One Direction: Who We Are: Our Official Autobiography by One Direction
When I got the phone call that we’d got the Number 1, I was in my hotel room having a lie-in. The other lads had gone out somewhere and I’d just been catching up on some kip when the phone rang and someone from management said, ‘Zayn, great news. It’s Number 1!’ I didn’t want to go back to sleep after that call! It’s mad that we’d done something no other British band had done before. We knew it was a big deal, but there wasn’t really time for that sense of achievement to sink in – like with most of the stuff that’s happened in One Direction’s career, to be honest. As we carried on with promo, all the TV presenters, radio people and journalists kept saying, ‘One Direction is the first British band to début at Number 1 in the US,’ so over the course of a few weeks it gradually did start to register. It still feels amazing, though. You look back at all the incredible bands that haven’t done what we did, and it’s just a bizarre thing, really. I can’t really put it into words how that made me feel.
The rest of 2012 was just the most insane blizzard of events. We met Michelle Obama, we toured in support of the album all over, did loads of promo and TV – it was relentless. We were loving it, though. Tiring? Yes. Not enjoyable? Never.
A stand-out One Direction moment from that summer was obviously the Olympics. The performance was intense, as we were all standing on the back of a truck in that huge stadium with the eyes of the world watching. A couple of nights before the Olympics, my girlfriend was dyeing her hair peroxide blonde and I just said, ‘It will be funny to shove a bit of blond in my hair at the front!’ So I just did it for a bit of a laugh and made this big massive blond streak. Then I realised I’d the Olympics in a coupla days and I was like, ‘What am I gonna do?!’ I tried to style it out but it wasn’t happening, so in the end I just left it. Part of me was singing on that truck and thinking, I hope people don’t cuss me for this blond streak! Turned out people liked it. Then, bizarrely, Marvel Comics said that my look had inspired the new version of Ghost Rider. The blond streak is the fire that ignites from him, which is mad. I’m a big comic book fan – when I was a kid I was pretty geeky about all that. Obviously, I also have my ‘Zap!’ tattoo on my forearm, so when I heard about the new Ghost Rider that was pretty cool. I’ve since been to the Marvel Studios, which was an amazing experience.
Backstage at the Olympics was mad. These crazily famous people were coming and talking to me. I’ve grown up my whole life seeing them on TV and here they were just chatting away to us – the Spice Girls, Madness, Russell Brand, Liam Gallagher, properly famous people. Russell Brand was brilliant. He was saying, ‘Your performance was sick,’ and then he started giving me family planning advice! I was like, ‘Russell, you shouldn’t be giving me that sort of advice!’ He was hilarious, a really nice guy.
The Olympics was the start of a lot of craziness. It was when I started to realise that famous people – celebrities, high-profile individuals – recognised us. There were even a few who seemed shy around us, a bit nervous to meet us. How daft is that? Nuts!
Throughout all of this, we were writing for the second album. We did sessions in LA, Sweden and some work in London too. This time around we wanted to make the new album a bit more personal, put more of ourselves into it. We wanted to really make it our own. Part of that was ’cos we now knew that we’d have to sing these songs for years to come. I was very much of this opinion, and went, ‘These songs have to mean something to us. This is important.’
I was really happy with that album once we’d finished. Songs like ‘Live While We’re Young’ were, for me anyway, a real progression. It felt like there was a cooler edge to the record. There was still that energy, that buzz, but it had somehow evolved and, like the first album, the music really reflected where we were as a band and as five individuals at that point. We really enjoyed promoting that record, which I think is down to making sure the songs were totally personal.
This also made it all the more special when that second album hit Number 1 in so many countries. It was a vindication of our efforts – all that time spent writing songs on the road, the extra hours, and trying to find the right lyric or melody. It had all been worth it and we were really proud. To get another Number 1 in the States was also a big achievement – with the expectation for this record being on a whole other level to the first album, there had been pressure to succeed, but we kept our heads down, worked away and it panned out for us.
We’ve all spoken about Madison Square Garden before but it really was a special moment for the band. Not just us five, but everyone involved in One Direction. From my perspective it was quite an odd gig in terms of seeing these really famous people wanting to come and meet us. Chris Rock was there with his kids – that was exciting and he was really cool. You begin to realise these are just normal people with families of their own, and that the fame thing is just part of their job. Then the legendary film director Martin Scorsese walks into our dressing room. There’s not much you can say about that, is there?
This all injects an extra bit of adrenalin into the show. You might think that walking out on stage is all we have to do – and it’s certainly the most important part of the night – but before that we’ve been backstage meeting all these famous people, trying to acclimatise to chatting with these superstars, then doing maybe some promo, a soundcheck, meet-and-greets, getting ready, all that. You’ve gotta take all of this in and then make sure that when you get up on stage it’s perfect. That whole experience really adds to the whole vibe of a big gig like MSG or the Olympics. I love it.
Sometimes I’m not entirely comfortable with the high-profile nature of my job. I’m quite a private person, and I think that’s why when I was a kid I used to really enjoy acting. I loved the fact that when I was in a play or a musical I was playing a character, portraying someone else. In One Direction, though, I’m not playing a character. I’m just being myself, so that’s a completely different experience. That’s why I come across as more shy at times. I’m not being somebody else – I’m just myself. To a degree that means I’m more exposed. I understand that dynamic, but it’s OK. I really try to take care over what I say and do, as I really don’t want to offend anyone or cause problems, but that’s not always possible. People forget we’re just regular lads, growing up, and occasionally messing up. It can feel like a lot of pressure but what we’ve always tried to do is do our best by our fans. I just want to get on with our music. Writing, recording and performing – that’s what I enjoy most in all this.
I certainly don’t see myself as a celebrity. Why would I? I understand we’re in a high-profile band, but so what? In a way, I’m not even sure there is such a specific thing as a celebrity. You shouldn’t really have a tag just because you’re on telly or sing songs or act in films. I don’t think it’s even a cool tag to have, not like being a doctor or nurse or fireman, jobs like that. So it always bemuses me when people say they want to be a celebrity.
I wouldn’t ever want to be called a celebrity. The more I meet really famous people, the more I don’t see them in that way. They’re normal people. Famous people who I’m a fan of are important in my life, though. That’s because they’re influential to me, they’re people who I’ve taken or learned something from, or who’ve made me rethink something. If One Direction have any impact on people’s lives, then maybe that’s the best thing we can do – I’m not talking about being influential in politics or anything on that level. Maybe we can just have a positive impact on a few people’s lives. Maybe we’ll make them look at music in a different light. Maybe we’ll even make them want to write songs, sing live, perform. Or maybe we might just affect their lives in some small way that they appreciate and enjoy. That would be amazing.
After Christmas 2012 the work was only just beginning for the year ahead, because in 2013 we’d this massive tour planned to support the new album – in fact, around 130 shows in total. That tour was mad, simply because I don’t think I was really ready to go away for that length of time. In my own head I was still processing everything tha
I remember halfway through that tour it got a little difficult for me. One of the lads asked me what was up and I replied, ‘I’m just feeling really homesick and missing home.’ I was still really enjoying each gig and meeting the fans – that was never negative in any way – the lads would ask if I was OK and like I said, I’d reply, ‘I just miss my family.’ I craved being in my own home in my own surroundings. It’s funny how long jaunts on the road affect you – simple things like missing the comfort of sitting on your own sofa can become frustrating. It messes with your head sometimes.
But, just to be clear, I’d never complain about touring. We are 100 per cent grateful for everything we’ve been given. It’s just that occasionally it’s difficult to balance it with your life when you’re so young and don’t have much life experience.
That tour was a long time out on the road and, being completely open with you, it did occasionally take its toll on one or other of us at some point. At times I felt homesick, and I missed family and friends. As you guys know, by now I was also in a relationship with Perrie Edwards, someone very special to me – and so that was hard. When you’ve met someone who means so much to you, being away from them for long periods of time is really difficult. In August 2013 we got engaged – I know people are really interested in the details and our plans together, but I always prefer to keep that private. It’s just my nature to be like that. Back then, on tour for such a long spell, I missed Perrie really badly so there were times when, on a personal level, I was feeling pretty deflated.
Again, though, this was when the One Direction gang mentality came into its own. We’d just close ranks and pick up whoever was feeling homesick or tired or down, and off we’d go again. I’ve heard it said that the best bands are gangs, and I really believe that. We’re a gang and, whatever happens in the future, we’ll always be a gang. Even if in 50 years’ time, if one of us is doing a project without the others, I’d like to be there to support them.
By stark contrast to all the One Direction madness, we had a massive reality check when we went to Ghana for Comic Relief. That was just the most emotional, heartbreaking experience of my life. I’d never seen poverty like that and it was really hard to keep it together. I just came away from that thinking how lucky we all are to have the lives we do. Not just the lads in One Direction, I mean everyone who isn’t in that situation. That was the ultimate perspective among all this mad band stuff we were experiencing. It was a privilege to meet those people.
Throughout the year we’d also been filming the movie, This Is Us, with cameras following us pretty much the whole time on the road from the shows at the O2 onwards. For me, the movie idea was appealing in the sense that I’m a bit of a photo and video freak, a visual hoarder if you like. It was just drilled into me from when I was a kid to get photos, shoot video – my parents always said that this stuff is important. They were like crazy tourists with massive cameras hanging around their necks wherever we went, even just birthday parties at home. They always had a camera flashing or a video filming. They were constantly taking pictures of every move I made! I picked up on this and always get anxious if I think I’ve not captured something important. I like to keep memories of life.
So when the idea of a film of the band was presented to me, I was really excited because I thought in 15 years’ time we’d be able to look back on all this madness and have a brilliant record of what we’d done. It’s easy to remember the big moments, the massive gigs, the TV shows, award ceremonies and all that, but there’s so much other stuff that goes on that’s equally important in its own way. Mad things like messing about on the tour bus, dumb stuff backstage, the laughs we have. I’m usually trying to film it all, but for once it was great to have someone else thinking about the camera!
We had no dialogue, no scripts – the entire film was just captured as it happened. I didn’t care if they followed me to the toilet, although that might not have made the final cut, perhaps! Seriously, though, it was genuinely access all areas, as we were keen to make sure that the movie was as real as possible. In a way you might think that this would be tiring, but because we’re never trying to be anything other than what we naturally are, it was easy. We just did our stuff, and they happened to be there filming it.
What a buzz at the première too. That was ridiculous. I just look back on that movie and feel very proud to have made it and to have been in the position where a good number of people wanted to see it. I also look forward to that night in 15 or 20 years when I’ll sit down and watch it all back.
In typical One Direction style, so much has already happened since the film came out. For starters our third album, Midnight Memories, was really well received pretty much all over the world. There just seemed to be a constant increase in the momentum. Just as with the second album, where we’d been determined to get involved in the creative writing process, we also got stuck into writing on the third album. Even more so, in fact. That was harder in a sense because we were on the road so much throughout the year, but we somehow found the time by using mobile studios, improvised set-ups in hotel rooms, just writing all over the place. If you want something badly enough, you’ll find the time and the means.
We really wanted that third record to be a further progression and to represent where we were at that point in time. We’re never trying to force anything on anybody – we just wanna do what we’re doing in our own lives and talk about it through our music. ‘Story of My Life’ sums it all up really. I’d like to think people would agree our music is getting more mature with us – it’s a natural evolution. That’s the type of lads we are. We want our music to be right, and we wanna leave the right message and the right statement and be able to look back on it in ten years and go, ‘Yes, that’s exactly what we were feeling at that time.’ With Midnight Memories I think we got that right. I hope so, anyway.
We were feeling quite a bit of pressure this time, though. One Direction had enjoyed so much success in so many countries that there was absolutely no way of keeping expectations low this time around. Fortunately the album was a big hit, reaching Number 1 in tons of places across the world. We were so proud of the fans’ reaction to those songs. When you put yourself out there in that way, you’re a bit exposed. You’ll feel any criticism, so that was a big boost for us. Massive.
Ahead of the 2014 stadium tour, we’re all so excited. When we first saw the stage at rehearsals it was just stunning. That was a good day, a mad feeling. I didn’t know what to expect. I knew the stage was gonna be big, but not THAT big. It’s massive! There’s a film called Rock Star featuring Mark Wahlberg and our set reminds me of one of the stages in that film! I was like, ‘Lads, this stage looks sick!’
We had a little bit of a wobble when the tour was initially announced. We’d put out some promo saying there was going to be a big announcement, and then when we revealed our plans for the stadium tour there were a few people sniping at us, saying it was ‘One Big Disappointment’, a few negative comments online. Obviously, we’d been a little anxious that we could sell out such massive venues, so that was a bit of a worry. Then my phone rang and it was management. I assumed they were going to say, ‘Sorry, Zayn. You’ve over-reached yourselves, I’m afraid. Looks like we aren’t gonna sell these places out. We might need to downsize. It was too much of a jump after all. You’ve got to go back down to arenas for a few more years.’ But in fact they actually told me that instead of playing one Wembley Stadium gig we’d need to play three ’cos it was all sold out! That’s One Direction fans for you – the best in the world.
We’ve done two stadiums before, in Mexico, and so with that in mind I’m very excited – and a little bit nervous! – to find out what these colossal stadiums are going to be like to play. I remember one big amphitheatre gig in Verona r
When it came to show time I was still thinking it was all cool, then I ran out on to the stage and BOOM! This massive wall of energy hit me like a truck. Literally, this wave of noise, energy and excitement just smashed into me and completely took my breath away. The stage suddenly seemed enormous and the crowd was so vast I couldn’t compute what I was looking at. It was just insane. If I’m totally honest, I felt a little bit out of my depth. I know we’d played some big arenas and all that before, but this was something else. It was such a shock!
We were singing along to the first song and I was still a bit dazed. Then I looked around at the other lads and I was like, ‘Yo, lads! This is mad!’ We had a bit of a laugh about it and my nerves instantly started to recede. After that it was just the wildest gig.