Humpty Dumpty in Oakland by Philip K. Dick
“What’s it like on the other side?”
“We’ll find out,” he said.
“Anyhow,” Julie said, “the air smells nice.”
15
At Sparks, Nevada, he bought tickets to Salt Lake City. They spent a few hours wandering around Sparks; it was close to Reno and very modern and well cared for. And then they were on their way across the Nevada desert. It was three-thirty in the morning.
Both of them slept. There was nothing beyond the bus, no lights, no life. The bus roared along without stopping.
When Al awoke the sun had come up; he saw all around them the rocky lands, hills of broken rock, scrubby gray plants, and, here and there along the road, discarded human debris. The time was eight-fifteen. According to the schedule they were almost to the Utah border.
At Wendover the bus stopped so that they could get breakfast. This was the last stop in Nevada, the last gambling machines. The town lay along the highway, spread out with space between each house and shop, sandy soil on which nothing grew. To exercise their legs, he and Julie walked the length of the town and then back to a café for hotcakes and bacon.
“We could be almost anywhere in California,” Julie said, looking around the café. “The same booths, the same cash register. Jukebox.” The café seemed to have been newly built; everything was freshly painted and stylish. “The only thing different,” she said, “is the newspaper. And the funny-looking dirt outside.”
Several other passengers were eating in the café, too, so they had no fear of being left.
“Are we going to stay in Salt Lake City?” Julie asked.
“Maybe,” he said. It seemed to him as good a place to relocate themselves as any. At least, from what he had heard of it.
“It’s sort of exciting,” Julie said, “an adventure like this…not knowing where we’re going, just moving on, not stopping. Cutting ourselves off from our past. Our families.” She smiled at him. Her face was wan from lack of sleep, and her clothes were rumpled. His were the same. And he needed a shave.
Suddenly he had a premonition. Salt Lake City was too big a town. They would have a representative there.
He said, “I think we’ll go on as soon as we get to Salt Lake.” Getting out the map, he examined the possibilities. A town small enough to be unimportant to the Harman organization, but large enough so that he could get a job or go into business. Open a used-car lot, he thought. There would be enough money, just barely enough, if he bought wisely.
“I’d like to see Salt Lake City,” Julie said. “I’ve always wanted to.”
“So would I,” he said.
“But we can’t.” She studied him.
“No,” he said.
“I have no say-so in this?”
He said, “You better let me decide.”
Julie went on eating then. So he did too.
After they had left the café they walked slowly back in the direction of the parked Greyhound bus. They could see the driver; he was off talking to two middle-aged women. So they did not hurry.
“This is a very pretty little town,” Julie said. “But there’s nothing doing here. We’ve seen it all. It’s just a place for people to stop and eat and get their cars fixed and do a little last gambling.” Turning toward him, she said, “Do you feel safer here? Probably not. You’ll never feel safe. It’s really inside you.”
“What is?” he said.
“The conflict. The thing you’re running away from. Psychologists say we carry our problems with us.”
He said, “Maybe so.” He did not feel like arguing with her.
They came to the bus. The door was open, and he started to ascend the metal steps.
“I don’t believe I’ll get on,” Julie said.
“Okay,” he said, stepping back to the ground.
“At all.” She did not flinch; she met his gaze. “I’ve decided I don’t want to go any farther. I think there’s something you’re not facing in yourself; that you’ve never faced. And you’re dragging me along. If you try to force me to get on the bus, I’ll scream and they’ll stop you. I see a highway patrolman or somebody over there.” She nodded her head; he saw the parked patrol car with its antenna.
“You’re going to stay in Wendover?” he said, in agony.
“No. I’m going to take the next bus back to Reno, and I’m going to stay there a few days and do some shopping, and then if I like it there I’ll stay there and get a Nevada divorce, and of course get a job there. And if I don’t like it, I’ll go on back to Oakland. And get a California divorce.”
“On what?”
“Won’t you give me part of the money?”
He was silent. Other passengers, seeing them at the bus, were beginning to come, afraid they might be left behind. The driver was winding up his conversation with the middle-aged women.
“I want you to come back with me,” Julie said. “But probably you won’t; you’ll go on fleeing.”
He groaned.
“Yes,” she said. “Groan, because you know it’s the truth.”
He said, “It’s crap.”
“Just give me some of the money. Not even half. Just, say, five hundred dollars. I know how much there is; that leaves you almost fifteen hundred. Under California joint-property law, half of it is mine. But I don’t care. I just want to end this—pathology. This—” She broke off. Other people were going by them and up into the bus.
Al said, “I’ll have to sign the traveler’s checks or they won’t be good.”
“Fine,” she said.
Holding the checks up against the side of the bus, he signed five hundred dollars’ worth. He gave them to his wife.
“Well,” she said quietly, “you did just give me five hundred. I thought maybe you’d volunteer half. Well, it doesn’t matter.” Tears filled her eyes, and then she turned to the driver, who had come up, and said, “I’d like my luggage; I’m not going on. May I, please?” She held out the claim check. The driver glanced at her, then at Al, and then accepted the claim check.
Al got onto the bus and reseated himself, alone. Below, on the outside, the driver was unloading Julie’s suitcase. He slammed the metal door shut after the suitcase and then hurried up into the bus to seat himself at the wheel. A moment later the motor roared on; gray smoke poured from the exhaust. The remaining passengers got quickly on and found their seats.
Seated in the bus, Al saw his wife walk away with her suitcase, into the bus depot. The door closed after her. And then the doors of the bus shut and the bus began to move.
He felt the rift, the ghastly, purposeless rift. What did it matter now whether he went on or not? But he was going on; he was on his way alone to Salt Lake City and whatever came after that. Maybe this is better, he thought. For us to separate. At least they won’t get both of us. It was hopeless from the start to try to make her go along. He thought, You can’t force people to do anything. I can’t make Julie do what I want her to do, any more than Lydia Fergesson could force me to send flowers or go to the mortuary. Each of us has his own life to live out, for better or worse.
The Great Salt Lake was enormously hot, white and unsteady. Toward midday the bus had crossed it and had reached the fertile green part of Utah with trees and small lakes; once more he saw countryside not much different from California. There was quite a bit of traffic on the highway. He saw, ahead, the beginnings of a large city.
He found Salt Lake City as crowded and busy and built-up as the Bay Area; it, like Oakland, had other smaller cities so close to it that they merged. Residential and business districts, he thought as he gazed out the bus window, were about the same everywhere. Motels, drugstores, gas stations, cleaning establishments, dime stores…the houses seemed to be mostly of brick or stone, or, if of wood, unusually substantial. The streets were well maintained and noisy. He saw a lot of teenagers and their cars, the modified hot rods that he saw all day long going back and forth along San Pablo Avenue.
In many ways, he decided, Salt Lake City app
When he got off the bus in downtown Salt Lake City, two plainclothes policemen took hold of him and led him off to one side of the depot. “Are you Allen Miller of Oakland, California?” one of them asked him, showing his badge.
He was so completely cut down that he nodded yes.
“We have a warrant for your arrest,” the plainclothes policeman said, showing him a folded paper, “and return to the State of California.” They began to move him, between them, toward the curb and their parked police car.
“What for?” Al demanded.
“For fraud,” one of them said as they pushed him into the car. “Obtaining money under false pretenses.”
“What money?” he demanded. “Who says so?”
“The litigant signing the complaint in the County of Alameda, California; Mrs. Lydia Fergesson.” The policeman started up the car, and they drove off into downtown Salt Lake City traffic. Meanwhile, in the back of the car, the other policeman was searching Al; he offered no resistance. “You’ll be here a couple of days and then you’ll be on your way back.”
Al could think of nothing to say.
“You know this Mrs. Fergesson?” one of the policemen said to him, with a wink at the other.
“Sure,” Al said.
After a time one of the policemen said, “Is she a widow?”
Al said, “Yes.”
“Fat? Middle-aged?”
Al said nothing.
“What’s your stated occupation?” one of the policemen said.
“Car salesman,” Al said.
“You’ve gone up in the world,” the policeman said, and chuckled.
Transportation arrangements were made the next day. With another male prisoner of the State of Utah, he was sent back to California in the custody of a sheriff’s deputy; they made the trip by air, and within a few hours after leaving the Salt Lake City airport they were landing at the Oakland airport. There, a police car met them and they were taken to the Oakland Hall of Justice.
Only two and a half days had passed since he and Julie had started on their trip. I wonder where she is, Al thought as he sat on a bench in one of the courtrooms, waiting to be arraigned. Did she go back to Reno? Is she there now? Strange he thought, to be back here. He had never expected to see Oakland again. Through a window of the courtroom he could make out the public buildings of Alameda County, and somewhere, not far out of sight, would be Lake Merritt. Where, many times, he had gone canoeing.
Coming back by air made the distance seem short. I didn’t get very far, he decided. A few hours away; that’s all, for those who travel by air. It had never occurred to him to take a plane. That must be the kind of thing Lydia meant, he thought. When she said I understood the world so little.
Someone, evidently an employee of the court, came over and told him he should have an attorney.
“Okay,” he said. The whole thing seemed vague to him. “I will.”
“You want to phone?”
“Maybe later,” Al said. He could not think of anyone to phone. He wished that he had his pills with him. Perhaps he did; he began fishing in his pockets, but without success. No, he realized. The Anacin tin was in another pair of pants. Or the police had taken it away; they had gone over all his things. Maybe that’s what happened to me, he thought. Somehow I got cut off from my pills.
The next he knew, a short, bald, foreign-looking man in a double-breasted suit had come into the courtroom. I know him, Al said to himself. Maybe he’s my lawyer. But then he remembered him. It was Lydia’s lawyer, whatever his name was.
Several people conferred with the lawyer, and then Al found himself being moved out of the courtroom, down a hallway. I’m really in their hands, he said to himself. They guide me around wherever they want. A policeman pointed to an open door, and Al entered a side room, a sort of office with chairs and a table.
“Thanks,” he said to the policeman. But the policeman had already gone on.
The door opened and Lydia’s short, bald, foreign lawyer entered with his briefcase; moving rapidly, in an important manner, he seated himself facing Al and unzipped his briefcase. For a moment he glanced over papers and then he looked up. He smiled. They all smile, Al thought. Maybe that’s how you can tell them.
“I’m Boris Tsarnas,” the lawyer said. “We have met.”
“Yeah,” Al said.
“Mrs. Fergesson didn’t want to see you, at least at this time. I’m her counsel, you understand, in this matter.” His voice dropped to a drone. “As well as other matters involving the estate of her deceased husband and so forth.” He studied Al for so long that Al became uncomfortable. The man had bright, intelligent eyes, small as they were. “The investment,” Tsarnas said, “was perfectly reputable.”
That was it then. That explained it. Al nodded.
“We had all the financial records, all the statements from the accountants, gone over. The net return on her investment will probably be very high; at least ten percent, possibly more. Possibly as high as twelve. Harman was acting without any recompense. He has no involvement with the enterprise, save that he knows both Mr. Bradford and the deceased Mr. Fergesson. It appears that he was doing precisely as he indicated, offering his informed guidance in securing for the deceased a premium investment which now becomes advantageous to the heir, Mrs. Fergesson. And so I have advised her.” He snapped his briefcase shut. In a friendly manner, he said, “I thought you would be interested in knowing. You seemed to have some concern over Mr. Harman’s reliability. When the check in question was stopped at Mrs. Fergesson’s insistence, Mr. Harman proceeded to make good on it himself. That is, he advanced forty-one thousand dollars of his own money to Mr. Bradford to cover the sum, until such time as the check would be made good. So he risked a good deal of his own cash to be sure the investment opportunity was secured and therefore not lost to the widow of the deceased.”
Presently Al said, “Lydia knows all this?”
“As soon as we had gone over the financial statements, we so informed her. This Marin Gardens place is well thought of, in Marin County real-estate investment circles. A number of sanguine people on the other side of the Bay, and a few here, have bought in.”
Al said, “What’s that got to do with her having me arrested?”
“You obtained a large sum from Mrs. Fergesson under false pretenses. You alleged that while working to protect her interests you encountered a severe loss, and you intimated that she was responsible and so should make good. As soon as she told me what she had done, I advised her to start action to stop that check.” The man’s eyes danced. “But of course you put it right through. Mrs. Fergesson then wished me to advise her concerning further action. You had, as we discovered, left California as soon as you had cashed the check.” His smile grew. “The bank informed us that you had converted the two thousand dollars into traveler’s checks. And we found that both you and your wife had packed and left together. In fact she had packed while you cashed the check.” He continued to smile at Al, almost as if he admired him.
“I sold her a car,” Al said.
“A thirty-year-old car completely in ruins. Worth no more than a few dollars as scrap.”
It was true. He had to admit it. “But they wrecked the car,” he said.
“Who?” Tsarnas’s eyes blazed up briefly.
“Harman and his goons.”
“Nonsense. Yes, you told her that. The Oakland police have the vandals. The car was wrecked even before Mr. Fergesson’s death, by some kids who’ve been vandalizing property up and down West Oakland for months.”
“Juveniles,” Al murmured.
“Yes,” Tsarnas said.
Al said, “Harman got my wife fired.”
“Your wife wasn’t fired,” Tsarnas said.
Al stared at him.
“If it’s important to establish this, and I don’t quite see why it is, we—that is,
“I have nothing to say,” Al said. Somewhere he remembered that statement; it seemed to be right. It seemed to be what he wanted.
Considering, Tsarnas at length said, “Mrs. Fergesson is interested in having her money restored to her. Not in persecuting you. Do you have the money?”
“Most of it,” Al said.
“It can be arranged,” Tsarnas said, “that if you make full restitution, no charges will be pressed. There are innumerable expenses connected with your arrest in Utah and your return here; probably something would have to be worked out with both states. I don’t know. Anyhow, if you are willing and able—”
“I am,” Al said. “Willing and able. I can sell my lot and the rest of my cars. To get the money.”
“You have no record?” Tsarnas said. “No history of bunko stuff of this kind?”
“No history at all,” Al said.
“Were you working alone?” Tsarnas said. “I’m just curious. I know Mrs. Fergesson had great fondness and admiration for you, up to the moment she realized—and don’t imagine she wanted to realize—that you had bilked her out of two thousand dollars. My Lord, didn’t you work with her husband for a number of years?”
“Yes,” Al said. “I worked with her husband a number of years.”
“You really must have been nursing a long-term grudge,” Tsarnas said, “to become active so soon after his death. That man was just cremated.”
“How was the service?” Al said.