Requiem by Jamie McGuire
We tossed our empty cups into the trash before making our way to campus. The walk seemed longer than the years before. I remembered walking down the same street, wondering if I would run into Jared, hoping I could steal another moment with him. A smile touched my mouth as I looked behind us. The Escalade was parked across the street, half a block away.
So much had changed since I sat on the park bench. Life had gone from bad to worse, to wonderful to unbelievable, and now my days were as mundane as any other college sophomore. If only I could close my eyes without seeing my father, but that was asking for too much.
Beth would steal a peek at me now and then. Finally my curiosity outweighed my aversion to her lengthy explanations.
"Okay, Beth. Do I have something on my face?" I asked.
"A booger," Kim said without expression, pointing to my nose.
"I have a booger on my nose?" I gasped, my hand flying up to cover it.
"No," Kim said.
Beth smiled. "It doesn't look like you've had much sleep, is all."
My hand didn't leave my face without wiping my nose a few times, and then I made a face at Kim. "I haven't, I guess."
"You guess?" Beth persisted.
"Bad dreams," Kim said.
"How did you know?" I asked.
Kim shrugged. "Just a guess. What are they about?"
"Mostly Jack."
Beth's mouth slipped to the side, and then she frowned at Kim with disapproval. Kim didn't flinch.
"What about your dad?" Kim said.
I scratched my head and watched for traffic--stalling, of course, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had turned.
"Just the way he died. But it's different."
"Different how?" Kim prodded.
Beth stopped mid-step. "Geez, Kim! Knock it off already!"
"Sometimes talking about it can help, Nina," Kim said, ignoring Beth.
"Not today," I said, looking up the aged brick of the business building, "I'll see you guys at lunch."
Class was endless. My mind filled with thoughts of Sasha, Jared, and Claire waiting in the unforgiving desert sun to save Ryan from himself. As time wound down, I felt more and more angry. Guilt followed me everywhere I went, and the lack of sleep left me irritated. By the time class dismissed, I pushed through the door, paying no attention to the flabbergasted looks of the students I shoved past.
Kim stopped me in my tracks. "Whoa!"
A few breaths were necessary before I could speak. "Sorry...I was...I don't know."
"Class was that bad, huh?"
"I don't remember," I said, rubbing my temple where it had met with Kim's bony shoulder.
Kim looked down the hall, and then back at me. "Okay. What's going on with you? You're not yourself."
"I'm just tired," I said, sliding by her to escape down the stairs.
On the Greens, the closest bench took the brunt of my anger when I slammed my backpack into it before sitting down in a slump. My next class was in ten minutes, and I had no motivation to listen to the monotonous rules and itinerary.
The students passed, chuckling and chattering with the energy expected on the first day of school. The summer sun was already too warm for the early hour, and with no breeze, I could feel the beads of sweat forming between my clothes and the wood. Campus didn't feel like home, anymore. I felt years from the giggles and laughter I shared with my friends, sitting at lunch, and coffee shops, and the pub. My mood grew worse, and I refused to budge from my bench.
And then he sat beside me.
"Warm day, huh?" he asked without looking in my direction.
"I guess."
"Did you miss the bus?" he asked, peeking at me from the corner of his eye.
I sighed. "I let it drive away so the love of my life could save me with a cab ride."
He smiled. "I'm going to make this okay, Baby. Ryan...the dreams...we're going to figure this out." He took me under his arm, and then pressed his lips to my forehead. I let myself melt into his body, and the anger gradually slipped away. Backpack in hand, he gently tugged my fingers. "May I walk you to class?"
A quick nod from me prompted a slow pace across campus. We walked in silence, but he squeezed my hand intermittently to encourage me along. It didn't feel right to be there without Ryan's smiling face. The thought of nights at the pub or study group only being a reminder to everyone of his absence--and why he left--was discomforting to say the least.
The day was long, but I muddled through it. Jared drove me to the office after classes, and dealing with Grant, mountains of paperwork, and training took my mind off darker thoughts.
"We're moving you today," Grant said with his bright smile and deep dimples.
"Moving where?" I asked, wondering what else I could possibly train for. I had been in every department of the company, and had just begun the managerial training. In truth, I had mastered everything Grant could do long before my internship, and could do it better. I had excellent rapport with the clients, and because of my hard work over the summer, the employees had embraced me. Short from sending me overseas, there was nothing I hadn't seen.
"Over there," Grant nodded.
I didn't turn around. I knew where he was gesturing. He was moving me to my father's office, the one space in the entire building I had avoided.
"I don't need to do that, yet," I said, trying to mask my unease.
"Nina, you're the CEO of this company. It's time you took the office."
"Why the hurry, Grant? Are you looking to retire?" I asked, fidgeting with my blouse.
"I'm not asking you to run the company, but you can't gain respect from the staff filing downstairs with the interns. Solidify your position with your employees before you graduate and take over."
The elevator opened and Sasha appeared, gliding a tube of lip gloss over her too-bright lip stick. "Grant, a package for you was sent to our office by mistake," she said, handing him the large, paper envelope. "I saw a shirt exactly like that on a homeless woman this morning," she said, staring at me with repugnance. "There are better places to shop than the community thrift store, Nina, really...."
I looked down and then back at her, suddenly open to the idea of changing offices. "Sasha, glad you're here. Grant wants me to take my father's office. I'll leave you in charge of transferring my things."
"You're...?" Sasha looked to Grant for indemnity, but he raised his eyebrows expectantly. Her expression scrolled through several emotions ranging from shock, anger, to defeat, then finally turned on her heels. "I'll take care of that right away," she said through her teeth.
Had I slept the night before, my mood would have soared, but I simply looked at the door of my father's office and sighed.
Grant patted my shoulder. "You've earned it, Peanut. And if it makes you feel better...I like the shirt."
"Thanks," I said, sliding from his touch.
Carl from maintenance exited the elevator, and passed by with a tool bag, a bucket, and a squeegee. He stopped at my father's office door and peered at the black block letters on the glass.
Jack Grey
CEO
He pulled a box knife from his pocket, and began scratching at the letters.
"Don't!" I yelled. Carl froze, and I hurried to the door, smoothing out the Y of my father's name. "Leave it," I said softly.
"Yes, ma'm," Carl said, clearly rattled. He shot a glance to Grant, and then left the way he came.
"I'm sorry. I assumed you'd want your name on your door. I thought you'd like it," Grant said.
"They can both fit," I said. "Just put my name under his."
"You're the boss," Grant said, his expression matching his tone.
I pressed the button to the first floor, and then leaned against the back wall of the elevator. "Too much for one day," I whispered.
Above the door, the number one lit in a soft glow, accompanied by a pleasant dinging sound. The double doors spread open, and I squinted from the sunlight penetrating through the glass walls of the
"It has been a lot for you today. Let's go home."
I smiled, remembering my whispers in the elevator.
He let me lean against him as we walked to the Escalade hand in hand. The gulls seemed particularly loud, calling to each other along the harbor. The breeze brought in the sweet stench of fish and motor oil. The sounds and smells surrounding Titan always reminded me of my father.
"It's no wonder I'm having the dreams," I said.
"What dreams?" Jared teased.
I smiled. "Coming here everyday, being around everything that embodies what I remember about Jack. It's not some supernatural mystery. I'm just surrounded by him."
Jared replied only with a thoughtful nod. He was careful to avoid the subject during the ride home, sticking to the weather and happenings at Brown. Once we reached the loft, he was all to eager to start preparing dinner, so I left him to his thoughts and ran a bath in the downstairs tub.
After lingering far too long in the cooling water, I wrapped my towel around me and opened the door, noticing only one plate of food. Jared was in the corner, dripping with sweat.
"You ate without me?" I asked, sitting at the table.
"I didn't want to disturb you," Jared said, grunting with the massive amount of weight above him.
Jared was hiding something, and his behavior told me it was probably something I didn't want to know.
I finished my dinner and started the dishwasher, and then made my way up the stairs. I slipped on my night gown and crawled into bed beside Jared. He was reading, and put his book down long enough to kiss my forehead. I relaxed, trying to think peaceful thoughts. Wondering if I would wake up screaming wouldn't help to keep the dreams away, so I forced my mind in the direction of Jared and our Oak Tree.
"No studying tonight?" Jared said.
"Test is Monday. I'm too tired tonight."
Jared nodded. "Mom called today. Bex's coming home tomorrow."
A yawn interrupted my response, but I spoke in spite of it. "Oh?"
"I invited him over for dinner. I thought I could whip up a pot roast."
I smiled, drifting off. "Sounds good."
Just as Jared kissed me goodnight, I fell, dropping thousands of feet to a dusty, wooden floor. Landing face down, my palms flat to the ground, I hesitated to move until I was sure of my surroundings. It was dark and quiet, except for the subtle disruption of the rustling of papers. I turned my head, struggling to focus two shadows on the floor; two hunched figures desperately searching.
I closed my eyes. "I'm not moving," I said, balling my hands into fists. "I won't watch."
The rustling stopped, and Gabe whispered the warning to my father. "It's too late."
"I won't watch you die tonight," I said, gritting my teeth.
Jack and Gabe escaped with their book, and I sat on my knees. The shrieking echoed through the halls, and my heart beat faster. I stood, determined to stay, focused on the room I was in, trying to ignore the fiendish and frightening noises growing louder as they closed in. It was my dream. I would stay.
The room blurred, and time pulled me away. My stomach tugged, and then I was gone, violently thrust to the roof. Gabe took my father in his arms and leaped with transcendental strength to the site of my father's brutal end. Once again I refused to move, locking my knees in place. The tugging began, but my feet remained on the ground.
Just then, countless shadows swept past, traveling with such momentum that my hair blew forward, as if two trains were passing at full speed on each side of me. The sounds that came from the shadows were indescribable, so loud that my hands automatically cupped over my ears. I screamed aloud to try to drown out the evil that saturated the space around me.
Then it was gone.
I waited. Sounds from the street below replaced the deafening roar of Shax and his minions, and my knees buckled, letting my body fall to the ground.
"Please stop," I whispered, knowing no one could hear.
My breathing accelerated. The air seemed too thin, and the tugging began again. "No," I pleaded, just as a hole opened up beneath me. I fell, landing on the wet cement of the alley.
A pair of familiar shoes stood before me, and I followed the tailored suit with my eyes to the face of my frightened father. His hands were wrapped around the book, his knuckles white. I closed my eyes, waiting for what would come next. The sounds of hands exploding through the door, and the audible shredding of Jack's clothing and skin were much more vivid when I refused to watch. The bones of his spine snapped as demons yanked him through the hole in the door, and into the building to his brutal death.
I cried out. Not so much a scream, as a low, guttural moaning, sobbing for my father. The alleyway quaked, as if the earth below was trembling in the presence of such evil. Dark turned to dim light, and I focused as Jared's warm hands shook me awake.
"Nina?" he said, holding my cheeks in his hands, waiting for me to look him in the eye.
Once again soaked in my own sweat, I tore my nails from my palms, still clenched from trying to force myself to stay in one place. Jared looked down, and then left for only a moment, bringing back two rags.
"Jesus, Nina," he choked out.
The white towels hid the four tiny, half-moon gouges in each hand, but quickly revealed the damage as they began to turn red.
Jared placed another rag, this one wet and cold, on my forehead, wiping away the sweat and tears. My eyes felt swollen and tight. Although the dream was over, I couldn't stop crying. Jared's expression was heart breaking. It was the same expression he had when he let go of my hand in the emergency room, as if I were dying before his eyes.
"I can't fix this," he said, his voice breaking. "I don't know what to do to help you."
"You're helping," I said, my voice raspy and faint. I left the bloody rag on the blanket, and touched my hand to his face. Too tired to hold up my own arm, it fell to the mattress. Streaks of blood marked Jared's cheek, prompting me to turn my hand palm-up to see the oozing tears in my flesh.
"I'll take care of that," Jared said, reaching under the bed to fetch the first aid kit.
My head rested against the headboard as he tended to my wounds, kissing my fingers when he finished each hand.
"Jared?"
"Yes, Sweetheart?" he said, thick with agony.
"Would you make some coffee?"
"Yes," he said simply.
He left me alone, rushing down stairs. I looked down to my red-stained hands, and then to the clock. It read three-thirty. Rubbing my eyes, I struggled to block out the shrieking that still rang in my ears.
Jared returned with a steaming mug of dark, bitter caffeine. He sat beside me on the bed with renewed hope. "Okay," he said, carefully passing the cup to me, "let's talk about this."
"No."
"No?" My answer caught him off guard. It took him a moment to recoup. "Nina, there has to be a reason for this."
I took a sip and sighed. "I told you. I'm at Titan every day. I'm surrounded by Jack and memories for hours at a time. Think about it. The dreams didn't start long after I started my internship."
"That doesn't add up, Nina. You should be comfortable being there by now. The dreams should lessen, not get worse."
An attempt at rational thought proved futile. My mind was clouded by fatigue, and it didn't take long grow frustrated and give up. "I don't want to think about it, Jared."
"You must be exhausted. But, let me try. Tell me about the dream." Jared smiled when I conceded with a sigh. "Please?"
"It was different this time. I tried to control it and let it happen without me being there to watch, but it kept pulling me back."
"What pulled you back?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. The dream? I would stand still and concentrate on staying in place, and then I would get pushed to the next scene. But once...I stayed for a while. I saw something I haven't seen before."
"Yeah?" he asked, anxious to find answers.
&
"Nina," Jared said, firmly interrupting me.
Nodding with understanding, I continued, "I stayed behind. Gabe and Jack jumped to the next building like they always do, but this time I stayed on the roof, and the Others, they surrounded me. Dozens of them, hundreds of them--I don't know--they surged past me."
Jared nodded, still waiting for an epiphany.
"...and then I fell through a hole, and I landed in the alley. I didn't watch this time. I kept my eyes shut."
"Did that help?"
"The noises were just as bad."
He waited for something to come to him. Thoughts were clearly racing through his mind as he methodically checked off each scenario, each possible explanation, and then went on to the next. Frustration scrolled across his face and he stood, walking to the railing that ran along the edge of our bedroom. He looked down to the lower level, squeezing the metal bar so tightly it complained as he twisted his hands back and forth.
Coffee finally made its way through my body, rushing through my veins. I kicked the covers away and planted my bare feet on the cold floor. "Movie?" I asked, but he was lost in thought. In the subdued light, I could see his mouth moving, but he made no sound. "Jared?"
His lips continued to move, and the metal still whined under his grip.
"You're going to break the railing," I said, walking the few steps to reach him.
He stiffened under my touch. "They won't answer."
"Who?"
"Eli. Samuel. Anyone."
"Maybe they're busy."
"Exactly," he said, his shoulders falling. "I can feel how exhausted you are, Nina. I don't know how you're still functioning. I can feel the way your body tenses and panics when you're having the dreams. I don't want to frighten you, but this is...if you want to believe it's Titan, okay. But I need to figure this out."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm calling Bex. I'm going to have him come in for a few days while I try to find some answers."
"You're leaving?"
"Just for a few days, Sweetheart."
I grabbed his shirt, panic tightening my throat. We hadn't been apart for so long, the thought of even a few days without him frightened me. I would feel naked...vulnerable.
"But you promised. You promised you'd never have to go away."
"I did. I'm not going away," he said, touching my cheek. "I'm a phone call away."
"No. No...send Bex."