Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
I didn’t promise, but I looked at him, and he seemed satisfied, and there was no time for anything but messages and good-bys, for he was off in an hour, and we all miss him very much. I know he wanted to speak, but I think, from something he once hinted, that he had promised his father not to do anything of the sort yet a while, for he is a rash boy, and the old gentleman dreads a foreign daughter-in-law. We shall soon meet in Rome, and then, if I don’t change my mind, I’ll say “Yes, thank you,” when he says “Will you, please?”
Of course this is all very private, but I wished you to know what was going on. Don’t be anxious about me, remember I am your “prudent Amy,” and be sure I will do nothing rashly. Send me as much advice as you like, I’ll use it if I can. I wish I could see you for a good talk, Marmee. Love and trust me.
Ever your AMY
32
Tender Troubles
Jo, I’m anxious about Beth.”
“Why, Mother, she has seemed unusually well since the babies came.”
“It’s not her health that troubles me now, it’s her spirits. I’m sure there is something on her mind, and I want you to discover what it is.”
“What makes you think so, Mother?”
“She sits alone a good deal, and doesn’t talk to her father as much as she used. I found her crying over the babies the other day. When she sings, the songs are always sad ones, and now and then I see a look in her face that I don’t understand. This isn’t like Beth, and it worries me.”
“Have you asked her about it?”
“I have tried once or twice, but she either evaded my questions or looked so distressed that I stopped. I never force my children’s confidence, and I seldom have to wait for it long.”
Mrs. March glanced at Jo as she spoke, but the face opposite seemed quite unconscious of any secret disquietude but Beth‘s, and after sewing thoughtfully for a minute, Jo said, “I think she is growing up, and so begins to dream dreams, and have hopes and fears and fidgets, without knowing why or being able to explain them. Why, Mother, Beth’s eighteen, but we don’t realize it, and treat her like a child, forgetting she’s a woman.”
“So she is. Dear heart, how fast you do grow up,” returned her mother with a sigh and a smile.
“Can’t be helped, Marmee, so you must resign yourself to all sorts of worries, and let your birds hop out of the nest, one by one. I promise never to hop very far, if that is any comfort to you.”
“It is a great comfort, Jo, I always feel strong when you are at home, now Meg is gone. Beth is too feeble and Amy too young to depend upon, but when the tug comes, you are always ready.”
“Why, you know I don’t mind hard jobs much, and there must always be one scrub in a family. Amy is splendid in fine works and I’m not, but I feel in my element when all the carpets are to be taken up, or half the family fall sick at once. Amy is distinguishing herself abroad, but if anything is amiss at home, I’m your man.”
“I leave Beth to your hands, then, for she will open her tender little heart to her Jo sooner than to anyone else. Be very kind, and don’t let her think anyone watches or talks about her. If she only would get quite strong and cheerful again, I shouldn’t have a wish in the world.”
“Happy woman! I’ve got heaps.”
“My dear, what are they?”
“I’ll settle Bethy’s troubles, and then I’ll tell you mine. They are not very wearing, so they’ll keep.” And Jo stitched away, with a wise nod which set her mother’s heart at rest about her for the present at least.
While apparently absorbed in her own affairs, Jo watched Beth, and after many conflicting conjectures, finally settled upon one which seemed to explain the change in her. A slight incident gave Jo the clue to the mystery, she thought, and lively fancy, loving heart did the rest. She was affecting to write busily one Saturday afternoon, when she and Beth were alone together; yet as she scribbled, she kept her eye on her sister, who seemed unusually quiet. Sitting at the window, Beth’s work often dropped into her lap, and she leaned her head upon her hand, in a dejected attitude, while her eyes rested on the dull, autumnal landscape. Suddenly some one passed below, whistling like an operatic blackbird, and a voice called out, “All serene! Coming in tonight.”
Beth started, leaned forward, smiled and nodded, watched the passer-by till his quick tramp died away, then said softly as if to herself, “How strong and well and happy that dear boy looks.”
“Hum!” said Jo, still intent upon her sister’s face, for the bright color faded as quickly as it came, the smile vanished, and presently a tear lay shining on the window ledge. Beth whisked it off and glanced apprehensively at Jo; but she was scratching away at a tremendous rate, apparently engrossed in Olympia’s Oath. The instant Beth turned, Jo began her watch again, saw Beth’s hand go quietly to her eyes more than once, and in her half-averted face read a tender sorrow that made her own eyes fill. Fearing to betray herself, she slipped away, murmuring something about needing more paper.
“Mercy on me, Beth loves Laurie!” she said, sitting down in her own room, pale with the shock of the discovery which she believed she had just made. “I never dreamed of such a thing. What will Mother say? I wonder if he—” There Jo stopped and turned scarlet with a sudden thought. “If he shouldn’t love back again, how dreadful it would be. He must. I’ll make him!” And she shook her head threateningly at the picture of the mischievous-looking boy laughing at her from the wall. “Oh dear, we are growing up with a vengeance. Here’s Meg married and a mamma, Amy flourishing away at Paris, and Beth in love. I’m the only one that has sense enough to keep out of mischief.” Jo thought intently for a minute with her eyes fixed on the picture, then she smoothed out her wrinkled forehead and said, with a decided nod at the face opposite, “No thank you, sir, you’re very charming, but you’ve no more stability than a weathercock; so you needn’t write touching notes and smile in that insinuating way, for it won’t do a bit of good, and I won’t have it.”
Then she sighed, and fell into a reverie from which she did not wake till the early twilight sent her down to take new observations, which only confirmed her suspicion. Though Laurie flirted with Amy and joked with Jo, his manner to Beth had always been peculiarly kind and gentle, but so was everybody’s; therefore, no one thought of imagining that he cared more for her than for the others. Indeed, a general impression had prevailed in the family of late that “our boy” was getting fonder than ever of Jo, who, however, wouldn’t hear a word upon the subject and scolded violently if anyone dared to suggest it. If they had known the various tender passages of the past year, or rather attempts at tender passages which had been nipped in the bud, they would have had the immense satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.” But Jo hated “philandering,” and wouldn’t allow it, always having a joke or a smile ready at the least sign of impending danger.
When Laurie first went to college, he fell in love about once a month; but these small flames were as brief as ardent, did no damage, and much amused Jo, who took great interest in the alternations of hope, despair, and resignation, which were confided to her in their weekly conferences. But there came a time when Laurie ceased to worship at many shrines, hinted darkly at one all-absorbing passion, and indulged occasionally in Byronichc fits of gloom. Then he avoided the tender subject altogether, wrote philosophical notes to Jo, turned studious, and gave out that he was going to “dig,” intending to graduate in a blaze of glory. This suited the young lady better than twilight confidences, tender pressures of the hand, and eloquent glances of the eye, for with Jo, brain developed earlier than heart, and she preferred imaginary heroes to real ones, because when tired of them, the former could be shut up in the tin kitchen till called for, and the latter were less manageable.
Things were in this state when the grand discovery was made, and Jo watched Laurie that night as she had never done before. If she had not got the new idea into her head, she would have seen nothing unusual in the fact that Beth was very quiet, and Laurie very kind
“Who knows? Stranger things have happened,” thought Jo, as she fussed about the room. “She will make quite an angel of him, and he will make life delightfully easy and pleasant for the dear, if they only love each other. I don’t see how he can help it, and I do believe he would if the rest of us were out of the way.”
As everyone was out of the way but herself, Jo began to feel that she ought to dispose of herself with all speed. But where should she go? And burning to lay herself upon the shrine of sisterly devotion, she sat down to settle that point.
Now, the old sofa was a regular patriarch of a sofa—long, broad, well-cushioned, and low; a trifle shabby, as well it might be, for the girls had slept and sprawled on it as babies, fished over the back, rode on the arms, and had menageries under it as children, and rested tired heads, dreamed dreams, and listened to tender talk on it as young women. They all loved it, for it was a family refuge, and one corner had always been Jo’s favorite lounging place. Among the many pillows that adorned the venerable couch was one, hard, round, covered with prickly horsehair, and furnished with a knobby button at each end; this repulsive pillow was her especial property, being used as a weapon of defense, a barricade, or a stern preventive of too much slumber.
Laurie knew this pillow well, and had cause to regard it with deep aversion, having been unmercifully pummeled with it in former days when romping was allowed, and now frequently debarred by it from taking the seat he most coveted next to Jo in the sofa corner. If “the sausage” as they called it, stood on end, it was a sign that he might approach and repose; but if it lay flat across the sofa, woe to the man, woman, or child who dared disturb it! That evening Jo forgot to barricade her corner, and had not been in her seat five minutes, before a massive form appeared beside her, and, with both arms spread over the sofa back, both long legs stretched out before him, Laurie exclaimed, with a sigh of satisfaction—
“Now, this is filling at the price.”
“No slang,” snapped Jo, slamming down the pillow. But it was too late, there was no room for it, and coasting onto the floor, it disappeared in a most mysterious manner.
“Come, Jo, don’t be thorny. After studying himself to a skeleton all the week, a fellow deserves petting and ought to get it.”
“Beth will pet you, I’m busy.”
“No, she’s not to be bothered with me; but you like that sort of thing, unless you’ve suddenly lost your taste for it. Have you? Do you hate your boy, and want to fire pillows at him?”
Anything more wheedlesome than that touching appeal was seldom heard, but Jo quenched “her boy” by turning on him with the stern query, “How many bouquets have you sent Miss Randal this week?”
“Not one, upon my word. She’s engaged. Now then.”
“I’m glad of it, that’s one of your foolish extravagances—sending flowers and things to girls for whom you don’t care two pins,” continued Jo reprovingly.
“Sensible girls for whom I do care whole papers of pins won’t let me send them ‘flowers and things,’ so what can I do? My feelings must have a went.”
“Mother doesn’t approve of flirting even in fun, and you do flirt desperately, Teddy.”
“I’d give anything if I could answer, ‘So do you.’ As I can‘t, I’ll merely say that I don’t see any harm in that pleasant little game, if all parties understand that it’s only play.”
“Well, it does look pleasant, but I can’t learn how it’s done. I’ve tried, because one feels awkward in company not to do as everybody else is doing, but I don’t seem to get on,” said Jo, forgetting to play mentor.
“Take lessons of Amy, she has a regular talent for it.”
“Yes, she does it very prettily, and never seems to go too far. I suppose it’s natural to some people to please without trying, and others to always say and do the wrong thing in the wrong place.”
“I’m glad you can’t flirt; it’s really refreshing to see a sensible, straightforward girl, who can be jolly and kind without making a fool of herself. Between ourselves, Jo, some of the girls I know really do go on at such a rate I’m ashamed of them. They don’t mean any harm, I’m sure, but if they knew how we fellows talked about them afterward, they’d mend their ways, I fancy.”
“They do the same, and as their tongues are the sharpest, you fellows get the worst of it, for you are as silly as they, every bit. If you behaved properly, they would; but, knowing you like their nonsense, they keep it up, and then you blame them.”
“Much you know about it, ma‘am,” said Laurie in a superior tone. “We don’t like romps and flirts, though we may act as if we did sometimes. The pretty, modest girls are never talked about, except respectfully, among gentlemen. Bless your innocent soul! If you could be in my place for a month you’d see things that would astonish you a trifle. Upon my word, when I see one of those harum-scarum girls, I always want to say with our friend Cock Robin—
“Out upon you, fie upon you,
Bold-faced jig!”hd
It was impossible to help laughing at the funny conflict between Laurie’s chivalrous reluctance to speak ill of womankind, and his very natural dislike of the unfeminine folly of which fashionable society showed him many samples. Jo knew that “young Laurence” was regarded as a most eligible partihe by worldly mammas, was much smiled upon by their daughters, and flattered enough by ladies of all ages to make a coxcombhf of him; so she watched him rather jealously, fearing he would be spoiled, and rejoiced more than she confessed to find that he still believed in modest girls. Returning suddenly to her admonitory tone, she said, dropping her voice, “If you must have a ‘went,’ Teddy, go and devote yourself to one of the ‘pretty, modest girls’ whom you do respect, and not waste your time with the silly ones.”
“You really advise it?” And Laurie looked at her with an odd mixture of anxiety and merriment in his face.
“Yes, I do, but you’d better wait till you are through college, on the whole, and be fitting yourself for the place meantime. You’re not half good enough for—well, whoever the modest girl may be.” And Jo looked a little queer likewise, for a name had almost escaped her.
“That I’m not!” acquiesced Laurie, with an expression of humility quite new to him, as he dropped his eyes and absently wound Jo’s apron tassel round his finger.
“Mercy on us, this will never do,” thought Jo, adding aloud, “Go and sing to me. I’m dying for some music, and always like yours.”
“I’d rather stay here, thank you.”
“Well, you can‘t, there isn’t room. Go and make yourself useful, since you are too big to be ornamental. I thought you hated to be tied to a woman’s apron string?” retorted Jo, quoting certain rebellious words of his own.
“Ah, that depends on who wears the apron!” and Laurie gave an audacious tweak at the tassel.
“Are you going?” demanded Jo, diving for the pillow.
He fled at once, and the minute it was well “Up with the bonnets of bonnie Dundee,”hg she slipped away to return no more till the young gentleman had departed in high dudgeon.
“I thought you were asleep,” sobbed Beth.
“Is it the old pain, my precious?”
“No, it’s a new one, but I can bear it.” And Beth tried to check her tears.
“Tell me all about it, and let me cure it as I often did the other.”
“You can‘t, there is no cure.” There Beth’s voice gave way, and clinging to her sister, she cried so despairingly that Jo was frightened.
“Where is it? Shall I call Mother?”
Beth did not answer the first question, but in the dark one hand went involuntarily to her heart as if the pain were there, with the other she held Jo fast, whispering eagerly, “No, no, don’t call her, don’t tell her. I shall be better soon. Lie down here and ‘poor’ my head. I’ll be quiet and go to sleep, indeed I will.”
Jo obeyed, but as her hand went softly to and fro across Beth’s hot forehead and wet eyelids, her heart was very full and she longed to speak. But young as she was, Jo had learned that hearts, like flowers, cannot be rudely handled, but must open naturally; so though she believed she knew the cause of Beth’s new pain, she only said, in her tenderest tone, “Does anything trouble you, deary?”
“Yes, Jo,” after a long pause.
“Wouldn’t it comfort you to tell me what it is?”
“Not now, not yet.”
“Then I won’t ask, but remember, Bethy, that Mother and Jo are always glad to hear and help you, if they can.”