SCOTLAND ZEN and the art of SOCIAL WORK by J.A. Skinner
Chapter 30
Tuesday 3rd June
At this time, there is no way to stop or reverse the course of HD. Now that the HD gene has been located, investigators are continuing to study the HD gene with an eye toward understanding how it causes disease in the human body. It is a tragic condition with a painful death.
Now that I am in a taxi going home I feel terrible leaving Tommy although he insisted he was fine, he is in a very vague state. I wish I could be in two places at the one time but I really have to be home now. Tommy has to wait for the doctor to issue a death certificate and I have to let Kate get home and begin to organise my children and my day. When I let myself into the house it is only half past six. All is quiet. I look in on Kate and she is fast asleep with Rosie tucked in beside her. Theresa and John are cosy and sound in their own beds. I put the kettle on and go shake Kate gently. She opens her eyes and I put my finger to my lips so that she will not speak and waken Rosie. I don’t need her little motor mouth starting at this time in the morning. No matter what time she opens her eyes she is bright and cheery, bless her, and she talks non stop when her sister and brother are not there to overshadow her. Kate slips quietly out of bed and comes into the kitchen to wait for her tea.
‘How was it… ?’
‘She dead Kate, she died not long ago, it was awful, I still can’t believe it.’
‘What happened?’ I felt my eyes filling up with tears and a terrible ache gripping my throat,
‘She had a haemorrhage and all this blood poured out of her mouth like the worst nightmare, then she was calm and said a few words to Tommy and then nothing,’ I started to cry quietly as I had been doing off and on for the last few hours. I don’t know how Tommy got through it. For me the worst part was the shock and the realisation that your whole life can change in one second. People you love can disappear before you eyes and leave this ugly broken shell behind. When Dad died I only remember the hymns and the organ in church and the flowers and prayers and the kind of sad quiet dignity of all our relatives, but being part of this death was a whole different brutal thing. Tommy might be able to look back later and be grateful that he was with her at the end but probably right now he can’t think at all.
Word had somehow got round to two or three of her friends in her spiritualist group and friends that she played cards with and they phoned the ward to see if they could visit her. Tommy said no, it was too late, she would hate other people to see her like that. I dried my eyes and made the tea and sat down at the table with Kate,
‘A nurse asked Tommy near the end if he wanted a priest to come and give a blessing and he nearly punched her face, that’s the truth.’ Kate’s eyes go wide and she covers her smile with her hand. I start to laugh and we both get a bit hysterical at the thought of him boxing one of the nurses. He had managed to unclench his fists and asked them to go look in his Mothers file where it said ‘no religion’. He actually said,
‘Do you ever open the files, or do you just make it all up as you go along?’ Hopefully they put it down to stress. Kate asked me to pass on her very secular condolences, she does not want a punch in the face. She gets ready to leave and says I can phone her anytime if I need to be helping Tommy again. Where would I be without my dear sister?
John arrives home from school in the afternoon and starts speaking while he is still in the doorway,
‘You’ll never believe this Mam,’ he pants.
‘Try me son.’
‘Paul McCabe had an epiretic fit in class and we recon he was invaded by an alien.’
‘Wow, that must have been a shock for everyone, but the fit is called epileptic.’
‘How do you know? Never mind, one moment he was winning the spelling bee and the next he was on the deck slobbering and shaking.’
‘Enough John you’re frightening the girls, I’m sure he’s fine now and I really don’t think it would’ve been aliens.’
‘How do you know?’ he says again, a bit disdainful, not really waiting for an answer as he doesn’t see how I could have one. I don’t have an answer and the way my life is going at the minute aliens might be a bit of light relief. Strange things happen.
‘You can calm down now and hand out some biscuits, that’ll help.’ Rosie is getting ready to bawl her eyes out at aliens invading her. I must monitor their telly a bit more.
‘There’s a letter in my bag,’ oh no, not again, not more trouble at school, but I rake in the bag and surprisingly find a gold edged envelope with a card inside inviting me, my family and my partner to Rena’s wedding. I am flabbergasted, I didn’t expect this.
Mickey walks into the house and puts his arms round me, and speaks into my neck so the kids don’t hear.
‘I heard from Kate you had a wee shock at the hospital today.’
‘Several shocks today actually, Tommy’s Mother died horribly, he fell out with most of the nurses on duty, one of John’s classmates has been possessed by aliens, and we’ve got an invitation to Rena’s wedding.’
He jumps back in mock horror,
‘The bit I need more data on is the alien invasion, where’s John?’ he is manic and goes into John’s room and I hear him carrying out an interrogation for the details of the fit. Men are definitely strange creatures. I could bet the girls in the class were either crying or sympathetic but obviously the boys, not least my son, were fascinated and could now submit a script for Star Trek. The girls would have felt the wedding invite was paramount and needed urgent discussion. Tommy was strange too, he wept and sobbed outside his Mothers room a few times when she was still holding on, but when she died he was very calm and a few minutes after she was gone, he said there was nothing left for him to do there and he simply walked away. Before he sent me home I asked what his Mum had said to him at the end,
‘She said I was a lovely son, I had made her very happy, and I was to make sure the flat and the close was clean, as all the neighbours would be visiting to give their condolences, very typical of her, very organised.’
That would have broken my heart in pieces, but he seemed fine. She was in such a mess at the end with blood seeping out of her mouth and nose that it was a blessing she was able to say anything.
I told Mickey that I would feed him in return for him watching the kids for a while and giving me his car so I can go see how Tommy was coping.
‘You’ll never guess, who the doctor attending Tommy’s mother was? Yes, the handsome Ali. I can see now why you were attracted, he is a fine looking man.’
‘I’m actually fine with all that now, we had a long talk and decided we can be friends….maybe.’
I phoned Tommy and he sounded fine, really together, and said he would be pleased to see me, he would be in his Mothers flat. When I told the kids I had to go out again I felt like a part time gallivanting Mother. John didn’t bat an eye but he girls started to whine as they wanted to play dressing up and they needed me to crimp their hair, they were going to be models. I grinned at Mickey and asked him if he could cope with all that, and promised I wouldn’t make any hairdresser jokes.
‘Uncle Mickey will be better than Tommy at doing our hair, he hadn’t a clue,’ said wee Rosie, with a smug look, and that was enough of a challenge for Mickey. John’s eyes narrowed in a sly look and he said,
‘All that girly stuff better only take half an hour, I’ve got something better to do.’ He then produces from his schoolbag the precious envelope containing Dad’s story about the cabin boy. Apparently last night he had nagged his Granny so much that she had given him the story so that they could read the second half tonight. Mickey was ecstatic. He actually jumped up and down. Reading between the lines he might have a new romance going, but I haven’t time to investigate that at the moment. He only has vague memories of this story as he was too young at the time to take it in, so he will enjoy this as much as John.
Tommy welcomed me with a nice hug and a chaste kiss. He had been spending some time going through his mother’s papers.
‘It’s am
‘Have you read the letter?’
‘No. I’m fine mostly, but not ready for that yet.’ He talked about the funeral, which had already been organised by his Mum with some friends who were in the Salvation Army-
‘My mother was a Spiritualist and didn’t like organised religion in any way, she was a bit different to the run of the mill West of Scotland Kirk or Catholic crowd. She hated priest and ministers and always said you should look after your own soul and not depend on other people to do it, but for her friends she felt the Salvation Army put on the best funerals and tea and scones after, so she wanted a service in the Salvation Hall.’
How I wish I had known this woman, I know I would’ve got on well with her.
‘What else have you still to do?’
‘Not much I’ve been to the registrar and Mum’s left instructions for everything, clothes to help the aged, furniture and everything else to me if I want, wee presents to her whist mates and a donation to the Sally Anne after the service.’
‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Actually I’d like you to come upstairs to my flat, wait till I make my bed, and get into it with me,’ he looked nervous, like a little boy asking for a new toy, so I didn’t keep him in suspense,
‘Come on, canny wait I’ll even help you make the bed.’
There was something so sweet and inevitable about us getting into bed together after our few snogging sessions and false starts. Tommy was a bit nervy and not very imaginative. Although it was very nice and what I wanted, there was a lot of room for future training if we ever get to try this again. He kept asking me if this was alright or that was okay and eventually I asked him to shut up and relax. I was secretly pleased that he wasn’t very sure of himself, it made him seem younger and inexperienced, perhaps an illusion but nice. After a lot of trial and error we started to touch in all the right places and were getting quite carried away when he pulled off the cover we had put on the bed and moved down to kiss my stomach. I froze like an icicle and he asked me what was wrong. I sat up and covered my stomach with my hands,
‘Please don’t look, I have a terrible looking stomach, stretch marks and wobbly bits, I’m mortified now.’
‘You’re crazy Mags, you have the loveliest soft perfect skin and a woman’s stomach not a little girl’s, so why are you worrying?’ I was close to tears but he kept murmuring how lovely I was and the tears were soon forgotten. He kissed me and rubbed his lips in exactly the right places until I was helpless. I had a sweet ache and soon, a soft rush of ecstasy. I held on to him tightly as he moved up my body and told me to open my eyes,
‘Look at me Mags,’ he said, ‘this is terrific, unbelievable, are you okay?’ I didn’t quite have my breath back but whispered,
‘I’m fine.’ He was still holding me but stopped moving,
‘I can’t believe I’m doing this the same day that my mother has died.’
‘Strange things happen, Tommy, I feel so sad for you, but please don’t go all weird on me, not now.’ He smiled and we carried on. We had another very special half hour then he fell asleep with his head on my lovely womanly stomach. We had been up all last night but I didn’t have the luxury off dropping off, Mickey was expecting me home.