Love Sex Music by Michelle A. Valentine
I know she’s used to me eating with the group every night, but I had a lot of things on my mind and needed some alone time to process everything that’s happened since Peter came to visit and I had a chat with Pop. I don’t need her knowing that my head is a little fucked up right now. “I’ve been working on some songs—haven’t had much time for anything else.”
Her pink lips pull into a tight line. The expression on her face tells me she has her doubts about my story. “Did I do something wrong?”
My eyebrows draw in, and I suddenly feel like an even bigger ass. “No. Why would you think that?”
She chews on her bottom lip as she considers her next words. “It’s the feeling I get—like you’re avoiding me on purpose.”
I turn my attention back to the ivory keys in front of me. I could lie to her and tell her I haven’t, but she’d see right through my bullshit. I have been keeping my distance.
“You can’t even give me an answer?” she pushes.
There’s a strain in her voice, and I don’t like the idea of hurting her, but so much is riding on doing what’s best for this group. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.
“I don’t want things to be this way,” I mumble, not realizing I’ve allowed my thoughts to slip out. This time, I turn to face her head-on because she deserves my full attention. “You and I … we shouldn’t be together.”
Her bottom lip quivers, and I hate myself for hurting her, but I don’t know how I can soften the fact I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. Her pain … it’s my fault.
I want to fix it.
I want to make it better, but doing so means letting others I love down. Pop and Peter … they can’t see inside me and know how I feel for this woman. They’ve known me a long time, and have witnessed my self-destruction and won’t believe this time—this relationship—will be any different. Drea isn’t like the women I’ve been with before in this business. She won’t drag me down. She’s not into the drug scene, but people around me don’t know her as I do. All they see is me being selfish, as I have been most of my life, and going for what I want, instead of taking a step back and thinking of the good of others. My priority should be The Vixens and what they need.
I want my father to be proud. I want him to know I’m a changed man, and if by stepping back and depriving myself of the one thing I want most to prove I’m not rushing into anything is what it takes, then I’ll do it.
Still doesn’t mean I’m not dying inside right now as I peer into the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen and know I’m crushing her.
“But … I thought.” This time she pauses. “I opened up to you—shared things. Was everything you said to me bullshit?”
I swallow hard. “No. I meant everything I said to you.”
“I trusted you.” There’s a quiver in her voice, and it tells me she’s seconds away from bursting into tears.
I reach for her as the urge to comfort her surges through me.
“Don’t!” She bats my hand away. “I get it. I was a convenient piece of ass. Nothing more.”
“It’s not like that!” I plead. “You’re special to me.”
She wraps her arms around herself. “Special, huh? Is that what you say to all the women you get tired of sleeping with?”
“You knew this would be complicated for me. You said yourself you knew what I had at risk.” I squeeze my eyes shut and wish things didn’t have to be this way, but I don’t know any other way around it. “No one wants us to be together, Drea. Peter … my father … they both have voiced their suspicions that I’m with you. They’re both against the idea. Being together … it’s a disservice to ourselves and to the group.”
“A disservice? What in the hell does that even mean, Laz? You don’t have to make up some ridiculous story if all you wanted was to sleep with me. Just tell me the truth!”
“That is the truth!” I stand and shove my hands in my pockets to keep myself from reaching out and pulling her to me so I can comfort her. “It means people will believe I made you the lead of this group because we’re having sex, which is total bullshit. You have more talent in your pinky finger than most of these girls have in their entire body, but people would still believe the gossip mill versus believing the truth. Your voice—your singing ability—it’s the truth. Peter wants Annamea to be the lead, and I’ve refused to make that happen. Peter told my father that I’m fucking up—that you have clouded my vision on what’s best for the group. Peter thinks making you the lead is a mistake, and I have to prove him wrong. I don’t want to let my father or you down. The only way people will realize that’s not why I picked you is for me to keep my distance and allow your talent to speak for itself.”
“So ignoring me is what’s best for me?”
“Yes,” I confirm, hoping she sees where I’m coming from. “I’m trying to do what’s best for you, instead of being selfish and saying fuck what everyone else wants and take you anyway.”
“What if that’s all I want too?” she asks as she stares up at me. “What if I don’t care what everyone else thinks because all I want is to be with you?”
This time, I can’t help but reach out and cradle her face in my hands. “Don’t tempt me. For once in my life, I’m trying to put others first. God knows how much I want you—dream about you every night—but I don’t want to become a regret for you. I don’t want to be the person who steals your dreams because I’m so fucking into you that nothing else matters but being with you. Despite what this seems like, I am doing this for you. I don’t give a shit about what happens to me. I’ve already had my shot in this business, and I fucked it up, but you haven’t, and I refuse to ruin this for you. I’m trying not to be a selfish bastard anymore.”
A single tear runs down her cheek, and it’s quickly followed by another. “You’re already ruining everything.”
“Drea …” Before I can say anything else, she pulls back and walks out the door.
I’m tempted to chase after her, but I don’t. It won’t do any good because I can’t do anything to make the situation better. The best I can hope for is her forgiveness someday and that she can still work with me even though I’m the world’s biggest asshole.
27
Alone Again
Drea
My heart races as I make my way down the long hall to the dance studio. This is my first one-on-one scheduled session this week, and I’m not sure what to expect. Laz has kept to his word, avoiding me like the damn plague, and I’m doing my best to respect his wishes, but I’m not one to instantly cut off my feelings. Every time I see him, my body instantly craves his nearness.
I miss him.
It’s been a long time since I opened up to anyone, and honestly, it was nice to let out some of that pent-up emotion. Laz was able to give me a different perspective when it came to my son, and it was refreshing. It helped me to hate myself a little less knowing maybe I did the best thing after all.
I push open the door, and my heart sinks. There’s no Laz in sight. Instead, there’s another familiar face that I’ve become comfortable working with. “Hey, Laurie.”
She fumbles around with her phone, not taking the time to make eye contact with me before deep bass plays through the studio speakers. “You ready to work?”
I nod as I pull my arm across my chest in a full stretch. “Ready as I’ll ever be. Not sure if I’m ready for you yet.”
Her lips twist, and she raises one eyebrow as she joins me with warming up. “That’s not what I’ve heard. According to Laz, you are. He says you’ve come a long way and no longer need solo sessions with him, so I’m here to put you to the test. If I feel that you’ve caught up to the rest of the girls’ skill level, all these extra sessions will end, and you can go back to group voice coaching with the rest of the group during this time.”
I blink slowly a couple of times as I process what she’s said. Questions burn inside me, but I don’t dare voice them. This could be Laz’s way of trying to put more distance betwe
“Aww. Come on,” Laurie says as she takes in the expression on my face. “Don’t be scared. Laz wouldn’t tell me you’re ready unless you are.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” I mumble.
She smacks her hands together. “Let’s find out then, shall we?” She turns and faces the mirror, turning her back to me. “Here we go.”
My palms sweat as I study the routine she’s putting together. After I observe her through one round of the routine, my feet fall in step with hers, mimicking what she’s doing. The gyrating moves come naturally to me as I focus on the steps and move my arms fluently.
“Yes, Drea!” Laurie praises. “That’s it, girl!”
I continue to kick, jump, and push my way through the routine, watching myself in the mirror the entire time. It occurs to me the girl I’m seeing doesn’t resemble the shy person who couldn’t dance when I first auditioned for this group. Instead, I see a confident woman who isn’t afraid to make eye contact with whoever is in front of her. I’ve changed since I arrived here, and in large part, that’s thanks to Laz for making me feel sexy and wanted. He helped me to believe in myself, and I wish he was here to see me now because he’s the only person I’m thinking about. This dance is for him.
28
Nailed It
Lazarus
I press the button so I can speak to the girls inside the booth. “Are you ready?”
The four of them stare back at me through the glass and nod their heads while wearing headphones. My gaze flits to Drea, and she gives me a thumbs-up. That’s the most communication we’ve had these days.
I wish things didn’t have to be this way.
I’ve done my best to keep my distance. It took some pleading on my part, but I talked Laurie into stepping in and taking over Drea’s dance training. I’m not sure Laurie bought my excuse of song writing with Cam, but she didn’t push me on the reasons I couldn’t teach Drea one on one anymore.
“All right,” I say. “Here we go.” When I flip the switches, the bass begins to play in the headphones, and I know the girls hear the same beat as I do.
The song came to me the night after I was with Drea. She totally inspired me and was my inspiration for the theme of the song, only I couldn’t finish it once I told her we couldn’t be together.
If it weren’t for Cam coming in and helping me pull the song together, we would’ve never made it inside this booth in time to get a single recorded on schedule.
The hi-hat ticks in time with the bass, and my gaze locks with Drea’s as I count down the beat, alerting her when to sing.
She looks down at the lyric sheet in her hands and then avoids my stare as she opens her mouth to sing. Every word flows like magic. Even when I pictured her singing this in my head, it didn't sound as good as it does right now. This song is going be a monster fucking hit.
Drea’s words flow like butter, and if anybody in this room didn't know that she was a star, they do now. Her talent is undeniable. Her voice … I haven't heard one like that since Whitney. Once the world gets a taste of her, it will be in love. Something about her draws me in even though I know it’s wrong and completely fucked up of me, considering I’m the one who pushed her away. I still crave her.
Pushing her away has only intensified how much I want her.
Drea is still a bit hesitant about her talent, but once she realizes how spectacular she is, the world had better watch the fuck out because she’ll be a mega star. I just wish she had enough confidence to see it herself. It sucks that our relationship is so strained because I would love nothing more than to be her personal cheerleader, reminding her of how spectacular she is.
When we finish laying down the last vocal tracks down, I turn to look at Cam and find him smiling at me. “What?”
“Don't what me, you son of a bitch. You know you fucking nailed this one.”
“We did it,” I correct him. “This song was a joint effort.”
He waves me off. “I just added a few lines. All the hard work was done on your time. But the girls … wow! Their voices …” It’s clear he’s in awe right now as he pauses and smiles. “Our girls are the shit, man.”
I chuckle at my best friend. He's always so blunt, but it's my favorite quality about him. “I agree. I think we’ve got a hit on our hands.”
“Hell yes, we do. These girls are ready for the road. I'm telling you, they're ready.”
“I don't know about all that, but they’ve definitely come a long way. We’ve got to tighten up those dance moves before we put them out there again. The last performance wasn’t bad, but it could’ve gone a whole hell of a lot better.”
“That's why they have a badass dance instructor, right, Laurie?” Cam and I both turned to look at Laurie.
Her face lights up with a huge grin. She’s always found Cam amusing. “Flattery will get you everywhere with me.”
He smiles and then nudges me. “Told you I know my way with the ladies.”
Laurie walks over and then leans against the soundboard to address me. “I'm impressed. I think this group has really got something. You should be proud of everything you've done with them.”
My eyes flit back and forth between Laurie and Cam. “This was a team effort. I couldn't have done all this without the two of you. I'm really grateful for your help.”
“We’re your friends,” Cam says simply. “You can always count on us.”
“Thanks, guys.” I’m truly thankful for these two amazing people. Unlike everyone else who said they were my friend in this business, Cam and Laurie stuck by my side. Everyone else dropped me like a bad habit once my star dulled.
“All right. Enough of this mushy shit. Let's get them to work with Laurie. I want to see what they got.” Cam presses the button to talk to the women in the recording booth. “That’s a wrap on The Vixens very first single. Get your sexy asses in here.”
They’re glowing with excitement when they file into the room. Everyone is euphoric after wrapping the group’s first song. It finally feels like everything is coming together.
I lean back in my chair as I turn to address the group. “Step one is complete. We’ve cut the song. Now, the real work begins. Laurie is going to help you polish the routine you’ve been working on for the past two weeks because we’re going to shoot a video. It’s time to get the world buzzing about The Vixens.”
The room fills with squeals. Shit is finally getting real for them.
I can’t stop my gaze from falling on Drea. The rest of the people in the room are too busy celebrating to notice the pain I see when my eyes meet hers. I’ve hurt her badly, and I feel like a real asshole for it.
I want to tell her I’m sorry and I miss her, but I’m not sure it will do any good because we can’t be together.
“Five. Six. Seven. Eight.” Laurie counts out the beat before going right into the routine. She watches in the mirror as the group follows her lead.
Laurie moves her feet quickly in a pattern of complicated steps, but unlike the first time she worked with them, the women can keep up with her. Even Drea.
I can’t help smiling as I see how far Drea has come. It appears the one-on-one sessions have made a huge difference. One would never know how bad she was when we began all this by watching her now. She looks like a seasoned pro.
When the song ends, Laurie looks over at Cam. “One more time from the top and give them some mics. Let’s see how they do with a mock performance.”
I sit back and do my part as a spectator. This is Laurie’s zone of expertise, so I keep my mouth shut and let her run it as she sees fit.
Cam hands all the girls a microphone, and when he hands Candace one, he takes a minute to lean in to whisper in her ear, which earns him an eye roll from her.
I shake my head as he walks back to where I’m sitting.
“What?” he qu
“I don’t think your mother meant for you to be a stalker.”
He waves me off dismissively. “Candace loves the hell out of me. She just hasn’t realized it yet.”
Laurie counts them down again, and Cam and I sit in amazement as we watch the group we’ve created really come to life. I can envision Drea center stage at a sold-out arena, captivating the crowd with her energy, beauty, and angelic voice just as she does me every time I see her perform. This group is coming together better than I imagined.
I lock onto Drea’s dark brown eyes, and I know she’s dancing for me. The way she’s looking at me reminds me of when we were alone in this room. The time when she started dancing for me and then it ended with me buried deep inside her while I sat in this very chair. All those memories cause my dick to jerk inside my jeans.
God, how I wish things were different. I wish people could see inside me, and see how sincere I am—that being with Drea is nothing like the last times I fucked around with random women. Drea means something to me. She’s different, but she’s not the one people are scrutinizing. It’s me they don’t believe has changed. It’s me they don’t trust.
I’ve done some fucked up things in my past, and it’s going to take a long time for me to prove I’m changing and not the same man I was. And right now, that means denying myself Drea even though I want her so damn bad every inch of me burns to touch her.
“Yes, Drea! All your hard work shows, girl!” Laurie cheers as she studies the four women moving in sync. “Now we’re looking like a group of badass, confident women.”
When the last beat of the song plays, the girls freeze. Cam cheers like an idiot next to me while Laurie praises each one of them individually, and I sit there staring at Drea with a huge smile on my face.