Reap by Tillie Cole
My eyes dropped to stare at the floor when Kisa didn’t say anything in response. Why the fuck she was with me was a mystery to me. I was fucked in the head. I was irredeemable. She deserved better than me. She’d been forced to be with Alik Durov for years in my absence. And she’d hated it. He’d hurt her, made her life hell with his need for blood and violence.
I sucked in a painful breath. I wasn’t much of an improvement on that cunt. I needed those things, too. Probably just as much.
Suddenly Kisa crouched to the floor. Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and I immediately sagged into her chest.
“I love you, lyubov moya. Since birth and until the end,” she whispered, pushing any self-hatred I had to the side.
I sighed as she said exactly what I needed to hear and held her tight. “I love you, too, solnyshko. Always.”
Kisa leaned back, searching my face, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her again. I broke from her mouth and pressed my forehead against hers.
We stayed there awhile in silence until Kisa pulled back. I reached out and took hold of her wrist, suddenly remembering she’d been to the doctor this morning. I’d noticed she’d been sick and off color lately. It was worrying the hell out of me.
“How was your doctor’s appointment?” I asked.
Kisa stared at me, her blue eyes seeming to lose focus. With an abrupt squeeze of my hand in hers, she quickly smiled and said, “Just a stomach flu, baby. Nothing to worry about.”
I sighed in relief, and got to my feet. I offered her my hand, too. Sliding her palm over mine, Kisa got to her feet. I wrapped her in my arms. “I’m glad it’s nothing serious. I love you,” I whispered. “More than I know how to express.”
Kisa tensed for a brief moment, her breath hitching. Then she held me right back.
Chapter Thirteen
Zaal
They started off as images. Pictures of people and places I didn’t recognize. They began invading my dreams at night. I watched them as if I was standing on the side. People; men, women, children, both boys and girls. They were happy. They made me feel warm. There were two boys. They looked the same; same hair, same build, same face, but one had brown eyes and the other green.
I couldn’t erase their faces from my mind. But every time I thought about them really hard, red-hot pain would slice through my brain … then came other images … images of blood, of guns, of screams that tore my stomach apart. I couldn’t stand them. The screams ignited the fire in my veins, causing me to lose control. But a little girl’s screams were the worst.… She would scream and I would see two little arms reaching for me to help but something was holding me back … then the screams would stop and a pit would form in my stomach.
I wouldn’t be able to breathe, and my heart would break, impossible anger tearing me to shreds.
I lay in bed with Talia, my eyes wide open and my arms wrapped around her small waist. I didn’t want to close my eyes. I didn’t want to rest and have the dreams come back. I didn’t want them in my head. I had no idea what they meant but knew they made Talia cry.
She would always cry. When I didn’t understand what she wanted me to do, her eyes would fill with tears. She would look at me with her big brown eyes and go quiet.
I didn’t like her crying. My stomach would tighten and my chest would burn. I liked her smiling and when her lips would show her teeth. I liked the mole on her lower left cheek and when her long blond hair would lay over one shoulder. When she would stare at me, her cheeks flushing red. When she would put her hand on my face and cool my scolding blood. I liked it when she stroked my long hair, and when she kissed my lips, her tongue pushing inside my mouth.
I liked being with her, and not being with Master. I liked being free with Talia, in this protected house.
But my favorite was how she made me feel. How fast my heart would beat when she lay with me. How I could breathe when she held my hand, her thumb stroking the back of my hand.
And fucking her, though it was different from all the times before. It wasn’t the same with her as it was with Master’s females. I looked into her eyes. Her hand would stroke my back, then rake through my hair. It was slow. It meant something to me. When we were together I felt full. I only ever remember feeling numb and empty; killing and fucking for Master. Talia made me feel alive. There was no man in a white coat injecting me and making me feel nothing but rage. There was just Talia, and she was all I wanted.
Talia moved in my arms, her face coming into view. I drank in her face and my chest seemed to grow bigger. Her face looked peaceful as she slept. Her big eyes were closed, but still beautiful. Her little nose twitched as she dreamed. Her pink lips parted as she slowly breathed in and out, in and out.
I was tired. I fought the pull of sleep, but with Talia’s soothing breathing and warm touch against my body, my eyelids won the battle to close. As I drifted off, I held her to my chest, refusing to let her go.…
I lay in the sun by the stream. I loved being outside. I loved the feel of the sun on my face, of the birds singing in the trees.
I heard footsteps crunching the long grass behind me, and suddenly the sun was blocked from my face. I knew who it was, and I didn’t even open my eyes as I felt him before me. “Move,” I said. A foot kicked my leg. A laugh tore from my brother’s throat and I felt him drop down to lie beside me.
“You’re always out here,” he said. I rolled my head to the side and opened my eyes. His face, identical to mine, was looking right at me.
I shrugged. “I like the sun. I like the warmth. I hate the darkness. If I could live in forever sunshine, I would.”
My brother nodded with a smirk on his face, then looked up at the clouds in the sky. We were always together, him and I. Wherever he went, I went. Mama used to say we were a team, better together than we’d ever be apart.
“Papa’s called a meeting today,” he said. I closed my eyes. “He wants us to be with him. He’s meeting with the men from Kutaisi. They’re all coming here.”
A shiver ran down my spine. “I don’t want to go.” I thought of the head of that clan. “The man, the leader always stares at us. He makes me feel strange. I hate him.”
My brother was silent for a moment, then said, “I feel like that around him, too.”
I snapped my eyes open and turned to my side. My brother did the same, the two of us lying on our sides so we could talk. “You do?” I whispered.
“Yes. He … he makes shivers go down my spine.”
I took a deep breath and looked into my brother’s brown eyes. “I think Papa likes him.”
My brother’s eyes narrowed. “I think he does, too.”
“I don’t trust him,” I admitted. My brother reached out and laid his hand over mine.
“Nor do I.” I took a deep breath and I could feel my cheek twitch in nerves. “But we have to go. We have to become strong men to lead our clan.”
My brother released his hand and I stared at his face. “You’ll lead. You’re the oldest. You’re the heir.”
He laughed, and it made me smile. “By four minutes.”
I shrugged, but his hand squeezed mine. “No, brother. You’re my twin. Grandmama says we share strength. We’ll lead together. We will always be together. We’re stronger together. You know this.”
Losing my smile, I nodded my head. “I know. But you’ll always be my older brother to me.” My brother smiled. We both lay down on our backs.
“Papa wants us to cut our hair,” my brother said. I turned my head to face his. “I told him we liked it long. Grandmama agreed. I think we’ll be able to keep it long.” He looked over at me and smiled. “It’s long and black, like Georgian warriors of old used to wear.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “we’ll never cut it and we will always be warriors.”
“You and me,” my brother said.
“You and me,” I agreed.
“And me!” a little voice called from behind us. I smiled and rolled onto my knees. A little girl was hidin
My brother rolled his eyes, then closed his eyes, his face soaking in the hot sun. But I stretched up, smiled at my little sister hiding in the field.
“Mmm … did you hear something, brother?” I said, and heard my sister’s giggle from a few feet away.
My brother grunted, too busy falling asleep.
I crept forward and said aloud, “It sounded like Zoya. Didn’t you think it sounded like Zoya?” I played along.
More laughter came from just in front of me. Two brown eyes appeared in the grass, so dark they looked like darkness itself.
“Mmm … I wonder where she could be?” I said, and pretended to search the grass. When her giggles became too loud to ignore, I couldn’t help but smile. In seconds, my five-year-old sister jumped from the grass and ran straight at me. Her laughing face was the last thing I saw before she launched into my arms, knocking me back, near my brother.
My brother cracked one eye and, smirking, shook his head at my sister. Then he went back to sleep.
Zoya pulled back and her little hands pressed against my cheeks as she sat on my lap. “Sykhaara,” she said to me, using Grandmama’s pet name for me, “my sweetness,” “I came to get you. Papa wants you both home ‘now’!” I laughed as she imitated our papa’s deep voice. She laughed when I laughed. “He said some men are coming and you have to dress up and meet them. ‘You have to learn the family business’!” she imitated again, her little hands on her hips.
My brother laughed at our little sister as he stayed in his position beside us and Zoya nodded her head meaningfully. Her eyebrows pulled together and she asked, “Who are the men?”
I tapped the end of her nose. “Papa’s friends.”
“Ohhh,” she replied, “so they’re my friends, too?”
My brother this time sat up. His face was serious. “Yes, they’re your friends, but just be careful, okay, Zoya. They’re dangerous men.”
Her face was serious and she nodded her head, repeating, “Friends, but be careful. They’re dangerous.”
“Yes,” I said, but that hollow feeling was back in my stomach. The three of us walked back toward the house, Zoya in my arms.
Her finger pointed to my face. “One, two, three,” she counted tapping the side of my left cheek.
“What are you doing?” I asked. She prodded my upper cheek.
“One, two, three,” she repeated, “the moles beside your eye.”
She reached out and put her hand on our brother’s face. “You don’t have them.”
“No,” he said, reaching out and tickling her ribs. Our sister screamed and laughed until our brother stopped and ruffled her black hair.
“It’s okay,” she said, and tapped his shoulder. “He has one for each of us.” She pointed to me, “one,” then pointed to herself, “two,” then pointed to our brother, “three.” She nodded her head proudly. “One mole for each of us.”
I turned her face to look at me. “And what about the babies? What about your other brother and sister? I don’t have five moles. I don’t have enough for all of us.”
She scowled. “Uh-uh. They’re babies. They cry and cry.” She put one of her hands on my face and one on my brother’s. “You’re mine. My big twin brothers. The babies have each other. Papa said when you’re big and strong you’ll protect me and no one will hurt me because you’ll scare them all away.”
My brother moved over and whipped her from my arms. He threw her in the air and she squealed. He pulled her to his chest, kissed her on her cheek, and said, “And that’s true. We’ll always protect you.”
“I know,” she said smugly, and pointed that little finger between the three of us again. “One, two, three … Zoya, Zaal, and An—”
I gasped and my eyes snapped open. I lurched forward. Sweat poured from my body. My hands were shaking. I looked down at my hands, they wouldn’t stop shaking. I blinked and blinked and searched for air, the little girl’s words circling my mind.…
One, two, three. Zoya, Zaal, and An—
Pain stabbed behind my eyes as I tried to remember more. I shouted out in frustration. The pain blocked something in my mind, something I wanted to remember.
You’ll forget them all, Master’s voice ordered. A chain whipped along my back, hands tied behind my back as I hung off the wall. You’re mine. You have no past, no family, no other thought than to kill. You’re a killer. You’ll kill for me. Only me.
“Zaal?” Talia’s soft voice suddenly cut into my racing mind. Her hand landed on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to use it to calm.
I could feel her moving beside me. Suddenly, she spread her legs over my lap and placed her palm on my cheek. “Shh…” she soothed. “It was only a dream. You’re safe, you’re here with me.”
Papa said when you’re big and strong you’ll protect me and no one will hurt me because you’ll scare them all away.
“Zaal!” Talia pushed, and raked my damp long hair back from my face. “Look at me. Please.”
I did as she ordered and locked on to her brown eyes. I swallowed and asked, “Who am I?”
Talia froze, her face paling. I slipped my hands on her bare waist and asked again, “Talia. Who am I?”
“Zaal,” she whispered. I shook my head.
“No!” I released my hands and gripped the side of my head. “In my head. Pictures, people. Who are they?” I pulled my hand into a fist and hit it against my chest. “Who am I? Zaal? Who is Zaal?”
Talia’s hand on my face began to shake, but she was frozen on my lap. My heart began to pound. It was too fast, beating too fast. Talia knew something.
“Zaal,” she whispered. Fear in her voice.
My stomach churned. I’d made her upset again. I didn’t want Talia to be upset.
Pressing my forehead against hers, I asked, “Why do you get upset? Why do you always get sad over me?”
Talia’s mouth opened. But no words came out. I gripped her face, and smashed her lips to mine. I pushed my tongue into her mouth. Talia groaned, her fingers fisting my hair.
My cock hardened under Talia. She moved forward until her cunt was over my dick. I growled when I felt the wetness, the warmth spreading over me. Running my hands down her back, I lifted her ass, and in seconds pushed her down on my cock. Talia screamed out and her head fell into the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes as her cunt sucked me in, the feel too much.
Fire ran through me as I pushed Talia up and down, her nails scraping against my scalp. I closed my eyes, trying to forget my dream. I pounded her pussy harder and harder, but the more I tried to lose myself in Talia, the more my brain tried to remember.
Pain so strong tried to shoot down my spine. I bowed my back, but my cock thrust harder in Talia. It felt too good to let the pain in. I panted. My chest heaved and I gritted my teeth as my head ached. My body fought against both pleasure and pain. I couldn’t take it, couldn’t take the confusion.
Snapping my head back, I released a rage-fueled roar and, gripping the back of Talia’s thighs, pushed her on her back, my cock still fixed tight inside her cunt. Talia shouted in surprise as I smashed my chest against her breasts. Eyes forward, my arms tensed and braced at each side of her head. I slammed forward, Talia’s legs wrapping tightly around my waist.
My nostrils flared with the severity of my thrust and I shook my head trying to fight the pain.
Below me, Talia moaned. I built up speed, the bed smashing off the wall. Talia’s hands grasped my hair. She forced me to look down.
Sweat was dripping down her chest, strands of her blond hair slapping against her flushed face. Her eyelids were cast, and her mouth was slightly open. I slammed into her even more.
I squeezed my eyes shut when her gaze met mine. Shame ran through me. I was being too hard. I tried to slow, but Talia’s hands gripped my arms.
“Fuck it out of you, zolotse. Take from me what you need.” I fought to control the urge to fuck her hard … then
“Zolotse…,” I murmured, getting harder still off the endearment. Talia’s face flushed red, but her brown eyes never moved from mine. Zolotse.
My head fell to her chest. Talia’s hands pushed through my hair. I panted and tried to rid myself of my rage, my confusion, my frustration, but I couldn’t. It wouldn’t go.
Then Talia’s mouth moved to my ear and she whispered, “Use me. Use me to rid yourself of the rage, take it out on my pussy.”
I stilled, and at her words, my cock swelled until it hurt. “Talia,” I growled.
“Do it, Zaal. Take me, zolotse.”
At the use of that word, something snapped inside me. Seeing the open look on Talia’s face, I broke. Tensing my neck, I thundered out a groan and plowed forward, Talia raking my back with her sharp nails.
I tucked my head into her neck, her scent enveloping me. And I took. I rammed into her over and over again. Possessing her. Owning her. Talia whimpered and moaned, but her pussy tightened like a fist and our skin burned with heat.
“Zaal…,” Talia moaned. “Yes, baby, fuck me.”
My cock swelled at her words. Talia’s breath shortened. Her moans grew louder and louder. Her head threw back, her back arched, and her pussy clenched my dick.
My cock twitched. I couldn’t take anymore. Gritting my teeth, I threw my head back, and stilling, my muscles strained, I came so hard I gasped for breath. My body shook as I flooded Talia’s cunt. Then I slumped to her chest, our bodies drenched with sweat.
Since she’d freed me from my chains, we spent day and night together like this. We fucked, but gentle and slow. This time I lost control. I felt weak. I was weak. The images in my head were making me weak.
Lifting my head, I looked into Talia’s eyes. My heart sank. Her brown eyes were wide and weary. Her cheeks were red with how hard I’d taken her.
Racked with shame, I pulled out of her. I lurched backward until my back hit the wall. I stared down at her lying there on the bed, my seed dripping from her thighs. I dropped my head in my hands.