Lights, Camera, DISASTER! by Gordon Korman
“Hey, dudes,” Cathy greeted. “Meet Edward. He’s new at the Hall.”
“These are the two guys we were telling you about,” Diane informed Edward.
Edward regarded them critically. “Come to think of it, I saw them over there in Dormitory 3. They were crocheting doilies.”
This got a big laugh from the girls.
“Oh, shut up, Edward!” snapped Boots. “Look, girls, he’s my kid brother, okay?”
At this news, Edward did another one of his phoney faints. He rolled off his chair to the floor, dropping his ukulele as he fell. This got a standing ovation from the girls.
“Edward —” said Boots warningly.
Bruno managed a brave smile. “Come on, Boots, back off. All the kid needs is a little patience and understanding.”
Edward was on his feet again. “Why don’t you two old men go home and take a nap? Face it — you’re over the hill. It’s time for a new generation.”
It took Boots, Cathy and Diane to remove Bruno’s hands from around Edward’s throat.
“Let go of me, Boots!” Bruno ordered. “And prepare to become an only child!”
“Pick on someone your own size, Bruno Walton!” cried Diane in outrage.
Bruno strained forward. “Let me at him!”
Edward made a big show of yawning, then checked his watch. “Well, I guess I’d better call it a night.”
“You’re not going to bed until after the autopsy!” Bruno roared.
“Don’t be such a bully!” snapped Cathy.
“Goodnight, all,” Edward called. “Thanks for your hospitality.” He took three casual steps, and then broke into a sprint across the dining room.
“Come back here!” Bruno tore free and launched himself in pursuit of the fleeing Edward. Boots and the girls rushed after them.
Footsteps and heavy breathing echoed through the halls, but there were no shouts. No one wanted to wake up Miss Scrimmage and her staff.
Bruno and Boots had been in Miss Scrimmage’s school many times and knew the layout by heart. But Edward was lost. Around and around the main floor he went, at the head of the chase. Finally, he spied a back staircase and made a dash for it.
Diane gasped. “That’s Miss Scrimmage’s suite!” But everyone who heard her already knew that. And the boys were out of earshot, halfway up the stairs.
A diabolical grin appeared on Cathy’s face. “This is going to be our best year yet! Who says education can’t be exciting?”
The boys reached the second floor and hit the hall running. They were at top speed when a door opened, and Miss Scrimmage stepped out into their path.
Edward hit the brakes, and stopped dead. Bruno slammed into Edward from behind, and Boots nearly tripped over the two of them. The three froze there, hanging onto each other for support. In his misery, Boots caught sight of Cathy and Diane crouched on the top step. Diane looked petrified; Cathy winked.
“Oh, my goodness,” the Headmistress mused, adjusting her hairnet and tightening the belt on her robe. “I can’t see a thing without my glasses. Now, where did I put my Cream of Wheat?” She began to feel her way around a small kitchen alcove.
Bruno drew in a shaky breath, about to sneeze. Like lightning, a finger — Edward’s — appeared under his nose to stifle the impulse. Boots’s sigh of relief shook all three of them.
“Ah, here it is,” Miss Scrimmage announced. She started back toward her bedroom. But the spoon slipped off the tray, and landed on the carpet with a soft thud. She bent down and felt around with her free hand. Instead of the spoon, her fingers closed upon the toe of Edward’s sneaker.
“A-choo!” Bruno’s sneeze came out at last.
“A-a-a-augh!” shrieked Miss Scrimmage, tossing her tray in the air.
Boots grabbed Bruno with one hand and Edward with the other, and headed for the stairs.
Cathy whispered, “We’ll cover for you!” She and Diane ran to their Headmistress, who was screaming and picking Cream of Wheat out of her curlers.
“Oh, Miss Scrimmage! Oh, Miss Scrimmage! You were brilliant!”
The Headmistress stopped shrieking and looked up. “I – I – I – was?”
Cathy nodded earnestly. “The way you threw oatmeal at those burglars and scared them away — you saved us! You’re a hero!”
“It was Cream of Wheat, dear,” said Miss Scrimmage, resettling herself like a hen on a nest. “And I have some information for you: those were no ordinary burglars. Those were marauders from Macdonald Hall.”
“No!” Cathy and Diane pretended disbelief.
“Yes, indeed,” the Headmistress confirmed. “And you may believe that Mr. Sturgeon will be hearing from me first thing in the morning!”
* * *
All the way back to Macdonald Hall, Bruno was seething. “So we’re old men, eh? Over the hill? Well, tonight two old men saved your butt from Miss Scrimmage!”
Edward was outraged. “Saved my butt? I’m not the one who sneezed in her face!”
“But you are the idiot who blundered right into her private hallway!” Bruno accused. “If she’d had her shotgun, we’d all be part of the wall!”
“Stay away from Scrimmage’s!” Boots hissed.
Edward raised big innocent eyes. “Like you do?”
“Look,” said Bruno. “This is the way it is: out of respect for the O’Neal family, I’ve decided to let you live. But keep out of my face. And don’t you ever call me ‘old man’ again!”
“Yes, O Aged One,” deadpanned Edward, and scampered off to Dormitory 1.
Boots sighed miserably. “So sue me. You can’t choose your relatives.”
About the Author
Gordon Korman’s first book, This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!, was published when he was only fourteen. Since then he has written more than seventy teen and middle-grade novels, including six more books about Macdonald Hall. Favourites include the New York Times bestselling The 39 Clues: Cahills vs. Vespers Book One: The Medusa Plot; Ungifted; Schooled; and the Hypnotist, Swindle and Island series. Born and raised in Canada, Gordon now lives with his family on Long Island, New York.
The Macdonald Hall Series:
This Can’t Be Happening at Macdonald Hall!
Go Jump in the Pool
Beware The Fish!
The Wizzle War
The Zucchini Warriors
Lights, Camera, Disaster!
The Joke’s on Us
“I love riots.”
—Bruno Walton
Macdonald Hall is a grand old boarding school. Its ivy-covered buildings have housed and educated many fine young Canadians.
But this year there are two students who want to shake things up a little: Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal. They’re roommates and best friends, and they know how to have fun. To Headmaster Sturgeon — a.k.a. The Fish — they’re nothing but trouble.
Soon they have to face their worst nightmares. Boots is moved in with George Wexford-Smyth III, a rich hypochondriac, and Bruno has to bunk with science geek Elmer Drimsdale.
But they won’t let that spoil their school year, oh no. Whatever it takes — even skunk stunts and an ant stampede — they’ll be together again by the end of the semester.
And this is only the beginning.
“This is the darkest hour in the history of Macdonald Hall!”
—Bruno Walton
For the students of Macdonald Hall, there’s nothing worse than losing to York Academy. And until the Hall gets its own pool, those York turkeys will win every swim meet. A pool is out of the question, though: the Hall’s budget is fifty thousand dollars short. School pride is plummeting. There’s even talk of Boots O’Neal’s father transferring him to York Academy.
But Bruno Walton has a brilliant plan. It’s time for the students to take matters into their own hands. How hard can it be to raise fifty grand? A few bake sales, a talent show, a rummage sale … they’ll be there in no time, won’t they?
Won’t they?
?
—Anonymous
Macdonald Hall is having a serious cash-flow problem. Everything is being cut back — evening snack is gone, the lab equipment is decrepit and the dorms are freezing at night.
Worst of all, Headmaster Sturgeon is closing Dormitory 3 and moving Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal in with Elmer Drimsdale, the science geek. There’s even talk of Macdonald Hall being put up for sale.
Could this really be the end for Canada’s finest boarding school?
Please. This is Bruno and Boots we’re talking about, and as always, they have a plan. If they can get some major publicity, score some big media attention, then tons of new students will sign up and the bucks will start rolling in!
The only problem is that the cops are closing in on them …
“You identify the enemy, and then you fight!”
—Bruno Walton
Macdonald Hall is under attack. Where once tradition and freedom of speech ruled the campus, now there is Mr. Wizzle.
That means a dress code — ties, even. Demerit points for just breathing the wrong way. Psychological tests for all students. Surprise dorm inspections. All in the name of progress.
Are the students of the Hall going to stand for it? Not on your life! Wizzle doesn’t stand a chance against The Committee — a secret society of Macdonald Hall loyalists who meet out in the woods, late at night, to plot their revenge.
Whether it takes toilet-paper rolls, a touch of romance, or even an earthquake, it’s unanimous: Wizzle must go!
“Well, football is really a man’s game. No offense, girls. You can be, you know, cheerleaders or something.”
—Bruno Walton
It’s the start of a new school year at Macdonald Hall. But instead of the recreation centre they’d put in for, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal are bummed to find a brand-new football field, paid for by Hank the Tank Carson: ex-football player, current zucchini-snack tycoon. The school doesn’t even have a football team.
But Hank the Tank offers the students a deal: if they can put together a winning team, he’ll build them their rec centre. Suddenly on campus, it’s all about football.
Still, the Macdonald Hall Warriors stink. How will they ever get good enough to rate a wide-screen TV and pool tables?
Meet their new star quarterback. Cathy Burton. From Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School for Young Ladies.
“It’s not spying. It’s surveillance.”
—Bruno Walton
The Macdonald Hall campus is under siege: a practical joker is turning the swimming-pool water blue, dressing up the statue of Sir John A. and sneaking extra soap into the dishwasher. Of course, all fingers are pointed at the usual suspects, Bruno Walton and Boots O’Neal.
But wait — these guys are innocent! And they’re going to have to prove it, before they get expelled.
So who is The Phantom? Is it Mark Davies, the school newspaper editor? Edward O’Neal, Boots’s creepy kid brother? Or, worse yet, could it be Cathy Burton and Diane Grant, their fans and longtime supporters from Miss Scrimmage’s Finishing School across the road?
They’ll have to follow the clues to find out. One feather at a time.
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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Korman, Gordon
[Macdonald Hall goes Hollywood]
Lights, camera, disaster! [electronic resource] / Gordon Korman.
(Macdonald Hall series)
Originally published under title: Macdonald Hall goes Hollywood.
Electronic monograph in EPUB format.
Issued also in print format.
ISBN 978-1-4431-2806-3
I. Title. II. Title: Macdonald Hall goes Hollywood. III. Series: Korman, Gordon. MacDonald Hall series (Online).
PS8571.O78M33 2013 jC813’.54 C2012-907847-6
Text copyright © 1991, 2003 by Gordon Korman.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read this e-book on-screen. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher, Scholastic Canada Ltd., 604 King Street West, Toronto, Ontario M5V 1E1, Canada.
First eBook edition: November 2013
Gordon Korman, Lights, Camera, DISASTER!