Heat Wave by Karina Halle
I rub my lips together, taking in a deep breath. “I’m not afraid,” I tell him.
“You are,” he says. “And that’s okay. I’m afraid too. Deep down. About what the world will say. But in the end, it’s not going to matter. The only thing that matters is us. I don’t want to hide us anymore. Veronica, I want you. I want all of you. All the time, every day, until the end. I want to tell the world just how much you mean to me because you are my world.”
I’m melting from the inside out. I always though Logan would be the one to make me shatter, but that’s not the case at all. It’s less violent than that. I’m liquefied, I’m reduced, I’m shedding every ounce of hardness I have, that plaster cast, the hard shell, it’s sloughing off until there’s nothing left but my heart, beating and exposed and all for him.
“Veronica,” he says, adding a nervous smile, “Ronnie. Freckles. I am one-hundred-percent, madly, endlessly, hopelessly in love with you.”
And there I go.
Veronica Locke has lost her heart.
Last seen in a puddle on the floor.
Now suspected in this man’s hands.
I can barely fucking breathe.
He loves me.
He loves me.
I try and speak. I try and get the words out. I know that the tears are coming to my eyes again, that I’m smiling so broadly I think my face is cracking open. I know this world is stop motion, slow motion, that the planet might actually be spinning backward. I wouldn’t notice.
And Logan, this beautiful, amazing man, has my heart.
He has all of me.
“I love you,” I whisper, choking on my words. “I love you.”
His smile lights up the darkness, fuels my spirit. He leans across the table, grabbing my face in his hands and kisses me until I’m reeling, breathless, wild.
“Ahem.”
We break apart, grinning like fools, to see the waiter standing by us with our main courses.
“Sorry to interrupt,” he says.
I barely hear him, and even though our food, grilled mahi mahi and wahoo, looks amazing, I’ve lost my appetite. I can’t think of anything right now but Logan, I don’t want to have anything else but him and his beautiful words.
He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.
To be honest, I’ve never had those words spoken to me before. I never knew what it would feel like to hear them, and only imagined how good it could be. But now that Logan’s told me he loves me, now that I’ve told him, I know my imagination never even came close to this gorgeous reality.
I’m flying.
Logan has a dashing smile on his face, one of awe and wonder, and pushes the food around on his plate. “Honestly, and I’m not just saying this because you’re here, but food never tastes good unless you’re cooking it. Did you want to get these to go and get out of here? I don’t think I can eat right now. Not this, anyway.”
“Yes,” I say emphatically. I want go back to his place and fall into bed with him and never leave. I want him inside me while he says those words, I want to feel what it’s like to make love while being in love.
The waiter doesn’t seem all that surprised. I down the rest of my lychee martini and soon we’re in his Jeep, heading up the highway, until Logan quickly stops by the Foodland grocery store and picks up two floral leis.
“The plumeria is for you,” he says. “The hibiscus is for Juliet.”
“Juliet?” I think to her marker on the side of the road. “You’re the one who leaves the flowers for her?” My heart pinches at the thought, both for him being so thoughtful and for him being so invested still.
“I try to,” he says. “But other people do too. I think someone at Moonwater does, maybe Johnny. And I think that prick she was sleeping with does too.”
“I guess that makes him less of a prick though,” I point out.
“Yeah, I know,” he says, adjusting his hands on the steering wheel. “Believe me, it doesn’t hurt to think about the two of them together, more a blow to the pride than anything, and I’m used to that.” He glances at me, his eyes glinting in the passing streetlights. “Did I tell you I went to his house once.”
“What?”
“Yeah. A few months after Juliet’s accident. I went over there looking to kill him and…well, it didn’t turn out that way. I told him what happened and he was wrecked. Not quite in the same way I was wrecked, but at least I realized it wasn’t just a fling between the two of them. He had feelings for her and he was sorry. His apology didn’t change anything but he was sorry.”
“Wow,” I say. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.”
He sighs heavily. “It wasn’t easy. But it had to be done. And it made me realize some things. Though the guy was sorry, he was still a dickhead. I mean, an absolute wanker. Not so much in the sense that he was a vile homewrecker, which he was, but just in his personality. And, to be honest, he was better suited to Juliet than I was. He was a lawyer. He was ambitious. He had all the makings of someone who wanted to climb to the top and would do anything to stay there, and Juliet was like that too.”
“Tell me about it.”
“What I mean is, I finally saw why she and I never worked out. And now I see why you and I do. We’re far more alike than you would guess. That’s what I first saw in you.” He glances at me, frowning. “I know I told you that my mother couldn’t come to our wedding because of her illnesses. Well that’s not exactly true. My mother does have some problems but the reality is…she’s a horrible human being.”
My eyes widen.
He goes on. “I know it sounds bloody awful for me to say that but it’s the truth. And I only had her growing up. My dad left us when I was young, I barely have memories of him, though the memories I do have aren’t bad. At least there was some love there, but my dad got caught up with gambling and that did him in. And I’m sure my own mother didn’t help either.”
“What did she do?” I ask quietly.
“It’s more like what she didn’t do. Which, to put it bluntly, was to fucking love us. But compared to you and Juliet, it was different. Both Kit and I got the shit end of the stick. My mother would sit around all day in her bloody chair, smoking packs of cigarettes until her ashtray was piled high, and she’d make us cook and clean and do everything for her. If we did it, we didn’t get harassed. If we didn’t do it, she would go out of her way to make sure our lives were a living hell. My brother and I got nothing. Of course back then, we were growing up rural and this seemed to be the norm. Emotional abuse was never talked about and lack of love was something that was swept under the rug. My mom worked her job at the bank and when she wasn’t there, she was terrorizing us and we thought that’s how life was supposed to be. Loveless and full of fear.”
I had no idea at all it was like this for Logan. I knew he was reluctant to talk about his mother, but I thought it was because he had nothing to say about her or just didn’t want to seem like a dick when I had my own mother to complain about. Instead, his mom sounds worse than mine.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I wish you told me this sooner.
“I should have. I don’t know why I didn’t. ” He shrugs. “And the crazy thing is, I grew up still wanting her approval. It’s no wonder that Kit ended up in the outback up north, far away from where we grew up, and I ended up all the way over here.” He looks at me, a softness coming over his eyes. “And so when I met you, I knew. I knew you’d come from a similar place. Your mother can be pretty awful, I’ll give you that much, but thankfully you never had to do what we had to do. Even so, I recognized them as the same. Sometimes I think I fell for Juliet because I saw it as another way to prove myself, even though it was to your mother and not mine. How fucked up is that?”
He exhales heavily through his nose, staring out at the headlights on the road. “Anyway, seeing that wanker that Juliet was with made me realize that we’ve all got our own people. Somewhere out there there’s someone who is part of your tribe, who belongs
My chest is expanding with a joy so acute, I’m not sure how to handle it, where the feeling should go. I’m just drowning in it, taking in his words instead of air, until it’s everything I am and all that I’ll need.
“If you’ll belong to my heart,” I tell him breathlessly, reaching across and tracing my fingers along his ear, his cheekbones, down the length of his beard to his chin. “I know you always have.”
What a bunch of fucking saps we are. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
On the way back to Moonwater we stop by Juliet’s marker, the scene of the crash, taking great care as we park on the side of the road. We don’t have time for a vigil or even a few words – it’s a narrow, dangerous spot and you have to make it quick. But the two of us get out, hand in hand, and run over, laying down the lei, the headlights from the Jeep illuminating us. A soft rain is starting to fall.
Even though we don’t say anything out loud, I tell Juliet that I liked seeing her today, that I hope I’ll see her again, whale or not, and that I love her. Maybe just as family, in that deep-rooted way you can’t escape, but I love her all the same.
Then we head back to Moonwater, the place she helped create, and I vow to keep it going in her honor, and to one day make her proud.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“Ron, help! Help! I’m stuck.”
I’m already smiling at the sound of Kate’s panicked voice and look up from my bed to see her trying to walk across the apartment, in her underwear, a dress all bundled around her head, her arms caught inside at an uncomfortable angle.
“What did you do?” I ask, coming over to her and trying to yank it up over her head.
“I told you I don’t wear dresses,” she says, trying to twist her body away from me. I keep thinking I’m going to pull her arms out of her sockets.
“Just because you don’t wear dresses doesn’t mean you should be trapped in them every time.” I grunt, holding the sleeves and trying to yank it off. “It’s not rocket science. You put your head and arms where the holes are.”
“That’s what she said,” she mumbles and then suddenly she’s free and nearly falling backwards.
I avert my eyes politely because she’s topless, and shove the dress in her hands. “Anyway, I told you to borrow one of my dresses. They’re much bigger and you won’t get stuck.”
“Fine,” she says, waving her hand in my face. “Give me something.”
“Go put on a bra and we’ll talk.”
She grumbles as she turns around and heads back to her room.
It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re having the party of the century at the Ohana Lounge. Well, maybe not the century, or even the year, but definitely the month. It’s not just for staff either, there are guests here too. I’m just lucky I don’t have to cook – I convinced Logan to let me have the night off and to hire catering instead. Pupus for everyone.
Of course it didn’t take much convincing for Logan since he’s in love with me, which makes him a pretty shit boss these days. It’s been almost a month since we told each other how we felt and a month where we’ve managed to keep our relationship on the lowdown.
Even Kate is getting used to it. I think. At any rate, it’s brought us closer together since I’m in full-on “in love” mode and every single thing revolves around Logan, which means all I want to do is talk about him all day long and there’s no one else to confide in.
Actually that’s not true. Daniel for sure knows something is up, but he’s not saying a word and we don’t discuss it with each other either. But even when it comes to my friend Claire back at home, I’m still keeping Logan a secret.
To be honest, the sneaking around is getting a bit tiring. When we’re around each other at Moonwater we have to pretend to be on a strictly professional level, and when you’re constantly screwing and you’re in love, that gets really hard to hide. We’ve messed up on a few occasions but luckily no one has seemed to notice. The only time we can really be together, be ourselves, is at his house or in here if Kate isn’t around. She doesn’t mind that much that he sometimes comes over but I know she finds the whole thing weird, and so far we’ve been able to not act like a couple around her, just for her sake.
When Kate comes back in my room, she’s wearing a bra, so I give her a blue and white cocktail dress I picked up at Anthropologie before I moved here. It’s not exactly formal, but since Kate lives in board shorts and tank-tops, any dress will make her look like she’s going to the goddamn Oscars or something.
She slips it on – with ease this time – and sighs, hands on her hips. “Do I look dumb?”
“You look cute,” I tell her. “Charlie won’t know what hit him.”
“For the last time, I’m not kissing him at midnight,” she growls.
“Oh, then who are you kissing, because it ain’t Logan.”
“Phhhf, please, you couldn’t pay me to kiss that old man. His teeth would probably fall out in my mouth or something.”
I roll my eyes. “Okay, then Daniel.”
“Nah, he’s kissing Nikki. If you’re wondering why no one has caught onto you and Logan, it’s because the coupling of Nikki and Danny Boy is going on. You’ll see tonight. It’s so obvious.”
“As obvious as you and Charlie?”
“Dude, shut it. Now put on your dress and finish getting all pretty so we can start drinking.”
Despite having a pineapple mimosa already while getting ready, I put on a simple black low-back maxi and the finishing touches on my makeup and some fresh plumeria flowers in my hair and then we’re off to the restaurant on this humid night.
Me, Nikki, and Kate spent the morning getting Ohana Lounge ready for the party, gold and black streamers all over the place, a silver countdown ball, plastic NYE hats, glasses and tiaras, plus the prerequisite noisemakers.
Our sound system still sucks and we’re going off a playlist, but that doesn’t matter because Dan is making his famous punch again, as well as a champagne based one, and the caterers have already set up their pupu platters everywhere.
We’re still some of the earliest people to arrive though. Johnny is over in the corner already inspecting the food.
And he’s wearing a fucking tuxedo.
“Oh my god, Johnny Cakes!” Kate squeals, hunching over and clapping her hands together. “Look at you!”
Johnny looks up from the tray of food and gives us a discerning look. “What? Can’t a brother dress up like James Bond every now and then?”
“Damn right he can,” I tell him. “Did you rent that or what?”
He smiles. “Nah, I had this for my brother’s wedding a few years ago. Luckily I’ve stayed fat this whole time so it still fits.”
“So how is the food?” I ask, nodding at it.
“Nowhere as good as our stuff. I told you we should have been the ones to make it.”
I pat him on the back. “Look, we’re allowed to have time off every now and then.”
He grumbles something and shoves some kind of miniature Spam roll in his mouth. “At least the Spam still tastes like Spam.”
Hawaiians and their Spam, I’ll never quite understand it.
“Aloha, ladies,” Dan says, coming over to us with two drinks in his hands. His hair is loose tonight, to his shoulders which is a change, and his Hawaiian shirt is more understated than usual, peach and grey tones. On his head is one of the plastic top hats. “Brought you some drinks.”
“Aye,” Johnny says while we take the drinks from Dan, “where’s my drink?”
“Let me guess, you wanted a martini, shaken not stirred.”
“Who the fuck stirs a martini?”
He follows Daniel back to th
It’s not long before the rest of the staff enters the room, followed by some of the guests. Everyone looks great, happy to be here and dressed up for the occasion. But I’m still waiting for Logan, briefly wondering if he’d come in a tuxedo too and if he did, what exactly would he look like and where the hell could we escape to for a quick screw because that shit would be like kryptonite to me.
And then he appears. Not in a tuxedo, but in black pants and a black dress shirt, a loose grey tie around his neck. I should have figured he wouldn’t be going for a suit. One of my first thoughts about the man was how uncomfortable he looked in one.
He sees me from across the room and our eyes lock in a wordless gaze. The corner of his mouth quirks up into a smile and he nods. I do the same, watching as he enters the restaurant and starts greeting the guests one by one, offering them his gorgeous smile.
I love watching him work like this. For all his broodiness and quiet mannerisms and, well, inclination to be grumpy, he’s actually really good at what he does. He cares about the guests here, more now than when I first started, and is personally invested in how they are doing. It’s no longer just to make money, to stay afloat. It’s because he actually is concerned and wants them to be happy.
And when they’re happy, he’s happy. So many nights I’ve stayed up with him at his house going over the budget and reports and the feedback from the guests, and he’s giving everything he has to not only keep the business alive but to keep it moving forward. He wants to take what he had with Juliet and he wants to improve upon it, bit by bit.
And he wants to improve upon it with me. Not in so many words, but he’s hinted at my career long-term here. Becoming partners in the place. In having it more than just my job.