Helen Grant's Schooldays by Amanda M. Douglas
CHAPTER XV
BETWIXT TWO
"And you knew it all the time!" Daisy Bell cried indignantly. She satcurled up on her bed, her soft, pretty hair let down about hershoulders, her arms folded across her chest as if she would shut out anypleading tone from her heart, if indeed it was her heart whose racingpulsation could decide for her, and keep or banish a guest.
"Not all the time," corrected Helen. "She told me a little of her story,told it briefly, I mean, and left me to infer the rest; explained _why_she wanted an education, and the almost accident of her coming here. Sheseemed so lonely at Christmas-tide when so many of you were away inhappy homes, having delightful times with plenty of love and joy andgood cheer. Well, I felt rather lonely as well."
"And then I came back to you with a heart full of love, and she hadcrept in. Why didn't you tell me----"
Daisy's voice trembled and she loosened one hand to wipe her eyes. Helenwas much moved.
"There really was nothing to tell. We had made no vows, exchanged nopromises, broken no rings," with a scornful little laugh. "I set herstraight on two or three points, I scolded her a little, yes, I justdid, and I wanted her to mix with, and be more like other girls. I don'tbelieve you, with joyous homes and brothers and sisters, can understandthe lonely life she has led."
"As _you_ can," with a touch of girlish sarcasm.
"Yes, as I can. I have a kindly uncle and aunt, who have cared for mesince father died, and a lot of cousins growing up into commonplace menand women. There are dozens of tender ties, but no real sympathy with mydesires. Aunt thought I knew quite enough, and so I would for somelives. The longing and desire for other things, better things, helps meto understand her. But it was only a week or ten days ago--somestrictures of the girls made her very unhappy----"
"She shouldn't have listened. The old adage is a good one," with ascornful laugh.
"She could not help it. I think some of the girls have not treated herkindly, they have even been rude. And it was mean to try to set her ageso much farther on, and to call her an old maid."
"She doesn't look young."
"She will have a guardian for almost two years longer. I suppose in lawyou have to give your exact age. Some of the people I love best are veryfar from young."
"I suppose you love a great many!" with an emphasis as bitter as hertender voice could make. She could put anger in it, but bitterness nevercould be part and parcel of it.
"I love a few. I am not very rich in friends. But I know I am capable ofloving a good many people for different qualities."
Helen stood up very straight. She was growing tall rapidly. There wasfirmness and character in every line of her face, and in her tone aswell.
"I don't care for the thousandth part of anyone's love. And you said youwould love me the best of anybody----"
"And so I did and do when you are not"--foolish, she was going to say,but she paused. "Oh, Daisy, can't you see it is the individuality, thequalities in a person that you love. And no two are alike. You are verydear and sweet. But I dare say _you_ loved girls last year when I wasnot here, and when I am gone you will love someone else. I don't ask youto love me best of all, for there are, no doubt, more charming girls andMiss Craven did not demand that of me. It was because she seemed so gladof a little crumb, and I knew no one loved her----"
Helen's voice had a break in it. She went on taking down her hair,putting away her necktie and handkerchief, then hung her skirt in thewardrobe. Would she ask Daisy to read with her? "Let not the sun go downupon your wrath." But she wasn't even angry, only indignant at whatlooked to her like injustice.
"Daisy," she began presently, "if someone told you a story, incidentsout of her life that you knew were given in a burst of confidence, underthe impression that you would not repeat it, should you feel duty boundto rehearse it to your friend. I did not promise, but I felt it was herbusiness. Mrs. Aldred knew it; Miss Grace, too, I dare say, but they didnot explain it to the school."
"It was nothing disgraceful. And the girls surmised--why, I think itwould have been better explained," and Daisy roused up a little.
"What right had any girl to surmise? It was admitted that Mrs. Aldredwould not have taken in anyone with dishonorable antecedents. And if myfather had been a criminal of any sort, could I have helped it? But Mrs.Aldred knew there was nothing except a neglected girlhood which she hasbeen trying in the kindliest manner to remedy. When a girl surmisedanything, she was willing to give color to what she did not know wastrue. It seems to me that is very near a falsehood."
Daisy had heard more sneers than Helen. Her face burned with a painedconsciousness. She really felt ashamed that she should have halfbelieved the positive untruths. Gossip and ill-nature without anyfoundation--how despicable it looked. How could they have been amusedover it?
"I don't see why she shouldn't have been willing to let us all know shewas so rich," Daisy said in a sort of extenuation for the girls.
"I think it was because she wanted to do her hardest work unnoticed, forone thing, and she doesn't seem at all proud of the money though it ishonorably obtained. She is very timid because she realizes her owndeficiencies. I can't help feeling things would have been better withher if that Mrs. Howard had been her guardian's wife. Think, she'snineteen years old and no one has ever given her a bit of love,until----"
The great clock in the hall rolled out ten in its ponderous tones.
"Oh, good gracious!" Daisy jumped lightly from her bed. Helen put outthe light and went on with her undressing. There could be no reading.She did not say a word, but knelt down presently.
It was hard to know just what was right and best. She had a feeling thatshe ought to go over to Daisy, since she had given the offense--it wasnot an offense on her part--but she could say, "I am sorry we quarreledwhen we meant to be such dear friends." She repeated "Our Father, whoart in heaven," and then she remembered the man who prayed for wisdom,and who chose wisdom.
Two soft arms were around her neck and a tear-wet cheek was pressedagainst hers.
"I've been a horrid, miserable, selfish little wretch! I do wonder ifyou can ever love me any more? But I want you too, even if you mustlove her some. I'm sorry----"
Helen kissed her a dozen times. "You little darling, I love you ahundred times better than before, if such a thing were possible. And I'mglad not to have any break. Run to bed, little midget, or we shall haveto confess to talking out of time."
Then they said good-night again, and so the first difference was madeup, but Daisy's jealous heart was not quite comforted.
There was a difference in the demeanor of most of the girls toward MissCraven, though few would have admitted the money had anything to do withit. Miss Bigelow simply repeated Mrs. Davis's remark, that the girlwould be very rich. No one could say that she was loud or presuming, orthat her retiring manner was an evidence of pride. She went her way asquietly as before. She acknowledged all the little politenesses in a shysort of way, but she was hard to get on with. She would only talk inmonosyllables, except to Helen Grant.
"She has the key to unlock her tongue," Miss Mays said. "Helen is thesort of girl who will always be looking for fresh fields and pasturesnew. I like her immensely, but I couldn't help feeling as if I was onlyone of the many to her."
Such little speeches with the utmost apparent good nature fell heavilyon Daisy Bell's heart.
There were many things to attend to beside school-girl differences,which were always happening among pupils. Easter was late, and thenevery day counted to those who expected promotion as well as thegraduates.
Still there were some splendid rambles over on the other side of theriver, some rowing parties, delightful lessons in out-of-door botany,and, oh, the plans for summer! There would be eight graduates among theboarders, seven from the day scholars. Miss Reid was going abroad for ayear at painting, Miss Downs to study music at Leipsic, Miss Bigelow toenter an art school in New York, three to go to college, one to bemarried. Most of the Senior B would step into the A div
Helen could have gone in the higher division at Easter. She had studiednot only with a will, but an eager interest in so many things that shewondered how girls could dawdle along. Still, if they had no aim, if itwas merely to get through these intervening years, looking forward topleasure, society, and marriage, perhaps it _might_ be sufficient. Herfuture was rather doubtful, even to herself. There were suggestionsabout the more weighty studies from Mrs. Van Dorn, as if Helen wouldhardly need them. But she did it because she liked them. She wanted togo to the foundation, to know on just what her structure stood, therewas nothing negative about her. One day Miss Grace said:
"Miss Grant, you would make a most excellent teacher. You are so directand so simple, you waste no time, and you evince so much interest in thebranches you like. I see your influence on two pupils, Miss Bell, who isa sweet, bright girl, but not in love with study, and mother and I feelreally indebted to you for your interest in Miss Craven. When she canonce venture out of her shell with the consciousness that she is not sodifferent from the others, the Rubicon will be passed. I do believe shewill do it. I am counting a good deal on next year."
"I am glad if I help ever so little," returned Helen with shining eyes,as a soft color transfused her fair face. "And since one and anotherhas been very good to me, I ought to pass the kindness on to someoneelse."
"'Freely ye have received, freely give.' I am glad that purpose hastaken root. There are so many things we can give that only cost us alittle trouble, and do more good than the bestowal of money. It is oneof the greatest lessons of life."
Miss Aldred smiled upon her pupil, and a warm glow sped through Helen'sframe.
"Then I have my mind quite set upon teaching some day. Perhaps I takethat from my father, who was a teacher. I saw so little of him, but thisyear I've wondered a good deal what he really was like, and if we shouldnot have been splendid friends on these lines. I believe he wasdisappointed about my not being a boy, and it's funny"--with a brightmerry laugh. "I've never wanted to be a boy at all. I think girls arenicer."
"The loveliest being to me is a fine, broad, sweet-minded, culturedwoman, and I am very glad she is beginning to be thought of as the idealwoman. You have many years before you reach real womanhood, which comeslater and is richer than it was twenty years ago. But you are takingsome excellent steps along the way."
"Oh, thank you for the praise," said Helen pressing her hand.
If the steps were not in Latin and French she could go bounding along,she thought. In that respect she did not inherit her father's facilitynor his love for the abstruse and difficult.
"I suppose I am superficial," she said to herself ruefully. "But whyshouldn't one delight in the things one loves best?"
That was one charm about Miss Craven to her. She reveled in poetry. Theother girls were full of nonsense chatter in the spare half hours, butthey two often slipped away under some tree and read and discussed.There was a fund of romance in each one, though temperament andsurroundings had been so different, the one so afraid to express herinmost thought, the other so fearless, not even minding being laughedat.
Every day seemed more crowded with all things.
"I'm glad I don't have to think about a graduation gown, or any gown,"laughed Helen. "My clothes come ready-made, and all I have to do is toput them on."
"But wouldn't you like to choose sometimes?" asked one of the girls. "Ishall choose my graduation gown and my wedding gown."
"Oh, no you won't. Graduation gowns have to be pretty much alike, andwedding gowns must be in the prevailing fashion. In fact, I think thereis very little you _do_ choose in this life. There's someone just infront always who lays down the law, and though you may think you willget your own way you find oftener it is the way of someone else."
"If I had my way I wouldn't come back to school."
"If I had my way I would come back to school ten years," exclaimedHelen.
"You are enough to tire anyone to death with your everlasting studyplans. Thank heaven for vacation, say I."
There were some plans, indeed a great deal of planning about that. Eachgirl had a different desire.
Helen had written her monthly letter regularly. Sometimes she had nicechatty replies from Mrs. Van Dorn; at others, Miss Gage had written.They had been spending a month at Paris, now they were going to London,and then to some country houses. And early in June came a letterdisposing of Helen's summer. She would return to Hope and spend the timebetween Mrs. Dayton and her uncle. "We do not know what may happenanother year," she wrote; "and you are too young to be going aboutanywhere else."
Of course that was what she had expected to do, would be glad to do. Shedid want to see all her old friends again. Uncle Jason's letters hadbeen rather queer and formal, Jenny had written twice all about herselfand Joe.
Daisy came in bright and smiling. She, too, had a letter.
"I've been telling mamma such lots about you, and I asked her to let meinvite you to spend a fortnight with me, and here it is. Just listen."
A very delightful invitation to be sure. Helen's heart beat high for amoment.
"Well--are you struck speechless?" a gay light dancing in her eyes.
"You are very good, just lovely, but I do not know as I can accept, I amto go home----"
"Only two weeks out of nine! Surely you can spare that!"
Helen considered. "I will consult Mrs. Aldred before I decide," withgentle gravity.
"I really do not see what she has to do with it. Your aunt and unclewould be the ones to decide. Don't you want to do it--to see what sortof a home I have? It would be just a splendid time. Mamma is half inlove with you. I am almost jealous again."
"Oh, I can't think of anything more delightful," Helen cried eagerly,and Daisy did not need to doubt the pleasure illumining her face. "ButMrs. Van Dorn has planned----"
"Oh, write to her and tell her how much you want to come," beseechingly.
"There would hardly be time."
"It would be nicer to take you home with me, but you could comeafterward."
"Why yes. However, I will see what Mrs. Aldred thinks."
"Oh, go at once. I want to write back," exclaimed Daisy impatiently.
Mrs. Aldred looked up from the pile of reports on her table, and said ina pleasantly inquiring tone, "Well?" then listened, but there was a tintof perplexity in her face.
"I had a note from Mrs. Van Dorn by the last steamer also. She seemsvery well satisfied with your progress, only she is rather exigentabout the French, and I wish you would do all you can at it duringvacation. But she is very explicit about the summer. I think she prefersthat you should spend it in Hope."
She had been rather more than explicit, and said she did not approve ofsuch young girls visiting about. Mr. Castles would send a trusty personfor Helen and see her safely on the train for Hope.
"Do you not think I might write to her about it for a visit later on?"
"Yes, you could. But Mrs. Van Dorn is certain of her own wishes in anymatter, and generally has good reasons. I do not imagine a visit likethis would do you any harm, but you are young, and I _do_ suppose youowe your own people some respect. I think I should accept the fiat."
Helen felt bitterly disappointed. She did not dream her girlishenthusiasm about Daisy Bell had been one of the factors in this command,as it really was, that Mrs. Van Dorn did not want any girl to gain astrong influence over Helen, but she need not have felt suspicious, asthe influence was all the other way.
It had come like a sudden vision, and now it was quenched in bitterregret, with the unappeased want back of it.
"I do object to indiscriminate visiting for such young girls. If Mrs.Van Dorn were here and could see just the kind of girl Miss Daisy is, itwould be different, but I suppose, if she thought at all, it was aboutthe generality of girls, who sometimes are quite lawless in their ownhomes. Since you have accepted her direction for the next two years, itis best to do it cheerfully," advised Mrs. Aldred.
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Then Daisy and she had an unpleasant disagreement about it, and Helenfelt sorrier than ever.
Juliet Craven's happening was a comforting one for her. Mrs. Davis hadgone abroad with a clear conscience. Her friend, Mrs. Howard, was tolook after the ward who was neither woman or child.
Then came the rush of examinations, the excitement to know who hadpassed, and what the marks were, and the graduation exercises whichbegan at three in the afternoon and were to end with a lawn party in themoonlight.
Some of the pupils were secretly mortified at not attaining a higherrate, a few really did not care, and they were not sufficiently abovethe ordinary to make a mark anywhere. Some others were a credit to thetraining and culture of Aldred House, and went their way with a gratefulremembrance of their teacher friend and her admirable daughter.
Helen had a part in the singing, there was some excellent playing,recitations, and essays. The house was crowded, it was one of the summerevents at Westchester. There were congratulations and good wishes, andan evening of unbounded delight, as many of the young people wereinvited, and for this evening the youthful masculines, among them anumber of law students, were welcomed.
Was it only a year ago Helen Grant had recited Herve Riel in the oldschoolhouse at Hope Center? Oh, how many things had happened since then.Why, it was like a fairy story. She could hardly believe it herself.
She recited it again out on a corner of the lawn, and before she washalf through her audience had doubled, and listened with flatteringattention. The young son of Mr. Danforth, just home from college, wasstanding near.
"That's enough to inspire one," he said. "I shall take one line backwith me and recall the very ring of your voice:
"Sirs, believe me, there's a way.'"
Helen flushed with pleasure. She had not given up her old hero, thoughthere had been new candidates for her favor.
Then followed the partings the next morning. Some would be for lifeperhaps. Every graduate counted on coming back to Aldred House some day,but there were many chances and changes and more than one was never tosee it again, only hold its happy times in remembrance.
"I am glad we are to keep together next year," exclaimed Daisy Bell."And I _do_ think I shall be a better student. The year following weshall graduate together. And all the rest of our lives I hope we shallbe friends, even if we do have tiffs now and then."
Juliet Craven asked rather timidly if she might write to Helen.
"Oh, I should be disappointed if you did not. I count on it as one of mypleasures," Helen returned warmly. There were other promises, severalof them not kept. And by twos and threes the group dwindled until atdinner all the remainder were invited to the table of state as guests.
The next morning a thin, rather somber-looking man came with a note fromMr. Castles. Helen's eyes were swimming in tears as she said good-by toMrs. Aldred and Miss Grace.
It was an uneventful journey until they reached New York. They stoppedat Mr. Castles' office, and he questioned Helen about her past year,took her out to lunch, and then put her aboard her own train withseveral papers and a magazine, and wished her a pleasant journey.
And pleasant it was, though she had a seat to herself. She could notread, hardly look at the tempting array of pictures, there were so manythoughts crowding in and through her mind. She had been very happy.Schooldays were delightful. She wanted years and years of them.
Some ten miles before they reached Hope the passengers had to leave themain line. She made her change without any difficulty, and saw that hertrunk was safely bestowed. Then on and on past farms and a fewstraggling villages, when the train began to slow up and the conductorcalled out--"North Hope."
Half bewildered, as if it were a strange place, she felt the conductortake her arm. Then someone else grasped it, a rather tall figure with afamiliar face, and a delighted voice at his side exclaimed:
"Why, Helen Grant! You have grown almost out of recollection!"
"Oh, Mrs. Dayton! Oh, Mr. Warfield!"
That was all she could say at first. Mr. Warfield looked after hertrunk; Mrs. Dayton surveyed her from head to foot.
"You'll have to go in long dresses," she began in an amused tone.
"Oh, I don't want to grow up, Mrs. Dayton. I don't want to be a younglady. Girls have such a good time, and in my heart and all over me I amjust a girl," she exclaimed vehemently.
"I am glad of that, too. Joanna wondered if you had forgotten how to dryglass and china, and would be clear spoiled at boarding school. Youhaven't changed a bit in looks, and your face isn't a day older, but youare almost as tall as I. Just now I haven't but two or three boarders,and I want all of you that I can have for the pure pleasure of thething."
Mr. Warfield soon joined them. Here was the library in which she hadtaken such pleasure, the street with the stores, the window in which shehad seen her Madonna, and now she knew so much about the old ones andtheir painters. A turn in this quiet street and here they were. Shewould not have been startled to see Mrs. Van Dorn on the porch. Therewere an old lady and an old gentleman, both silver-haired and placid,she in an almost quakerish garb, but looking very sweet.
"You are tired and dusty, I know, and want a bit of freshening up. Mr.Warfield is going to stay to dinner, and then you can have your talk.His school just closed yesterday, and he goes away to-morrow. We havealmost quarreled about you; he hates girls' boarding schools and wassure you would come back a niminy, priminy Miss with high heels andtrains and all that," laughing gayly.
"He doesn't know anything about Aldred House," Helen replied, amused.
"Here, you are to have a room to yourself, though I expect to-morrowUncle Jason will whisk you off. That old couple downstairs, Mr. andMrs. White, have Mrs. Van Dorn's room. And she's careering around Europelike any young thing! She does surprise me. Now when you are ready comedown, for we are just dying to inspect you and see how much you havechanged."
Helen recalled the fact that a year ago she thought this the mostbeautiful place imaginable. There was the tall, slim rowan-tree, full ofgreen berries that would hang out beads of red flame in the autumn, thetamarack with its sprays of delicate leaves, the big, burly, blackwalnut on the corner, the wild clematis and Virginia creeper, the primflower-beds.
"There will be plenty of time to look at them through the summer," shethought, so she bathed her face, brushed her hair, shook out the pretty_plisse_ shirtwaist she had in her satchel, tied a blue ribbon round herneck and looked as fresh as a just opened flower.