Please Don't Take My Baby by Cathy Glass
‘Was I an accident?’
‘No. Absolutely not. I waited three years for you.’
‘Why did you have to wait, Mummy?’
‘Because sometimes it takes a long time to make a baby and sometimes it happens very quickly.’
‘But Jade didn’t have to wait, did she?’ Paula said, trying to clarify it in her mind and finally dipping the flannel into the water and dabbing her cheek.
‘No.’
‘Jade’s baby was an accident.’
‘Yes.’
‘But she’ll still love the baby when it’s born, won’t she?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. Because it’s horrible if someone has a baby and doesn’t love it. That would make me upset.’
I gave her a hug. ‘I know, love. Now finish washing. It’s well past your bedtime.’
By the time I’d seen Paula into bed and read her a story it was 8.15. I kissed her goodnight, came out and went downstairs, thinking it was asking a bit much to expect a lad of sixteen who was in the middle of enjoying a game to realize it was time to leave. Entering the sitting room, I saw the game was continuing; each player had a little pile of treasure chests that they had won. Toscha, as usual, had found a comfortable spot and was curled up on the sofa next to Jade, who was absently stroking her between turns.
‘It’s 8.15,’ I said gently as I entered.
‘Oh, Mum!’ Adrian cried. ‘Can’t we just finish this game?’
‘Oh, yeah, please let’s finish the game,’ Tyler said.
‘Five minutes and then you must pack away,’ I said. ‘You, Adrian and Paula have school tomorrow and Jade needs her rest.’
‘I’m OK,’ Jade said, clearly not wanting to be responsible for ending the game. ‘Can I have a packet of crisps?’
‘Yes, if you’re still hungry, although a piece of fruit would be better.’
Jade pulled a face. ‘I don’t do fruit,’ she said.
‘Nah, she don’t do fruit,’ Tyler agreed.
I thought Jade needed to ‘do’ some fruit, but didn’t say so. It was only her first evening with us and there’d be other times when I could help her eat more healthily. So I left the sitting room, went into the kitchen and returned with a large bag of assorted crisps.
‘We have these at home,’ Jade said as I offered her the bag and she took a packet of cheese-and-onion-flavoured crisps.
‘Yeah, so do we,’ Tyler said, taking a beef-flavoured packet.
Adrian, aware he didn’t normally have crisps just before bed, grinned sheepishly and quietly selected a packet of roast-chicken ones. The resulting aroma as the various flavours mingled set Toscha’s nose twitching. Although Adrian wasn’t normally allowed crisps just before bed it would have been unfair to leave him out, so I could see that one of the issues with fostering a child older than one’s own was that it could lead to double standards – with something being acceptable for a teenager but not for a younger child.
The game finished a few minutes later and they counted their treasure chests. Adrian had the most and had therefore won.
‘Well done,’ I said. ‘Let’s pack away the game now.’
‘I’ll beat you next time,’ Tyler said good-humouredly.
He helped Adrian pack the pieces into the box and closed the lid, but then sat back comfortably on the sofa and made no move to go. I now had to get Tyler off the sofa, to say goodnight and out the front door.
‘Your mum will be wondering where you are,’ I said, trying the subtle approach first.
‘Nah, she’s OK. She knows I’ll be back later.’
‘Good, but we did agree eight o’clock was the goodbye time and it’s nearly half past eight now,’ I said.
‘Oh yeah,’ Tyler said, clearly simply not realizing the time. He stood. ‘Well, thanks, missus. Thanks for dinner. It’s been very nice.’
I smiled. ‘You’re welcome, but call me Cathy. We’ll see you again soon.’ Then to Jade, I said: ‘Would you like to see Tyler out?’
Jade shuffled to the front of the sofa so that she could stand. Tyler reached out his hand and she took it. Then, in what appeared a familiar routine and was quite touching, he hauled her off the sofa with an exaggerated groan. ‘Ten-ton Tess!’ he joked. Adrian laughed but I wasn’t sure Jade appreciated Tyler’s humour; she didn’t laugh.
‘I’m going up to my room now,’ Adrian said. ‘See ya, Ty.’
‘Yeah, see ya soon,’ Tyler said, raising his hand so that Adrian could give him a high five.
‘I’ll be up shortly,’ I said to Adrian as he left the room. Then to Tyler, who was also on his way out: ‘Goodnight.’
‘Night,’ he called.
I waited in the sitting room while Jade went with Tyler down the hall to the front door. It went quiet, so I guessed they were having a goodnight kiss. Then I heard the front door open and it went quiet again. I felt the cold night air seep down the hall and into the sitting room, quickly cooling the house. I waited a minute longer and when there was no sound of the front door closing I called: ‘Could you shut the front door, please, while you’re saying goodnight? It’s making the house cold.’
‘I’m going,’ Tyler called easily.
There was another silence, during which the front door remained open; I assumed they were having a final goodnight kiss. Then I heard the door close and I went into the hall.
‘All right, love?’ I asked.
Jade was standing in the hall by the coat stand. She nodded. ‘Where’s my bag?’
‘I took it up to your room earlier. Would you like to unpack now? You’ll feel more at home with some of your belongings around you.’
‘Don’t mind,’ Jade said with a small shrug. ‘But I need me phone. It’s in me bag.’
‘Come on, I’ll show you where it is.’ I led the way upstairs and into Jade’s room, where I’d put the holdall on the floor. ‘Shall I help you unpack?’ I asked. Although Jade didn’t have many things with her – we were collecting more from her home the following day – I thought she might like some help, and it would also give me an opportunity to chat and get to know her.
‘No, I can do it.’ She squatted down, unzipped the holdall and took out her mobile.
‘Sure?’ I asked.
She nodded and concentrated on her phone.
‘I’ll leave you to it, then,’ I said. ‘Let me know if you need anything. Come down when you’re ready.’ I smiled and came out, leaving Jade sitting on the bed texting.
I knocked on Adrian’s door. ‘Are you getting ready for bed now?’ I asked quietly so that I didn’t disturb Paula in the next room. Adrian knew he had to be in bed by nine o’clock on a school night.
‘Yes,’ he replied.
‘Good. I’ll come up at nine to say goodnight.’
I checked Paula was asleep, closed her bedroom door and went downstairs to the kitchen, where I washed the dishes and cleared up while I waited for Jade to come down. She hadn’t much to unpack, so I was expecting to see her very soon, although I appreciated that at her age she might want some time to herself. When she hadn’t appeared by nine o’clock I went upstairs. Her bedroom door was ajar and the light was on, but I couldn’t hear any movement inside.
I knocked lightly. ‘Jade? Is everything all right?’
There was no response so I knocked again. ‘Jade? It’s Cathy. Can I come in?’
Still nothing, so I opened the door wider and went in. Jade was lying on the bed on her side, in her clothes and fast asleep with her mobile in her hand. Her bag was open on the floor but not unpacked. The poor kid must have been exhausted. I didn’t want to just leave her there for the night. Although she’d taken off her shoes it would be uncomfortable for her to sleep in her clothes, and without the routine of changing and getting into bed if she woke in the night she might wonder where she was.
Leaning slightly over her bed, I said: ‘Jade, it’s Cathy. Shall I help you to get changed and into bed? Are your night things in your bag?’ I guessed they would be but
Still nothing. She was clearly in a very deep sleep. I then decided it might be best to leave her for now to have a sleep. I’d cover her with the duvet, leave the light on low, and listen out for her. She’d probably wake before I went to bed. I reached to the foot of the bed and began drawing up the duvet. Suddenly I jumped with fright as a loud noise shot from the bed: a hundred decibels of rap, scaring me silly and blasting Jade awake.
‘Oh my god, Ty!’ she cried, waking, sitting and answering the phone with one movement. ‘I was asleep. Oh my god, where am I? Help!’
Chapter Five
Jade’s Story
‘You’re safe,’ I reassured Jade. ‘You’re with me – Cathy.’
‘Oh yeah,’ she said, now fully awake and realizing where she was.
‘That’s quite some ringtone,’ I said. ‘I nearly jumped out of my skin.’
‘I usually put it on silent at night but I fell asleep.’
‘I know you did, love. You must be exhausted. Let me help you unpack and then you can have an early night.’
Jade nodded and swung her legs off the bed. Tyler was still on the other end of the phone and Jade said to him: ‘I’ll phone you later, Ty. I’ve got to unpack.’
She closed the phone and put it on the pillow. She looked pale and tired, and my immediate concern was for her to have a good night’s sleep. ‘What time do you usually go to bed?’ I asked as she yawned.
‘Any time, really. It doesn’t matter. It was difficult sleeping in a single bed with Ty.’
I’d have thought it would have been impossible given the size of Jade’s bump, and contrary to what Jade said about bedtime not mattering, it did matter. I knew that in pregnancy it was just as important to have enough sleep as it was to have a good diet; otherwise the expectant mother could become run down.
‘I think you could do with an early night,’ I said. ‘How about you go to the bathroom and have a wash and change while I unpack your bag?’
‘Do I have to have a bath?’ Jade asked, as a small child would.
‘No, I think that can wait until the morning if you’re very tired. Just have a good wash and do your teeth, then have your bath tomorrow. You’re not in school, so there’s no rush in the morning.’
Jade nodded and yawned again.
‘Are your nightdress and wash bag in your bag?’ I asked.
She nodded, but remained sitting on the bed and making no move towards the holdall.
‘Shall I find them for you?’
‘Yeah, please.’
I unzipped the holdall and her wash bag and towel immediately came into view. I took them out and passed them to her. ‘Do you have a nightdress or pyjamas in here?’
‘I use those pink leggings and that T-shirt,’ she said, pointing to the items in the holdall.
I took out the wash-faded pink leggings and a very large pale pink T-shirt, on which was emblazoned a bright pink pig. I thought one of the first things I would buy Jade would be some maternity nightwear, which would be more comfortable and make her feel good.
‘You know where the bathroom is?’ I asked, passing her the leggings and T-shirt.
‘Yeah. You showed me earlier.’
I smiled. ‘There’s toothpaste and soap in there. Call me if you need anything. I’ll unpack the rest of your bag while you’re in the bathroom.’
I gave Jade my hand and helped her off the bed, and she ambled out of the bedroom and to the bathroom while I set about her unpacking. Jade didn’t appear to have any maternity wear at all but there were two more pairs of black stretch leggings and two big sloppy jumpers, which I supposed were just as good. They were clean, although bobbled from being worn and washed repeatedly. There was also a bra, some pants and six soft toys. Indeed most of the bag had been taken up with the cuddly toys: two teddy bears, a panda, a kangaroo, a monkey and a lion. They were clearly childhood favourites, for they were well worn and ear-chewed. I thought it said a lot about Jade that, being essentially a child herself, she’d packed these cuddly toys to the exclusion of practical items like more clothes. At the very bottom of the bag I found the antenatal appointment card that Rachel had mentioned. Opening it, I saw that Jade’s next appointment was scheduled for Wednesday at one o’clock, which was a good time, as it meant it didn’t clash with me collecting Paula from school.
I folded Jade’s clothes into the chest of drawers, arranged the toys on the bed and then zipped shut the now empty holdall. It would be useful to take with us tomorrow when we went to Jade’s house to collect some more of her belongings. I noticed there’d been no photograph of her family in her bag and I’d suggest to Jade she bring one from home. I’d found before with children I’d looked after that in all but the severest cases of abuse from parents, a child usually finds it reassuring to have a photograph of their natural family with them and on show.
I heard the bathroom door open and then Jade’s footsteps on the landing, and she reappeared. She was wearing the pink leggings and T-shirt that acted as her nightwear and, having had a wash and brushed her hair, she looked a little fresher, but she still looked tired.
‘I’ve put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket in the bathroom,’ she said.
‘Thanks, love. I do the laundry each morning. I’ve put your clean clothes in this drawer,’ I said, pointing. ‘And your cuddly toys are on the bed. You’ve got quite a collection there.’
Jade looked at her toys and smiled. It was the first time she’d smiled properly all evening and her whole face lit up. I thought she should smile more often, but then she was probably very anxious and worried about the future.
‘I love my cuddlies,’ she said touchingly, sitting on the bed and stroking the panda. ‘They’ve all got names. These are Bert and Betty Bear,’ she said, touching the two bears. They’re named after my aunt and uncle who died. The panda is called Chi Chi. I got her when I went to the zoo with the school. The kangaroo is Hoppity and the monkey is Melvin. My brother called him that. And the lion is Simba from The Lion King. I love that film.’
‘So do I,’ I said, smiling. ‘We all like our cuddlies here too, even Adrian, although he wouldn’t admit it.’
Jade nodded. ‘I’m going to buy my baby lots of cuddly toys. I’ve already started a collection at home.’
‘Have you started buying the other things you’ll need for the baby too?’ I asked. ‘There’s a lot to prepare for.’
‘I have some nappies but that’s all,’ Jade said. ‘I haven’t had much money. But now I’m in foster care I get an allowance, don’t I?’ And it crossed my mind (somewhat unkindly) that maybe this was the reason Jade had come into foster care. She wouldn’t be the first teenager to put herself in care, or whose parent(s) had purposely made her homeless, aware the state would find her somewhere to live, pay for her keep, and also give her an allowance. However, Jade quickly added: ‘But that’s not why I’m in care.’
‘Good. Because the allowance isn’t much. As soon as I receive it I’ll pass it on to you. But it’s only enough to cover essential items.’
‘Rachel said I need to get essential items and not spend any more on baby toys.’
‘Yes,’ I agreed. ‘There’s a lot to buy. Usually the hospital give you a list of what you need at one of the antenatal appointments.’
‘They might have,’ Jade said nonchalantly. ‘But I’ve lost it.’
‘No worries. We’ll get you a copy when we go for your appointment next week. I was also thinking we could go shopping together one day – buy you some maternity clothes and also some baby things. You want to be prepared well ahead of time.’
‘Yeah,’ Jade said. ‘Ty’s not interested in shopping, and Mum’s always
I felt that although Jade was tired she was in the mood to talk, so I sat on the bed next to her. ‘Being a mother keeps you very busy,’ I said. ‘Your mum has your younger brothers and sisters to look after.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ Jade said.
‘Do you know the sex of your baby?’ I asked out of interest. ‘Did they tell you at the hospital when you had your scan?’
Jade shook her head. ‘It was too early when I had the first scan. Then I missed the second scan. Ty wants a boy so he can play football and take him to see the matches, but I want a girl so we can talk and be best friends.’
I thought that while this was a delightful view of parenting it was also worryingly naïve and didn’t take into account the many years of hard work, patience and dedication that lay ahead for Jade (and Tyler). ‘Do you know when your next scan is?’ I asked.
Jade shook her head.
‘We’ll ask when we go to the clinic next week. Your appointment card is over there.’ I pointed to the bookshelf where I’d put the card. ‘I’ll make a note of the time and date in my diary too.’
‘I’m going to love my baby and give it lots of attention,’ Jade suddenly said. ‘I’ll show my mum she’s wrong.’
‘Wrong about what?’ I asked.
‘She wants me to give up my baby for adoption. What does she know?’
I thought Jade’s mother probably knew quite a lot about babies, considering she’d had five of her own, but I didn’t say so. It was important I kept the line of communication open to establish a relationship with Jade, and agreeing that her mother might have a point wouldn’t endear me to her.
‘Your mum’s probably worried how you’re going to cope,’ I said. ‘I know I would be if you were my daughter.’
‘I’ll manage, and I’m going to be a better mum than she is,’ Jade said. ‘I’m gonna give my kid everything it wants.’
Where to begin on the subject of parenting? I thought. I took a breath and chose my words carefully. ‘You know, Jade, part of being a good parent is that as well as giving your child love, attention and presents, you put in place boundaries and say no when you have to. That’s what makes a child grow up to be a responsible adult who knows right from wrong. If a parent doesn’t put in place boundaries, but gives in to the child all the time, the child grows up to be very self-centred and doesn’t know how to share or behave.’