Red Leaves by Paullina Simons
‘Albert?’ said Frankie, smiling his genial smile. ‘What the hell is she talking about?’
‘Yes, what are you talking about?’ said Conni.
Looking at Albert with raised eyebrows, Kristina said, ‘Albert?’
He stared into his cards. ‘What, Kristina?’ he said wearily.
‘How was your chat?’
‘We didn’t have one. Frankie wasn’t there.’
Kristina nodded, looking at her hand - a queen of diamonds, three aces, and a queen of spades. ‘No cards, thank you,’ she said, pushing her remaining money into the center. ‘I raise you that.’ She pointed to the pile. Conni and Jim folded. Albert saw her, Frankie saw her and raised her three pennies. She had to borrow three pennies from Conni to see him.
He had four kings.
She threw her cards down. ‘It’s so peculiar,’ Kristina said. ‘I could’ve sworn you said Frankie needed to talk to you. Man to man, remember?’
Albert stared across the table at her. Frankie scratched his head and asked, ‘Albert, what is she talking about?’
‘Yeah, Kristina,’ said Conni. ‘What are you talking about?’
Jim remained quiet. So did Kristina. ‘Nothing, I guess,’ she said, staring pointedly at Albert. ‘Nothing, right?’
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Nothing.’
Frankie blew a big bubble while shuffling the cards. ‘Well, gee, Krissy, as you know, I always love to see Albert.’
‘But not this afternoon, right, Frankie?’ Kristina said. ‘This afternoon you were studying with Conni.’
Conni laid her cards aside. ‘What I want to know, Kristina,’ she said, ‘is what do you care?’
‘Good question,’ Jim muttered next to Kristina.
‘Fine, let’s drop it,’ said Kristina.
‘No, let’s not drop it,’ said Conni. ‘Now I’m curious.’
‘Are you?’ Kristina asked. ‘Are you curious?’ Taking the card deck from Frankie’s hands, she passed it to Conni. ‘You deal.’
Conni shoved the cards aside. Jim and Albert laid their hands on the table. Frankie looked at everybody with a befuddled expression.
Albert leaned over to Conni and said quietly, ‘Conni, you deal.’
Conni didn’t pick up the cards. ‘I don’t think I want to play anymore,’ she said.
‘Constance, come on,’ said Albert. Whenever Albert called her Constance, Kristina knew he was getting angry.
‘Come on, nothing!’ Conni exclaimed. ‘What’s going on, Albert? I want to know what’s going on here!’
In a strained voice, Kristina said, ‘Yeah, Albert. Why don’t you tell her?’
He flashed his black eyes at her. ‘There’s nothing to tell.’
Frankie got up, still smiling. ‘You know what? It really seems like time I be going. This is very good time that I be quickly and without dawdling going.’
Albert got up, too. ‘Don’t leave, man. This is stupid.’
Frankie smiled, turning to the rest of the table. He tipped his proverbial hat as he said, ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. If this is all over my uncommon stroke of good fortune, you may keep my winnings for luck.’
‘No, thanks,’ mumbled Kristina.
Frankie lightly tugged on Kristina’s hair. ‘And you, miss, I came here tonight, first because it’s poker night and second because it’s snowing, and isn’t there a tradition around here when it’s snowing?’ He extended his hands as if balancing on a high beam, closed his eyes, and tiptoed carefully on an imaginary straight line on the dirty wooden floor. ‘Come on. All the guys in my house get drunk and watch you. They wait all year for it. I think half of them are already collected at the windows of Feldberg, waiting for you.’
‘Are they drunk?’
‘Since September,’ replied Frankie, making Kristina smile.
‘They’ll have to wait a long time,’ said Kristina. ‘I’m not drunk.’
Conni snorted. Albert sat back down next to Conni, leaned over, and said very quietly to her, ‘Cut it out.’
‘No, I will not cut it out,’ Conni said loudly, challenging him.
‘Cut it out,’ Albert repeated, slower, quieter.
‘No,’ she said sourly. ‘Not until you tell me what’s going on.’
‘This is my cue!’ said Frankie cheerfully. ‘I’m gone! Krissy, this is a very nice snowstorm. Please oblige, will you, by getting drunk pronto. Here, here’s the rest of my Miller. I’ll be up at the library waiting for you. I even brought my binoculars.’ Reaching into his coat pocket, Frankie pulled out a pair of small, ladylike gold-plated binoculars. ‘I got them from my dear sainted mother. She asked why I wanted them, and I told her that nothing ever happens at the opera that’s half as exciting as what happens at Dartmouth, and she said well at least you’re getting an education, dear. Oh yes, I said, a fine, fine education.’ And he flipped the binoculars to his face. ‘Will I see you later?’
Kristina couldn’t help smiling. She even took a swig of the beer. ‘Frankie, will you ever give up? What do you care about me on that bridge?’
‘Are you kiddin'? I become the hero of Frat Row. I get to cut classes for a week and copy everybody’s notes. Everybody loves a hero!’
Patting him on the arm, Kristina said, ‘Yes, they do, Franklin. Yes, they do. You’ll watch out for me on the bridge, won’t you? Make sure I don’t fall?’ Kristina glanced at Conni, who flushed and looked away.
Frankie just stood there, stumped, and then scratched his head. ‘I’m not getting in the middle of this, no sirree Bob, not me, I’m staying far away from this one, thank you very much. Good-bye!’
‘Get the hell out of here, Absalom,’ said Albert.
‘See, all I want,’ said Frankie, ‘is to’ - he saw Albert’s face - ‘get the hell out of here. That’s the only thing I want. The only thing I ever wanted. And that’s the truth. Bye!’
Before he left he winked at Kristina and held up the binoculars to his face. ‘We made a deal,’ he whispered to her. ‘Drink up.’
‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’ And she laughed.
After Frankie left the room, the four of them sat silently staring at the cards on the table. Kristina broke the silence by saying, ‘Want to play some more?’ But that didn’t break the tension.
Conni snapped, ‘You have to go, don’t you? You have an appointment on the bridge you gotta keep, don’t you?’
‘Oh, lighten up, Conn,’ said Kristina. ‘You’re taking all this much too seriously.’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ Conni said. ‘I think I’m not taking this seriously enough. And Jim is not either.’
Kristina glanced at Jim. ‘I think Jim is taking this just fine. Right, Jimbo?’
‘Leave me out of it, will you?’ Jim said impatiently. He stood up suddenly, not looking at anybody. ‘Ahh, just forget it. Forget the whole thing.’ They looked up at him with their peeved, surprised faces.
Conni stood up and then sat back down with a humph. Her fingers were nervously, angrily thumbing the cards. ‘Jim, what’s going on?’
‘Nothing,’ said Kristina.
‘Let’s drop it,’ said Albert.
‘I don’t want to drop it!’ Conni nearly yelled, shooting up out of her seat. The cards spilled to the floor. ‘See, I think there is something going on here, something really sick, under my very nose, and I swear to God, if you don’t tell me what’s going on right now, I - I - I -’ she stammered.
Conni isn’t very good at making useless threats, Kristina thought.
‘Right now,’ Conni repeated. ‘I’m tired of these games.’
Wide-eyed, Kristina stared in mock surprise at Conni until Conni saw Albert mouth stop it to Kristina, who ignored him.
‘Why - are - you -’ Conni could barely get the words out. ‘- you mouthing anything to her?’ she nearly shrieked. Though the question was directed at Albert, Conni was looking straight at Kristina. Conni’s hands were shaking.
She was the only one standing. Nobody answered her. Nobody ev
‘Right now, right here,’ Conni went on, plaintive and panting. ‘I want to know what’s going on, and I’m not leaving till you tell me.’ Her frame heaved.
‘Look,’ said Kristina, standing up too. ‘This is no place for this conversation.’
‘No!’ exclaimed Conni. ‘This is a great place for this conversation. Kristina, I want you to tell me the truth.’
Kristina laid her arm on Jim’s shoulder, who threw it off, standing up also. He was agitated, and his green eyes were perplexed and angry. ‘This is a conversation? The truth about what, Constance?’
‘The truth about Kristina and Albert,’ said Conni.
Jim stood mutely next to Kristina, as if he were pricking up his ears to hear her response.
Kristina said nothing for half a minute, but when she finally spoke, she said, ‘Tell you what, I want to hear the truth about you and Jim.’
‘Me and Jim?’ Conni was more irritated than flustered by the question. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘Ahh, forget it,’ Kristina said, waving her good arm and mimicking Jim. ‘Forget the whole thing.’ She turned to go, and then stopped. ‘By the way, Conni - Albert, he’s standing right there. Why don’t you ask him?’
‘Because I’m asking you,’ Conni said, without even glancing Albert’s way.
Jim had moved away from Kristina. ‘Conni, don’t be such an idiot,’ he said rudely. ‘Isn’t it obvious? She just told you.’
‘I didn’t hear it,’ said Conni.
‘She just told you!’ screamed Jim, turning to Kristina. ‘Didn’t you? Listen, I don’t want you to ever tell me anything again!’ His face was red and contorted by anger. ‘Never,’ he nearly hissed. ‘I don’t want you to tell me anything, ever again, do you understand? I don’t want you to come near me, I don’t want you to ask me to walk your dog, I don’t want you to ask me to help you study. I don’t want you to talk to me again, understand?’
Conni wasn’t the only one who stared at Jim open-mouthed. So Jim was able to get angry at something other than criticism of the Dartmouth Review, or the president, or crime. But he really knew how to pick his battle sites. Several students had come in to watch television and had obviously heard the whole outburst. They now stood uncomfortably at the door.
‘Jim, man, come on -’ Albert started to say before Jim cut him off.
‘Screw you,’ Jim said, pointing at Albert. ‘I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playing, but I don’t want any part of it. Any part of it at all.’
Albert faced down Jim, who finally whirled around and left the room, pushing his way past three students who couldn’t get out of his way fast enough. On the way out, Kristina saw Jim turn back to look at her with not just anger, but hate.
Turning to Conni, Kristina said, ‘See what you’ve done?’
‘Me?’ But Conni said it less angrily, as if Jim’s calling her an idiot and his subsequent outburst had calmed her instead of incensed her.
‘So Jim thinks you’re running around on him,’ Conni said, in an offhand, casual voice that belied the gravity of her words. Conni was obviously hard at work trying to forget just who Kristina had been accused of running around on Jim with.
‘I’m done with both of you,’ said Albert. ‘I’m going to my room.’
‘Albert, wait,’ said Conni, while Kristina said nothing.
‘No, stop. I’m tired of this, and I’m tired period. I’m tired of you people accusing me of crazy things,’ he said, despite the fact that no one had accused him of anything. ‘I’m tired of you pointing fingers, and of you not taking my no for an answer,’ he added. ‘If you feel that strongly about it, Conni, then just break up with me. Better yet, break up with me and go back out with Jim. I hear he’s available. You don’t trust me, and I can’t stand it. I don’t want to have a relationship where I’m not trusted. Trust me, or leave me, that’s your choice. I’m tired of these games.’
‘I don’t want to leave you,’ Conni said quietly. ‘I just want you to tell me the truth, and I’ll never ask you or doubt you again.’
Kristina waited. She waited without curiosity or anticipation. She knew Albert, and she knew telling the truth was not Albert Maplethorpe’s forte. She knew he would never tell the truth. She suspected that Conni knew that too, but chose to overlook it, and that was her categorical imperative - denial. Albert’s was eternal equivocation. His word, which had no collateral, no support, no weight, and no history, would be good enough for Conni. Kristina waited for Albert to face down Constance Tobias and assert his imperative.
Albert Maplethorpe did not disappoint her.
The showdown was a letdown. The only thing that happened was that now no one was talking to anyone else. They had never before let anything like that happen.
Kristina went upstairs. It was eleven fifteen when she got to her room.
The snow was still falling heavily. Kristina desperately wished she were drunk tonight so she could walk her wall. Frankie Absalom was waiting. With a big sigh, she sat down at her computer, thinking about starting the Review death-penalty story, but wanting to go to bed instead and wishing for her heart to stop squeezing and hurting her.
At eleven forty-five she went to walk Aristotle, coming back a few minutes before midnight.
A knock on the door startled her and made her heart start pounding. What’s going on with me? she thought nervously.
The knock was light, not angry; it could only be one of three people, and Kristina hardly wanted to talk to any of them. Kristina didn’t go to the door right away. She was waiting to recognize the knock.
The knock came again.
Finally, she opened the door. ‘Look, Jim -’ she began.
It was Conni. She looked disheveled, and her hair was messy. Her blue eyes were trying to smile, but Kristina could see Conni was battling with herself.
Kristina opened the door wider. ‘Come in.’
Conni shook her head. ‘No, I gotta get back. Albert’s waiting for me. And I need to pack too. We just wanted to bring you this.’ Pulling her arm from behind her, she gave Kristina the birthday bottle of Southern Comfort. ‘We thought you might want to have it while we’re gone. I said I’d bring it to you. I wanted to talk to you, anyway.’
Kristina felt warm relief flowing through her veins. She gladly took the bottle and threw it on the bed. ‘I like it very much. Thanks.’
‘Listen, I’m sorry about before,’ Conni said, not looking at Kristina.
‘Come in,’ Kristina repeated. Aristotle wagged his tail. Conni didn’t move. ‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for,’ said Kristina.
‘Well, Albert says I do, and I think he’s right.’
‘You’ve got nothing to apologize for,’ said Kristina firmly.
‘No, I do. I do. I was out of line down there. Nothing was wrong, I don’t know what I got so bothered over.’
‘Yes, you do,’ said Kristina. ‘You know why you got bothered. Why are you always pretending that nothing is wrong?’
Kristina saw fear in Conni’s eyes, as if this was not the conversation Conni wanted to have the day before she got engaged at Thanksgiving. ‘I’m not pretending, okay?’
‘Yes, you are,’ Kristina said. ‘Why?’
‘I’m not!’ exclaimed Conni, and then, quieter, ‘So what do you think I’m pretending about?’
Her body throbbing, Kristina leaned down to Conni and whispered, ‘Pretending what’s true isn’t true, Conni.’
Kristina might as well have slapped Conni, who recoiled and staggered back a foot from the door. She took a few seconds to regain her composure. ‘You’re lying. I know you are. I don’t suspect anything, for one. They’re just the normal doubts everyone in a relationship has. I trust him, I have to. Otherwise, how can I stay in a relationship with him? If I don’t trust him and still stay with him, then I have no self-esteem and no self-respect. So I have to trust him, do you see?’
Kristina shaking her head, said, ‘Yes
All of a sudden, Conni slapped Kristina across the face, leaving a bright red mark, and then, before Kristina had a chance to move, slapped her again across the other cheek.
Now it was Kristina’s turn to stagger back. ‘What are you doing?’ she said. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’
‘You deserve worse,’ Conni said. ‘For trying to break us up. I thought you were my friend.’
‘I am your friend,’ said Kristina, rubbing her cheek.
‘You’re not my friend,’ Conni went on. ‘Otherwise you’d know how much I love Albert.’
‘I know how much you love Albert,’ Kristina said. ‘I also know all the other things you don’t know.’
‘You don’t know anything. Nothing. You’re just cruel. You have everything. All I want is Albert. Can’t you see he’s weak?’
Kristina laughed. ‘Weak? Albert? Conni, he’s the strongest person you’ll ever know.’
‘He is weak. He doesn’t know his own heart.’
‘Better than anybody. Better than you, better than me. Albert is true only to himself. You’ll see that.’
Conni lashed out, grabbing Kristina’s hair, yanking it hard. But this time Kristina was ready. She had to bring her right arm across her body, and tilt her head, but she grabbed Conni’s hair very hard, and pulled. ‘Listen, you,’ Kristina panted. ‘Listen, stop behaving this way, stop it, you’re nuts!’ But Conni wouldn’t let go. Trying to stop Conni, Kristina dug the tips of her nails into the skin under Conni’s eye, piercing the cheek and making Conni yelp.
Conni let go. Kristina didn’t.
‘Listen, I’m going to tell you something,’ Kristina said, standing very close, looking down at Conni. ‘I know you always manage to get mad at just me, but I’m telling you, I’m not the one you should be mad at.’
‘Oh! Let go of me,’ Conni whispered vehemently. ‘Let go!’
Kristina let go. Bloody scratches marked Conni’s left cheek.
Conni touched her wounded face. Kristina receded into her room.
Panting, trying to get her breath back, Conni said, quietly, malevolently, ‘Now I’m going to tell you something. I asked Albert about you and him, and you know what he said?’