My Friend Leonard by James Frey
The movie ends the crowd claps. I stay in my seat in the back row while people file out of the theater. When they’re gone and I am alone, I stand and I walk out. My parents, Liza, Leonard and a blond woman with Leonard are waiting for me. They all hug me congratulate me tell me it went great, tell me they’re proud of me.
We walk to the party, which is at a nearby restaurant. As we walk, I meet the woman with Leonard, her name is Betty. She’s tall, thin, probably in her forties but looks younger, she’s wearing an expensive white silk suit and large diamond studs in her ears and a Cartier watch. I shake her hand it’s soft, she smiles easily and often.
We arrive at the party. It’s crowded Leonard finds a table for himself and Betty and my parents. I walk around thank people for coming. Occasionally I stop by the table I hear bits and pieces of conversation. I hear Leonard talking to my parents he says I see him every week he’s doing great. I hear him say I’m legit now, no more danger, no more illegality, I’m one hundred percent legit. I hear him say to my father I have a bunch of idiots working for me, complete and total idiots. I hear him say it’ll be great, I’ll pay you a fortune, a fortune, and you can live wherever you want, anywhere in the world. I watch my parents and Leonard and Betty from across the room. Leonard and my father look like they’re engaged in a serious conversation, my mom and Betty are laughing and smiling. It’s strange to see, my mom and dad and my criminal friend from rehab and his girlfriend sitting at a table together. Fucking strange.
At the end of the night I have a stack of business cards, people who said great work give me a call maybe we can do something together. My jaw hurts I’m not used to talking so much, I don’t like talking so much. I’m glad this is over it seems to have been a success. I find Liza and Mitch and I thank them, thank them, thank them. I find my parents and Leonard tell them it’s time to go we leave.
We walk to the cars we are all parked in the same place. I thank Leonard for coming he tells me he’s proud of me. I tell Betty it was nice to meet her, that I hope we see each other again, she says the same thing to me. They get in Leonard’s car and drive away. My Parents and I get in my car, I start driving them to their hotel. My father speaks.
Your friend Leonard is an interesting fellow.
Yeah, but you knew that already.
You know what he was talking to me about?
I’m scared to ask.
My mom starts laughing.
What’s so funny, Mom?
She shakes her head, giggles.
What’d he say?
He wants me to come work for him.
I laugh, speak.
What’s he want you to do?
Work for his phone company.
I laugh again.
You gonna do it?
I’m actually tempted.
No way.
My Mom speaks.
You should have heard his offer.
An offer you couldn’t refuse?
My Dad laughs, speaks.
He said he stopped making those.
Yeah. So what was it?
A huge amount of money for six to twelve months of work.
Really?
My mom speaks.
It was a crazy amount of money.
Why only six to twelve months?
My Dad speaks.
He wouldn’t say.
What would you do?
He wouldn’t say that either.
Did he say anything?
That he needed someone he could trust who was outside of his organization and had extensive international business experience.
That’s weird.
My mom speaks.
He’s not exactly normal, James.
I chuckle.
Yeah.
I drop them off at their hotel. Leonard calls my Dad again the next day, says he would really love my Dad to reconsider his offer. My Dad says no thank you, Leonard, though I appreciate you thinking about me. I spend the next two days with my parents. We go to the beach, walk around Beverly Hills, eat at nice restaurants. I take them to my house when Jaylen and Tommy aren’t there, they both think it sucks, when they say it I laugh. It’s a good two days, it gets better with them every time we see each other. I take them to the airport my Mom cries tells me how proud of me she is, my Dad tells me to keep it up.
I call the people who gave me their business cards. Some of them take my calls some of them don’t, some of them say they liked the movie, some of them dance around saying anything about the movie.
Tommy and Jaylen run low on funds can’t afford weed anymore so they start growing it in our backyard.
Leonard cancels our Wednesday lunch once twice three straight times. He doesn’t tell me why, just calls and says he can’t make it.
I send my script to a dozen people two dozen people. I call them, follow up with them, a few of them like it, a few of them don’t like it, nothing happens either way.
Cassius keeps growing it’s shocking how fast he’s growing. He still goes everywhere with me rides shotgun in the truck sleeps in my bed. Though he now looks like a large menacing pitbull he is a baby baby baby. He loves to give kisses, play tug-of-war, chase a ball, he’ll do anything for a treat he’s a huge musclebound baby.
I take a job working as a production assistant. It’s shitty work I drive around all day running errands for an asshole director who thinks he’s saving the world with a shaving cream commercial.
Leonard cancels a fourth time, fifth time, sixth time. I wonder if something bad is happening or if he’s just busy when I ask him he says he can’t talk about it yet, he’ll tell me when he can.
Tommy and Jaylen start selling the weed they’re growing they figure it’s easier than working. Our phone rings constantly there is a steady stream of people in and out of the house dull-eyed, slow-speaking, potato-chip-eating people.
A producer calls he read my script says he loves it. I’ve heard this before heard producers say they love it and I never hear from them again. I ask him if he’s going to blow smoke up my ass or actually do something, he says he wants to buy it and make it. I ask him how much he gives me a number I say fucking sold, my friend, it is all yours.
Cassius and I move out.
My new house is in Laurel Canyon, which is a small neighborhood in the Hollywood Hills. There is one road into the canyon. The road is off Sunset, it is a two lane road that twists turns and is lined with huge overhanging trees and walls of rock. Houses built on stilts dot the rock, once you’re into the canyon there are two roads that lead up further. The first road sits at a small intersection, there’s a stoplight, a convenience store, a pizza place and a real estate office, the second road is several hundred yards up, there is a stoplight and the ruins of a stone mansion. The canyon is heavily wooded with pines oaks maples and cypress. It does not look like the rest of Los Angeles, it’s cool dark and quiet, more like a forest than a city.
I live in a small house at the top of the first road. My house is pink stucco it has two bedrooms a bathroom a kitchen a living room. It has a small backyard that is dug out of the side of a hill, three cement walls hold the hill back and enclose the space. I don’t have much furniture a mattress and a desk, I buy a futon and a television and a stereo. My neighbors are friendly say hello I recognize one of them as a drummer for a heavy metal band there’s always noise coming from his house. I recognize another as a famous female porn performer there is always noise coming from her house. The couple next door are in their thirties, she’s an actress, he’s a composer. They’re a brand of hippie found only in LA, they drive a Mercedes but say things like groovy, far out and dig it, man, dig it hard.
Cassius and I are happy here we have a mellow life. I go back to trying to write a book no progress, he sleeps in the backyard chases flies tries to eat them. We take long walks through the hills. We watch TV on our futon. We get food from the store at the bottom of the hill, I like canned ravioli and fruit punch, Cassius likes beef-flavored kibble.
It’s aftern
Open the door, my son.
I open the door. Leonard and Snapper stand in front of me.
Leonard speaks.
Your new house, it’s a fucking palace.
I laugh.
Come on in.
They step inside. Cassius greets them both with a kiss on the hand he knows them they say hello to him. I speak.
You want something to drink?
What do you have?
I got coffee, and I got some beer and cola in the fridge.
Leonard speaks.
Cola please.
I look at Snapper. He speaks.
Why you got beer?
In case someone comes over and wants to drink it.
It don’t bother you having it here?
I could give a shit. If I were gonna get drunk, I’d drink something a lot stronger than fucking beer.
He laughs.
I gotta drive. I’ll have a cola too.
I get the colas from the fridge, hand them to Leonard and Snapper, speak.
What are you guys doing here?
Leonard speaks.
You never invited us up, so we decided to stop by.
Snapper speaks.
It hurt a little, Kid, the no invite thing.
I speak.
I figured you knew there’s an open invitation, and I figured you’d stop by when you wanted to whether there was an invitation or not.
Leonard speaks.
You’re right, we would.
Snapper speaks.
Invitations are still nice, though.
I speak.
From now on you’re invited whenever you want.
Leonard speaks.
You got any plans tonight?
Nope.
Cassius have any?
I look at Cassius, who is back on the futon.
You got any plans tonight, Big Boy?
Cassius looks up, doesn’t say anything. I look back at Leonard, speak.
I think he’s free.
Leonard speaks.
Good, you’re coming with us.
Where we going?
Las Vegas. I’m getting rid of my place there. I want to show you a night on the town before I leave.
You’re moving?
Going to live at the beach house full time.
I look at Snapper.
You moving too?
I got a girlfriend in Vegas. I’m probably gonna split time between the two places.
You’ve got a girlfriend?
Don’t sound so surprised. Lots of women like me.
Leonard speaks.
She’s nice, works as an accountant for one of the casinos.
I speak.
Can I meet her?
Snapper speaks.
Maybe. I’ll see what she’s doing tonight.
Leonard speaks.
If we get there by tonight. Come on, let’s go.
And you’re sure Cassius can come?
Does he want to come?
I look at Cassius, speak.
You want to go to Vegas, Cassius?
He looks up at me again. I look back at Leonard.
He doesn’t know those words. I’ve got to ask him another way.
I turn back to Cassius.
You want to go bye-bye in the car, Big Boy?
Cassius immediately jumps off the couch, runs over to me, starts panting, turning in circles. I look back at Leonard.
Do I need anything?
Everything will be taken care of.
Cool.
I put Cassius on a leash we walk out of my house get into Leonard’s Mercedes start driving. The drive is simple. As soon as we’re out of Los Angeles it’s one long road that cuts through open, desolate desert. Leonard says he wants to set the mood so we listen to Frank Sinatra. Cassius sticks his face out the window, occasionally brings it back into the car and snorts and sneezes, immediately sticks it back out. The drive takes four and a half hours if you drive the speed limit, after three we start to see a dim glow hovering along the horizon. Leonard points it out, speaks.
There it is, that mean and wondrous wench. The best place and worst place in America, a place where dreams come true, where people are destroyed, a place that doesn’t care about the past and is a vision of the future, where capitalism is displayed in all of its glory and horror, where everything and anything can be bought, sold, traded or stolen, where some of the smartest and most ambitious people in the country come to make their fortunes, where some of the absolute worst and most despicable people in the country come to make their fortunes. It is corrupt, dirty and disgusting, and in five hundred years its massive buildings, thought of as garish and ridiculous, will be considered marvels. It is a giant carnival devoted to the glory of money and everything money can do, both good and evil, and there is plenty of both.
The dim grows and starts to form itself, becomes an outline of light. We pass bush league casinos on the side of the highway places for people who can’t wait to get to the big casinos or need to make one last bet on their way out, we pass lonely gas stations, a ramshackle souvenir shop, one or two fast food restaurants. The light rises becomes brighter more defined, and very suddenly, we cross a line that separates an empty desert from a manic city.
We turn onto the strip. Both sides of the street are lined with massive, sprawling buildings covered in neon it’s night and dark but looks like it’s day. Leonard looks back at me.
Welcome to the Strip.
Wow.
When you see someplace you want to stay, let me know.
Aren’t we staying at your house?
My house is a mess, all packed-up, boxes everywhere. I’ve been living in hotels.
Where?
All over the place. I move all the time, think it’s nice to mix it up.
What do you recommend?
Whatever catches your eye.
I look out the window. Cassius climbs on my lap he looks out the window I ask him where he wants to stay he licks my face. We drive I see a huge black pyramid bigger than those in Egypt lights twinkling behind it. I see a ridiculous version of King Arthur’s castle. I see New York City rebuilt a roller coaster winds its way through skyscrapers. I see what Leonard says is the biggest hotel in the world five thousand rooms every one offering the finest amenities. I see Monte Carlo, New Orleans, a hotel for pirates, a pink flamingo and a palace built in the image of Rome, though it doesn’t look like the Rome I saw in Italy. I see the old-timey places, the new-timey places, big places giant places absurdly humongous places, rundown places sparkling places expensive places bottomed-out places. When we reach the end of the Strip we enter a dark area of grimy streets lined with convenience stores, hotels renting rooms by the hour, warehouses and hookers. I see another area of light a mile or so away I ask Leonard what it is, he says downtown Vegas. I ask him what it’s like he says faded, lost and forgotten. I turn back look down the strip it is a perpetual wall of light. I look at Leonard, speak.
Which place is the most ridiculous?
Leonard speaks.
That’s a tough question. What do you think, Snap?
Snapper speaks.
Excalibur has a magical medieval castle, a moat and a fire-breathing dragon. Circus Circus has exotic performing animals and the AdventureDome theme park. Mirage has the indoor jungle, Barbary Coast and Treasure Island are both full of pirates and buccaneers. They’re all fucking ridiculous.
Leonard looks back at me.
They’re all fucking ridiculous, my son. All of them.
Where do they have the best food?
Snapper speaks.
The Grand.
I agree. Best food is at the Grand.
Let’s go there.
Snapper nods pulls away we start driving back down the strip. I stare back out the window pay less attention to the buildings and more attention to the people, the hundreds of people thousands tens of thousands of people, on the sidewalks on footbridges that lead back and forth over the Strip in front of the casinos walking in and out. I stare at the people some looking around in awe some happily chatting some worried some quickly walking a few crying. I see Elvis, I see a couple just married he’s in a tux she’s in white, I see hookers lingering. I see a family hand-in-hand mother father four little children. I see a woman in a wheelchair an old man with a cane a blind man tapping a preacher pounding and screaming a hustler dealing cards people know they’re going to lose but they play anyway. I see old young white black yellow red rich poor they’re all looking for more more more, they’re all the same and they all want more.
We pull up to the Grand the entrance lives up to its name. As soon as the car stops it is surrounded by valets. Leonard waves them off, Snapper pulls away, parks the car. Instead of walking toward the doors, Leonard turns and walks toward the sidewalk. I have Cassius on a leash we follow him.
He stops, speaks.
I want to tell you something before we go inside.
Okay.
You see all this.
He motions up and down the strip.
Yeah, I see it.
It’s all a fucking charade. Built to lure you in, tempt you, tease you, make you starry-eyed and dumb, make you think it’s yours for the taking if you just throw down those next few bucks.
He turns to me.
You can do what you want, but the way I do it is I decide on a sum, the sum is an amount I won’t miss. I play it until I’m either happy with my winnings, or I lose it all. I never go over, never spend more. The reason I do this is because this . . .
He motions up and down the strip again.