me.
LORI
I really appreciate your empathy.
FRANK (smiling)
Is that what it’s called?
They look openly at each other.
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PARK: Dick and Frank standing
DICK
I almost forgot that we’re walking today. I was
going to a movie until the calendar popped up.
FRANK
Gratitude for the calendar messages that remind
us of the calendar.
DICK
That’s true. I think I have an attention problem.
FRANK
Most of us do -- one way or another. Seems often
more about focusing.
DICK
It’s hard for me to focus on some things.
FRANK
But not other things, huh.
DICK
Right. There’s things I like to focus on.
FRANK
Me too. Maybe things we’re good at doing and
matter more to us.
DICK
I’ve heard that for uninteresting things, about 5
seconds of focusing is needed to remember them.
FRANK
That’s true with knowing where I put my keys. Also
putting them in the same special place helps.
DICK
Where it gets mind boggling is having to remember
many things for an event.
FRANK
I’ve seen you writing things down and I tried it. It frees
up my mind. Thanks pal.
DICK
You’re welcome. I write down my ideas and other
stuff, but it hard to keep track of all the little notes.
FRANK
I’ve found having checklists to cover everything
to do or take is the only way I can be sure.
DICK
Oh, like the checklists pilots and campers use to
not miss any essentials for their trips.
FRANK
Lists are a powerful tool. Another tool I like
is a timer to take a timeout when I’m too stressed.
DICK
Sometimes I just try to go faster when I’m tense,
then it’s harder to pay attention to details.
FRANK
Yeah, more trying then gives less success. So
that’s when a relaxing time-out or “breather”
really helps.
DICK
You were telling me that Lori helped you get to
sleep easier with some relaxation techniques.
FRANK
Those relaxing words and images reduce stress
anytime. The time spent is well rewarded.
DICK
Let’s do a relaxing walk through these trees.
FRANK
And like the ancient advice, pay attention to
one thing at a time
They look around.
11. AWESOME EMPATHY* Fixing vs. Listening
COURTYARD: Frank and Lori in front of fountain
LORI (agitated)
Sally really bugged me again today, Frank.
FRANK
You should tell her to stop the buggy arguments or
you’ll use the bug spray. Let’s watch a video, Lori.
LORI (amused, then irritated)
That’s not what I was wanting.
FRANK (surprised)
What do you mean? I was just trying to help you get
over it.
LORI
I don’t want you giving me a quick fix.
FRANK
Then what do you want?
LORI
I just want you to listen and hear me out.
FRANK
Well I’m here now to hear you.
LORI
I was pretty mad.
FRANK
What happened?
LORI
She was changing what we agreed on again!
FRANK
Frustrating huh?
LORI
Yah.
FRANK (nodding)
LORI
And insulting.
FRANK
You felt put down?
LORI
I felt hurt because we’ve been friends.
FRANK
Hmm.
LORI
She could have asked me before breaking
another agreement.
FRANK
Yeah.
LORI
How would you have felt?
FRANK
Probably the same.
LORI
And I’ve been holding onto resentments
of Sally for quite awhile.
FRANK (looking and nodding)
LORI (sighing)
Now I feel clearer, lighter after telling you about it.
FRANK
I can see that. Good!
LORI (warmly)
Thanks for listening, Frank.
FRANK
You’re welcome. You’ve done that for me.
LORI
I really appreciate your empathy.
FRANK (smiling)
Is that what it’s called?
They look openly at each other.