Rock Chick Renegade by Kristen Ashley
He was right. I hated it when he was right.
“If anyone gets hurt because of me –”
“No one’s gonna get hurt.”
He said that with such certainty that I believed him.
I willed myself to relax, willed my mind and body to go still.
It didn’t work.
“Vance?”
“Yeah, Princess?”
I looked up at his face in the moonlight.
It was time.
I took a deep breath then said, “Do you want me to tell you what I think it says about me that you share my bed?”
He was looking down at me. “No,” he answered bluntly.
I blinked. “What?” I asked.
“I don’t want you to tell me.”
Well, that took the wind right out of my sails and for some reason it hurt, just a little bit (okay, so it hurt a lot). I thought he’d want to know. I wanted him to want to know and furthermore, I was ready to tell him.
Before I could hide my face and my disappointment his mouth came to mine.
“I want you to show me,” he said there.
I looked into his dark eyes, close up and even in the moonlight I knew they were burning into mine.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Then I did as he asked.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Quick Could Be Good
The phone was ringing and my eyes opened.
I knew it was the dead of night and in the nanosecond before he moved, I knew I had a big time contender for Number One Most Favorite Sleeping Position with Vance. On my belly, one leg crooked, Vance pressed into my back, leg bent into mine, arm around me.
Seriously nice
He disengaged gently and rolled away to pick up the phone.
“Yeah?” I heard, pause, “right.”
When I heard the phone hit the cradle, I turned. “What was that?”
Vance’s arms came around me and he settled on his back, me in his side (just for your information, I liked this as a cuddle position but it was in the lower half of the top five as a sleeping position).
“They got Shard.”
Hallelujah, I thought.
“No more panic button?” I asked.
“You keep the panic button.”
My head came up. “Why?”
“Humor me.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve made enemies and captured attention. Until we hear no talk on the street, I want to know you’re safe.”
I supposed I could do that.
I settled in, ready to go back to sleep, so ready in fact that I didn’t realize Vance’s body had gone tight.
“You gonna do this for me?” he asked.
“Sure,” I replied as if that was a given.
After a few minutes ticked by, his body relaxed and he said, “Jesus, you’re a pain in the ass.”
“Am not,” I mumbled sleepily into his shoulder.
His hand came up and started to play with my hair.
I fell asleep.
* * * * *
I woke up with the alarm and Vance wasn’t in bed but I heard the shower going.
There was no Boo either.
I hit the off button on the alarm and searched for my nightgown and underwear that Vance had divested me of the night before. I struggled to put them on in a lying position which was not easy. After I succeeded I slid off the bed platform.
I walked to the kitchen.
Boo’s breakfast bowl was down and had already been licked clean.
I looked at the coffeemaker. There was a pot at the ready.
I walked into the living room. Boo was lying on my chaise lounge, cleaning his face. He didn’t even spare me a glance much less a good morning kitty meow. He was sated and preparing for his morning nap.
I walked back into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.
Then I stood with my hips against the counter, coffee cup aloft, staring into space, wondering how my world had turned on its head in a week and four days.
I had a boyfriend who fed my cat, made coffee, had a kickass job, took care of me, was great in bed and was hot. I had a family of friends looking out for me, calling me and wanting to spend time with me. They even got mad at me when I tried to go to the mall alone.
This freaked me out, in a good way.
My pug nestled up to me and decided he wanted to play just as Vance walked out of the bathroom, chest bare, black hair wet and slicked back and one of my mint-green, Egyptian cotton towels wrapped around his hips.
My mouth went dry.
He walked toward me, got in my space, dodging the coffee cup I didn’t move, put his hands on either side of my neck and touched his lips to mine.
“Mornin’ Princess,” he said, not moving out of my space.
“Thanks for feeding Boo.”
He grinned and dropped his hands to my waist.
“Thanks for making coffee,” I went on.
He kept grinning.
“You done in the bathroom?” I asked.
He nodded.
I put the unsipped coffee on the counter, skirted around him and went to bathroom. I brushed and flossed then washed my face.
I left the bathroom and went in search of Vance.
He wasn’t hard to find considering I only had three rooms in the house (three and a half, if you counted the bed platform). He was sitting on my couch, clothed in the outfit he had on yesterday, pulling on his boots.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, staring at him.
“Puttin’ on my boots,” he replied, looking up at me.
I blinked. “You wore that yesterday,” I said.
“Yeah,” he pulled on the second boot and stood.
“If you’re going to stay here you should keep some clothes here.”
Now, why did I just say that?
I was going to freak him out. He was going to think I loved him or something.
I, of course, did love him but he didn’t know that or at least I didn’t think he knew that. Now he’d think I was a clingy, stalker, psycho bitch-from-hell and moving too fast and I was going to scare him off.
Shit.
“All right,” he said.
I blinked again. “Did you say ‘all right’?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied.
Guess I didn’t freak him out.
He came up to me, wrapped a hand around the back of my head and kissed my forehead. “Later Princess.”
My body went still.
“What?” I asked, looking up at him as he dropped his hand.
“Later, I gotta get to the office.”
I stared. “What?” I repeated.
He watched me a beat. “Are you okay?”
I thought about it.
Then I said, “No, I’m not okay.”
“What’s the matter?”
“You fed my cat,” I told him.
He watched me again, this time perhaps wondering if my body had been taken over by nonsense-speaking aliens.
“And?” he asked.
“And now you’re leaving.”
“I have to get to the office. They’re holding three assholes who wanted to hurt you. I wanna find out what’s happening.”
This sounded plausible. I still didn’t like it.
“But we haven’t had sex yet,” I blurted.
For a second I realized I threw him and he looked surprised. He had absolutely no idea that was going to come out of my mouth. Then again, neither did I.
Still, I’d said it so I was going to have to go with it.
“We always have morning sex. We always have night-time sex. We can’t not have morning sex. What does that mean? Next we’re not going to have night-time sex?” I asked.
His lips started twitching as I continued.
“You fed my cat. I always have to feed my cat. How am I going to get used to not being the one who has to feed my cat? It’s always been just
me. And Nick, of course, but that’s not the same thing. He doesn’t break up Boo’s food like you and I do.”
I was babbling. I knew it and I didn’t care.
I wanted to have sex.
“Jules –”
“You can’t just get up, make me coffee, feed my cat and then leave. What’s up with that?” I went on.
“Jules –”
“We have a ritual,” I interrupted him. “I like our ritual. I’m not good with change.”
Now I was lying. I had no problem with change.
Bottom line, I wanted sex.
His hands came to the sides of my face and he said again, “Jules.”
“What?” I snapped.
“Take off your underwear.”
My belly did a roller-coaster plummet and I blinked, again.
“What?”
“Do it,” he demanded.
Okay, now I was freaking out and deciding maybe I didn’t want to have sex even though I wanted sex now more than ever.
All the while looking at him I pushed down my underwear and it fell to the floor. No sooner did it hit my feet then he lifted me up, hands at my ass and my arms and legs automatically circled him.
He went down to the floor on his knee then he put me on my back and covered me with his body.
“What are we doing?” I asked, staring into his eyes.
I felt his hand between us, working at his belt.
“We’re gonna have to be quick.”
“How quick?”
“Real quick.”
“I’m not sure I want quick.”
His face went into my neck. “You don’t have much choice,” he said in my ear which made me shiver. Then I felt his tongue touch me and slide down my neck to my collarbone which made me shiver more.
“Is quick good?” I asked.
“It can be,” he said at the base of my throat then he touched me between my legs and I sucked in breath.
His mouth came to mine and I could feel he was smiling, pleased about something.
He looked in my eyes and said, “Christ, you’re always wet.”
“Is that good?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“I think it happened when you told me to take off my underwear,” I informed him helpfully.
His finger slid inside me. “I’ll remember that.”
My hands pushed into his jeans and I ran them over his ass. I was done talking and so was Vance.
And, for your information, quick could be good.
* * * * *
It was near to the end of the day when my cell rang.
It was sitting on my desk and the display said “Crowe calling.”
Looking at it, I smiled.
* * * * *
Vance had called me in the morning to give me the lowdown on Shard, Clarence and Jermaine
Apparently Mace had done his job well. This was because Luke and Ike felt like getting in on the act. So they’d all done their job well. They’d done it job so well, Shard, Clarence and Jermaine not only decided not to fuck with me, they also decided that maybe Denver wasn’t for them. Luke, Mace and Ike had convinced them to try their luck at ruining other people’s lives somewhere outside the Mile High City. They weren’t only leaving town, they already left. Vance knew this because Mace, Ike and Luke had escorted them to the city limits.
This made me feel weird. It was weird because I felt safe and protected but I also felt badly that they likely had to commit acts of violence in order to make me feel safe and protected.
I spent the morning struggling with that.
Since I figured Shard, Clarence and Jermaine had destroyed a number of lives by the time the clock struck twelve, I got over it.
Then I called Luke.
“Babe,” he answered.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Silence then, “I’m guessin’ you’re talkin’ about the boys.”
“I’m talking about what you and Mace and Ike did for me. I feel like I should do something to repay you.”
“Not necessary.”
“Maybe I should make you some cookies,” I suggested.
“Really not necessary.”
At first I was shocked at the emphasis to his “really”. Then I remembered that Luke had smelled the results of my last attempt at being a baking goddess.
“Okay, maybe I should buy you some cookies.”
“That’d work.”
Disconnect.
Well then, there it was.
Store cookies seemed kind of a lame “thank you” for driving three drug dealers hell-bent on gang-raping and torturing you out of town but burnt cookies were no thank you at all.
I made a mental note to hit the bakery at Safeway and got back to work.
* * * * *
Now Vance was calling again and I tried to be cool but I had to admit (just to myself) I liked to see “Crowe calling” on my display.
I liked it a lot.
I picked up my phone and flipped it open. “Hey,” I said to Crowe.
“Hey. Got some things to do tonight. Thought I’d take you to Lincoln’s for dinner before I did ‘em.”
“That sounds good.”
“Meet you at your place at six.”
“Okay.”
“Later, Princess.”
Disconnect.
I sat there with the phone to my ear and stayed that way. I liked how I felt even after a quick, meaningless phone call from Vance telling me he was taking me out to dinner. I wondered if I’d always feel like that and I hoped I would.
Slowly I flipped the phone shut and set it on my desk, realizing this would be only the second time we’d been out to dinner. We’d had only one date and we were practically living together. He was moving clothes to my house, I had toiletries at his.
Realizing this, I started to laugh, my body shaking with it.
Vance had done it. Just like everyone said he would, just like Lee, Eddie and Hank before him. He hadn’t wasted any time (I, however, had) and he’d moved so fast I didn’t even realize it was happening. Hell, it was my idea for him to leave clothes at my house.
I was laughing so hard, I snorted and Andy, who was on the phone, looked up at me with knitted inquiring brows.
I shook my head at him and mouthed, “I’ll tell you later.”
Andy blinked in surprise.
I’d been working with Andy for awhile. He’d come to the Shelter about six months after they hired me. I’d never, not once, told him anything personal about me. He was a good guy and he could make me laugh. He had a wife and a little girl. He shared stories all the time about what they’d done, funny things his kid said.
Me, nothing. I never shared.
I’d gone through life alone (my choice), in order not to feel, so I wouldn’t get hurt.
Now I knew what I was missing.
What kind a fucking idiot was I?
I struggled with that long after Andy got off the phone. Long after I shared with Andy that Vance was practically moving in with me. Andy had said, hesitantly and with concern, “Um… Jules, don’t you think this is a bit fast?” then I’d told him about Indy, Jet and Roxie, his eyes got big, but he didn’t look any less concerned. Long after I hit two different Safeways and cleaned them out of their M&M cookies (the absolute best) and picked up some other provisions (doing this randomly because although Vance was going to be hanging clothes in my closet, I had no idea what kind of food he liked in the house).
This last thought had me cracking up hysterically in the meat and cheese section and people gave me a wide berth. This was a good thing as it meant I had the meat and cheese section all to myself without anyone breathing down my neck to make a selection.
I got over my latest emotional struggle when I put the cookies on the kitchen counter, put the food away and gave Boo his kitty treats, letting him have a few more because I was in a good mood. Then Boo and I went over to Nick’s. Then, realizing it was nearly six, I stopped outside Nick’s backdoor and Boo and I
went back to my side. I dropped Boo long enough to write Vance a note saying I was on Nick’s side. I didn’t want him to think he was stood up again. Vance didn’t like that.
When I was done I stared at the note on the counter and went back to emotionally struggling with having to write a note to someone to explain my whereabouts, something I’d never done in my life. This didn’t take long because, as I stared at the note, that velvet shroud wrapped around me and I stopped staring at the note and started smiling at it.
Then I snatched up Boo and we went back to Nick’s.
I knocked on the door and stuck my head in. “Nick?”
“Hey Jules, be right there.”
I walked in and dropped Boo who immediately went in search of Nick.
I went in search of beer.
I’d just pulled out a Fat Tire when Nick came in.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Nick replied, staring at me intensely.
“What?” I asked about the stare.
“I don’t know,” Nick answered.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
He leaned a hip against the counter. “I’m waiting to see what you have to say. I don’t know if you’re gonna tell me someone’s been shot, you broke up with Vance again or you’ve decided to single-handedly plan a march on Washington due to the lack of AIDS medications available to developing countries. I gotta be prepared for anything.”
I grinned at him and popped open the beer. Then I handed it to him and leaned a hip against the counter myself.
“I’m going to tell you that I’m off the streets.”
His body moved, only slightly, but it still moved. It got tense then it relaxed in such a way that his relief could be read in every line.
“Good,” he said quietly.
I had to admit, I felt guilt at this. Nick’s reaction wasn’t an overwhelming reaction but it said it all.
I decided to move on to a different subject before I could figure out an anatomically possible way to kick myself in the backside. “I’m also going to tell you that Vance is moving some clothes to my house.”
Without hesitation he said, “Good.”
It was my turn to stare. I thought for certain I’d get a lecture that we were going too fast.
“Don’t you think we’re going too fast?” I asked.
“Vance the reason you’re off the streets?”
“Part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“You.”
“If anyone gets hurt because of me –”
“No one’s gonna get hurt.”
He said that with such certainty that I believed him.
I willed myself to relax, willed my mind and body to go still.
It didn’t work.
“Vance?”
“Yeah, Princess?”
I looked up at his face in the moonlight.
It was time.
I took a deep breath then said, “Do you want me to tell you what I think it says about me that you share my bed?”
He was looking down at me. “No,” he answered bluntly.
I blinked. “What?” I asked.
“I don’t want you to tell me.”
Well, that took the wind right out of my sails and for some reason it hurt, just a little bit (okay, so it hurt a lot). I thought he’d want to know. I wanted him to want to know and furthermore, I was ready to tell him.
Before I could hide my face and my disappointment his mouth came to mine.
“I want you to show me,” he said there.
I looked into his dark eyes, close up and even in the moonlight I knew they were burning into mine.
“Okay,” I whispered.
Then I did as he asked.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Quick Could Be Good
The phone was ringing and my eyes opened.
I knew it was the dead of night and in the nanosecond before he moved, I knew I had a big time contender for Number One Most Favorite Sleeping Position with Vance. On my belly, one leg crooked, Vance pressed into my back, leg bent into mine, arm around me.
Seriously nice
He disengaged gently and rolled away to pick up the phone.
“Yeah?” I heard, pause, “right.”
When I heard the phone hit the cradle, I turned. “What was that?”
Vance’s arms came around me and he settled on his back, me in his side (just for your information, I liked this as a cuddle position but it was in the lower half of the top five as a sleeping position).
“They got Shard.”
Hallelujah, I thought.
“No more panic button?” I asked.
“You keep the panic button.”
My head came up. “Why?”
“Humor me.”
“Why?”
“Because I want you to.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ve made enemies and captured attention. Until we hear no talk on the street, I want to know you’re safe.”
I supposed I could do that.
I settled in, ready to go back to sleep, so ready in fact that I didn’t realize Vance’s body had gone tight.
“You gonna do this for me?” he asked.
“Sure,” I replied as if that was a given.
After a few minutes ticked by, his body relaxed and he said, “Jesus, you’re a pain in the ass.”
“Am not,” I mumbled sleepily into his shoulder.
His hand came up and started to play with my hair.
I fell asleep.
* * * * *
I woke up with the alarm and Vance wasn’t in bed but I heard the shower going.
There was no Boo either.
I hit the off button on the alarm and searched for my nightgown and underwear that Vance had divested me of the night before. I struggled to put them on in a lying position which was not easy. After I succeeded I slid off the bed platform.
I walked to the kitchen.
Boo’s breakfast bowl was down and had already been licked clean.
I looked at the coffeemaker. There was a pot at the ready.
I walked into the living room. Boo was lying on my chaise lounge, cleaning his face. He didn’t even spare me a glance much less a good morning kitty meow. He was sated and preparing for his morning nap.
I walked back into the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.
Then I stood with my hips against the counter, coffee cup aloft, staring into space, wondering how my world had turned on its head in a week and four days.
I had a boyfriend who fed my cat, made coffee, had a kickass job, took care of me, was great in bed and was hot. I had a family of friends looking out for me, calling me and wanting to spend time with me. They even got mad at me when I tried to go to the mall alone.
This freaked me out, in a good way.
My pug nestled up to me and decided he wanted to play just as Vance walked out of the bathroom, chest bare, black hair wet and slicked back and one of my mint-green, Egyptian cotton towels wrapped around his hips.
My mouth went dry.
He walked toward me, got in my space, dodging the coffee cup I didn’t move, put his hands on either side of my neck and touched his lips to mine.
“Mornin’ Princess,” he said, not moving out of my space.
“Thanks for feeding Boo.”
He grinned and dropped his hands to my waist.
“Thanks for making coffee,” I went on.
He kept grinning.
“You done in the bathroom?” I asked.
He nodded.
I put the unsipped coffee on the counter, skirted around him and went to bathroom. I brushed and flossed then washed my face.
I left the bathroom and went in search of Vance.
He wasn’t hard to find considering I only had three rooms in the house (three and a half, if you counted the bed platform). He was sitting on my couch, clothed in the outfit he had on yesterday, pulling on his boots.
“What’re you doing?” I asked, staring at him.
“Puttin’ on my boots,” he replied, looking up at me.
I blinked. “You wore that yesterday,” I said.
“Yeah,” he pulled on the second boot and stood.
“If you’re going to stay here you should keep some clothes here.”
Now, why did I just say that?
I was going to freak him out. He was going to think I loved him or something.
I, of course, did love him but he didn’t know that or at least I didn’t think he knew that. Now he’d think I was a clingy, stalker, psycho bitch-from-hell and moving too fast and I was going to scare him off.
Shit.
“All right,” he said.
I blinked again. “Did you say ‘all right’?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied.
Guess I didn’t freak him out.
He came up to me, wrapped a hand around the back of my head and kissed my forehead. “Later Princess.”
My body went still.
“What?” I asked, looking up at him as he dropped his hand.
“Later, I gotta get to the office.”
I stared. “What?” I repeated.
He watched me a beat. “Are you okay?”
I thought about it.
Then I said, “No, I’m not okay.”
“What’s the matter?”
“You fed my cat,” I told him.
He watched me again, this time perhaps wondering if my body had been taken over by nonsense-speaking aliens.
“And?” he asked.
“And now you’re leaving.”
“I have to get to the office. They’re holding three assholes who wanted to hurt you. I wanna find out what’s happening.”
This sounded plausible. I still didn’t like it.
“But we haven’t had sex yet,” I blurted.
For a second I realized I threw him and he looked surprised. He had absolutely no idea that was going to come out of my mouth. Then again, neither did I.
Still, I’d said it so I was going to have to go with it.
“We always have morning sex. We always have night-time sex. We can’t not have morning sex. What does that mean? Next we’re not going to have night-time sex?” I asked.
His lips started twitching as I continued.
“You fed my cat. I always have to feed my cat. How am I going to get used to not being the one who has to feed my cat? It’s always been just
I was babbling. I knew it and I didn’t care.
I wanted to have sex.
“Jules –”
“You can’t just get up, make me coffee, feed my cat and then leave. What’s up with that?” I went on.
“Jules –”
“We have a ritual,” I interrupted him. “I like our ritual. I’m not good with change.”
Now I was lying. I had no problem with change.
Bottom line, I wanted sex.
His hands came to the sides of my face and he said again, “Jules.”
“What?” I snapped.
“Take off your underwear.”
My belly did a roller-coaster plummet and I blinked, again.
“What?”
“Do it,” he demanded.
Okay, now I was freaking out and deciding maybe I didn’t want to have sex even though I wanted sex now more than ever.
All the while looking at him I pushed down my underwear and it fell to the floor. No sooner did it hit my feet then he lifted me up, hands at my ass and my arms and legs automatically circled him.
He went down to the floor on his knee then he put me on my back and covered me with his body.
“What are we doing?” I asked, staring into his eyes.
I felt his hand between us, working at his belt.
“We’re gonna have to be quick.”
“How quick?”
“Real quick.”
“I’m not sure I want quick.”
His face went into my neck. “You don’t have much choice,” he said in my ear which made me shiver. Then I felt his tongue touch me and slide down my neck to my collarbone which made me shiver more.
“Is quick good?” I asked.
“It can be,” he said at the base of my throat then he touched me between my legs and I sucked in breath.
His mouth came to mine and I could feel he was smiling, pleased about something.
He looked in my eyes and said, “Christ, you’re always wet.”
“Is that good?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“I think it happened when you told me to take off my underwear,” I informed him helpfully.
His finger slid inside me. “I’ll remember that.”
My hands pushed into his jeans and I ran them over his ass. I was done talking and so was Vance.
And, for your information, quick could be good.
* * * * *
It was near to the end of the day when my cell rang.
It was sitting on my desk and the display said “Crowe calling.”
Looking at it, I smiled.
* * * * *
Vance had called me in the morning to give me the lowdown on Shard, Clarence and Jermaine
Apparently Mace had done his job well. This was because Luke and Ike felt like getting in on the act. So they’d all done their job well. They’d done it job so well, Shard, Clarence and Jermaine not only decided not to fuck with me, they also decided that maybe Denver wasn’t for them. Luke, Mace and Ike had convinced them to try their luck at ruining other people’s lives somewhere outside the Mile High City. They weren’t only leaving town, they already left. Vance knew this because Mace, Ike and Luke had escorted them to the city limits.
This made me feel weird. It was weird because I felt safe and protected but I also felt badly that they likely had to commit acts of violence in order to make me feel safe and protected.
I spent the morning struggling with that.
Since I figured Shard, Clarence and Jermaine had destroyed a number of lives by the time the clock struck twelve, I got over it.
Then I called Luke.
“Babe,” he answered.
“I don’t know what to say.”
Silence then, “I’m guessin’ you’re talkin’ about the boys.”
“I’m talking about what you and Mace and Ike did for me. I feel like I should do something to repay you.”
“Not necessary.”
“Maybe I should make you some cookies,” I suggested.
“Really not necessary.”
At first I was shocked at the emphasis to his “really”. Then I remembered that Luke had smelled the results of my last attempt at being a baking goddess.
“Okay, maybe I should buy you some cookies.”
“That’d work.”
Disconnect.
Well then, there it was.
Store cookies seemed kind of a lame “thank you” for driving three drug dealers hell-bent on gang-raping and torturing you out of town but burnt cookies were no thank you at all.
I made a mental note to hit the bakery at Safeway and got back to work.
* * * * *
Now Vance was calling again and I tried to be cool but I had to admit (just to myself) I liked to see “Crowe calling” on my display.
I liked it a lot.
I picked up my phone and flipped it open. “Hey,” I said to Crowe.
“Hey. Got some things to do tonight. Thought I’d take you to Lincoln’s for dinner before I did ‘em.”
“That sounds good.”
“Meet you at your place at six.”
“Okay.”
“Later, Princess.”
Disconnect.
I sat there with the phone to my ear and stayed that way. I liked how I felt even after a quick, meaningless phone call from Vance telling me he was taking me out to dinner. I wondered if I’d always feel like that and I hoped I would.
Slowly I flipped the phone shut and set it on my desk, realizing this would be only the second time we’d been out to dinner. We’d had only one date and we were practically living together. He was moving clothes to my house, I had toiletries at his.
Realizing this, I started to laugh, my body shaking with it.
Vance had done it. Just like everyone said he would, just like Lee, Eddie and Hank before him. He hadn’t wasted any time (I, however, had) and he’d moved so fast I didn’t even realize it was happening. Hell, it was my idea for him to leave clothes at my house.
I was laughing so hard, I snorted and Andy, who was on the phone, looked up at me with knitted inquiring brows.
I shook my head at him and mouthed, “I’ll tell you later.”
Andy blinked in surprise.
I’d been working with Andy for awhile. He’d come to the Shelter about six months after they hired me. I’d never, not once, told him anything personal about me. He was a good guy and he could make me laugh. He had a wife and a little girl. He shared stories all the time about what they’d done, funny things his kid said.
Me, nothing. I never shared.
I’d gone through life alone (my choice), in order not to feel, so I wouldn’t get hurt.
Now I knew what I was missing.
What kind a fucking idiot was I?
I struggled with that long after Andy got off the phone. Long after I shared with Andy that Vance was practically moving in with me. Andy had said, hesitantly and with concern, “Um… Jules, don’t you think this is a bit fast?” then I’d told him about Indy, Jet and Roxie, his eyes got big, but he didn’t look any less concerned. Long after I hit two different Safeways and cleaned them out of their M&M cookies (the absolute best) and picked up some other provisions (doing this randomly because although Vance was going to be hanging clothes in my closet, I had no idea what kind of food he liked in the house).
This last thought had me cracking up hysterically in the meat and cheese section and people gave me a wide berth. This was a good thing as it meant I had the meat and cheese section all to myself without anyone breathing down my neck to make a selection.
I got over my latest emotional struggle when I put the cookies on the kitchen counter, put the food away and gave Boo his kitty treats, letting him have a few more because I was in a good mood. Then Boo and I went over to Nick’s. Then, realizing it was nearly six, I stopped outside Nick’s backdoor and Boo and I
When I was done I stared at the note on the counter and went back to emotionally struggling with having to write a note to someone to explain my whereabouts, something I’d never done in my life. This didn’t take long because, as I stared at the note, that velvet shroud wrapped around me and I stopped staring at the note and started smiling at it.
Then I snatched up Boo and we went back to Nick’s.
I knocked on the door and stuck my head in. “Nick?”
“Hey Jules, be right there.”
I walked in and dropped Boo who immediately went in search of Nick.
I went in search of beer.
I’d just pulled out a Fat Tire when Nick came in.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Nick replied, staring at me intensely.
“What?” I asked about the stare.
“I don’t know,” Nick answered.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
He leaned a hip against the counter. “I’m waiting to see what you have to say. I don’t know if you’re gonna tell me someone’s been shot, you broke up with Vance again or you’ve decided to single-handedly plan a march on Washington due to the lack of AIDS medications available to developing countries. I gotta be prepared for anything.”
I grinned at him and popped open the beer. Then I handed it to him and leaned a hip against the counter myself.
“I’m going to tell you that I’m off the streets.”
His body moved, only slightly, but it still moved. It got tense then it relaxed in such a way that his relief could be read in every line.
“Good,” he said quietly.
I had to admit, I felt guilt at this. Nick’s reaction wasn’t an overwhelming reaction but it said it all.
I decided to move on to a different subject before I could figure out an anatomically possible way to kick myself in the backside. “I’m also going to tell you that Vance is moving some clothes to my house.”
Without hesitation he said, “Good.”
It was my turn to stare. I thought for certain I’d get a lecture that we were going too fast.
“Don’t you think we’re going too fast?” I asked.
“Vance the reason you’re off the streets?”
“Part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“You.”