Hard to Break by Bella Jewel
I shower with my foot poking out, and then I find one of Tazen’s work shirts on the shelves. I pull it on and then make a bed on the floor with towels, a sheet and my purse as a pillow. It’s horrible and uncomfortable, but it’s safe. I lie down and try Tazen once more, but he still doesn’t answer. I’ll stay here until he does. As I wind down, my thoughts start invading. My throat gets tight and more tears spring to my eyes as I relive what went down.
My dad tried to hurt me.
My dad … who was once my hero.
Another sob escapes and I curl into a ball. I stay that way until I cry myself to sleep.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
My phone rings, jerking me out of a restless sleep. I reach out groggily and see it’s Tazen. My heart lurches as I quickly answer it, putting it to my ear. I need him right now. I need him so badly it hurts. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. It seems stupid, that up until this point I’ve not spent time with him in his home. If I did, I would have gone straight to him. I’m keeping it together well, right up until I hear his low, husky voice.
“Baby,” he murmurs. “How’re you doing?”
I lose it.
“Tazen,” I croak.
“Quinn?” he says, his voice alert now. “What’s wrong?”
“I … Tazen, I’m hurt. I need you. I … I need you.”
“Are you in pain? Shit, Quinn where are you?”
“I’m…” I swallow. “At the garage.”
“You tried to call me, fuck, angel, I didn’t hear it.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “Just come, please.”
“I’m coming, sit tight.”
I hang up and push myself into a sitting position. I tuck my legs up to my chest and rest my chin on my knees as I wait. I can’t stop the thoughts invading my mind, as I think about everything that’s happened. I don’t know if I can go back and see Dad, I don’t know if I can live with him anymore. What’s going to happen next time? He could hurt me severely, or worse, kill me. If that bottle had hit the wrong spot … God. My chest burns at the memory of him throwing it at me, and even though I have cried for hours, I have to fight back more tears now. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know who to turn to.
As promised, Tazen is running through the garage door only ten minutes later. I push to my feet and walk over, stopping in front of him. As soon as he sees me, rage washes through his face and he hisses, “Who did that to you?”
My bottom lip trembles and his face softens. He steps in closer, wraps his arms around me and kicks the door closed behind him. He lifts me into his arms and walks into the office, sitting down on a chair, with me in his lap.
“Talk to me.”
“Th-th-th-there were problems with Dad last night.”
His entire body turns to stone.
“Tell me,” he rasps. “Fucking tell me he did not do that to your face.”
I press my cheek against his chest, and say nothing.
“Angel,” he says through gritted teeth. “Did your father do that to you?”
“He was angry about having no alcohol. He had a headache and…”
“Shit,” he growls, cutting me off. “Fucking shit.”
“He … he’s never … he’s never done something like that before.”
“You need to tell me what he did.”
I curl my fingers into his shirt and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
“When we came home, he woke up and demanded alcohol. I thought I’d thrown it all away, but he had some whiskey stashed in his room. I tried to stop him and he said some”—my voice hitches—“horrible things. Then he just lifted his bottle and threw it at my head. It smashed all over the floor and I stepped on it…”
“What?” Tazen whispers, his voice so hoarse it’s no longer working.
“It’s fine, I’m…”
“Show me.”
He moves me without warning and twists, putting me down onto the desk. He kneels down, taking my foot. I don’t bother protesting as he unwraps it and stares down at the wound. His jaw tics and he stares blankly at it for so long, I begin to panic. His thumb gently runs over the ugly slice and then he wraps it back up before standing abruptly.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“Tazen,” I cry, panic rising in my chest.
He stares at me, and there’s fire in his brown eyes. “I said,” he grinds out, “I’ll be back soon.”
“Please,” I beg. “Don’t hurt him. He’s sick.”
“He hurt his child, he threw a bottle at her head, then she sliced her foot open on its broken pieces. He might be sick, but he will not get away with violence.”
“Tazen,” I cry, standing on wobbly legs. “He’s my dad, he’s all I have. Don’t hurt him.”
He stares me right in the eyes, but his expression has softened slightly. “I won’t hurt him, Quinn, I would never do that to you, but this has to end.”
I open my mouth to protest but he steps forward, curling his fingers around the back of my head. He brings me close so our foreheads are touching. “Trust me, angel.”
I nod and close my eyes. He pulls back and kisses my forehead, before disappearing out the door. I hobble back to the chair and sit down, rubbing my stomach to break down the nerves swelling there. I wait like that for what seems like hours, maybe it is, my legs go numb and I’m sure I only breathe enough air to keep me conscious, because the rest of the time I hold my breath.
I hear the sound of the main garage door opening.
I stand up and rush as quickly as I can over to it. My eyes widen when I see Tazen and my father standing in the entrance. Tazen has his hand on my father’s shoulder and he shoves him forward, not roughly but giving a clear message that he isn’t going to take any shit.
“Quinnie,” Dad whispers, his bottom lip trembling as his eyes scan over my face.
“Are you seeing this, Rob?” Tazen says in a hard tone. “Do you see her face?”
“Tazen,” I say.
His eyes dart to mine. “Quinn, you’re going to stop babying him right now and let him see what he’s become. If you love him, trust me, this is for the best.”
He’s right, somewhere down deep inside I know this. I have to stop feeling sorry for my dad. I have to stop feeling guilty for trying to move on with my life. It’s time I step up and make my dad get the help he needs, no matter what it takes.
“I’m so sorry, Quinn,” Dad rasps. “I wasn’t thinking. My head … it hurt so badly. I just needed a drink to take the edge off.”
I stare at him, and usually I’d forgive him, but I can’t until he takes responsibility for this. If I don’t let him, he’ll never change.
“You hurt me, Dad, and you scared me.”
His lip trembles again but I keep it together. “I didn’t mean…”
“That doesn’t matter,” I rasp, fighting back emotion. “It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to, you did. You did and you need to admit how bad your alcoholism is and change. I can’t be your babysitter anymore, I can’t be your parent and I can’t keep picking up the pieces. If you love me, if you’re truly ashamed of what you did, then you’ll go and get help.”
His head drops and a tear runs down his cheek and drips off his nose. “I never … I’m so sorry.”
“I know you are,” I say, because it’s the truth. “But if you want to prove to me you’re willing to learn from this and change, then get the help you need.”
He looks up at me, then to Tazen. “This boy,” he begins. “He knows a place that I can go … get the help I need.”
I look to Tazen. “You do?”
He nods. “My dad was in there for a while.”
Tazen’s dad was an alcoholic. Our eyes meet and something sparks between us … it’s understanding.
“Did it help?” I ask hopefully.
Tazen shakes his head. “My uncle busted him out before they got the chance to make it work, but Rob is going to stay in there, aren’t you, Rob? It’s one of the
My dad nods.
“I’ve given them a call. He is going straight down there. I’ve got him in a six-month program.”
“I don’t … how much does that cost?”
Tazen’s eyes soften. “You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Tazen…”
“You don’t,” he leans in closer, “need to worry about that.”
I swallow and nod weakly, so humbled by his help. He reaches out, capturing my hand. “Get your purse, baby. He needs you right about now.”
I do as he asks, and get my purse.
Then I take his hand and we take my dad to get the help he needs.
Finally.
* * *
Tazen and I take Dad to the rehab center. I’m still uncomfortable about the entire situation. I’m still upset and confused over what happened between Dad and me, but I’m also uncomfortable with the fact that Tazen is paying for it. I mean sure, we’ve got something solid between us but it is such a massive expense.
I would have found a way though, even if he didn’t. After what happened, I know this is the only place Dad can be now. I have a pain etched deep down in my heart at the thought of him being alone, but I no longer have a deep sense of guilt. He needs this place, and I need to figure out how to live my own life. I won’t sell his shack, I’ll clean it up with the money from the sale of the garage so when he gets out he has a place to live.
Me … I’m finding my own place.
It’s time for me to move on.
Dad tells Tazen and me that he doesn’t want us to take him inside, that he would rather do it alone. That hurts me, but I don’t argue. I don’t have it in me to argue. When he hugs me, I’m stiff as a board, but I manage to pat his back lamely. I don’t cry, in fact, I’m not sure I have any tears left. He hurt me, he stole something from me I’m not sure I’ll get back easily. I need time to process all of that.
“Good luck,” I say. It’s all I can say.
“I’m sorry, Quinnie,” he says on a whisper. “I’ll prove to you I want to change.”
I nod. “I hope so, Dad.”
I watch my father disappear inside the large building and then I turn to Tazen. I don’t know what my expression says, but it must say a lot because he reaches out and cups my jaw in his hands. He steps closer, treating me as if I’m china and I’m about to break. “Are you doin’ okay there, angel?”
I look up into his eyes. “It’s the best thing for him.”
“That isn’t what I asked.”
I look away, but he tilts my head so I’m forced to meet his eyes again. “I’ll be okay, Tazen.”
“Are we going to have problems with me doing this?”
I sigh. “I can’t let you pay for something like that … we’re together, yes, but … that’s a lot of money.”
I hesitate and he jumps in.
“I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to pay attention because I won’t say it again. First, I make more money than you could begin to imagine, so the expense for this is nothing to me and it’s the least I can do after buying out the garage.”
My heart swells. It swells and explodes.
“Second,” he goes on. “I’ve been in your situation, angel. You might not know it looking at me, but I know how it feels to live in a difficult situation…”
Now my interest is piqued, but I say nothing and let him continue.
“Third.” He leans in close, pulling me to him. “I’ve had a lot of women but none of them have managed to get under my skin the way you have. You drive me batshit crazy and make me feel fucking incredible all at the same time. I don’t know if we’ll go far, I don’t know if it’ll last, but I hope to god it does because you’re changing me. I need that to be enough for you right now. I need you to let me help.”
Something beautiful and warm explodes in my chest, something that coats all the ugly and makes me feel something I haven’t felt in my entire life … joy. Pure, unadulterated joy. And I want more of it. I want as much as I can take. So, with a smile, I say the only thing I can, “Tazen Watts … are you officially asking me to go steady?”
He bursts out laughing.
I think that’s a yes.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
It’s been two weeks since Dad went in and started his long road to recovery. He hasn’t called me. The nurses and doctors have informed me that the first four days were agony, but he’s slowly getting better with each passing day, but it’s still a long process that requires a lot of work. I’m glad that he’s getting through. I’ll call and visit him as soon as I can, but we both need this time.
I’m feeling better about everything, and have tried to push the incident to the back of my mind by keeping busy at work. Tazen has kept me occupied by helping me sort Dad’s house and apartment hunt for my own place. We’re going away tomorrow, back to L.A. to visit his other garage and attend the massive unveiling of a car. Plus we’re going to watch a race with one of his builds, and attend a charity function.
I’m looking forward to it for more reasons than one. Getting away is something I need desperately, and getting away with Tazen I think I might just need even more. Things between us have been good. We’ve been spending time together, we’ve worked together, even though it’s on separate jobs, and we even went out to dinner last night. There’s something between us, a deep spark that’s proving to be rather beautiful.
I’m nervous about going away for a few days, but it’s a good nervous. Being alone with Tazen isn’t something I thought I’d ever be doing. Then there’s the fact that he’s taking me to his original garage. That blows my mind. I’ve wanted to see where he started for so long, ever since I first watched his show on television. There’s something about seeing where someone started out.
“How’s the fix coming along?”
I jerk out of my thoughts and stare over at Toby, who has his arms crossed over his chest. He’s giving me his usual angry look. I still haven’t figured that guy out. Damn him. I will get the better of him eventually. He has me curious, that’s for sure. I give him a bright smile even though he’s giving me a glare.
“It’s fine.”
He raises his brows. “Fine?”
“Yes.” I nod. “It’s fine.”
“Tazen asked when it’ll be complete.”
“Tell my hunk of a boss, that if he wants to know that, he can ask me himself.”
I get back to work and listen to Toby’s grunt. I smile and focus on the task at hand. I might also be thinking about what I’m going to take for our weekend away. We’re going to a charity dinner, which means I’ll need a nice dress. I wonder if I have time to go and buy one before we leave. I’m deep in this thought, when a hard body presses against my back.
“Are you being difficult, angel?”
I grin at the sound of Tazen’s voice. His hand slides around and lands on my stomach, pulling me back into him. “No, I said it’s fine. That’s an answer.”
“I’m thinking you’re pushing me to bend you over another car.”
I shiver. “Maybe I am.”
He presses his lips to my neck and we hear the grunting of the guys around us.
“Fuck, take it outside,” Rick mutters.
I grin and turn, reaching up and hooking my arms around Tazen’s neck. Then I lean in and kiss him. I make it deep and hard, with loads of tongue.
“Jesus,” Drasco yells. “That’s sick.”
“It’s awesome.” Kellan laughs.
“Fuck,” Toby grunts.
I pull back and see Tazen is grinning, obviously impressed by my show of affection.
“I’m going to leave early today. I need to get a dress.”
He shakes his head and I frown.
“We’re going to a charity dinner,” I point out. “I can’t go without a dress.”
His lips quirk. “I already got you one.”
I blink. “You got me one?”
“Yeah, I got you one.??
I narrow my eyes at him. “You got me one.”
He chuckles. “Okay, my sister got you one. I gave her your size and she got you one, well, it’s actually three so you can choose.”
My mouth drops open. “Three?”
“Yeah, baby, three.”
“But … I don’t need three.”
He leans down, brushing his lips against mine. “Only the best for my girl.”
His girl.
That feels nice.
“Yes, but … three?”
He leans back with a wolfish grin. “That’s three for me to peel off.”
I slap his chest. “You’re an animal. And … you got your sister to do it!”
He shrugs. “She thought it was fun.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be sure to put them all to good use.”
“You won’t be wearing any of them for long,” he says, spinning me back towards my job and slapping my ass. “Now get back to work.”
“Aye aye, boss.”
He walks away with a chuckle.
I get back to work with a smile.
* * *
The plane ride to L.A. isn’t long and we arrive just as the sun is setting. I’ve never been here before, so I’m fascinated as we drive through the busy streets. We arrive at our hotel and check in. Tazen has planned for us to meet his family for dinner, which has my stomach twisting with nerves. I hope they don’t think I’m too … average … for their son.
The hotel is beautiful, but I did notice Tazen didn’t go over the top with the room. I think he did that for me, and the very idea makes my heart swell. He doesn’t want me feeling uncomfortable. It is a nice room, though. It has a massive king bed, a beautiful patio that overlooks the lights of the city and a seriously awesome bath. As soon as we shut the door, I drop my bags and rush out onto the patio.
Tazen is behind me in seconds, wrapping his arms around me.
“You like it?”
“It’s amazing,” I breathe. “So pretty.”
“Yeah, I liked living here.”
“Why did you leave?” I ask, twisting so I’m facing him.
“Florida has better clientele for racing—so therefore more business for me. And more opportunities to build racing cars.”