Huckleberry Hearts by Jennifer Beckstrand
“I fight my own battles when I have to, walk away when I can, keep silent when I should.” He slid to the bench in front of Norman so they were facing each other, with knees almost touching. “I have no respect for a man who decides he doesn’t like somebody before he’s really gotten to know him. And I’m certainly not the kind of man who bullies his sister, knowing she won’t fight back.”
Norman squirmed a little before narrowing his eyes into slits. “I’m not picking on her. I am admonishing her. She must understand the consequences of her actions.”
“From what I’ve seen, you’ve made the consequences very clear.”
“That will be a small consolation if she burns in the fires of hell.”
Zach balled his hands into fists. “So you believe that everyone who isn’t Amish is going to hell?”
“God placed her in the Amish community. She shouldn’t change what God has planned for her life.”
“How do you know that she isn’t living the life God planned for her? Jesus said not to judge.”
“I know that God would not lead her into temptation. I know that men like you do not seek to guard a woman’s virtue. You are out to destroy it. I don’t want that to be my sister’s fate. She is only safe here in the community.”
“She knows how to take care of herself.”
“But is she happy? Surely you have seen what I have seen in her eyes. She’s been disappointed over and over again.”
Zach couldn’t argue. She’d said as much the other night.
“She knows that she can only find what she is looking for among the Plain people. She wants a man like Elmer Lee.”
“There is plenty of virtue among the Englisch,” Zach murmured, not altogether convinced himself.
Norman grunted. “Really? What about you? Do you claim that virtue in yourself?”
Zach’s confidence slipped, but he didn’t take his eyes from Norman’s face. “I never claimed to be something I’m not.”
“And yet you are interested in Cassie.”
Zach didn’t even try to protest. He was as interested in Cassie as a starving man was interested in food, but he would never cheapen the feeling by telling Norman about it.
“I can see your desire for her in your eyes.”
“It’s not like that.”
What did he truly want from Cassie? He wasn’t sure, but he knew it wasn’t a one-night stand. He wanted something deeper, though he was at a loss to define it. But to have any meaningful relationship, he’d have to convince her to trust him.
To do that, he’d have to prove he was different than Finn McEwan and all those other college frat boys.
But he wasn’t all that different. He didn’t go out looking for girls to hook up with, but wasn’t that what he expected after a few dates? He didn’t deserve Cassie. Could he ever hope to? Could he be the kind of man she could respect? Or at least feel safe around?
Norman flared his nostrils. “You will not drag Cassie down to hell with you.”
“I would never do that to Cassie.” Even as he said it, he swore an oath to himself that he never would. Cassie deserved tenderness and love and a man she could trust completely, not only with her virtue but with her heart. Suddenly more than anything in the world, he wanted to be that man. “She is safe with me.”
Norman scowled. “Safe? Ha. You aren’t man enough for Cassie. You’re wearing a pink shirt. What does that tell you?”
Zach thought the shirt said “fashionable.” Norman read “idiot.”
Norman leaned forward. “It wonders me if you know the first thing about chopping wood or shoeing a horse or raising a barn. Can you fix an air compressor?”
Zach wanted to lie through his teeth. He didn’t. “No.”
“Do you know how a windmill works or a water pump? What about a water heater?”
“Of course not. I’m from California.”
“You can’t hitch a horse to a buggy or plow a field. You’re ignorant. You’d be like a baby if you tried to live amongst the Amish. Even a five-year-old knows more than you do.”
Zach longed to ask Norman if he knew how to set a broken leg or take out an appendix, but something told him that Norman wouldn’t be impressed. And he had the depressing thought that Cassie wouldn’t be either. Besides, it would sound like he was playing a game of one-upmanship.
How had Norman known how to get under Zach’s skin? Zach had seen the way Cassie’s eyes glowed with pride when she talked about the barn raisings and many things that the Amish did to help each other. And he hated to admit that he didn’t know how to milk a cow, probably something the Amish kids did before they even learned how to walk.
Zach was impressed with how resilient the Amish were. At eighty-five Felty Helmuth milked his cow twice a day, but that wasn’t all. Every man in the community chopped wood and hefted hay bales. They planted and harvested crops, butchered hogs, felled trees, and raised barns. If the Amish didn’t know how to do something, they’d teach themselves—without YouTube, Facebook, or a college education.
Cassie was drawn to the community not only for their faith but for their simple and resourceful way of life. You could take a girl out of the country, but you couldn’t take the country out of the girl, or something like that.
Norman turned his eyes to where Cassie and Elmer Lee were engrossed in a very serious conversation. Cassie did the talking and Elmer Lee listened. Zach imagined, with some spite, that Elmer Lee probably only had about a hundred words in his vocabulary.
“Look at them,” Norman said. “They belong together. Cassie should be here. If you wrench her from us, she’ll be unhappy for the rest of her life.”
“Cassie chose to leave. It’s the Amish life that made her unhappy.”
“She believes that. But a man like you is no good for her. Elmer Lee can give her everything she truly wants.”
“I can do anything Elmer Lee can do, and better.” He grimaced on the inside the second he said it. It sounded like a playground brag. My dad can beat up your dad.
Norman smirked. “Elmer Lee can reduce an entire tree to kindling in a matter of minutes and heft bales faster than a mosquito can bite.”
Can he turn a soccer ball on a dead run?
Maybe now was the time to bring up the appendix thing.
Norman had shaken his self-assurance more than he cared to admit.
“You don’t belong here,” Norman said, “and Cassie does. It’s my responsibility to urge her to mend her ways and come home.”
Zach glanced at Cassie out of the corner of his eye. She dabbed a finger to her eyes. He sat up straighter. Had Elmer Lee made her cry? Elmer Lee bowed his head and walked away from her as if he had nowhere in particular to go.
Zach shot to his feet. He’d had enough of Norman, and he needed to see if Cassie was all right. He stared Norman down. “You think I’m too weak to speak for myself? Just try picking on Cassie again, and we’ll just see who’s weak.”
“Is that a threat?”
Zach frowned. “Next time, I won’t stand silently by and let you or anyone else bring your sister to tears.”
“You Englisch are all the same, angry and violent.”
Violent? Did Norman actually believe he meant to do him bodily harm? Punch him in the nose or something? Whatever. Let him think what he wanted. “At least I don’t profess to be godly and then abuse people in the name of religion.”
Norman clamped his mouth shut and peered at Zach resentfully. He was livid, but at least Zach had shut him up.
Shut him up and offended him.
Norman hadn’t expected any better, so it was probably just as well.
Would Cassie be furious or grateful?
Not even Cassie’s reaction mattered at the moment. She was visibly upset, and Zach had to know if he needed to challenge Elmer Lee to a duel. Or a fistfight. Or a cutthroat round of Life on the Farm, Titus’s favorite game.
If he had anything to say about it, no one would ever make Cassie cry again.
&nb
There weren’t a lot of good places to hide in a warehouse. No large posts to conceal oneself behind or secluded corners to sneak into. She couldn’t go outside to be alone without freezing to death, and the little alcove that housed the bathrooms was constantly crowded with people. So she slipped over to the wall farthest from the crowds and ducked behind one of the quilt displays where she wouldn’t be seen. Mostly.
Cassie really hated disappointing people. She really hated telling boys no and breaking their hearts. Growing up, her mamm had often scolded her for caring too much about what other people thought of her and putting other people’s happiness ahead of her own. But Mamm had no reservations about using Cassie’s weakness to her advantage when Cassie wasn’t inclined to do what her mother wanted.
Telling Elmer Lee again that she wasn’t interested had been difficult. Elmer Lee liked her too much to give up easily. It hadn’t helped matters that Mamm and Norman encouraged him. They bore some of the responsibility for his disappointment.
She heard muted footsteps and turned to see Dr. Reynolds sidling behind the quilt display with a tissue in his outstretched hand and a deeply concerned look on his face. The doctor could have been a model or a movie star. Good looks like his were as rare as an original Picasso. He had rolled his sleeves to his elbows, and she could see the muscles and veins of his strong forearms.
Who would have ever guessed that pink could be that masculine?
Holding her breath, she willed her pulse to resume a normal pace.
She really needed to stop staring now.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Ignoring the sculptured biceps lurking beneath his sleeves, she took the tissue from him and dabbed at her eyes even though they were mostly dry.
“What did he say to make you so upset? I volunteer to teach him some manners if you like.”
She smiled and expelled a puff of air. “Elmer Lee is harmless. I wanted to give him a chance to move away gracefully without it seeming like I dumped him.”
His lips twitched as if he were holding back a full-blown smile. “You dumped him?”
“I guess I didn’t really dump him, since we weren’t going out in the first place. I told him that he should find a nice Amish girl because I’m not coming back.”
Now he did smile, a smile that could have turned back winter in Chicago. He took two giant steps closer, probably so she could smell that irresistible scent of his. “I’m glad to hear it.”
For a second, she forgot she had the power of speech.
He cleared his throat and took a step away as if he realized his presence made her giddy. “I’m surprised he wasn’t the one who ended up crying.”
She sighed. “He’ll be fine. My brother shouldn’t plant false hope.”
“I have to admit, I felt a little nervous. I thought maybe Elmer Lee would talk you into marrying him.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I was jealous too, but as long as you didn’t give him your phone number, I guess we’re even.”
Zach seemed to have an uncanny ability to make her smile. “Elmer Lee has been baptized. Giving him my phone number would have been pointless.”
He pretended to be insulted. “So you would have given it to him and not to me? I wore pink today just for you. Have you no heart?”
“Apparently not, at least according to Norman.”
His smile faded. She shouldn’t have mentioned her brother. Norman made grown men cry on a regular basis. “Norman picks on you,” he said. “How can you find any patience for him?”
“If I don’t argue, he eventually winds down.”
He furrowed his brow. “But your silence gives him permission to keep bullying you.”
“I’d rather not create more bad feelings by fighting back.”
“Norman doesn’t have the same consideration for your feelings.”
“My feelings don’t matter. I’d rather do just about anything than argue.”
Zach’s eyebrows inched closer together. “If you don’t want to upset anyone by defending yourself, why did you defend me?”
“I . . . well, Norman knows better than to treat a stranger so rudely. I’m sorry he attacked you.”
“I have a thick skin, and I’m far from helpless. Just ask Taylor Olsen. He took a swing at me, and I broke his arm.”
Cassie’s eyes became big, wide circles.
He shook his head vigorously. “Not on purpose. I blocked his punch with my forearm so he wouldn’t break my nose. Again. He got a red card and a really big cast.”
Cassie cracked a smile.
Zach chuckled. “I’m grateful you defended me. It would have been a little embarrassing to stand there and let Norman yell at me. I wasn’t about to yell back. The thing I can’t figure out is how you agree with everything Norman accused me of, but you still came to my defense.”
Cassie felt the warmth travel up her face. “I never said I agreed with him.”
His gaze pierced hers. “But you do. You think I only want one thing from you. It’s why you wouldn’t give me your phone number.”
“I think you’re a very nice guy, Dr. Reynolds.”
He grimaced. “Nice guy? That’s not it. You think I want to get you into bed and nothing more.” He glanced around their little space as if making sure no one had heard him. “I’m sorry for being so blunt. But I’m right, aren’t I?”
She wished she could shrink to the size of a pebble. “In my experience, it’s what all the college guys want.”
He frowned and scrubbed his hand down the side of his face. “You have a very low opinion of me, don’t you?”
Hadn’t she made it clear to him that she didn’t like conflict? This was shaping up to be a monster-size conflict. Avoidance was her best option. She balled the tissue in her fist and took two steps toward the benches where the auction would be held. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But I do.” His gentle hand on her arm stopped her in her tracks. “Please, Miss Coblenz. I promise I won’t argue or get angry. I just want to understand you. I want you to understand me.”
The weight of so many years of disillusionment pressed down on her. “You already admitted it. I know you well enough,” she whispered.
He looked behind him as they both heard the auctioneer calling out bids on one of the quilts. Holding out his hand, he said, “This is a nice secluded corner where we can sit and talk.”
She hesitated. Did she really want to take his hand? Of course she did. That was why she didn’t.
“I just want to talk,” he persisted. “I don’t want to make out with you or convince you to accept a date. Just talk.”
She walked to the far wall and sat in the corner on the floor. With only a ghost of a smile on his face, he followed and sat next to her, leaning back against the metal wall. “Cold,” he said.
“Not much insulation between us and the outside.”
“If I go get my coat, will you promise not to leave until I get back?”
She curled her lips and nodded.
He got to his feet and took off. He came back with his coat, which he quickly laid over her shoulders. “Oh,” she said. “I thought this was for you.”
“I like it when you wear my coat.” His look sent a spark of electricity down her arms. “Besides, the cold doesn’t faze me. I used to study in the Reg at UChicago. It’s like a freezer in there.”
“You forget that I grew up Amish. In the winter I don’t think my one-room schoolhouse got warmer than fifty-five degrees.”
He looked genuinely worried. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”
She tugged it more tightly around her shoulders. “I’ve been out of primary school a very long time.”
He sat next to her again, but she noticed that he was careful to keep his distance. No arms nudging up against each other.
He rested his arms on his knees. “So, you’re dead set against me because you think I’m a pretty bad guy.”
“But you said you already know what I’m like.”
She wanted to disappear into the folds of his coat. “You’re all alike.”
His eyes held something intense in their depths, but he twitched his mouth into a grin. “I ask you, is it fair to lump me with the likes of Finn McEwan? He doesn’t even have good hair.”
Seeing his expression, she relaxed a little. Maybe he wouldn’t growl at her like Norman would. “You’re right. It isn’t fair.”
“Right. I mean, you make this flash judgment about me and deprive me of the chance to take you out.”
She rolled her eyes. “So you never did any of those things the rest of your college buddies did?”
He pressed his lips together as if he were thinking real hard. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve done some things you’d find objectionable, but I’d never use a girl the way Finn did.” He massaged his jaw as if he were trying to scour the skin off his face. “But I have slept with a few girls. You already guessed that.”
“I wouldn’t have expected anything different.”
Pain traveled across his face as if she had slapped him. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Don’t apologize. Nothing hurts like the truth.”
She felt horrible, like she’d just run over a puppy in her car. This was why she didn’t like confrontations. Nobody walked away satisfied. “We should go find Dawdi.”
He gazed at her, and she saw a yearning that took her by surprise. “No, we shouldn’t, not when you’re being so honest.”
“So brutal.”
He turned his whole body to face her. “I want to hear it.”
“Sure, you say that now, but wait until I rip your kidneys out of your chest and stomp on them.”
He lowered his head and smiled. “Technically, kidneys do not reside in the chest cavity.”
“It would still be painful.”
“Bring it on.”
He coaxed a smile from her in spite of herself. “I know how I sound, like a judgmental, spiteful prude.”