Knights' Sinner by Bella Jewel
I turn on her, gripping her shoulders. “Watch what you fuckin’ accuse me of, Addison. I stood by your fuckin’ mother while she was pregnant.”
“But you won’t stand by Serenity.”
“She fucking lied to me.”
“So? So what? She fucked up. She’s paying for it. She was protecting someone she loved, which is more than you can say for yourself right now. Maybe she’s right; maybe you are just as cold hearted as her father.”
She shuffles through the crowd until she finds Muff, and she sits down beside him. I growl, and clench my fists.
Fuck this.
Just fuck it.
~*CHAPTER 19*~
SERENITY
The warehouse is large, three times the size of my fathers. It’s a solid two hours away from the compound, too, making it safer. It’s fully fenced, and the inside is sectioned into two, large, air-conditioned spaces. We basically halve it up, one lot of guys in one side, another in the other side, and us girls get a large office at the back. We all have air mattresses, or sleeping bags. We all found something we could sleep on. Jackson has a small space at the back to himself. Maybe it’s also an office? I don’t know.
Spike is taking the truck back for another run to get everyone’s clothes, plus some food and water. The warehouse is surrounded by thick, green trees, and there’s a creek running along the back of it. It’s very pretty up here, and if I wasn’t in the position I’m in right now, I’d really like this stay. Instead, I am curled up on the floor, Janine pressed against my back sleeping, and Ebony tucked into my arms, also sleeping. I’m not sleeping. I’m just staring.
Depression is a funny thing. It can creep up on you so quickly. One day, you can be feeling totally ok, the next you can think of nothing but escaping the pain. I feel trapped, like there’s no escape. Jackson hates me, and I have nowhere else to go after this but back to Hogan. I won’t do that. I won’t bring a child into that world. Janine said we could get a place together, but let’s face it, we’re both broke and have no job experience.
I’ve got no way out.
Suicide is selfish, or so everyone tells you. But when you’re in a position, where everything seems pointless, where you forget how to feel, how to love, how to breathe...then it doesn’t seem so selfish. Besides, it’s only selfish when you have someone to leave behind. I don’t. I have no one except Janine and Eb’s, and they’d be just fine without me. Of course they would. They would create their own world without me in it.
My chest clenches at the terrifying thought that I am actually contemplating my own life. I shake a little, and gently pry Ebony from my arms and get to my feet. I need to walk. To breathe. Something. I need to get these thoughts out, I need them to disappear. Something has to give. It has to. I can’t keep going on like this. I don’t want to keep feeling so broken. So empty.
I walk out into the main area, and there is a group of bikers surrounding a table. They’re all drinking and talking amongst themselves. I walk past them. My face blank.
“Serenity?” Spike calls.
I keep walking.
His fingers curl around my arm a moment later, and he spins me around. He jerks at my expression, because I know it’s completely empty. Not one, single emotion shows on my face. “You can’t go out there.”
I shake my arm from his grip, and turn, walking back towards the room. Like a zombie.
I feel like I’m empty.
Like there’s just nothing left.
As soon as I get back in, I curl up on a chair, facing the window. I stay there, even when Janine wakes and tries to get me out. I smile for Ebony, but it’s forced. Addi tries to make me eat, I decline. I don’t hear from Jackson, and I don’t care to. When the night falls, and the bikers start drinking, I finally move from my chair. No one is in the room, so I venture out, desperate for some water. Then I very much plan to go and sit back down to continue on being a prisoner.
I hear laughter outside, so I figure it’s safe enough to find the fridge and get what I need. I walk into the small kitchenette when I hear giggling, I squint and my blood runs cold. Kayla is sitting on the bench, legs spread, and Jackson is standing between them, clearly drunk by the way he’s swaying. He’s laughing about something. Laughing. Like the past few days have meant nothing to him. Like it doesn’t matter at all that I am in there, pregnant with his child.
I gasp.
He turns.
His eyes widen for a moment, before turning back to that cold emptiness. He’s not actually doing anything but standing there flirting, but it burns all the same. I spin around, gasping for air as I rush towards the front door. I get to it, realizing everyone is outside and turn frantically, heading for the back door. I get out and into the fresh air, and struggle to breathe it in. I feel a set of arms stop me, and I spin angrily to see Muff .
“Stop her!” I hear Jackson yell.
Muff tightens his grips on me, and when Jackson appears in the doorway, he rasps, “I got her boss, she’s fine.”
Jackson turns his eyes to me, but I look away.
“It wasn’t...”
“Go to hell, Jackson,” I rasp.
“I got it boss,” Muff says again. “I got it.”
“Serenity...” Jackson says again.
I glare at him, my entire body shaking. “Go to fuckin hell, Jackson. Didn’t you hear me?” I scream. “Just leave me alone. I don’t need you. I don’t want you. Just GO!”
He looks hurt. Fuck him for looking hurt. He has no right to look hurt.
“Don’t let her go,” he rasps to Muff.
“I won’t.”
He turns and disappears into the warehouse, and my knees crumble.
“Whoa, princess, hey...I got you.”
Muff wraps his arms around me, keeping me upright. He holds me until I stop shaking, and then I begin to struggle out of his arms.
“You can’t go out there alone, princess.”
“What do you care?” I bark. “I thought we were friends.”
“We are...”
“No,” I cry, shoving him backwards. “We’re not! You were going to shoot me.”
He looks like I’ve slapped him. “I wouldn’t have shot you, but I had to be a part of that.”
My lip trembles, and he stretches his hand out, offering his comfort. I shake my head furiously.
“I don’t want your help!” I cry.
“Yeah, you do. You’re fallin’ to pieces, Serenity.”
“I am not! I’m just doing what I have to do...”
“Until what?” he barks, shocking me. “Until you fall into a thousand fucking pieces, or you kill your fucking baby because you break down? You need someone, I don’t fucking care if you want it or not!”
“I just saw him in there with Kayla,” I whisper, dropping my head and giving in.
“Aw shit.”
“He wasn’t...it wasn’t like that, but...he doesn’t care about me,” I rasp. “He doesn’t care that I’m pregnant.”
“He cares, he’s just hurtin’...”
“I fucked up.”
“It can be undone.”
I shake my head. “I’m scared, Muff.”
“Hey, come here...come with me.”
He reaches out, and wearily I take his hand. He leads me inside and past Jackson, who watches us as we head to Muff’s made up bed on the floor. Muff sits on it, offering me his hand. I crawl down with him, and he pulls me into his arms.
“W-w-what are you doing?” I ask.
“Givin’ you some comfort. You’re fucked. Your eyes are dark and your body is tired. You need to rest. Lie down, let me hold you.”
“I...can’t.”
“You can,” he says gently. “Now come on.”
He pulls me down into his arms, and then rolls us so his chest is pressed against my back, and I’m tucked neatly against him. I close my eyes, forcing back the tears, and just enjoying a moment of comfort with someone. I feel Muff lift his head and shake it, and I know it’s towards Jacks
Muff does that.
He holds onto me until I fall into a fitful sleep.
And he stays there with me all night.
~*~*~*~
JACKSON
DAY 3
“She’s not eaten a thing, boss. She’s starving.”
I stare at the window, my face blank as Cade speaks.
“Jackson!”
I turn slowly. “I can’t make her eat, Cade.”
“Fuck, what is wrong with you? She’s starving. Do you hear me? She’s fucking starving. She’ll kill that baby.”
“Probably for the best.”
Cade hits me, hard. “Snap the fuck out of it!”
I don’t move.
I don’t even blink.
Blood runs down my mouth, and I feel my own tongue slide out and lick it from my lip. He hit me, and most of the time I’d have him on his ass, but right now, I don’t care. I want to care. Something inside me is tugging to explode, but my mind is blocking me. I don’t want to feel. Feeling ends up in pain, and I’m tired of hurting. The two women in my life that I’ve loved have hurt me. I can’t go back. Can’t do it again.
I’m numb, and each day it just gets worse.
“We need to send her to Hogan’s compound this afternoon...if she doesn’t eat...”
“Send her anyway,” I say, my voice empty.
“Jackson.”
I spin, glaring at him, feeling my fists shake. “Fucking send her, Cade, you’ve been given direct orders.”
He drops his head. “Fuck, fine, whatever you want. If something happens to her, though, it’s on you.”
~*~*~*~*
SERENITY
They sent me into Hogan’s lot to find out information. They wired me up, and sent me in. I’m starving, my body is weak, but here I am, likely about to get beaten half to death by my father. Better yet, I want him to beat me. I want him to take this pain away. I’m tired of feeling this. I don’t have an escape. I’m trapped, even after all this, I’ve lost my lifeline.
For the first time in my life...I want him to kill me.
“Where have you been?” Hogan barks as soon as I step through the front doors. I look at him, but my face is empty.
“Finding out information,” I say, my voice empty. He doesn’t even notice.
“They’re on lockdown, we’ve been watching them. How did you get out?”
“I climbed out a window.”
“Are they all there?”
“No, you need to give them a few more days for the last of the club to arrive.”
Hogan glares at me. “You lyin’ to me?”
“No, go see for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
I am telling Hogan everything Cade and Spike told me to. I am just following a damned script, basically. Hogan walks forward, gripping my shoulder and shaking me. For the first time in my life, I don’t wince.
“You tell me when they’re all in. We’re going to do a sneak attack, just blow the fuck outta them.”
I shrug.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
“You,” I say.
I know what I’m doing. I’m baiting him. I know Cade and Spike are listening to me, but I don’t care. I know right now they’ll be screaming for me to shut up. But I’m tired. I can’t live like this anymore. I don’t want to live like this anymore.
“What did you fuckin’ say?”
“You heard me,” I say, staring into his eyes. “My problem is you.”
He raises his fist back, and hits me so hard I am sent flying into a nearby wall. I hit it so hard my head slams back, causing it to spin even worse than it already is. Hogan storms over, lifting me by my shirt and hurling me across the room. I land against the bar, not screaming. I just want it to be over.
“You’re fuckin’ dead!”
I close my eyes.
Hoping he’s right.
~*~*~*~*
JACKSON
“He’s fuckin’ beating her!” Spike roars, tearing out into the main warehouse.
I stare up at him, knowing he’s talking about Serenity.
“Jackson, he’s fuckin’ beating her. We need to get her out.”
I turn and stare out the window. Spike storms over, gripping me hard and dragging me into the office. I don’t fight him. I have no need to fight him. I don’t give a flying fuck what he’s got to say.
Then I hear it. I hear her screams.
“Kill me!” she bellows. “I beg you!”
She wants to die. She’s begging him to kill her.
She. Wants. To. Die.
“Jackson,” I hear Spike yell, but it sounds like a far off hum. I can’t move, my legs won’t work. “Jackson, he’s gonna fuckin’ kill her.”
Can’t move. I can’t breathe. He can’t kill her. No. He can’t fucking kill her.
“You piece of worthless shit. Nothin’ but a waste of fucking air. I’ll fuckin’ kill you, and I’ll fuckin’ enjoy it.”
He’s going to kill her.
“JACKSON! PULL HER OUT!” Spike bellows.
“Get the guys into action,” Cade yells. “Now Jackson!”
I can’t move. Can’t. My body is panicking, my heart is thumping, my fists are clenched, but I can’t open my mouth. I can’t open it.
“Fuck it,” Cade barks, lifting a receiver. “Granger, make a ruckus, anything to get his attention. He’s beatin’ her. We need to get her out. Now.”
“On it,” I hear Granger say, and then Cade slams the receiver down.
He storms over to me, gripping my jacket and shaking me hard. “If she fuckin’ dies, it’s your fuckin’ fault you cunt.”
Oh shit.
If she fuckin’ dies...
Fuck, what have I done?
~*~*~*~
SERENITY
I hear gunshots, and I lift myself from my spot on the floor. Hogan rushed out, leaving me. I lay on the floor, unmoving, listening to the gunshots out front. I close my eyes, just praying for darkness to consume me. I don’t know what’s happening, and I don’t care. Some big ruckus started outside mid-way through Hogan’s beating. He dropped me, stormed out, and left me lying on the floor, not moving, hoping to fall into oblivion.
It doesn’t last long.
I feel a set of hands wrap around my body and lift me. I open my eyes to see Granger. He and four other guys are the ones who drove me in here. How did they get into the compound? I feel him running towards the back door, and when we get out into the sunlight, I see the car we came in sitting at the back entrance next to three dead bikers. I close my eyes, shuddering. They’re Hogan’s men, I know that. Granger gets me to the car, and I can still hear gunshots. He throws me in the backseat and runs around to the driver’s side, jumping in and hitting the gas. We speed off down the road, and he skids down a dirt track. There, behind a mass of logs and trees, are the three other guys, shooting down at the compound.
“Get in, now!” he barks.
They run to the car, and as soon as the last door is closed, Granger speeds off. I can hear the rumbling of Harley’s firing up, and I know my father and his gang won’t be far behind. Granger speeds down the road, his eyes frantic. I feel my eyes drooping as I struggle to keep them open, shock is rushing through my body quickly.
“They’re goin’ to be up our tail in a matter of minutes,” one of the bikers yells.
“I know that,” Granger barks.
“We need to find a back road, and disappear down it fast.”
“I gotta find one first!” Granger screams.
“You need to find it fuckin’ fast; I can see a fuckin’ bike!”
Panic rises in my chest, the first emotion I’ve felt for days. Granger steps on the gas, and the car skids in the dirt. I hear a shot ring out, and hit the metal loudly. I gasp, and Granger curses.
“Go fuckin’ left, it’s a sharp turn,” one of the bikers yell.
“No, it’s a
My head spins, and my heart thumps as my eyes dart around frantically.
“Lay down lower, Serenity,” Granger orders.
I lay down lower, my hands shaking, my heart throbbing. I hear another gunshot, and it takes everything not to scream. The Harley sound comes closer and closer, and I know this could be it for us. I close my eyes, and warm tears trickle down my cheeks. The car skids suddenly to the left, and bumps up and down, like we’re going over some serious dirt.
“Yeah, good plan,” one of the bikers says. “They can’t bring those bikes down...”
Another shot, the smashing of glass...and then I’m covered in blood. Thick, hard chunks cover my body...oh god...that isn’t blood...I open my mouth and I scream. Granger curses, one of the Bikers starts shooting a gun, and we keep bouncing up and down over the road.
“They’re backing away, they can’t get the bikes over the dirt,” someone yells, I’ve stopped trying to figure out who.
“Is he...” Granger rasps.
“He’s dead...brains every fuckin’ where.”
“Fuck. Serenity?” Granger calls.
I’m silent, my mouth is open, and I’m struggling to breathe. Brains. Brains. I’m covered in brains. I make a whimpering sound, but my body has gone into shock.
“She’s fuckin’ in shock, get her back, now!”
“Serenity, sweetheart,” Granger says gently. “Talk to me.”
I can’t. I am shaking so badly my teeth are rattling together, and I feel sick. So sick. I open my mouth and gag.
“She’s ok,” a biker rasps, his voice broken. “She’s alive.”
“Close your eyes sweetheart,” Granger says softly. “Close them and don’t look.”
I do as he asks, closing them and trying hard to forget about the blood covering me. It’s soaked into my shirt, and I can smell it. That awful, copper smell. I open my mouth and vomit comes out, I can’t stop it. I throw up until I’m gagging and sobbing loudly. My body convulses, and I break. I cry so hard that I begin to wail.