His Hour by Elinor Glyn
CHAPTER XXI
The night of the bear-hunters' return there was to be a small dinner atthe Ardacheff house. The Princess had arranged that there should be aparty of six; so that while the four played bridge the fiances mighttalk to one another. She was growing almost nervous, and indeed it hadrequired all Stephen Strong's assurance that things eventually wouldcome right to prevent her from being actually unhappy.
"Let 'em alone!" the old man said. "Take no notice! you won't regretit."
Tamara had only got up from her bed that afternoon and was very paleand feeble. She wore a white clinging dress and seemed a mere slip of agirl. The great string of beautiful pearls, Gritzko's latest gift,which had arrived that morning, was round her neck, and her sweet eyesglanced up sadly from the blue shadows which encircled them.
Gritzko was already there when the Princess and Tamara reached thefirst salon, and his eyes swam with passionate concern when he saw howTamara had been suffering. He could not restrain the feeling in hisvoice as he exclaimed:
"You have been ill!--my sweet lady! Oh! Tantine, why did you not sendfor me? How could you let her suffer?"
And a sudden wave of happiness came over Tamara when he kissed herhand. She was so weak the least thing could have made her cry.
But her happiness was short-lived, for Gritzko--afraid yet of showingwhat was in his heart--seemed now colder than ever; though he wasexulting within himself at the thought that the moment would come soonwhen all this pretence should end.
Tamara, knowing nothing of these things, felt a new sinking depression.In five days she would be his wife, and then when he had paid thehonorable price--how would he treat her?--
He was looking wildly attractive tonight, his voice had a thousandtones in it when he addressed the others, he was merry and witty andgay--and almost made love to the Princess--only to his fiancee did heseem reserved.
The food appeared impossible to swallow. She almost felt at last asthough she were going to faint. The hopeless anguish of the situationweighed upon her more than ever; for alas! she felt she loved him nowbeyond any pride, every barrier was broken down. She had no more angeror resentment for the night at the hut. All his many sins were forgiven.
Dinner was an impossible penance, and with a feverish excitement shewaited for the time when they should be alone.
It seemed an eternity before coffee was finished and the four retiredto their bridge. Then the two passed out of the room and on into theblue salon.
It was extremely difficult for both of them. The Prince could scarcelycontrol his mad longing to caress her. Only that strange turn in hischaracter held him. Also the knowledge that once he were to granthimself an inch he could never restrain the whole of his wild passion,and there were yet five days before she should be really his--.
Tamara looked a white, frozen shape as she almost fell into the sofabelow the Falconet group. Cupid with his laughing eyes peeped down andmocked her. Gritzko did not sit beside her. He took a chair and leanton a table near.
"We had good sport," he said dryly. "Your friend can hit things. We gottwo bears."
"Jack must have been pleased," Tamara answered dully.
"And your family--they arrive on Monday, isn't it?" he asked. "Yourbrother and sister and the estimable Mrs. Hardcastle?" and he laughedas he always did at the mention of Millicent. "They will wonder, won'tthey, why you are marrying this savage! but they will not know."
"No!" said Tamara. "They must never know." Gritzko's face becamewhimsical, a disconcerting, mischievous provoking smile stole into hiseyes.
"Do you know yourself?" he asked.
She looked up at him startled. It was her habit now never to meet hiseyes. Indeed, the sense of humiliation under which she lived hadchanged all her fearless carriage of head.
"Why do you ask such questions? I might as well ask you why are youmarrying me. We both know that we cannot help it," and there was abreak in her voice which touched him profoundly.
"Answer for yourself please, I may have several other reasons," he saidcoldly, and got up and walked across the room picking up a bibelot hereand there, and replacing it restlessly.
Tamara longed to ask him what these reasons were. She was stirred witha faint hope, but she had not the courage, the intensity of her feelingmade her dumb.
"They--Tantine--or Sonia--have explained to you all the service, Isuppose," he said at last. "It is different to yours in your country.It means much more--"
"And is more easily broken."
"That is so, but we shall not break ours, except by death," and heraised his head proudly. "From Wednesday onward the rest of your lifebelongs to me."
Tamara shivered. If she could only overcome this numbness which hadreturned--if she could only let her frozen heart speak; this was surelythe moment, but she could not, she remained silent and white andlifeless.
He came over to the sofa.
"Tamara," he said, and his voice vibrated with suppressed passion."Will you tell me the truth? Do you hate me,--or what do you feel forme?"
She thought he meant only to torture her further; she would not answerthe question.
"Is it not enough that you have conquered me by force? Why should youcare to know what my feelings are? As you say, after Wednesday I shallbelong to you--You can strangle me at Milaslav if you wish. My bodywill be yours, but my soul you shall never soil or touch, you have nopart or lot in that matter, Prince."
His eyes filled with pain.
"I will even have your soul," he said. Then, as though restrainingfurther emotion, he went on coldly. "I have arranged that after thewedding we go to my house, and do not start for the South untilSaturday. There are some things I wish to show you there. Will that beas you wish?"
"I have no wishes, it is as you please," Tamara answered monotonously.
He gave an impatient shrug, and walked up and down the room, his willkept its mastery, but it was a tremendous strain. Her words had stunghim, her intense quiet and absence of emotion had produced a faintdoubt. What if after all he should never be able to make her love him.For the first time in his life a hand of ice clutched his heart. Heknew in those moments of agony that she meant the whole world to him.
He glanced at her slender graceful figure so listlessly leaning againstthe blue cushions, at her pale ethereal face, and then he turnedabruptly away toward the door to the other salon.
"Come," he said, "it is of no avail to talk further, we will saygoodnight." Tamara rose. The way to her room led from the opposite side.
"Goodnight then," she said, "make my adieu to Sonia and the rest. Ishall go to bed," and she walked that way. The whole floor was betweenthem, as she looked back. He stood rigid by the other door.
Then with great strides he was beside her, and had taken her in hisarms.
"Ah! God!" he said, as he fiercely kissed her, and then almost flungher from him, and strode from the room.
And Tamara went on to her own, trembling with excitement.
This was passion truly, but what if some love lurked underneath?--andwhen she reached her great white bed she fell upon her knees, andburying her face in her hands she prayed to God.
* * * * *
Now of what use to write of the days that followed--the stiffrestrained days--or of the arrival of Tom Underdown and his sister, andMillicent Hardcastle--or of the splendid Russian ceremonies in thechurch or the quieter ones at the Embassy. All that it concerns us toknow is that Gritzko and Tamara were at last alone on this theirwedding night. Alone with all their future before them. Both theirfaces had been grave and solemn through all the vows and prayers, butafterward his had shone with a wild triumph. And as they had driven tohis house on the Fontonka he had held Tamara's hand but had not spoken.
It was a strange eventful moment when he led her up the great stairsbetween the rows of bowing servants--up into the salons all decoratedwith flowers. Then, still never speaking, he opened the ballroom doors,and when they had walked its great length and came to the rooms beyon
"These you must have done by that man in Paris--or how you please," asthough the matter were aloof, and did not interest him. And theninstead of turning into his own sitting-room, he opened a door on theright, which Tamara did not know, and they entered what had been hismother's bedroom. It was warmed and lit, but it wore that strange airof gloom and melancholy which untenanted rooms, consecrated to thememory of the dead, always have, in spite of blue satin and brightgilding.
"Tamara," he said, and he took her hand, "these were my mother's rooms.I loved her very much, and I always thought I would never let anywoman--even my wife--enter them. I have left them just as she used themlast. But now I know that is not what she would have wished."
His deep voice trembled a little with a note of feeling in it which wasnew, and which touched Tamara's innermost being.
"I want you to see them now with me, and then while we are in the Southall these things shall be taken away, and they shall be left bare andwhite for you to arrange them when we come back, just as you wouldlike. I want my mother's blessing to rest on us--which it will do--"
Then he paused, and there was a wonderful silence, and when he went on,his tones were full of a great tenderness.
"Little one, in these rooms, some day I will make you happy."
Tamara trembled so she could hardly stand, the reaction from her miserywas so immense. She swayed a little and put out her hand to steadyherself by the back of a chair. He thought she was going to fall,seeing her so white, and he put his arm round her as he led her throughthe room and into the sitting-room, and then beyond again to a littlesanctuary. Here a lamp swung before the Ikon, and the colors weresubdued and rich, while the virgin's soft eyes looked down upon them.There were fresh lilies, too, in a vase below, and their scent perfumedthe air. He knelt for a second and whispered a prayer, then he rose,and they looked into each other's eyes--and their souls met--and allshadows rolled away.
"Tamara!" he said, and he held out his arms--and with a littleinarticulate cry almost of pain Tamara fell into them--and he foldedher to his heart--while he bent and kissed her hair.
Then he held her from him and looked deep into her eyes.
"Sweetheart--am I forgiven?" he asked, and when she could speak sheanswered:
"Yes--you are forgiven."
Then he questioned again.
"Tamara, do you love me?"
But he saw the answer in her sweet face, and did not wait for her tospeak, but kissed her mouth.
Then he lifted her in his arms like a baby and carried her back throughthe ghostly rooms to his warm human sitting-room, and there he laid hertenderly down upon the couch and knelt beside her.
"Oh, my heart," he said. "What this time has been--since you promisedto marry me!--but I would not change it--I wanted you to love me beyondeverything--beyond anger with me, beyond--fear--beyond your pride. Nowtell me you do. My sweet one. Moia Doushka. I must know. I _must_ know.You mean my life--tell me?"
And passion overcame Tamara, and she answered him in a low voice ofvibrating emotion.
"Gritzko! do you think I care for what you have done or will do! Youknow very well I have always loved you!" And she put up her mouth forhim to kiss her. Then he went quite mad for a few moments with joy--hecaressed her as even on the dawn-drive she had never dreamed, andpresently he said with deep earnestness.
"Darling, we must live for one another--in the world of course forduty; but our real life shall be alone at Milaslav for only you and me.You must teach me to be calm and to banish impossible thoughts. Youmust make yourself my center--Tamara, you must forget all your formerlife, and give yourself to me, sweetheart. My country must be yourcountry, my body your body, and my soul your soul. I love you betterthan heaven or earth--and you are mine now till death do us part."
Then the glory of paradise seemed to descend upon Tamara, as he bentand kissed her lips.
Oh! what did anything else matter in the world since after all he lovedher! This beautiful fierce lover!
Visions of enchantment presented themselves--a complete intoxication ofjoy.
He held her in his arms, and all the strange passion and mystic depthswhich had fascinated her always, now dwelt in his eyes, onlyintensified by delirious love.
"Do you remember, Sweetheart, how you defied and resisted me? Darling!Heart of mine! but I have conquered you and taken you, in spite of all!You cannot struggle any more, you are my own. Only you must tell methat you give me, too, your soul. Ah! you said once I should have nopart or lot in that matter. Tamara, tell me that I have it?"
And Tamara thrilled with ecstasy as she whispered, "Yes, you have it."
She cared not at all about pride--she did not wish to struggle, sheadored being conquered. Her entire being was merged in his.
He held her from him for a second and the old whimsical smile full oftender mischief stole into his eyes.
"That night at the hut--when you dropped the pistol when--well, don'tyou want to know what really did happen?" he said.
She buried her face in his scarlet coat.
"Oh, no, no, no!" she cried. "It is all forgotten and forgiven."
Then with wild passion he clasped her to his breast.
"Oh! Love!" he said. "My sweet Princess; the gods are very kind to us,for all happiness is yet to come--! I did but kiss your little feet."