Holding On To Heaven by Melyssa Winchester
Chapter Thirty-Six
Serenity
There's this small flicker in time when you're looking down the barrel of a gun and instead of your life flashing before your eyes, it’s all the moments you missed out on. The things you didn't experience, but secretly wish you had. The boy you liked but didn't ask out, the girl you wanted to be friends with but were too shy to speak to, a vacation to a faraway locale that you never had the nerve to get on the plane for. They all flash by in sequence and once over, it leaves you feeling emptier then when it began because the reality is, you'll never get the chance to go back.
That's how I felt as Ryan led me into the chapel. The place where we stood not two hours before and pledged to love one another until death parted us, which with my timetable would be in the next couple of hours unless a miracle happened. As dark as the ceremony was, I want to remember this place for the feeling that I had when I looked into Ryan's eyes when I said I do. Not for what he’s about to do to me.
Ever since he told me it was time, he held my hand and didn’t let go. The nervousness and fear we were both experiencing is evident with the sweat pooled between our tightly entwined fingers. He led me along slowly, wanting more time just like I did. He told me we needed to prepare ourselves to say goodbye, but I just can't do it. Considering he has yet to mouth the words means he doesn't want to either. I held onto that, the realization that we’re both experiencing the same thing as he led me even closer to my end. It’s the only thing that keeps me going.
Lucifer is standing where Marishka had been earlier, the smile on his face covering his otherwise well put together features. I expected meeting him I would find him to be as dark as he is often portrayed in writings and movies. Cold, both inside and out and a person that very rarely smiles. He actually smiles a lot more than most humans do, though that might be because he’s getting his way.
Who wouldn’t smile when they are winning?
“Please say something Serenity. I know you said you wouldn't say goodbye to me, but with what's about to happen, I can't stand not hearing your voice.”
“Now would be a good time for a miracle.” I said, the only words I could manage as we finally reached our destination.
Laid out before us now, instead of the pulpit, is a bed or at least the bare makings of one. A mattress, complete with black sheet is laid out before us, candles surrounding it. What looks to be two super-sized goblets are off to the left. I knew what it meant, but I was unwilling to let my mind accept it.
When Ryan told me about taking my life force, I always imagined that it would be like air releasing from a balloon that was never tied shut. I just thought he would somehow reach inside me and pull the force out as if it is some object buried inside, but I know better.
He is going to exsanguinate my body until there is little to no blood left to contain what resides inside me. In doing so he would release me of my heavenly destiny, taking the very best parts of me with it, leaving a shell behind.
The athame laid across the bare sheet, its dark wooden handle standing out from the rest of the decor, almost calling to me to acknowledge its presence. There would be only one use for it now and the realization made the bile rise in my throat. Looking up at Ryan, searching his face though not exactly sure what I’m searching for, I squeeze my hand in his which he quickly answered back with one of his own.
“Traditionally when such an event takes place, there is a more ceremonial feel to it, but in this particular instance, I have chosen to do away with tradition and just get down to business. So Ryan, if you would, place your bride on the bed in the most desirable position for her.”
If that’s his way of telling Ryan to lay me down so that I’m comfortable, well there’s no position in creation that would make me feel comfort now. He’s shit out of luck.
“Do you trust me?” he asks, speaking directly to my soul so that no one else could hear.
“Yes of course.”
“Then please do as he instructs.”
Leading me up the stairs to where the mattress waits, he stops, levelling me with a determined stare before lifting me up into his arms and bringing me slowly and carefully down on the bed.
“I always thought that when this happened for the first time, there wouldn't be an audience.”
He smirked as he smoothed me out to the point where I could almost forget what was happening around us. I felt comfortable in his arms, safe even and I didn't want it to end. Even with the King of Hell only steps away watching.
“Trust me. If this was going to lead to where your mind imagines, there most definitely would not be an audience. For a very long time.”
Gasping at his words, he smiles again, pleased at the reaction I awarded him. Even with death on the horizon, nothing could tame the magnetism between us. The desire was there, right from the start and even now cannot be denied.
“How touching it is when the two of you, even as you face your end can still smile at each other.” Lucifer remarked, bringing the both of us out of our moment and back to the reality now laid out before us.
“I thought I would find a way out of this before it got this far but I can't. So you must trust me implicitly from this moment on, never letting it waiver. Can you do that?”
“Yes, but what exactly are you going to have to do?”
Before he can answer me, Lucifer interrupts which does nothing for my fraying nerves. If Ryan could just tell me what to expect then when it happened, maybe I might be able to fight my way through it.
“Pick up the blade Ryan and do as you are instructed.”
As if guided by a hand other than his own, Ryan did as he was told, sliding his way back from where he laid me and picking up the blade in his hands, his fingers slowly moving up and down the dull end as if preparing himself for what comes next.
“I'm going to make two incisions on your body, one on each wrist, which is what the derrynaflan chalices are for. I’m supposed to collect your blood in them.”
It all makes sense as he walks me through what he’s about to do. The chalices are there to catch my blood. I can only imagine that Lucifer would then drink it, taking all my power with him before moving on to the final step.
My body shuddered as the impact of his words set in.
Ryan's eyes grew dark and I knew the demon side of him is about to take over. Soon all traces of the man I agreed to save doing this will be gone and I would be left with the shell of the creature that lives inside him.
Knowing that this might very well be the final minutes of my life and wanting to say everything before I’m lost to him forever, I speak. Praying that by the time I finish he would still be there and hear every word. I wasn't quite ready for how his demon side would react to me.
I doubt any wife ever is.
“Ryan, I know you don't want to do this and that you want something better for me, but just know that if I had to do it over, I would make the same choice. Doing this brought me even closer to you. I love you. Please don’t let him win and break over this. I know where I'm going from here and I'm okay with it.”
“If this works the way I intend sweet angel, you will not be going anywhere. I will not drain you completely. I would never do that. I will leave you with just enough blood so that you can begin to heal. I cannot offer much time to do so, but I'm hoping to buy enough so you can make it out of here safely and alive. Please trust and believe in that. I will not let you die, not while there is still breath in my lungs.”
His words calm me, focus my mind on a possible change in the plan, giving me hope that I might be able to make it out.
I trust him and would do as he said, no matter what the end result is. I would go to my death knowing I made the right choice, because in the end, I redeemed him.
What he’s about to do for me only strengthens that. I only hope Heaven becomes aware of it in time to save him. If they did then this wouldn’t be for naught. My death would mean something.
I feel the sharp
As the athame pierced through my skin a second time the pain was unbearable. The deeper he slid the knife in and across, the more I screamed and wriggled my body in absolute agony. The crystal colouring of his eyes broke through again as I screamed and the pained look that came over his face matched my own. He’s hurting just as much as I am.
“We are almost there, Serenity. I will place the second chalice and move back from you now. It will appear as if I am gone, but I'm not. I will heal the wound as soon as it looks as though you've been drained. Please do not fight the urge to pass out. It will be the very thing that keeps you from dying.”
True to his word he backed away from me and out of the corner of my eye I could see him, just on the precipice, doing exactly as promised, standing near enough to stop the flow when it got to be too much. The pain subsided and my body is now numb, the pressure on my eyelids becoming heavier with each passing second.
“I love you Ryan.” I say one last time before finally succumbing to the darkness that threatened to take me under. The last thing I see as my eyes shut is Ryan moving with the blade, not closer to me as I expect, but farther away, to something I couldn't make out.
As I blink one final time, I see Lucifer looking down on me, a smile of triumph on his face. Before I can react, the world around me finally goes dark.
Ryan
I’m not sure how much Serenity is still aware of, but as I wipe the blade with the end of the blanket, using my power, I close her wound just enough to stop the consistent flow, just as I promised her I would before stepping back and bringing the chalices one by one to the small altar Lucifer resurrected.
I know what’s coming next. I had to drink of the chalices, letting the blood make its way into my body, mixing with my own, giving me an infinite amount of power, but not before he made me watch her final moments.
“She is just like a fairy-tale, Ryan. Beautiful at rest in the same way the princess was. It is a shame that rest will soon turn to death for her. I would have liked seeing how she would adapt to being a demon.”
“Are you telling me that you not only want her power, but you also want to damn her to a life such as ours?”
Looking up at me he laughs. “Surely you do not believe the last twenty-one years of your existence to be complete damnation. I remember you enjoying yourself on more than one occasion as you possessed someone.”
He’s right. There had been a time in my life where possessing someone had been the ultimate thrill. It’s not an image I like remembering now, least of all fondly the way he described.
“You're right but she deserves better than that. Better than us.”
“Will wonders never cease! The demon does have a soul after all.”
“What is it you told me not so long ago, Father? That you would enjoy my reaction to her death because you knew I love her? Well, could it be that I don't have a soul the way you assume and I am just a human in love?”
“The time for petty conversation has passed, Ryan. Take the first chalice and drink, making sure to not leave behind even one drop. Every bit of her blood will have to be ingested in order for this to work.”
As he barks orders, the demon inside me complies and I do as he requested, moving quickly to where I'd let them rest, taking the first one in my hands and bringing it to my lips.
Taking a small sip, feeling it make its way slowly down my throat, I feel the hunger in me rise and I lift the chalice even higher in the air, taking more with each gulp, acquiring a taste for the sweet substance that would soon override my own powers.
“It is exquisite isn't it, my son? The blood of an angel such as her. Such a shame you won't be around to benefit from its effects.”
He’s taunting me, knowing full well I am under no control of my own. I had to comply, but couldn't deny what he said is the truth. I have drank blood before, another thing I wasn't proud of but nothing has ever tasted as sweet as Serenity's blood as it begins running through my veins. It is definitely a delicacy that I am becoming addicted to feasting on.
“Now drink of the second chalice and make it quick. Time is running out.”
Following his orders again, this time moving faster than before, I bring the blood to my lips, fully prepared to again drain it dry. Except this time he had given me the loophole I’d been hoping for. This time he hadn't been as specific which means I don't have to drain it.
Drinking just long enough for it to appear as though the chalice is empty, I place it back on the altar, sliding the athame from the table as quickly as I can, sliding it into my pocket before Lucifer could tell anything is amiss.
“Do you see the colour draining from her skin, Ryan? With each passing second she turns colder. It won't be long now before her body goes into rigor and her skin, her perfectly peach coloured skin turns to grey. How the thought of that must make you feel.”
As I made my way around him, turning my eyes away from the sight he wants me to witness, praying I stopped her blood flow in time, I pull the athame from my pocket. In one sharp and quick movement I slam it into his body, causing him to stumble, but only for a second as he turns his widened eyes on me.
“You stupid, foolish boy.” he chokes out, before gripping the handle of the weapon and slowly pulling it back out of his body, tossing it to the floor. “Did you think I would not see that coming and prepare myself against it?”
The stagger now gone, he lifts himself back up straight, the look of hatred so hot that it turned his black eyes the very colour of the blood from the chalice. He moved toward me, his hand outstretched and before I knew it, began yelling in Latin.
“Da da per cultellum Ryan!”
Bending down to where it fell and unable to stop myself, I lift the athame from the floor and pass it over to him. When his hand grasped it, yanking it from me, I saw my life, or what is left of it, flash before my eyes.
He plunged the weapon into my chest, using his strength to push it all the way through me, blood immediately pouring down the front of my shirt as it escaped from the now wide hole he created. Looking down, seeing it, the colour staining my shirt, I realize that Serenity would never get to see the one thing her faith had afforded me.
She would never see me redeemed.
Falling to my knees, my hands with a mind of their own clutching at the spot where the knife still lingers, it came to me. This is my ending. Knowing I had to die to ensure that she lived made the pain I was feeling lessen. She would carry on where I could not. She would live in the light and that would be my redemption.
As I pull the knife from my chest, my body crumples to the floor and before everything goes black, I see the most beautiful ray of light.
Serenity's.
Gabriel
In the last two months I have gone against not only my father’s orders, but that of Heaven itself more times than ever before. It has all been for the light known as Serenity. While there are instances I would never repeat should I ever have the chance to redo them, for the most part I would always do what I have done as it pertains to her. Not because of my feelings, but because apart from all of that she is special.
One of a kind.
After securing my brothers cooperation, each of us agreeing to use our powers to block out our father as much as possible, we began to plan what we would do upon our entry into Lucifer's grand design. I filled everyone in on where he was located, what the master plan will be and just what we would be walking into. We were all aware of the risks, but this is something none of us could back away from.
It was time to come face to face with Lucifer.
We spent centuries of time away from him, only interacting with the lower demons he employs. Each of us has a great deal of love for our bro
What he is doing to Serenity; that is not the Lucifer we know and love. No, this is what became of him when he thought his entire family to have turned on him. If we could just tap into maybe we could save him as well as Ryan and Serenity from the fate that beheld them.
Which led us to where we stand now.
All four brothers, standing side by side, blades at the ready, preparing ourselves for whatever possible scenario we might walk into the minute we go through the chapel doors.
I can only hope that we are not too late. Lucifer had taken precautions against us, as there were markings placed all around the church set to disallow entrance, but it wasn't enough to stop us. Uriel, being an expert at getting into places that entities of our sort are normally forbidden from, dropped the magic easily and once he did, we executed our plan.
Michael and Raphael began to make quick work of the demons guarding the door, using their blades fast and efficiently, obliterating his army so that no trace was left behind. Once done, they turned to me, and motioned for me to move forward.
I am at the center of the plan. Without me and what I am about to do, we might not make it out of here alive. I have to make sure that no matter how horrible the situation is for her when I enter, I stay on task. There is only one chance at this, which means no room for mistakes.
I am the one that has to get Lucifer's attention. Distract him long enough for Uriel to wipe the brand from Serenity so that we can get her and the demon away from Lucifer and certain death.
Standing outside the chapel doors, I mentally prepare myself for what happens next.
“Does it strike anyone as poetic that Lucifer chose a church to do this in? I always knew there were parts of him the darkness would not change and it appears I was right.” Michael stated as he situates himself in seclusion as I place my hand on the handles of the large wooden door.
“He always did have a flare for the dramatic. This is no different then what he did in Heaven.” Uriel responded, his face frozen in determination.
“Are you all in position?” I whisper, scanning around me and taking in all three brothers, locked into their spots, their faces blank slates.
“Let the party begin.” Raphael muttered quietly from his corner behind the right side door.
Pulling back the door with my hand, wide enough for me and the girth of my now glowing wings to make it all the way inside. The deeper I enter into the room the more I took in the devastation around me.
Lucifer is bending over Serenity, whose still body lays unmoving above a dark covered mattress, stains of blood visible on her pale arms. I swallow my feelings as I realize that he had already drained her, making us too late for her to be saved. Off to the right of her, I see the demon, also lying in a pool of his own blood, a hole visible in the clothing he wore, his once clear eyes vacant and cold, with only a little remaining spec of black within them. The remains of his demon self.
“You always were the smart one, Gabriel.” Lucifer boasted as he moved forward, his expansive size calling my attention away from the cold bodies I witness around me. “How you managed to get past my warding spells is beyond me, but I cannot say I'm not happy that you did. It has been far too long little brother.”
“What you have done here, Lucifer I cannot allow to continue. You have forsaken the very part of yourself that we as your brothers believed to still be intact. You must be punished.”
“Look around you dear brother. You are too late. The plan is a complete success. In a few short minutes I will possess the rotting carcass of my most trusted confidante and I will be completely unstoppable. It is of no consequence to me now that you believe me to be evil.”
From the looks of the destruction around me I knew there is no argument I can make. Between Serenity's stiff and pale body, to that of the very demon that had most likely died trying to protect her, it did appear as if he had everything under control. Except I knew different. He had not planned on the arrival of his brothers.
“I will not allow you to take Ryan as your host and neither will the others.”
For the first time in forever, I witness a look of shock appear across my brother’s face as his eyes grow wide and his lips grew tight.
“Others? Who has agreed to meet their demise along with you today?”
From behind me I heard them move from their location and felt the ground shake as they all moved forward as a unit. The human saying of there being strength in numbers is no more real than it is in this moment now. The most powerful of Heaven all in one room, ready to take down the fallen one.
“If it isn't a family reunion! How sweet. I'm amazed you could get that one there out of Heaven at all. That is quite the accomplishment, Gabriel.” He replies with a smirk as he points to Raphael.
“Where we may not see eye to eye on most things, in this regard we do and we are here together as one to stop you from going through with what you have planned to do.”
“How do you propose to do that, Gabriel? As I said, the stage has been set. Even though I am wounded, I still hold more than enough power to take you all down.”
I hear the smash before I see it, as the bottle flew up and over my own head and landed squarely at Lucifer's feet, breaking with a crash into hundreds of small shards, the liquid from inside pouring out all around him.
Before he has time to react, using every bit of the power I still had at my disposal, I shape the fire ball in my hands, building it more with every movement my hands make until it is large enough to cover his body the minute it reacts with the holy oil.
With one more burst of strength I pushed it toward him, and back away as it collides with its target. Within seconds, Lucifer went up in flames, the fire ball mixing together with the oil and creating a wide open circle of fire around his now burning body.
“You are only postponing the inevitable, young angel.” he shouts through the fire, barely legible through the sound of the flames crackling as they grew higher around him.
“Maybe so, but all I need is a brief interruption.” I state as I motion with my hands for Uriel to begin his part of the plan.
I watch in awe as Uriel makes his way to where Serenity lies and as her body begins to glow under his power, I know that soon the branding would be gone and we would be able to remove her from this place. Even if I arrived too late, at least when it is all said and done, I would have gotten her body back where it belongs.
In Heaven.
“Saving the girl. How typical of you. Too bad I don't care about her; she was just a means to an end. An end that as you can see has definitely been reached.”
Before I could respond, I heard Uriel's voice loud and clear in my mind.
“She is still alive. We must move her now before he learns of his mistake.”
“Do it. Take her home.”
Focusing my attention back on Lucifer I watch as Uriel lifts her into his arms and within seconds vanishes out of the chapel. Releasing the breath I had been holding I smiled at back at him.
“Michael, you must remove Ryan from here before the oil burns out. There isn't much time left.”
As Michael and Raphael made their way over to where Ryan lay motionless, I watch as Lucifer steps out around the ball of fire that until now he had been trapped in.
“You will do nothing of the sort.”
As he made his way toward me, I summon the blade to my hand, preparing for the fight. How he walked out of the holy fire I did not know, but I couldn't let that little surprise stop me. As much as I do not want to be the one to kill my brother I know now that it might be the only way to make it out of this alive. He is stronger than I originally gave him credit for.
“Do you not see, G
He reached out and grabbed me, lifting me from the ground by my neck, squeezing harder the higher he lifted me into the air. Michael, who had left Raphael to deal with the moving of the demon turned and shot a blast of lightning from his palms, hitting Lucifer in the back, releasing his hold. As I hit the ground, the blade clanging against the cement floor beside me, I dived toward it, as my brother grabbed tightly onto my leg in an attempt to stop me.
Kicking him off, I turn and sit up and much the way Michael had done, I grew a ball of energy in my hands, whipping it toward him, knocking him completely backwards until his body lay still.
“Now! Get Ryan out of here now!” I screamed, again turning my attention back to the blade, securing it in my grasp before bringing myself up by the wings to a standing position above Lucifer. As I stare down at him, knowing at any moment he could get back up, I see the weak look in his eyes and the blade marks protruding from his chest. There is no sign of blood yet I knew that the marks had damaged him.
As Michael and Raphael vanished from sight, the body of the demon disappearing with them, I breathe out one last sigh of relief before turning my attention back to the brother laying broken at my feet.
“Your plan was flawless, Lucifer. You really did think of everything. You just did the one thing we all expected you to do.”
“What—is—that?” He asks as he struggles for each breath to get the words out. What I could only hope were his final ones.
“You thought you had it all figured out of course. You let your head get bigger than the rest of you. By the power of Heaven, this is where your darkness ends. You will never see the light again.”
I plunge the blade deep into him and watch as the black blood slowly begins to pour from his chest, staining the ground below. As I watch him inhale his last breath, content that I am the one here for his final moments, I whisper a prayer for the dying, placing one final kiss on his brow before bowing my head and apparating.
Darkness has a way of creeping up on you, making its presence known before you even realize it’s happened. It takes over your life, turning you into the very thing you have been sworn to destroy. That will not happen because today is a new day. The darkness would no longer have the chance to reign supreme.
Today the light has won.
Epilogue
Serenity
When you're born, you come into the world with no real understanding of anything. Your only goal is to get through each day, learning; taking in as much as you can and making the best of the bad situations. There is no discussion of fate and destiny. For most people, they never even realize they have one. They go through life blind, never giving the ultimate goal much thought.
I was one of those people. I grew up with a unique ability, but instead of learning everything I could about it and using it to its full potential, I saw it as nothing more than a curse. A flaw in God's design. I had never given much thought to a master plan for me or what I would eventually mean to the world. I mean come on, what can a girl that speaks to the dead really be capable of in the grand scheme of things?
I’m capable of a lot as I’ve come to find out. I spent the majority of my life pushing people away, fearful of getting close and my secret getting out. I ran them off before they chose to do it themselves. In the blink of an eye that all seemed to change. I was no longer alone in my life. Not only did I have Emma and Graham, but I also have Ryan and Gabriel too.
For the first time in my life I have a family and more than that, a real destiny.
Not a day will go by in the remainder of my time here, where I won't be aware of what my true calling is and also that I achieved it. According to our father, God himself, my calling has not yet been realized, but honestly, I think in this one way I know more than him because I know that it has.
Saving Ryan or at least realizing the light that’s inside him when I did, that is my true calling. Even Gabriel thinks so. We don't talk as much as we used to and that's not okay with me. I might not understand the whole concept of the beloved, but I do know that for the time he had been most active in my life, I enjoyed it. He has more than succeeded in his goal of keeping me safe. I only wish sometimes that he could see it that way too. Life just isn't as fun without an angel coming to me at all hours and singing in my ear.
Ryan’s healing. He's been in this coma for the last six months. According to Michael, he died in his effort to save me and for that and so much more, I will always love him. True to his word, he left me with just enough of my light in order for me to regenerate more. Within two weeks of mandatory angel bed rest by Gabriel and his brothers I’m back at full working capacity. I hadn't died and in the process, his sacrifice redeemed him.
His sacrifice only solidified what I knew all along. He may have been born of the darkness, but he’s destined for the light. His father had been the demon and in sleeping with the mortal woman the way he did, he set his son on a path that wasn’t of his own making. Ryan had never been given the choice. When Lucifer came to him as a child, the choice was made for him. In deciding to save me, it turned things around. He’s finally making his choice and it’s the right one. The one meant for him.
After spending every waking minute with him in an attempt to bring him back to me, Michael finally kicked me out, but only after promising me that he would continue watching over heaven’s newest addition. It is because I love him that I did as the angel asked of me. I know if the roles were reversed, Ryan would have done the same thing for me and knowing that, it makes it easier to comply with what everyone wants from me.
Everything seems to have worked out well, or as well as it could have considering the awful situation my choice put us all in. The only thing that isn't right is Graham. According to Gabriel, he can’t be located. In much the same way Ryan blocked himself from Gabriel, it’s like Graham is doing the same. His soul is unable to be found anywhere, something even the man himself tried and failed with. I’m worried about him, nearly as much as Gabriel, but even with the power I have, of which new facets appear daily, I’m at a loss as to what to do.
I will find him. Even if it takes the rest of my life, I will do it. I owe him just as much as I owe Ryan and Gabriel. His part in trying to save me can’t be ignored and I only wish he was here now so that I could tell him to his face.
I’m supposed to go back down soon. Father wanted me to go back sooner, but I fought against it. After everything we’ve been through, a demonic marriage the least of it, there is no way I’m leaving without Ryan. He might not hold a special bond with me the way Gabriel and Graham do, but he did hold something much more important and special.
He held my heart.
I wouldn't go anywhere in this life without him beside me. All he has to do is wake up and I would show him exactly what I mean.
Experiencing what we did with Lucifer taught me so much. Things I will take with me forever, even when my human life is over. I’ve seen the dark side of life now. How one single event can change the course of forever and turn you into something you never believed you could be. It's what you do when you notice the change that matters.
Lucifer at one time loved Heaven, his father and family so much that he didn’t want to see it split apart when the world was created. He was able to see ahead somehow, and knew the humans would turn it dark and twisted so he fought tooth and nail against it, even though it meant going against the family he loved so much. When he was cast out, he could have easily come back had he just come to terms with the right way to handle things. Instead, he let the darkness build inside until he became someone completely unrecognizable, even to himself. It's sad really, because the smile I witnessed on his face on the occasions I'd been around him is proof that the light still resides at least a little inside of him.
It might be sick and twisted in its meaning, but it didn't make it
Goodness will always win over evil, no matter how much the evil attempts to break you. More than that, you are never truly in darkness. Sometimes, all you need to do is turn on the light.
Graham
I want to get out of here. Days seem to run into each other until I no longer know what day of the week it is or even if months or years have passed. All I know is that my bright idea to free Serenity failed and now I’m the one that’s being tortured in captivity.
For what feels like forever I’ve been chained to this chair alone, with only the three visits a day from him, complete with an overload of memories, to keep me company. It happens the same way every day. He comes in, a grin on his face so evil it makes my skin crawl and proceeds to show me moments of my life and people that I love until I scream out in agony.
Teasing me with a life I would no longer live. That is what he calls it. He wants to break me because once I’m broken, only then am I viable. What I need to be viable for he never says, but given how he seems to enjoy torturing me, I can only assume it isn't anything good.
Serenity’s dead. At least that's what he told me before slamming me full of memories of us together in every lifetime. I finally got to see the way she'd been with me in the two lifetimes I had her. Also the way I lived lifetimes without her.
I learned that I killed Ryan's biological father, or at least his original vessel. I thought hearing that would make me happy but it’s just something I’m torn up about. I’ve never hurt another living being before and seeing myself going through the motions and doing that hurt on a level I’ve never experienced.
I want out of here. I want to go home. I want someone to realize that I’m not alright and come looking for me, but with the way time continues to move it’s becoming less likely that I'll ever be discovered.
I think about my mom a lot, hoping that wherever she ended up, she’s okay, but I’m not naïve. I know that with the way he destroyed my house after he captured me, the odds are that she’s lost to me forever. It’s a loss I refuse to feel in an effort to retain at least some level of sanity. Hearing about Serenity's final moments is bad enough, dumping my mom’s end on top of it would really push me over the edge.
I often wonder where Gabriel is and if he’s aware that I’m gone. If there is some form of a bond between host and angel and he'll eventually come for me, bringing the power of Heaven down on the man that spent hours happily torturing my soul. I wish I learned more about his abilities before this happened because maybe then I'd be able to hope and hold out just a little bit longer.
There are times where the fear gets the better of me so bad that I plead with my captor to end it all. Death almost seems like a better alternative then what I’m left with now. He never does it of course, but the urge is there, especially when he haunts me with the death of the only girl I've ever loved and the mother that loved me unconditionally, no matter how much pain I caused her.
I never give in. I just can't give the smiling bastard the satisfaction of surrendering.
He’s here again. Which means I’m about to be flooded with more memories. As he places his hands on both sides of my head and pushes the memories my way at an alarming speed, I do the only thing I can do. I scream.
“Someone help me!”
To Be Continued…
Acknowledgements
I have to start by thanking my parents, Otto and Rowena, for being my biggest supporters. This book would never had gotten to the point it is now if you weren’t the amazing people you are. My love and admiration for you both knows no boundaries.
My four real life angels, who put up with a lot of frozen dinners, ordered out pizza and hearing ‘just one second, I’ve gotta get this line down’ more times than I can count while locked away writing. Thank you to all four of you for showing me real unconditional love.
To the mothers of special needs children all over the globe. As a parent of three myself, it does not go unnoticed. Your love, constant strength, support and determination in making the world a better place for your kids is inspiring. Continue fighting the good fight.
The two craziest guys I’ve ever known, Aaron & Joey. It is because of you both and your never ending support and love of me that the story was written at all. So yes guys, that means you can give yourselves a gigantic pat on the back. You definitely deserve it.
My girls in the HMC. The countless hours spent with you possibly drooling (I’ll never tell!) over photographs are ones I would gladly repeat all over again. Thank you for all your support in me and this project. Jennifer Ankles, Jill Fritz , Faith Walsh, Lisa Morris, Savanna Decker, Jenn Lierman, Linda Rabinowitz and Jennifer Hicks, this one’s for you ladies. Much love to you all.
For everyone taking the chance and picking up this book. Thank you for spending your time with the story and characters that are so dear to my heart they’re almost like family. I appreciate each and every one of you and the time you took out of your busy schedules more than you will ever know.
About The Author
Holding On To Heaven is Melyssa’s big debut.
Melyssa Winchester is a mother of four from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. When she’s not knee deep in adolescent awesomeness, she’s falling in love, one book boyfriend and girlfriend at a time. She is a lover of all things romance and will forever believe in a real and true happily ever after. When she’s not off being a mom or writing, you can find her doing one of two things. Reading or buried under the covers watching Supernatural, Sons of Anarchy or Veronica Mars.
Melyssa is currently working on Before The Light Book #1: Hold Onto Me (Michael’s Story) that follows the lives of the characters from the Love United Series before they came together. She is also hard at work on a standalone title Shades of Blue and plotting many more upcoming projects for the future.
You can find her on the web, either at her personal site, Facebook (which she just might have an obsession with) or Twitter (@WinchesterBooks) where she talks incessantly about her kids, her writing and all things book boyfriend related.