Kiss of Life by Daniel Waters
"What is that supposed to mean?" Was she making some kind of obscure comment about Tommy? Or something else?
"Oh, nothing. Adam, honey," Karen said, "why do you want to see where you died?"
Phoebe's breath caught in her throat, and Adam turned to Karen.
"Don't answer that," she said, "I ...know why. We can't help it, can we? But it isn't really a good thing. We ...moved ...out of my old house because that is where I... I died."
Phoebe's grip on Adam's cold hand was tight. She wondered if Karen was going to tell Adam what only she and
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Margi knew, which was that Karen had committed suicide.
"When I came back, I... would go there ... every day. The upstairs ...bathroom. I'd go and I'd stand next to ...the tub. For hours. That's where ... I died. My parents would come home and I'd still be ...standing there, staring at ...the tub. Sitting in it, sometimes."
Adam gave a slow blink. Karen sighed.
"It wasn't healthy," she said. "I'm glad we moved."
"Want to ...see," Adam said.
Karen shook her head. "It really isn't a good idea."
"Maybe we should listen to her, Adam," Phoebe said, holding his arm and looking up at his face for some sign, some expression that told her what Adam wanted from a return to the spot where he breathed his last. "Maybe we should go back to the house, listen to some more ..."
"No," he said, without turning to look at her.
She was hurt, but she managed to keep it from her voice.
"Okay, Adam," she said. "We can go there if you want."
His arm twitched and slid out of hers. "A ...lone."
She let go of his arm, shocked. She looked at him, wondering why he wouldn't look at her, wondering why he didn't want her with him. She started to protest, but it died on her lips when he finally turned toward her.
"Alone," he said again, and despite the lack of inflection in his monotone, she thought she detected a tone of gentleness there.
He stared at her, his face an unreadable mask. "Okay," she said after a time. "I'll wait here."
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He didn't speak as he began his slow progress toward the woods.
She felt the weight of Karen's arm around her shoulders as Adam's hulking form disappeared into the thick shadows.
"Don't worry, honey," Karen said, her voice a cool whisper against Phoebe's ear. "He'll be ...fine. Nothing can ...hurt him now."
Phoebe shook her head, her cheek brushing against the dead girl's.
"That isn't true," she said. "It isn't."
But even as she said it, she knew she was really talking about herself.
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CHAPTER THIRTEEN
RIGHT LEG. LEFT LEG. Right hurt saw hurt Phoebe hurt bastard left leg. Right leg hurt Phoebe sad I'm sad too Phoebe is it guilt or is it more there never was more so it must be guilt. Stop. Sad Phoebe.
Stop. Ran down this path That Night. That Night ran and ran like wind ran Phoebe screamed ran saved Phoebe saved my love Phoebe shot shot dead run run left leg right leg run run.
Fall. Get up. Get up.
"How the mighty ...have fallen," voice said. "Literally." Get up.
Smiley. Get up. Right arm left arm push right leg push. Right and left arm right leg push.
"Let me ...help you," said Tak. Tak Smiley.
Speak. Stop speak speak.
"Can't."
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"Of course ... I can," said Smiley.
Smiley strong lift help no help haul up Smiley not smile. That Night Smiley found Pete Smiley stopped Pete I stopped Pete stopped Pete's bullet.
"It happened right ...over there," said Smiley, Smiley pointing. "That... is where ...you died."
Look. Look right leg left leg. Look blood gone leaves and dirt and blood blood gone blood seeped into earth life gone.
"We all ... do it ... some time," Smiley said. "Like swallows ...to ...Capistrano. Revisit ...our ...death."
Look. Look no blood blood in the earth seeped into soil Phoebe's tears seeped into skin dead skin. Phoebe held me she held me and she cried and she cried and I died. Gone gone where one door closing one door opening. Whose hand turned the knob?
"I died on the ...Garden State ...Parkway," Smiley said, "truck ...sideswiped my bike. Broken neck."
Smiley look Smiley crack Smiley's head on shoulder head angle leaning on shoulder Smiley lift head crack crunch head back Smiley smiling.
"They hate us ...you know," said Smiley. "The beating hearts. Hate."
Smiley lifts shirt Misfits shirt ribs look ribs actual ribs white white bones last cracked flesh gray gray skin hangs.
"They hate us because ...we ...remind them ... of the ...future."
Look. Look. Smiley lets shirt down Smiley lifts hand
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spreads bones spread white bones Smiley dead dead like me like me dead.
"They hate us ...and they will try ... to destroy us," said Smiley. "Soon."
Hate not hate. Joe not hate STD not hate Johnny hate not Jimmy hate Phoebe Thorny Margi not hate Phoebe love Phoebe. Speak love speak speak. Love...
Smiley laughed the dead can laugh can't laugh Smiley not Smiley dead.
"No," Smiley said, "not love. She ...doesn't love. She ...didn't love ...him ...and she doesn't...love you."
Right arm. Right arm right arm right arm. Miss. Smiley quick Smiley swift Smiley laugh.
"I know ... it hurts. It hurts ...being dead. The pain ...gets worse."
Stop. Speak stop speak stop.
"It gets worse. It gets worse because you ...start to feel. You start to ...remember what it was like to ...feel. Really feel. You can get ...angry."
Smiley smiled.
"Like you ...just did. You will feel ...just a little. You will remember ...feeling. And you will ...hate ... as they hate."
Not hate love not hate love Phoebe love. "You will ...hate ...even her ...because she will remind you ... of the past."
Not hate Phoebe love not hate hate.
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"There is no past. There is ... no future," said Smiley, "there is only ...the ...endless present."
Smiley walk walk into darkness into forest no path straight into darkness right leg Smiley quick gone in darkness.
"When you are ready ... to hate ...I'll be waiting for you ... in the present."
Gone. Not hate.
Not.
Hate.
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN
"DID YOU SEE the plastic surgeon yet?" his father asked from the opposite coast. Pete sneered into his cell phone. He would rather his dad call up and say, "Does your face hurt? It's killing me," than have one more question about the plastic surgeon. "No."
"Why not?"
"I just haven't wanted to."
Since his injury, Darren had called almost every other day to check to see if Pete had gotten the surgery. That was the most attention he'd paid Pete since abandoning him and his mother. Even the summers he spent at his dad's place didn't provide as much contact with his father as the scar did.
"You should get that fixed."
"Yeah." But if I got it fixed, you'd stop calling me, wouldn't you? "Well," Darren said, "I've got a conference call in five
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minutes I have to get ready for. How's the community service going?"
Darren never asked about the therapy; just the community service.
"Fine. I'm on my way to work off hours thirty-one through thirty-five," Pete replied. The sound of the admin assistant's voice on Darren's pager told Pete that his father had already mentally disconnected from their conversation.
"That's great," Darren said, with all the enthusiasm of a zombie. "Gotta run. Get your scar fixed."
"Yeah."
"Bye," Pete said, but his father had already hung up. He saw a zombie through the windshield of his car, a pasty-looking freak in a blue jean jacket.
"Was that your father?" Pete's mom asked from the driver's seat. She hadn't let him drive sin
"Yes, it was Darren," he said.
"Oh. How is he?"
Pete didn't answer. Duke Davidson opened the front door to the facility as soon as his mother pulled in front of the building. Pete got out when she stopped and said good-bye over his shoulder.
"Ready for more custodial work?" Duke said, smiling thinly and waving to Pete's mother as she drove away. "I'm going to have you do the bathrooms today."
"Great," Pete said. He was looking behind him at the zombie, who seemed to be shambling down the hill toward the security fence. "I have to get my head shrunk first."
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Duke laughed. "Don't stare." "What?"
Duke handed Pete his security badge, which had a small unsmiling photograph of Pete on the right-hand side. "I said, 'Don't stare.' Angela wouldn't like it if she thought you were trying to intimidate the residents."
"Intimidate ...?"
"That's Cooper Wilson. He stays here now. He was one of the survivors of a zombie purge in Massachusetts a few months ago. Maybe you heard about it? The Dickinson House Massacre, they call it."
Pete shook his head. He noticed that Duke, who normally kept a brisk pace as he roamed the shiny halls, had slowed to talk to him.
"There's a girl who came from there. Melissa."
"That the one in the mask?"
Duke looked at him, grinning. "See, you do pay attention. She wears the mask because she was horribly disfigured in the fire."
"That's rough." Pete's hand drifted up to the stitching in his face.
"You ever catch up to the guy who did that to you?" "What?"
Duke stopped, and Pete looked up at him, jerking his hand away from the stitching.
"Do you know who did it?" "I know who did it."
Duke nodded. "There's some zombies in town," he said,
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"they like pulling pranks. Petty vandalism, stuff like that. Some of them are into roadkill." "Roadkill?"
"They chew on it. Disgusting, huh? But it's the pranks that will get them in trouble."
"I heard about a prank. Zombie recruitment posters, or something."
Duke nodded, his hands on his hips. "That's right. What do you think about that?"
Pete thought that it really pissed him off when he heard about it. Stavis called him up, acting like the posters were a big joke or something, but Pete didn't think it was funny at all. Thinking of Williams and his sick designs on Phoebe, he thought that the posters were too close to the truth--that the dead really were trying to recruit the living for their sick enterprise.
But he didn't know what Davidson was looking for from him, so all he did was shrug. Duke looked at him as though Pete didn't have to say anything, like Duke could see right through into his heart.
"Okay," Duke said, as though satisfied by whatever he saw there.
Pete felt Duke's stare the entire trip down to Angela's office.
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CHAPTER FIFTEEN
" I'm going out, Adam," Mom said. "Do you want me to call Phoebe so you have some company?"
Speak.
"No."
"Okay," she said, "I'll be back in a couple hours."
Left leg. Right leg. Right arm. Through the window Mom looks scared looks relieved to be out can't blame her can't. Phoebe next door with homework with books with music with Phoebe miss Phoebe.
Phoebe.
Phoebe clings needs to live not cling needs to live can't live hurts. Can't live. Phoebe needs to forget forget me can't forget Phoebe needs to forget me. Tak Smiley is right. Forget.
Can't forget Phoebe said Phoebe become who you always were become. Can't become anything. Can't.
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Dead.
"Hey, stupid."
Jimmy. Stupid Jimmy. Meet Takayuki Jimmy.
"There's someone here to see you, stupid," said Jimmy.
Right leg. Left leg. Right leg. Moving faster moving better was slug now snail soon be turtle. Hope. Left leg. Hope Phoebe hope not Phoebe Phoebe needs to live can't live with me.
"I'm out of here, stupid," said Jimmy. "Don't let the maggots catch you."
Jimmy out the door past visitor visitor not Phoebe.
Master Griffin.
"Your stepbrother is a rude individual," said Master Griffin. "Not centered at all." Speak. Speak. Come ... in.
"No," Master Griffin said, shaking gleaming bald head. "Let's go outside. It's almost warm today. I'm very sorry I haven't come sooner. I'm afraid I'm not very big on newspapers or the like, a side effect of being too long on foreign soil. One of the consequences of having a rich interior life is that you can sometimes lose connection with the outside world."
Smiles. "Which is why you need to come outside with me."
Speak. "Glad ..."
"I'm glad to see you too, Adam. That's right, bend your knees a little more as we go down your steps." "Can't..."
Master Griffin shook his head. "That word is to be stricken from your vocabulary, effective right now. Remember
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what Yoda said? 'Try not.' The word 'can't' has no place in your recovery. You can and you will. Time is all it will take."
Quoting Yoda? Can't. Can't speak. Speak. Can't.
Master Griffin's eyes narrow, tone serious.
"I know that it is difficult, and I know that your body is not obeying your instructions right now. But it would not obey your instructions when you first began to work with me, if memory serves. You could not do the Bow. You could not do the Crane. There were other forms that you had yet to master. This is no different."
Right leg. Left leg. Master Griffin's hand on my arm pressure is there pressure stars in the sky breeze can't feel no shoes can't feel cold ground beneath my no shoes feet can't feel.
"Good," said Master Griffin. "We are going to relearn the forms, and your body will begin to obey you. The body will remember. You will regain control through the discipline of practice. Do you remember your forms?"
Master Griffin moves moves like water arm rigid crosses body right arm right arm right Master Griffin bends knee drops shoulder arm down lift arm lift arm lift arm.
"Again," said Master Griffin.
Again, again said Master Griffin can't move didn't lift arm lift arm lift arm.
"Again," said Master Griffin.
Lift arm lift arm lift arm look Phoebe's light is on Phoebe books and music Phoebe's hair the memory of the smell of her hair lift arm.
"Good," said Master Griffin, "feel your focus return."
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Lift arm. Lift arm move arm focus move arm. Arm, motionless.
"Excellent," said Master Griffin. "Focus. You are the only-one that can do this."
Focus. Lift arm. Move arm bend knee bend knee drop fist. Lift arm.
Lift arm.
Lift arm!
Hand moves.
"Excellent," said Master Griffin, smiling. "Again." Lift arm.
"You know, I've missed you at the dojo."
Focus.
Lift arm.
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CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The'd just sat Adam down in the back of the van when she felt a light touch on her shoulder. She turned and saw that Tommy, who, driven by an old-world sense of chivalry, was normally the last one on. "Hello, Phoebe," he said. "Adam."
Phoebe hesitated. Adam tried to wave in the cramped quarters. He got the arm motion right, but the wrist and fingers weren't really bending just yet. Progress is progress, she thought.
"Can I...talk to you?" Tommy said. "Alone?"
He motioned to the pair of seats behind the driver. Looking at Adam, she hoped he'd shake his head, or reach for her hand, but instead he nodded.
"Okay," she said, crouching as she slid into the seat before Tommy. He had to lean so the other students could climb in, and she was acutely aware of her pulse as he pressed against her. He was so solid and unyielding; his arm like a rock against her.
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"I've been thinking about what you said ...Phoebe,"
"Oh?" she replied, glancing over her shoulder as the rest of the class settled in their seats. Her skin was tingling from where Tommy had leaned against her. Karen had taken Phoebe's usual seat and was leaning against Adam, whispering something that brought a phantom smile to the corner of his mouth.
"I've thought ...about a lot," Tommy said. "I want you ...to know ... I still have feelings ...for you."
"Tommy," she warned, turning to face him as the van started up. "Let's not do this here, please?"
Thorny and Margi were complaining loudly about some experiment gone awry in their biology class. Colette's shrill laughter filled the vehicle.
"I'll be ... brief," he said. He was whispering, at least. Even so, she couldn't help but risk a self-conscious glance over her shoulder. Karen was still talking to Adam, but he was looking right at her.
"I just wanted ...to ...thank you."
"To thank me?" She was conscious that he hadn't taken his eyes off her from the moment they sat down. If he was angered by her darting eyes he didn't show it.
"For trying," he said. "With me. It was ...a ...brave ...thing to do."
"It wasn't an act of charity, Tommy," she said, anger raising her voice. "I was just as ..."
She didn't get to complete her sentence, because Thorny shouted to Tommy from the last row of the van..
"Hey, Tommy!" he called. "What do you think, would
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you let us dissect you for a differently biotic class?"
"Why ...not?" he said, trying to smile. "Learn more than ...with ... a fetal ...pig."
Phoebe looked away, out the window at the trees whose yellow and red leaves were muting to brown. Won't be long, she thought, before they started to fall. Last year there were storms in mid-October that knocked all the leaves down. She remembered raking them up into wet piles, sad that her favorite season had been compromised by the fickle New England winds.