Shady Hazy and the Subliminal Criminal by Shane Griffin
Shady Hazy And The Subliminal Criminal
By
Shane Griffin
Smash Words Edition Published by Poupichou Press
First Published in Print in Ripples 2007
Copyright Shane Griffin 2004
Shady thumbed through a case file as he leaned back in his chair, put his big size twelve feet up on his desk and sucked gently on the last remnants of a well chewed cigar stub. He dropped the case file onto the desk with a slap. With a depressed sigh he casually spat out his smouldering cigar stub into his waste paper basket.
Shady Hazy was a jack of all trades, of sorts. He was a courier, a private investigator, a bodyguard and basically anything else people were willing to pay money for. He even did the odd professional hit if times were tough. More than one person had snuffed it so Shady could pay the rent on time. That was exactly what looked like happening if he didn’t get a decent client soon.
Shady was pondering if he could get someone to pay him to snuff his own landlord when the door to his office flung open and in walked the man who was quickly becoming Shady’s worst nightmare.
"Awe man not again! This is the third time this month!" complained Shady, sticking his fingers directly into his ears. "I don’t want to hear it Enosh. That last job was a pain in the arse and the pay was shit!"
Enosh was a serious looking fellow, thin and neatly shaved, with dark slicked back hair. He was immaculately dressed in a pressed deep purple uniform, denoting him as an officer of the Psychic Investigations Group. PIG was an intergalactic organisation who hunted down criminals with psychic abilities. Unfortunately for Shady they had a rather large headquarters right on his planet.
Enosh stared at him with distaste, but remained silent. Shady slowly pulled his fingers from his ears and wiped the earwax off onto the side of his chair.
"Alright, what is it this time?" grumbled Shady.
"That’s fine I’ll remain standing," said Enosh dryly. "I have a job you may like to consider."
"And if I refuse?" asked Shady already knowing the answer.
Enosh smiled and his handsome face looked deceivingly innocent and sympathetic.
"Why Shady, its completely up to you what work you take on. However…"
Shady’s shoulders slumped, he hated the however and he hated Enosh’s smug look when he told him the however. In fact he hated Enosh’s whole pretty boy face. Somehow he always made Shady feel clumsy and uncouth. Not that Shady was all that poorly educated, it was just that Enosh had a way of making him feel it. Right from his haphazard haircut, which emphasised his large jutting ears, all the way down to his size twelve feet. Shady was not a small fellow, at least not compared to Enosh’s slim, yet well proportioned, form. Standing at six foot one and three-quarter inches he was taller than Enosh and more heavily set, bordering on podgy.
Shady ground his teeth as Enosh finished the 'however'.
"…and you see that would leave me with no choice, but to have you investigated. You know how planetary governments feel about people operating businesses based on psychic abilities. You could end up in the disintegrating chair! We wouldn’t want that now would we?"
"Fine. I understand your position, I’m sure I’ll love the job anyway," mumbled Shady.
"Good," replied Enosh his face immediately losing all pretence of innocence. "This is a serious one Shady. The jobs I have given you in the past where just to test you. You see I need a psychic for this job." Enosh paused to let the significance of what he had just said sink in.
"What? You mean you can’t pick this one up with a brain scan?" asked Shady sceptically, Enosh did not always tell him the truth. Wherever possible the alternate was also true.
"Doesn’t seem so, since the suspect has already escaped from eleven systems with enough money to fund a personal army."
It was a subtle implication, but Shady understood.
"Man, everything is about galactic security with you guys, he’s just a criminal even if he’s a good one."
"Maybe, maybe not. We don’t even know how he gets past the brain scans. It could be that he’s learned to regulate his brain emissions or…", Enosh paused again for dramatic effect, "He is capable of mind control!"
Shady, who was now leaning right back in his chair, precariously balanced on two legs, toppled over backwards onto the floor. Enosh was well pleased with the effect.
"What!" said Shady scrambling to his feet. "That’s one big accusation to make. Plenty of people have been suspected of it before, but it has never been proven!"
"That is why this is such a crucial job. Someone capable of mind control who had the wrong intentions, it has big implications."
"Ok, so you want me to find out if this guy can do mind control…" began Shady.
"No. I want you to find him. PIG will determine the suspects…capabilities."
Shady shivered involuntarily, he had heard some very nasty rumours about PIG mind tests.
"So, you got a photo or something for me?" he asked reluctantly.
"No, we have no idea at all what this person looks like, in fact we have no physical evidence that they even exist apart from the massive amounts of money they have stolen. This guy is a real enigma."
"How do you expect me to find him then, you know I am only good if I can see their eyes," replied Shady lowering his voice.
"Because we think we might have him cornered in the intergalactic terminal," said Enosh accompanied by one of his smug smiles. Shady rubbed his temples in confusion.
"I will explain on the way, now get your mind into focus and let's go."
Enosh snapped his fingers and another two purple suits bustled into his office, faces looking sharp and serious. Enosh’s way of telling him subtly that they had no time to waste. Shady put on his most compliant fake smile and headed for the door.
"Great, let's go and make you famous by catching the most notorious thief ever!" he thought.
Enosh took them to a nearby hover car. The two suits climbed into the front while Enosh and Shady sat in the back. As soon as the four of them piled in Enosh engaged the rear privacy shield and his own personal scrambler, as subtly as possibly Shady had also done the same. The hover car took off with a jolt and the acceleration pushed them hard into their seats momentarily. Shady broke the silence first as the acceleration eased off.
"Ok, so what's the story? Oh, and don't bullshit me around with this need to know stuff. If this guy is as good as you say then I need to know everything you’ve got."
Enosh gave him a brief sideways glance and frowned thoughtfully before answering.
"Fine, but you better come up with the goods or you might find yourself our prime suspect."
Shady caught his glance and tried desperately to sense what he was thinking, but got nothing. Enosh's standard issue mind blocker was as effective as ever. Shady hated not knowing what people were thinking and he especially didn't like not knowing what Enosh was thinking. One thing was for sure though, Enosh wanted to catch this guy really bad.
Shady suppressed a smile, he had been trying to figure out a way to get Enosh off his back ever since he'd had the misfortune of running across him. Now he finally had some leverage and he was going to use it.
"Fair enough, but what's in it for me, I mean this is no street corner con I'm helping you catch."
"Fine I will double your normal rate," replied Enosh, "Now.."
"Not good enough. I don't want money this time. I want one of those little documents that says I have been tested for psychic abilities and found to be devoid of them and I want it signed by you."
This time it was Shady's turn to have a smug smile as Enosh turned to face him directly, astonish
"Hey, you want to get off this rock and into the big league and I want you off my back. No deal, no help and you will just have to settle for arresting just another street corner con like me."
A smile crept across Enosh's lips and for a moment Shady thought that he was going to call his bluff.
"Very well then, it's a deal. In future, however, I think you should be careful not to underestimate the pleasure I would get from seeing you in intense pain."
Shady swallowed hard at the thought and had to make a concerted effort to keep his voice steady when he spoke.
"Ok, just so long as we understand each other. How about you tell me everything you know our Mr Enigma?"
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