Nobody’s Son by Cathy Glass
‘She’s not my mum,’ Alex replied tellingly.
And of course producing a reaction in us was most likely the reason Alex was running off – if we were worried and upset then it proved we cared. I told him often that we cared, but for a child like Alex who’d been badly let down and was convinced that no one loved him, seeing our concern was far more effective than me telling him: actions speak louder than words. Did he believe I cared? I didn’t know, but on Thursday morning I cut short our trip to the swimming pool, as Alex kept leaving the water and running off into the changing rooms, male and female. I couldn’t leave Adrian and Paula unsupervised in the water, so I had to keep getting everyone out of the pool to go and find him. It was very stressful, so after about thirty minutes of this I apologized to Adrian and Paula and said it was best if we all left.
‘It’s OK, Mum,’ Adrian said amicably. ‘I’ve had a nice swim.’ I knew he would have liked to have stayed longer, so I was touched and grateful that he was being so understanding.
The questionnaires for Alex’s review had arrived in the post on Tuesday morning. One for me and one for him. They were only short – ten or so questions, printed on a form for the carer and a child-friendly booklet for the child. The questions for the carer were around how the child was doing in the placement, while the booklet for the child asked how they felt about being in care and what life was like with their carer. I’d completed my form on Tuesday evening – it had taken about fifteen minutes – but I’d put off giving Alex his as I knew that there were at least two questions he would find upsetting: ‘What has gone well for you since your last review?’ ‘What hasn’t gone well?’
I usually sat with the child while they completed their booklet to help with any questions they couldn’t read or didn’t understand. Both forms would be handed to the independent reviewing officer (IRO) at the start of the review. As the foster carer I was expected to encourage the child to complete the booklet, so after dinner on Thursday, with the review the following morning, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. Once Adrian and Paula were occupied in the living room, I took Alex aside and, handing him the booklet, said we needed to fill it in now and that I’d help him if he wished. He knew what was involved from the reviews he’d attended before.
‘I’m not writing in that,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m not going to my review.’ He passed the booklet back.
‘I think we should try to answer a few questions,’ I said, opening the booklet to show him. The first one is easy: ‘Do you know why you’re in care?’
‘I’m not answering any,’ he said, and turned away.
‘What about if I do the writing and you tell me what to write?’ Which is what I’d done previously with some of the children I’d fostered, especially those with learning difficulties who couldn’t read or write.
‘No. I’m not telling you what to write,’ he said, and his face set. ‘They lie. They don’t care.’
‘They do care and they’d like to know what you think. But if you really don’t want to fill it in, OK.’ I wasn’t going to make an issue of it and I closed the booklet.
‘Can I go now?’ he asked.
‘Yes.’
He looked slightly surprised, perhaps thinking I was going to lecture him or stop his television, but managing a child’s behaviour is as much about what you can reasonably let go as what they have to do. So while it was crucial that Alex stopped running away, for his own safety, completing the booklet was desirable but not essential.
That night Alex didn’t have a nightmare as such but did a lot of sleep talking, clearly grappling with the issues he was having to deal with. One time when I went into his room to settle him I had to smile, as he was talking about his social worker being eaten by a lion. Simba? I reassured him there wasn’t a real lion and he went back to sleep. Dreams are nature’s way of cleansing the subconscious.
The following morning, by 10.15, I had the children settled at the table in the kitchen-cum-diner with lots of activities to keep them occupied while the review was taking place in the living room. LAC reviews tend to be formal wherever they are held, and Adrian and Paula knew that once everyone had arrived and the meeting was taking place we weren’t to be disturbed unless there was an emergency. Alex was still refusing to attend his review or speak to anyone who came to it.
Jill arrived first and as I took her coat she asked me how Alex’s behaviour had been since the last time we’d spoken. I said mixed. I’d go into more detail at the review. She looked in on the children to say hello. Adrian and Paula managed a small, shy hello, but Alex kept his head firmly down and, true to his word, said nothing. Debbie arrived next and as I took her coat I told her that Alex was refusing to attend his review and we hadn’t completed his questionnaire. ‘Perhaps he’ll join us later,’ she said. I showed her where the children were and she said, ‘Hi, how are you?’
Alex said nothing, while Adrian and Paula managed another small hello. Debbie joined Jill in the living room and I made them coffee. A few minutes later the independent reviewing officer (IRO), Lorraine, arrived. I hadn’t met her before, although I knew from the paperwork that she had been the reviewing officer at Alex’s previous, more recent reviews.
‘I certainly didn’t expect to be seeing Alex again so soon,’ Lorraine said regretfully.
‘No,’ I agreed. Once a child is adopted they are no longer in care, so no longer have reviews.
I took Lorraine through to Alex and she said hello and received the same response. We both joined Debbie and Jill in the living room. Lorraine didn’t want a coffee. The number of people attending a LAC review varies. There can be a room full, but today there would just be the four of us – five if Alex attended. His teacher would have normally been present, but because it was the half-term holiday she was away. Lin, who’d been present at Alex’s previous review – the last before the introductions to Rosemary and Edward had begun – wouldn’t be coming, as her involvement had finished with the end of the adoption.
I handed Lorraine the questionnaires, explaining that Alex hadn’t wanted to complete his, and sat down. Lorraine opened the meeting by asking us to introduce ourselves, which was usual at the start of all LAC reviews. She made a note of the date and time of the review and the names of those present, then recorded apologies for absence from Miss Cork and also from Shanice, who apparently was a member of the permanency team and had been invited but couldn’t attend. Debbie said she’d include Shanice’s progress in finding Alex a long-term foster family in her report. I felt there was a strange atmosphere as we sat there completing the formalities before the meeting began in earnest, which could best be described as reserved trepidation, perhaps defensiveness, as though we were on guard and bracing ourselves, for this was the first review since the adoption had failed and it wasn’t going to be easy.
‘I understand from Cathy that Alex doesn’t want to join us,’ Lorraine said, addressing us all. ‘I saw him before this meeting and I’ll see him again at the end.’ It was good practice for the IRO to at least see the child as part of the review. She drew a breath. ‘I was very sorry to learn that Alex’s adoption had failed, and so quickly.’ IROs are usually updated prior to a review. ‘I understand a disruption meeting will be held. Has a date been set for that yet?’ she asked Debbie.
‘Not yet, no,’ Debbie said.
‘I think the sooner the better, don’t you?’
‘I’ll speak to Lin and arrange it,’ Debbie said, making a note.
Lorraine now looked at me. ‘Thankfully, Alex was able to return here, or it would have been another new set of foster carers. How is he doing? Is he coping?’
‘Just,’ I said. I stopped, as a worrying thought occurred to me. ‘Sorry,’ I said, standing. ‘I won’t be a minute. I just need to check on something.’ Leaving them looking slightly bemused I went quickly down the hall to the front door where I checked that the latch was on, and then hurried through to the back door to make sure the key was out of reach, which it was. As I
‘Sorry,’ I said again as I took my seat. ‘I needed to check the doors. Alex has been running away and I now keep the latch down on the front door and the key out of the back door. We can get out in an emergency, but it gives me extra time to stop him if he tries to run away.’
‘Has he been trying to run away much?’ Lorraine asked, concerned.
‘Yes, and it’s on the increase.’ I then related the instances.
‘And he didn’t try to run away when he was here before?’ Lorraine asked.
‘No.’
She made a note and then looked at me again. ‘Please tell us more about Alex.’
When asked about a child I’m fostering I like to start with the positives – their strengths and what is going well for them, although at present for Alex that was going to be difficult. ‘Alex is eating well,’ I said, ‘and he sleeps reasonably well, although he has started having nightmares. He has good self-care skills – he washes and dresses himself, and his play is age-appropriate. He does his homework when asked, although his teacher said he had difficulty concentrating last week. There were also a few incidents at school – Alex became angry and tried to run away.’
‘As I remember he was doing well at school,’ Lorraine said, glancing up from writing to look at Debbie.
‘Yes, he was,’ Debbie said. ‘I have spoken to his teacher and the school is doing all they can to help him settle again.’
‘So this behaviour is a result of what happened with the Andrews?’ Andrews was the family name of Rosemary, Edward and James.
‘Yes,’ Debbie said. ‘It should pass once Alex recovers from his disappointment.’
Lorraine looked at me to continue.
‘I also have concerns that Alex may be depressed,’ I said. ‘Debbie is referring him to CAMHS.’
‘What makes you think he is depressed?’ Lorraine asked.
‘Alex has outbursts of anger, but most of the time he is very quiet and withdrawn. I include him in all activities, but nothing seems to interest him now.’
‘Does he talk to you about how he is feeling?’
‘Only a little. I think he is keeping a lot to himself. He’s obviously devastated by what happened. He was so looking forward to having a family of his own, and of course we told him it would be his last move.’
Lorraine nodded thoughtfully as she wrote and then asked Debbie, ‘Do we have an appointment yet for CAMHS?’
‘No. I’ve made the referral, but it could take two months. There is a waiting list and Alex’s case isn’t classified as urgent.’
Lorraine wrote. ‘This is all so sad,’ she said, voicing her thoughts. ‘It should never have happened.’ Then, looking at me: ‘You have two children. How does Alex get along with them?’
‘When he was here before they all played together nicely, but now he doesn’t want much to do with them. He sits with Adrian and Paula – as they are doing now – but he won’t be playing with them. He doesn’t talk to them much either. He is often in the same room as them but alone, if you know what I mean.’
Lorraine, Jill and Debbie nodded. Jill and Debbie were taking notes too.
‘Have there been any issues between Alex and Adrian?’ Lorraine asked.
‘No. Alex is very good at getting on with other children, or rather he used to be. I think he’s had to fit in with so many foster families that he knows about sharing and taking turns. He’s not a child who squabbles or is always demanding attention. I’m aware that the permanency team is looking for a long-term foster family where there are no siblings of a similar age to Alex, but I really don’t see that as an issue.’
Lorraine nodded as she wrote, and then said, ‘Thank you, Cathy. Is there anything else you would like to tell us about Alex?’
‘He does get angry sometimes, but that’s only to be expected.’ I then outlined the instances of his anger at home and the ones I knew about at school. ‘But that’s not the real Alex,’ I said. ‘He’s upset at present. I’m doing all I can to help him, but it breaks my heart to see him so unhappy.’ Embarrassingly, I teared up.
Lorraine smiled at me kindly. ‘Hopefully the referral to CAMHS will come through before too long.’ I nodded. ‘When I saw Alex at his last review it was clear then that he had all his hopes pinned on his new family,’ Lorraine said. ‘Do you think that finding a suitable long-term foster family will help him? He’s never had a family of his own and he obviously knows he’s only here temporarily.’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I suppose it might. I would offer to keep him, but I’m aware of the concern that Adrian is the same age.’
‘Thank you, Cathy,’ Lorraine said noncommittally. ‘And thank you for looking after Alex so well.’
It was Debbie’s turn to speak now. She began by giving an update on what had happened since the last review, including Alex’s first move to me, the introductions to Rosemary, Edward and James (which she said had gone well), Alex’s move to them and then the swift breakdown of the placement, and Alex’s return to me.
‘And their reasons were that Alex and James didn’t get along and that James was happier as an only child?’ Lorraine clarified.
Debbie nodded. ‘Rosemary said they’d made a big mistake in wanting to adopt at all.’
‘Some mistake,’ Lorraine said dryly, making a note. Then she looked up. ‘But sadly this is not the only case I’ve come across recently. Last month I was the reviewing officer for two brothers – aged six and seven – who were placed for adoption and then returned to care after only a week.’
Chapter Seventeen
Not to Blame
Debbie continued her report to the LAC review by confirming the changes in the care plan for Alex – that the permanency team were looking for a long-term foster family for him. She said that as they couldn’t find a suitable family locally they were widening their search (through independent fostering agencies) to other parts of the country. This is not unusual and some children in care end up living hundreds of miles from their place of origin because there isn’t a suitable carer nearer. None of us commented. The priority was to find Alex the right family, but I’m sure we all thought that a move out of the area would mean more disruption for him – leaving all that was familiar, including his school. And supposing that placement didn’t work out? It happens.
Lorraine nodded sombrely, noted what Debbie had said and then referred to her checklist to see what else she needed to include in the review.
‘Has Alex had any serious illnesses or accidents since his last review?’ she asked. Debbie confirmed he hadn’t and that his health checks were up to date.
‘Friends and family?’ Lorraine now asked. ‘Contact with his mother was stopped in preparation for the adoption. Does Alex have friends at school?’
‘Yes,’ Debbie said. ‘But I’m not sure he sees them out of school.’
‘I’ve asked Alex if he would like to invite a friend here,’ I said. ‘But he doesn’t want to at present. I’ll ask him again.’
‘Thank you,’ Lorraine said, and made a note. All the points raised would be revisited at the next review to see what progress had been made.
‘Any complaints from anyone?’ Lorraine now asked. It was a question the IRO was obliged to ask at the review.
‘No,’ Debbie confirmed.
‘No,’ Jill and I said.
Satisfied that she’d covered everything on her checklist, Lorraine now asked Jill if she would like to add anything to the review.
‘As Cathy’s support social worker I visit her at least every month and we speak on the phone in between when necessary. I didn’t see Alex when he was here before on the bridging placement, but I have seen him since. I think Cathy has given an accurate account of how he is at present. He’s upset and obviously has a lot to come to terms with. Cathy provides a high level of care for Alex and I know she will ask for help if she needs it.’
‘Thank you,’ Lor
‘I’ll go and see Alex now,’ Lorraine said. She tucked her notepad and pen into her bag and stood.
‘Would you like us all to come?’ Debbie asked, putting away her pad and pen.
‘No. I think it could be a bit overwhelming for Alex, as he’s feeling wobbly.’ This was sensitive of her. Most children in care take part in reviews far bigger than this one, with all the attention focused on them. They do incredibly well to cope with it.
‘That’s a lovely picture, Alex,’ we heard Lorraine say as she went in. ‘Can you tell me about it?’ There was no reply. ‘Do you like art at school?’ she asked. ‘Is that one of your favourite subjects?’ If Alex replied, it was too quiet for us to hear. ‘Do you remember who I am?’ Lorraine then tried, ‘We’ve met a few times before at your previous reviews.’ Nothing.
There was silence and then Paula ran into the living room, looking concerned, and jumped onto my lap. ‘There’s a strange lady in there talking to Alex,’ she said. Jill and Debbie laughed.